Maybe she is setting it up for you to take over family gatherings. I’d take pride in that. And her playing with the kids is a blessing. And will always be remembered by them. Let her enjoy kicking back. How many years was it that she was waiting on everyone hand and foot?
I wouldn’t invite her over lol
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Does she have any health problems that you are aware of? Just asking because sometimes no one is aware of how hard it is for someone and the family doesnt bot her to let others know whats up.?? Me, personally, dont mind if someone just sits back and plays with the kids while things get picked up & cleaned up because things get done much more quickly and o can do it all faster by myself. My advice is just this…if you really NEED her to help you, then SPEAK Up & ask her. If not, just be nice and try to spend more time getting to know your mil! stop resenting her not jumping up to help unless you have made her aware that it bugs you & good luck all of you.
That’s what you do for guests grow up
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Where I go I usually help do dishes…at holidays when we went to my mil I did the dishes for her she did the cooking and set the table
So you’re upset that a guest is acting like a guest?
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Why invite her to dinner then moan and whine about it fml ye have little worries😏
First time you are at my house you are a guest. After that you know where everything is. Help yourself to drinks and snacks and you better clean up after yourself too.
I can’t see the issue, you invited her over, she interacts with your daughter. She’s a guest 
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You sound awful actually you invite your mother in law round for dinner. You’re inviting her to relax and be treated. She gets to spend time playing with her grandchild and has a meal cooked for her. That’s lovely of you. But if want her to be helping with cooking or cleaning afterwards you need to tell her. I invite my mum for tea as a treat for her. I wouldn’t let her clean up afterwards. I love seeing her spend time playing with my children 
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Funny 
but in my culture is disrespectful for her to wash plate for you. You are to save her and clean after her. If not you will be tag a bad wife… but some of them are so nice that they cook and take care of you. Like your mother would.
I think it’s old school of her, it’s not a bad thing that’s how people used to treat guests! I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. It should still be that way!
Just my view, when gests come to mine for dinner l don’t expect them to do anything, therefore when l go to dinner at other’s l don’t expect to do anything. I do take flowers, drink to show my appreciation for the evening.
Your husband should talk with her about this. But, she’s playing with your daughter and that’s worth any amount of dishes, too me. I don’t know how old your daughter is, but is she an age where she can help clear the table and such? Maybe Grandma would join in then. Or learn from example at least.
It wouldn’t bother me she’s your guest this is prob the only time she does get to relax cause soon she gets homes she has to do everything again, u don’t get invited around some1 House and be expected to make the dinner and do the dishes if offer fair enougth but I’m sure ud be pissed of were a guest and asked to do the dinner and dishes,
My MIL also does this and she knows it irritates me, we have a laugh about it but i’m not really kaughing. She also like leaves as soon as dinners done 
When my own parents come to dinner, let alone anyone else, I’d expect to be looking after them. Quite frankly I’m pleased if they just want to play with the kid.
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That sounds like normal guest behavior. Why would she do the clean up at a home she does not live in ? She is there as a guest and she is your elder. Playing with your daughter while you clean up is helping too, imo.
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When my mil comes over I run round for her she is my guest and woe not expect her to do anything just like when we go to here she won’t let me do anything not even the dishes let her have time with the grandkids at least she is
U must not like yur mother inlaw to good then wow she is yur guest
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Whoever this is needs to just grow up. She’s a guest. How hard is it to do a few dishes while she spends time with her grandchild? Probably one of the most stupid posts I’ve seen on here yet.
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Then don’t ask her over then
Do you set and clean table and dishes when. At her house? I don’t get a big deal. She’s the guest. You’re being super dramatic over nothing.
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Bet u don’t have to do anything at her house
If she’s a guest in your home it’s your place to do all of that that’s not waiting on hand and foot
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Obviously from the comments here…each family has their own culture. I personally think its impolite if it happens all the time. My Mother in law is wonderful and I hope I am wonderful to her when I come to her house. We share the load and help each other.
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When I was younger my mum would do all of that for me. So your damn right if she comes over I’m doing all of that for her.
She raised your husband. So my bet is she did all of this and more for him. It’s only fair that you give her the same respect and love she did now that you and he have your own home. Shes a guest. It isnt her job.
Am I missing something? What is it you expect her to do at your house? My mom comes over I cook for her and clear her dishes while she enjoys her grand babies
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Let her enjoy her grandbaby! She’s done all the hosting and cooking and cleaning already in her life. You’re seriously fussing about cooking supper and cleaning after- something youd be doing anyway- for one more place setting? I’m not sure where you came from but that’s not a polite way to operate around your elders.
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She’s your guest. If you want her to bring her plate to the sink tell her, you’re grown enough to have kids , you’re grown up enough to use your words .
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Grumpy much, your daughter will have wonderful memories if you let go of the hate in your heart
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What ju want her to do! She comes to visit her grandchild… 
its an extra plate i find this post very strange tbh
You know what I do when I need help? Ask. “Hey can you bring me your plate? Thank you.” It really is that simple.
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Are there other examples or issues you aren’t posting? This seems pretty normal …
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I’m sure she has done enough cooking and cleaning. I’m sorry but our parents deserve a break and to just be grandparents. Let her relax it may be the only time she gets to. I don’t expect anyone I invite over to help with anything. If that was the case I’ma send out cleaning invitations instead of dinner invites . Sorry but you’re in the wrong here.
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Just tell her how you feel, it’s not that hard.
Tell her to clean her own plate, besides that dont invite people over if you want them to prepare food, help cook, and then clean up afterwards.
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What do you do when y’all visit grandmas house?
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She is the guest treat her as such x its her time to be waited on x
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To be honest mother in law is another mum she plays with kids while you tidy up .you make her feel welcome . You could always say mum could you help me she mite be waiting to be asked rather than take over its your house .Its your hubbys mum .treasure her she wont always be around xx
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Be happy your kids have a grandma !
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Is it just me or does this sound normal… if some one comes for dinner at mine this is expected x
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She’s a guest in your house and is visiting and spending time with her grandchild.
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Wow! What kind of kids are you raising? She’s minding your kid so you can tidy up… She’s not there to cook and clean for YOU! And you definitely should make her food and clear your table. That’s called etiquette. She has it. You do not.
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Thats what shes supposed to do she doesnt live there shes ur guest
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Let gma relax! Enjoy the moment live for the day. Tell hubby to help you if your overwhelmed.
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I would never ask my mom to come over as a guest and then make her clean and cook. She always asks if there’s anything I need help with and I say no. Even though she will do stuff anyway lol
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Guests don’t help. If they offer, that’s different. My mother-in-law comes for dinner quite often. I wouldn’t dream of making her help clean up. Also, when I go to her house, I help her clean up after family dinners. Respect your elders.
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Isn’t this the way normal people treat guests in their home??
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Ummmm I couldnt imagine having guests to my house no matter who it is and expecting them to do anything wtf
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Don’t invite her over then. Screw her hanging with your kid.
She’s a guest… she doesn’t HAVE TO do anything in your house if YOU invited her over. I think this has a lot more to do than just her not kissing your ass. Don’t try to validate why you don’t like your own MIL with something so stupid as her not wanting to clean your home when she’s coming over to visit and spend time with y’all and her granddaughter.
When my MIL comes to visit, she sits on her bum and does absolutely nothing. I make her something to drink, I cook for her and I don’t expect her to clean. And if she does offer to help I say no please go and sit down. She works hard enough at her own house and she has a job as well.
I could never expect her to wash her own plate and cook her own food at my house:flushed:
If you can’t treat her like you treat your own mom. Rather ask her to stay at home (unless your own mother has to do these things for herself as well).
This is really not okay.
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And then tomorrow you come on here and complain shes taking over your house as well🤷
Seriously
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You said she plays with your daughter, she can’t do both
I would prefer to handle my kitchen by myself. Her playing with your daughter is a huge help to you and a sweet bonding moment for them. Go easy on his momma❤️
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Man … the way it works in my family. Usually my sister in-law would cook the meal and me and my mother in law would clean up the dinner table and mess. I’d always bring a dessert as well. We clean as we cook with all my family, just so it’s easier for us after we’re done eating I don’t know, if someone is cooking a big ass meal for me, the least I feel I can do, is offer to help clean the damn mess. My ass ate that meal too and makes ME feel good to help out so my sister in law can have a few minutes to herself after cooking dinner, But different strokes for different folks I guess
yeah my sons better not bring home any daughter in laws like this… tf. Even when I go to my in-laws I help out even if she says no. While playing with my kids at the same time.
I don’t know what to tell you to do.
My mil doesn’t always do this. Sometimes she helps - and will actually clean if others are still eating or if we go out- and sometimes she’ll be the last one. And I get up her stuff.
I guess I could see if she was being disgusting or snide but otherwise I happily help her out.
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Guests don’t help with those things. At least that’s how I was raised. If they offered that was great. If they didn’t no biggie.
Maybe next time you go to her house do the same thing she does.
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At a young age I was
Taught clear your plate no matter where you are offer to help clean up !
I do however feel your being a little harsh because she is doing something playing with the child in the home!
When my mom comes I don’t ask her to help with the dishes I do at her house because she’s my mom!
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I’m sorry maybe I’m old school but that’s exactly what I expect my mother in law to do… she’s your guest. Our parents took care of us for years. Time to return the favor.
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When we have guests over we cook/clean everything. They’re the guests and we are the hosts. However I do expect grown adults to clear their own plates and at least place them in the sink. I’m not picking up after you like that. I will cook, clean up dinner and do dishes but I’m not clearing someone’s plate for them. However, the rest of it, I think is normal. She shouldn’t have to do anything when she’s there.
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Wow, I would never expect my MIL to help, prep or clean at my home, your a guest and deserve to be treated as such
And when we dine at her home we all pitch in, I’m gracious she would have us over! Poor taste! Sorry
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I hear what you are saying. In our family it doesn’t matter who’s hosting or who is staying with you an offer to help cook the meal is always given. Even if I choose to say nope I’m good the offer is extended. And if I don’t help with the meal we help with dishes.
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Is she just staying for a dinner ? If that’s the case your nuts.
If she’s staying more then one night then I can understand. Don’t want the stress of hosting have her stay at a hotel. That’s your right.
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If she come once in a while for dinner please let her be. Let her enjoy her time with you all and her grandchildren. What difference does it make if she takes it easy.
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I was raised that when someone is a guest at your house you do wait on them hand and foot. You don’t let guests do work at your house when you invited them. She may have the same way of thinking. As a sidenote: because of this I do not have people over for dinner unless it’s pizza!
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It sounds like you just don’t like your MIL, over all she’s a guest. Is it going to bother you if she just walks in and does whatever she pleases? That will bother you too, because it’s not her house.
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Agree with everyone. I never expected my in laws or parents to help with meals and such. They are honored guests
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Do you expect other guests in your house to do those things? To me, she is a guest and should be treated as such. Dishes can wait until they leave. They have come to spend time with your family, leave the clean up for later
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Grandmas are not tp be expected to help. Having your children with their grandparents is her gift and help to you. They have done their time cooking cleaning let this he her mini vacation and enjoy her granddaughter. My opinion
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Well when my daughter in laws come over to my home I don,t expect them to do any clean up ect. So if I,m invited to their homes I expect the same.
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I feel like there’s missing info here. Is there a reason you expect her to take things over in your house? Does she require you to clean up after yourself at her house? Is she over often? She could be just waiting for you to ask… Or is she being snarky about it?.. If she’s a guest… she’s a guest. If she’s there to help…she should help.
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It’s not a hotel but she’s a guest correct? Maybe i’m different but when my mother or mother in-law come for dinner it’s my pleasure to take care of them. 
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my mother n law comes from a different state every year for a few days, some times she even stays a week, she does try to help if im sick or asleep but even tho she is family. she deserves to be treated with respect and we always try to wait on ALL our guest including her. you are responsable for your own home clean up not her
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Do the same when u go to her house guest shouldn’t have to do much unless there staying for extended time
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I don’t see my mother-in-law much so when she comes over, she is to sit down and let me do everything. I don’t expect my mother in law to help. I don’t want her to. I want her to enjoy her stay. I would do the same even if she came over more often.
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Yea I’m with everyone else. I don’t have my guests clean unless they offer to help. It’s not their place to clean when were invited and staying with you.
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As a mother in law I would never act this way. The least i can do is clean off my plate and put it in the sink.
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I wouldn’t allow my mother in law to clean up! She is my guest and my elder! Respect is how I was taught!
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When you spend 18 years raising your kids, you will understand. She has earned it. No offense. Just a fact.
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I don’t expect my mother in law to do any cleaning, when she visits. Even though she’s my MIL, she’s still a guest in my home. I gladly serve her and clear her place. It’s different when she comes to babysit for a few hours. She hardly ever leaves a mess for me to clean. Even though I wouldn’t mind. When I visit her house, I STILL help her (set table, clear table, wash/dry dishes, clean up after my kids) because I feel it’s the right thing to do, out of respect. It’s just how I was brought up. To each their own. If you want her to clear her place, tell her. If you aren’t comfortable, tell your spouse to tell her, or just wash her plate while she visits with her grandkid… you may not be a “hotel” but technically you are still hosting her.
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Is she ill / handicapped?
It’s up to your husband to ask her
If she wants to be a princess
Don’t ask her over
I believe all family should pitch in.
Family is family
A guest is a guest
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I am a mother-in-law for many years. I’d say we have better than great relationships,but it took time. It’s not always easy.
One question.
Is she “afraid” of being criticized for how she does things in YOURkitchen/ house?
Something it feel best to stay quiet, stay in your seat, love the children, not rock the boat.
Have you asked her advice, invited her into your kitchen? Have you said to her, in a one on one loving talk, that you would like to have her be apart of the kitchen chattering. Ask her to cook a “special” dish your husband remembers as being a favorite.
You’ll be a mother-in-law law someday. How you treat your family members will model for your children how family is treated.
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Her generation was raised to wait on company. And you don’t, especially as the mother in law, invade another woman’s kitchen with out being asked. Have you actually asked her for help and she refuses or are you just bitching behind her back with out talking to her like she is human?
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She is a mother, and she has done plenty throughout her life to raise your husband?? Respect her as she’s a parent.1 Peter 5:5 ESV
Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
Leviticus 19:32 ESV
“You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord."
Exodus 20:12 ESV
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you."
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That’s not being waited on. That’s her being a guest and you being a hostess. Do you expect friends that come over to clean up after the meal?
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Hospitality goes a lot further than you think. She did her time with those duties now it’s her time to evaluate lol
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As I read these posts I can’t help but shake my head. Any guest that comes to my house is not EXPECTED to help but it is always appreciated. Someone mentioned “old school”. I’m sorry, my “old school” must be older than yours. Back in the day everyone, especially the women, automatically pitched in. It was the way things were done. The load wasn’t put on 1 person. And visiting and enjoying each other’s company was done while we prepared dinner and cleaned up. My 2 cents worth!
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When my family comes to visit it us in our home we dont expect them to clean up their own dishes , they are a guest in our home
Now when I go to my MILs house for big family dinner such as thanksgiving or Christmas, we all pitch in with the cooking and cleaning.
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My mother in law better not lift 1 thing except her fork. She’s our Queen. May she rest in peace.
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Shes the grandma. Playing with the kids…and enjoying her time she is your guest.
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WTH???
Doesn’t she deserve to enjoy life by now? To play, relax and enjoy her grandchildren while someone else cooks and cleans. Get over yourself! Appreciate the fact that you have a MIL who can be there and your child has a grandmother to love & spoil her. Good Grief!!!
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Im sorry it depends on how you were raised … I was raised to tend to family and treat them a guest
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Holy Moly! I wait on my man and dad every single day it comes natural and I would dam. Sure do the same for my mother in law
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When I go to my daughters house I’m not much help either. I want to enjoy my grandkids. When my daughters come to my house I don’t expect them to clean up either…sometimes the do but I tell them to sit and relax and I’ll clean up when they go home.
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That’s textbook guest etiquette! What are you complaining about if you don’t ask for help?
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I’m sorry but what am I missing here? She was a guest and you were hosting and yet you expect her to do what exactly? Your dishes?
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I was raised to clean up after myself when visiting. I don’t expect to be waited on hand and foot. You cook dinner im helping you set the table, get plates and drinks filled, then clear the table, and help with dishes. But then again folks are raised different.
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