I would be happier that she spent the time with her grandchild, and not helping.
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Why did you invite her over if you didnât plan on serving her? Me personally I would have got up and helped because thatâs how I was raised but obviously sheâs different.
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Well, she is your guest. Lol. Sheâs served enough meals, cooked enough food, washed enough dishes and deserves to be waited on. I donât expect my mom to do any of that when she comes to my house. Iâll cook my mom a filet mignon and serve her her plate of food. Hell, thatâs the least I can do for the woman that raised me. And if my MIL was still alive, Iâd do the same for her. Iâll do anything to make my moms visit easier.
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Iâm sorry the only thing Iâd want in return is for her to play long enough with her grandkids so I can take a nap and maybe even shower( Iâm pushing it lol)
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Unless she is there long term and is part of the household, she shouldnât be expected to. A mother in law should be treated with the respect that you would give your own mother, even more so because she has given you her best (hopefully) in your husband. Be grateful she comes and plays with your children. Many children do not have that opportunity.
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In our family everyone helps. When my Mother in law was Ali e she always pitched in. We were family therefore not considered a guest. We helped at her home too. It wasnât expected, we just helped. No matter if I would tell her just relax and enjoy, she always helped. She was a terrific Mother in law.
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Truly in my opinion, it depends on your relationship with your MIL. Mine was horrid. She was rude and condescending. Have you spoken to your husband about it? Perhaps he could help. But if hes like my ex, I highly doubt it. Some people dont believe in being helpful. Those people are takers. No one needs those around. Good luck!
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My mother in law was my queen! She passed
Three years ago and I would give anything to have had more time with her.
She raised one amazing man so she deserved to be waited on hand and foot like the queen that she was
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My mil does the same thing. It doesnât bother me since sheâs coming over for a meal and to see the kids. If I cared that much, I wouldnât invite her over 
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Oh no. My mother in law is the woman that birthed the love of my life. She doesnât lift a finger when sheâs in my home unless sheâs playing with the grandbabies or just insistent on wanting to do something. My fiancee and I do it all. Same for my mom and grandma. Usually if we have a family dinner at our house, I cook and serve everyone then my fiancee does the dishes. While Iâm cooking heâll take turns with the grandmas taking care of and entertaining the babies. They did their time raising kids and doing housework. They have their own homes to take care of. Not mine.
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I was raised âold schoolâ, but I donât agree with everyone else. I feel like what youâre trying to say is:
It wouldnât hurt for your mother in law to at least offer to help. Am I right? I think some of you all missed the âat all timesâ part of this post. There is NO way I would invite her back to my house if it were me. That is just rude of your mother in law. Itâs ok if you donât like her, you donât have to. Donât feel like you are obligated to like her bc of your husband or your children. Your house, your rules, your right. You are only human and if you feel like she has done you wrong, speak to her about it. Under absolutely any (no) circumstances should you feel put out in your own home. I DONâT CARE WHO IT IS!
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Wow, Iâm so happy my children donât think like you. I even offered to help and they tell me to sit back and relax. So I do get the time to spend with my grandchildren as much as possible.
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As not only a guest in your home but the mother of your spouse, she has a higher role and it is your duty to serve her during her stay. Cook clean and cater to her. Itâs out of respect. Even when visiting my mother in law, I help her prepare meals and help her clean and such. When we all go out places, I have her hold my hand as we walk. Did this from day one. Especially in asian culture. My husband is Korean and it is expected.
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I dont understand why youd have a guest over and expect them to do anything. Show some hospitality or dont have people over, family or not
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I try to cater to my MIL but she wonât let me. In my home and her home too. Not sure if I have and advice but I guess you could try not bring negative about it.
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Um 
Iâm confused why this wouldnât be the standard ?
My MiL is a queen. She raised my husband. She is my elder. I used to
Have to fight with her to let me do stuff for
Her. Now sheâs better with it. Even when Iâm at her house I do everything I can for her so she can relax and enjoy time with her son and grand kids.
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I agree the offer for her to help even though she is a guest should be there.
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Have you ever asked her to help? Like maybe she doesnt want to feel like she is the âoverbearing monster in lawâ. She could just also feel she is helping while playing with the kids keeping them out of the way while those things are being done, and enjoyng spending time with the family.
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I feel like family is family and a guest is a guest. If it was the bosses wife, absolutely not! Sit and chat and let me be a good hostess but if my MIL came to my house and didnât even offer to help clear the table Iâd be offended. Itâs just the way I was raised I guess. Luckily my future MIL is like me in a way that weâd both be fussin telling each other to sit and rest, while still cleaning up lol
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I was taught to offer to help cook or clean up. And always to clean off ur own plate and put it in the sink doesnât matter who u are or where ur at . But thatâs just me and Iâm old school.country etiquette. Lol
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Sounds like there may be more to the story here. My parents were never guests in my home, they were family that we treasured. They were respectful of my husband and treated him just like one of their own. His family treated me like an intruder and not worthy. Even in my own home they were rude. So I stopped trying to please and Iâm wondering if this woman is in the same place? Hope you can work it out. Iâve been married 44+ years, and if they lived near us I think we would have ended up divorced a long time ago.
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No one taught me this but itâs just what I did.
Get up and clear my own damn plate, ask where I should place my dirty dish and offer to help clean up because thatâs just who I am. If they declined help I wouldnât push it I would just sit and wait or do whatever else. If I did help they would say thank you and I would make it known that it was no bother.
I surely would do that for my kids if I am completely able to when I am over at their house. I hope that I can raise my kids with the same manner.
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Just for some perspective, I think it depends on if your mil comes for dinner or comes for a week. Mine comes for days, so to be the only one cooking and cleaning for every meal (husband helps if he happens to be off) is a lot and I work too just not the crazy hours he does. I donât even know if I would say yes to the help if she asked but it is annoying to not even get the offer, especially at thanksgiving when I prepare the entire meal by myself. 
Also, maybe if mine played or interacted with her grandson instead I would feel differently, but she watches me and tells me every single time how I cut too much potato off while I peel them. 
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She is your guest, elder and most important, sheâs your mother in law. Respect her and the situation. Who raised you??
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Shes your guest not your maid. You should do the cleaning up etc. Do you expect other house guests to set the table serve the food and clean?
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Just relax and enjoy serving your elders. She wonât be around forever. Besides it honors your husband for you to do for his mom. Serve her as you would the Lord and he will bless you for it.
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Believe me what you have is 100 times better then MIL acting like itâs her own house and goes through all your stuff.
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Maybe itâs a difference culturally. I think if you have guest over you cook and clean up. However, not everyone is taught that. I know this is pretty much Italian culture. Maybe talk about it with your husband see what his norm is with this aspect of entertaining guest.
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As long as itâs not every day. Respect your elders⌠She raised your husband. Be glad and thankful for family, not all have that . FamilyâŚ
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She is a guest. Kind of rude to expect a guest to clean and cook (in my opinion - please donât take offence - we are all different)
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Sometimes I help and sometimes I feel like Iâm in the way. I as a mother in law really donât know what to do. Not only that but we raised your husband let his ass help.
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At least sheâs playing with your kids, while you can take some time for you washing the dishes. Put the headphones on, listen to music, and wash the dishes while she plays with your daughter 
thats actually a help that someone else is entertaining your kids.
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Just my opinion- THANK GOD! Not being critical over how or what you are cooking, no criticism on cleaning or how things are cleaned⌠just enjoying the grandkids⌠take this for what it is- A BLESSING. this woman obviously is not trying to interfere with how the household is run. #luckyyou
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Totally agree with you that everyone pitches in. I was raised whoever cooks doesnât clean, unless itâs a bigger party, thatâs different. Family are not guests. I know the same would be expected visiting my parents. I have done dishes as a guest in houses where I have no relationship because thatâs called respect
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I feel that our MomâsâŚ
Mother & Mother in law
have done their time.
I never want either of them to lift a finger.
Itâs my pleasure to serve and clean up after them while their in my home.
And when we are in their home, all of the younger girls do the the clean up.
Without question.
Also,
If sheâs playing with the
ChildrenâŚ
How wonderful for them !! 
Enjoy your time with your Mother in law.
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My MIL is gone and I miss her. Iâd love to have her back to have her over again for dinner. I also loved that sheâd play with the kids,who adored their grandma, so I could actually get dinner on the table and then cleaned up. She was a welcome and honored guest in our home. Count your blessings.
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Iâm sorry but she is a guest in your home. She shouldnât be expected to lift a finger. If she offers? Great. Bonus. Not required.
I would never invite someone into my home and expect them to do ANYTHING other than grace me with their company.
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Thatâs pretty standard. Itâs called RESPECT. Wow. I would never let my MIL lift a finger at my home nor has she.
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Itâs called respect, but Iâm probably older and more old school ideas! My parents or grandparents or in laws (no matter what in laws) are guests in my home, even if they come over every day or night! I serve them and I pray my son is learning from my actionsâ:bangbang:
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Iâm glad Iâm not a guest in this womanâs home.
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Depends on how long she stays⌠If its a day, then yes. Even if she offers to help you should politely decline. If its a week or 2 then she should definitely offer some assistance
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Is it possible sheâs just trying not to overstep? My mil will sometimes ask if I need help but I would never say yes to it. Iâd be grateful enough for someone entertaining by kids so I can get things done
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If she comes over all the time especially uninvited then yes she should help but if she doesnât come over often and you invite her for dinner then no she shouldnât have to help but either way she should at least offer. My exâs mother use to invite herself over and stay for days without taking the hint we were ready for her to leave and she would never help with anything. She was extremely lazy. She expected us to change things in our house to suit her and it was very rude and very frustrating.
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How often is she at your house? For friends and family that I visit often I help. If its not someone I see often, like enough to know their routine, then unless they ask me to do something, I donât.
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Iâm sorry but when we would go to my momâs ALL of us pitched in and helped, I donât care if we were invited or just showed up. And her and my dad did the same at any of our houses. So the next time your at her house-sit back and relax. Give her a taste of her own medicine and see how she likes it. Maybe-just maybe sheâll take the hint
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I wish my mother in law were like this. Sheâs always trying to help with everything and it makes me feel very uncomfortable because I wasnât raised to be disrespectful and having a guest help is very disrespectful. This question is disrespectful.
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Sheâs a guest and wouldnât expect her to do anything. However my inlaws are Jamaican and they do literally everything to help me. Like to the point where I have to stop her and say relax I got this lol. It all depends, of I was a guest in someoneâs house I wasnât raised to just sit there so I guess itâs who they are.
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Not sure of the particulars of your situation. In mine, I was awaiting spinal surgery and in no condition to entertain. However, that didnât stop 2 sisters-in-law, their spouses, a cousin and his spouse from coming to town without an invitation.
I served 3 meals a day for 4 days.
When they all were FINALLY leaving, I walked outside to see them off (limping as usual), and one of them yelled out, âThe cripple finally made it.â. They all laughed.
Needless to say, heâs now my ex-husband.
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She probably did it for years without help. She deserves to be waited on. Maybe she doesnât want to overstep boundaries
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Usually when you invite someone over you shouldnât just expect that they help you. Is it nice? Sure, but shouldnât be expected! I love having my parents over for the fact that they can just sit back and relax. My mother slaved over myself sisters and father for years! Itâs her time to take a load off and be waited onâ¤ď¸
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She shouldnât have to do anything , she is a guest . She may be family but doesnât live with you so there fore sheâs a guest . And thatâs how it should be .
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In our family culture the young adults serve to the elders. We offer to make their plates for them. We get their drinks for them. They get served first and we clean up after them. Thatâs just how I was raised. And if we have guests over for dinner, I usually cater to them and while it is greatly appreciated when offered, I never expect help with clean up or preparation from our guests, especially if they are elders.
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Thereâs a difference between being a guest and just being lazy. I would never expect someone to clear my plate after Iâm done eating even if its at their home. Do you have to flush the toilet after she uses it too? Nah, sorry. As far as cooking and household chores no I wouldnât expect them to do that since a guest shouldnt but at least have enough respect for a persons home to clean up after yourself. Thats just my opinion though. If others donât agree thatâs fine.
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Everytime we have family or friends over . They all help . Its fun . I dont ask it just happens, it sure Helps and gets it done faster. I dont understand some people
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Her son need to divorce you⌠sound like you just donât like his mom and everything she do will annoy you
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Is she engrossed and enjoying playing with her granddaughter? if so there are worse thingsâŚThan helping you clean up your home
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It is rude to offer no help but you also shouldnât expect it either, sheâs a guest. One thing I had to have pointed out by my mom is that I come from a take charge kind of family. I push through, I get stuff done. That can be offsetting to others and give the illusion their help is in the way. People canât read our minds, sometimes you have to say what help would be great. My upbringing is so completely different from my husbandâs that it took me years (and my mother pointing out) to realize I put on an effortless illusion. I donât look like I need or want help in the middle of doing something.
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If the roles were reversed would it bother you if she was your mother? After all she is a guest in your home, I wouldnât expect much more than them bringing their dish to the sink
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I understand you, but itâs your home. Maybe sheâs respecting you and Your home.
Maybe she not trying to over step.
I wouldnât Do this to my daughter in law. I would chip in. But traditionally respecting you
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Oh how I wish my parents and parents in law were still with us, so we could wait in them hand and foot , it would be my pleasure
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In my family we would pop over to my in-laws without warning and it was no big deal to my MIL to feel my husband and my two kids, she accepted help clearing the table and scrape the dishes. She preferred loading the dishwasher herself. It took me years to get her agree to me doing the pots and pans! I felt when she came to my house on Sundayâs for dinner that she had put her time in and she should just relax and be waited on!
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Weâre not supposed to ask our mothers to get up and help us at this age
Itâs our duty to serve them
This is what my parents taught me
His mother is my mother and I serve her in the very best ways I can!
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I assume sheâs the same with you, giving you drinks, cooking and such when your at their house? I try to go out of my way when I have company in general, but especially my in-laws. I donât want them worrying about anything & I dang sure donât expect anything in return. My parents raised me to respect my elders.đ¤ˇ
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Anytime anyone comes to my home, they are not expected to do anything. Matter of fact, I expect them to kick back and relax. They are my guests. If they were expected to clean up and help with everything they might as well stay home. Whatâs the point?
Maybe I was just raised different. And yeah, for those who say âwell as children we had to help clean up at our grandparents house so they should help usâ. No, youâre a grown adult and itâs about respect. You take care of those who took care of you. Thatâs how I was raised. If you come over to my house, you donât have to do anything at all besides grab the remote, watch a show, kick your feet up, snuggle with a kiddo and blanket and hang out.
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My parents and in laws donât have to do anything when they come to my home, I was raised that I take care of my guests, I serve everyone, I clear the plates, even when I go over I help, my mom doesnât let me help because i usually have my 5 kids to take care of and she gives me a little break, but I always offer.
So u actually expected your mother in law the mother of your husband to help to clear the table do your husband also clear his dishes after food daughters of this generation should pls show some respect so that we can experience old age
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Thatâs the way I was taught to treat a guestâŚI wouldnât expect any other way.
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The only time I will even consider accepting help from my guests is if Iâve done a large party or bbq. I donât see my in-laws anymore but when I did I never expected them to help with anything, but they always insisted. But most of the time for those informal things I insist they relax. I like people to feel relaxed when they come over, my husband is the same
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I donât lift a finger when I go to my daughterâs in laws homes for dinner I am guest and they treat me as one and they donât expect me to help and they donât want even if I just stand up to put a glass of water they will come quickly to do it for me.Yes when they come to my house I donât expect them to help me but they do being younger and I am older without even asking them and itâs a normal thing I am shocked you expect your in laws to pitched in lol
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I was like goes both ways. How are you treated at her house?
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I donât have the expectation that someone will help with anything if theyâve been invited to dinner but, a close family member whoâs over all the time, if they didnât offer to contribute in some fashion, while I wouldnât say anything, I would be disappointed and my opinion would change to the point where theyâd be invited much less frequently.
I say if you feel this way, donât invite the MIL to dinner or lunch etc. Now if itâs just about hard feelings toward MIL thatâs a whole different story. Maybe she doesnât want to step on your toes in your kitchen. Some may not like that. I am a MIL and I do offer to help if I am invited to dinner etc. at someoneâs house. Sometimes we meet at a restaurant inexpensive of course. That way the restraunt workers do the cleaning. Leave them a nice tip. All good. Otherwise, try sitting down with just her and have tea or coffee and let her know how you feel. Make sure the talk is peaceful. Itâs better than what the alternative will eventually be. Just saying.
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She sits back and plays with her granddaughter?! Wow she sounds like a real monster
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When someone comes to your home, WHYwould you expect them to help you? Especially if it is your MIL? She should be able to sit and play with her grandchildren and enjoy her time there. Iâm sorry, but you sound a little bratty. You should always serve your MIL, appreciate her while she is still with you. One day you will be the MIL and hopefully you will get the same treatment.
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Shes a guest and more importantly sheâs your MIL. You should respect her and let her rest and enjoy her grandchild. She raised your husband and payed her dues itâs about time she be waited on. I my opinion of course.
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Playing with your child while you get things done should be enough. Youâre lucky she comes over and is happy to play with the kids. Let her enjoy it! Shes done her time cleaning up after and cooking for everyone else.
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Isnât that how its supposed to be? 
I donât let my MIL help, when shes over thats time to spend with her grandkids.
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Whatâs wrong with that? She is a guest and probably feels awkward in your home. If you want her to do something then politely ask and Iâm sure that she would do it. When my in-laws come to my house I donât expect them to do anything. They are my guest.
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I think you answered your own question when you said ââŚI would rather not host you at all than be treated this way.â Host being the key word there. 
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When i read this headline i expected to read that she lived with you or something close. Possibly eat with you daily at least⌠But thatâs not my interpretation and i canât imagine being offended by her ârelaxingâ and spending time w her grandchild. Sheâs a guest and an elder. Would you not have to cook and clean regardless if she was there anyways? I have a feeling there is a lot unsaid about your relationship with your MIL and some other underlying issues.
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Ide gladly do that for my mother in law when she visits it would be my pleasure she made the love of my life 
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When you are at your MILâs home behave as she does at yours. I wonder what your expectations of your father in law are. Personally I dont want anyone else in my kitchen cooking or cleaning especially a guest. If you feel overwhelmed with the workload make sure your husband is helping or allow him to do all of the cooking and cleaning.
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Sheâs spending quality time with your daughter and thatâs all that matters your daughter wonât remember how clean your house she will remember how her grandmother made her feel special 
every time she visited be grateful 
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Some of the comments I agree with. But in my experience the first time you come to dinner you are a guest. Any time after that, you are family and families help each other out.
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Sheâs just being polite , she doesnât want to bother you with your Arrangements , she doesnât want to be a pain , I would not want my mom neither my my mother in law to lift a finger when am hosting them, didnât they serve us enough for their entire life ??? Yes I would rather her to enjoy her grand kids , actually I like the fact sheâs comfortable enough not to do anything âŚ
I never expect guests to clean my house. What kind of entitled upbringing did you have?
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Wait so while she plays with your child while you cook and clean like you normally would is a major issue? Lol if be happy to be able to cook and clean in peace maybe talk to her cos like, she probably has no idea this is a problem to you, as it wouldnt be to any normal person
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In my culture and my husbandâs culture we are taught to take care of our elders. No matter when, where or why. The fact the age an a elder can be set aside, sheâs a guest. Also I agree with the person that said be grateful for grandparents not everyone has them.
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If she is coming to visit for a day then she is a guest and she does not need to help lay tables etc. I can understand if she were to come stay for a week or two then she can help.
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She has raised kid/s for 18+ years⌠donât you think it would be right to let her sit there and relax?. You say she plays with the kids⌠isnât that something? Shes helping you basically watch the kids while you clean up the house. I know when I clean the house⌠my son is with me. Yes, it would be nice for them to help and she put her plate in the sink, but itâs your house. Dont you think it would be better if you cleaned up the house instead of her? I know I wouldnât my MIL cleaning my houseâŚ
When I invite someone over including family I donât expect them to clean. They are a guest in my home so I take care of them.
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I was raised that way. It would feel weird for me to have her help. Sheâs my guest. And I help at her house cos sheâs the Mom. Itâs a sign of respect
Ask her if her leg is broken! Sounds lazy and entitled. The least she could do is offer to help. That would mean a lot even if you didnât accept her help. Manners count!
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I do this when we have people over, I take their plates clean up ect. Theyâre my guest.
And when I am somewhere I always ask if they need help with anything.
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I am a MIL and I always offer to help and clean up. My daughter in law is amazing. She takes amazing care of all 3 of my granddaughters, one of which was born bilateral deaf and now has bilateral cochlear implants, and my son on top of running her own business. All my respect to this amazing lady. I help her in any way that I can, that is the just how I was raised. I believe some of the best memories are made with family, in the kitchen, spending time together.
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Depends on how often she is there. If it is all the time then yes she should help. If it os only once in a while I wouldnât expect help other than playing with my child.
I wouldnât expect her to help. If she acted to help clear the table, thatâs fine. But itâs in poor taste to expect it. If you feel this way, maybe you shouldnât invite her over.
Sheâs a guest and she is there to spend time with your daughter. We have an understanding that whoever is hosting does everything. We do the same for our kids when they come over our house. If you need help just ask. I am sure she would be willing to help. But if she is occupying your daughter that is a nice break for you anyhow and gives her extra time with her grand daughter.
Itâs my house so I wouldnât expect my guest to do all that and most definitely not my in laws lol even if I go over to their house Iâll still help out and do my thing as a nyab. Everyoneâs different and everyone has their own preferences for everything but this is just me, not speaking for anyone else.
Omw you we should all direct our energies whete needed. With the pandemic around we should be maybe praying to save the world instead of a plate. Treat it as selfless service and move on.