I am a Grammy but always respected their parents wishes. Would not have liked it being done to me!
Why every weekend if he is only 8 months old? And sounds like she should not have him at all if she leaves him alone to cry
1 Like
As a grandmother, it’s a give and take. I remember my MIL not following my care rules and my son got really sick from apple juice at 3 months. So, he and my next 2 babies weren’t there until much older. Fast forward 28 years and I became a grandmother. I followed my daughter’s requests for caring as infants. She asked my advice and was taught to care for a baby the way I did anyways. Now, they are 7 and 5 years old. They get spoiled and stay up later, have more snacks but are still required to behave etc. Grandparenting is a balance of respect and communication from both sides. If I were in your shoes again, there’s no way she’d have my son overnight. Let him stay when he’s older and he will remember the fun.
I would definitely sit down and have a heart to heart with hubby and explain to him why you feel the way you do. Then I would have a sit down with MIL and just nicely explain that you love her spending time with baby and how grateful you are but be stern and let her know what ypur having issues with and go from there. Its hard juggling parenting and family but they also need to know you are mommy and what mommy wishes are should be granted regaurdless of what they want to do.
A bit of water and juice is fine at his age.
Crying himself to sleep isn’t a bad thing… I mean if he’s really sobbing then no, but if it’s just a little tired cry and he soon falls asleep then it’s ok.
I made the mistake of cuddling mine to sleep then when they time came to get them to go on their own… I needed all the wine in the world to give me strength! 
So maybe it will help you a little in the future 
Agree with you about the travelling however if it’s bothers you that much. Maybe have her come to your house instead. (Can keep an eye then 
)
If your husband is telling you to forget it… is this because he’s not in total agreement with you?
Or just keeping the peace like most men? 
Ask him what his thoughts are. he is, after all his child as well. Maybe after discussing it with him you might each see things with a different eye.
Good luck 
I dont allow anyone to watch my baby cuz HIS side of the fam beleives I spoil her by holding her too much and that I should leave her to cry and its good for her to cry herself to sleep… So no Im good. I dont leave her with my fam cuz God only knows what kind of “parenting” theyd beleive is best for MY baby. Dont leave ur baby there anymore.
We’ll I get being upset about something that you’ve asked her not to do.
So, you have 2 choices from were I’m sitting:
- take your husbands advice, or
- don’t let your child go over to the grandparents house unsupervised.
Good luck!
She needs to do things her way when dhe has him. If you dont like it maybe he isnt old enough to go yet.
2 Likes
TBH. I’m a grandma. My daughters rules do not apply to me. Even though she gave me rules. BUT we all share a house together so I have her 98% of the time. So what I say goes.
Maybe you should keep the baby home a weekend or 2. If she asks why let her know.
We are not supposed to let infants cry. He is to little 
1 Like
You are valid! You matter! After 25 yrs of forgetting about it… builds up resentment. Your relationship with hubby will begin to turn for the worse.
What none of us really know is why grandma keeps him every weekend. Is she being asked to do this? Maybe grandma said, yes I’ll do it, but my house, my rules. I’d love to know the couples schedule. Do they work? I just find it strange for any grandparent to keep their young grandchild EVERY weekend.
Well, for one…how exactly does the conversation go? If you told her not to do it and she openly admits the opposite…what was your response? How was it handled?
1 Like
I’m usually a laid back parent, like ok it’s not THAT bad, but this, this is a big no no to me. Letting a baby cry himself to sleep, giving juice at this age, and taking him everywhere. I’d throw a total bich fit. You have every right to more than upset. I’d stop letting her take him until she follows your rules.
She should respect your ways and try to maintain continuity in his care.,
1 Like
I would be super tucked off. I would tell her either she goes by your rules of she doesn’t get the child. If your husband objects. Tell him he can go and love with her.
1 Like
I mean I let my kid cry herself to sleep when she was a baby. Cry… not scream. But there’s nothing wrong with that. She just tired herself out. A lot of parents have than for generations. Not abnormal.
The other stuff though… I’d have a problem with.
8 months old is too early to hang out and play with grandma. Sound like she is babysitting. I personally would not let my mother or MIL take my 8 month old every weekend. If she’s raising your kid, you can’t really say anything. 
so if you have a problem with it, you keep him. He’s your kid, not hers. I don’t get why you need to get rid of your kid every weekend.
3 Likes
My children have been around my in-laws from day one, we’ve either lived there or blocks away. Some things are a generational thing like the baby crying themselves because my mother in law was big on that. I had an issue with it but after 3 kids back to back I get it, even after college psychology classes in child development. The traveling issue is hard, we are all adjusting to it and she wants to show off her grandkid. However, I think that if your that upset either get used to keeping you baby home and deal without a break( although they are nice I wouldn’t let mine stay anywhere till they were potty trained and I have the only female child In 2 generations so imagine the difficulty in keeping her home) or have a very uncomfortable conversation. She’s not harming the child, she’s just being a grandmother no matter the inconvenience it presents. Your child is YOUR child at the end of the day and you have to make that decision. I’ve pretty much told my husband either support me in what I say or he can go live elsewhere honestly. My mother and law and I are extremely close especially after 20 years of being near each other but I’ve had to my down the law and sometimes that meant being mean. Good luck
As a mother in law I respect my daughter in laws wishes and never would I contradict them.
1 Like
I’m opposite, I feel my mom is too stern and doesnt spend much time with my kids. My kids dont like to go to her because she’s “boring.” Let grandma be grandma.
1 Like
Bottom she doesn’t get him until this Covid crap is over with. And if she continues to not respect you and your rules then she won’t have him alone. He is NOT her child! He is yours! As for your husband he needs to grow a pair and tell his mother to respect his wife.
Well I dont like making him cry to sleep in a room alone and going to alot of places…the water I think is good the juice can be limited…but my daughter wants me to feed my grandson stuff I know he doesn’t like or dont give him mcdonalds…I get him every other weekend and I dont wanna fight with him to eat so I make him stuff I know he will eat…but we r grandmas we raised our kids and they lived thru it so maybe a lil slack there…but your feeling should be validated
You are right to be upset! I would too. No baby should cry themself to sleep and don’t need juice
1 Like
Too much juice at an early age can cause issues with teeth development as the acid can be harmful to the enamel. As little as he is, if he has any juice it should definitely be watered down a lot. Water itself everyday isn’t a bad thing. Humans do need to drink water or it can cause dehydration and constipation since the bowels can become dry and make it harder to go #2. I do agree that travel should be limited.
The bottom line is that this is your baby. If she isn’t made to respect and follow your wishes as a parent now, she never will. My sister in law has this same issue with my MIL. I had 3 girls that she really didn’t have much to do with on her own. We had 3 girls in our early 20s and she wouldn’t watch them hardly at all. My parents had them so much more because they weren’t afraid of changing a diaper. When my brother in law and his wife had a son, she was so much more involved. Even more so when son #2 came along. They had a little girl this year that she’s only seen a few times. She does not follow anything that my sister in law has asked of her. She did the same to me until I finally stood up to her. Don’t be a doormat.
For me the crying to sleep part makes me uneasy coz u just don’t no how much he would cry before she dose anything…u can either limit the things ur worried about by changing things or just leave it the way it is…this is ur baby u are his mum not them I could never have my family or his family have my kids that much but that’s just me
This is not okay. Do not leave your child there. Grandma can come over and play with him or you can go to her house as a family.
I have six grandchildren I have taken all of them since the birth. I would never do anything with them I wouldn’t do with my own children when they were babies. And probably less than the moms would. But I bet you if I was given instructions not to do something… My ass would not be doing it in fear of losing my visiting. I think you should limit the visits and remind her of the rules and tell her it’s not her child it’s yours! No deals, no bartering. Your kid your rules or grandma don’t see unless you’re around
1 Like
Your rules as far as safety, nourishment, and comfort or he doesn’t go period you’re the Mom!
I would NOT be allowing her to have my baby until she showed me she was able to respect my wishes as a parent. Period.
1 Like
Cut the visits down to 1 day only and if she don’t reply to that put a stop to letting him go there. If you care about his health don’t let her take him out. He is your baby so put your foot down to her and your husband.
No way! Your baby your rules! I’d set him & her straight. And she deffently wouldn’t keep my baby overnight!
I wouldn’t let that fly, she can respect your rules or she can visit when you are there.
What just no more visits till the Kids 18 and can make his own decisions. Crying to sleep I’d be hopping mad. Juice water not unless you give permission. No more unsupervised visits PERIOD!
If she can’t abide by your rules, she doesn’t get him. YOU are the parent, not her… If she can’t understand that then she loses her alone time with them.
1 Like
I would absolutely not let my kids go around my in-laws if I didn’t feel that they trusted my parenting rules regardless of how ridiculous they thought they were
The juice thing is an issue but after 6 months small amounts of water especially in the summer is actually recommended but yeah I’d be furious because it’s not her place and your child is too young to ‘spoil when mommy’s not looking’ kind of deal
My advice is talk to your partner about how it’s making you feel and try not to sound blaming but it’s better and healthier then talking to strangers online 
good luck momma
I personally would draw the line with the crying himself to sleep. I don’t believe in doing that, I’m not condemning anyone who does but it just doesn’t sit right with me.
With the Covid stuff restrictions are almost fully lifted so as long as she is careful and being hygienic I can’t see a problem personally.
If your not comfortable and your MIL doesn’t want to follow your rules then you might just have to keep your baby on the weekends.
Being with grandparents and aunties ect normally means some treats anyways … however if mummy said don’t give my kids juice that means no. Letting ur baby cry it out when u don’t … NO NO NO sorry but no . I
I would tell her again ur not happy and say what u want if she don’t like it well no more sleep overs
1 Like
I’m sorry but you are in charge. Especially in the drinking situation. Take your power back but nicely.
1 Like
Besides the crying in a room alone is a huge NOOOO. I wouldn’t worry about juice and water, you’re only leaving him got a short while, and in that time let grandma spoil him and treat him.
I don’t think she should be taking him out unnecessarily, but what you can do is to check before you leave him with her, to see if she has plans that day. If not then let her know he’s not to go out Bcus of the virus etc
No you aren’t wrong. Dont let him stay with her. If shes not gunna honor your wishes on taking care of your child limit time spent with her.
Not okay. She is unnecessarily risking your child’s life. No way, she wouldn’t be watching him anymore if it were me.
your husband married you, not his mom. he needs to step up. loved the grandparents but they were pretty good with my kids
I wouldn’t let him go. If you can’t listen to how I want things with my child then you won’t take him unsupervised.
1 Like
Your baby, your decisions. I personally would stop letting her watch my child until she learned to respect my decisions and wishes as a parent. I feel if my babys crying she needs something so letting baby cio and putting baby at risk of getting sick would be total deal breakers for me.
Ask her if she would have appreciated her mother-in-law disrespecting her wishes and going against what she wanted done with HER children. Grandparents can absolutely spoil their grandkids and make memories with them without being disrespectful to the parents wishes. My parents AND my in laws always have.
But first and foremost, your husband needs to be on board and support you. You are the parents together. The reason his mother is continuing to not respect you is because he isn’t. He is allowing her behavior. You have to fix your husband problem before you can fix your MIL problem.
First off your husband needs to support you. I found nothing unusual about your wishes for Your child. The grandma is wrong in going against you. It’s like what you want is not important. As that child gets older and she goes against you and your child is aware of this the grandparent is planting seeds of rebellion. Whatever your beliefs are we have enough rebellion in society we do not need anymore.
I follow rules all the time. Unless crying at 8 months. But no juice either. I like to walk them around if screaming. These are my nephews children though. No grandkids yet!
If the MIL is taking the baby out in public despite the danger of coronavirus, she needs to stop. The baby is only 8 months old, & if he gets it he doesn’t have the ability to fight the infection. I’d make staying home a condition for having him until the danger is past. Right now new cases are still a problem & as states are reopening, some areas are seeing even higher amounts of new cases. I wouldn’t risk it!
Hey everyone. Theres a difference in spoiling grandkids and deliberately not following parents rules. It make the kids think they can override parents. And makes them think they dont have to follow rules.
Put your foot down, do NOT let her have unsupervised time with baby. Taking baby out during a pandemic and making baby CIO? That would be my hill to die on. Tell your husband to get off his moms boob and stand up to her, your child is more important than his mom.
Grandparents never listen! You can complain until your blue in the face, and it’s like talking to a wall. You give them a list of do’s and don’ts, the list goes right out the window. If you really don’t like it, you can limit his weekends🤷🏽♀️
I wouldn’t have her take him for the next few weekends so she knows to respect your rules
Don’t bow to your husband to make it more comfortable for him. I don’t give a flip if it is his mom. Rules are rules. He married you and if his ASS can’t have your back. Kick his ass to the curb bc if you let him bulldoze you on this it will ONLY get progressively worse. Then how you feel about anything, concerning your son will be irrelevant to them. My first marriage was exactly like this. My wants being ignored about how I wanted them cared for, and on and on.
Talking from personal experience, 14 years hard learned lessons.
Seriously. Stop the visits if you are that bothered by stuff. Other than the covid stuff nothing you are describing is gunna hurt the baby and you are just highly strung for no reason.
1 Like
Grandparents are wonderful, however, I’m concerned with her allowing the baby to cry itself to sleep. I would wonder what else was going on that I didn’t know about.
I’d tell her if she can’t respect your wishes the baby doesn’t go with her/ them, you’re the mother it’s your baby
1 Like
I would be upset … I don’t like other people usurping my mothering. Plus, she will just get worse if you don’t put your foot down. I would especially not like the baby crying to sleep … does she even go in and make sure everything is ok? Diaper? Baba? Too hot? Too cold? ect … Nothing wrong with sleep training but be attentive and loving. I would be ok with giving water (it is hot out) but it is your choice about juice. She has all week to run chores … why do it when she has the baby? It is a give and take situation … but be firm with what you absolutely do not like … if she still ignores you … start limiting her time with baby … she will get the hint.
1 Like
As a Grammy of 3…nope, nope,nope… i would never disrespect my daughter or daughter in laws wishes. And believe me I spoil my grands just within their parents wishes
Why is she taking care of him if she’s leaving him to cry (which is something that he probably isn’t used to), your concerns are valid. You need to have your husband on your side and address if not then don’t let her take care of him anymore
She takes your child every weekend.
Appreciate it.
Unless your child is a baby I wouldn’t worry about the rules they are old enough to understand “at home” rules and “at Grandma’s” rules.
Keep your baby ! Take care of your child instead of passing it along every weekend! Problem solved!
2 Likes
She has no right to make those decisions and she needs to be in your observation when she has your children.
1 Like
Ummm. You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too.
I would never let my baby stay with someone who lets them cry it out particularly if it is something that I wouldn’t do.
Don’t let her take him. Have her visit instead and if she complains about that say well when I complained about you going against my wishes with my baby you did it anyway. I’m not stopping you from seeing him
If you don’t need your MIL to take the baby on weekends then you need to stop letting her take him. It is easier to set boundaries now rather than wait.
I wish the father would back you up, but if he won’t then you’re on your own dealing with this.
While your rules are your rules, and should be followed, the biggest concern I see is her taking him around with her like some kind of accessory during the pandemic.
Good luck, hon.
I have followed my daughter - n-laws request. We talked about things I did with my boys at certain ages but if they didnt want it done I didnt. Though I can say they always liked the old time advice and most the time went with it. Just like juice and water no problem. The other day my 3 year old grandson wanted pop something he didnt need so to save the crying I suggested filling the sippy 3/4 with water WITH OUT HIM SEEING then let him see us pour pop in . It’s called picking your battles.
1 Like
How old is this granny is she over 65? Also beware this is the personality of a person that you say NO to juice she’s got your kids in a fast food drive 
and sprite!
1 Like
Your husband should not only support you 1000% in anything because he is married to you, but CERTAINLY because this is his child as well! I would be furious. At both of them! She needs not to take care of your child if she cannot obey the rules. I am a grandparent, and believe me when I say I listen to my children about their children. (Predominately because my mother ignored everything rule-related about my children and even cost me nursing my elder daughter by giving her bottles of formula BEHIND MY BACK.)
And she is blatantly disregarding ALL your healthby taking that child out during the virus.
Bring baby for visits but don’t leave him with her. She doesn’t respect you at all!
2 Likes
As a parent you got put your foot down and set limits if not followed then she can’t see him unsupervised or at all
1 Like
Oh hell no. I had at one point dealt with the same thing. Sorry regardless of what your husband says because it’s his mom ABSOLUTELY do not let her do it. If you continue to allow her to then she will just get worse and worse with it. Draw the line. Tell her if she can’t respect the rules for your child then she will not be aloud to take the child anymore and if she wants to spend time that it will be at your own house so you can monitor her to make sure she is doing what you ask
1 Like
You have to stop it now or it will get worse. Either she respects and follows your parenting rules or she misses out. Nip it in the bud now otherwise she will walk all over you and as for your other half? Tell him he either sticks up for you or he can go live with mummy. You come first no question.
I’m siding with mom , I’m a grand and great grandma and babies at eight months shouldn’t cry themselves to sleep. They should held and rocked and sang too , they are only little once. As for taking he baby out around other people that’s a no no , with this virus and people have to touch ! So I say ¡ Grandma can have the baby for a couple of hours then the baby comes home.
I never let my own 8 month cry itself to sleep so I wouldn’t be happy about someone else doing it without me there
The sleep training I’d lose my shit over in a big way because if your not doing it hes not going to actually learning from it and it’s just mean to leave him to cry could really affect him in the long run other things I’d let go but that one is a big no for me and I would have to say to her if you carry on doing it you will not be having my child
The juice is be upset over. My son is almost 2, and I just don’t do it. He also doesn’t like sweet. And he’s also lactose intolerant so his vitamins and nutrients are coming from a different milk.
I do water on hot days, but with an 8 month old, milk/ formula is what they should be having as per the American Academy of Pediatrics.
It’s all fine that she raised her own kids, but this baby is yours.
I’ve done self soothing with my kids, but I set a timer and after so many minutes, would go in and rub their backs and calm them.
I’ve 4 kids, each was different.
My last little guy just curls up with his huge baby shark and he’s good.
Taking out to the stores, I’d flip.
- This is playtime with grandma, not lets run errands all day. If she has stuff she needs to do, baby can stay home. That’s not keeping him safe.
But, you and your husband have to be united in the decision about your child.
Maybe limit the time he is with her, so she can’t take him out or he doesn’t nap/ sleep there.
1 Like
How do you comfortably talk about your rules / boundaries to your family members? Asking for myself 
.
1 Like
My child, my rules (within reason). Don’t want to respect that, you don’t get alone time.
1 Like
Your husbands needs to have a talk with her but you need to be with him… this is not her child but her grandchild… visits alone with her could stop … make it clear… you are protecting your child… make it clear that she follows the rules or else… learn from my mistakes… you could limit her play time to your house and set up cameras… enjoy an evening out, etc… COVID is real and you have a right to be worried…ps… if you let her get away with things now wait until he’s a teenager and she lets him do anything behind your back… ps… I follow the rules that my children have when I babysit and it’s not hard…they have rules for a reason… MIL needs to respect your rules or spend less time… plain and simple
I would not let her have the time like that if she isn’t respecting your wishes.
I’d be super annoyed!! She either follows your parenting rules or she doesn’t get him on weekends.
I am a grandmother and I let her parents make the rules. You can respectfully sit down and talk to her. She’s an adult and can understand what you want . 
I’d tell her straight not to do those things and if she doesn’t agree, she doesn’t get to babysit him. End of, no discussion. She can come to you and hang out and play whilst you’re there instead.
6 Likes
I could overlook the juice/water but i absolutely would not overlook letting my baby at 8 mos cry himself to sleep if she can’t give him the attention he needs maybe he shouldn’t sleep over and traveling around with him during this time with covid 19 running rampid the way it is would be the deal breaker with me i would most definitely put my foot down whether dad likes it or not she is putting your baby at a very high risk of coming in contact with that virus that could very well take his life and everyones memories it’s just that time in life right now where alot of things aren’t fair but it’s not an option
Yikes- you’re the parents. If she can’t respect you’re rules, she doesn’t deserve to be in their life. Period.
I wouldn’t worry about the water. Small amounts of water are fine but that’s where the list ends. He’s to young for juice, cry it out, and to be going out with all the cooties in the air. I’d go over an hang out with your mother in law and the baby so she can’t pull that crap. You can’t really tell her what to do if your not there and she’s in charge
If it were me, with the CIO thing, she wouldn’t be keeping my child over night anymore.
My mum broke every single rule I had for my kids including not smoking while they were there, she was taking them out with her to smoke and even holding them to, she did the same to me when I was a kid and got all these health problems from it, I confronted her straight away as we agreed to her doing these particular rules and she just didn’t care so as she was a health risk to my kids I did not let her see them until she took us seriously and even now a year later she isn’t allowed to be alone with the kids because we can’t trust her.
If she would never harm your child, and you receive your baby back and he’s happy and not traumatized, and if she probably did these things with her own kids, I’d let her be grandma. You don’t have to do those things. But I think they worked for her and it sounds like she’d jump in front of a bus for her grandbaby, so I think you can trust in her.
10 Likes
Sorry but shes doing what l would do. You could give him a mask to wear at the shops .
1 Like
I’d stop her from having him if she isn’t going to fall the rules.
Naturally grandparents spoil our kids but there’s a limit especially when ask not to do something.
Your muma what you say goes
Put your foot down and straighten her out. If you don’t now, she’ll walk all over you for the rest of this kids life. Your child, your rules. She only makes the rules for the ones she pushes out. I had to deal with a similar situation. She might be butthurt at first but she’ll get over it and listen if she wants to see her grandkids.
Looks to me like it is time for a good husband and wife fight. He needs to support you! Especially with this virus going around.
Why he can’t have water?!
Grandparents relive their motherhood through their grandchildren not making excuses for what shes doing because you are the mother but no water?
You are not wrong in any way. This is your child. Your world. In my opinion she is endangering your child. Let alone, disregarding your wishes. For safety at that. I would not trust her. I have grandkids. 6, 4 & 6 months. I spoil them,but never in regards to safety. They’ve been on lockdown just until recently. I dont think an 8 month old should be in a room alone crying himself to sleep. He is not even completely comfortable there. Sounds kinda like abuse to me. Does she really want to spend “time” with her grandchild or something else. She sounds like trouble to me.
My mother in law got to take a break from watching my baby when she was disrespecting our parental boundaries 
Then I posted about boundaries on my facebook (which I knew she’d see) and she got the hint
I wouldn’t be letting her take him if she won’t follow your choices 🤷 your child not hers
We let a lot of “little rules” slide at grandmas house - ie if they eat snacks all day or grandma wants to rock them half the day then cool, or more screen time etc her house and I don’t complain. My mom has always been great about asking beforehand though if there is anything we have specific rules on like dietary needs (my oldest has a medical condition so can’t have certain foods/drinks) and bigger things. It’s kind of a pick your battles, some things are not a big deal, safety related - which in this post the sleeping and the juice and the going out a lot unnecessarily, to me, are all safety related - it would be worth drawing a line and having a conversation about and if she is not willing to do as you ask then pull back and keep baby home with you.
I would definitely be standing my ground and probably flipping out on her… For giving my child juice and water At eight months old you’re only supposed to have 2 to 4 ounces of water or juice at the most!!
Also I’d be pissed If they left my child alone in a room to cry himself to sleep smh
1 Like