I dont even remember my middle name. She probably has alot going on. My mom had dementia and couldn’t remember my bday on my bday. Was I hurt? Yea but I also understood.
Lighten up… We get to the point when our memory isn’t fuctioning in full process… I sometimes forget my kids bdays and names… I also have to have everything written and check daily what is coming up… I don’t mean to hurt anyones feelings…i live close to my grandbabies and love them dearly… Yet i still forget some times… Don’t be so harsh on the elderly… And expect your spouse to be as offended and you…
and help them build a special relationship with your husbands parents? Or did your children hear bitter complaints about how they were treated?IMO your reaction is far more damaging to your 19 year old son than his grandmother not remembering his middle name. I was brought up to show respect for my in-laws in honoring my husband.
I can understand why you are so upset. For many years my late mil tried controlling our lives. I flipped out royally a few times. The bottom line is this there could be a medical reason your mil don’t remember names and dates. Very common as we age. She doesn’t have to be your best friend but.life is so short. One day she will be gone. Don’t let those years slip by being angry.
What good does it do to be mad? Let it go. My mother in law was …difficult…Then she was just gone one day in a flash in a car accident. Boy, was I glad I kept my mouth shut all of those years! That’s the only mom your husband will ever have and one of 2 grandmothers your kids will have…
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If her bahavior with ur sons r loving kind n at par with the others u should be happy with that. If her treatment is selective then it’s hurtful. But u should ignore it since ur hubby ignores it n he probably doesn’t show it to encourage you. This only affects u n ur relationships. Why take such a burden? It’s actually between ur son n his granny. Don’t make him too sensitive about it with ur reactions. It will only make him sadder. Anger is no solution n she’s not going to change, but she might respond better to a soft n gentle reaction.
As we get older, we sometimes
Become forgetful. I am 78 and
Have been
Fighting
Memory more every day it seems! Please be kind to your parents! Its
Very embarrassing . Maybe gently reminder?
We used to give each one $50.
For birthdays.
Since we are retired with lots of meds, we aren’t able!
The “Golden years” are
No more!
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Umm, if Mom was mad at me after I turned 9 if was often Marilyn Katie Kerri, Marilyn’s my Sister, 19 years older, Katie’s my niece 9 years younger, and she was in her 50’s, her mind was very sharp until she died at 97. give her some slack, you are depriving your kids of their grandma for nothing.
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Oh my gosh, I have 10 grandchildren I love dearly, everyone of them…but here I’m thinking 
I can’t remember half of their middle names, and that’s also a set of twins. I sure hope my girls wouldn’t hold it against me!
This is a small issue to cause such anger in you. Examine yourself to see if there is anything larger but unspoken in your relationship with your MIL. I don’t know how old she is but forgetting those kind of things is normal with aging. Perhaps there is something else happening that you haven’t realized but have displaced your anger onto the name and birthday thing. I don’t know if this is worth all the family drama.
I myself would be mad just because my grandma when she was alive all the way up into her 80s had six kids and a hundred and something grandkids and I was one of the last grandkids and she still remembered my whole name even when I moved 7 hours away… I get mad at my mother-in-law for favoring two out of three of my kids because one of them isn’t fully hers but she’s been in his life since he was one and she gets excited for everything for the other two but not my oldest and I get furious…as a grandmother who only has four she should remember or at least try to make that effort but if she’s consistently screwing up then yeah I’d be pissed off too
I think you need to grow up. I am 67 and I don’t have but one grandchild but I have two grown sons and two brothers and I call them each other’s names. They pick and say I go down the line with their names. I think that happens to us even before we get older.
I doubt it was on purpose. What is her age and how is her health. I forget how old my daughter will be on her next birthday and I don’t think it offend her. We are older and have more I. Life to enjoy, grandchildren, life has changed so much for us. Please give her a beak and love her always.
I can’t remember my nieces and nephews birthdays…and why do you care so much…If you remember them then great…really?..more important things to worry about
I am 74 and I certainly can’t remember all grandchildren s middle names and I love them all some big us have terrible memory bit you can’t get over that I think you have more to worry about we are just older
This situation only has the power you give to it. Gently correct your MIL once and ignore if she doesn’t correct afterwards. Seems like she enjoys pushing your buttons.
I think it’s kind of petty. I have memory problems if I didn’t right my own Geandkids bdays down. I would forget them and they are my world
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Could it be possible your making to big of deal out of this. Alot of time I forget someone bday in my family. It happens. As far as middle name thats not a big deal. I dont think its something to ruin Everyone else reunion over or to be mean about. Maybe get her a Calander with bdays on it or something.
My mom sometimes doesn’t remember my own birthday. Honestly you need to let it go. If that is the worst she ever does I think your pretty lucky.
my husband’s Uncle makes us a calendar every year as a Christmas gift - everyone’s birthday is on the calendar - it’s sweet of him to do it and he adds little things to the calendar as well as enhancing holidays and birthdays
Wow! You sure are wasting a lot of energy over something that in the big picture sounds trivial. It really seems like you are keeping “tabs” on how she treats your kids compared to how she treats her other grandkids. That’s a really good way to get your nose out of joint. It is very hard to treat each grandchild exactly the same. If your MIL enjoys being around your kids when she has the opportunity, that’s the big plus! If you point out all the things YOU think are wrong about her, your children will definitely miss out on grandma relationships because they will pick up cues from you.
Once you moved away that changed everything. It happened to me. Get on with your life. Not worth being mad all the time.
Some people have toxic parents and some have toxic in laws. Explain to the woman person to person exactly how she is treating your kids and how this is making them feel and that it is detrimental to your kids and that if the behavior continues, you WILL take action (in other words…keep your kids away from toxic people) I have done this myself and it worked!
I would make a joke of it… Here we go Grandma’s forgotten again… Life’s too short… If she doesn’t remember… She doesn’t remember… You will be a Grandma one day… So you better remember their names… Oh and don’t forget the middle names either. Otherwise your DIL might get pissed and go to bead early…Joke…
I am a mother of five, all relatively close in age and we lived in the same house, many were the times a kid got called by the wrong name. That ended with whoever you are… Here take this! Everyone giggles about it all
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Life is too short to focus on forgetting names. We all start to forget things as we get older. Dementia sometimes starts without us recognizing it immediately. Preserving relationships even when it’s hard, building character in our children as they observe how we handle issues should be our focus.
I love all my grandkids and I know all their names and the months they were born but I do forget the actual day and year sometimes. As we get older it’s harder to remember things! Go easy on them! I’m sure they love them just as much!
i think you are overthinking this .i dont know some of my grandchildrens middle names so what ,cut her some slack.When i get a new calender at xmas i put all birthdays and anniversarys on so,i dont forget .listen life is to short to bother about stuff like that .
Why in earth does it matter that your MiL cannot remember middle names. Why do we have middle names,anyway, what use are they. I cannot understand why you would spend precious time brooding on such inconsequential matters. You sound so jealous. You chose to live a distance away, and are now upset because you MiL does not always remember dates,and names. You are causing your husband to choose between you and his mother. Big mistake and so hurtful to him. So many ways to improve this situation but you choose the immature way. In busy lives it’s easy to forget a date, and everyone I know has lapses of memory from time to time. Be the bigger person and stop taking this personally. You can turn this around if you really want to.Everyone concerned will be the happier for it.
Be like Elsa and let it go. Life is short. People make mistakes. You ruining every event after is YOU being childish. People make mistakes. Quit being a bully and co to using to make EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLE is passive aggressive and RUDE. be kind. Give a little. Do everyone a favor and LET IT GO even apologize for being a jerk face
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I’m assuming since your son is an adult that you are too. Pick your battles this one is not worth ruining what could have been good memories with family that can never be reclaimed.
Yes. You are crazy for expecting your husband to take your side. And also, to not realize that perhaps your MIL has early onset (or not) dementia. I’m 46 and at times can’t remember a name. And other names role right out my mouth. It would probably be most appropriate to have a civilized conversation with her, where maybe you can determine there is a bigger issue there. I’m not trying to be mean, but this seems very petty and sounds like a tantrum.
So you have a right to your own emotions but imho this is a bit ridiculous. These are tiny details, not like they actually forgot you guys existed. You can’t force strong bonds with other people, they form themselves naturally or they don’t.
Also, birthdays are great but not everyone can remember them. When they are reminded do they look genuine when wishing your kids a happy birthday? Cause that’s what matters.
Do they wish you ill? Are they telling your kids terrible things about you? Do they take them to get tattoos at age 9? Did they belt your kids? I mean these would be reasons to be truly angry.
My goodness maybe all my kids should leave me, i go through all the names and the dogs names and then eventually i will just point 
.
Count your blessings, your in-laws are normal humans.
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As a grandmother and mother-in-law I have this to say to the writer: GET OVER YOURSELF! Is your MIL decent to your kids when’s she’s with them? Does she talk trash about them or about you? As long as your kids are OK with her - and she with them - then pour yourself a glass of wine and go sit in the yard and relax. Life is way too short for all the drama you are creating. 
Maybe it wasnt intentional. Dementia could set in. Read up on the stages a sign is forgetting birthdays and names
Time is precious on this earth, don’t sweat the small stuff, at least she knows their first names. Heck I forget my own kids birthdays and have to think if asked. That’s your husbands mother, just respect that and him. The rest is small stuff.
Why be upset? I don’t always remember middle names and birthdays for nieces and nephews. There’s are bigger things to worry. Just be thankful that your children have her in their lives.
My in-laws never treated my kids the same. And now, many years later, there is no relationship between them & their Dad passed away 5 yrs ago
Seriously…life is too short to be upset over something like this. Teach your son that older people forget sometimes and then call her by some other name, not her own, and have fun with it. If it upsets her that you seem to not know her name then remind her of how that feels and tell her that’s how your son feels. If it’s important to her that you get her name right then calmly tell her it’s important to your son that she get his name right. Don’t be petty just use it as a teaching lesson.
My parents always called me by my older sister’s name. My grandparents had identical twins. My grandfather couldn’t tell them apart. My MIL lived 2 miles away & poured time & large sums of money into her other grands & greats while mostly ignoring my kids. All that came out of it was my kids never felt any connection to her. Life is too short & too stressful to create issues. Live your best life & don’t be distracted because someone else can’t remember birthdays & middle names.
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Your way wrong let it go to pass on your feeling to your son is wrong has she ever mistreated your child it’s a mistake let it go why carry it on your children will feel unloved not fair to them just stop…
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My grandmother have almost 70 grandchildren (my mom have 9 siblings)
She is now 70 and cant remember our names but she remember which parents we belong.
Please don’t expect your MIL who live far from you to remember every single thing about your kids. If she treat them good, its good.
Heck I often had trouble and still do calling the right son my his name. It is a joke in the family. If I saw one last, the next one I see will probably be called by the other’s name. Once in a while even the dog got his name in the mix. Been going on for 50 years. I’m getting older so I imagine I will start forgetting other important things like ages. If they’d just stop celebrating birthdays, I would be ok😁
Don’t be offended by her actions. She sees the others more often, it’s not an issue of loving one more than the other, just familiarity of frequent contact.
Hey babe…especially in this pandemic ppl tend to forget date n day of d week…u talking of names n birthdays…its ok …take it easy…no one does on purpose…wen u realise ur mistake ur kids vl prove you wrong…
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Sounds like she is having so issues you need to remember what happens as we age
My grandmother used to say “it” when addressing us as children. Like did you bring it with you, lol, when asking about siblings. I didn’t care and my Parents laughed about it. I see your point as a mom, but you know your children are loved. If your children see you upset, chances are they will be upset because you’re upset. Let it go, forgive, and enjoy your time with the family. Everyone makes mistakes and you will set the example for the children when they have families of their own. 
I think you have a right. She probably has a phone or ipad with a calendar, at least a paper calendar! It’s obvious she favors the other 2 grandkids. And the 2nd time she mentioned it she was stirring the pot it was obvious. You didnt overreact, you were your true self, and to remove yourself from her and retreat to your room was the exact thing to do. Shame on everyone for putting you down for standing up for your boys; way to go mama bear!! And for all you grandmas out there who dont know your grandkids’ middle names and birthdays—Shame on you!
My mom had 3 of us kids and we are all in our 20’s and she gets us mixed up. It happends. Dont stress it.
Let it go. Too much drama for the situation. Who cares what a middle name is? Some people are bad at remembering birthdays. The relationship with the grandparents shouldn’t be colored by your anger.
Once you lose someone you love you realize , such things as why did we argue about that ? Or why was I always on him about that, life is short, love your family , forgive often , don’t sweat the small stuff , don’t hold grudges. Once that person is gone you’ll understand what I’m saying . Just remind her kindly your child’s middle name . Call a week early snd remind her of the kids birthdays , just show love .
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All I can say is speak to your husband how differently his mother treats your children
Send her a calendar, maybe a Christmas gift, with all 4 of the grandchildren’s full names and birthdays on it. I have 8 grandchildren and 13 great grandchildren. I have them all on my calendar and have used that to remember all kinds of birthdays. BTW both of my parents and my in-laws are deceased and I would give anything to have them here just so we all could still love on them. Let it go and count your blessings that you still have them.
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Have YOU ever consideted she is having memory issues? You are not there every day to really know what goes on. Every thing is not aleays about us.
My mother called us by another siblings name. You are taking this way over the top. You are the problem. Don’t sweat the small stuff and if she gets a name wrong, look at your child with a giggly smile between you and explain to children that older people can’t remember everything. Geez Louise!!!
I do remember my mom use to call my grandson’s name instead of my son’s name i actually find myself doing it now calling my oldest ones name instead of the younger one
Possibly your reactions are causing her to distance herself. Kids are likely at a young age not going to notice unless you bring it to their attention. I agree with others she may be having some memory loss since she is not close. Life Is short enjoy it and pick your battles carefully.
Let it go it’s not worth the fight, doesn’t mean she don’t love your kids. All you are doing is fighting with your husband over something that means nothing. Maybe she has a memory problem you aren’t aware of yet.
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There are so many comments here, I doubt you see mine. Instead of continuing to make a fuss how about gifting her a calendar with all birthdays marked, with entire names in their appropriate places? Some people just have a hard time remembering. It’s not worth trading your peace over. Have a conversation to air out your feeling if you need to, and move forward.
I mean – I forgot my brother’s middle name. And I always forget whether my other brother’s birthday is the 15th or 16th. I do have a shitload of siblings lol. Sometimes things get confuzzled a bit.
She might just be having a hard time thinking clearly, you should cut her some slack or make her some art w the kids names and bdays
Life is too short to worry about such petty issues! If that’s the only issue you have with your MIL consider yourself lucky!
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I’m only 49 with 4kids& 2grandkids & I’m not sure I’ve always remembered, I’d be lost without having it all written down which by the way I haven’t so is hard but no I don’t their middle names coz I shouldn’t need to unless they expected me to use them & I fall out with my kids coz I even get other things wrong too so it’s a hard one
Honey I have 1 child. She is 32, married for almost 4 years and every now and then I’ll call her by the dog’s name. I swear I do. She has 2 dogs(no kids) and we have one. Some days I’ll holler for her but actually it’s the dog’s name. Lord help me when I get grandkids lol.
My mother knew both of my children’s name but when she wrote there names out she always spelled them her way Steven was Stephen and Kathy was with a C my kids understood that was her way and never got hurt over it , they even enjoyed that she remembered the names , she had 5 children and 11 grandchildren so we felt lucky that she still remember each one when she passed away , so deal with what ever you can handle and god bless she still here to even do that , my children remember that and enjoy the thought
As we get older, our memory goes. It’s with age, time, and medical or mental health conditions. Im 44 and I can’t remember 5 minutes ago. Lol. My advice is pick your battles
Seems petty. And to make the kid feel the same way is teaching him to be petty. Get over it.
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You are being unreasonable. And you are teaching your son to be unreasonable.
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This person needs their head examined….you’re complaining that your mother in law is forgetting your child’s middle name? Get a life….
Secondly, maybe your mother in law is getting dementia of some sort…my mil forgets things sometimes as does my own mother…but you freaking out about middle names is just plain dumb
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My.mother called the roll before she got.my name She would start with the oldest girl saying " Is that you E, no is that you R, no is that you M, no is that you B" We would have to tell her which one we were. About mid fifties she began.to get early dementia. We didn’t realize.what we was happening until much later. Quit being jealous and petty as you are? She probably dislikes you intensely. Get over yourself. You can change all that if you try to not.have such a largr chip on your shoulder.
Buy her a calendar, fill it up with birthday dates and names. A calendar is a great holiday stocking stuffer!
I think you are being mean. Like straight up mean. She’s older. Both of my parents starting occasionally forgetting birthdays in their 60’s. My dad is 75 now snd will forget his old businesses partners name that he worked with for 40 years.
Im 80 , and my children often ask my date of birth when doing papers, but Im not hurt at all.
I cant relate. I was very blessed with a step mother in law, who never forgot a birthday or any of the grandkids names. Btw she never made anyone feel that they werent hers even though we were a very blended family. The only advice I can give you is her behavior is hers alone unless you make it yours. Your behavior is yours alone. If your so uncomfortable around her dont make it a big deal just stay home.
You kinda sound like a brat. Teach and show your kids patience because you may be in the same boat later on in life. Everyone gets old or die young. Either way, make the best of it.
My MIL doesn’t know any of my kids bdays nor their middle names. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest as we rarely see her anyway. This, in my opinion, is not something worth wasting energy over. 
You’re the adult? Right ? And you had a grown ass temper tantrum because someone got a name or date wrong? Don’t go to.any more functions… not for yourself but for them.
Im almost 50 i have 7 grandkids 5 i see often 2 i dont see hardly ever because their parents ( my son and his gf) dont bring them around. I cant remember my grandsons middle name ever his bday i havent a clue my granddaughter i remember idk why. Now the ones i see often i only know the 2 oldest bdays i do not know the 3 youngest. I have a bad memory. Sometimes i even struggle on middle names but get them eventually. But i love them all with all my heart would give my life for theirs. So i do feel u being upset is a little silly. Who cares as long as she loves them and treats them good. But to cause a scene and remove your self from things over this is a little much. It wouldnt bother me a bit if my soon to be in-laws forgot my kids bdays which they do forget all the time just not something to get so upset over . my own mom and dad forget half the time their older it happens. Dont sweat the small stuff.
Before you get too upset stop and consider could she be having some age issues ? Some come earlier for certain people. I find children expect their parents to alway be the same but that’s not the case and aging happens to all of us.
I have 21 grandchildren 19 alive. Lost one little girl at 10 and another almost 21. I forget nearly all of them on their birthdays. Everyday is precious. Be grateful you have in laws Outlaws. One day you won’t. Just Get over it and enjoy the chance to be happy and grateful. For everything.! Lots of love. Yo u all.
Seems like the only oñe its hurting is you maybe its an agé thing (mind) I dó the same thing and I see my kids , grandkids alot .
Ever stop and think there could be an underlying neurological issue? What if she is in the first stages of Alzheimers. Forgetting things bit by bit. It doesn’t happen all at once. And here you are throwing a tantrum instead of investigating. You don’t know what you don’t know. And rather than having an upfront honest discussion and getting to the root- whether being thoughtless or starting to earnestly forget things you’ve opted to storm out and cause strife. What good did your behavior do regardless of what’s going on with your MIL. It just seems like you are looking hard for a reason to be upset. Life is hard enough. I get being hurt but this has got me thinking she might have serious problems and you’re too focused on being offended. …
Make a calendar with photos and birthdays of ALL her grandkids. Hope this will relieve you of grudges and soften your heart.
My husband can’t even remember the kids Birthdays lol. Life is to short.
This is the family your husband grew up in. He might be used to his mother’s perceived view of favoritism because it might have been going on when he was a child.
You have a problem. Lol. Older people have sooo much stuff accumulated over time in their brain . You think your kids are the first for their brain to absorb? You will understand when you start thinking about better things or other real problems to think about.
Anger is punishment you give yourself because of someone else’s mistake feel it and let it go
I think your over thinking it a little, not everyone remembers birthdays to the same degree as others, my mom has 4 grandchildren and still has to write them down, because sometimes without “thinking about it” people forget, as far as the middle name, come on give her a break, she was off by 1 letter, do not be offended by every little thing, make an effort and realizes its a couple small mistakes not worth the end of a relationship
Me and my husband lost our parents very young so our kids grew up without grandparent. You should feel like a really rotten person for acting the way you are. I would give anything to have my parents or even my mother or father in law. My children would have given anything to have grandparents ( I hated how sad they would be when it was grandparents day at school ) I forget birthdays, call the kids and grands the wrong name, I am getting old heck I forget my name some days. Someday your kids will be married and you could be blessed with a daughter in law just like you (remember that). Not everything revolves around your feelings, think about how you over reacting is affecting your husband, his family, and most important your children. One last thing what are you teaching your children by acting this way?
My grandmother use to go thru roll call with us 4 older grandkids
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Well what the heck is your husband supposed to do?
So, the issue here is your mother-in-law seems to love her other grandkids more than yours. There’s nothing to be done about it. Being butt-hurt and throwing tantrums won’t help.
Focus on the relationship with the other grand parents and behave yourself.
I honestly call out my children’s names until I get to the right one. I have also gotten my own kid’s middle name out of order. I would let it go…
Unless there’s more underneath this, it makes you sound petty.
My parents have 7 grandkids and and they all get called different names. 2 which live with her certainly. Even us the parents call them a different name.
You can create all kinds of scenarios as to what why where when, but its never what it seems. Forgetting your kids middle names or one birthday isnt a crime, maybe if you were around each other on a daily basis it might become apparant why?
Really you are upset by this? You must have the most amazing life. Give your MIL a break. Maybe she is having memory issues. If not it still isn’t worth all of your anger. Life is short. Live love and forgive.
Well it’s not you are mad about your mother in law you just don’t like her your kids don’t have anything to do with it but tell the truth don’t go around telling people it’s about your kids just say I do not like the woman easy
I would be less happy about birthdays than remembering a middle name. I say pick your battles.
It is very childish to lose families over trivial things like forgotten names and birthdays.
My father always got my sister and I mixed up even though we don’t look like in or 10 years difference and he would always call us my middle name
Then with all the granddaughters he calls them all dolly that way he doesn’t get them mixed up at all
In fact my granddaughter told him her name is not Dolly and we explain to her he calls all the granddaughters Dolly
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She could be having some memory issues. This is common if the middle name is not used all the time. If she asked the question she could be testing her memory.
Yes, you are crazy for letting this bother you. Holy shit, to have such problems!!??? You owe them all an apology. Period.