My Mother Made Me Feel Like I Wasn't Worthy of Being a Mom: Advice?

QUESTION:

"I am a first-time māma with my rainbow baby after two miscarriages and a stillborn in the last two years.

I love my mum dearly, and she has helped me heaps with my son. The thing is, this morning, my son almost fell out of his walker because when I picked it up with him in it, it fell apart, and as it fell apart, my son ended up hitting his head on the part that came off and left scratches on the right side of his head.

I grabbed him before he fell out. My mother heard it, and the first thing she says is, ‘what did you do,’ grabs my son off me and tries to console him as I did it on purpose, and I wasn’t allowed to console my son until I asked for him back so I could.

As if I didn’t already feel guilty as it was, I feel even worse about it now. When I tried to talk about it with her, she laughed when I said, ‘it didn’t help when you said what did I do’. It makes me feel like I’m not worthy of being a mother when stuff like that is said to me, and I mean, I had doubts in myself when I kept losing my babies.

Now that I have one alive, healthy, and growing fast, I started to think better about it, but when things like that happen, it gets me questioning myself as a mother again. I didn’t know when I picked it up that it was going to fall apart like that, it makes me more aware of making sure that things like that don’t ever happen again by checking over anything I put him into before I put him in it and even more cautious about what I do with him.

I’m looking for anyone who has had things like this or similar happen and how you dealt with it, without making you so depressed and questioning yourself as a mother, a parent, and a protector of the most precious little person in your life."

RELATED QUESTION: My Mom Wants Me to Exclude My Stepmom from Family Photos, But I Don’t Feel Right About It: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“TELL YOUR MOTHER TO GO HOME!”

“No one is perfect at being a parent. EVERY mom makes mistakes with their children especially the first. Don’t feel unworthy. Don’t feel like you can’t tell her she needs to back off. He is your son, not hers, and she needs to respect that.”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it! Being a parent is the hardest job there is and we all make mistakes!! Tell your mother she needs to take a step back and respect you as your son’s mother. I’m sure she made mistakes when you were growing up. No one is perfect.”

“A kid isn’t a kid if they don’t get hurt. I can’t count how many times I’ve bonked my kids head getting them into the car or how many times they’ve fallen off the bed, tripped them, elbowed them, etc. Accidents happen. Both my kids are bruised like bananas. But that’s part of childhood. Accidents happen and you’ll always feel terrible and like you could’ve prevented them, but you can’t. Not always. You’re not a bad mom.”

“Your confidence will come with time. I’m sure you do so many wonderful things for your son but you’ll just dwell on this one thing because you feel guilty. Unfortunately, accidents happen, just try to focus on the fact that your son is fine. Tell your mother that you didn’t appreciate her tone, say what you have to say, and then try to move on. Respect yourself as your baby’s mother and don’t accept less than that from anyone else. All parents have stories of their children injuring themselves. My son is constantly on a mission to injure himself and give me heart failure. You got this, mama.”

“I think you might be blowing it a little bit out of proportion; it was probably just her initial reaction. She doesn’t actually think you’re a bad mother or that you’re not worthy of being a mother. Those are your own insecurities coming out.”

“Every mother has a moment or a dozen when we accidentally cause our babies to get hurt, like stepping on fingers, tripping over them, that stuff happens. I am more concerned about your mother taking over the baby and verbally abusing you. You need to get away from her and help with what is likely postpartum depression. From what you said your mother has no respect for you as a person or a mother, it is time to tell your mother to “F” off you appreciate her help but you don’t appreciate being belittled. Good luck.”

“You’re always going to feel guilty when your baby gets hurt whether it’s your fault or not. Your mom was wrong in doing that, but don’t beat yourself up. All of us have stories of our babies getting hurt.”

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28 Likes

You’re beyond worthy of being a mama. Babies don’t hurt that easily, it may have scared him more than anything. I hope this makes you feel better my daughter fell off of my bed when she was 10 months old. I promise you it happens to everyone. Grab that baby and love on him tell your mom where she can go…

Things like this happen to all of us it’s all ok u r not a bad mama ur doing fine shit happens

This is part of being a mother. We all make mistakes, accidents happen but as you said we learn from them. Next time it will be something else. You’re doing your best and fact you even worry about it proves that. Baby will have loads of tumbles and bumps and wait til you bump his head on the car door putting him in :joy: it will happen.
I’d get your mother to back off. Hes your child and should be comforted by you when you are there and something happens.

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Tell your mom to back off. This is your son and you will raise him as you see fit. Accidents happen you didn’t do it on purpose. Don’t beat yourself up kids don’t come with instructions.

Accidents happen don’t feel like you are the only one that things happen but definitely don’t let anyone make you feel like you are not good enough you definitely need to sit down and have a talk about things with your mother

I rolled my son’s fingers up in the car window when he was little :woman_facepalming: lol my mom let me roll off the bed into a trash can and my dad let me fall off the porch and break my nose lol things happen. They don’t come with manuals. Everything will be alright. Just let your momma know you appreciate all her help and guidance but he is your son and you want to be the one to console him. I’m sure she has let things happened to you before lol

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My mil used to do that with my first son you just have to put your foot down and tell her either she backs off and let’s you be the mom or she can leave and if she doesn’t back off put her out your house she’ll either want to be the grandmother or leave. If you don’t stop it now it can and will get so much worse. Also don’t make yourself feel bad trust me it’ll be more falls and scrapes in the future.

We learn from our experiences, none of us know what’s going to work or what will happen when we have babies, especially our first ones, that’s why they’re referred to as the guinea pig or the experiment!
I can assure you, your mum made mistakes, but she did what she thought was best at the time, same as you and most other mums will do, but we need to be allowed to get on with it or we’ll forever doubt ourselves and become the cruddy parents we’re accused of being - not because that’s what we want, but because we’re to afraid to try.
My daughter wriggled out of my arms and I caught her just quick enough that she still hit the floor, but not hard enough to hurt and she thought it was a game - now I know to hold her tighter or get lower if she’s messing around like this.

Tell your mum, she’s had her chance to parent her kids, but this one is yours and you are the parent. You need to put your foot down and be firm or she will push boundaries xx

Tell her everything you just told us, and let her know that she needs to distance herself if she cannot stop herself from making you feel that way.

Your worthy and you need to remind your mother that your baby is her grandchild, not her other child and if she can’t be respectful and kind and allow you to parent then she loses her grandchild privileges

Yep tell her to leave. If you’re living with her well then perhaps you should move out

Take a step back from your mom. It’s ok to take a break from someone’s toxic behavior for your own mental health.

I happens and u become more aware and try to do different things to try to prevent it hut it happens

Accidents happen mama. Was picking him up in the walker the best idea, no…but so long as he’s ok, it’s fine. You learned a parenting lesson and it’s all good. Tonight I threatened if my son didn’t stop jumping on the couch, I was gonna put him to bed. He jumped again and when I went towards him to carry him to bed he flipped backwards onto our wood floor, noggin first. Shit happens sometimes :woman_shrugging:

Omg. It happens. Kids get hurt. My children are 4&6 now and they injure themselves all the time. Just wait until your babe starts walking. It happens. It’s not the end of the world. & it definitely isn’t your fault. Parenting is hard enough & having someone on the side lines judging you on your every move DOES NOT HELP. I’d be telling your mom to back off , you don’t need the negativity if anything you need someone telling you IT HAPPENS, YOUR A GOOD MOM, DONT LET SOMETHING SMALL LIKE THIS BRING YOU DOWN. :heart::heart::heart:

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Hun we all do these things , your mum just had a grandma moment I’m sure she didn’t mean to upset you .
I have trapped my daughters fingers in the car door before now and when my eldest was a newborn my husband zipped his snowsuit up and it pinched his chin
It’s all a part of parenthood we make mistakes - pick yourself up brush it off and keep going! You are doing great x

  1. Never doubt yourself.
  2. Mistakes and accidents happen, it comes with being a mom.
  3. Your mom is not a perfect t parent i can almost guarantee it. So tell her to be quiet and get out of your house. And tell her if she cannot respect your feelings and not laugh when you tell her stuff then to not come around.

Its ok. When my son was born I was smoking a cigarette and pushing my son in the stroller. I lost the cherry. Turns out it was on his blanket that was covering his head from the sun and burned his head. He has a scar now from it. I felt like a pile of shit. Moral of story shit happens. No ones perfect as a parent. And as a cool lady once told me. There is no right way to parent a child. Your doing great.

Accidents happen mama… There will be more in the future, but rhat in no way makea you an unworthy, or bad mom. If she continues to treat you like this, even after trying to tell her how you feel, it may be best to say thank you and good bye.!

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You will make mistakes. But as a mother you learn from them and grow. This is your first baby, baby will fall off the bed, fall off a step etc…accidents will happen regardless of how hard you try to prevent them. Don’t be so hard on yourself and just tell your mom that you understand that she is trying to help you, but she really needs to take a step back and let you learn. She had her opportunity to raise children. I fight with my mother tooth and nail when it comes to certain things. But she never goes above me as my children’s mother.

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I think you might be blowing it a little bit out of proportion it was probably just her initial reaction she doesn’t actually think you’re a bad mother or that you’re not worthy of being a mother. Those are your own insecurities coming out.

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My first time cutting fingernails, I tilted the clippers so I could see better. I clipped a portion of her fingertip off. It bled, she screamed. I thought I was the worst parent possible. I still feel bad when I think of it. The first person I called was my mom to come over and make sure my baby was ok. I’m sorry your mother is unfairly treating you. She is wrong. You are a great mom and tell your mom to step aside. She should never have treated you like that.

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You’re always going to feel guilty when your baby gets hurt whether it’s your fault or not. Your mom was wrong in doing that, but don’t beat yourself up. All of us have stories of our babies getting hurt.

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She needs to leave. You’re worthy of being a mom. Don’t ever let anyone question that. Shit happens, no parent is perfect.

All parents make mistakes. Your mother would be lying to you if she said she never made a mistake. Don’t let this make you think less of yourself.

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Tell her to get lost

Your confidence will come with time. I’m sure you do so many wonderful things for your son but you’ll just dwell on this one thing because you feel guilty. Unfortunately accidents happen, just try focus on the fact that your son is fine. Tell your mother that you didn’t appreciate her tone, say what you have to say and then try to move on. Respect yourself as your baby’s mother and don’t accept less than that from anyone else. All parents have stories of their children injuring themselves. My son is constantly on a mission to injure himself and give me heart failure :see_no_evil: You got this Mama :heart:

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No one is perfect at being a parent. EVERY mom makes mistakes with their children especially the first. Dont feel unworthy. Dont feel like you cant tell her she needs to back off. He is your son not hers and she needs to respect that.

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I had something similar to this happen to me once. I picked the walker up to go over a grassy area where it wouldn’t roll easily. The one end slipped out of my hand and landed on the backend. My daughter wasn’t hurt at all as her head was still protected. But this occurred in front of a bunch of strangers who gave me looks like I did it on purpose. Not a single person came to help or check on the baby. She was fine, never even cried but I felt so judged and humiliated.

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Every mother has a moment or a dozen when we accidentally cause our babies to get hurt, like stepping on fingers, tripping over them, that stuff happens. I am more concerned about your mother taking over the baby and verbally abusing you. You need to get away from her and help with what is likely postpartum depression. From what you said your mother has no respect for you as a person or a mother, it is time to tell your mother to “F” off you appreciate her help but you don’t appreciate being belittled. Good luck.

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A kid isn’t a kid if they don’t get hurt.

I can’t count how many times I’ve bonked my kids head getting them into the car or how many times they’ve fallen off the bed, tripped them, elbowed them, etc. Accidents happen. Both my kids are bruised like bananas :joy: but that’s part of childhood. Accidents happen and you’ll always feel terrible and like you could’ve prevented them, but you can’t. Not always. You’re not a bad mom.

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She raise. U. Tell her. U take after her

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Don’t beat yourself up about it! Being a parent is the hardest job there is and we all make mistakes!! Tell your mother she needs to take a step back and respect you as yours sons mother. I’m sure she made mistakes when you were growing up. No one is perfect.

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I’m sure The grandma didn’t mean nothing by the statement. My family All do it… in a joking way but sometimes just a reactive comment… " What did you do?" A question… People are to easily offended These day’s. Grow up

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If I based my ability to be a mom on all of the accidents that have happened with my son I’d be in trouble! You will quickly learn they are babies stuff is going to happen they are accident prone :sweat_smile: As for your mom it seems like you need to put your foot down in a respectful way! Yeah she’s your mom and she’s obviously raised kids, but at the end of the day that’s your baby she needs to know her place. Don’t beat yourself up over it your baby’s fine just take stuff like that with a grain of salt! You’ve got this!

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My mom did the same thing with my son. He would get hurt and she would respond with “what did you do or what did you do that for”. And after I told her I dont like her saying that i need her to respond in another way. Like “what happened are you two ok”. It really helped. She would also take him to console him and I would have to ask for him back so I told her not to unless I asked for help. But I just want you to know you are doing great! Accidents happen, they are great for learning. But always remember you know your little best! You’re his mommy and he loves you and thinks you are the most magical amazing mommy ever!

Kids don’t come with a manual, neither do accidents, especially if it’s your 1st. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s normal. AINT NO MOTHER PERFECT. Idc what they say. We do all make mistakes rather it’s our first kid to our 10th kid. Your mother is way to controlling. You really need to stand up to her nicely. Maybe I really enjoy the help but THIS IS MY KID . And put your foot down if not she’s gunna railroad you over

As a mother you want to protect your babies from anything but that’s not always the case. Accidents happen and all we have to do is handle the situation at hand. My grandma has been taking care of kids since she was barely a teen is now 70. With my oldest she would always say I wasnt taking care of him right or taking care of anything right. We stayed at her house and my youngest 19 months climbed on a chair to get cupcakes, dumped them out, and as I was picking them up he started to fall as I was next to him and I was trying to prevent him from falling with my leg and he still fell. My grandma got a cold pack for his head and told me “no matter how much you try to protect them things happen.” She just stopped watching kids last yr so she knows pretty much everything about kids. Next time something happens just give her a task like ask her “hey can you give me a cold pack for his knee?” or “can you get me the safety kit?” You can console your baby and she will feel like she’s helping. I dont think she was trying to be mean, I just think it was reaction because she was scared the baby got hurt. Youre an amazing mom for wanting to console your baby and just love on him after the accident happened. Every mother feels like they can do something better but as long as the baby is ok and hes perfectly happy then you’re doing a good job.

I am in the same situation more or less. Perfect baby girl after trying forever. My mother is a very motherly strong woman. She helps alot and alot of times things she does also makes me feel like a bad mother. My baby suffers from tummy cramps and can get really upset if she has gas or a burp that won’t pass. Then you struggle to hold her in alot of ways because every position hurts. I told my mom once that she made me feel like a horrible mother if baby is crying and I’m trying to soothe ,burp or feed her and she just comes and takes the baby away making cooing grandma noises. She said she was sorry but she didn’t mean to make me feel like a bad mother because if she had seen me mistreating my baby she would’ve taken her away permanently. She just admitted that she absolutely hated hearing the baby cry even for just a second because it’s the apple of her eye. And she knows a trick or two on how to deal with cramps and so. So from now on if I see my mother doing something and she stops crying or laughs ,I look and study my mother on what she does so that I can do it. I always listen to her remedies (even if I don’t always agree). Don’t get me wrong I am with my baby 99 percent of the time. My mother just feels comfortable with me enough that she can walk up and take the baby. Remember that’s her first grandbaby and grandparents will challenge anyone and everything to give their grandbaby the best. Sometimes that can come out very hostile and invading. Be sure to talk to mom. Tell her you feel like a bad mom sometimes when she does certain things. Instead urge her to talk to you when she takes the baby. Ask her what position is that your holding him in ,teach me. If she sees you want to constantly do better and ask for her advice (even if you don’t follow it) she will calm down. When she sees you applying certain methods she uses she will be proud. Remember it’s her love just as much as yours. However, if you talk to her and she makes it’s obvious that she thinks your a bad mother or is still being down putting and invading set boundaries. Tell her that you would appreciate it if she doesn’t just take the baby because it’s a MOMS job to be the safe, comforting and soothing hug after a fall or injury. Accidents happen. If you know you didn’t do it on purpose don’t blame yourself and make sure that it doesn’t happen again. Double check things. If you are doing that ,you are already better than you were before. Because you are actively learning and improving on mistakes. Listen we aren’t super heroes. We also have to learn just as our children do. Love comes naturally for a baby ,the skillset needs to be taught to us. Also don’t be afraid to ask grandma to help soothe. Grandma’s and grandpa’s are there to spoil kids with love. Make sure it doesn’t impact your routine but every now and again it’s heaven for a little one to feel like grandma would do anything for them ,snacks hugs love. Perhaps she really is just in the frame of mind that she can’t stand to hear baby cry , is afraid something will happen to baby , and knows she can handle a baby.

The only advice that you always pick up your kid ,by himself , so he is safe in your arms , and than if you need to move a toy or anything else ,you can put the baby in his seat or in his crib, and go move the other item ,there is always the chance that carriers aren’t sturdy enough for moving with the weight of the baby in it ,that’s what your mother ment

Babies have accidents. Things will happen unfortunately, my lil man climbed and fell out of his cot this week, he scared me stupid and yep just like you I felt a terrible mum. Hes 9 months old and just this week started crawling and pulling himself up to standing. And yes it scares me because he does it on everything. Distraction doesn’t work, entertaining him with toys doesnt work, nothing does atm. But you cant live always scared hunni. Scratches, bumps, bruises and probably in case broken bones are going to be in my future. Your mum needs to back off abit, she loves you, and your son and is trying to help, but by taking him away when he needed you to soothe him, she crossed a line, she had her turn being your mum, now it’s your turn and hers to guide, but not control. Be strong hunni and stand your ground with her. Good luck xxx

Just wait til you bash your kids head on the car by accident when you’re getting them out the seat :joy::joy:

In all seriousness, don’t beat yourself up. Accidents happen, nobody is perfect. I don’t like the fact that she didn’t let you console him though. He’s your baby! You’re doing a great job, have more faith in yourself :purple_heart:

Oh hunni I had my rainbow daughter after 8 years of trying and one miscarriage and at 4monts old she fell off the changing table on her head! I felt terrible but she was fine as is your little one, it’s going to happen we not perfect, you should tell your mom to back off though in a nice way

Hi hun i know exactly how you feel i lost 11 babies (including a neonatal death) before i finally got a living baby. Then to top it all off after finally having my rainbow when he was 4 days old I hit his head on the handle to the car seat as i was putting him in it. I cried my eyes and he stayed asleep the whole time so I didn’t hurt him but i felt guilty for days on end. These things happen hun and it doesn’t make you a bad mum, far from it. But your mum, you seriously need to have words with her it’s not needed and she needs to back off x

We all make mistakes as mothers. No need to be hard on yourself. You’re a wonderful first time mommy. We’ve all made mistakes with our first borns. Ppl will always judge you no matter how awesome of a mom you are. Dont ever let anyone make you feel any less.

This is life, accidents happen. All we can do is love our babies and do the best . Boy, I thank God everyday for the miracles he gives me. You are a wonderful MOTHER, dont ever doubt yourself.

Kids will get hurt and you can’t always anticipate what is going to happen. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Somehow the first born gets the worst of it because we are inexperienced but we learn fast.

Being more vigilant than you already are will actually make things worse, you have to learn to let go of (or at least address and cope with) that anxiety about something happening or it will consume you. Things happen, kids get hurt, you will never avoid these mishaps. Your feelings about your mom’s comment come from that anxiety and self-doubt, not from your mom doing anything wrong. This one is on you, and it’s about your inner monologue, feelings, and your doubts, it’s not on her. Also, seriously you didn’t do anything wrong, kids fall. He’s fine, you need to worry about you.

Ok so I wanna say she was just startled and that’s why she lashed out and felt bad about it I is why she laughed when you brought it up. Hopefully! That being said…you are not responsible for not carrying to term, just like you would never intentionally pick that up knowing it would fall apart. No mom is perfect, ever and accidents happen. You did the best you could in that situation. I feel like you need to be told you are obviously a good mom!

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Almost sounds like she thinks she’s the mom. Maybe take a little space from her for a bit. When she asks why tell her when she treats you with respect you’ll be there.

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Momma get use to it and do NOT beat yourself up about it, accidents unfortunately happen, especially with little ones, and especially before and after they learn to walk. Clearly your mother doesn’t know motherly love and support or she would not have laughed. Just learn from her and be a better mother than yours when your child grows to be an adult. Set your boundaries with her, and tell her no one is a perfect mom, including her, because in my opinion a good mother would not have laughed when you expressed yourself.

Sending love and positive thoughts your way. You are a beautiful person and a good mummy. Don’t let anyone make you feel any different. Xxxxx :heart: my mum undermines me when I have my granddaughter stay. Makes me feel like I am doing everything wrong. But I know I am not. So I try my hardest not to let it get to me. But it does, so I totally understand how you feel. Just know, that you know, that you are doing OK xxxxxx

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Your going to question motherhood worthiness everyday. But it doesn’t mean you’re not worthy. The fact that you are nervous about making sure everything is done right proves that you are worthy. Tell mom to back off a little bit, and let it be a mom. Period. Be direct. If your not direct it will only get worst. Speaking from experience.

Your doing just fine mama.

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I feel for you so much right now. Unfortunately I dealt with the same from my mom when i had my first child. I lived with her at the time and was a single parent. Everything I did was “wrong”. If I didn’t do something how she would do it then I wasn’t doing it right. I was never fast enough, good enough, nothing. It took so much away from my first experience as a mommy. We fought all the time because of it. I was exhausted physically, mentally, a d emotionally. It literally was the lowest time in my life. Depressed, sad, mad, I felt stuck, and it was not at all how I thought I’d feel becoming a mom. I say all that to let you know that you are not alone. And I want you to know that it won’t be like that forever. As time goes by and she sees you being a good mama and your baby blossoming into a great kid, she’ll back off a bit. It’s hard sometimes for grandmas too. As long as you are not putting him in any real danger and taking care of him and showing him love and attention…then that’s all that matters. Things happen. All the time. They’re gonna get bumps and bruises. They’re gonna fall and trip. It’s alright. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I’m sure you’re a wonderful mom! Just try to stay calm and not argue with her. Easier said than done sometimes I know. But if you both can communicate where you’re coming from and agree on a common goal(a happy healthy child) then things should work out. Since I moved out a few years ago my mom and I get along way better. We still disagree on some stuff when it comes to parenting but we can stop ourselves from fighting about it now. Just always know you are worthy of being a mom. You mean the world to your child. And do your best not to let your mom get in your head. Much love! Best wishes!

Hugs momma! It’s not easy when the people you love do that. I would talk to her and explain how it made you feel and try to explain you need support and love not accusations. My ex-husband did that with our first son and in fact it impacted how I bonded with the baby from the very beginning and impacted my entire relationship with my oldest son. When we divorced and I became the sole custodial parent it has impacted our relationship immensely because I distanced because I had post partum depression and a jack ass of an ex. If he was so great he could care for the baby. I left in the end. My 6 yr old and I still have a fragile relationship that we work on daily.

Set healthy boundaries with your mother let her know that you need to learn as a mother juat as she did. Ask her calmly to please step aside and let you handle the situation or you will never learn and your son will not trust you when he is hurt the next time. Also ive been taught the word NO is a complete sentence and doesn’t require explanation. When being said out of love…

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Tell her tgtf. Not nicely either. I have had many miscarriages and its really does kill you inside and make you question your own body. You are mum. You are amazing. You carried a wee healthy beaut. You will make mistakes - everyone does. Next time granny wants to be a cunt remind granny of all her parenting mishaps throughout your childhood. She’ll be annoyed but you will be correct. Truth hurts as they say - plus you sound like you’ve totally reached the limit❤

Accidents are going to happen! My mom used to make jokes when I was pregnant with my daughter who is almost 5. She used to say I would be the mom who would forget their kid in the car. Or other snarky stuff like that. And now my pregnant with my second daughter due in December and she STILL says stuff to me like that. That I need to do better and be better. My now hubby has 3 older kids and I’m not used to it. So I’m still learning. So I still make mistakes and she still gets onto me for every little thing. I try to just ignore her because if I say anything she gets upset and doesn’t talk to me. So I try and just ignore her and keep my kids at home away from hers as much as possible.

Accidents happen. Thats life. But you need to stand up to her. Let her know how you feel, and dont let her get away with it. You are the mom. You child will always be with you. If you let your mother continue to undermind you it will continue to happen and cause more problems later. Stand up for your self. Its your child and your life.

Accidents happen do not let her make you feel bad my baby rolled off the bed when he was like 5 months old and I felt so bad I just turned around for a second and bam. Crap happens doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of being a mom!

Shit happens mama. My hubby was tossing our little girl in the air when she was about a year old, didn’t realize he was under the ceiling fan :frowning: our babies have rolled off the bed, slid off the counter when we have sat them up there next to us. It doesn’t make you any less of a mother because you had an accident with baby. If you weren’t worthy, you wouldn’t have felt so horrible about it happening. Your mother was completely in the wrong for treating you that way. She sounds absolutely toxic.

My son has a skin condition and part of the skin condition is blistering and raw skin. I used paper tape,gauze and triple antibiotic on the bad spot on his back. When I went to remove the taped gauze (even loosened it up by wetting it first)…his skin came with it and he screamed at the top of his lungs. Nobody told me that adhesives would either cause a reaction with his skin or that it would peel is skin off like sunburn. I cried so hard and felt like a terrible mother because my baby got hurt when I was just trying to help him heal properly. Please don’t beat yourself up, accidents happen! Also, you need to put your foot down with your mother. There needs to be boundaries set and you need to stand up to her and make your point that your HIS mother

Your mom is out of line! Accidents happen all the time, you can’t prevent everything. The fact that she took him and wouldn’t let you console him :face_with_symbols_over_mouth::face_with_symbols_over_mouth::face_with_symbols_over_mouth::face_with_symbols_over_mouth: I would have lost my shit!!! You’re a good mom, don’t doubt that!

She needs to back off. Accidents happen dude. Won’t be the last time something life this happens. Don’t beat yourself about it.

I think what makes you a good mother is just the fact that you are trying so hard to be one. You are doing a great job but accidents do happen and it was definitely not your fault. I think most moms completely understand. Even when they get hurt and you are not involved whatsoever you will still feel horrible. Its what mothers are supposed to feel. We want to protect our babies from everything.

I don’t know you but you need to read toxic mom toolkit… you did nothing wrong your mom is the one at fault. You were triggered then gaslighted nothing todo with a perfectly common accident that you were right there on top of and handling the situation exactly like a good mom does.

Kids are gonna get hurt, parents are gonna learn. This is how we teach ourselves to be better stronger parents- don’t worry about the small little accidents ( obviously small accidents means non major injuries, non life threatening- just so we are clear). However grandma’s behaviour is what concerns me. Sorry to say if you do not stand up for yourself now, and take charge of the situation, it is only going to get worse as your little blessing gets older. It could get very ugly to the point she could fight for custody, or less dramatic as the child will learn to disrespect you bc he/she see’s grandma getting away with it. Either situation is not ideal. I pray God gives you the courage and strength to continue to be the wonderful mother you are. God bless and many MANY good vibes sending your way. :two_hearts:

First off don’t be so hard on yourself, accidents happen and it’s not like you did anything on purpose or even recklessly to hurt your son. Non of us are perfect and that’s ok, we learn with every mistake made and we grow from it. Kids don’t come with how to books attached to them and it’s a learning process for us all through their lives. I’m sure your mom has made her fair share of mistakes with you but it’s how we handle those mistakes that make us better parents. Kids get hurt, things break and life keeps moving along. Don’t beat yourself up over things you can’t stop and don’t become hyper mom either cause then you stop your son from being able to grow and learn himself just be aware of the danger you can foresee and love him and you’ll both do fine.

Sometimes people say thoughtless things. -telling her how she made you feel, you gave her an opportunity to apologize, and thats not where she decides to go with it. She very well.may have meant no harm, and also just sucks at apologies, but this is what it comes down to… your son needs a happy momma. Not a perfect one. And this parenting gig- infinite #of ways to do it ‘wrong’ and not one single way to do it right. So don’t beat yourself up, and don’t let her do it to you either.

I dropped a large can of soup on my 1st baby girl. She was on the bed laying in front of me between my legs and I was cleaning out a bag and it slipped. She’s fine and 8 years old now. I also closed our front door twice in a row on my 2 year olds fingers recently. I didn’t realize she had come around the corner and couldn’t figure out why it didn’t close the first time. One time I laid my diaper bag across the handle of our stroller and flipped it. Stuff is going to happen. The fact that you worry about being a good mother is what makes you a good mother. Love your baby and always try to do what you believe is right. Doubt won’t go away. I think most people have doubtful moments. But that’s what makes us keep trying harder :wink:

You will always question your abilities as a mother, it’s normal. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes, e.g. check out all your child’s equipment, to make reasonably sure that it is safe. You can also learn from constructive criticism and support, which excludes emotional criticism or blaming. You are not going to feel good about everything you do. Just move on but take the lessons with you.

Dont ever question yourself, even by worrying like this proves your an amazing mother and that you care :heart::heart::heart:. Children have accidents, toys and things break, that’s part and parcel of growing up. Dont beat yourself up over something that wasnt your fault. Your doing an amazing job, well done xxx

Your baby is going to get bumps and bruises, ots best not to pick baby up while in anything that is not a carseat, unless your sure it’s safe. But accidents happen…all the time. I dropped my baby (rainbow baby also) on accident all i could do is console him and learn from it. You’ll do just fine try not to take things so harsh

My conversation with my mom about her insulting my parenting came with a lot of emotions and tears from both sides. Have the conversation now, before she starts undermining your parenting in front of kids who understand. I made the mistake of brushing it off for years. 10 years ago, the conversation was had, and my relationship with my mother is better than ever before, and my kids behavior turned around once I had no one undermining me.

I am so sorry that your mom is like that… they and remember that the issue is with her… not with you. As long as you try your best, you’re a good mama. She is forcing her feelings of failure upon you. I’m so sorry you’ve lost babies before they could be born… that is nothing you did. Shit happens… and here you are now. Be strong, mama. You’re doing great!

Accidents do happen, everyone has confirmed this, don’t beat yourself up! I can see how this comment made you feel after waiting so long for a baby, and you want everything to be perfect. We can all tell you love your baby, that’s really what matters! I’m sure this moment was intense and was scary, always try to stay calm for your baby’s sake. As far as others comments, be strong and over look them as much as possible. Try to remember that your Mother has been waiting a long time to be a grandma, she is just as worried and scared as you, not only for the baby but for you. I’m thinking she didn’t have time to think of what was said. Don’t sweat it this time, if it continues tell her she need to support you in this adventure or she won’t be able to spend as much time with her grandchild because you will not be treated like this in front of your child. Try to relax and enjoy your baby they are only little once and this time will be with you always❤

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Your a 100% worthy remember that hes your child. We all have accidents things happen no body is perfect. And my mom is the same way she thinks she right about everything and makes me feel the same way. . You are the only person who knows whats best for your child no one else. Sometimes it hard to push away what someone important to you say.

Everyone on here has said what you need to hear. Do not doubt yourself as a Mom. My son had to have stitches when he was 2. He fell going upstairs. And he is 36 now and doing great.

Your mum is an asshole. I’m not sorry to be so blunt here. You are worthy of being a parent, accidents happen and her reaction was out of order. If you don’t live together then tell her unless she accepts that you are the parent she’s no longer welcome in your home. If you do live together she needs to respect some boundaries. I am sick if seeing things like this. Grandma’s need to be grandma’s and fuck right off with the Interfering.
I’ll bet you’re doing amazing. You have craved this child more than many will know due to the losses. You are wonderful and learning everyday. Making new memories with baby and figuring out all the mama stuff as you go, like the rest of us. Of course advice is always nice but your mother has over stepped, especially judging by how upset you seem. :heart:

This his me right in the feels. How do you even tell your mom to let you raise your kids. Especially when she says I raised you and your fine!! Or I want the best for them. Like I dont. Hang in there mama. You are not alone!! You got this!