My MIL doesn't listen to my parenting rules when she has my son: Advice?

No you can be upset. All those things are serious besides the water. Kids that age should actually be drinking a bit of water everyday

When my MIL ignores my parenting choices she was put on time out for a month or two and then probation so far she has NOW followed what I asks after a 2 month time out.

Obviously you are not that worried about COVID 19, or else you wouldn’t let her take him in the first place. If these things bother you that much, just stop letting her have him. That’s pretty much your only option. :woman_shrugging:

I’d give her one warning. The next time it happened, she’d become the grandma we never see.

Just because it’s his mother doesn’t mean she’s in the right or she’s not going to do harm to the child we all understand she loves the grandchild more than anything but needs to realize there are parental rules and boundaries the safety of the child during this pandemic and just for the soul fact that we get it she was a mother but she absolutely needs to respect the daughter-in-law’s wishes on what to do with the child and what not to do…

I would stop her having him for a little while especially if youve told her off for thst a few times the only thing shes doing thst i see problem with is the juice and tsking ur kid out snd about coz of whats going on atm

Talk to her? Sounds like your husband is like talking to a wall. If you want your voice heard go straight to the source, voice your concerns. Either she complies or things need to change. Simple.

No
Your not
It’s simple
Make a choice to please her and keep peace
Or
Gently enforce the restrictions in your child’s best interest—I can tell you from experience—people will get upset— staying calm for your husband—but standing up for your child is your personal job—and it’s causing you stress
Therefore just shift the stress…who will your son benefit from??? Her being upset or you?
Read that again.
I’ve been there—mine learned respect is reciprocated. Not one sided. No it won’t be easy but it will sink in, in time. Your stressed. Speak up.
I hired a babysitter. Who stayed home…for
A while then slowly let her know why I wasn’t allowing mine to visit outside of my vision.
The
Conversation got heated
I stayed calm
But diligent.

I have 7 kids and 3 grandkuds. My youngest is 9 months, my youngest granddaughter is 4 months. My daughter and I were pregnant together. I have to say… if I won’t let my kids do it, I won’t let the grandkids either.

Ummm its either follow my rules or your not taking him. Its that simple.

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No ur mama. Youre the only one who can stand up for your child and he needs you to. Even against family. She should respect your wishes or have limited contact until she can

You’re the mum. i find most of this incredibly rude… water can be given to babies from 6 months. But everything else is personal choice

Wheres ur mum when ur mil has ur kid .take it she does a way better job .
…ur seeing this womans son so she must have did a good enought job before …chill out ur mil wont allow any harm to come to ur son .and at least shes telling u she lets him cry ext…if she didn’t u wouldn’t know . .too much stick on mil for my liking. And one day ur gonna be one

Trying to decide on both sides here. First what does your pediatrician say about your area and Covid? I ask that because most don’t allow the kid’s out to public for “fun” this grandparent taking this child out in public for every weekend since when? The other factor is check your county rules are you allowed to use the playground yet in your area? If the answer is yes then it’s possible an outing wouldn’t be so bad but only if you as the parent agree to the location and what’s going on. To be honest on the other stuff pick your battles she is taking a baby who’s 8 months in diapers on a weekend for you without you. Consider how much a babysitter would cost for the hours on this. Most parents did a rule in feb or March saying this stay at home order was for their child to stay home. Just realize if every weekend has been since April or May? She’s already taken this kid out more than any of my kid’s have left the house and my youngest is already over 2 years old.

8 month olds don’t “hang out and play”. That is babysitting. Don’t like it then dont have her babysit.

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I would say talk to her about it and if she doesn’t want to change take the privilege away.

Seems simple … keep your child on the weekends… And invite her over to spend time with him.

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Husband needs to back you up and talk to his mum about what your wishes are. You are the parents.

Ummmm no. I am the parent an if the rules i set cant be followed then visits will be limited to when i am able to be around. My parents spoiled to dickens out if my girls an i am completely okay wi it an also allow it but if i have made a decision on something it needs to be followed across the board.

I’m totally on your side. I just want to caution you that she might keep doing things like this and just decide to not tell you anymore. That’s what my MIL does with her own daughter.

Your rules, if she cant respect them back away a bit, let her know how you feel.

Just don’t leave him - after all, she doesn’t know how to parent because she never had one, - right??

I would personally never leave her alone with him. That’s so messed up on her part. You’re mommy and what you say goes

Oh yeah, just forget that some crazy old woman is taking your son and neglecting him. 8 months old is not old enough for water or juice, they are too small still. I say she shouldn’t take him at all

I am sure she means no harm but I suggest you find another babysitter. You won’t teach an old dog new tricks.

I would be super upset for your rules. But I gotta ask… did you talk to hubs and make the rules together in unison or is it just your rules. What your MIL is doing is wrong but if you didn’t talk to your husband and decide together, you are not going to win this battle.

Right now, yiur lil one gets NOTHING from “spending the night”… I would change up the hours n have him sleep at home.

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Put your foot down now she testing wait till the babies older she will feel like she has a say in rules for your kids

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I’d be mad about the letting my 8 month old cry alone in a room…

Wait til child is older and go over rules with her that might have changed as he gets older

If parents say no, and grandparents don’t respect that, then the kids don’t go there unsupervised anymore. That’s completely inappropriately. If you don’t deal with it now, it will only get worse. With or without your husbands support, you have to take charge.

I babysit greatgrand children I do not take them out anywhere it’s not safe anymore

Don’t let her get your son. She obviously could care less about the boundaries you set.

I have a 8 month old grandchild and there is nothing wrong with them drinking water and juice it is good for them ! As of taking him to stores ok I would be upset to I do not like my daughter in law taking my granddaughter out but she is the mom as of letting the baby cry I used to let my babies cry because if not you spoil them I do not let my granddaughter cry all the time but if she is fussy then I do ! I am sorry you need to talk to your mother in law but as being a grandma the part about the water and juice your doctor will tell you at 8 months your son should be drinking those things

I mean she’s basically co parenting with you you get every weekend off, you cannot dictate what she does it’s simple don’t like it don’t let him leave your house, or pay for a babysitter who will probably still care for your kid the way they want to. She’s not even doing anything wrong

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I have my mom living with me and anything my kids (4,6 and 10) go to her for she sends them to me. If they are hungry, what shows they can watch and how long they can be on the tablet so I just told her food is unlimited and must include fruits and veggies and I told her when she thinks they have been on the tablet too much then it’s time for them to do another activity like actively playing.

You are not wrong. You are the mother. Your common sense sounds more sound than hers.

Why do you let her take him he to small

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If the MIL doesn’t want to do as asked, then bring the baby over to visit with you there, but not stay over.

What harm has she really did. Is she taking him somewhere you ask her not to. That would be wrong.

I 100% feel it’s your child, your rules and if someone can’t follow your rules than they lose privileges to your child.

The mama is the boss. It’s a privilege when I get my grandkids. If there’s a specific rule I go by it!!! RESPECT THE PARENTS

Your his mother. Do what you feel is right. I wouldn’t take him to grandma’s house until she listens to you.

Maybe I missed it but how do you know those things are going on since baby is to young to tell you any of it?

You already raised your kids, let your children raise theirs the way they want! And respect their decisions.

my in laws do this kinda stuff. mostly my FIL. So they just don’t get to keep them lol

If they dont follow your rules they dont get your baby. Grandparents are important but your childs health comes before family connections.

No. Not at all. I would NOT let my baby stay with her. Sounds like she is deliberately undermining your choices as a parent.

You have every right to be mad. This is your son you give Pacific instructions and right now with the cov19 I would not let him stay with her until she can follow your instructions .

My child would NOT be going over anymore.

She would never be alone with my child again.

I wouldn’t leave your child with her. You lost me with the crying in the other room part…big nope.

Why are you upset about giving water to an 8 month old??
I understand the juice.
I genuinely want to know why your upset about the water though?
My boy was having it since birth??

No you’re not wrong she’s totally disrespecting everything you’ve asked her not to do it’s called disrespect

Is this your first child? Lol you learn to pick your battles

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I would have to speak up about my wants for my child.

shut it down, your child your rules. If MIL can’t respect it, start going with her or stop the visits. Its YOUR CHILD.

I wouldn’t even be leaving him there alone the very first time who knows what else she’ll do

Your husband’s loyalty should be to you and your son.
I was put in that position by my own mother, and the damage she did to the relationship with my daughter is only just beginning to get straightened out.
Protect yourself.

Looks like granny won’t be getting baby time if she can’t follow the rules. Point blank. Take it from me 13 years later it doesn’t get easier

As a grandmother, I do tend to spoil my grandbabies but I also try to follow the rules my son and daughter in law set. My grandson is 5 and he isn’t allowed soda so there is no soda in my house but he does have a snack basket available for him. My granddaughter is 18 months and I hold her and she falls asleep and I allow her to eat whatever she wants but no sweets because once again that goes against her parents rules. Yet, I will buy toys and clothes whenever I want and drop them off at their house. I will give them money to take my grandbabies out to dinner.
You can still spoil and follow the parents rules

your kid, your rules, no matter who it comes to.

Why on earth would you let your baby stay ANYWHERE other than with you at such a young age !

Theres one thing in spoiling our Grandkids, and another in crossing the line and disrespecting the Parents rules for their child or children. I would gently remind her… And tell her you feel disrespected… If she gets an attitude… Distance yourself and your children until she gets the message. Boundries are good. Not bad. Dont allow her to manipulate you…

Speak up,
The longer you let that go on the harder itll be to out your foot down in future,

Find another sitter. Grandma doesn’t not respect boundaries. What is more disturbing is your husband is not backing you up…

What happens at grandmas stays at grandmas
Enjoy getting a break.
Why are you complaining?

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Keep your kid with you. I’m not sure what the problem is: Your husband turned out alright. Jeez

You are their mother, have you discussed with her? Do so with your husband present and he better back you. 8 mos is young but nip it now!

Make a big deal about it… I made my rules for my kids like no drinking pop and my mil respects that to the tee… Also covid is not a joke and not to be taken lightly… my 4 kids haven’t been no where since it started… And thats a huge no no to let a baby cry him/herself to sleep… All that is unacceptable… Husband need to put his big boy pants on and help you enforce the rules

Juice and water is nothing, granted you did ask her not to. But when it comes to COVID put your foot down that is your baby. Shoot my mom tried buying a car seat so she could take my son on car rides I told her she gets a car seat and he will not be allowed over without my husband or I. She isn’t the best driver that’s why I made that rule.

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Looks like someone just lost their grandparent privileges. 🤷

No way would she be looking after my child again! My child so look after them my way.

My ex always sided with his mom. That caused alot of trouble between us.

No, Mother In law or not she wouldn’t be watching my son. She is reckless.

I respect my daughter’s wishes. I didn’t raise her to be treated like dirt. Her voice matters!

that would be an automatic, that’s my kid, you don’t get to have him unsupervised until you get your shit straight. i had to put my MIL in her place about it

They need water especially in this weather. Milk is food they also need a little drink now and then.

Keep your child at home where all rules will be followed

You’re justified!!! No one should go against you especially when you’re right!!

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It sounds like she’s using your baby as an accessory.

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Your child your rules tell her she can’t follow them you’ll cut down her time with him . She needs to listen to you and hubby needs to be on your side

It is your child it is done your way or not at all.

Letting a baby cry themselves to sleep? How long is in there crying??

I dont think she should let him cry alone but the juice thing should be fine as long as she dilutes it down with water

That’s what grandmas are for. She obviously raised her son in a fashion that you apparently approved of because you married him.

Nope. Your kid, your rules. I would NOT let her take him anymore. She can however take back her own son.

Why in a Jesus name would you let anyone to take 8 month old every weekend?? They can visit, play with the baby & then go home…but I guess then you wouldn’t have anything to complain about :woman_shrugging:

Why does she have him every weekend ?

Dont let your children’s lives be dictated by anyone but you

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You have every weekend kid free? What’s that like?

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Put your foot down but be willing to give up the sitter.

Uhm… keep your baby at home, and don’t allow overnight visits.
She’s acting like a coparent because she is…

She takes him every week end? Why?

You have to put your foot down or nothing with changw.

Just explain to her yhat covid 19 really does exist. Thats why you ask for caution. You dont want jom to het sick while he is with her because you know she wouldnt want that on her mind for the rest of her life. Caution is all we’re asking. If you’re so busy that you have to have him out so much, we could look for another sitter. No hard feelins intended! Just caution.

Grandma ain’t gonna have any visitation for a while sorry not sorry

No you’re the mom so you’re the rule maker!! Its your child not hers.

Is it a karma in some form?

Be mama bear and put your foot down babe straight up