I have more to be concerned about than that. I don’t always get my great-grand kids name straight and I may call my grandkids by another ones name when I’m talking to them but not often. If they are offended they never show it. At least my husband never called me by another woman’s name. 
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I have 14 grandchildren & 16 greatgrandchildren…I have a list of middle names & birthrates & their current ages…wgen you are older it’s hard to keep track regardless if I see them often or 1 a year…cut the MIL a break it may not be deliberate…she just sees more of some than others & not being done on purpise
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Just get over it, as an older person, if not reminded daily I CRS. The grandchildren that live near her stay in her today brain cells, so that is why she remembers more of their lives. If yours lived near her it would be the same. I have 16 grands, and some live in other states. So I tell them no more birthdays but when they come visit me we will go shopping and out to lunch and all sorts of things. Be the one that helps her remember, not the one who shames her for forgetting…
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Both my parents and my husband parents are deceased… we lived the farthest away from any of them but I never had an issue with who loved who the most…I have 8 grandkids most live away I would forget their birthdays if I didn’t mark them on the calendar…just be happy the grandparents are still alive…don’t u or your kids miss out on visits as they won’t be around forever!
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Promote her relationship with your children- they will only have a grandmother for a short time- forget that she forgot and help her remember
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You sound like a spoiled brat to me. Everybody doesn’t have the greatest memory and then you expect your husband to distance himself from his family. Would you stop having anything to do with your family if hubby didn’t like them. Stay home and fume all by yourself. Find something worthwhile to complain about.
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How can you get mad that someone doesn’t remember something. Not everyone has a great memory. I have 6 grandchildren and often forget the actual date of their birthdays when asked off the top of my head. I babysit 4 of them all week long and see my other two at least once a week. I don’t fault myself for not remembering. They are so very loved. Whether or not we remember specifics like age and for a moment names at grandparent age is no fault of our own. You also said she had no one to take care of her horses so how could she come visit. Give her a break. Maybe focus on why you are so bitter and realize not everyone is the same and that doesn’t make them a bad person.
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Why are you asking if you have a right to be mad? You have already decided that you do, and have caused chaos accordingly. You should be asking how to forgive and help repair these relationships, including with your husband.
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I am a grandmother of many and I can not remember all their middle names let alone their birthdays!!! So let it go.
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I’m an active 67 year old, and I can barely remember any dates. Even my 2 granddaughters, who live 10 hrs away and I think of them constantly, get sick to see them and would give my life for either one of them. Please let it go. There are so many better things to get mad about♥️
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I have 10 grandchildren, I remember all of their birthdays, etc…but as a wife and a mil both…I would say that sometimes it’s best for the family dynamics to vent about it and then let it go. I have been married for 44 years and I can tell you, it’s better to at least try your best to get along. I have lost both of my parents, so I want my husband to cherish the time he has with his.
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My mom had Alzheimer’s, my MIL had dementia. The simplest memories are often the first to go. You might want to consider this as an early sign of a bigger problem - early treatment can help. Also while you may feel she’s just being inconsiderate or ornery, this comes from the frustration of not being able to recall things she feels she should know. Just a thought
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I understand that it would upset you, but in the big picture of life I would not let it cause problems. Maybe you could make a calendar with all of the families names, birthdays, anniversary, and more. Snapfish has good ones, there are many other platforms that you could use. I know from experience when you love closer to a person it is easier to remember. One reason is you see and talk to them more. It is easier on your family if you can take the high road.
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Wow this lady is so “ME” focused she will end up losing the family that can tolerate her that is left. Sad life when you hold these simple grudges!!!
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Let it go. I have 5 grandchildren I don’t always remember either. Don’t hold a grudge sweetheart. May be signs of early onset dementia. Prayers that you find a common ground! It wouldn’t be wrong to do a friendly reminder to your MIL. She’s human too, sometimes we just forget.
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Life is too short, let it go. Be happy. Hanging on to anger only upsets you and those around you. You seem to have a good marriage - keep it that way!
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While I can understand it hurting that she remembers these details about some of her grandkids and not others, I think it is understandable that she remembers the middle names and birthdays of the kids she’s around more often. Making a “righteous scene” and storming out is completely out of hand though. And her not being able to travel to you because she has horses and no one to help her with them is totally valid.
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I am a grandparent. I love all my grandchildren and sometimes I have to really stop and think who’s birthday is when. Do you really believe that she would forget a middle name of her grandchild on purpose? That child was 19 and he went to pout. This could have been handled so many ways without any feelings hurt.
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Grow up…you have no idea how your memory will be when you reach her age. I get my grandkids 1st names mixed up all the time! My family just corrects me and laughs about it.
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What a stupid thing to ruin precious times with family. Maybe she is getting a start on dementia, or maybe that is the silliest reason in the world to ruin a family get together I’ve ever heard of.
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You sure your son was hurt over this or are you projecting? This seems really excessive…all I can think is how sad I would be if my son married someone who cut me off for something this trivial. I forget my daughter’s exact birthdate every year to the point that it’s a joke between us. Pretty sure she still knows I love her. Let this ish go, sounds incredibly petty.
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U need to grow up and realize maybe she isn’t forgetting their birthday on purpose. Maybe u have been the problem all along. Your attitude toward her doesn’t help in any way.
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As Dr Phil once said (& it’s helped me in a lot of situations), is would you rather be right or would you rather be happy. If it were me, I’d call my MIL, apologize & tell her I love her. The worst that could happen is that it will relieve tension between you & your husband.
Wishing you the best 
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My gosh, since Jim and Jeff were born I call them by each others names, sometimes (often) it comes out JimJeff or JeffJim. I adore both of them!
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I have children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. I don’t get to see all of them a lot but I love each one dearly and they all make me happy and I would gladly lay my life down to save them .You being childish and picky. Let it go.
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Do you think she’s doing this intentionally? I have forgotten the day and year of some if my grandkids and all i do is ask. They dont get upset. They know I love them so much but with so much going on in life yes we forget. I also agree with one of the comments where they asked do your kids remember grand parents day, their grandparents birthday? Do they call to check up on them? If not then you shouldn’t be upset.
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Oh my give her a break. If she treated you badly I could understand but the older you get the harder it is to know everything. Just be kind. You have no idea what she is dealing with
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No! You do not have a right to be mad. I admit, I forget my grandchildren names, and when each was born. Does that mean I do not want them, or care for them, or think they are brats. On the contrary, my memory has been slipping, i admit that, and I only have 4 grandkids. There are my coffee in life, they are my energy, my passions, my hope for the future. I love them to pieces. What i don’t love is my lack of memory, and forgetting important dates. So cut her some slack, and pray that you don’t get old where you forget things to
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As your being totally self righteous about this , has it occurred to you she may have a medical issue going on , like early on set dementia?
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Don’t sweat the small stuff. Life is too short. My daughter has never received a card or gift from mother in law since the age of 3 . She’s now 31! Not all families are the same. My family celebrates every birthday. I still love my mother in law . She great in other ways.
Please don’t sweat the small stuff. Just thank God that your kids have a grandma. Many don’t and wish they had. And be thankful that you have healthy loving family. Look onto Jesus and he will make you happy and appreciate what you already have. Be blessed!!!
Life is too short for this it is not the end of the world. I live closer to some of my granchildren and sometimes i still forget thier birthdays
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Do your kids contact her they are old enough I feel like your making a big deal out of a little thing. Some of my grandkids call me the other gram-ma’s name I smile and they corrected them selves I say thank you because she is a great gramma and go on enjoying the time with them that’s what you should do. She obviously can’t keep the names straight. Don’t waste a good visit by holding a grudge over something small. Just my opinion
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Give her a present with the kids names & birthdates on it. Theres cute ones on pinterest with a sign saying families name & months of the year & below the month hangs a heart with persons name & date of birthdays on it. If your crafty you can make it for her! Problem solved! Or just make up a yearly calendar & under each month put persons name & date. Laminate it for her to put on her frig. Its ok if someone forgets things help them remember so it doesn’t cause a family issue. If you have to call a week before someone s birthday & mention it is not a problem either. I see that favoritism seems to be an issue here.
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Maybe her memory is fading a little as she gets older. Don’t be so hard on her. Have your sons call her, write a note to her once in a while. There’s no excuse not to stay in touch with family.
She always sees the other grandkids. That’s why she recalls their names easily.
It’s tough getting old.
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People need to realize that as we get older we forget alot of stuff so quit nick picking I only have 2 grand kids 23 and 21 but I can never remember the younger birthday That don’t make me a crappy grand parent
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Be considerate to the elderly parents and don’t expect them to live up to your expectations. Ask, what are you doing to better your relationship with her? Sounds like they’d appreciate some helping hands. Teach your kids to respect and help them.
About 5 min ago I realized that I forgot my gr grandsons birthday. My excuse a close member of my family is ill.
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Give it to God. It will only hurt your family of you carry this with you. As you get older you are more forgetful. Love your little family. Life goes on.
I have seven grandchildren and I remember their birthdays and their middle names but ask my husband their grandfather and he’s clueless. He can hardly remember our three daughters birthday I have to remind him. She’s only hurting herself not her mother in law. Let it go and laugh about it.
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I have to ask my daughter in law the ages and birthdays all the time but she knows I love them and her also.
Yes, you’re crazy. I can’t tell you the number of times my Grandma called me by my Mom’s name, or my Aunt’s name… and she only had TWO grandchildren at the time. My great-grandmother did the same, and it never bothered me because I know they both loved me, period. My Mom would forget some of her grandkids birthdays, or how old they were, but she loved every one of them.
Stop being petty and apologize to both your husband and your mother-in-law for the year long tantrum you’ve been having. You’re supposedly an adult, it’s time to act like it.
This person sounds so petty. Could it be she’s aging and forgetting? Or is it really that big of a deal. I’m the oldest child and it’s my responsibility to.remind my mom of my siblings birthday. There’s only 4 of us but she just has always realized it late in the day. She loves to call and sing to us and make a big deal of it. When I noticed she was starting to forget I just made it my job to call her the day before and remind her. Now it’s a family joke. It’s not malice, she’s just too busy for her own good. Life is too short. She calls us all by each other’s name too,.we just answer.
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Don’t take it personally … there are some people good with names and others are not so good as long she is nice to them you should be happy … we can not expect everyone will be treated the same, your kids sees what you are mad about and they will get Mad too, too support you, if they didn’t complain about you should just let it go … you don’t have to like it but you are not making the situation better by being mad or distance … some situations get better others won’t … so try to see the best of the situation… my kids have one set of living grandparents who lives abroad so they don’t get the that joy often enough, we enjoy every minute en we are together and they don’t remember birthdays and sometimes they mixed their names …, but it’s ok they get lots hugs and kisses 
I have 4 children and when I was young I would call them by the other children other names. And I have 5 grandchildren and I call them by the other children names but they laugh at me give her a break. Maybe she has had strokes. I have and it’s hard on me. I love my kids and grandkids she might have things going on.
I agree with those who have said this is a small thing that does not change that your MIL loves your children very much. Please don’t let it slip your mind that your husband not letting this small thing make him upset with his mom will spill over into him giving you grace when you make mistakes, as well. We all want grace, we all should stand ready to grant it to others – in spades. Go and make peace within your family. Your children will follow the examples set by you and your husband. No one ever regrets doing the right thing. Peace, be well.
Don’t be so petty. You have ruined your relationship with her and hurt your husbands relationship with her also. Life is too short to be angry all of the time. No one is perfect. As long as she loves your kids, that is all that matters.
My family always got my name wrong when I was a kid. My sister’s name was Dixie, so they would call me Dixie or sometimes Trixie. They still spell my name Roxy on Christmas cards. My birthday was close to Christmas, so most years I just got an extra Christmas present that I got to open early for my birthday. I am the step grandmother to 5 grandkids. I remember their birthdays and know their middle names better than their grandfather does. No one gets mad about it. We love the kids and grandkids and they wouldn’t think of hurting our feelings for something so petty.
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I was one of 20 grandkids. My grandma couldn’t tell you my birthday but she knew her favorites. My grandpa could, because it was between his and my uncles. It was annoying as a kid, but she had a stroke when I was in high school. Thought I was my mom, her ex daughter in law.
I think you are just spoiled. My father still get’s my name confused with my sister, I am 63. Birthdays, right forget it, he has no clue. He has 7 grand children, He has trouble remembering their name’s, as for the great grand children, 9 , forget it, He knows one, the oldest. One of the grand daughters is named after my mom, my dad can’t remember her name, go figure, he was married to my mom for over 30 years. Angry, no, life is to short, I am glad to just have him around. As for the kids, we just laugh and say he’s old. Life is two short and unpredictable, teach your children to love and respect their elders. Enjoy them for their old stories and tall tales, and not to be so sensitive about little thing’s at least when then come into the house the are recognized. God Bless you all.
As you get older and have more names to remember and more birthdays to remember, it gets harder and harder to do so. If my family got mad at me every time I called one by the wrong name or forget something, we would not be speaking. They know how much I care and hopefully are not keeping tabs on my forgetful times. For Goodness sake, lighten up on your mother in law…you too will be older one day.
As long as YOU remember you me kids birthdays and middle names what’s the issue ??? Like others here have said - my grand mother and great grand mother always called my mom , aunt & myself each other’s names , for some strange reason every before they got to the correct name we always knew who they were talking to .
Not everyone remembers all birthdays , try sending her a calendar with everyone’s added birthdays. You’re worried about the wrong thing, just be thankful that she’s still here to see her grand kids grow . For yourself , you need to relax!
it shouldn’t be a big deal. I saw a cute shelf/wall hanging that she can gift her MIL. It has space for names and birthdays. Cute way to remind granny and decorate the family room.
I messed up my great grandson the other day with my grandson. No big deal. He knew I was talking to him. Kids have their own families, grand families, and great families. And don’t forget the step families. I will say now. If I forget your name now July 2021 I love all of you.
Gees I continuously forget my grandchildren’s first names no doubt second names 
hell I forget where I parked my car, ( wmus grannies aren’t getting any younger) fb reminds me of their birthdays, your poor husband must be so embarrassed of the fuss you made 
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You are looking for something to gripe about. I forget my grandchildren’s name or Birthday. I have forgotten my own. If that’s the only petty thing you can find wrong,you have problems. If she’s around others everyday that helps but not to see them often you can forget. She feels bad enough not remembering, she doesn’t need help from someone else. I feel for your husband.
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I can’t even remember my sisters birthday, let alone my niece and nephews…im’ma be a hot mess by the time I get to GRANDKIDS! This is NOT a big deal.
Maybe her memory is slipping and you are not there to see it my grand mother had Alzheimer’s and there were a lot of times she thought I was my mother as you age it gets harder to keep things straight in your mind giver her a break you don’t know all the story of another person
Lighten up and let things go. Your children are feeling what you have passed down to them. Why do you want them thinking they are loved less than their cousins. Your children are loved by their grandmother even if there are issues with you. I am a grandmother and my love for them is greater than an angry, insecure, over dramatic daughter/ son in-law.
My mom has never remembered birthdays, nor did my grandma. I realized yrs ago that we’d rather have her love than something that most of us lie about at one time or another. You can get as upset as you’d like but it won’t change anything. They raised you by putting a roof over your head & food in your belly. Be glad you still have a mother. Many people can’t say that. Continue a loving relationship & overlook those small items & be thrilled you have a mom you could get upset with.
Yes you are crazy expecting this to upset your husband. You should let something so small. I don’t know how old you are but you sound a little immature and young to spoil your husband’s and sons relationship with your mother in law,and the family reunions. Some families would put you out of their family for such ugly conduct.
Unfortunately your decision to move away from the family does have an effect on those family members. I am sure their love is still strong but remember grandchildren suffer as do grandparents when day to day exposure is limited to only occasional visits. Decisions made have consequences
Get over it. I can’t remember birthdays but this doesn’t mean I don’t love my friends, siblings, nieces or nephews. You seem like a drama Queen.
I am a Grandma of 10, I can’t recall all their birthdays, I have a calendar to remind me. I always said to have afriend, be a friend. I had a mother in law lie that I just rolled with it I didn’t want to upset my husband, and I just explained it to my children.
Let it go… you’re wasting previous time.
Your job as a mother is to teach your children forgiveness, compassion and to love themselves… that sets them up for all of life’s ups and down.
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Yes. Crazy and teaching your children the wrong lesson in life. You can be way better than this. It’s certainly not worth making yourself and everyone else miserable over. The more you tell the story, even to yourself, the bigger it gets (and it’s already way too big) and the more you’ll find reasons to feel hurt.
It is what it is. Look for the Way that she is very good grandma. Try to do something for her and bring a little love to the situation.
You’ll never feel good the way you’re going. You can never change anyone else, only yourself.
If all her other interactions are loving and caring.yes I feel your are overacting.im 71.and tend to remember the ones I see the most.i still get names mixed up but thinking that’s a normal brain thing.if shes nice .pays attention to them when they are around. Could just be a age thing. I just tonight asked my brother what his middle name was .I have 5 brother i sister and because we never call him by his middle name I was not sure.but remembered everyone elses.
I’m expecting my 7th grandchild I have 2 girls one lives closer so I see her and her children more often, I’m laying here trying to remember my youngest daughters children’s middle names and I’m stuck. I love all my grandchildren but the ones closest I say more so I remember them better, I often have to check birthdays, I remember the eldest 5’s first 2 I easily recall, next 3 I have to think youngest grandson I look up and I have number 7 on the way, she’s 14 weeks and I can’t think what her due date is. I speak to both of my girls often and video call the children.
I’m disabled so traveling is difficult, I would love them all to live close by though
I don’t forget any of their birthdays. I just don’t give gifts anymore.
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If your son is 19 he should call her once in a while and say Hello grandmother this is ( first and middle ) name miss and love ya. Bet she would know it then
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I can’t keep up with my nieces and nephews birthday’s and middle name nor can I remember all my great nieces and nephew’s middle names and birthday you just have too ride with it hurts but the more you get upset about it the more bitter you get
Life is too short. You probably made your son feel worse than he did. Kids are resilient. I suggest you let this go for all of your sakes. If you want you could gently remind her or have hubby remind her.
I would certainly be upset.
Have you had a conversation with you Mil it may be hard for hubby to confront his mamma.
Keep it about your children not you. “You hurt x feelings” " y doesn’t understand why you don’t know him".
Talk to you kids let them know they are loved but its maybe grandmas memory.
Keep up the visits for hubby and kids. Be the strong loving one.
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U r a trouble maker grandma r inlaws dosen’t owe u nu obligation to know r remember their names there first n last name is enough I have 6 grand kids n I only can remember 2 of them can’t middle name because them have their fathers name…u lucky some ppl don’t even remember their own kids name more time much less sometimes me call my son his brother name so u lucky go seek God
I am seventy nine. I have ten grandchildren all but one of them are grown. Five great grandchildren. One son in law and a daughter in law. Two of my grandchildren are married. One grandson lives in Florida. They all get cards and money for their birthdays. My four children get cards with a check in the amount of their age. I have never forgot any of their names and have not seen the one in Florida for over three years. We text each other. Don,t talk to them because I don,t hear. I do this because I love them and I don,t want to miss saying Happy Birthday. I do the same at Christmas. I am not rich, but they know I love them and I don,t want them to feel that I forgot them. I think by during this it let’s them know all of them are so special.
My mother called me Marvin once !!! We laughed about that for years life is too short to get mad and pout because your MIL cannot remember your child’s middle name
She could be having some long term memory loss. Show your children how to be forgiving and not bitter. A lesson well learned for the rest of their lives.
What a funny joke if someone remembers to say Happy birthday then just be happy and a BDAY is a day to have and be thankful that God gave you another day of peace health. and move on
My mother passed, she had demonstrated. By time she passed she didn’t even know I was her daughter much less my name. From the time we realized she had it till she passed was only a few short years, but as we sat and remembered things we could see it was coming on long before we realized it, just a lapse here and there. Someone she hadn’t seen in a while she had to be reminded of their name, and by a while I don’t mean years
I forget dates also, my daughter helped me by getting a calendar and putting names on appropriate dates, I sometimes also forget middle names, try helping her instead of being a Karen and causing trouble.
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Get a sense of humor as it will make you a happier person and everyone around you will have a better life. I have 4 children and often call them by the wrong name. They point it out. My Mother did the same thing and sometimes got the dogs name in there too. There are many more awful things we could get upset about but you need to apologize for your childish behavior and be a better example to your children. I would suggest you learn about forgiveness, putting others before self, compassion and grace.
At some point you need to sit down with this woman 1on 1 and talk with her without getting mad! See if she gets it that she favors the others and wants to do something about it! Your hubby needs to step up and communicate with her that she is hurting your children feelings! Then it’s up to her to fix it!
Give them a break. They are getting older and don’t remember as well as they used to! I don’t know all of my grandchildren s birthdays by heart. I usually ask my husband.
I can barely remember my own birthday and if I didn’t have a calendar set up on my phone I would probably forget everyone else’s birthday too. This is total nonsense. Unless you call your kid by there first and middle names all the time it is ridiculous to be so mad because your in laws you admit that you don’t see that much would remember. I am lucky if my own parents get my name right half the time.
I have 7 grandchildren ranging from 4 to 20ys. I don’t know all of their middle names. But I love them all the same. And middle names are for yelling at them when their not behaving…something grandparent rarely do! Don’t sweat the small stuff life’s too short for that
It happens. I call all my kids by each others names and my grandkids too. I would say pick your battles. If its worth being upset about ok. But these things are small compared to alot of issues. My daughter is grown. She asked me to order her birth certificate in the wrong year. Im half crazy but she loves me anyways. Let somethings go and be happy.
It is not about names, but the example you are setting for your children… Teach them respect for the elders…, kindness and consideration. You should learn and practice this also.
I think you are going overboard with this.Forgetting is easy.I do it everyday.I’m sure she loves your boys as much as the others.Please dont start something that you’ll regret one day.What goes around,comes around.
I don’t think it’s intentional.
Memory as we age
Sometimes it doesn’t show up
Get her a Calendar and mark all her grandkids kids etc birthdays for her with their full names
Apoligize to her
Explain your feelings were hurt for your kids Forgetting does not mean she doesn’t care.
Maybe she has dementia, lots of reasons , half of the time I dont even know what day it is.
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Your negative reaction to what you see as a slight only hurts the relationship your son could have had with his grandmother. The excuses for your selfish behavior as a mother don’t justify spoiling the weekend for the rest of the family. Just saying.
Wow, so many self-righteous, perfect people on here. It sounds like you are very standoffish to your mother-in-law. Take a lesson from another woman on here who has posted that her daughter-in-law gave her a calendar with birthdays March and names etc. Lighten up, don’t be so unkind. The world does not revolve around you. And with the attitude you have you’re teaching your son to be the same way and it’s very likely that you and your m i l will never get along.
My mother-in-law never could remember my children’s birthdays nor any of her other grandchildren just the way it was we all just took it in stride but she loved them
Really who cares about a middle name, I didn’t know how to spell mine until I had to apply for my marriage license. As far as birthdays the parents could let the grandmother know. As long as she’s respectful to the kids why sweat it? They are your kids not hers.
To you possibly think it’s early stage dementia or Alzheimer’s. Maybe it’s just the beginning stages period I wouldn’t get mad that you don’t live there now you’re not really sure how she is day-to-day I would really want to know how her health was
Pick your battles. This situation is not a hill you want to die on. MIL vs. DIL will always be a little off but I’d suggest you be the bigger person and just be happy. Teach your kids that grandmas are older and don’t always get things right. Remind them that gma loves them regardless of things that might happen or are being said. Life was not meant to be perfectly happy all the time. Important to teach kids to love and respect their grandparents at all costs and to not be offended. It’s more about teaching them how to handle disappointments than trying to get grandma too behave. Good luck and pray.
You did not mention her age but there is a possibility she is having memory loss
I would calmly talk to my husband about talking with her to find out if he notices it. My sister was diagnosed with alzheimer’s at age 53. Her first symptom was forgetting her grandchildren birthday and progressed to forgetting my name she only remembered sizzy
Yes you are a little childish and evidently passing it on to your sons if you have to get up and go to bed or cause a scene every time someone says something you don’t agree with. She may have early dementia or if she does it to push your buttons, be the better person. Don’t fall for it.
All this is childish, u and ur husband needs to know the children names not the in-law. Get over it, u are too old n this is obviously putting a strain on ur marriage
Some stuff we just forget. My son’s name is boy and my grandson is dat little boy. Best I can do even though we all have the same name.