A very silly person! So, it’s compulsory for a grandma to remember the birthdays and middle names of all her grandchildren? You are not a serious woman!
I have 10 grand children ranging from 21 to 6 I know all their bd and middle names 3 live 4 hrs away and 7 close by I love them all the same that’s why I can remember the same things about them
I understand being irritated, but not to the point of storming out and refusing to see her for a year. I don’t always remember everyone’s birthdays. And yes, the middle name thing would bother me, but not enough to go to bed. Maybe just enough to pull her aside and be like “hey, that upset him. Could you please talk to him and apologize?” Just seems like there are better ways to handle it than just avoiding her altogether. You’re definitely way overreacting
No. You aren’t over reacting. If it bothers you then it bothers you. It’d hurt my feelings if my grandparents forgot my birthday too so I don’t think your son is just picking up your feelings. If she has enough memory to remember the ones by her she should have enough to remember yours.
I’d get mad as hell at my husband if he saw not only me but his son get upset and said nothing even in private. You have every right to get upset and don’t let no one tell you other wise.
Seriously? I can forget my own middle name and birthday! Get over it! Your not only being rather narcissistic, but apparently have taught your 19 year old to be that way too.
Don’t make such a big deal about something so trivial, life is short & family is precious!
As long as you remember your kids birthdays , that the only thing that matters. Your an adult, don’t hold grudges over something as stupid as a middle name. For heaven’s sake , they have a first name that everyone calls them by. And if no one remembers their birthday, so what, Then you never have to thank you. Don’t worry what everyone else is doing. In the end, it’s not important. Let it go !
You will find out when you have multiple grandchildren that you forget birthdays too!
If it weren’t for the fact that Owen’s day of birth is the 2nd just like me, and Merrick ALMOST was born on a Friday the 13th, I wouldn’t remember their bdays.
I forget my children’s names never mind grandchildren
It’s an age thing.
I don’t think it’s fair to expect him to be upset at his mom over these small details. The in-laws love and care for all of you, they’ve not been mean. It is rough they’re not as close to your kids as they are to the others but sometimes that can’t be helped. You have an idea of how it should be and you’re punishing everyone for not living up to it. In the grand scheme of it all are you going to cause a rift because she couldn’t recall theses small details? Not worth holding onto the negative energy for this.
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She might have some dementia going on. As you said your family moved away. People with Dementia needs a routine and need to see the people that have been in their lives. Even seeing someone on a regular basis memories start to fail.
My mother in laws always forgetting birthdays etc but so is my mum… they both got that many grandchildren its easily done… I always remind both the week before etc xx
I’m 76 and I had four children and have four grandchildren. I’m notoriously known for forgetting names and birthdays, or calling one child by another one’s name. My grandkids are adults and joke about it. They say they knew they were in big trouble when I called them by the dog’s name.
They are lucky if I get their first name right, any further names or birthdays don’t even have a chance.
They in turn call me Hobbit and I tell them they’ll have big shoes to fill when I’m gone.
My family have accepted this part of me and no one takes offence. My American DIL was the only one offended but I treated her with love and kept my side clean. That is the gift of memory loss. You can clear the slate every day.
It did impact on those grandchildren though.
Please try to be less sensitive, your MIL is not trying to hurt you or picking on your son deliberately.
Forgetfulness is not an act of malicious intent to hurt anyone’s feelings intentionally.
Family and close grandsons let me know the day before or on the day with “Hey Gran, guess what day it is in the real world.
What is your Hobbit age now, I’m 28 tomorrow, or something like that.
I think your
over sensitivity could eventually cause a deep rift in the family if you keep driving in a new wedge with every visit.
Your son already feels he has to choose your side. Please don’t put your husband in that position against his mother. He has a birthright to accept his mother exactly as she is as the right and perfect mother for him.
Half of her DNA made him the man you chose to father your children.
To love wholly, you have to accept wholly.
Sensitivity is Ego driven, acceptance is Soul driven.
Reach deeper my dear, your time of getting old will come too and you’ll find that all that really counted in life was how lovingly, compassionately and easily you forgave, and how accepting you were of family and strangers alike.
You are not being victimised, but can be self sabotaging close relationships without giving them a fair chance of bearing fruit.
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Could this be stemming maybe from a bit of jealousy of the other grandchildren’s names being remembered more easily? I hope you can forgive. It’s best for everyone, especially YOU♥️
I don’t expect my parents to remember everything. They were at the hospital the day my daughter was born and still have to ask what day she was born on because there’s so many birthdays to remember. And they mostly remember middle names but I don’t see any of that as being as important as them loving my kids. If you can see that they’re loved then why start a fight over it? And make things miserable when you’re over there, especially when you had such a great relationship before. I think you may have overreacted a bit and should really try to repair the relationship for your husband’s sake.
I went to fill out my will and couldn’t remember my daughter’s middle name and it’s the same as mine!! I’m only 63.
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I never had a mother in law or a father in law. They passed when my husband was 6 and 18. I would love to have had them. Be thankful for them. I don’t know all of my grandsons middle names. I rarely see some of them. The ones I see frequently, those I remember. You’re blessed to have them.
My gram had 65 grandchildren. She sent cards out the beginning of each month to whoever had a birthday. Give mil a break, love her unconditionally.
I don’t think it’s a malicious thing and can be from age. I don’t see my grandkids often and I have to have the calendar and reminders for dates. My issue is pain and some illnesses that cause memory problems. But I will say, having the phone available probably makes it worse. If it really bothers you talk to her. Just being mad doesn’t help anyone, especially you.
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I don’t think my grandfather ever knew my true name , he always called me toots .I know he loved my even though he didn’t call me my name .It was evident when he was on his death bed and he called me toots but he didn’t remember my uncle his own son that had the same name as him
Don’t be mad I get to many grandkids in sometime I called all at once it’s not easy because I have 20 greatkids and can’t even remember them all in when I call them by the wrong name they tell me grandma that’s not my name it’s not easy for me.
As I have gotten older, I have to write everything down and that includes the children’s and grandchildren’s birthdays. If I need to know how old they are then I have to check a photo album that my daughter gave me with the three grandchildren’s pictures and the date of their birth. Older people have a tendency to forget unless it is written down in their diary or their calendar which is what I now have to do. Give you in-laws a little slack they may have difficulty remembering dates and especially middle names.
You are probably in for a rude awakening being a boys mom.My mother used to take up for my brother who hardly ever brought his kids around,yet they were extremely close to their moms parents, who lived just down the street from them My mother used to say"A son is a son til he takes him a wife ,but a daughtets a daughter for all of her life.I have adopted that saying as my own now that my boy has a family.Just you wait,but dont get your feelings hurt its life.
Lighten up. I forget names, I do not forget the love I have for my family. Stop telling children she doesn’t care. Love her and forgive. Concentrate on the positive not negative.
I remember one time my Grandson was asked if he loved his GMA ? and if she did a lot of stuff for him? He said no he didn’t get to see her as often as he wanted. He wished he could see her more…yet he saw me all the time and he did not compare who was a better GMA than the other. He loved us both! Children get the worst idea’s from their jealous parents. Don’t let that be you and your family. We all need each other…any little bit that we can get. And, I am afraid it is only going to get worse. Let’s start bucking up now. We are going to need all the help we can get, especially from family!
My HUSBAND STILL CAN’T REMEMBER HIS OWN KIDS BIRTHDAYS.
SERIOUSLY! They are 42, 38 and 33. He loves them dearly but apparently that piece of information never stuck. ( he knows the month, that’s it!)
I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. Maybe quietly and privately have a conversation where you tell her how hurtful these things are but then leave it alone. Life is too short.
" Anger is the punishment we give ourselves for someone else’s mistake".
It is common for those who move away to almost feel punished for doing so… those close by are often favored simply because
the close proximity allows them to bond and grow closer to each other.
How old are your in laws …I am 78 and can’t remember my children’s BD. If that is there only sin …cut them some slack … I am lucky to remember their first name .
I think it’s easy to forget birthdays, how much you love them is nothing to with it, if it bothers you you should ring up and remind them the week before, I think you’re creating a mountain out of a mole hill,
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Life is too short; his family will always be his family. And as his mother maybe she’s trying to get under your skin or blames you for a move (I’m speculating). How would you feel if your husband boycotted your family. It’s not kumbaya, marriage is a joining of 2 people not 6 and more (in-laws, etc.). Yes I’ve been there. Life is too short, find a way
My own father used to call us by the wrong name all the time…no big deal. We laughed…he’d go down the list of names and finally say “what the h_,l is your name?”. Maybe granny is starting to lose her memory who knows. Just keep reminding her. Who knows how long she will be with you on this earth.
I think you are being extremely petty. You should choose your battles more wisely, because not everything is worth severing relationships over. I feel bad for your MIL, your husband, and kids… because YOU are the one who has caused tension within the family, by sweating the small stuff.
I’m sorry your upset and understand the frustration but to be honest, I don’t think it a big deal. My Mom is in her 70’s and can’t remember her Grand Children Birthdays unless someone reminders her. I don’t worry so much about the small stuff because when she is with her Grand Children, she lights up the room with her laughter and watching her enjoy her self, being just with them.
Your causing drama where there isn’t any and putting stress on your marriage and the family Dynamics. Something you just have to bite the bullet and just understand she is getting up there with her age and just can’t remember all the time. When you have a lot of grandchildren it’s hard to remember each and every one middle names and Birthdates. Life is to short to worry about stuff like this, just enjoy the time you have with her, because there will come a day she won’t be around.
This is ridiculous to have a fit this big over a grandparent forgetting a name.I do it too and my grandkids laugh and will say granny try again and we are all laughing during the whole thing. Get over it. There will come a day when you as the mother will call your own sons by different names before you call them by their own name. Its called getting old.
First. what is her age? I have 3 grandchildren I live in Michigan and they live in Florida. I try but can’t keep up with birthdays don’t keep up with dates all the time. I love them all dearly, please have patience with everyone, Of course the children who live close by will get more attention.
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If it upsets you that much get her a calendar and write birthday ages on and names maybe she has memory’s loss…
No, you shouldn’t be mad, but rather keep an eye out for other signs of alzheimer’s or senile dementia. I have a calendar that my grands and great grands are written in so I can remember. Be kind .it may be such a thing as an illness.
Memory can be affected by aging. My in-laws are less than an hour away and have only been to one birthday celebration for our 16 year old son. I don’t think Nana knows his exact birthday or his middle name either. It used to hurt my feelings because my own parents have been gone since I was a child. I just accept now that my in-laws don’t like me or my son. It sucks but it’s just a fact of life.
I question just how well you got along with your MIL before you even had kids. You sound like an angry person who needs to forgive and move on. Life is too short to hold onto grudges and perceived slights.
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First thought was dementia but the fact she remembers your bil’s children’s name just fine means it’s something more personal. It could be plain and simple favoritism. Which hurts. I would hate to think she would take the time and energy to do this on purpose. Maybe pull her aside for a quiet one to one. Mention what concerns you and see how she replies. If she brushes it off as your imagination then she’s gaslighting you. Maybe next child’s birthday organise a celebration at a restaurant up her way. That way a) she knows the child involved birthday is coming up ( no excuse to forget either name or date) b) it’s up her way so it won’t affect her horses. It’ll be interesting to see if she accepts or cancels…
My grandmother spelt my middle name wrong all the time. Upset my mom. I have a easy name jo… she always said it was joe…lol and ic you are upset about birthday a and things you would hate me. I have problem with my own kids. Grandkids is a maybe. Most of the time the ones that live by me would never let me forget the birthday. The ones not near me I have problems unless parents tell me what the kids want for the birthday. I love my kids and grandkids. But not good with names or dates. Sorry. I hope my in laws don’t hate me. My kids understand and loves me unconditional. Which I’m glad. Hope you get it all worked out and you enjoy your grandkids and not let something like this upset you around the kids.
Don’t waste so much time on such silly issues. She is getting old and believe me our minds slow down and our memories slow down also. Have a heart
How petty can you get!!! Could be some memory problems. I have a friend who would DIE for her grandkids but couldn’t tell you their birthdays right off the top of her head.
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Yes, you are being mean. Did you ever think that she may have a memory problem. You find it easier to remember those you see often, but have trouble with those you don’t. Repitition helps, so seeing someone more makes it easier. Give the woman a break.
Yeah you’re being crazy. Not everyone can remember things like that. It doesn’t mean that the kids aren’t important and she doesn’t love them. You’re causing quite the issue when there doesn’t need to be one.
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Sorry if that is all you have to worry about you are the problem. I can’t even pronounce my grand daughters middle name.
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Try being grateful that she still alive and breathing. Sorry you sound like a " KAREN"
I forget when my grandkids birthdays are not always and I certainly don’t remember middle names Big fuss over nothing
This is why YOU MUST truly forgive her. It’s like taking poison and expecting her to die! It will set you free like you can’t believe! It won’t be easy and it may not be quick, but you will be amazed at the result. You will be in my prayers.
Lol!! My mother couldn’t remember us kid’s names!! She had 9, and we where all called the wrong name quite often!! On certain Holidays it was a different child named wrong. We would just laugh and move on!
She could have early Alzheimer, mini strokes that you cant tell. I am saying this bc I was getting angry for calling me names. Your a smart lady. Go at it easy.
Really grow up and stop making a drama out of something so trivial. Your kids are in the middle of all this you sound so attention seeking. Start appreciating what you have and that includes your MIL.
My grandparents have around 40 grand kids and I’m surprised that they could keep track of everyone. Visits between relatives should go both ways.
My Nana had 4 of us in total, used to call us all different names and 100% needed reminding of our birthdays nevermind our middle names:rofl:. Tell you what though she was the best Nana in the world (both were actually and they were similar in that respect). I personally don’t know why you’re mad:rofl:
x
Really petty. Now that those kids are older how much do they interact on their own with the grandparents?
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My mother does this…she does have her favorites. But your husband should talk to his mother.
Make her a photo Calendar as a Christmas gift WITH ALL the grandkids Birthdays and names! Give her a break! Getting old sucks!
I do understand your feelings, but I would not get too worked up over it.
Don’t be upset with your husband. Men are different, they don’t get upset at the same stuff we do.
Your behavior is over the top and completely out of line - and apparently has been for 20 years. Do everyone a favor and stay home when your husband goes to see his family. Your kids are old enough to decide whether they want to go see their grandmother or not. I have no contact with in-laws since my husband passed away. I chose to have as little contact as possible while he was alive but was happy when he went to see them because they always had a great visit and he enjoyed it. I treasured those days by myself. The only thing that’s going to change here is your attitude - and it’s childish and divisive and hurtful to everyone right now.
People who are elders have trouble sometimes remembering even the most important of things can be hard,get over it
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Get over it. Your family is suffering because a lapse in memory.
Dont be so harsh on your mil, just because she cant remember middle names or birthdates. It doesnt mean she loves them less. Your sons may not have even noticed if you hadnt made such a big deal about it. Do your boys know her middle name and birthdate, please stop with the hissy fits, it only causes friction in the family, enjoy life and her, remember nothing or no-one is around forever.
I have three kids And my mind goes blank with they ask birthdays. The year always throws me off
Maybe she has some memory loss and can remember the other ones cause she sees them all the time. You sound like you are looking for a reason to make a scene. Why not stay at home and let hubby and kids go?
It’s a big deal if you make it one ,I’m sure she didn’t mean to ,as you age you tend to forget …not on purpose
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This is deeper than name and birthday forgetting. This mom feels badly for her boys because she perceives that mil loves the other grandchildren more. She hurts for her boys and it’s totally understandable. It’s not that mil loves the others more, it’s because she is more familiar with them since they live closer to her. I empathize with mom. She should sit down with mil and have a heart to heart talk and voice her feelings.
Your mother in law may be getting forgetful, It is your husband mother, he will never have another mother, try to get alone with his mother, it is hurting you more, you may not see it but eventually your husband may have different feelings bc of the tension, arguing, try to have peace and remind his mother of special dates in a fun or quite way!
How often do you or your kids call her? A relationship has partipants which should reach out to each other quite often no matter the distance. Best of luck.
There are so many more things ahead of you to worry about. This is small compared to them. Save your hurt feelings for that time. It is important but not worth thumb sucking. And one day, when you are older with lots to do and have grandchildren, you may not be so perfect either. Don’t look for stuff to be mad about. It makes you look hard to get along with and you are the one it will aggravate the most.
My God Girl. Give it up. Life is too short to carry a grudge and make such a big fuss over this.
I like to think that we will be forgiven for our failures and remembered for our successes. If you don’t make a fuss about this neither will your child.
Forgetfulness comes with age. Try to take that into consideration as she doesn’t see you guys that much
Wow of all the petty crud in the world. You don’t leave much room for mistakes. I don’t travel and I can’t remember squat. Be glad your not related to me.
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No I’d be madder than all get out My Mother once told me couldn’t afford to buy hey only grandchildren gift because she spent her money on her friends Never wanted her in my house again
I seriously do understand her point but baby girl your oldest is 19yrs old if he hasnt said anything than why bother and again it’s just a middle name it’s not like it’s his 1st main name…at least she knows that one…smh
You are being extra petty. You’re mad because she couldn’t remember the MIDDLE name? I get my own kids middle names mixed up. Girl let the unforgiveness go and give it to God. You’re hurting no one but yourself and your kids at this point. Life is too short.
My honey would
Never put up with that kind of behavior from his
Parents he would have spoke up right away would they have liked there parents to do that to their kids
Listen to yourself… this rant is all of your expectations. What and how you believe a MIL should act act.
This is the way she is … After all these years why keep making yourself and those around you so aware of it. Not everyone is going to live up to what you believe is and what should be. STOP. Feeling and making your son feel these times of birthdays with anger and sadness. Focus on the happiness of the day. Don’t expect change . You be the change , let it go!
Have the 19 year old say hey grandma my middle name is….then hug & kiss her! He’s old enough to speak up for himself.
I think what’s really bothering her Lisa Sally is the mil’s obvious favoritism to the other two grandkids, which I know you are not like that! I agree her points are a bit petty, but I do think they point to the larger picture of favoritisms. And maybe I see that because that situation exists in my family, and as a Mother there are days it breaks my heart.
Oh come on…you need to relax and not take this personally. A lot of people don’t remember birthdays or middle names. How old is your mother in law? Age attributes to not remembering things as well. I’m 46 and I’ll walk into a room and not remember why. I’m sure she loves her grandkids. But you seriously cannot expect every family member to remember everyone’s birthday and middle name. My kid’s grandmother sometimes forgets, and will later remember and apologize. I do not make a bid deal out of it. Everyone has their own lives to live and get busy and forgets things. My advice to you is…get over it. Move on, stop being petty and holding a grudge. If this is the worst thing that ever happens to you in life then consider yourself lucky. There are more important things for you to be upset about than something this trivial.
Make her a nice calendar with the full names of the entire family. Their birthdays. Addresses “college”. All pertinent information. Give this to her when all can see so your intent can’t be misunderstood. Sometimes older people just forget. Help them to remember. I would have felt badly also.
You’re being rediculous. Instead of making a scene and leaving her house when she did it you could have pulled her aside, and explained that it was very hurtful to the children that she didn’t know their middle names and birthdays. It’s more difficult for some people to remember things like that than others.
For heavens sakes…how old is she?? Unfortunately as we age we tend to forget!!! Grow up!!
Oh please , as you get older and have several grandkids and great grandkids you often forget their birthday date! And the middle names , well if you don’t use them easy to forget! Just takes a little understanding ,doesn’t mean they don’t love their grandchildren! Have her write down their names and birthdate in a blank page in their Bible ,it will be great help!
Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. Be glad she calls them by their first name.
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maybe you should make more contact with your MIL and worry some about her
Its a middle name when she starts getting their first names wrong on the regular come back, crist alive talk about making a mounting out of a mole hill, I have 3 boys and half the time I don’t get their bloody first names right and I am their mother, bailey’s jacob, jacobs jaxsons, jaxaons what ever ur name is after iv gone down the list
When you get older; when you don’t see someone often or use their middle name regularly, unfortunately, forgetting is quite easy. Your reactions, attitude, and actions/ words will affect your children, husband, and other family members. YOU are hurting your husband and your children. Let it go!
Kids follow what they see. Remember you will be a grandmother someday God willing. This is just immature you need to grow up and stop acting like your children.
Just show her grace and try to live peaceably. As you take your last breaths, will it really matter?
THIS is what you put your energy into? You must be the first perfect human ever to walk the planet. I can’t imagine the pressure your family must feel when you’re around. Smh!!!
Everyone forgets name you are blowing this up for you it should not hurt your feelings I mean really there older I forget names all the time since I’m older don’t take it to heart an grow up
No, people forget as they get older! My mom never remembered my birthday, and it was ok! If you are worried about it, buy a calendar, and everyone’s birthday on it!!
Hubby should have stood behind his wife little things can be hurtful
There was no reason to cause an upset . It was rather childish on your part. Move on , let it go and work on what is going on inside of you. It takes so much effort to be pissed off and start a family rift then it it does to just let it go .
But let me guess…. Are you a 6 years old?
If yes you are completely right, if not…… 
it’s not too late to grow up.
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How old is she? Is she experiencing some cognitive changes? Sometimes it’s not about us, but about the other person…
Oops…Did you know this uncomfortable feeling before you had children? (Between you and the in-laws? #2 How are your parents in this situation? Do they remember everything you want them to remember about the kids?
Making a mountain out of a mole hull. Her love for the child doesn’t diminish just because you live far and visit less. If you don’t like your MIL, you just need to admit it. Stop using the children as your reason for not liking her. You’ll end up losing a family. Get a hobby.
We used to laugh at kids grandma, for calling the roll NOW I do it. YIKES