I really feel that you are making this way bigger than it is. She is older and when we get older, we forget things! Does she treat you and your children good? Is she living to all of you? That is what is important. We o lay have our Moms and Dads with us for so long. Don’t let her last years on Earth being estranged from her family. I think this is more about you than her.
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I am 75. I can still remember 18 grandkids birthdays and middle names and 5 great grandkids . I’m just thankful I’ve had good memory. Some people just don’t nothing to get this upset over . Enjoy life
How about giving mil and others in family a calendar for Christmas each year with names and birthdays written in.
You can even get them printed with photos on the birthday month as a visual reminder.
And lighten up!
Your behavior is far more troublesum than her memory. It makes me wonder if YOU don’t have a mental disorder . Life is busy and it’s common to forget things by the time you have grandchildren. I bet your behavior was hurtful to your in-laws.
I have 4 grandchildren, I know their names and birthdays. It’s a matter of what is important, but for your sake, don’t dwell on it, it is her loss. Make sure your boys realize how valuable they are. My dad can’t get my name right, and I guarantee he doesn’t know my kids birthdays or middle names, and he has no clue about his great grandkids. So I do understand.
Your husband, her son will always give his Mom grace that you may not understand. Please do not let those things ruin your marriage. Express your dismay and pray for a resolve that will be beneficial to you both
What a storm in a teacup, o.k. You’re miffed cos you don’t think your children are as important as their cousins to your mum in law, she sees them more often but it doesn’t mean she loves them more it’s just familiarity. I think you need to grow up and be the better person and set a good example . Storming off , sulking etc is childish behaviour
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Perhaps your MIL suffers from memory loss of some sort and because she does not see the children often, she does forget. Unfortunately for your kids, she will not live forever. Forgive and move on, help the kids make memories with her. In the end, that is what is important. Do it for your husband, he will appreciate it so much.
Life is too short! We are all forgetful at times. Cherish every moment with those you love. Life can change so fast!
Perhaps there is some dementia creeping in…older people often forget such details…especially of people they don’t see as much as others
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Yourself you are a difficult person it seems you pick annoyance from every particular thing…in life not everybody is like you if you are good at remembering birthdays and names she is not so please I think you are not happy with yourself that is why you accuse the mother in law…Check yourself you are the problem
I have 8 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren. I remember their birthday when my phone or their parents remind me. I don’t remember any of their middle names except for 1, her middle name is my mom’s name. Don’t make such a big deal out of the situation!
Is it possible that she’s having some memory loss? Or maybe, your children need to spend more time with her. Show some kindness and respect. Did she sound like she was being deliberately forgetful? I’m sure she wasn’t. Get a grip mom, senior moments happen…
Just keep correcting her. She has issues. You don’t have to make them yours anymore because she knows now. For your husband ease up now. Trust me things could be sooooo much worse. Good luck.
I call my only son by my dog’s name often. He takes it in strides. I take it in strides. We are human and make mistakes. It sounds to me you are looking for a reason to be upset with her. Maybe you are resentful for the time she has spent with the other grandchildren and I can understand that but take a real look at your response it speaks more about the kind of person you are choosing to be and less about the kind of grandmother she is.
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Your strong reaction seems to be based more in a jealousy of the BIL family. Please do the work and try to understand why you are having these feelings. When your children are grown, they will benefit from you being a positive role model in their formative years.
My MIL called my girl to the likes of her eldest Daughter-in-law’s name and me to the likes of her grandson (son of this DIL). We are Chinese, so some of the pronunciation may sound a bit similar. When she called me wrongly, I pretend I didn’t hear her till she corrected herself. If she asked, I’d tell her she called my nephew instead of me, just to hint that she got my name wrong again. And btw, she lived with them and are her favs.
I don’t think you have a right to be mad. I think you are being a royal pain in the neck and making every ones life uncomfortable with your childish behavior. Grow up. If this is the worst thing that ever happens to you you’ll be a very lucky woman. What kind of a lesson are you teaching your son? To sulk over such a trivial thing. So childish.
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Ha its worse when u forget your own kids middle name. But in all seriousness I never remember birthdays and middle names. You get little gift birthday calendars that you can give with all the birthdays names including yours and the rest of the family
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I cant believe you would get so upset over that!! I love all my grands and great grands! Do you think I can remember all their birthdays! NOT does that mean I love them any less…Not even. Yes, it is easier to remember some better than others. Some have a connection Like oh they were born on St Pats day or something. Does that mean you love them more! Come on lady there are so many more important things to worry about
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I adore all my grandkids, and still forget their middle names sometimes. How does she treat them when she’s around them? It the answer is, lovingly and nicely, then I don’t see the problem.
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Maybe she’s developing some type of dementia.
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Depends on how old your MIL is. Maybe she has real trouble remembering. I see my youngest grandkids often so I remember everything but my 2 older ones live far away, don’t get to see them unfortunately but I do have a hard time remembering how old they are especially the younger of the 2. Unfortunately it just happens, and maybe she feels embarrassed about it. Maybe down deep inside it bothers her as well
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By the sounds of it it’s isn’t so much that she forgets names and birthdays. It’s that she only forgets her kids names and birthdays. She remembers everything about her other grand children. I think that is what she is pissed about. I would be too. I would feel she doesn’t care about my kids as much as her other grandchildren. Now if she was the same with everyone then I wouldn’t worry about it. Grandmom is the problem.
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Maybe she has some early dementia starting. Or, it could be just that she has a lot of grandchildren to remember. When my husband & I were dating, his mother told me his birthday was Nov. 10th (which was actually his younger brother’s birthday). My husband’s birthday is Nov. 15th!. In her defense, she had 12 boys. We all had a good laugh over it! It was understandable…
My OWN parents, THAT NAMED ME … have forgotten MY middle name COUNTLESS OF TIMES. lol. THE ONLY REASON THEY CAN REMEMBER MY DAUGHTERS is because she’s named after my niece. Lol .
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Lord. Not even my husband knows our kids full name or birthdays. It’s a good day if he gets the first name right. My mom doesn’t even know all that. I hate that people are expected to remember names birthdays of everyone. Even if they are grandkids.
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I wouldn’t take it to heart. I made my grandmother a birthday calendar and my grandparents have lots of grand babies too. The older they get the more forgetful they are naturally. I’d never hold it against anyone! I know they love us so much!
You are embarrassing. My paternal grandmother died when I was 21 or 22. Every single birthday card from her has my name spelled WRONG. 22 birthdays and she always got it wrong.
She wrote every ones birthday on her calendar each year so she wouldn’t forget anyone.
You went too far and need to help you’re son see the humor it lol I will never know why my granny spelled my name wrong but it was not a personal thing.
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I think you were wrong!! You could have gently, joking corrected her… I am 74, 5 grand kids : 3 great, yep I get their names mixed up, call them each other, jokingly is it time for the nursing home? We all laugh…birthdays, I have to use a calendar, if they ask me, I may remember a different one each time…
Or give a wrong date? Who cares?? I love each one of them, for spec memories we shared!
She’s prob now trying to be extra careful, stressed out… let it go and hug her…no big deal!! You made a big deal out of nothing!
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My grandmother never called me by my right name in the 40 years I knew her. She still loved me
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Some times with age is forgetfulness (or even full dementia). Some people have a hard time remembering things they used to remember when younger. So try not to take it personally. Even at my age now I already find memory to be not so good as it once was.
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I have only 5 grand kids remembering their first name is good for me . I also remover their birthday dates. My dad was never good at names. I would not stress out about middle names . Don’t sweat the small stuff , at least she removers their first names. Does she hug the kids , of so that’s great
I’m 69 and I am always calling kids and grandkids and great grandchildren by the wrong name. Middle names and birthdays are a whole other problem. My children who live close are easier to remember. But I also don’t drive any distance much anymore. My kids just laugh at me and tell me it is just the dementia when I make a mistake. I laugh back at them and tell them, just wait, your turn is coming. Life is just too short to be angry and hold grudges.
There is no “rule” all family members must be treated equally -
I wonder - did you encourage your children to love and appreciate their grandparents did you teach them to show affection for their grandparents
It would be a wonderful gift to provide her a book or plaque with names, first, middle names birth info, I would even provide those she knows so it is all in one place. My daughter gave me a plaque like that with hearts. I love it and refer to it when I have trouble remembering year born, I have nine grandchildren and four great grandchildren!
Lol I was the 2nd youngest grandkid… my gramma would always forget who was who so she’d start with her oldest child then move down the list chronologically through her kids and grandkids till she got to you and then stop at your name. 
I miss that and I miss her
You are overreacting eh. It’s not a big deal.u have to understand that she sees the other kids more. So she rmbrs their name n birth dates. Just coz a person forgets name or birthday does not mean u forget all the good things you had between you and ur MIL
You can only control your own emotions and reactions. Do you want to be hurt and angry and pass all this on to your children and husband, or could you find your sense of humor and tolerance and gently remind your in laws of their errors. Everyone, including you, would be happier and more relaxed. Let it go, and focus on what is important—love and relationships. We are all human, not perfect.
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You can’t change another’s behavior. Choose to be happy and kind. My 2 boys have always been treated differently than my daughter and the other grandkids. No idea why. Frustrating. They are all grown and in their 30s. My boys are educated, successful and happy maybe more so than the others. They were loved sooooooo much by me and their Dad growing up. My Mom is 93 now. Same same same. Sad. My parents loss.
You are nuts! And blowing everything out of proportion!
She knows more about the other kids, because they are around daily. If its an easy drive… How often does your 19 yr old drive it? How often do you drive it?
My 19 yr old see my mother in law at least once a week. Maybe even more then I do with my littles. Because, I am busy and she is busy. But its still at least once a week. Because we BOTH make the extra effort.
My family (parents are gone, but lots of other family to see) is farther away. About an hour. And its hard to see them! Usually I try once a month, but I can’t always make it, as i wouldn’t expect them to drive to my place once a month. We can only do what we can do. They may not know my children as much as their other aunt’s or uncles, but they love them. And sometimes they forget things. That expected, cuz i forget things too.
You are the problem. You need to lighten up a bit. Why would you go to something with that attidu and expect it to be an amazing time, when u refused it from the start…
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Angry over not knowing kids middle name!! I have 8 grand and 3 great grandson and could not tell you any of their middle names. In fact I just about remember my own kids middle names. Life is too short and after this past year and a half get a life!!!
You’re being petty. I sometimes forget my grandchildren’s middle names. I’m getting older and forgetful, yet I’m not even 60. Give them a break. They’re getting older and you don’t know what she’s going through. Trust me, it sucks to forget such important things. For your kids sake, take them to see their grandparents. They won’t be around forever.
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My mom sometimes forgets my exact birthday and middle name. I don’t get mad or cause a scene.
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My mother would call every name before she’d get to the right name. We would laugh about it. She would say, “keep on living”. Now, that I an 71, I find myself, doing the same thing. I now understand, what she meant by that statement.
I don’t no my twin sisters kids middle name, or there birthdays.
There are far more important things to worry over.
Get on with life, you don’t see them enough to let it consume your every waking thought.
What if your husband stormed off if your parents called your kids names wrong, you wouldn’t be happy with him making a hoo har around your familys home,
Be the same , chin up and move on
Honey listen my child and grandchildren are here cloths am 66 I’m lucky to remember my son’s an husband’s so dont b upset just remind her life to short for all this madness
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Honestly, this day and age, there are so many ways for her to remember names and birthdays. My grandma remembers my kids names and birthdays and she has at least 13 great grandkids! So unless she legit has some issues that are effecting her memory, I don’t see why she can’t accurately remember the 4 she’s got. I would be upset, but im not going to go to the extent you have! I would just stay quiet and definitely would say something to my hubby. Maybe even have a Christmas gift idea with the kids names and birthdays on it!
Sounds like a petty thing to be mad about. If she is good to your kids why get mad over that. As a senior you don’t know what its like to have to remember all the little things
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My mum passed away from dementia. For years before she was diagnosed I was so irritated by her actions. I’m an only child and at the end she knew nothing. She spent the last five years non verbal. Not being able to do a thing for herself. I’m almost 60 and I’m getting forgetful. The thought often crosses my mind that my mum was around this age when she began getting on my nerves. History is repeating itself as my daughter who lives local constantly complains " I told you that . Why do you keep asking?"
Send her a reminder so she doesn’t forget and get over your fine self!! There are too many names/birthdays in ones life to remember every LITTLE thing! Yes that’s her grandchild and yes they are important to her especially if your husband means soo much to her… it’s simply lapsed memory have you ever forgotten something important?? Birthday, appointment, plans with friends or SO, most likely yes, so cut her some slack!! I still call people to remind them of birthdays 
in turn your helping them and the kindness is spread to your children 
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Who cares what her relationship with your kids is,you shouldn’t, all that matters is your relationship with your children. I love my cousins kids like they are my own,shes not much of a kid person so her bond to my kids is nothing compared to mine with hers.let it go it’s her loss for not bonding with your kids.
As a grandmother of 4,. And. MIL to 2. I sometimes will go thru the whole role call. I can be looking at one and thinking of something else and call them the wrong name. But I do know all their names and birthdays. But I also have a sister in law who has dementia. And that’s when we noticed her episodes starting when she couldn’t recall names of close family members. Something to keep in the back of your mind.
Sorry but you are making way too big of a deal out of this. Then sitting in the corner pouting. Great example for your kids. They look to you for guidance and you are teaching them to be overly sensitive.
Seriously if that’s the worst thing tour MIL has done consider yourself lucky. 
Also keep in mind as your children are getting older so is she. I’m sure her memory isn’t what it used to be and since you don’t live close she doesn’t see then as much and get the “reminders.”
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Kind of a petty reason to act like you did. You will see as you age that you do forget things. Birthdays and names are one of the first things to go. Especially if you don’t hear that whole name all the time. I call my grandkids the wrong names all the time! I think you’re just feeling jealous since your move. They can’t help to be more informed about the kids that are around here more. We love all our grandkids equal but if they’re around more it seems like they’re favored
I forget the dates of my grandchildrens birthday and tell my children to remind me beforehand 9 grandchildren get mixed up my son once sent me flowers on his brothers birthday mines august sent them october so it happens
My mama would go through nearly all six of her children’s names before she got the right one. We laughed and named it roll call.
I would never deprive my children of a relationship with their grandparents and if taking them to see the grands was the only way to preserve that relationship, then that is what I would do.
Children take the their cue from parents, so the kid would probably not be upset, except he saw mom get upset.
When the dispute is about them, kids will blame themselves for these rifts in family, even if it is not their fault. They internalize it and feel as if the feud is all because of them.
Time for mom to stop making it about her feelings and dividing the family.
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Not a big issue…we laugh at this …my mom forgot my birthday…3weeks later she said when is your birthday…I call my son by his nephews name every time and the nephew the uncle’s name… everybody just laugh…life is tooooo short for this…
Wow. Grow up. The in laws are older, they slip. Your child reacted hurt because he hears how offended you are on a constant basis. Relationships work both ways near or far. Put in the effort, apologize for overreacting and do better.
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My mother has five daughters and she’s always confused our names. Maybe give her a little grace on this one and reassure your children that they are loved.
my mom all out forgets my kids and husbands names, we have been married over 20 years, our kids are 20 and 18 she will refer to them as your daughter, your son, your husband, if she does remember their names she wont spell them write or know there middle names, I just suck it up, she knows everything about my sisters kids but she also lives with them,
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If this is the only complaint you have, you are a very lucky woman
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My mom forgets birthdays all the time and forget middle names. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t love them and with the other children well she sees them so it’s easier to recall. Don’t forget someday you may start forgetting also
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One other thing older people find challenging is when they are expected to remember kids’ names with unconventional spellings. Is it Brynlee/Brynleigh/Brinley? Carson/Carsyn/Karsin? Jasmine/Jasmyn? Just lighten up & show some grace or is it grayce? 
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We were married 25 yrs when my MIL died. 25 yrs, she treated our 3 kids, as less than, compared to her other 5 , til the day she died. Why…she didn’t like me. Repeatedly, she was asked by my hubby, why she treated us so badly. She said, " I don’t like HER ". Never explaining WHY she had to pass that on, to 3 innocent kids. Right before she died, my husband asked her , 1 last time, to PLEASE tell him, WHY she hated me SO much , ( as he knew, I’d done NOTHING to deserve it ). ( Often, even trating her better, than her own daughter did ). Her response , to my hubby / her son ??? " Idk why. I just do. But, I love you ". He said, " sorry mom. That’s not gonna fly . IF you loved me, you’d have never done this. Especially for so long. You’ve hurt my family , & my innocent kids, for way too long, to expect a free pass , from me, ust cuz you’re dying now. You should’ve been apologizing to us ALL. ". They never spoke again. Lesson:. The more disrespect you accept , tolerate, & make excuses for, the worse it will get. Our kids are 30, 36, & 38… now. She’s been gone since 2008. They are still hurt by her hatefulness , & that we, especially their dad, tolerated it, for so long . And no, she wasn’t senile or with dementia. She was just hateful.
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My mother in law has dementia really bad and it was little things like this that started showing us something was wrong. I am not saying that is your case but do consider it. Also for your families sake is it really worth The fight? Let your kids decide if they want to nurture this relationship. It’s is ultimately up to them.
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Too much energy to be angry, mil may be experiencing early onset dementia, don’t waste the days being mad.
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As I’ve aged I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. If no one is ill or doing drugs or alcohol the rest is small stuff and not worth stressing over. I have four sisters and as a kid I learned to answer to any name my parents called as they often called us each by the wrong name. It often went like this, Sharon, Marsha, Donna, Julie, I mean Helen. As adults now we tease them by pretending they’ve got it wrong even when they get it right. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Be grateful they are still alive and healthy. You will miss them when they are no longer here.
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Get over it. It’s not important. She’s old. Don’t read a lot of “stuff” into nothing. People’s brains often fart. I once knew someone who never missed an opportunity to be offended. Her life kept getting sadder and sadder and her world became narrower and narrower. Get a sense of humor and learn to forgive! Teach your kids to do the same. Nurture a generosity of spirit that will light up that small dark place that your world will otherwise become unless you quit taking offense. People need love and forgiveness. Love and forgive them.
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Just wondering when was the last time your sons called her or went to visit her on their own. They are old enough to call her and share their lives with her. It is a two way street. If they don’t make an effort why should she.
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My Grandmother would always get our names mixed up. She would go through my Aunt’s and cousin’s before getting to mine, and sometimes the kids she babysat too. I would just laugh at her and tell her what my name was and she would say “I would get there eventually.” I would do ANYTHING to hear my Grandmother call me anything but my name. She passed away almost 6 yrs ago. I was blessed to spend every day of her last two weeks with her and watch her room glow a bright yellow as she took her last breath. I know where she went without a doubt. She was the kindest, gentlest, loving woman you would ever meet. All the kids called her Gram including the dozens she babysat over the years while helping my Grandfather with his rubber stamp business.
Yes, my mother would go through each of our names and the dogs’ names, and my dad had to be reminded of our birthdays. They are both gone now and I would give anything to hear their voices again no matter what they called me!
I understand you are upset but in her defense I too have a hard time remembering things. My memory gas really gotten worse the last few years. I can’t remember birthdays or even how much or what the last gift was. I try to keep all of the grandkids amounts the same if we give money but I just simply can’t remember. I’m 62 if that helps.
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This just seems way over the top. To leave and cause a scene over forgetting dates or a middle name? Especially if she is a nice woman and you know she wasn’t being malicious. If you felt uncomfortable visiting, you did that to yourself by over-reacting. You should have apologized earlier. Also it’s almost expected that she is closer to the grandchildren that are there more often. It isn’t intentional, it just happens naturally because they all know each other better. If you lived 90 mins, then moved even further away what did you expect? And the fact that your son is now sour is on you as well because he is taking in your negativity. Sometimes you need to look in the mirror and admit you have faults too.
Heck i forget how old my oldest grandson is somewhere in his early 30s,had to ask my son what date my youngest grandson i know it’s in June i remember i use to forget my son’s birthday when he was little my mother use to curse me out everytime 
Just remember they are your children,you know more about them than anyone on the planet.no doubt you have friends and family who do know their given names, cherish the people who cherish you and those that don’t are loosing out .
It isn’t anything to be that upset about. Yes you want your children to be as loved as the others but because she doesn’t remember middle names or birthday’s doesn’t mean she doesn’t love them as much. She of course is going to be closer to the ones that live near her. Dont sweat the little things. Also as people get older their memory isn’t as good.
My gran never got my name right. But I knew she loved me. I never get my own kids names right and I am 45. I love them all to bits, I just find it hard to recall names accurately and have Fibromyalgia. Please cut her some slack. She had the courtesy to ask you if she had the right middle name. To me that is kind. It sounds to me like you are waiting to be offended so you can have an excuse not to relate to someone who you find very difficult to relate to. I suspect that I would find a person who you describe as such very difficult to relate to as well. Sounds like OH is finding it all very difficult and frustrating too. Hope you find a way to deal with your feelings. Perhaps ask OH how he deals with it
I get this, and I get people forget and also call people by their sibling’s names. That being said, I’ve been in this position (not with my MIL who is the best, but other relatives) and for me, and I suspect you (pardon my assumption if it’s wrong) your heart hurts more for your child. Which is valid and the way it should be.
I think you need to be the bigger person and let it go. My Mum occasionally forgets what age I am, I make a joke of it and let it go. If it makes you feel better, explain to her and your husband in a calm manner why you’re upset and then let it go
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I’m 66 and Love all my grand children , but remembering the middle name is hard because you don’t hear it very often . And I know the month of birthday and mix dates up a lot. My husband at 77 can’t remember it at all. Maybe it age . Don’t mess up your family love over this small stuff just keep reminding them . As far a name when mine are together I alway say the wrong name at first then go thur the roll it just comes out wrong . I know their name but minds get mixed up , everyone of 8 kids start with a “K”. It’s not worth it being upset I’m sure it’s not personal.
Reminds me of my great grandma (had 8 children) and grandmother. A lot of grand kids and great grandchildren. Both grand parents were very young. I grew up seeing them multiple times a week. They would run down every child in order until they got to the right name. This happened to all us. I doubt my great grandmother remembered my middle name. I guess if it’s something you grow up with you just roll with it. I do understand you being hurt though. I am just saying there’s a lot of things to be upset about. You have the right to be bothered. I just don’t know to what extent that you take it.
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I need help remembering exact dates of birth of all my grandkids. All eight of mine have birthdates within a 3 month time span. As you age you can’t remember as well as when you were younger, and if you’re in laws are still working and have home chores to do its not easy. If there’s a father in law in the picture he should be considered guilty too. Why should the women be solely responsible for remembering everything? Men have brains too. My husband and I are in our 60’s but still have to work. Getting old is no piece of cake, you’ll find out one day.
It IS easier to remember when you see some more because those ones have a way of reminding u via themselves or sibs or ‘plans’ for crying out loud! You are being cruel
How about having a conversation with your mother in law and explaining that it hurts your feelings when she can’t remember important stuff about your kids. Ask her why she can’t remember. Sometimes the direct route is the best route. There may be a logical explanation.
You’re making it hard on your husband putting him in the middle. Im sure he loves his mother and I would bet she loves your children and is not doing this on purpose. Suck it up for family’s sake.
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I am so glad my family does not get mad at me because I forget names and birthdays. Some people just do that and they don’t mean any harm. And who cares about a middle name unless you call the child by their middle name! Have a heart. We got our own kids names mixed up also and now we are grand parents and not getting any younger! Some may not have this problem but some do! One has a Birthday on Oct 14 and one on Nov 15 or is it the other way around and one has a bd on Nov 1 and another on Dec 1 Oh Lord help me remember which one is which??? And I call Garrett Easton and Easton Garrett all the time. All I can really remember is they are my grandsons and I love them both!!!
You say your son is almost 19 so I am guessing she’s not that young of a lady. You also have said that she has always seen the other son’s children much more frequently. It’s understandable that she may not remember names or birthdates.
When I was about 10, we went to visit our grandparents. My grandfather was nearly blind. My cousin and I were almost the same size, I was taller, but we both had the same hair color and both of our hair was long down our backs. He looked at me and said are you: Bessie’s or Ruby’s. I told him then the 3 of us had a nice conversation. My feelings were not hurt. He was not only elderly but almost blind.
Your MIL didn’t forget your son’s first names even though she forgot the birthdate. That could be easy to do if she has more than a couple of grandchildren.
Forgive her. She did not forget on purpose. After all, it meant a lot for her to be there during the birth. You can bet she still loves him the same.
Do need to get over yourself… she might have early dementia, and not seeing your family as frequently as the others ,she’s forgotten names and B’days. You need to show compassion and understanding. Your MIL may be very scared and doesn’t know why she isn’t or can’t remenber things.
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I can not believe that an adult would behave in this childish, immature manner. No she does not have a “right” to be mad. That is totally selfish, and certainly making a statement about herself more than the mother-in-law. My advice: grow up and start acting like an adult.
You are making too much of a fuss and causing discomfort to your husband that isn’t necessary…try instead to fill your life with kindness and joy and let the little things go…everyone will be happier.
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I’ve got 5 kids…4 of which are girls…I get their names mixed up… sometimes I’d call at least 3 of their names before I get it right, I’m also very much ashamed to say I forgot two of them birthday the same year… single parent working two jobs, it wasn’t easy. It’s no biggie(imo)
My grandma had horses too and didn’t like to drive. We lived about half an hour away. They never came to our birthday parties nor did we get Christmas gifts from them. I know she loved us because when we visited there, her face lit up and she always gave us home cooked food. It never occurred to me that she should know our middle names or give me / us anything. If anything, it was our job to give her happiness when we visited. I think you might possibly be over reacting.
Your children will follow your lead. If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed. Let it be and be happy. 
Let it go. Don’t hang on to any negative energy. This is on HER Don’t take this on. Love your family and your children. Show them how to handle this with patience and love. Be there example. Love your family and continue to be an amazing mom❤️
And just how much do your kids spend talking with her…do they pick up the phone and call her just to say hi…so she is forgetful…just pray you live long enough to become forgetful
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The poster makes a big deal out of nothing and then wonders why grandma didn’t visit them often when they were nearby. Of course she remembers the kids name whom she meets/talks to more frequently… this is especially true if grandma is really old … She could just tell the grandma or hubby she is upset and sad instead of being a drama queen. She is acting like a kid.
Be kind. Kindness in any event,is always the best course of action.
You caused a righteous scene?!? You left swearing you’d never come back and went to a hotel?!? What?!? Your husband didn’t speak to you comfortably because that type of behavior is embarrassing. I’ll bet you sat awkwardly. 
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If you are really that upset get a card and write their full name and birthdays including the year. As we get older not everyone has a stellar memory. Bringing it to her attention will only make her feel uncomfortable. Just tell her you know you don’t see her as often as the rest of the kids but thought the card would help her remember without having to guess. I am sure she wouldn’t do it intentionally. Even when I talk to my grown children I sometimes go down the list of their names until I get to the right name. Don’t let something like this ruin a relationship with you and the kids. One day parents aren’t around anymore and you don’t want to remember your relationship with petty mistakes. Teach your children to realize it is not on purpose if they notice it. They learn to respond the way parents do. Be glad you have a husband and his family for your children to love too!
I mix up my own childrens names! So did my mom! We both only had 3 kids. I think it’s an age thing!