He should be having water anyway so it’s god she is giving him that. She raised your husband…how is he? Is he alive and well? Not traumatized? She has done this all before…successfully I assume.
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Grow a back bone and stop letting your MIL make the rules for your child
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It doesn’t hurt a child to cry…and since when does it hurt a child to give them juice and water??? And we’ve always put our babies on their sides to sleep…Man, yall all would have flipped out if you knew what age our parents starting feeding us, wiening us, and how many nights we cried ourselves to sleep, on our sides…It surprises me how many babies Google raises these days!! Courtney Michelle
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He’s old enough to have water/juice. Crying is ok within reason and I understand the covid worry but if it’s truly that big of a deal, let her visit in YOUR home. YOUR child doesn’t have to go stay anywhere with anyone 🤦
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I wouldn’t let her take him anymore if she’s not abiding by your rules.
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This situation is not healthy for anyone. We as adults need to make safe choices. This negative situation will not go away on its own.First of all,you are the boss of your sons life.8 days a month crying and upset is not emotional or healthy. Take your power back NOW and don’t forget your son.
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So the grandmother is sleep training a 8 month old and this is a problem? I understand the COVID part, but the rest is ridiculous. The grandmother should just come visit to spend time. I don’t blame her for not wanting to coddle a 8 month old at nap time.
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I’d be livid. This is a huge red flag that she doesn’t respect you as her grandsons mother and that is not ok in my book. I would give her a very stern warning and stop the weekends if it continues
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I would not let that go. Especially the crying thing. You are upset, they are your feelings and you own them. I would be furious with what she is doing and would prob keep my son at home with me.
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I could deal with everything else
But there’s no way she’d be taking my 8 month old out here there and everywhere while there’s a pandemic.
If I knew this is what she’s doing. She wouldn’t have him.
End of.
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I’ve been where parents don’t always do what we did but I can tell you choose your battles. It’s like with a spouse it’s ok for them to go things different as be long as be they are actually b doing something like my child didn’t get injured or emotionally scared from it not being my way all the time. Theyve had different be exp so they will say it worked years ago but everyone views things different
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Girl chill out. You’re a new mom. Everything seems more drastic than it actually is when you have no experience. I’d be more concerned about why she has the baby EVERY weekend…maybe you need to check yourself and stay home on weekends.
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I baby sit my nieces n nephews a few Is SPOILED. I tell all moms , friends or family . I WONT HOLD YOUR KID ALL DAY . CRYING IS OK ! If they are fed , clean bottom and not thirsty . They are OK. Putting them down and a little crying will not hurt . You cant expect for some one to rock or hold your baby while they sleep cause you do . If you dint want a sitter fine… can I get that grannies number tho ? Cause a grannie that sits every weekend is RARE
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I never leave mine with anyone. Because people do opposite of what you ask
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Maybe an unpopular opinion, but as one who doesn’t nor ever really did have parents to take them for a bit, I’d let it go (after a pleasant talk with her). I’d let stuff go a bit to 1. Get a break, and 2. My kids have a relationship with their grandparents.
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Yes grandparents spoil the kids. But when it comes to the kids diet & taking them out in public when you’re not comfortable with it is not ok. You’re the parent not her. She doesnt have the right to make parental decisions and opening dismiss your decisions.
My Mum respected my wishes (special grandparent stuff factored in), I, in turn, now respect my children’s wishes with my grandchildren. We are on the same page. Generously, my daughter says ‘you do you’. (Little special stuff when kids older).
Your wishes are sound, and reasonable. Maybe it is because it is your MIL!
She reared your husband not you (probably he thinks it is all ok).
There must be mutual respect.
This is a Baby, it can only get worse over time and additional children.
Respectfully establish your wishes or no solo visits.
This is a total violation of trust. That is your child and you decide what you’re comfortable with, her grandmother title, does not override your decisions. You are not making a big deal, you’re being disrespected and that is not ok.
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There has to be a balance. If I spoke with my mother and say I’m not cool with that I feel like she would respect it, but I also have to trust that she wouldn’t put my daughter(also 8 months old) in a bad situation. That being said it doesn’t sound like you are at all comfortable with what is happening and a more stern conversation needs to happen. If she doesn’t follow she doesn’t watch baby.
Ummm ya might want to rethink leaving your 8 month old with her! YOU ARE THE MOTHER! She is completely disrespecting you! Talk with her about it WITH your husband nicely. If she can’t follow through then, sorry but, no more alone time.
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It’s Grandma! You know what she does before you take your son over there so deal with it or stop using your MIL. I myself would be grateful for the help!!!
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I think there is balance, yes you are the mom and make the rules but I also agree grandparents spoil their grandkids, but he is also only 8months old. I don’t think it needs to be made a big deal, but I think you should talk to her. Is she not doing those things to make you mad or is she not doing them because she is old and forgets? I would pick the one thing that is most bothersome and see if you can get her to stop doing that first and then work on the other stuff. And you may have to skip a weekend with her watching him to get the point or maybe write it down for her
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I know it’s nice having someone that actually wants to watch your kid take them for a while but if she wont listen to your rules then she must go to supervised visitation until she will abide. Your kid and you have to answer to how he was raised when he becomes an adult. That simple. Not to mention that in a few years he’s going to become smart enough to play both fields so best she gets on the same page as you now. Its something worth digging your heels in fir in my opinion.
Grand parents had their chance of raising their own kids. I see it as now my chance to raise my own kids. When they’re older I want my kids to listen to me not someone else. Put your foot down now before everything gets out of hand because trust me it will. IMO baby’s abit too young to be spending every weekend there without you
If your giving your child the best love & care, then it’s your rules. Consistency is key. Respect & trust is essential in childcare & if anyone does not play by the rules. Then they can’t be trusted & should not be looking after the child. That applies to family, friends, school etc.
I am extremely lucky that all of my family are on board with how we look after the children & are open to suggestions as we have their best interests at heart. As at the end of the day, we all wants best for everyone, especially bringing up well balanced, healthy, educated children 
.
be kind
Well if she can’t listen to what YOU want for YOUR child then she clearly isn’t responsible enough to have him on her own. I wouldnt allow her to have him alone anymore especially if she’s dragging him everywhere with her during covid. That’s super irresponsible. Your are in the right 100% and hubby needs to put his big boy pants on and stand by you in this scenario.
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If she’s looking after your baby she should do what you want.,and she shouldn’t be leaving him in a room on his own to cry himself to sleep that’s cruel if she can’t cope with his crying well don’t have him xx:cry:
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Sorry but i would NOT let her have him. Omg breaks my heart to think of him laying in a room crying himself to sleep!!
Not to mention the rest of it. I have 7 grand children and would never disrespect their Mum’s wishes…
Nope. Not acceptable. She needs to respect the foundation you have laid out as a parent and your significant other needs to be on board with you. As the parent you are in charge of how you want your child to be raised and unless there’s good reason to ignore the rules you’ve laid out(ie if you were bad parenting,which is does not sound like). She had her time as a parent and i doubt she would’ve appreciated if someone went against her wishes. Kids, especially young ones need stable and solid foundations on which to learn and develop. That said…both you, your significant other and grandma need to be on the page with the same guidelines, period.
Um no. If you said no to certain foods or drinks and she does it anyways that wouldn’t be okay with me. Also if you dont do cry it out which we won’t be either its not ojay for her to sit there and let him cry for who knows how long. Your only supposed to for so many min before going in and reassuring them they are okay rubbing their back and helping them calm down anyways. I am abstay at home and plan on limiting sitters for this reason because my side I have watched my mom give my nephew his first baby food and try to hide it from his mom so i know my mom will do whatever she wants and thats upsetting to me
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While it sounds nice to have someone to take your kid every weekend. If she doesn’t want to follow the rules. Don’t your child go there. It’s not my house and my rules with someone else’s kid. Family or not is not okay. I rather have all my kids home and not be upset with anyone because if they really love them, they want what is best for them. This is not the 1950’s and she’s being careless.
You should be very happy that she wants to have them every weekend not all are so lucky… I don’t think these are really big deal things.
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She is his grandmother. Let them enjoy ea other . I am sure she is taking covid precautions as we all r doing. It’s not like he is running around in stores but is in a seat strapped in. Water and juice is not a problem at those ages. As for sleep he will be fine as being in another home he is prob just having trouble adjusting. Don’t sweat the little things. Be glad you have a grandparent who gives u a break and loves to do so. I never had any help with 3 kids.
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Kids grow up so fast… that when looking back you’ll wish you just didn’t dwell on the small stuff…
idk… I was kind of the same way… because I love my children very much… and I thought I was protecting them when They didn’t need the protection… my parents didn’t hurt them… they’ve “been there and done that”…
My kids they’re grown now… well, 2 of them are, the other is 11… but, it’s not that big of a deal…
just like my mother always told me, choose your battles… is it worth your energy?
Keep your own kids if you are not pleased. I’m a grandmother of 8. If the parents don’t trust my judgement they can keep them at home. I would never harm my grandkids. Maybe you’re to over protective. Stay home with your kids
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I would be upset too! She shouldn’t be allowed to take your child anywhere, period. Not until she learns to respect you as his mother. I’m all for grandparents spoiling their grandkids, but not of the cost of disrespecting the parents. I’m lucky in that my MIL talks to me before she makes any kind of decision about my child. So far she hasn’t undermined me or dad at all, and for that, she sees our son everyday.
Your choices are enforce the rules and potentislly risk her not spending as much time with him, or being a little more lax.
That’s it. Those are your two choices, no way around it. Been there, done that. I decided my child not having a village was more harmful than some candy from his grandparents.
If you want older to watch your child all weekend you both have to compromise. My mother bends the rules too but she does it out of love and as long as their safe you have to except it otherwise don’t send him there.
There are some things that can be shrugged off and others not so much. I am a grandma as well and the time we have with our granddaughter is minimal. With that being said the short amount of time spent with us we kinda bend the “home” rules a little (mom being informed and ok with it) staying up a little later, extra treats, and doing something’s that maybe she wouldn’t normally be able to do at home. Your MIL loves her grandbaby a lot and enjoys the time she has with your little one and that is a precious thing. So different from being a mom to being a grandma. Try not to let it get you to frustration, calmly sit with your MIL and talk with her about your feelings and explain why. Times are definantly different from when she raised kids to today. I have even noticed that my self through 25yrs of working in childcare. Just know what she is doing is in no way to harm your little one.
It’s a hard position to be in have you tried talking to her about why you don’t want her to do these things if you have a good relationship then she should be willing to listen and maybe will start to see your point of view. Both POV - your the mama and put up with it or watch your own baby are total extremes and quite often a calm quiet conversation ( with plenty of gratitude on both parts- you did make them an awesome grand baby after all ) is all it takes first babies are hard but your doing great xx
If she can’t respect the rules she can’t take him very simple that baby gets sick and has to be hospitalized nobody can be with him
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You have a lot of good advice
Thank god my kids grands (both sides) are respectful, loving, and still well in other words they gotta good head on their shoulders and still spoil from time to time
Nah, boundaries are being trampled. He’s being put at risk for Covid, tooth decay, diabetes, emotional trauma- I’d be HEATED.
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Do you bring all this up with MIL or only your husband
Communication is key
Talk to her !
Maybe you weren’t clear enough with your rules
Sit down have a family discussion with yourself and husband and grandmother and set it all straight
Don’t let her have the baby! She clearly doesn’t respect your boundaries, goes against your wishes with diet ect. And is putting baby at risk!
She has NO respect for you or your rights as a parent. She had her time with her kid, now is yours! Stand your ground! If hubby isn’t on your side then get rid of him too.
Umm… her husband, the child’s father doesn’t seem to care. Why is it only her opinion that counts? It is his child too.
Maybe they as a couple need to get on the same page, then talk to grandma because she is getting conflicting reactions.
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DO NOT JUST FORGET IT! But I think it is important to remember grandparents did things a lot differently. When my daughter was 8/9 months old I had to run and grab formula and great grandma gave her some water to calm her down because there was nothing else. I just asked her not to do it again because I wasn’t comfortable with her having water yet and explained why. If she’s still not listening maybe it’s time for your little to not be there without mommy or dad
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If ur so worried about it then why continue to let her watch him? That’s like saying I know he had a few drinks but I still rode with him. If u don’t like it don’t send him over. Simple. Find someone else that will meet ur needs of watching ur kid.
And from experience I didn’t like the cry it out with my kid but when he went to his dad’s that’s what he did. And in the end it was for the best because he learned to self soothe and he don’t need someone with him to fall asleep
So I am going to be honest, I was once you. It caused a lot of issues eventually with his family and me. I also caused problems with him and me by doing this. I regret it. My kids paid and continue to pay for the strained relationship. I paid for the strained relationship with my now ex. If I just looked at the big picture, I now recognize that these things were not in the grand scheme of things important. Do what you need to do.
Nope, 100% no! All these grandparents saying this is ok, are baffling. My great grandmother gave me brandy at 4 to calm me down. In your theory that’s ok too because she did it to my grandfather and he survived. 
we have learned through out the years about safety and what is best for children. Moms also drank and smoked while pregnant… come on, know better do better.
Remember that she raised your husband and he must have turned out alright for you to have married him. If she’s taking your child everywhere she goes it’s because she is proud and wants to show the world how amazing her grandchild is. Please don’t hold this against her.
Grandparents usually don’t listen to rules… they are our parents… so makes sense… the fact she takes him every weekend is great… i would do like the husband suggests and just forget about. Learning to self soothe is awesome… juice and water can be a treat for grandmas house… the going out in public is the one thing that would be most concerning but I woukd ask her politely again to limit it if possible…
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You’ll get as many opinions as people on here. It’s a choice you make. Give her time with her grandson or limit her time. Ask her if she has errands to do, do them before he comes over. Don’t make such an issue that your son can’t bond with grandma. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Everyone should be on the same page, but once that respect isn’t reciprocated then the Mother/Wife has every right to handle the situation how she sees fit with HER CHILD.
The Husband needs to stand by his Wife and tell HIS mom how she should respect their rules (respectfully of course).
Because they are ONE now.
Some scriptures to support you:
Mark 10:9
What God has joined together let no one separate.
This includes parents!!
Genesis 2:24
This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
Hope this helps…
I am a grandma … I will take my grands as much as I can. I do spoil them … We raised our own children and they were safe. You hsve to know that if your allowing someone to watch your kids for that ling your relinquishing control to them.
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Keep your child home with you and set boundaries for grandparents who act like the grand baby belongs to them
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I’m a grandma and my DIL always gave me a list with dozens of do’s and dont’s. Did I go by that NO. I told her I earned the right to be a grandma and be able to spoil my grands and I would never do anything to harm my grands or put them in any danger that I would give my life for them. If it was a big thing like the virus, I would not take them out
She needs to remember, her husband turned out real well. After talking to her, she quit getting mad about every little thing. My grand is 12yrs old now and memaws girl.
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I wouldn’t let her take him if she can’t follow your rules. She raised hers already, now it’s your turn. She doesn’t get a say. Period.
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Nope. You are the Mom. Allowing her to take him every other weekend is a privilege you are giving her. The least she can do is respect your wishes. If she knows she is having your child she should do errands beforehand. I watch my grandchildren and if they ask me to not do something with them I don’t. It’s that easy. But you are the Mom and what you feel is best for your child should be respected.
I’m a grand.And a Nurse.
Children have no reason to be out in stores if at all possible at this time !
Juice is not needed or recommended.
No reason for water at this age .
Your bedtime routine should be followed .
No more overnights or long stays .
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That makes me angry. You are the Mom. She needs to respect your wishes regardless of how she feels. Your husband needs to be more understanding because your reasons are justified. I would definitely have a talk with both of them. Maybe not together or maybe together. Again you have every right to be upset. Your MIL is not respecting you. The fact that she is taking your baby out and about with a pandemic after you voiced your concerns is not ok either. That would bother me and boil my blood. I would definitely have another talk with her. If she still not listening maybe don’t take the baby over there for a while.
I don’t think she does it to antagonize. The reality is, she’s doing it to help you, so just like with anyone that’s doing things out of the goodness of their heart, you should be flexible with her, too. I’m sure from her point of view, she’s being flexible following some of your (in her eyes) “crazy rules”. Grandparents usually want what’s best for their grandchildren, but they will spoil them, as it is their right as grandparents, and they also have the advantage of having gone through parenthood already, so they don’t sweat the small stuff, like we parents do!
I would refuse to let her have the baby until she proved she can listen, understand and respect your choices as a parent . There is a difference between spoiling and disrespecting your parenting choices .
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Hell no, she’s endangering your child every time she drags him to a store or whatever she’s doing with him, I don’t believe in putting a baby in a room by himself and letting him cry until he falls asleep,if she can’t follow your rules I don’t think that he should be spending every weekend with her.
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She should respect your rules but it’s hard after you have raised children to not do things the old way.
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Like it or lump it , If you dont like it , look after your own child , hes still a baby , your responsibility, on the other hand its your first baby and mothers get a bit precious about things the first time so you may need to think about compromising.
Have you given you MIL a portable cot for baby to sleep in ?? Perhsps you need to , if shes not using it then theres a problem.
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Letting a child cry themselves to sleep at night can possibly not be a very good thing it is a detachment practice. From the bond between mother and child. the baby is still small so a child needs nurturing in love not to cry himself to sleep
Crying to sleep would be a deal breaker for me. Plus outings with covid is not a good thing. Talk to her…
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NOPE. Your child and your guidelines need followed. She had her chance. Some of what she is doing is quite harmful as well
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If your mom in-law is at risk for getting COVID19 then she is putting your baby at risk as well. You need to choose your battles and this sounds the most critical. Discuss first with your husband and then together with him as a united front discuss what level of risk you will take with your mil. Stay as safe as you can and keep your baby safe
Nothing wrong with him drinking water. My oldest started drinking water at 2 weeks old. She was fussy. We tried everything. Gave her an ounce of water. She was happy.
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Your son, your rules. You need your husband’s support and talk to her with ur feelings. I think she is great taking him, giving y’all quiet time together, never had that being a military wife.
I wouldnt let it fly.
Set the boundaries and if she cant respect them, start limiting the time she has with bub.
She needs to learn. Sounds so harsh, but shes already had her chance. And she needs to listen.
Hubby needs to stand up to his mum.
No, you aren’t wrong for feeling upset. I’m not even gonna go there with what all my MIL and some in-laws on my first daughter’s dad’s mom side of the family did with my first daughter when she was just an infant! The best thing I did was keep her away from them much as possible or hold her the entire time we visited them. Nothing I said or my husband said to them didn’t do a bit of good. The only thing you may be able to do about it, don’t leave your child with her. Best way to protect your child if you wanna protect them.
As a mother of a toddler, grand mother of a toddler AND retired nanny of 25 years…I side with you 100%. Regardless of the relationship, no one should have access to your child if he/she does not respect your safety concerns and boundaries. Period!
just dont let her have him if she cant at least respect your concerns! Seems shes just doing it because youve asked her not to You have every right to feel the way you do
If you don’t sort this out it will be come a much bigger issue as he gets older it could turn into a battle all the thing you don’t want him to have she will give him stand firm and your hubby should back you
You are not wrong. I had a M-I-L like that x10. That was over 30 yrs. ago and it still upsets me to think about it. Thankfully, my boys are wonderful men now in spite of her attempts to undermine me. I would tell her exactly what is upsetting you and tell her that as much as you appreciate her help, you will have to limit her time with him, if she can’t abide by your rules…and don’t back down! If you don’t, it will only get worse as he gets older and may teach him to hide things from you.
I believe you should have a talk with her! I’m in a similar position with my mother in law! YOU are the MOTHER!! What you say goes and she needs to respect that! Especially since he’s still an infant!
Question…Does she have him all weekend or just like a few hours one day? If she has him every weekend all weekend i would say keep him home and only use her to babysit if you are so worried. These aren’t really big issues other then going out during a pandemic. Why would you take him over there to begin with. The other issue’s don’t seem to be a big deal.
She has no respect for you and your husband should deal with the issue since it’s his mom. If he doesn’t then you need to let her know the consequences of her choices which will be no more weekends. Talk done
Get over it and be thankful you have someone who loves and wants to spend time with your son every weekend.
We have had similar issues but my husband is on my side with this. We are the parents and we make the rules so sadly, my kids only get to see their grandparents when we are both free to supervise. Unfortunately, that leaves visits at a very small number of visits per year.
I’m a grandmother and I don’t interfere at all unless asked to. Whatever the parents say is fine with me, I’m not the mama. I may sneak and give her snacks but other than that parents rules!!
While I think it’s important to be flexible, you are also setting boundaries for the rest of your life. If something in particular really bugs you (crying to sleep/ juice) I would mention it, but try to pick your battles and not fuss over every detail
Omg! No!! We’d be furious. My husband would be angry and talking to his mom. That’s not ok. She does not deserve to be watching him. Maybe I’m a control freak, but we had rules and they needed to be followed. And still do. My in laws didn’t do up the car seats right one time and we were livid!! Never again will they drive my kids until WAY older
The grandparents learnt early on that if they didn’t do as asked with MY children, they didn’t get to see them. It’s quite simple. What you want done with your child is what gets done.
Let her come to you to visit. Just let her know
You’re not Comfortable with these things and you feel It’s best for now that she comes over and has play time.
Both my parents and my husband parents know if they do not follow our rules when it comes to our kids they will not be seeing our kids without us there. We made that very clear before our first child was even born. An both of our parents respect and go by our rules because WE ARE THEIR PARENTS NOT THEM! It’s that plain and simple. This has never stopped them from spending time with them or even taking them over night. They respect us as Adults and as Their Parents. If they can’t then they don’t see them without us there that’s how it’s always been. An our parent know we aren’t playing when it comes down to our kids and how we raise them. An this has never caused any problems with any of us.
It is very disrespectful of her to go against your guidelines. I would try to talk to her about it if you can.
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I had to cut my MIL out of my children’s lives completely for 3 years so I would definitely put a stop to it before it gets out of control and turns into a really big problem. You are the parents and your rules should be followed no matter who is watching your kids
I have the world’s greatest daughter in law. She is amazing, she respects me. I respect her, her wishes are important to me. After all the way we raised our kids have nothing to do with the world they are being raised in today. I listen and to what she says and she asks me when she waits advice. The baby only leaves the house to go to dr appts right now. I watch the baby at their place if they need me to watch the baby. Try telling her in a nice and honest way how you feel. Remember Grandma’s love to feel needed and wanted. We were are all mothers and we miss our babies and grandchildren are the blessings we get.
Long story short, it your son your rules. If she can’t follow them then she can’t see him without you. When I have my grandson if I know his mother doesn’t do it to for him then I don’t do it.
She got to raise her kids the way she chose to… I’m sure you’d like the opportunity and respect to do the same thing. I hope it all works out for you all.
My ex mil was exactly this way! And it would drive me crazy! Finally my then husband spoke up but we still caught her doing things her own way. We had to put a stop to her taking him and only had her visit him while we were home! Lol sad but had to do it! Thank goodness she’s no longer my mil, someone else has her! 
and now I have the best new Mil!
I personally did all those things so they wouldn’t bother me but can understand if your said we dont do this that its upsetting to you. I would try to just let her do what works for her as long as shes not a danger or dont have her get him
My mother used to undermine me as a mother with my daughter. It stopped when I told her if she didn’t quit undermining me that my daughter would not be allowed to go with her. And I meant it.
First off he is too young to be with her period! I wouldn’t let my 8 month old out of my sight!
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No, you are not wrong and should be upset. I am the grandmother of 4 grandchildren and I follow the rules the parents lay down. I raised my children and knows what it feels like if a mil doesn’t respect my wishes.
I agree with the sentiment that grandparents spoil their grandkids and don’t always follow our wants but theres a line…I’d say ignoring your wishes with social distancing and being left to cry way are way over that line. X