I’m no help. I’m like this with my dad… I’m over at least 2-3 times a week. him and my mom split recently and I’ve been trying to be supportive and be there for him.
It would bug me to, just talk to her. Tell her that you guys need space and your family time. Just be honest with her, and if she doesn’t like it then tell her she needs to stop coming over. If she has a key either take and or change the locks and tell your husband to suck it up. I kinda had to do the same thing with my husband and my mother in law, she just wasn’t coming over everyday. But still I get it.
If you want to be by yourselves, let her know that on certain days it just you, husband and kids. She is probably just lonely
Aww… I feel for you, I do. I’m a grandma and my daughter and son inlaw bought a home around the corner from me. I don’t go over every day. When I’m not there they wonder what I’m doing. When I’m there they dont want me to leave. I tell my SIL you’re going to get tired of me. He says never! But if they ever said hey Ma, we just want us family time I would respect that. 
my daughter just gave birth to my 3rd grandson and I’ve been there every other day. Today I receive a text" don’t you want to see your grandson"? I count my blessings.
I would go straight to the source. My MIL was and still kinda is, HELLA annoying. I had a sit down talk with her about how she acts, talks and interferes with our marriage. She didn’t like it but she got the point. Bye bye annoying MIL lol then I had a sit down talk with my husband and my MIL. He quickly understood what was going on when she cut me off, said I was lying and was being plain rude. The breaking point was her trying to break into the NICU when our daughter was born bc she wanted to see her… My hubs was like…ummmm no. He saw how it really was. We still see her and talk to her but she knows her place.
I don’t think it’s fair to force your spouse to have your mom over everyday if they don’t want to. The frequency of a mother’s visits should be agreed upon by both. You cannot just go about ignoring your spouses wishes knowing they are uncomfortable or unhappy without it exploding in your face and your mother’s face one of these days. That’s all I see coming, a big ugly fight. When my kids are married I don’t want to force them to see me everyday, I want them to miss me and enjoy the visit.
I’m a mother in law I love my son and he to is a mommas boy but I try to be invited and give them space even though I want to be a great grandmother. But I’ve had terrible mother in laws so it’s a iffy situation don’t hurt her feelings.
Maybe this will not be a issue some time go out on date nights and still have cook out and family gatherings show her appreciation
date night more regular
Accept your blessing and be grateful. My mother and father in law lived with us for 23 years, best gift ever for our kids.
Def have to talk to your husband about how you feel, and if he even notices it. Men are oblivious, and if women don’t speak up. Tell them whats bothering us, they wouldn’t even know!!
Set boundaries and let him know, hey… maybe 3-4 days out of the week she can come hang out??
Is the MiL single? Is she lonely? Or maybe she can’t stand her husband and hides at your house. Again…maybe she thinks you NEED her help. I could def use company and help at my house.
… my in laws only CALL every 4-6 months. I would like for my in laws to be more involved, but that’s their lost.
I guess it’s really how you look at it.
Lots of breathing but be assertive either way she won’t take it the way she should. Especially if your SO doesn’t see a problem or atleast understand you and back you up. He married you not his mother all I’m saying.
Have you ever thought that she love all of you and maybe she misses her own family and I lonely I have been to some of my kids houses and felt like a sore thumb DoN’t mistreat her!!!
I’d say something she can’t just invite herself over like that try to come up with a days where she can come over
I understand where you are coming from, but please try to be gentle when approaching the subject. My parents and my husbands parents are all dead and never even lived long enough to meet the kids.
Well I’m blessed to have my mother and mother in law we lost my father and father in law a week apart in 2015 and we have had our moms with us every day since I would not change it for the world and when we want alone time we just get them to babysit for the weekend and we go get a hotel
Sounds like you need to talk to your husband and find a common ground for family visits.
I would talk to your husband about your feelings first. Maybe you can try to find friends for her and set up “adult play dates” for the mother-in-law once a week?
If hubby doesn’t see an issue with it. Then you need to do something embarrassing if she comes over without calling in advance. I have done this. W my mother. She calls now
I would just politely tell her that you’d like to spend time with your kids and to only come over certain times a week, or, leave her with all the kids and go have you time lol 
If you love her & enjoy her being around the only way is to be honest. Send the kids to her more often, gives you a break too.
I wish my mother in law was still alive. She didn’t get to see my youngest son, he’s 12.
I’m close with my parents, my husband isn’t close with his. I have an open door policy with My family as I remember them having growing up. You’re being very much sensitive.
Give her chores to do or go in your room and nap when she’s there. You and hubby should leave for a date or when she comes, you love up on your hubby and then he won’t be able to give him the attention she’s seeking.
Everybody loves Raymond series comes to mind here .
Patience, and understanding is needed on both sides. Can you have a open honest talk with her ?
Give her some house cleaning job’s to do… fold wash clothes, mate socks, easy items… She needs to know she has a place still in the family. Enjoy her.
I would say something, but if you find that difficult you can always make up an excuse. Find a reason why you will not be in tomorrow. You are taking the kids to the zoo and will not be home. You do not actually have to go to the zoo, but after 3-4 times of you not being home and available for her she should get the point.
Tell you you would like 1 day a week for just your little family time and 1 day for date night I’m sure she won’t get offended
If you and her get a long, I would have an honest conversation with her and just for her to give you guys and adult night or two
Communication. It not hard to do.
“I would like family time at least 2 days a week”
Sign her up for volunteer work"
Yeah like a lot of the comments here, honesty goes a long way… Although I totally understand it’s not easy to be frank and up front, and that you are worried to rub her the wrong way… I believe it all lies in the way you approach her, so have a good heart to heart sit down. You seem to already have a good relationship with your mil so in saying that hopefully she’ll understand and take it the right way. Better to get it out there than bottle up resentment towards her which one day may eventually blow up and ruin the family dynamic which I’ve seen first hand…
OK I am on mom who wants to be around every moment of every day with my son and if he let me I would be there and I would be this woman that you’re speaking of so how my son dealt with it was mom I love you mom I love you being around mom my children love you my wife loves you but I got married for a reason because I want a family you are my family but I need alone time with my wife and childrenAnd it’s a simple as that but he should say something that is his place do not suck it up and no matter how sad she is no matter how much she cries for no matter how guilty you feel stand your ground but there’s gonna be a time where they’re going to say so when can I be here and when Cant I do I need to call First because it’s going to come out so be prepared put it together in your mind and express it from your heart to your husband if he won’t speak to her then you really have no choice but to speak to her good luck
Just ask for space. If y’all are good. She’ll get it. Otherwise enforce boundaries and expect a bit hurt feelings, she’s a big girl. Get husband’s support.
A short daily visit with the kids is one thing, but if she is at your house for hours, maybe ask to cut it back.
Fuck most these comments telling u how u should feel lmao it’s you’re life you only have one talk with you’re husband about it and maybe he can talk to her about it just be blunt n say how u feel
1 Like
Ask her if she wants to have the kids visit over at her house. Tell her you need some “me time” or alone time with your husband and you would loveeee if she could watch the kids.
Take control, put her to work, tell when is a good time and when is not. She is family.
Same issue. My MIA is always stopping by she even lives on the other side of town. Literally she comes over for no reason at all. I had to put a stop to it.
Just say I love You and appreciate U but I need my space, maybe U could come 2 days a week! Call first and we can set up a time!
1 Like
You can be respectful and set boundaries. Nothing wrong with that.
Got over yourself at least u have a mother in law that visits
2 Likes
Your husband should step up to the plate and take care of this for you, if not it’s going to put a strain on your marriage.
We are blessed. Our son and daughter in law are putting an addition on the house for us inlaws
Don’t suck it up at all. He is married to you not his mom and you… you and him deserve your own space… I would talk to her and ask her for space… or ask before she comes over. Me and my husband have went through this also
Get use to it because unless your husband have a problem with it, she’s going to visit as much as she wants. If you want to spend time with your husband,why not send the kids to her house? What if her coming over creates a bigger problem and your husband starts going to his mom’s house daily spending as much time as he wants with her then you’re going to still complain. I think you’ve forgotten the old saying" You only get one mother and you better cherish every minute with her as if it was her last day".
Say something. Healthy boundaries are so important.
Honesty is best policy. Sit her down and talk to her about it. Don’t get mad or it will turn on you ASAP! Explain to her how you feel about her coming over. It will work out fine.
Ask her to babysit overnight. Make it a positive outcome for yourself as well. My bf has to bribe his parents just to babysit when they were here. And I have to fly my mom over from another island. We don’t get that type of quality family time
Deal with it. Be blessed u still have your mother in law around. You sound kind of selfish to me.
My fiancé’s mom was that way and he is a huge momma boy well was. She thought it was a game to see if picked me or her and needless to say we have two babies our own house and we’re getting married in 41 days. So she texted me and said “you win” I showed my fiancé he went to her house threw her house key in her house and told her he’s done. Thankfully she’s outta our life’s not aloud me my kids or near my wedding. In laws are the worse I swear.
100% you need to speak to your husband. Let him know how you feel and then in my opinion its his issue he needs to deal with/ talk to his mom.
You definitely deserve time with just your own little family. Too much is too much and it doesnt have to be hateful… but your feelings matter.
If your husband brushes you off you need to be firm and if he continues I would look into therapy from there. Nothing wrong with MIL spending time but like i say too much is too much and you do deserve to have your own family time. And your feelings 100% matter… its all about compromise and communication.
Oh wow. I know how you feel. I loved my mil. But she was there every day and it’s too much.
I would feel exactly the same but you dont want to start issues within the family… maybe have a good talk with your husband and get him to say something to her.
Enjoy her company because some of us don’t have family members around like you. We are in the world alone.
There’s only one thing you can do, and you know it. But first you’ve got to give yourself permission to say something.
Leave the kids with her while you go grocery shopping… or you can get away and take a ride…
Pick up your hubby at work- and take your time getting home… Use the time she’s there…
I had the same I told her I didn’t need help everyday and couple times a week was enough but she’s not over much now
I had this problem as well my mother in law is a control freak and wants to control everything her kids do and she couldn’t do me that way I sat my husband down and told him how I felt about it and he put a stop to it she don’t like it or me but a husband is supposed to put his wife before his mom
Start Not Being at home she will not know if your there or not before she makes a drive over there A few trips and finding your not home she will stop making them as much
Suck it up one day that man and thise kids wont have her. Then you as well will wish you had her to help and spend time with. When you get older you get lonely. Our kids and grandkids are what keeps us going. No matter their age
This was the bond they had before you came along and this is the bond that you must get used to. You’re going to look negative if you try to go in between them causing friction
1 Like
I wish, we have no other family near other than 2 gmas and 1 GPA. Only 1 gmail has been there 4 one day, wed since he b.c was born, maybe 2-1 weekend night stay. So it sucks.
It’s bothering you , therefore you need to tell her how you feel about her always being over.
Does she help or judge? I’d love the help but if she’s just there to judge that’s not ok
One sure far away to keep her from just popping in answer the door naked and say your husband’s tied in the bed she won’t do it again she’ll call no explanation no words but I bet she calls next and she’ll ask if everything’s okay before she comes over
What time does she come make a plan go the park about thg she gets there
Go out for days and say to your husband wasnt that nice that it was just us for the day. Maybe we should have more just us days…at home too hahahha xx
I wish , more then anything, my Mother-in-law was still on Earth , I would welcome her every day.
Be glad you have a mother in-law that wants to be around. Trust me it really sucks when it’s the other way around and there’s hostility and an absent grandparent.
I’m sorry. I have a similar issue. We can’t seem to get through to her.
She is an adult and so are you. Have a woman to woman talk and let her know how you feel
Don’t let anyone bully you into something that makes you miserable. Compromise and talk to her about just a couple of days
Just be lucky lol my kids dont ever even see their grandparents their never involved…
Go out daily and she probably will be pissed that everytime she comes…no one is home. Tell her to call next time and I bet it will stop lol
Have your parent come over every night for a week or so and see if your hubby still thinks it’s not a problem haha. Just tell her not to come everyday not that hard really we need to stop being so worried about upsetting people, tell her you love her coming but not every day
Tell her you love her but you need space and time with your family by yourselves you have to set boundaries.and talk to your husband and tell him how you feel
You should talk directly to her about it. She is an adult and should be understanding.
I would love for mine to be up my butt like that. Instead she has barely anything to do with us and since my mom is passed it’s like they don’t have a grandma. I will trade mil with you.
1 Like
Just remember…one day you will be the mother in law…
1 Like
Make certain days and times for her to come over to give you your own space for the other ones.
It’s such a crazy time . My vote as a gma is let it go & work on a plan for alone time - bet she will understand.
Just start giving her lots of chores to do around the house or leave the kids with her. Eventually she will get sick of it and stop coming around. 
Maybe ask her to take the kids to her house for the weekend and spend some time with your husband and explain how you feel to him
Tell her the clothes and dishes need to be done. That’s how I handled it.
Leave her at home with the children more often and she won’t come over as often true story
It would be nice if mine would do that. It would help us. But I grew up like that. I enjoy it.
This all started last week? Ladies, if ANYTHING bothers you about us, there is a 5 date limitation on when you can complain. And if you have let it go on for more than a 7day week of every day visits of more than 15 minutes. Suck it up. You built this monster.
Be careful when you do say something because there’s a good chance that she’s going to freak out when you try setting boundaries. You should have boundaries. They are not only normal but also necessary for your family and you. Try to sit down with her and your spouse and set boundaries with specific days she’s welcome to come visit.
I used to think that way and then my mil took sick w dementia and I miss her so much
Ummm you suck it up. One day she wont be there .she loves you and your kids . She is good to you. She helps you and your kids . Be grateful. She obviously needs you and her grandchildren and her son as well. One day she will be gone and then everyone will be sad and miss her .
36 Likes
One day you will be the mother in law. You may be lonely without seeing your kids I hope they want you to visit and be part of their families.
Take the kids to her house and leave them for grandma time… (before she ever gets to your house)
You should say thank you. If you had a monster in law you would know the difference. One day she won’t be here. And you will wish she was
Same in this house but its bfs uncle and uncle gets very mad when told to leave 
Feed her. Everytime she come’s over feed her something that she will say, dang this one doesn’t know how to cook. Maybe that will stop her.
Encourage her to join social groups. Is she crafty? Find a craft social group in her interests. Something to divert her attention somewhat. We have Probus here in Australia which is a retirees Rotary group. They go on cruises, day trips etc. If she has close friend/s see if they can all go together? Or even speak to one of her close friends to see if they can help.
Fuck all those bitches saying “be grateful!” You are. But it’s also okay to not want her at you’re freaking house every single day… You only get peace in two places, your home and the grave.
#1 you should tell your dude that you love his mom, but enough is enough. He should be the first one to branch the subject since it’s his mom.
#2 If it were me(I personally avoid confrontation until it’s absolutely unhealthy so… maybe not do exactly as I would do)… I’d start leaving the house every day before the time she usually comes over… And I mean, I’d be gone all day. After about a week or two she’ll start calling to see when your coming back, say you don’t know. If she’s waiting for you at the house when you get home… I’d start an honest, but very nice talk about how you love her, and you love spending time with her, but maybe she should only come over two or three days a week.
5 Likes
I dont see it as big deal I would love to get all that help I’m actually jealous for all the support you getting from her jajajaja. My advice is You have to talk to her , bc as mom she knows her son and if you send him to talk to her she might misinterpret it since he doesn’t have any issues with that. She might become resentful and take it personally . The best will be you setting some personal space and boundaries ,If you having set any yet I think is time, nothing’s wrong with setting limits with family members is healthy and necessary , is just my opinion .
my aged neighbor visits regularly I also get my other neighbor groceries it’s hard having my space encroached on regularly but I make a difference for them
Beat her to it and go over and leave within maybe like 2 hours or however long . But I’ve been there myself it can get hard .
Be kind , be honest and tell her with love . Now while she had her time to her husband and children, it’s your turn . Maybe set up certain days , dinner , family fun nights , etc…
Remember what comes around goes around .
When I visit my youngest and her fam in Tennessee ( I’m based in Indiana) I rarely go to their home when her husband is there ( Monday- Thursday) and that’s is quite a bit of time . However I know I’m not welcomed when he is home . Is it hurtful … sometimes! And especially when I help with cleaning, laundry, yard work , etc ., but it is what it is and I’m not there to see him anyway .
Maybe I strayed a bit with this answer, but hopefully you can see that you need to think of her feelings as well .
Don’t make him choose , and just be loving when you handle it .
Let’s us know how it turns out , much love 