Doesn’t matter who she bloody well is, she’s a crappy person. Snip snip, cut her loose.
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Sometimes it’s safer to love someone from a distance. She’s right, she’s your mother, stay away from her until she learns to love, respect and be proud of you like a mother should.
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My mom does the same crap. Dealt with abuse from her…but it was my fault bc i was a horrible kid. She is only allowed around on holidays and bdays. That is it. Ignore the guilt trips she gives. You didnt ask to be born. She didnt want to be a mom…shouldnt have had kids. That is what i tell mine if she tries that.
Gross. Move on with life. Treat your babies better and break this cycle 
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Divorce your mother. She is toxic!
I’m sorry you had to go through this. I had to get rid of all the negativity in my life and I finally did. Never thought I could be that strong but I find the courage. you as well will find it.
The "I’m your mother’ thing doesn’t work if she is a shit mother.
Tacky and so out of order. Love Mom and always show love but protect your family and anyone that’s disrespectful to your spouse by disregarding them is disrespecting you so set clear boundaries and Love folks from across the street until they respect Godly order and ahow respect.
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Honey, just don’t tell Mom things that you don’t want spread around. You let your in laws know things, instead of depending on Mom to do it. That takes care of 2 of your aggravation s real quick. You don’t have to cut her out of your lives. You don’t live close, so you choose what she knows and when she knows it. Send her pictures of her grandchildren occasionally. Talk to her when you want. Don’t argue on the phone with her. She starts, say Mom, I really need to go. I love you, and then you hang up. And don’t answer if she calls back. You take your life back. You control the situation. Be at peace. His name is Jesus.
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You need to cut her out. My mom was just like this except we didn’t drink. She was always manipulative and verbally abusive. She blamed everything on me. She tried turning my own daughter against me and true splitting me and my husband up when he was deployed. My husband saw right through her lies. She tried guilt tripping me into staying too, but once I realized she was going behind my back to come up with a way to set me up so my daughter would get taken from me I knew that was it. I have spoken in almost 3 years and it’s the best I’ve ever felt. So much weight has been lifted. I still struggle with being an adult sometimes. I was so controlled sometimes I forget I can do whatever I want without anyone telling me no.
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Get rid of her I would
I can’t remember how long it’s been, maybe close to a year that I’ve finally cut ties with both my parents. Idc if they’re parents, toxicity isn’t good for my mental. To care for my own family, I had to cut ties. I’m 32, been an off/on relationship since 18. I love them but the eggshell walking isn’t something I wanna do for the rest of my life. 
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Mother or not. She is toxic. I wouldnt even give half a damn about “but I’m your mother crap” not o ly toxic but narcissistic as well
They get old and weaker. Just endure for now and take the good and ignore the bad.
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You can distance yoursrlf as much as you need to. Protect your kids, especially, you are the adult now.
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Please,get yourself some family counciling. It will help you to unravel knots in your relationship with your mother and beyond.Godspeed!
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Toxic is toxic family or not!
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Be done with my her.
Sounds like my mother…leave I did best thing I ever did too, you’ll never be free or confident until you do
Throw the whole mom away!!
Cut ties!! Toxic is toxic. You need to protect yourself and new family. You need to stop telling her stuff, the fact she talked crap about you so heavily AS A CHILD, you have no reason to feel guilty
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i’m just confused as to why u took so long to come to this conclusion should of been cut her toxic ass off ….blood is thicker than water but you need water to live someone once told me ! good luck
Best thing I ever did for me is cut ties with my mother
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Throw the whole mother away.
Protect you and your children from her toxic behavior. I had to with my father. I had not spoken to him in over 20 yrs when he passed. Some people can not change the toxic behavior no matter the consequences, so do what you need to, to protect your mental health.
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Try keeping your mouth shut and stop teing her things…that simple
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Because you live so far away, you are in a good position to control how much/little contact you have.There’s a!ways an outside chance that she will mellow with the years. Just be cautious and don’t give her too much information about the inner workings of your family.
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Toxic is toxic no matter who they are. You built your life not because of but in spite of her. Congratulations. And best of luck with your babies.
If you feel it’s best to cut ties then do that. If not then at least keep a good distance for your own mental health.
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As an adult, you get to define YOUR relationships. Set some boundaries and be consistent in enforcing them. Call mom once a month, week? whatever works for you, set a timer… talk about the weather, how she is doing then get off the phone. No one can guilt you without your help. You know she is manipulative so stop telling her your business. Ask God for wisdom.
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You are now a wife and a mother of two. I strongly believe it’s your responsibility to only surround yourselves with positive role models, encouragement and support. Regardless of a person’s role in your life, aka they gave birth to you, purge the negative and love them from afar.
You must remain healthy mentally for your husband and children. Goodbye mom!
The Sisterhood: Daughters of Narcissistic and Abusive Mothers
Get the hell away from her
Cut her off. Family doesn’t mean blood.
Call her on her birthday. Tell her nothing that’s personal
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I’m sorry that your mother is this way, very narcissistic. Sometimes we can love people, but it’s better from afar.
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first…Stop telling her things you don’t want other people to know. Second…cut ties if u feel she is toxic
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I have little family for a reason. Blood is no excuse to maintain a toxic relationship, family or otherwise.
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dont feel bad.
i cut ties with my whole one side of my family bc of shit like this. its been 3 years… and you know what? i dont feel bad at all. like - at all. even my own sister.
bc everytime we do communicate, they really do show me why i cut ties in the first place and have set MAJOR boundaries with myself on not talking to them, no matter how mych i miss them and do feel bad for them.
only you can do what you want to do. some people really do feel better in life not speaking to certain people after a certain time frame.
it DOESNT matter if theyre blood or not - toxic is toxic.
Walk away! You’re mental health is more important than dealing with that!
Toxic is toxic and you have the right to remove ANYONE toxic
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There is no really good reason to have her in your life. I did not see my mother for about the last 27 years of her life. You can do this.
No, she is not your mother…she is just your birth giver…vessel to the world. No one deserves to be put through things that aren’t in their best interest no matter what.
Daughters Of Abusive Mothers
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My mother is similar actually. Stop telling her anything. Obviously she feels bad about her life for whatever reason and blames you but you don’t have to wear her disappointment. Just live your life. Tell her things after you have told everyone else or at least at the same time. I rarely see my mother because she always blames everyone else for the way her life has gone and never takes responsibility. I probably see her once a month and I live in the next town. Sad but true.
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Sometimes blood is more toxic than anyone. The fact that she uses the ‘im your mother’ card already proves just how selfish she’s acting. You are adults now and she can’t justify her shitty actions being okay just cus ‘shes your mom’ . You are also an adult and she needs to respect that and if she doesn’t then yes I would distance myself from her.
Walk away don’t feel guilty
Toxic is toxic. Please don’t expose your children to those people. Or yourself/spouse.
You owe toxic people nothing. Nothing. You can fill them in on info much after the fact if you want, but if that still causes problems, just stop that even. Family is not an obligation when it’s a one way street and they actually cause harm (physical, mental, or emotional). It’s abuse and needs to stop. Glad you are physically away from the drama. 
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Your Mother never liked you, it sounds.
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Get your scissors out and start cutting.
Sometimes you have to love them from a distance … ‘even if it’s your mother’ … she’s hurting you over & over again and it’s not right. Mother or not she doesn’t have the right to hurt you ‘ever’
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Cut her off and love her from a distance.
Stop telling her stuff and getting her to do stuff that’s important to you. Let her find out with everyone else. Sounds like she is just a gossip.
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Haven’t talked to my mother is 3 years. She is nothing but drama, arguments and judges everything. Always way out of line. There ate people in your life that are toxic, I made the choice to remove the poison from my life. I had to ask myself, what is my peace of mind worth to me?
Life always has ups and downs. Stresses and worries. But these last 3 years have been so much better for me and my family
Don’t tell her anything 
.
How do people get this out of whack that they can’t decide you say she is toxic you can’t trust her with secrets dont let her in on secrets
Tell her only what you tell everyone else if she pulls the mums card tell her act like one you will treat like one
It doesnt matter if shes your mother. Toxic is toxic and she doesnt sound like a mother to me
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Why are you mad she didn’t tell your husband’s family every time if you wanted it to be a secret ? Looks like you’re looking for reasons to be mad
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My mom does this same crap. And I just don’t talk.to her unless it is about how we’re doing. Stopped a lot of drama from my life. Always felt bad because thats my mom. But I realized I had to stop feeling bad for protecting myself and my mental health
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I have cut ties, went virtually no-contact with my mother. She knows if she needs something, like a ride to the doctor, medication, food, someone to take care of her, I’m there. But other than that, nothing. And I would in this situation also. You were/are being abused by this woman. It would consistent, joint and separate therapy, or no contact beyond necessary for me.
Doesn’t matter family or not, toxic is toxic. Cut the damn ties.
Distance yourself and love her anyway!
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You have to try and love her from a distance. Set really good boundaries. It’s not easy but you can stop the craziness . Your the adult now and have kids. She’s not going to change . Keep your Expectations to a minimum.
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My mom was a lot like that. I cut her off, never told her i got pregnant and had a baby. I never regretted it, even when she died. Same with my dad.
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Stop talking to her unless it’s necessary
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She not acting like a good mother distance may help don’t tell her your important stuff you deserve happiness not ridicule
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I stopped talking to my mom for years due to her drug use. It was what was best for me and my kids. U gotta protect u first.
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Don’t tell her anything anymore
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Of course toxic people will try to manipulate and guilt you into keeping them in your life, but there is nothing wrong with cutting toxic people out of your life, no matter who they are. You need to do whatever you feel is best for your own mental well-being
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Love her from a distance. Don’t put yourself through unnecessary drama. You deserve more!
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I’d tell her she’s all these things then quit talking to her.
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Your mom was an abusive narcissist when you were a kid, and she’s still one now. You need to see someone who can help you deal with the past and set boundaries for the future.
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Cut the ties with her until she can behave accordingly. If not the just because you gave birth to it or help make it or “blood” family doesn’t make you family.
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Cut her off!
Cut anyone off that’s toxic to you doesn’t matter if they’re friends, your relationship or your family if they toxic cut the cord!!!
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There’s only so much you can take before its for your own well being to stay away. Anyone can be a mother or father doesn’t mean they should be. Good luck girl
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I feel what you’re going through. I understand not wanting to cut her out completely too. You have your own family now… don’t let her ruin things for you. just bc they’re are family doesn’t mean we need to let them tear us down!
Cut ties until or if she changes her ways. She was never a good mom to you, she will be a worse grandma. Unfortunately not all moms were meant to really be moms.
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Toxic is toxic, you don’t owe her anything, yes she’s your mother but that does not entitle her to do as she pleases just because she gave birth to you, I would suggest to keep her at arms length & tell her things after that fact so she can’t ruin any potential future plans
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Don’t cut ties. Just limit your exposure to her. You know you can’t trust her with information so don’t tell her anything. Your mother won’t change. So change the way you deal with her. Keep her at an emotional distance to protect yourself.
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She obviously enjoys ruining things for you. Don’t let her. You owe her nothing, absolutely nothing
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She’s very manipulative and you don’t need that BS in your life! No one does. Cut all ties and just love her from afar. I guarantee she’ll guilt you and pull the “But I’m your mother…” card.
I’d tell her to kick rocks and let her know she stopped being a mother a LONG time ago!
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There comes a time when you have to cut toxic family off. Simple as that.
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Wait, so your mad she told people the gender, but also mad she didn’t tell your husband family? I’m confused. Is it her job to tell them? Also, not getting pregnant for a few months isn’t a struggle, not getting pregnant for a few years is. I’m not saying your mom isn’t toxic, but you need to decide what your really angry about. You sound lost. You need to go to counseling to work your shit out. And you keep trusting her, that’s on you not her.
I disagree to a point. Scale back what,when, and how often you interact. You allow her to interfere by what you share with her. After some time allow her in small doses. If she interferes then put her in time out again. Only way I could deal with my mother.
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The Sisterhood: Daughters of Narcissistic and Abusive Mothers
Snip snip…cut those ties…don’t look back…she is toxic and you are grown…she is not going to change and quit thinking she will.
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Going no contact with my narcissistic mother was one of the best choices I made for my own life.
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The Sisterhood: Daughters of Narcissistic and Abusive Mothers
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Textbook narc. Walk away. No. Run away. Blood doesn’t mean shit if its toxic. If she were cancer, would you not do everything in your power to remove her, even if it means removing part of your body? Take my advice. Protect yourself and your children and go no contact.
You are NOT overreacting! This is all so familiar to me. My mother is the villain in my life and i had to cut ties. Dealing with her toxic bullshit was draining me:pensive: Good luck, i know how overwhelming a situation like this can be.
No your not wrong but you need to right her a letter and tell her why your staying away It will help you deal with It You know your a mom now Don’t let her take over your life Your kids needs a good life with there mom my thouths With you
Toxic is toxic no matter who it is, just because it’s your mother does not mean she should be saved from ties being cut. I’ve cut out my mom because I finally just couldn’t handle the toxicity she brought into my life. I’m sorry you are going through this but sometimes cutting ties is the best thing you can do❤️
Sweetie 6 years ago I left my mother and my whole moms side of my life out of my life my two sons life and my boyfriend life best thing I ever done besides me missing my brother but my mom also loves playing head games im sorry for what you are going threw I know its hard but so is having not needed stress hun
It seems that you really just want your mom to be non toxic … as much as I hate to say this it appears she has had quite awhile to practice.
My thoughts are: write.down all the reasons not to trust her and then put the paper somewhere secretly away until the next time you think of trusting her… When you find yourself in that thought bring out the paper with the notes of why she’s not trustworthy. Write you secret or whatever it is on a piece of paper attach it to the original note , fold it all up and put it in your origim!l hiding place and move on , I promise it will get easier. Please remember you are worthy of love and respect.
First take care of you!!! Good
luck ##
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Cut the ties now. She’s abusive and toxic. Hold strong to your decision because she will come at you with anything and everything she can. Giving birth to you doesn’t give her the right to mistreat you your entire life. Walk away and be the best version of you for yourself, your kids, and your husband.
Never had these issues. However, I haven’t spoken to my TOXIC mother is 7 years!! Cut your ties. Mom or not, family or not, toxic is toxic!!! My life has been much more content since I shut my mother out.
Don’t take a ride on that guilt trip. Toxic is toxic. Anything that causes you mental or emotional distress is toxic.
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There comes a time where if you know there’s someone toxic in your life . Then it is time to let go
Whether you like it or not
Its that simple
She won’t change for you at all
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Toxic is Toxic
Regardless of who it is.
You have a responsibility to yourself and your children.
That " I’m your mother " tactic is manipulation and is not a healthy relationship.
Until she is willing to see how it affects you ( and will your children) and makes positive changes Put some space between your family and her.
If she did it to you as her daughter she will her grandchildren.
Abuse, that’s what it’s called.
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People are imperfect and everyone can behave in a “toxic” way, at times. It sounds as if she has a perpetual problem(s). Cutting someone out of your life can be traumatic. I recommend instead learning how to adopt healthy boundaries. Perhaps you can write her a letter telling her that you need some space because of x,y,z behavior and maybe she will repent. If she won’t, just keep her at an arms length.
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Having birthed someone does not make them a mother. Just tell her thanks for birthing you but you will let the mothering go to someone else or do without.