"I am a first-time māma with my rainbow baby after two miscarriages and a stillborn in the last two years.
I love my mum dearly, and she has helped me heaps with my son. The thing is, this morning, my son almost fell out of his walker because when I picked it up with him in it, it fell apart, and as it fell apart, my son ended up hitting his head on the part that came off and left scratches on the right side of his head.
I grabbed him before he fell out. My mother heard it, and the first thing she says is, ‘what did you do,’ grabs my son off me and tries to console him as I did it on purpose, and I wasn’t allowed to console my son until I asked for him back so I could.
As if I didn’t already feel guilty as it was, I feel even worse about it now. When I tried to talk about it with her, she laughed when I said, ‘it didn’t help when you said what did I do’. It makes me feel like I’m not worthy of being a mother when stuff like that is said to me, and I mean, I had doubts in myself when I kept losing my babies.
Now that I have one alive, healthy, and growing fast, I started to think better about it, but when things like that happen, it gets me questioning myself as a mother again. I didn’t know when I picked it up that it was going to fall apart like that, it makes me more aware of making sure that things like that don’t ever happen again by checking over anything I put him into before I put him in it and even more cautious about what I do with him.
I’m looking for anyone who has had things like this or similar happen and how you dealt with it, without making you so depressed and questioning yourself as a mother, a parent, and a protector of the most precious little person in your life."
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“TELL YOUR MOTHER TO GO HOME!”
“No one is perfect at being a parent. EVERY mom makes mistakes with their children especially the first. Don’t feel unworthy. Don’t feel like you can’t tell her she needs to back off. He is your son, not hers, and she needs to respect that.”
“Don’t beat yourself up about it! Being a parent is the hardest job there is and we all make mistakes!! Tell your mother she needs to take a step back and respect you as your son’s mother. I’m sure she made mistakes when you were growing up. No one is perfect.”
“A kid isn’t a kid if they don’t get hurt. I can’t count how many times I’ve bonked my kids head getting them into the car or how many times they’ve fallen off the bed, tripped them, elbowed them, etc. Accidents happen. Both my kids are bruised like bananas. But that’s part of childhood. Accidents happen and you’ll always feel terrible and like you could’ve prevented them, but you can’t. Not always. You’re not a bad mom.”
“Your confidence will come with time. I’m sure you do so many wonderful things for your son but you’ll just dwell on this one thing because you feel guilty. Unfortunately, accidents happen, just try to focus on the fact that your son is fine. Tell your mother that you didn’t appreciate her tone, say what you have to say, and then try to move on. Respect yourself as your baby’s mother and don’t accept less than that from anyone else. All parents have stories of their children injuring themselves. My son is constantly on a mission to injure himself and give me heart failure. You got this, mama.”
“I think you might be blowing it a little bit out of proportion; it was probably just her initial reaction. She doesn’t actually think you’re a bad mother or that you’re not worthy of being a mother. Those are your own insecurities coming out.”
“Every mother has a moment or a dozen when we accidentally cause our babies to get hurt, like stepping on fingers, tripping over them, that stuff happens. I am more concerned about your mother taking over the baby and verbally abusing you. You need to get away from her and help with what is likely postpartum depression. From what you said your mother has no respect for you as a person or a mother, it is time to tell your mother to “F” off you appreciate her help but you don’t appreciate being belittled. Good luck.”
“You’re always going to feel guilty when your baby gets hurt whether it’s your fault or not. Your mom was wrong in doing that, but don’t beat yourself up. All of us have stories of our babies getting hurt.”
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