That’s called she earned that respect! She is the guest girl come on! When your old it will be your turn!
My kids are expected to clear their dishes and bring them to the sink. I don’t expect guests to do that though.
I never expect help even from family who come over almost every day. It’s kind when they offer but not expected. I don’t serve my family, but we announce dinner is ready and hand them their plates and cups so they can get how much of whatever they want!
Yeah sorry, she’s a guest… she shouldn’t have to do anything. If it bothers you then maybe stop inviting her over? You were going to make dinner anyway & it’s just one more plate to wash. Idk it doesn’t seem like a huge deal to me.
Dude she is grandma! That’s her job, to sit back and play with your daughter and not worry about house work. It’s your house. Grow up and quit being a baby.
Ditto, I’m sure your MIL has cooked and cleaned her entire life. I know I have and I’m 60 years old. It’s time for us to sit and the younger ones cook for us now.
My MIL is dead, so I dont get that blessing of having her around. My mom wouldn’t expect us to wait on her, but I wouldn’t ask her to do anything. She just gets up and does it anyway
Ummmm… I thought that’s the point of having the grandparents over?
They play with the kids , you can chat about little stuff, and you make dinner and offer them a drink. 🤷 She sounds like she’s acting like a normal guests in the house. Some times i will ask my MIL for help with something if I need it, and she will gladly help me. Have you tried just asking her to do something? A simple" hey could you please grab the plates for me while I get leftovers put away?"
When my mil comes over, I do wait on her, bring her tea/coffee food. She is a guest. Same as the fil, if I go to there house I offer to help. Maybe it is the way people have been raised, but that would be the day I told my mil or fil to clear there own plates, they do it anyway if I’m doing something else, but most of the time I do it for them.
Have you ever just said hey can you help? Or just don’t call her to the table. She’ll figure it out.
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Reverse the roll… your the child and she is the mom. Cleaning house preparing dinner, doing the dishes etc all the while your playing games until the dinner bell goes off… be blessed that she is attending to the grandchild spending valuable time… be the adult, it’s your kitchen, your home… unless you prefer her to still get in your way
I’ve never made a guest help with anything like that of they want to thats fine but i don’t expect it.
She’s not a guest, she is family and she should be helping so that you can all sit and enjoy each other that much sooner. Try asking her??
I would atleast ask that my guests clear their plates and put them in the sink. Otherwise absolutely I do the rest. Any of my guests.
Sounds like my mom when she comes over but she is my guest. I font expect my mother to come over to cook and clean. She took care of me all her life, its my turn to take of her. It sounds like you do not have a good relationship with your Mil or it would not bother you. There are alot of questions though. How often does she visit? How long does she stay? How’s your relationship with her?
I think she should offer to help, or just do it without asking. If she doesn’t then you know what to do when you visit her.
Umm, she’s visiting. Unless she’s on the payroll as a hired help, I wouldn’t expect her to do anything except enjoy her time there.
What is procedure at her home? Old school guests don’t HAVE to pitch in, but most guests offer.
My mother would never act this way. My mom comes and waits on us. We are so blessed. We try to extend that favor at her home. We also just had a baby
Thanks to her you have your husband! Second, she’s older respect her she deserves to be waited on!
I agree! The guest shouldn’t be expected to help. 
be nice… shes family.
Try, “hey, let’s all set the table together”. Use the “let’s do this together” as much as possible. If she doesn’t get it after that, you’re just gonna have to be blunt, but in a polite way. It hard, but she may not even be aware she’s being rude.
I’m from the south and guests do not help with those things. When you are in my home, you’re here to relax, not put in work! If a guest offers and does a little something, that’s one thing, but I would never expect it from my guests. 
Shame on you…she’s probably cooked and cleaned more dinners than you have been alive…I would never ever have my MIL lift a finger when she came over…even if it was every day…she’s doing what grandmothers are supposed to do…relax and enjoy the grandchildren…my mother and MIL are both passed…you have no idea how lucky you are that your kids have one…sounds harsh but you need to grow up!
Screenshot this and show it to her or have your husband invite them and make him do all the work. A closed mouth don’t get fed…or you can treat her like a guest.
Awe I’m so sorry. Wow as a mom I’d never expect that when I would go to my kids homes. That is not ok.
I would never have my mother in law over for dinner and expect her to do anything but eat and play with my kids
She is helping by entertaining her granddaughter, she, I assume went to visit with her grandkids… not to cook and clean. She does that at home!
If you’re inviting her, she shouldn’t have to. It is polite to help, but as a host you shouldn’t expect it
She may not be comfortable helping out. You may do things differently or are a perfectionist. She may feel that she is helping by being with her son and grandchild so you can clean up without distractions
You should appreciate your mama. She did a lot for you when you were growing up, if anything happens to her you will wish that you can wait on her one more time
She is a guest shouldnt have to help especially if she is spending time with the grandkids thats how she is helping
I mean, she’s a guest in your home. Is a friend visiting expected to do the same as the expectation set for MIL? Probably not.
Is she staying a while or just the evening. I prefer my mom entertain my kids so I can get things cleaned up quickly.
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Why would you accept an invitation to someone’s house to clean their house, do their dishes, and cook their food? She’s a guest. You’re being utterly ridiculous. Now if she’s at your house every day for dinner, that’s different story. But expecting her to do any of that is not how being a guest works. Should she offer to help? Sure, to be polite. But that’s when you insist that she is the guest and politely decline.
Im not going to your house!
You invited her over right? You asked her to eat with you? Why the heck would you expect her to clean shes hanging out with her grandbabies. Kind of sounds like you don’t like your mother in law
She’s a guest in your house. it’s not her job to do those things. If you’re too lazy to have guests then don’t.
I prefer when in laws don’t help & as they are our guest they shouldn’t have to but, always nice to offer. Xx
I wouldn’t expect a guest to help, but that’s just me!
Growing up, this is how you hosted guests, especially family. I know things have changed now and I wouldn’t dream well that’s a lie, I do dream about visiting my kids when they’re grown and doing what they do now. However, her battle is not with you. It may just be what she knows is right. I would start a conversation with her. Say someone came over and you hosted them but they were so ungrateful and lazy. Throw in some things she does but not really hinting. Say something like, could you imagine?
Maybe she’ll get the hint or maybe you’ll go visit her and do the exact same to her.
If she is there excessively and u dont want to deal with the dishes use paper plates. A guest is a guest. Wonder if she expects u to clean up after yourself at her house??
She is a guest in your home as well as an elder. Your mil should not be expected to do a thing other than play with her grandchildren.
She is a guest who raised the man you married. Show some more respect to your elders. She should not be expected to lend a hand.
Your husband should speak to her privately about the matter with you present, it’s his mother and he should be the one to start the conversation
I don’t expect guest to help, with that being said most offer to pitch in and it’s appreciated.
That sounds a little harsh. I don’t expect guests to help with that stuff. Let her enjoy her grandchild.
Man I sure hope I get a better daughter in law then you! My MIL should sit back, she should relax, and she should hang out with her Grandkids!
I thought that was normal if she I a guest but my mother in law always ask if she can help with anything I say no just chill 
At least she plays with your daughter, I would cater to my mother n law if she could visit us. She raised a wonderful son who caters to me❤️
My aunt has been like this since I can remember. At get house though it’s a different story. She even barked orders at me while we were at my sister’s house to celebrate my nephews first birthday.
Guests don’t do that stuff unless she offers. It’s bad manners to expect it
Seriously? I would have given anything for my mil to just visit and see the kids. She lived 5 mins away in the same city. Never came over!
I would never do that to my daughter in law when she hosts I bring side dishes and help with dishes and clean up.
how about getting mad at your lackluster husband for not helping instead since he actually lives there?
Your MIL is a gift!
You are blessed to have her still living and able to be a grandmother!
It should be your honor to have her in your home.
She should not have to lift a finger And perhaps you should ask her if she would like a foot rub after dinner.
I would insist my MIL did exactly what yours is doing.
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If she’s entertaining her grandchild isn’t that worth something?
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I dont see the big deal. Anytime I have a guest I am thankful for their company, and happy to clean up, what’s one more plate set at dinner you were already going to have? You were already going to make that food, and clean your own plate. Let her relax and be with the grands while you spend the extra 2 minutes cleaning her spot. If she offers, great, if not, you kinda are a hotel. Shes your guest. If it was your best friend, would you care?
I would never expect a guest I have over my house to cook or clean. I want the pleasure of their company not a maid 
My mom would come help but I would not expect my mother n law to - that is different
Nope! My mom never acted that way! As a mother in law, I don’t act that way. She sounds like a lazy user! Stop having her over. To those of you who kiss the behinds of your MILs, I feel sorry for you.
She is a guest in your home and should be treated as such.
Well, she is a guest in your house. Do you ask friends to help do dishes?
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Looks like you will have to ask her to dry the dishes or load the dishwasher. Maybe she will get the message then.
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That’s what you do for visitors.
That’s natural for a visitor to act that way
I wait on myself. I always offer to help clean up. My DIL usually says no unless it’s a holiday then I don’t ask I just get up and help
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Deal with it… She is your MIL and has decided this is her role when she comes to visit.
Just do the same thing when you go to her house
That’s the problem in this day and age, manners and class are nil. Guests are GUESTS when they visit. See Jacqueline Whitmores entire line of etiquette books.
I was taught that its bad etiquette to go to someone else’s house and not clean behind yourself and offer to help if they are cooking/cleaning.
My Daddy is deceased, my birth mom is somewhere in Florida in a psych ward, FIL is in Houston, I think, and my MIL doesn’t come around because of my skin color, the fact that we don’t believe as she does in her religion, and some skeletons that recently came out of their family closet and my adopted parents don’t like my husband because he’s not from their neighborhood. So “in laws” are something we haven’t experienced.
But I remember my grandparents on both sides growing up, they would pitch in and do whatever was needed because that’s manners. And anytime we visited anyone, everyone pitched in…
IDK. I was raised old fashioned.
I would never have guests who are family or friends clean. I want them to come to my home and relax and enjoy. I want to pamper them! It is my house and I will take care of the cooking and cleaning!!
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If she did all that you’d probably say she was trying to take over your home…wait on her hand and foot and cater to her… You’ll get along better with your husband for it😊
Your mil is a guest in your home she should not be expected to help do you expect your friends to help when you have them as guests in your home
My husband just went to MIL and cooked and cleaned for her. My mother on the other hand, wants to be in control and “runs” the kitchen at my house and hers, I don’t mind my moms cooking is better.
Feel same for your mother .we dont make our elders to do cooking.we are there to help them.all the life they have done cooking for their kids .its shame to expect elders to do house chore.
Why wouldn’t you want her to spend time with her granddaughter instead of helping you do the dishes ?
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Maybe she thinks shes helping by occupying the kids while you do your stuff in your house
She’s a guest. I’ve never expected any guest to do those things. No matter who they are… That said many of them have helped on their own accord.
Umm this is exactly how u should treat yr MIL… I treat my mom and my MIL the same I do everything when there at my house so the have time to be grandma’s and relax and when I’m at there house I do everything I possibly can to help them it’s called respect… 
🤦
Sounds like you just dont like her and maybe you are a bit lazy, if you need help ask your hubby to help not your guest.
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You’re the one in the wrong. Yes, she could offer to help with cooking and/or the dishes, but it shouldn’t be expected or cause an issue. She is a guest when she comes over there, and there is nothing wrong with wanting a break, while you do something nice for her.
If you had to ask this then your parent did a poor job raising you and you shouldn’t host dinner for anyone, period.
She is your guest. She should have a place of honor, her time of serving everyone is done when there are daughter in laws around to do that.
When you dysying over at someone else house. You should offer to help. Its being respectful and a well educated person.
I get guests don’t do certain things but they offer usually. I know I always do.
I wouldn’t expect anything else from a guest especially mother in law or my own mom.
Mine is the say way. She tried to do that crap to me when I came over her house and that’s where I drew the line.
When your mother-in-law and father-in-law come to visit they are on vacation they shouldn’t have to do anything
She is a guest. Do you make guests wash your dishes? I dont. She has the right to come spend time with her grandchildren, she doesnt come to do your chores for you. Entitled much?
She’s your mother in law and your family now.treat her like your own because that’s the way it should be,regardless of your orientation at home she is like your own mother and your guest as well.your children will treat you same as how you treat your mother/mother in law.
I don’t understand? Are you inviting her? Is she just showing up? Is it an everyday thing? What exactly are you expecting her to do when you invite her over for dinner?
Isn’t she your guest? I would never expect my mom or mother in law to “help” me with anything at my house when they are my guests!!
Maybe she is waiting for you to invite her into your kitchen. She doesn’t want to step on any toes
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You are the host when someone comes to your residence.
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I think this is odd. We all chip in to clean…even the men. Makes clean up fast and we can visit while we do it. Then get on to more fun things.
She’s done the hard yards. You forget she WAS you once. When’s it her turn? Respect your elders.
I would feel bad if she had to help me with anything,I wouldn’t want her to ever think I wasn’t strong enough to run my household or woman enough to respect her son.sounds like your lazy and don’t want the extra work,bless you,you have more problems than your mil,I bet you raise cane all the time about something,sounds like you want to be waited on,grow UP and stop winning,who does the work in your home daily?what’s one more,jealous are you,is hubby paying attention to his mother and not praising you for cooking?cry a river girly
In our culture if you’re a guest and dine with us you can’t wash the dishes it’s inappropriate, you need to atleast have slept in the house once to able to wash dishes, the say it’s a bad omen, but I think it’s just proper to treat your guest that way, how much more your mil. I would want my husband’s family to treat my mother the same way I would treat his mother…like a guest should be treated or pampered I’ll say😊
The only thing i expect my guest to do is serve their own plate if we bbq-ing AND dont smear shiet on my stuff!
Oh how I feel your pain. I have this exact issue. Not only from mil. From all people who visit. So now I just don’t invite unless doing takeaway with throw away plates and cutlery.
If it’s once in awhile, I can see that. But if it’s more then 3 times a yr, just come out & ask her if she can help.