My mother in law forgot my kids birthday and middle name: Do I have a right to be mad?

I could use your help. My husband and I have been together since 96, married since 99. Our boys are 18 and almost 13. We have always been close to all of our parents, but six years ago, we moved out of state and, therefore, quite a distance away from all of them, but still a fairly easy drive. His mother and I were always close until last year on Father’s Day. I realized during one of our conversations that she did not know our kids’ birthdays. Now, my BIL, hubby’s brother, lives pretty close to the in-laws and always has. His kids o,f course, are front and center, as she sees them regularly. Even before we left the state, we lived about 90 minutes away. She rarely visited, including birthday parties after they were 3, even though she went to all of the more, my niece and nephew. We always had to go to her because she had horses to tend to and had no help. After I realized she didn’t know their birthdays, I caused a righteous scene. I left their house, swearing to never come back again, and went to a hotel for the remainder of the weekend. My husband didn’t speak to me comfortably for a couple of weeks, and I refused to go into visits for nearly a year. I did go for a very uncomfortable visit a month or an ago, where I sat awkwardly to the side, didn’t participate in conversations unless spoken to, and generally felt like a 3rd wheel all weekend, but it made my husband happy. However, there was a family reunion this weekend we were all expected to attend. The turnout was smaller than expected, so apparently, not everyone was encouraged to the same degree. It went well until we got to the in-laws’ house when my MIL got my oldest child’s middle name wrong. She was in the room when he was born. He is nearly 19. She said, “his middle name is X, right?” Hubs did speak up and tell her that no, it was Y, and let it go. I went directly to bed and barely spoke the remainder of the weekend. Said child was in the room when this conversation happened, and his feelings were hurt enough that he went straight to bed as well. Now that we are home, my husband has continually asked me what was wrong, so I told him. It wouldn’t be so bad, but at least 2x yesterday, I heard her call her other grandchildren by first and middle name together. She only has four total, so it’s not like she has a slew of babies to remember. I know he loves his Mama, and I am a boy mom myself, so I understand that devotion, but am I crazy for expecting this to upset my husband too?


As someone dealing with dementia, and seeing how prevalent it is and undiagnosed, the symptoms can show up years before diagnosis. Repetition helps with getting names correct, so it’s entirely possible that it’s not her fault she didn’t remember. And if it’s not dementia, yeah it was a major over reaction on OP’s part. Had she blown it off her kid would have too.

1 Like

You are definitely exaggerating! Dont ruin y’all lives just because of names and birthdates. My own husband sometimes forgets our children birthday.

I always remind my mother once every Monday of each week a month in advance for birthdays. And middle names aren’t important unless it’s a combined name the child always goes by. Like my daughter Kayley Jo. She tends to remember the youngest grandchildren best. Because, the babies in the family always get babied. Try not to hold it against them.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother in law forgot my kids birthday and middle name: Do I have a right to be mad? - Mamas Uncut

You are dramatic sis


Dramatic much!?! :woman_facepalming:t2:


You are being a ridiculous idiot. You caused a scene? Seriously? What a fool you are. People get older and their memories fade…let’s hope you get to the point when you stare at a person and can’t remember their name. Shame on you!


You need to grow up and stop causing scenes.

My mil will say “her birthday is ___ right” it doesn’t bother me. She tries and its not a lack of love. I feel like that’s dumb to cause a scene and stress your marriage over. Shes not mistreating them. Being like that isn’t going to make her any closer to them

You are definitely over exaggerating. Half the time my in laws don’t know my daughters 1st name (due to us calling her her nickname since she was born) so no one barely calls her by her name let alone forgets her name and I don’t go around throwing a hissy fit because it’s a name and or birthday it’s not that big of a deal! So your definitely being dramatic over the situation! It’s not that serious


Sounds like she likes the drama she is creating for no reason :roll_eyes:

Ummm that’s a little excessive and childish. You basically pouted because she forgot a middle name. Hell my own father doesn’t remember my middle name. In my opinion I think you’re souring a relationship for petty reasons. Definitely not worth the dramatics.


I don’t think your being dramatic. She has no problem remembering the other kids names and birthdays. However, maybe you should speak to your MIL about this. Tell her how you feel.


A little much if you ask me. Chill.

Same situation in my home. My kids never get happy birthdays or anything from his side. Even though they live less than 30 minutes away and the other kids live 7 minutes from my house. It’s offensive for me but I don’t make a scene or anything. My kids will learn the toxicity of their ways and hopefully make better choices when they are grandparents. I’d say you’re over reacting but I totally understand where you’re coming from and why you’re hurt.

You made a scene over a date? I’m a mom and I sometimes forget my own kids birthdays. Your mother in laws life doesn’t revolve around your children. Also you cannot be mad or feel like the third wheel when YOU created the tense situation. Have you apologized for your inappropriate and childish behavior? I’m guessing you didn’t.
As for the middle name. Who gives a shit. You gave your child a first name as long as she calls him by that name who cares if she can’t remember the second name. You being a big baby probably ruined the relationship with her grandchildren. All of this is on you. And tell your son to grow some thicker skin. He’s 19 and upset that his grandmother doesn’t know his middle name :roll_eyes: please.

Definitely over reacting in my opinion. No reason to cause a scene, you should have corrected her in private. People forget things.


That is petty and life is too short for all that drama and family is too precious for you to stir this up in the minds of the kids or even yourself. I’m sure she doesn’t love them any less just because she doesn’t know their birthday or even if the middle name slipped her mind.


U might as well let that go. My ex mother n law always called my daughter by her 2nd grand kids name never her name. She always got them mixed up. All the savings bonds she got her the names are never spelt right. And when the 2 oldest grandkids moved out of state and only left my child as the only
Grand child she still never spent time with her.

My mom named me and my sister and is around all my children quite a bit and she still says the wrong names :woman_facepalming::woman_shrugging: still love her dearly. Just a shame all the time you’ve wasted holding on to this. If you weren’t making such a big deal about it I’m sure it could be explained to your son that it has no bearing on her love for him and he wouldn’t need to feel bad.

Coming from a family that has favorites I understand where she is coming from. 🤷 My mother in law treats all my kids different and favors only one. It pisses me off. My other kids see that they are treated differently.

As someone dealing with dementia, the symptoms show up years before diagnosis. Repetition helps with getting names correct, so it’s entirely possible that it’s not her fault she didn’t remember. And if it’s not dementia, yeah it was a major over reaction on OP’s part. Had she blown it off her kid would have too.


You sound a bit dramatic :woman_shrugging:


Did said child tell u their feelings were hurt? I mean teens go to bed like normal people and it could of been something totally different. And I think ur making a huge fuss over something stu1d. My son’s one great grandma who is still working as a nurse can not remember his age or that it Matthew with two ts. Hes gotten repeat birthday cards of literally the same exact cards years in a row. Hell idk all my family member birthdays

Damn, I’m lucky if my husband remembers our kids middle names and birthdays…:rofl: let it go… life’s to short to have animosity like that between family over something so petty…

1 Like

Over reacting, she knows the other kids because she sees them alot more. Smh.


How old is mom in law? Could she have memory problems? Not sticking up for her, just some reason she could of forgotten. If it is memory related, she remembers the others because their a constant. (Not taking away fro. Your boys). Maybe just relax a little about it. I understand your feelings gs getting hurt. Mine would be hurt also.

Omg really,that’s your problem?! My own parents would call me by my two sisters names before getting it right! Besides when ppls get old they forget or mistake,no big deal.There are more important things in life than your problem with isent even one.Grow up

Over reacting IMO. People forget things,it happens. For you to cause a scene and expect your husband to be upset over something kinda petty is kinda immature. Just let it go darlin;lifes to short for nonsense like this

I would’ve just let it go. Yeah, it’s probably aggravating but I come from a big family and people are always getting names wrong. I dont think its something to break contact with them over or have a blow-up, but I would make it a point to correct them and ask them to do better for the sake of their grand-children’s feelings.

Well for my point of stand .
My mom had me and there was five step sister’s and four step brothers.
And my middle name is Leann and my one sister’s middle name is Ann .
Well my mom would call me by my first name and get my middle name wrong.
We would have to set her straight .
She done this for over ten years of me growing up.
Then my sister’s had kids and she would even get the middle names wrong.
Yes it upset my sister’s.
However they over looked it.
You know why.
Because that was our parents and sometimes our parents have trouble remembering names or birthday or what ever.
Now fast up to when our mom passed away.
A week before she passed away , she looked at us kids and said I am sorry if I ever made you mad because I didn’t get names right or I missed y’all birthday.
When we get old our memory don’t work as good as y’all do.
And when I had step kids I done the same thing.
And I use to say I will never be like my mom and what happened.
I done the same thing.
You can’t be mad at your mom or his mom because they do care .
One day you will realize that when you get old.

Sounds like it’s your fault that they don’t see them.

It’s not worth all the drama. I am a grandma and just now couldn’t remember middle names on two of my for a minute. O I still don’t remember.
No one. Uses their middle name anyway.
Don’t loose a relationship Over a name or date. People do forget.
Not to hurt anyone either.


I’m sure your mother in law is probably an older lady by now seeing that your son is 19. Maybe she’s just elderly and forgot? I mean I’m 30 and my mother forgets my birthday sometimes lol, it isn’t on purpose she’s just getting older and forgets things. I don’t take offense to it, I think your being a bit dramatic and like you stated you don’t see them often so I’m sure she forgot but not intentionally…

dramactic much. ok so she doesn’t remember birthdays and middle names. GUESS WHAT? I forget my gkids birthdays, or get them confused. I definitely can never remember the years they were born. Why make a big deal out of it. you owe your MIL an apology! GROW UP!!!

So funny story. I had my tonsils removed when I was 7. The hospital I had the surgery in was in the same town my grandparents lived in. So they came to see me after the surgery. Well my grandpa couldn’t remember my first name because everyone growing up called me Buckles. When he asked the people at the desk he said Buckles and my last name. The only reason they knew who he was talking about was because he used my last name. So I think you’re over reacting. My grandpa probably still wouldn’t remember my first name if he was still alive and I am almost 30.

Why does it matter? I’m 33, and my grandmother doesn’t remember my birthday. Hell, she gets my mom and aunt’s birthdays mixed up all the time, and those are her children. The real question is, does she show up when invited to birthday parties, does she take interest in your children, does she show them love and attention? If the answer to those questions is yes, than nothing else matters. And to get upset over the forgetfulness of a middle name is childish.


Don’t feel bad my kids were not raised with my in laws and they are treated differently then the grandkids that grew up in the same town, i really don’t care because it’s their lose. Now that we live one town over they try to treat them like the others but my kids don’t want them to

Omg is this for real?? :laughing::laughing::laughing: middle name ?? Seriously? …get over yourself


My own mother forgets my date of birth :joy: her and my grandma would always call us by the wrong name. It wouldn’t surprise me if she told me she didn’t know the middle names of my kids and she comes over almost every day. Carrie Sweitzer what is maddies middle name :joy:

1 Like

I have 5 kids…. I sometimes go blank with their middle names or have to give some thought to their birthday. Being upset over forgetfulness is immature. Did you ever think about early signs of dementia or the other million things she has to remember. I think you should find bigger fish to fry


Wow forgot the middle name too? Lol

:disappointed: I am sorry you have to go through this. I do not think you are crazy, but I do feel that y’all should talk to MIL about your concerns.

My mom doesn’t remember my name half the time… I’m only 35 and forget which kid has which birthday…
Like really, she will remember who she see’s more often, especially if she’s older.
There’s more shit to be worried about then to freak out over her forgetting names…
Speak up correct her, but don’t throw a hissy.
Call her senile and move on.

1 Like

I have 15 grandkids and I dont know all their birthdays. I do however know there whole name. I see them almost every weekend. I would talk to MIL. She maybe having some problems with remembering. If so you must for give her.

My mom sees my daughter every day and still says her name wrong. She is about to be 11.


My advice to you is don’t sweat the small stuff… you’re taking it way too personal.


You’re not overreacting or wrong ! I’ve dealt with he same thing. My ex mother in law was the same . She came up when my son was about 3 weeks, and I will say I didn’t want anyone coming in and staying in my home when he was brand new. I just didn’t . But when she did come she straight away took that baby like it was hers and that pissed me off . Then when he was crying she took him out of his crib before I even had a chance to get him and then wouldn’t give him to me when he was crying . I almost lost my mind , my husband had to tell his mother to give me my son. She’s been in town and not even called , she live almost 3 hours away. If we don’t bring him to them there is no effort on her part to see him. You’re not overreacting at all , it shouldn’t fall on you to make them have a relationship. You’re the one that has to pack up a million things and drive with a little baby and that not ok

Sometimes my mom forgets my name… :joy::sweat_smile: I’m usually Fred, George, Bob, then Katie. Lol

I can understand feeling a little hurt however I am sure she isn’t meaning anything awful. It’s a middle name. Not their first name. Birthdays are hard too, especially as you age. My grandparents have a hard time and use a calendar to follow on dates.

Drama queen much. It literally happens all the time people get bdays, names mixed up it’s soo normal this dilema is almost too funny to take seriously. I babysat my niece for two days and kept calling her by my cats name naturally o.O
Sue me

Hahaha DRAMATIC!!! Hell I can’t even remember my own kids first names half the time!! Seriously I’ll be looking one dead in the face n call them another name… Move on it’s consuming to much of your time.


Has it ever occurred to you that she may be in the beginning stages of dementia or that maybe something else is going on with her? I get my own children’s names mixed up sometimes and honestly, if someone came at me like you’re saying you did with her…it would be very regretful on their part. I’m glad she still wants to be around you…but I’m not so sure I would blame her if she didn’t for awhile.

Honestly birthday isn’t a thing I hardly remember anyone’s the name thing would have pissed me off but its also not hubby’s fault. He stood up n said she was wrong n corrected her. Your child had a right to be upset but dad had his back. None of this is hubby’s fault he can’t control his mum. Your perfectly fine feeling the way that you do but you have to remember it’s not him and it’s not in his control.


I have 3 boys. Sometimes I have to stop and think about their birthdays. She might just have a lot going on and didn’t mean any harm… don’t sweat the small stuff… family needs to stick together not fall apart over something so small… just my opinion :heart::heart:

My dad doesn’t even remember my birthday. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me with every fiber of his being. I help him by reminding him of everyone’s birthdays.

We know who the drama queen is in this story. Good grief

Hell my own mother forgets my birthday if it wasent for facebook reminding her she wouldent know. She doesent call my kids by their names she calls them nick names because things can be hard for her to remember. Im 38 and mix my own kids names up! As long as love is shown and she isent hateful why does it matter? Yes its very selfish!

And I’ve lost my mom, but the number of times she called me my daughters name and vice versa, or called my brothers by each other’s names, I couldn’t even count. And I’d take all the wrong name, birthday forgetting greatness just to have one more moment with her. You’re overreacting, they aren’t purposely being mean, and someday you’ll wish you could have it back.

Sheeeet, my own mom doesn’t even remember my middle name and can barely spell my first :sob: you gotta learn to pick your battles


My dad doesn’t even know the year I was born… let it go girl… :joy: pick and choose ur battles… middle name isn’t something worth all that. One thing I had to learn is other people will treat different kids differently… it’s not right but it’s guna happen. As long as they’re not treating ur kids bad don’t worry about it. People are going to have different bonds with people… it’s just how it is.


Don’t sweat the small stuff… I believe this generation expects to damn much from the grandparents! Just feel blessed that you’re alive and breathing.


I have 8 grands, a few birthdates i know but others i have to watch calender. Its not because i love some more than others and it upsets me that i cant remember them all.

Dude I got called by my cousins name until I was 34… I’m about to be 35 so let’s see what happens next year :woman_shrugging:t3:


Who cares. I forget my children’s bday names etc…

My brother and I are the only grandchildren and my Grammy used to call me by my mom and auntie’s names before she got to mine. That was well before her dementia kicked in. My grampa does the same thing. It’s way over dramatic to get worked up about a middle name, think about everything she’s had to remember in her life and all the things most moms tend to forget in a daily basis. Your kids wouldn’t even exist if she hadn’t had your husband so be grateful for that and cut her some slack :woman_shrugging:

God… my mom says all kinds of names before she gets the right one…:rofl::rofl::rofl: some time she will even mix kids with grand kids.


My sister’s and I all answer to each other’s names (there’s 5of us)…this sounds like jealousy on your part. Not big enough to make it bigger imo.

She said “I caused a righteous scene” :joy::joy::joy::joy: whattttt is this fr?!?!?!


Her kids are old. They weren’t just born. She should at least know the birthdays. Ppl pick and choose what kids are the favorites idc what anyone said. I’d be upset but wouldn’t cause a scene. It is what it is.


My kids are 15 and 5… my dad forgets how to spell their names… oh well he could call them George and it wouldn’t change how much he loves them when he comes to visit… grow up…


Is it not at all possible there is another more serious reason she’s so forgetful?

1 Like

Smh wow. You’re petty af.


You’re taking it too personal. Life is too short to be that angry. I only have 6 grand babies and I’ll call them different names a lot of times. It’s not intentional it just……happens. My DIL’s don’t get mad at me. In fact we laugh it off and make fun of me because I’m now turning into my mom and her mom too.

How good is her memory? My memory is terrible at 33. Does she love your child? If so, that’s all that matters.

I have ONE kid and forget his name every now and then :joy::skull: but also my grandma has 16 grandchildren and 1 great great grandchild and still knows all of our full names and birthdays :woman_shrugging:t2: ig it just depends on every person tbh don’t get butt hurt over that smh


Too much expectations is not good. :+1:t4:

You are are a child. The MIL is lucky you don’t wanna come around.


Don’t be mad. I ask people their own kids date of birth every day and 90% of them get it wrong. I doubt it was intentional.


Sorry but youre being a brat. Good thing this is the worst of your problems. Bless your heart. My ex motherin law and ex sister in laws tried to fight me when i was pregnant with my second son for god knows what… And you stopped talking to your mother in law cause she for git your kids birthday… Smh

Honestly it sounds like the beginnings of dementia. One name remembered another forgotten. Instead of getting pissed open you damned eyes because this may be a larger issue then your attitude.

You’re very immature. This is a YOU problem


Make her a calendar for Christmas this year. And only put your family birthdays on it with their name in bold. With a don’t forget to call sticker as a reminder


I think we can choose to fuss or get along. Why choose to be unhappy and spread it about?

I don’t think your over reacting unless the MIL has memory/cognitive issues but it seems to me like it’s more than just the name and birthday like it was the straw that broke the camels back. But I think for your own sanity just talk to the MIL and go from there.

I could understand being upset my parents only have 5 4 being mine and my dad can’t remember my younger twos name for the life of him and his never been good with dates so he has to be reminded of birthdays

You sound like a spoiled teenager.

Ur being pretty in my opinion. I have so many kids when someone ask me tbeir birthday if I don’t recite it in my head from oldest to youngest I forget and they are my kids. Give the lady a break

It’s sad how you’re
Concern to be the main atención instead of checkInt her about health,35 yeas are
Gone and it can take
Away so many
Memories,faces and Names…be more
Concern about her been a senior with possibly of developing a mental health or be victim
Of the aging…be king and don’t be the bitch at this history…you’re the one to move away her love ones.

I’m not reading all that, but based on the comments…no!! :joy:


Get her one as a Christmas gift and put thw whole family’s birthdays on so she can remember.


My mom did that my grandmall did that I do that all the time your takeing it way overboard if she hurts kids or something that harms them then you can be mad your the one that need to be understanding your day comeing you will forget thing you wont to be held at the same standards


Pick your battles. I grew up in a broken family and as a kid it did hurt to see my step grandma treat her blood grand children better than me but as a wife now, I’d chop it up as they old. Maybe mil does it to piss you off. Be the better person. And don’t let it effect your marriage. It’s not your hubby’s fault.

1 Like

Omgoodness what a cry baby :roll_eyes: seriously tho your looking for anything to be upset about and you have most likely rubbed off on ur kids if they too are easily offended over this nonsense


Absolutely not people forget every day have you never forgot anything

1 Like

But she doesn’t forget the other grandkids names…


I forget my own kids half the time lol


Girl bye over a name., go get your life. You looking for a reason to
Be mad


Sometimes you have to pick you battles. Older folks tend to not get names right not simply because they don’t care but because they don’t say them much!!:woman_shrugging: when you live close and are around more you tend to remember things but if you don’t you tend to forget some of my family don’t even know my children’s names at all and I’ve told them multiple times and even sent pictures with their names on them. Also have them on social media and they still get their names wrong!!! And don’t know their birthdays at all :woman_shrugging: honestly it doesn’t bother me as much as it did at first because I just let it go because I’m not the type of person that likes to have get togethers a lot with boo-coos of family members (I don’t get along with much family) and honestly like I said I’d just pick my battles names and birthdays are the least of problems and old age doesn’t help any with remembering things :woman_shrugging:

Why not just ask her? Communicate your frustration and her answer may surprise you!