How old is she. If she’s 70 or older I’d say bbn hang in there. If she’s 50 then come right out and say your turn to help. It’s a long 30 years or so. Good luck!
Well how old is this lady. I am 70 years old. We I go to my daughters house, I ask if I can help always no. We have waited on our kids, grand kids, and great grand kids. So give her slack. She maybe tired, or have something on her mind.
She’s your in law says it kiddo She probably doesn’t feel at home in your house and free to jump in as she would at a daughters; plus she’s your guest why do you expect her to work when visiting, that’s mighty small of you?!
Respect for our elders has been lost. I don’t even expect my kids or anyone else to help when I’m hosting, but if we go somewhere I offer cuz that’s just me. I rather they tell me no thank you than me not offer. I’ve always helped at my elders homes out of respect
Maybe she is waiting to be asked if she would like to set the table ,sometimes.Some people don’t like help at all.
Just throwing this out there, but I’d kinda like someone to just come entertain the kids so I can cook a decent meal and wash my dishes without having to pick up the baby, hold thirteen conversations with my preteen, or just hear Mom 300 times… 
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She raised her family now it’s time for her to relax and enjoy her granddaughter. You should be grateful you husband still has his mother to come visit. Sounds like you don’t like her much. I hope some day your son in law treats you better than you treat your mother in law.
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She may not want to be judged as pushy or getting in your way. Maybe she feels that she shouldn’t be in your kitchen. If she offers her help accept it gratefully but if she does not treat her as an invited guest.
I see nothing wrong with that. She probably is respecting your space by not walking and going around your house. Again maybe she does not feel free enough to do that. Besides, how often does she visit? If it were your own mum would you harbor the same feelings? There’s bigger issues in this world and this ain’t one of them.
I never had a MIL so don’t know how it is “supposed” to go, but in our family everyone helps no matter whose how they are at.
She should clean her own plate. That is rude. It takes very little effort to pick your plate up scrap it and rinse it off.
I agree with everyone saying suck it up buttercup. She is one extra stop acting like serving her as you would your children and husband or just your children is such an inconvenience. Enjoy what time your family has together. She doesnt live there so she is a guest! My father in law visits at least once a week and my spouse and I are overjoyed the kids get so much time with Grandpa
I have the same issues. Our kids come for dinner every weekend. Once dinner (even holiday dinners) are over, the clean up is left for me and my husband. This has been a major issue for some time. He says they are company and do not have to help. I say that we did clean up at my parents after dinners and so should they. Sorry for my rant.
Uhmmm… I think maybe you are over reacting a bit. She is just acting as a guest in my opinion. Extra help is always welcome, but a host should never expect that.
When you have any guests over you are the host and they should take it easy and play with their grandchildren. Sounds like she’s being petty.
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Would you feel this way if it were your mother?
Neither my mother or mother in law are allowed to do chores in my house even though we try as hard as we can to help them out at theirs. My MIL lives far away so the only thing i want her to do when she’s around is spend time with her grandkids who love her dearly.
We don’t see my in laws much anymore, but…when we did, if they are here, she always offered to help with clean up. I always did at her house as well.
I offer help with set up and clean up wherever we are invited.
I treat my mother like a queen when she is at my house visiting and I do the same with my MIL. They guests. They have raised their families and when he invite you to our house we treat you like you are a guest and wait on you hand and foot. She won’t be around forever but your children will have great memories of when their grandparents came over and played with them. IMHO you my dear, are very selfish to expect a visitor or guest help with anything we you invite them into your home.
As far as I am concerned she raised your husband. Did you ever stop to think that it is her turn to sit down and relax instead.
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She’s from another generation. I’m sure she was taught that guests don’t help cook and clean up their own meal. If she’s there to visit her grandchildren, she should be playing with them, not doing chores.
I believe if she there every other day. Well Hell yea ! She needs to at least offer to help and put her dirty plate in the sink. If not respect your elders…
Perhaps she doesn’t want to “touch” your stuff, “disrupt” your household, ect. Talk to her like a guest & bet she’ll respond!
That’s exactly what I expect my guests to do? Maybe if it’s a holiday and we’re feeding 30+ people then it’s nice when a couple people offer to help with a few things but in general I don’t expect my guests to help. However, on the other side, I never go to someone’s home and don’t offer to help.
That’s not waiting on someone hand and foot. That’s having someone over for dinner… I help my elders if I’m at their house for dinner. But I do not expect their help if they are at my home. It sounds like you just don’t like her 
I agree with Angela, be happy she playing with your daughter and not complaining about your house or parenting style, etc… If she offers to help great otherwise let her be a guest as she should be.
I wait on anyone, I mean anyone, non-stop when they are in my home. My mom, dad, sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, and yes every single in-law too! They are guests in your home. And you know what, when I am at their home, I try to wait on them hand and foot too! It’s just has to be in my genes, I guess. I love to show love by caring for the ones I love in little ways like that.
You should feel blessed that she has a relationship with your kids. Our family all live far away so we don’t get the luxury of having parents over for dinner often. Let her play with your kids while you clean up.
She is family, but she is a guest you have invited for dinner. Let her have this opportunity to relax and visit with her Grandchildren. She shouldn’t have to be expected to help. It sounds as if your building up resentment. Just relax,enjoy her and be happy that your family has a get together. I love my daughter n law like a daughter ,we are very close. Maybe work on your relationship with her more.
I don’t expect my Mother’s in law help at all. She is the guest in our house. We love her very much! She can sit or do whatever if she happy that’s all we want.
Our parents took care of us our whole lives. It’s our turn. Let them come, relax and enjoy! A visit is exactly that, a visit. They spent years hosting, cooking and cleaning.
My MIL doesn’t even know how many kids we have at this point. I’d be thrilled to have her over and have her play with her grandchildren.
My MIL passed away before I was able to meet her. But glad I’m not the only one thinking that my MIL is a queen and I’ll treat her like one everytime I see her or she’s in my home, loving my kids and being a great grandparent. You literally said HOST.
My mother and father-in-law would come stay for a month. I’m an excellent cook and even a better Baker and they would attempt to throw me out of my own kitchen. I took all the leftovers and went to my neighbor’s house and had a pool party. Live your life give her a paper plate haha. Best of luck 
I was raised that guests, including family, don’t help with cleaning or the meal. I love when my mom plays with the kids so I can clean up more quickly!
She’s grandma. She did all the work long enough. It’s your turn! Guests aren’t expected to help with those things anyways. Some do, and that’s awesome.
If she is a guest in ur house then dont expect for her to help. Thats part of hosting, when my inlaws or my mom comes over they get treated like kings and queens. It will be different if they live with u also think that she rather spend that time with her granddaughter.
I myself would not just sit there, but she was invited as a guest to dinner. Normally guests don’t cook and clean. You sound like a spoiled entitled brat.
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I don’t expect my mil to help as long as she is playing and interacting with the lil ones…they have been doing the same thing when we were Lil it’s there turn to rest…and which guest that come to my house are treated the same way they don’t lift a finger I know that isn’t the help you want sorry 
We all help out regardless of who’s house we’re in. It’s called manners. Just ask her “could you set the table please?” or " can you bring this to the table?" Or ask your husband to say something. She may get the hint and help out when she next visits.
I never have my guests helping if they have been invited over I don’t expect them doing things for me
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Don’t invite her then. Personally when I invite people over I am prepared to wait on them - even when I had 5 small kids and we had visitors. If they offer to help that’s fine, the mess was always there when they went home and the kids were in bed.
If your other half has a problem have a girls night out and let him deal with her!!
In my eyes it would be different if she lived there. Then yeah I’d be upset to. But as a guest and husband’s mother, I wouldn’t want her to lift a finger. I’m young(ish) but old school when it comes to certain things. I also have that caretaker personality and like pleasing people so it’s no problem for me, I know not everyone is like that. You are not wrong for feeling how you feel, but I dont think it’s too big of on an issue in my opinion.
The way i see it… she is family so she can make herself at home and take care of herself. If there are boundaries, make it clear. Let your husband deal with her shenanigans.
I never expected my parents or in laws to do anything. If they invited my family to their house for dinner my husband and I always did the dishes and made sure the kitchen was clean. We also never went empty handed always at least brought dessert.
At my parents house we do all the clean up but she does the cooking, when at my house she always asked if we need help and helps clean up too. That’s how we were taught and I dont ask for help she asks me. If it were me it might bother me a bit but if she is keeping the kids out of the way it’s kinda a win-win
Actually you lucky…
Let her relax if she is really nice and she is giving time to your daughter…
She too have struggle in her past …and cooked raised kids …
Her part is complete … Might in her past she too didn’t had any support
May be…
So personally u Lucky…
We have mil… Who is so clever…
Onces i cooked kadhi .i had already tasted …in my absence.she came in kitchen she put extra salt (hiding) and left… And afterwords she was like in Front of my hubby …omg so much salt…(
She hardly plays with the kids …
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I’m going to be a bit different here. When we have people over for supper, I don’t expect them to help, but I won’t say no if they offer unless I actually don’t need it. I always just DO when I go to someone else’s. When my family stays, it’s a different story. They usually stay for a week or so at a time, and yes, I do ask they pick up after themselves. I already pick up after 3 kids and a husband. If you expect me to sit and visit and spend time with you, then you can help pick up after we eat so that I can have time to do that.
If you invited her over as a guest, then she should not be expected to do anything unless she offers to help. If you need the assistance, ask respectfully; otherwise, let her use this time to play with her grands or visit with her child.
I never expect any guest to lift a finger in my house! If they offer that’s fine and I’ll let them help. . .but never will I force them or ask them to help!
I was taught to both clean up after myself when a guest in others homes and to be hospitable to all guests in my home. I love having a guest that is like I try to be, but very few actually are. Grandparents won’t be around forever, and she doesn’t live there, so i would just let the kids enjoy her.
I’m sorry your inconvenienced. But your mother in law comes once in awhile and you think what that’s she’s supposed to cook and clean your house!? Your husband and you should treat her like a guest that’s what she is a guest. She cooked and cleaned and did his laundry his whole childhood. Is it really that difficult to do for her for a few days or so? I wish my mother In law was still alive and could come visit. Count your blessings and stop acting like a 15 yr old.
I feel like this is one of those questions that is gonna get you answers you don’t want lol but I understand your point in not wanting to be expected to be someone’s personal maid . In my house it’s the other way around , I can’t beg my mother in law to stop helping and just sit and relax but I feel like It would take plain ignorance to sit and watch people doing all for then without being respectful enough to ask to help with SOMETHING even if you don’t accept the help
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If she’s a guest, treat her as a guest. If she lived with you that would be different, but whenever my MIL comes to dinner, she doesn’t have to do anything but sit back and enjoy her grandkids.
I think it’s just a difference of opinion. In my family the host/hosts always does everything. If we have guests they are not expected to pitch in to help with anything. Although if they are frequent guests or if it’s a big event guests are usually expected to bring a dish to share and/or put their dishes in the sink. I wouldn’t feel comfortable in someone elses kitchen unless they made it clear that they wanted/expected help with preparing or cleaning up.
I guess u guys aren’t from an Italian family. No maTree when, where it what your doing, if your lucky enough to be invited, YOU HELP COOK, SERVE AND CLEAN UP. sorry, it’s the way I was raised
Having your MIL over for dinner is not “hosting” a party. She SHOULD be able to sit back and enjoy the company of her grand child. I’ll fix MIL all her plates, & give her a NICE big glass of ice water to SIT BACK and watch me work. I know how to cook and serve my FAMILY. It should be done from the heart not for accolades. If it’s something you don’t enjoy, or have an issue with… Maybe the underlying problem is BIGGER than dinner?
Because she is a guest in your home and wants to be with her granddaughter. I get what you mean though. But although she is family she is still company. Does she at least offer to help clear the table? I used to always tell my MIL to go relax and play with my dghtr when my MIL was still alive. I spent so many holidays and dinners at her home where my MIL did everything before we even got there. So it was her turn to relax at my house.
I never expect my mother in-law to pitch in if she’s over for a visit. She deserves to enjoy time with her grandchild. She worked hard her whole life & did the same for her mother in-law. Be nice & treat her well.
Well I personally would look at the fact that she is giving your child attention. She is a guest in your home. In my home guests never are expected to help. I’d be happy for your child, after all the child grows so fast and I would want my child to remember how my grandma doted on me, not I sat by myself when grandma was here and she was so busy helping, she didnt have time for me.
She is a guest and should be treated as such. What the hell who raised you.
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I never expected my Mother in-law to help though she always did but she was a guest and her Grandchildren get to spend quality time with there grandmother. If you would rather not host then why invite her in the first place ? You on the other hand if invited to her home should clean up afterwards.It’s called respect.You are lucky to have a Mother in-law mine is gone and I Miss her everyday.
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I have my MIL over every Sunday. I don’t expect her to help out, (she’s elderly and about blind) she asks if I need help, but I won’t allow her to help because she is a guest. When my Husband and I got married we lived with her and my FIL for two months while our house was being finished. She cooked our meals, had them sitting on the table for us when we got home from work and wouldn’t let me do the dishes, “because I worked all day” I love my MIL very much. The least I can do is make her a meal or two and let her sit and enjoy it. Do it for my own Mother too.
I remember growing up going to my grandparents house for dinner and everyone who was there helped clean up.
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Sometimes inlaws don’t want to seem overbearing and make you feel like you’re not doing enough. Maybe you should say something like, " I really like having you all here but its getting to be too much" maybe she will catch the hint and offer to help.
Guests are guest and shouldn’t have to help… she seems like she keeps your daughter entertained which is good. I was also raised that when I’m a guest somewhere I ask if they need any help. Next time you go to her house don’t do as she has done to you maybe do what you would like for her to do for you. Show her maybe she doesn’t know. Everyone is raised differently.
I’m so confused with this post. Since when do guest cook and clean 
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Umm she’s a guest.in your home. She can offer to help clean up but it’s your home. She is there to see her grandkids. If she wanted to prep food etc.,. She would’ve had u at her house. Sorry but when I’m invited to someone’s house, I don’t prep food…I’ll help clear the table but that’s it
I do not expect my guests to help, if they offer great (although I usually politely decline). My guests/my house then I am prepared to do it.
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I do this with joy for my MIL. She offers BUT I prefer to give her a break as she’s well aged, and a guest in OUR home as i would do with any “guest”
She should have more respect than that she’s DAMN sure is old enough to know better. Bet she’d have a FIT if you tried that in her house.
I’m the exact opposite, my MIL tires to do more around my house, but I would rather do it myself. She’s a guest in the house and having her play with the kids is a much bigger help anyways 
I mean I’d clean up my own plate and offer to help but if when you go there and she waits on you I don’t understand what the problem is with you doing it for her in return at your home? It’s a plate a fork and a cup maybe a knife soooo? I’m not understanding
I wouldn’t have my in-laws help with anything unless they offered to.
She is your guest when I go to my daughters and son in laws
My son in law will ask if I want coffee and will
Also bring me a meal
And he does this for everyone
When I gave others over I clean up after them no big deal
They were my guests
I would never ask that, they deserve to be “sploiled” and spend some time with their grandchild. Should be ashamed the person who wrote that. Realy!
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I teach my kids to offer help when they go over but I don’t expect my guest too. They just offer sometimes. If ya a holiday sure pitch In a bit but she’s already playing with your kiddo lol that’s helpful enough
Doesn’t sound like much of a problem. Insist(privately) that your husband wait on her hand and foot. She won’t like it and probably get the message.
I never expected my mil to do anything when she comes over. My mother helps me out alot when shes here but she chooses to stay at our house when we work so she doesnt gave to get up and drive over super early in the morning. I work 12s so she usually makes dinner and often cleans up but my dad does the cooking at their house usually so she says she doesn’t mind. However if shes over on my days off shes never expected to do anything but play with the grandbabies
I invite my in laws over about once a week for dinner… She plays with the babies and eats and converses with us. She doesn’t do anything else. I dont invite her to clean my house. I invite her to SPEND TIME WITH HER…
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Is this an everyday thing? Does she invite herself over? If that’s the case ask her to help. If you invite her, you should clean up, make sure she has drinks and so on. Be a good host. If she is over all of the time tell her to help herself to anything she may want or need.
When my mil lived, I didn’t expect her to help at all. Now that it is just my fil, I don’t expect it either. Same goes for my own parents (even though it’s just my mom now). I don’t expect her to help, even though she’ll still do it cause that’s just who she is. She’ll just ignore me when I tell her to go sit down. Either way, it’s no big deal cause I still get to enjoy her company.
I would never nor have I ever asked my mother in law or mother to help with dishes, food prep, etc…As far as playing with your daughter that is what she should be doing while you’re cleaning, prepping, etc… This is a crazy statement!!!
Heck i would love to be invited as a MIL over to my okdest sons unfortunately that had happened twice. And he lives next door to us. My DIL does not care for any of his family so sad
I personally won’t let anyone that I invite over help with dishes, I do however let my guests make their own plates but if for some reason they wanted me to make it I wouldn’t have a problem with doing it, unless the same person is coming over daily to eat dinner and it’s not a cookout, birthday party, holiday or special occasion then I might say “hey you gotta pull your weight around here” I wish I got along with my MIL for her to actually come over and eat mine is an evil, manipulating, lying crotch monster
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When she’s over just ask her politely, mil, can you please help me in the kitchen? Then sees how she reacts. But try not to be upset , if you haven’t expressed your frustration yet.
Wow!!! You’re a little harsh. I adore my mother-in-law and NEVER want her to help prepare or clean up after dinner!! She cooked and cleaned her whole life…it’s her time now to relax and enjoy her grandchildren!!
Honestly, I would be thankful that she has her own place. Believe me, I completely understand. I have the same exact situation. It’s annoying. I grew up knowing that you help out even if your a guest. I have come across many people though who expect to be hosted. Since she is a guest entertain her and just let her be. Also you cant change the fact that she is your husband’s Mom. Just respect her and don’t let it stress you. It’s not worth it.
I would actually like enjoy waiting on my MIL and her just sit and play with her grandkids. Unless she lived with me, I would expect a little help…not much though.
I think herself husband (MIL son) and MIL should sit and have the conversation if she can help out by clearing her plate. I don’t think she is supposed to wash the dishes when y’all invite them over l. When my parents come over I always tell them to sit on the living room while I prepare diner but my mother always ask if he can help which I love but I want to pamper spoil them and when I visit my MIL which she lives in another state she always tells me to relax which I don’t like cause I want to help.
I mean the least she could do is take care of her own dish. At least put it in the sink. I’d find that a bit rude just because I take care of my things at others houses.
I never wanted anyone to help me. I knew where I wanted my things put, so I choose to do it myself. I would love to be able to make dinner for my family again. You see all three of my Sons has passed away and I have no children to cook for.cherish what you have.
She should have respect for you in your own home. If she doesnt wait on you hand and foot at her house, why should you wait on her. Maybe hubby could speak to her and tell her she may not realize she is disrespecting you. Good luck God Bless You
You can always ignore her. Ask if she would like mind helping. When I go to my sons’s home I know my daughter in law would rather me not help. I felt so pleased when she asks me to bring something.I know I can’t do a lot since I’ve had my stroke. I love my family
My MIL (now ex) is the same way and I never thought of it as an inconvenience. Whenever I have people over it is my intention to allow them to relax and cater to them. I guess the question is this: does she wait on you or attempt to take care of all of the things when the tables are turned and she is hosting you at her place?
Ummmm what? That’s what ALL guests do when they come over for dinner…that’s not getting “waited on hand and foot”…that’s enjoying an evening with family and grandchildren…I wouldn’t expect any guest in my home to help me do anything…especially my in laws or parents! You have a selfish attitude …remember even Jesus washed others feet
When I have people over (guests) I certainly do the bulk of the work and if they offer to help, that’s great. If not, I’m ok with that too…
But I understand what she is trying to say, Gets a little annoying when ppl see you running around like a chicken with your head cut off, and they are impatiently waiting to be served. Comes with the territory I guess.
When my in-laws Or parents come to my house. I do not expect them to help with anything…js.
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I assume since she is mil that she is elderly. In our family, we don’t make the guests help out unless they’re kids. Specially if they are elderly. Dishes can wait. If they can’t wait. Make the kids do them. Teach your children how to show respect to their elders.
Sometimes it depends on the culture. In my family we help even if we’re guests. You should probably talk with your partner and see if this is the norm in his family.
I wouldn’t dream of asking mines to do anything she’s a guest and I love seeing her just sitting on her butt getting pampered for a bit x