Man up and hussshhh just begreatful u have one and get job done
Ummā¦ what!? Haha. Shes a guest in your home. Really, girl?
I donāt expect my MIL to lift a finger or my mom when they come over. If they do it they do it but I always say donāt Iāll take care of it because thatās my mom or MIL & they should be there to visit. I guess it also depends on the relationship you have with your MIL to me it sounds resentful. Curious to know how the spouse of this in law feels.
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Whenever my mom cooks a big meal for someone, me and my boyfriend still stay and clean everything up. But when I cook everything I never really expect anyone else to if they are a guest.
I gladly help my mother in law in her home but she is not required to help me in mine. Spending time with her grand babies is all that sheās required to do when she enters my home. I cook for her. Clean after her. Bring her drinks. I want her comfortable and relaxed in my home. Idk. I treat everyone that way but everyone who visits me is welcome to anything in my home. If they want to fix their own drink or plate then theyāre more than welcome but itās not required.
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Have your husband talk to her
I do everything for my MIL when she comes to my house. I love doing it and I want her to feel as welcome as possible and we dont get to see her often. You either love doing it or you donāt 
Sheās a guest,. I was raised if Iām invited I shouldnāt be expected to help with anything and vice versa. I donāt expect guests to do a thing. Of course I always offer out of manners but Iām not there to clean your kitchen ā¦ itās your party ā¦ but different places have different understandings
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I didnāt grow up with extended family coming over. No grandmas or grandpas aliveā¦ so when I got married I was mad that my mil and fil didnāt help. In my mind they were family not really guests. But I realized that I shouldnāt have been so mad. My FIL past away a few years after I got married and I saw how much it hurt my husband. I would give anything to have him over again for dinner. Now at my moms house everyone pulls their own weight. We arenāt guests we are just family. So I have it both ways. I do think itās rude if she has that type of attitude that u have no other purpose but to serve her. Just try to pick your battles and serve if nothing else for your husband. He will look back after they are gone and remember that you served his parents selflessly.
Iām a Mother in law and I would never let my daughter-in-law do everything on her own without offering to help! She is married to my child and the mother of my grandchildren and I respect her for doing the endless work she does for them each and everyday. Guest or not I was not raised to be waited on hand and foot. Sorry but these are my thoughts or two cents
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Sheās a guest. I would never expect any of my guests to help me clean up or cook/serve. When I visit my daughter and her family, she doesnāt expect me to assist, I was invited and I play w/my grandsons. If I feel like helping I do. My opinion.
Shoot I would go above and beyond for MIL. She not only raised the Man I love but she is a guest, and I would do anything to make her feel relaxed and happy. small things like making dinner and cleaning up after shows her she not only has a great daughter in law that treats her well. But the same love and care is being shown to her son nd grand children as well.
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I donāt understand all the comments saying that sheās a guest so wait on her hand and foot. My mom raised me to always offer to help with dinner, and always offer to help clean up. She would kick my ass if she found out that I went to someoneās house and was your guysā definition of a guest. It may not be her responsibility, but itās rude af to not at least offer.
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I was raised if someone takes the time and effort to cook for you the least you can do is help clean up maybe you can bring up if you had help cleaning then you can be included in the famliy time too because you have already been excluded while you were cooking the wonderful mealā¦ Its just rude to not even offer
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I would give anything to have my mother in law over for just one more dinner. I would wait on her hand and foot as I always have while she was here. She adopted my husband and cared for him when she didnāt have to. We lost her to Covid-19 on June 1st. Please donāt take these times for granted.
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Iād make announcements at the table at dinner that everyone will help to clear the table. If she doesnāt help, leave her plate in her spot. The next meal, itāll still be in her spot. Say nothing, just make the annoyncement again. If she brings it up, remind her that you announced that everyone would help clear the table & that sheās a part of the family & can help out.
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Every family is different and maybe your family all pitched in but your husbandās didnāt. I wouldnāt expect my in laws or my parents to help but they usually do. They live very close though and can see us regularly. If sheās traveling a distance & spending time with your husband or kids, I would let it go & let them enjoy each other. If it bothers you AND your husband why donāt you invite her to teach you how to make one of your husbandās favorite meals? Clean up should still be on you though. I know some people who have the reverse situation where the MIL is cleaning, cooking, doing their laundry, etc. and they do not like that either.
My mother treated guests to our home like royalty, she would not let them lift a finger to help even if they offered, this is the way I was raisedā¦when I go to someoneās home I offer to help, but I would never overstep by pushing in, if my offer of help is accepted, fineā¦if it isnāt I sit back and wait til the person is readyā¦this is the way I was raised and itās what I doā¦I donāt push in and take over at my son and daughter-in-lawās home, I always offer to help but they are happy for me to spend time with the children 
When my mother in law comes over I donāt let her make her plate I make it for her so she can enjoy her grandkids . And I also clean her plate while she sets wth what do you want her to do clean your damn house ! You sound ignorant and I would hate to be your mother in law
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Sheās a guest? Iām sorry I donāt expect people to help me clean when I host.
She probably thinks she did her time with hosts and raising her son now sheās enjoying this. Would you rather have someone looking over youāre shoulder āwhat are you making you shouldnāt cook this you should eat healthier. Move aside let me wash dishes this is how you do it.ā
Many of us wish our in laws were still alive to cater too. You donāt want to look back and say āI should haveā. Your daughter is blessed to enjoy a relationship with her grandmother. Thatās precious and you allowed that to happen. Thank yourself and count your blessings before sheās gone.
Maybe be a guest at her house? Or meet at a public place. Or have your daughter spend time with her grandma at her house or anywhere else? For me, I always host whoever I welcome into our home. Itās common courtesy and that is how I was raised, I donāt expect them to help even if they offered. But it is your home, you could just limit her time coming over if she comes over more often than usual. Is she rude to you? There are so many different ways to go about this. Hope any of our suggestions helps.
In my opinion she should at least clear her plate when finished eating and bring plate and utensils to the sink. That is what I was always taught to do whether it be at home or at somebodies house. I donāt believe she should have to do dishes or prepare anything as she is a guest. Unless she offers to help of course
I think it depends on how often she is there. Is she an occasional visitor or someone that is there weekly? If occasionally, then yes, you should treat her as a guest. If itās a weekly or more occurance, then she can be helping out some while she is there.
I was raised to wait on people in my house, they are the guest and should never be in your kitchen because only you know how your dishes are wash, where things are, how to handle your kitchen stuff, etc. I really like it when my friends or family seats back, relax, listen to music, watch TV or do karaoke while I finish in the kitchen. If your MIL is nice and attentive with your kid , that is great. Let them bond and play. Promote good and healthy family relationship, in life we donāt always have to be the center of everything or do it our way all the time. Let other people be happy and enjoy your house.
Next time maybe just do pizza and salad and use disposable plates and voila you can seat in a flash and enjoy good chat with her. Your husband will appreciate that too if you are not mad at your MIL when she is at your house.
She sees herself as a guest/visitor. Which in essence she is. She is there for the grands. It is your home, you are responsible. Would you expect other guest to do the same? Your expectations may be unrealistic. If I host anyone in my home I am prepared for what that entails and if they help thanks but If not, thatās ok too.
I think the problem is how you view it; waiting on her. Change your prospective and you will feel differently.
If this is something that bothers you my advice is to speak to your partner about it. Let them know it bothers you that the least she could do is clear her plates from the table. Itās your partners place to discuss it from there. If they choose not too than have your partner clean up behind them.
Aside from cleaning up after herself, I would not expect my mil to do anything unless it was Thanksgiving or a big family gathering.
Is she supposed to clean up after others?
What do you do at her house? 
dont invite her round
You sound very selfish
Well thatās ok. I would do this for my MIL
Well if you donāt like it get a divorce sheās a guest in your house visiting her son and granddaughter and bitch of a daughter in law so I would just say shut up and deal with it
Kill her once and for all
I agree Joanna Villa
I wanted to be just family, not a āguestn or house guestā ( I had to lear to always respecting I was not the lady of the house). Maybe some motherās-in-laws want to be guest. I think this is where the talking, listening comes into building a relationship. You may not know what she is feeling. Blending families is not easy. Neverā¦NEVER put your husband in a position to need to pick sides. He loves you both. You and your mother-in-law work this out with love. You all love the children. The children love all of you. They know, and hear whatāsgoing on. They fell if there is tension. Yhey know.
Be bigger than this issue, because we all know the dishes are not your problem. You and your mother-in-law have a bigger problem youāve not brought to the table. Somebody is feeling less than, judged, criticized, not welcome, not accepted, resentedā¦you know what it isā¦get the issue out and discuss this with love.
Set an example for the children about how your family deals with problems.
Do you pout, talk behind eachother 's back, pretend to smile, but bitch when the other person is not aound, bring up issues from 10 yrs ago (archeological digging)? Do you sit down and calmly talk, hug, cry, laugh, resolve difference.
I promise the children are watching.
I hope you voiced your opinion to your husband and he told you that youāre a selfish bitchā¦ Why should his MOTHERā¦who is a GUEST in your house have to help you do ANYTHINGā¦I would never asked my parents nor In laws or guest to help do anythingā¦You was raised on a lever of ungrateful 
Tikishia is right. Give her a day off. She is helping by entertaining the grandkids
Lol I suppose I donāt see the problem itās YOUR house and at HER house Iām sure she does the cooking and cleaning too? It would be different if you were making her plate and shit like that, but whatās the big deal?
Jeanessa Simpson tell them about your mother
Stop bitching ā¦just do it .
Stop inviting them over lol
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Sheās a freaking guest!!! And youāre complaining about her spending time with your child?!? What a bitch!
Umā¦ She IS your guest soā¦
I bet you werenāt expecting the response your post is getting
My favorite solution? Donāt invite in laws over. No mess, no stress. But waiting on someone hand and foot? Oh hell no. I donāt give a shit how old you are.
Girl let them know!!!
I agree Jannie Sammons Milburn
I know my comment wonāt be seen, but I am still going to post it.
With the way she worded this, I am guessing there is more to it than just visits but probably actions as well, maybe a personality issue. A certain air of arrogance?
While I donāt expect help when I invite people over, the offer is nice of the other person, a way of saying thank you. And all of you just ASSUME she was invited or that all mother in laws are amazing.
I was taught as a child that respect is earned, but then told to respect my elders just cause they are old. They contradict each other. Just because you are old does not mean you are a good person.
All of these assumptions people are making, look a little deeper. Shit is not always so black and white.
Dont allow her over period
She is a guest. Make a deal with your husband that u will āwaitā on your family and he will wait in his. Look, to some extent a guest IS a guest. My MIL started pulling some shit like that too. When I sat in my ass and let her son clean up and told her he handles them, I handle mine, her tune changed. She would say things like, āOh, I hope I didnāt leave you a mess!ā Knowing she did. I would tell her, āOh, I have no ideaā¦Jim cleans up after you and yours. Not me silly!ā 
Count your blessings!
Just stop it. Plain and simple
Theresa Gregoire Daley mom read this post ā¦ what a asshole!! Iād luv to know who raised this woman !?!
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Tell your husband. Maybe he can help ? Whatās he say about this . I would tell her to fucking beat it
First of all thatās your husband mother ā¦ you should never expect her to help cook dinner and clean up at āyour home āsheās a guest and the grandmother to your kids ā¦ your a asshole of a woman if you ask me . You should be thankful your children have that time with her while others would give anything to have their mother-in-lawās still here with their children my mother-in-law never even got to meet my children we have an emptiness every day because of thatā¦ you truly need to be blessed and thankful . This entire post makes me so upset sick to my stomach.
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Seriouslyā¦youāre kidding
O no no you have to tell your husband she has help around A little bit
I made a rule with family that once you come over more than 3 times in a year, you are no longer a guest. Clean up your shit or donāt come over. My mother in law and mom also have this rule. Itās not to be rude but we see you as more than a guest. You donāt have to ask for food or drinks. You serve yourself.
I guess it would depend in how often she actually comes to visit. I mean if itās a daily or weekly thingā¦ not exactly considered a guest and yeah she can at leastoffer to helpā¦ if itās a monthly or occasional thing then yeah, let her visit and play with the kids. I mean thatās what grandparents have worked so hard to achieve the ability to do.
What happens when you go to her house?
Last but not least, let the husband talk to her if you really have an issueā¦ is his mom and you shouldnāt have to look like a ābitchā for bringing it up.
Lol my mother maybe, my MIL, nahš
Omg my in law EVERY time she comes to the house I avoid being in the same room with her sheāll walk around and criticize every little thing I do āarenāt you going to do this?ā āShouldnāt you do that?ā āDo you give him this or that?ā 
CANT stand her and nobody can say anything to her or she goes bat shit crazy and nobody can compromise or reason with her sheās ALWAYS right no matter how wrong or ignorant she sounds. Omg sheās literally satans wife if he had one.
Tell her to get off her lazy butt.
Yasmine Bint Mohamed
STOP DOING IT ALL FOR HERā¦ thatās how.
Wasnāt yelling at u lol. Needed to make my point 
Donāt get married 
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Sorry, I find it disrespectful! Especially if youāre not treated that way at her place. I wouldnāt, nor could I just sit back and watch anyone whoās hosting me do everything for me. Iād feel like a lazy piece of shit!
Carra Lynn will this be you?? 
Id tell her unless her arms are broken pick up your own shit
Erin Crews it could be worst 
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Invite her over less
Alicia, someone else has the same situation you do
I mean if in hosting something i dont expect clean up. But if you sit there and wait for me to get your plate or get u a drink or something like that and act helpless and want waited hand and foot that way. Then its an issue. Like you can make your own plate u can walk and get a drink. My mother n law is like that to makes my husband baby her and do everything for her like her legs broke or some shit. But i dont expect them to help make the food or clean up ect that i will do.
What the hell did you want her to do if you invited her over for dinner? So you want her to come to YOUR house cook and clean up after YOU? Some women find that disrespectful when a mother in law steps into their house and does the cooking and cleaning. Let her watch you take care of her son and let her enjoy her grandbabies and shit let her relax. But my kids were raised to offer to help at others house when invited
Shit set down and point say the fridge is over there toilet is that way make yourself at home.
Karen, leave that sweet loving lady aloneā¦
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If itās your wife mom itās on her to take care of her just like if it was yours it falls on u just saying at the end of day tell em how you feel if u wife canāt accept it how u want it then tell her itās her responsibility simple never sugar coat shit for ppl even if they offended why should u feel uncomfortable in your own home food for though just saying
These comments are ridiculous
Donāt invite her. My MIL is the exact opposite so itās easy for me to say that though.
It doesnāt sound she is necessarily doing anything wrong. She might feel like she is stepping on your turf and doesnāt want to offend anyone. I would just try to involve her. Ask her to help you with something. If she still refuses to help then you can decide how to handle it but I wouldnāt jump to conclusions just yet.
Hey sheās your MIL. Thereās no problem in you treating her nice. Itās just her enjoying a meal and playing with her grand baby. You ever think that maybe itās the only night she can relax and be off her feet. You will be someone MIL eventually. Think about that.
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Ignore Ignore Ignore her
Boy this young generation needs to learn some manners and respect. She was invited she is the grandma she isnāt there to cook or clean she is there to see and spend time with her grandchildren. How old are you. Grow up already.
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A guest in your home waits to be told dinner is ready?! GASP! How dare they not walk in and prepare the food, do the dishes, and clean your kitchen for you! So rude! sarcasm. Your help comes in the form of a spouse. You knowā¦ the thing that connects you to that evil good for nothing mother in law?
Sorry darlin, you came to the wrong crowd with this question! Sheās done her work as a mother and earned the right to sit back and enjoy her grandkids. Most people are complaining that their MIL steps in and tries to take over when she comes over. Sounds like your MIL is respecting your place in the home. If you would like some help, how about just asking her if she could lend a hand with the cleanup. Sounds like youāre just sitting there stewing about it. Sorry, but youāre gonna have to put your big girl panties on and deal. Try and appreciate that she knows who is boss in your house.
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If she loves her son she ought to love his wife as if she was her daughter.
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Next time use disposable dinnerware cookware, and put a trashcan out near to everyone. When you invite someone to dinner they do not expect that they are supposed to clean.
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Seriously 
Iām not even with my kids dad but his mom comes over to visit and have dinner night and movies with the kids. I cook dinner and clean up ALL while sheās relaxing spending time with her grandchildren. Some women are just plain out bitter and mean to their mother in-laws. Even the ones who are good ones smh.
Hosting is looking after your guests.
When I am at my sons I am not expected to clean up after myself. I am not expected to cook. I get to play with my gbabies.
When they are invited here I do the clean up as much as possible.
Treat people like you want to be treated.
RESPECT!
Be nice.
What goes around, comes around.
That is how it should be. She is a guest. This is how you teach your children how to host and treat guests. On top of that she is an honored guest because she is a grandmother and her time to be with your children is precious. You apparently were not raised in a home with social graces taught.
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Wow, do you ask all you guests to do the work for you?
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I agree with Buffie Bryant. Show some love and respect. Let her be!!!
Let her enjoy her time with her family. Iām sure when her son was little he just sat there and watched her cook and do the dishes and so forth.
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I always say if youāve been mine more than twice then youāre able help yourself of course friends & family lol
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Oh hell no! I wait on no one. However if I invite you to my house for dinner I donāt expect you cook and clean. My parents are always at my house and have never and just sat there. One or both of them help set the table, cook, clean up or play with the kids whatever. I think her issue here is that she feels like itās expected and that isnāt right! I had in laws like that and we simply stoped having them over. I have no problem doing but once something is expected and taken advantage of thatās a whole different story.
Da hell is this shit
What the crap do YOU do when going to someone elseās house??
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She is a guest in your home. U have alot of soul searching to do. I hope I can be treated with that same respect after raising and sacrificing for my sons. And hope they dont have a self absorbed wife!
Omg i was so happy to wait on my Mother-in-law, in fact i insisted, she had earned it 
waiting on everyone else most of her life now it was her turn to be waited on ! I am a mother-in-law myself now and i feel i deserve that respect too ! Me being me though, i find it hard to let people wait on me and i do offer my help , to be told often āno sit and relax mom ā ! But i will deal with the kids , i remember how great it was when my Mother in law played with the kids so i could cook or clean up in peace lol
Iāve always said that!