I’m sorry ladies but family is not a guest, but with that being said if MIL only comes over 1 or 2 times a year then sure treat her as a guest. Anyone after they have come over more then 3 times they are no longer a guest they are family and need to help out.
How do you even expect your MIL to be doing work at your house? Where I come from, parents don’t lift a finger when they visit their kids houses. Even when we visit their houses, we as their kids help them with their houses.
Grandmom = having the best time with the grand kids… She did do something, she raised ur husband to be the best man he can be and u married him,so now it’s her turn to relax…That’s ur home,u shouldn’t want someone coming in there helping themselves to whatever and if she did u probably would have talked about her cause she didn’t do things ur way…
My father in law expected me to get up and clean his house while I visited. I thought he was joking. When he came home from work he asked why I didn’t do the dishes like he TOLD me to. Umm… My reply was I’m not your maid. And you can ask nicer! Ended up causing a fight between him and my husband. My husband didn’t talk to him for two years. Finally went back to visit and he didn’t say one thing out of the way. Was going out of his way to be nice. My mother in law ( divorced from father in law many years ago) is the opposite she wants to come and help at our home. I was taught when you have guest they don’t lift a finger. I would never expect them too!
I’m just sitting here thinking how the hell are you on here bitching about her being present🤦🏽♀️ I wish I had a mother n law to feed and play with my kids. My mom has done passed almost 15yrs now. You sound very entitled and rude.
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Well, if you have a guest over to your house, you are usually considered the host and take care of everything
Whatever your mother in law will do
You will have that same attitude .
When my in-laws came or anyone for that matter, I’d never ask them to or expect them to help.
I think classes should be held on this subject - because this situation hasn’t changed in years .
My Mother never helped or my in laws .
It wAs my Privilege to have them in my home .
This is your lucky day
Bc you asked for help and you and all of us need help with how badly we treat our mil
We hurt our husbands
That is his mother .
Relationships would be so much better if we were kinder.
Ask your mil to help with something
I would not do so, but your not alone . For a happy marriage and to respect your children’s grandmother
Get some counselling
You’ll be happier in the long run.
My daughter in law tells me mom don’t worry about it I got it when I go to help that what a good daughter in law does they appreciate you and know you raised your kids and one of them she married and has told me thank you for raising a good man for my family
What is wrong with you ? Thats your MIL , YOUR HUSBANDS MOM, YOUR CHILDRENS GRANDMOTHER, I have taken care of my own mom for the last 10 yrs 24/7. Shes now 85, on oxygen with some dimentia and a host of other problems. Why would you want her to help , seriously? She’s spending time with her son and grandbabies . Just do the clean up , or leave it til later . Your being petty . If my MIL was still with us , I would take care of her 24/7 and be as loving as i am with my mom. YOU NEED TO CHECK YOURSELF. Don’t you dare have your husband talk to his mom about not helping you with the clean up. Thats ridiculous. Wah, wah .grow up
She doesn’t live there therefore she is a guest and she shouldn’t have to do anything if you don’t want to wait on her then don’t invite her for dinner then you don’t have to worry about it do you expect all your guests to wash dishes after you cook dinner for them and invite them over for dinner sounds like you just hate your mother-in-law and looking for anything to nitpick about choose your battles wisely LOL you never win between a mother and her son
Honestly if she isn’t living there suck it up. She’s grandma she should be able to spend time with her granddaughter. She’s there to visit. But that’s just my opinion. I always help out …but that doesn’t mean everyone else is going to do as I do. If it bugs you that much talk to your spouse. If he doesn’t want to make mommy clean up and help then he should do it for her. And really HE SHOULD BE THE ONE DOING IT ANYWAY. I’m sure she did it for him for decades lol 🤷
I’m sorry i would ask if she would like to help or I would have to talk to my husband and let him know how you feel. If things did not change then she needs to go to a motel or hotel. You do not need the stress for yourself or your family. Now it is your desicion how to take care of it. But…to be honest have you tried to set her down and you and your husband talk to her about how you feel about everything??? Just asking I hope everything works out for you and your family.
Wait huh???
I thought that’s how it’s supposed to go when you have guests…
What am I missing?
If they offer to help cool
If you want help ask for it …
Is this a generational gap thing because I don’t understand.
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My MIL cleans and cooks when she’s over. She brings food to cook and then buys if I don’t have anything in stick. She’s also a gourmet cook. She’s a foodie too. Too bad she lives 400+ miles away 
Isn’t this called “having guests over?” Unless they do this every week, I wouldnt call this behavior weird.
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I couldn’t imagine. But to put things in perspective, we moved to live next to my in-laws to be closer to them and 2 years later we lost her to suicide. My husband is still not over it. Sometimes things are hard but then they are gone…I wish you the best. Maybe she doesn’t want to step on your toes in your house
My husbands family is the same with me. As a result, I only invite them over when I am of the mind. Also, maybe it’s old fashioned ideas of hospitality? In that case, we should do the same at their homes 
I don’t like when anyone helps me cook or clean. I have a system or I lose my mind. So it is best if she just sits it out.
She is a guest and if she is spending that time playing with her grandkids well worth it to me.
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Do they live out of town, if so find them a gotel room suggest going out coming back for dessert. But they are considered a guest in your home they dont live with you. Same holds true if you visit them. Tou Chose to help. Dont help maybe she will understand but you are at least 20 to 30 yrs younger.
Guests are guests! If you don’t wanna clean up after them don’t have them.
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Sadly she is a guest in your house therefore doesn’t feel she needs to do anything.
A simple question without judgement, if this was your friend would you expect her to assist you she clean up?
It is tough, but it’s how some people are.
Communication is important here. I would never let my DIL feel she needs to take care of everything. I would communicate to her/them on what I could do to help them.
WOW…never ever work I expect my ML to lift a finger. I do all the cooking and my husband and I do the clean up. Even when we’d go down to my IL I’d do all the cooking and clean up. I feel she paid her dues of cooking and cleaning up after dinner. I also didn’t let my Mom do anything . There’s a time when you pass the torch…
My MIL passed away suddenly 10 years ago. She was a wonderful woman. I would love to have her back in our lives! I would wait on her hand and foot if she could be here with us again.
Count your blessings!!!
Poor mother 
she gave you her son. Will you expect same things from your mom too? At least should give respect to our elders and also need to teach our kids too so in our future we can get same
Did you ask for help? Is there a reason you expect her to help? When you go to her house do you do all the things there too? Miscommunication ends relationships. If you communicated and said what you felt, this could likely be worked out. Be an adult and communicate.
Maybe a little different here but any time my dad visits, I make his plate and clear it too. Bottom line they’re our elders and guest
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MIL or any grandparent is a guest. Let them play with the children and you be a gracious host 
Now if she is a mean ole bat just be busy. But if she is pleasant and your children love her go with the flow 
I’m old n I want to.be treat with love n I live with my daughter n sometimes I feel worthless couse they dont want me to do any thing. ,if a older person doesn’t feel welcome she wont do any thing because it might make feel like she cant do it the same way you do. My kids all give me space n Ithey let me do some stuff when I feel good. TREAT YOU MOTHER OR MOTHER IN LAW LIKE YO WANT TO.BE TREATED .
Mine always says whoever cooks is not to clean everyone else cleans at her house. She never helps at mine.
In Africa, especially in Nigeria where I come from. Mother inlaws, or inlaws in general are to be served by the wife. Even if u go visiting, u do all the chores, likewise if they come visiting. So it ain’t a big deal
All our guests are treated like her, I would expect nothing from them except to kick back and relax
I/we have never expected any guests to help with anything. If it’s a planned thing maybe use paper plates. That eliminates lots of dishes.
As much as I do agree with a lot of people on here, enjoying family perspective etc… with any of my family or friends we all have the perspective if you want something then help yourself. Therefore I’d assume that if I got myself food or a drink or what ever I’d take care of it myself, same as if I had friends or family over. Now if she’s there quite often I don’t see why she can’t take care of her own plate at dinner at least. I guess you’d have to figure out better communication with her as a start.
Aw Come on! Any mother -in-law would offer to help and you should let her…makes for a better relation ship…I would never go and just set there like I was queen (Sh-t) well you know whea I mean… my kids come in and ask what they can do, I tell them what needs to be done. My grandson comes in and says “Grandma, set down, I will finish or I will BBQ” so I let him…
My MIL and my mom would Always be more helpful than i would want them to be. But. She is your guest. She does not HAVE to help you. If you need help, ask. But you shouldn’t expect your guest to do anything.
Wonder she even bothers to come with a vibe like that going on… She must love her son and grandkids a lot to brave it 
Oooh child, NO ma’am!!! That there is your mother in law and will ALWAYS be treated with respect no matter how long she lives. Just like your mother is held on a pedestal when she comes over so is the in law. She is a guest in your castle not a servant!!! Shake my head with this young generation:woman_facepalming:
If I have guests of any sort I don’t expect them to help clean up.
Well if she’s at your house for dinner she should be treated like a guest . I know she’s to it MIL but she’s spending time with you and the kids . That’s not you waiting on her hand and food it’s just courtesy
Does she wait on y’all when you go to her home. I’m sorry but I don’t get this. You invite now you expect her to do dishes well hon that’s not right. That’s rude to me. If folks are invited to my home. I try to wait hand and foot on them.
I can understand. In my family, on both sides, when going anywhere for a visit, the men and women and children were expected to at least bring their plates to the sink. The older girls and women all pitched in to help with washing dishes, not because that part was expected, but because it is bonding time, a time and place to have conversations, and the older women passed down memories and stories. Now, my grandma’s would both either help with the cooking and cleanup, or, they were also given opportunity to watch over the younger children and tell them stories, if Grandpa wasn’t. But, they always tried to help with the cooking and cleanup first.
Why would you expect any guest to do chores? You are the host. That’s your job, not theirs. I hope there is more to this, because otherwise you sound very selfish and immature.
Ummm why would you expect her to clean she is a guest. Yes when I go over to someone else’s house I help with everything that includes cooking but when people come over to my house I expect them to just sit talk amongst themselves and enjoy being around… either with my kids or my hubby but that’s just the way I am 🤷
She’s a guest. That’s literally the definition of a guest. If you’re lucky enough to have one who offers to help cook, clean or what have you then that is a blessing but not at all expected.
WOW!!! you expect your mil to help you at your house, she is a guest and should not have to help you. I am sure when you go over to her house she does everything. Grow up and respect your elder’s
Everyone is different I guess. My preference would be for my MIL to sit back and be a grandparent vs trying to step in do things to “help.” Either way, you shouldn’t expect your guests to prepare dinner or do the dishes afterwords. It might be different if she demanded you bring her things, but waiting to be called to dinner isn’t rude. If it was, you should be equally annoyed with your FIL.
Huh?? Thats not her house. I don’t let my mom or MIL so anything when they come to OUR house. They’re there to visit, not help out unless you’re injured.
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It’s your house. She should atleast put her own plate in the sink and get her own food and drink. But making supper and doing dishes is yours and your husband’s responsibility, not hers.
My mother in law is not like this at all. I can’t get her to stop doing things because she is so used to it from her husband. And she is flabbergasted when I take her plate and cook and do the dishes. I know she is stuck always doing everything for her husband and her kids when they were young. I would just ask if she could help a little. Like maybe bring her plate to the sink and rinse it off. Help set the table. Just a couple little things. Tell her how it makes you feel. You are not her wife. You married her son. Not her.
Exactly why I do not host unless I’m prepared to do all the work for all the guests solo.
out right tell her "do you think you could give us some help? If she refuses, I would tell her honestly that you unable to host any more because it is too much for you!
I’d never expect my MIL to lift a finger at my house. If she offers cool but I’d instinctively reject her offer first. That’s just how I was raised.
I don’t let my mother-in-law do anything. She is my guest. She tries to do dishes and I tell nope, you go sit and visit. She is allowed to bring her potato salad, which is the absolute best!
We offer to make her coffees an get her drinks but most of the time she does it herself. Dishing dinner. Well nobody dishes plates but me lol so I dish the kids first then spouse an his mom an then myself. Generally everyone cleans there own area up but if one of us finish at the same time as her or close we will offer to take her stuff to the kitchen. I dont know I dont expect it so maybe that’s why it’s kinda mutual. I’m not sure. If it’s an issue for you maybe have a chat with her about it?
I was raised that if im in someone elses house, make it seem as if i was never there. Meaning, clean up after myself, help the host out etc.
This is just laziness
This is what I expect my mil to do.
She doesn’t.
She tell me to go sit or play with the kids and she’ll make dinner or breakfast or whatever.
Geeze, guests are just that, guests! I never let guests do anything. I want to have everyone enjoy each others company. When everyone is gone, I cleanup or if too tired, I tackle it in the morning!
I go to my daughter in laws help her cook clean pick up do whatever shes like my daughter to me even if i am a guest
I don’t see that as being waited on, hand and foot. That’s the normal way to treat a guest. Do you expect her to cook and clean, seriously.
I can’t stand my MIL and neither can my hubby but she’s a text book narcissist in every way shape and form but I know that if we invite my mom for dinner she always offers to help in some way but my hubby nor I expect her to help at all. family or not we invited her and is a guest in our home. but at the same time she will always offer to help and we can never tell her no cause she will do it anyway. seems like there is some issues here with the MIL. so some more info may help with giving a more informed answer. if she’s like my MIL and is a wicked witch who wants the worst for you in every way and does things on purpose to make your life hell then I can understand. so more Info would help us to give a better opinion.
I would never expect my MIL to help at my home while she is GUEST! I would never expect any other guest in my home to do it, so why would I expect her to? IF I go to her house, I help out because it’s respectful but she is Not obligated at my home, ever! She already bore my husband and had to tolerate him long enough for me to take over 
She is MORE than welcome to come over, sit on her ass (because she deserves to), and play with her grandchildren because she won’t be around forever and their time with her is more precious then setting damn dishes on a table!
I would appreciate the quality time she is having with your daughter. These moments create precious memories for our children
Do you expect her to come over to cook and clean? Im confused. That’s how you host someone…
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I was taught to help out. When I go to my son’s, I cook, wash dishes, wash twins clothes, I pick up n take care of twins. I enjoy it n don’t mind 
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I wish my mother in law was still alive to have over as a guest. She was the sweetest and most awesome woman I’ve ever known. I did and still would treat her like a queen and gladly wait on her
Mine done the same damn thing. My solution was never have her over for dinner again.
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Thats not “waiting on her hand and foot” thats just having a dinner guest…
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Try asking her to join you or make a specific request if you really need help.
I personally would feel bad if my mother in law was doing work in my house. But if I needed her help I would ask.
Oh no your mil paid her dues raising your husband her son her job now is to do exactly what you said she is doing play with your children her grandchildren to build family memories with them! Embrace the woman who have you a husband to love spoil her love her give her a break as
You well
Know being a mother yourself it’s a lot of work so bless her with your love w s acceptance of her and welcome her everytime she comes to visit she is the first woman to have loved your husband it’s truly tough to give your sons over to another woman no matter how much she loves her daughter in law she still gives her son away! Being a mother of three sons is tough when you know eventually they will pledge their allegiance to another woman ! It’s a good thing but still tough to do!
Really I would never expect our parents to help you have invited them round for dinner, would you expect your friends to help you if you had them over for a dinner party???
Also she’s a guest at your house. When I have guests I host them. That’s just what is normal I thought?
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She did her time when she was a mother to your husband during his childhood. She deserves to sit back and let someone take care of her.
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If she’s visiting your house, then you are responsible for doing things for her. She can volunteer to help, but she’s not obligated. The same goes for when you visit her.
Assuming she is a guest and doesn’t live there. As a guest I should offer, but I wouldn’t expect a guest to help.
She could at least offer to help out and not expect to be waited on hand and foot but I’d be fine with it f she wasn’t expecting to be waited on and had offered to help and was told “no go sit down I got it”
Think about all the times you MIL cleared the table for your spouse when they were young, or wash the dishes, or did the laundry, or any other house work. I would never allow my MIL to do dishes or clean up in my house
When you go to her house, then that would make you her guest. Do her the same way she does you. She should at least offer to help, but then you should just say no, but not to even offer, naw! The offer is called being respectful. Jmo
Does she wait on you hand and foot at her house? When people come I don’t expect them to help. If they offer and I need it I would accept it.
If you invite guests over, you shouldn’t expect them to help clean up. However, it’s only common courtesy to offer.
I wouldn’t even allow my mother in law to help with dinner if she came over. I would expect her to sit down and relax and play with the kids. 
I guess it depends on the kind of relationship you have…
Wouldn’t you do that for any other guest? Did you invite her as a guest or as the help? Does she expect you to do all those things when she invites you to her house? Or does she do all those things herself and allow you to just be the guest? Food for thought
Any guest at my house I don’t expect for them to do anything, I usually don’t get the same treatment at other homes, you are who you are. You can’t change other people’s ways of Hosting their guest
She is a guest and you would have to do all that if she wasn’t there. If it’s just one day or evening you should let her enjoy her grandchildren and her visit. If it’s an extended stay you might say make yourself at home and let her know she is welcome to help herself to what she needs. Sometimes parents feel like they are intruding if the aren’t there enough to know where everything is located in the kitchen or what your routine is. Have you asked her to show you how to make one of her recipes. Wanting her to do the work makes you seem like you’re trying to use her to get out of work. If she volunteers let her help. I would never expect my MIL or my own mother to work when they would come to my house unless they volunteered. Most have already done all of that themselves raising your husband and you!
She is a guest in your home. She has raised her child and it is her time to get to relax and play with her grandbaby.
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Some guests enjoy helping, cook, clean, etc etc, I’m that guest, my Mom was the same, when she came to visit, she was up with the birds, making breakfast my kids loved Grandmas visits… She was a Southern woman, that’s how they do it, other family would come visit everyday when she was in town bcuz they knew she was in the kitchen, lol lol 
she really loved cooking… wouldn’t take No Thank you for an answer… She was the best ever…
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Yeah we do all of that when our parents are over. I would never expect my parents or my fiancé’s mom to do the dishes or prepare the meal if I’m inviting them over, we do use paper plates though because I don’t like dishes
I don’t understand what you’re looking for. You expect her to clean? She’s a guest and she’s been cooking and cleaning her whole life. She’s not trying to do it in your house too.
If my own mother came to visit , I would not expect her go to the kitchen cook for my family clean after us. Why should it be any different with my mother in law?
That’s how guest act! We someone is invited they are expecting to clean. When you go to a party for you stay and clean up afterwards!? No! Right!!!
Only thing that bugs me is that she didn’t clean her plate. Like everyone does that as a guest I feel. Or at least put by sink. Lol other things…is she supposed to cook and do dishes? I wouldn’t expect a guest to do that.
Sometimes people are afraid to do things in other peoples homes… maybe shes afraid of offending you or doing something different than how you do it? Or maybe shes just being a lazy… have you tried talkin to her or have your other half talk to her?
Guest my eye!! After 2 times you family…lol. Get your own water, go lie down and relax if you want to. I am not treating you like that for years. When I go over to my MIL house. I am family and get my own stuff, clean , serve her, whatever. Stop with the foolishness…
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she has raised ur husband for years and probably she would have done that without any help why do u expect an old person to do work in fact you should not allow her to do any thing c’mon she should be treated like a queen if not that athe least give her the due respect. It is selfish of u even to talk like that because they have problems once they start ageing she might not be telling u all but even she would like to be pampered and taken care of thats her way of getting attention from her sons wife remember she has given u her most priced possession and if u behave bad with her be ready to get it back because thats Karma
Be happy your daughter has a grandparent to bond with. (My children don’t have any grandparents.) That’s what should be happening. Would you rather your older, guest, MIL cook and clean with you while your daughter has her nose buried in a computer? NOPE. Grow up girl!
Mother in-law’s are the worst we had my father in- law in our home for 16 mos in hospice care so she lived with us also & always exspect us to wait on her it was a nite mare so we made her go back to her house that’s on our property she almost ruined our marriage, then my father in law past away & we sent her to her other sons place & they are having a hard time with her all I know she’s not coming back here !!!
I love for my MIL to sit back and do nothing but catch up with her son and mine when she comes over. If I invite her over for anything its not for her to work.
What’s so wrong about asking for help? Can you not ask “ hey ____ can you set the table and help clear the table afterwards… this at least gets the idea 
that you expect something other than just complaining on FB.
I never expect them to help or clean they usually ask if I need help or hell just them playing with the kids is helping and I have my family over all the time