My Mother Wants a Relationship With My Baby Daughter But Not With Me: Advice?

Maybe if your sister stays with her… I wouldn’t be comfortable with them being dropped off in that situation. But ultimately it’s your decision. Your Mom will hopefully come to her senses soon and if not then she only has herself to blame.

No. It’s toxic all the way around but more so if she has no relationship with you. From experience just let me say that it is complicated. Did your dad cheat. Was he abusive. Do you spend more time with your dad. Dont destroy your relationship with your mom. Take her to counciling with you and try to get it resolved. Or everyone loses out

You are not wrong. Your mother is being an a…h… I had to break off relations with my mother as she was so violent and vile. I think my kids met her maybe two brief times in their life and that’s just the way it had to be. Sometimes we are born to women who are not really mothers to us. Mine was not a mother to any of her children. Don’t feel guilty about it, either. You need to do what is best for you and your family. Hugs and best wishes to you and y our baby.

I’m sure there more to the story as a whole…has your step mother mistreated your bio mom? Has your dad? Has your mother just been jealous?
No matter what as long as a person is good to you and your baby you can be around them …its none of your mother or anyone’s business…you are not incharge of making anyone happy but you your husband and child…you invite your mother to come see your child if she refuses OH WELL!!! And heck no!!! Sending your child to her!!!

Absolutely not! If you don’t want a relationship with me by or you can’t act like a respectful adult, you don’t get to see my child.

no I would not let her have my child with out me being there… if she wants to see it she can come over or have you over or such… it is your child… and I surely would no t let it be with her with out me if I was you… or dropped off for her by your sister…

No she would not see my child if she doesn’t want to see me the father
I would not even answer her.stay strong.

No no no that her choice she needs to grow up and be an adult

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When she is older, I can see some arrangements being possible, but not at this time.

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You are the mother and it is your right to say who can be around your child and who can’t be. It’s sad that your mum has that attitude, she needs to change it if she wants a relationship, it has to include you.

You only have one mother… that being said if your mother wants to act like a child then that child is not responsible enough to take care of another child until your mom grows up and acts like an adult then she has no rights

No. She wants control over something that is not her business to control. She may try to come between you and your child. She needs to grow up!

Tell ur mom to kiss the south side of a north bound donkey. It is your baby and you don’t let nobody dictate who can and cannot be around ur daughter. It is her loss not yours

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You’re not wrong! Your mother is being childish! She cannot tell you who is to be in your home or around your daughter. Grandmas are very important in a child’s life, but you’re in the right here! I’m a grandma and nothing or no one could ever keep me away from my grandchildren!

No you are not wrong. This is your baby and you get to decide. If your mom wants a relationship with your baby then she needs to have one with you too. & no I would not let my sister or brother or whoever take my child to see her.

Sometimes Mothers (grandmothers) forget how they were when they were having their children. Out of respect for your child, who by the way is an adult and having their own family a Mother needs to back off and allow her child to make those decisions. Be there for them to know they can count on you but do respect on how they are raising their children, your grandchildren.

First you need to ask yourself…do you want a relationship with your Mother…if your answer is no walk away…maybe time will change both your feelings…then ask yourself…are you ok with your sister visiting with your Mother when she has your daughter…and I’d agree with someone who said, families come with baggage…sooner or later you have to put away the baggage…pray on It!

You are not wrong. Your Mother is being selfish and childish. That is your daughter. No way would I let my child go with my sibling to a home where I m not welcome. She made her bed and now she needs to lie in it. She doesn’t run your life or your childs.

You are right on target. It is her control…not your problem. Just say no. Your job is your child’s welfare. You just caan’t trust your sister or your mother with their plans

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You are not wrong. I would not let anyone have a relationship with my child and not with me. I would worry about whats going on when I’m not involved. If your mother wants to see her grandchild then it should be with you.

I wouldn’t… I had a mother in law that didn’t want anything to do with my then husband his son and me… the mother of his daughter. She wasn’t even a teenager and the grandmother had turned her into a snobby brat that was disrespectful to everyone… it was like he little minni clone. She listened only to get Grandma a d not to her dad or mom.

Don’t let her dictate who you or your daughter can see. She wants to use your daughter to control you. How you react sets the stage for your futures. Start out as you intend to go forward.

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Don’t make or have your sister or other family member be the middle man. If your mother wants to be around the baby then she will have to communicate with you or your husband. You have enough to deal with on the baby end with covid. The baby shouldn’t be shuffled around this time of year either.

Grandma’s are special people. It’s best for the child. As time goes on she may change her mind.

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No way tell her and everyone that wants to help her to take a hike and if she feels you are abusive or neglecting your child I guess she can try to take you to court just because she is your mother and grandmother of the child does not mean you have to associate with her of she doesn’t want to with you.

Knowing how your mom feels about your dad and the simple fact she doesn’t want a relationship with you. I would feel very uncomfortable having my baby with your mom. Your baby your decision. Do whatever you have to do to protect your child.

Keep my child with my choices if grandma lives another 12 my child can decide is they want a relationship with her.

You’re not wrong. Your mother has some issues she needs to address with a counselor.

You are in your right as the child’s PARENT to choose who can have contact with her. If they can’t take the time to show you respect, than allow NO ONE TO RAKE YOUR CHILD ANYWHERE.

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Nope. Without communication with me as the parent, she would have no contact, period.

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No. If she wants it she can straighten up her attitude and be an adult. As an adult she should respect her adult kid as a parent. Just enjoy your little one. And keep the drama outside.

Nope absolutely not! I would never let her near my child under those circumstances!

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Don’t let her dictate what you are doing. You can have anyone around to visit. I had a MIL who want to dictate how I took care of my children, my marriage, and my house.

No my child you can’t see me then you have no reason to be around my child I come from a divorced family my mother would never tell me who to have my child around my bio dad is a addict and drunk and she had never told me to keep my kids from him

I don’t have a relationship with my mom for a real good reason and I have 4 kids. I told them they are allowed to see her when they move out and make their own choices as a adult. Just don’t drag me into her stuff. My oldest is 18 and has talked to her. My 16 year old doesn’t care (he is a boy). My 14 and 10 year old doesn’t see her. It’s my choice I am the Mom. Plain and simple. I dont trust her at all.

Absolutely don’t let her see her or drop her off if she don’t want a relationship with you or your husband.

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Naaahhh homie. My mom and I have had several ups and downs we’re close now, but even when we were arguing we communicated enough for her to see my kids but that was it. If she doesn’t want to be grown enough to communicate JUST about the kids, nah nope. #bye

I just want to know what grown ass adult “mother” behaves the way she is behaving. That is drama for teenagers. Not adults. As far as her not wanting your stepmother around the baby, well too bad. She doesn’t have to like it, but no one is telling her to be there to visit the baby at the same time your dad and stepmother are there. That is nothing more than jealousy and drama that you don’t need. And as far as her wanting your sister to pick up your baby and bring her to someone that can’t even be adult enough to communicate with you and try to work through your differences, I have no words. At least none that I will use on Facebook.

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No way would I allow my infant to be taken from my house to appease anyone…including the baby’s grandmother. Only the parents dictate who spends time with the baby. What a selfish mother/grandmother! SMH

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NO!!! Do NOT let anyone take your baby from you to your mother. Your mom is being unkind to both you and your sister by making her be the go between! Tell her she can come see the baby at your house and to leave your sister alone! Tell your sister you told her that too! It sounds like she is trying to drive a wedge between you two as well!

No way! It took me 6 months to spend more than a few hours away from my baby. And my mom came to my house to watch her. She never even slept over at my mom or sisters until she was almost a year old! No way is a third party taking my kid away to someone who won’t even talk to me! How do I know they will follow the instructions especially something as important as feeding times sleeping schedule and any other necessities

YOU ARE THE MAMA. God gives women a larger language/speech/reasoning and intuition part of the brain. He does not make mistakes. If you are not comfortable with it, don’t. You train people how to treat you. Let me say that again. YOU TRAIN PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU. AND YOUR DAUGHTER. If you let this happen now, what happens later?

Stand your ground, the grandchild is a package with parents too. The reason I say this is if your child to grandma’s without you, you don’t know what things she will tell the child, about grandpa and his wife, she certainly has issues there, and she’ll show the child that it is ok to treat the child’s parents badly.

I’d be pretty angry. But my ex sis in law sucked and didn’t want my nephew at my house. My husband and I both have to pass extensive background checks for work so no drugs, alcohol, skeezy behavior. At first it was that I didn’t know how to change a diaper… I was a CNA for 12 years before becoming an RN b4 the child was born. The last excuse was that my dogs might attack him (her brother’s purebred was ok though. Until he did bite the kid. Mine were super protective of kids) my mom had him for a week and brought him to my house , where she stayed with him. Apparently he kept asking for my dogs all the way home to the next state over.

It is your job as a parent to guide and guard your child. I would not allow anyone who behavrs as your mother has to be around my child without very close supervision from myself or my husband.

Why does your Mother not want your Dad’s girlfriend to be around your daughter? Is she jealous, or just not liking that your Dad has a girlfriend? Or does she know more about the woman than you do? However whatever her reason, she is being unreasonable with all of you and especially with her Granddaughter. Hope and pray she doesn’t carry this behaviour on too long, and realize she is being selfish and childish. This is not your problem to fix, it is your Mother’s.

You are absolutely NOT wrong. That is your baby and you have every right to feel that no matter who it is if they want to be in your child’s life then they need to include you. You are protecting your child not some grown persons grudges.

Yes she does need to be in your life if she can’t be with the whole family than that’s her chores and her loss

I agree with Mileana, can not see you cannot see the child. You are raising your little girl, sounds though your mother could be a big problem later,causing friction between you and your daughter. Your life your child. NOT YOUR MOTHERS.

You’re not doing anything wrong now but if you let your mother get away with this, that would be wrong!

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You are not wrong, you have to raise your children your way and the grandparents need to respect that. It would be a disaster if you let others take control and not have you involved in the decision. As a grandparent myself I may not like some things and some decision for my grandkids thier parents make, but I have to accept the fact that we raised our children and now we need to let them raise theirs. But stay in their lives and don’t talk discouraging about hiw we feel they are being raised around the children. I love all of my children and grandchildren. I would not put down any parent in front of the child. Learn to agree to disagree but not in front of the kids. This world is to messed up already to mess up any special time with my family…

So she is demanding visitation of a child that isn’t hers? 100% on her terms? With no court order? So she wants a privilege, but that privilege is according to her terms. Not to mention dragging your poor sister into the mix… hard pass on my end.

I say she is your daughter your rules. If she isn’t comfortable something she has a personal problem. If you do not feel comfortable with letting YOUR child go, don’t. Grandma has to learn you are your own person. Your no longer under her rule.

No you are not wrong she is. Your child if she cannot except you and your child she doesn’t deserve either and you are her daughter that is so wrong for your mom to acted this way on a personal note if she cannot except the decisions you make in your life then she doesn’t deserve to be in your daughters life either

Your mother needs to grow up. Until then, your daughter is safer not being with her.

No, it is your child. Sounds like your mom is jealous of others. Sorry but yoou need to be careful who has your baby. I agree if grandma w ants to be in her grand daughter’s life, then visit all of you.

You’re mom and you have to do what you think is best. That being said no i would not allow her to have a relationship with your mother.

Nope. Your mother is wrong and should not be allowed to see any of your kids until SHE GROWS UP :+1:

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You have a gut feeling that something is wrong. Do not trust your mom. What if she takes her and moves away. Don’t do it.

I think she needs to pull up her big girl panties, and realize what’s more important, being butt hurt for no reason, or being in her grandbaby life.if she wants a relationship with her, she needs to go through you first…

Your not wrong. I wouldn’t send my children with people who don’t want to even be respectful toward me. How could she think it’s okay? Stand your ground on this and keep your baby safe.

Nope, nope, nope! You’re the mom either she sees you and the baby, or dad and the baby. If she doesn’t initiate a relationship then she doesn’t want to see her grandchild that badly.

No. If she can’t be an adult and be mature enough to have a relationship with her own daughter, even if for the sake of the grand baby, then no. But that’s just me.

She’s acting like a kid grow up woman. If she cant accept you and your honey well it’s her loss. I wouldn’t let her in my life till she grows up.

You are right. No one had a relationship with your child without you in the picture. In the case of divorce it would be different but, I would assume one parent would still be with the child.

Not wrong. Especially at your daughter’s age. She needs to be in your life if she wants to see your daughter. After all, your daughter is part of you

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When your mother grows up, she can have a relationship with YOUR daughter. Good luck

It’s your child I wouldn’t trust her to have your daughter at her house child is too young anyway if she wants to see her at your house fine it’s you choice

Not a chance! Go with your own instincts…no visits until grandma grows up and behaves!

Um, yeah, No and oh heelll NO. Your child is your decision as to how they are raised… a mothers choices are her choices granny can make suggestions only and if she is not adult enough to be reasonable then sorry granny you dont get to see the kid… its that simple. Most states do not have grandparent rights. Personally if my adult children ever felt the need to ask me to back off with my grandkids Id suck it up and back off… in the meantime I offer counsel when asked and make suggestions here and there but it is absolutely not the mother nor the mother in laws place to tell you how to raise your child unless you are physically harming or neglecting the child… but can I still give the grands cookies?

Oh hell no!! You all are a package deal. Plus, sounds like, IMO, your mother would disregard your wants/needs of YOUR child and do as she pleases. She wants to see your daughter, she should have to speak with you and your hubby. Plus, she should have to start out with supervised visits in your presence.

You are not wrong. She is not respecting you decisions as a mother or father. She can’t have a relationship with your daughter since she does not respect you.

You are not wrong. You have the right to decide when and where your infant daughter meets and forms relationships.

Your mother is using your child to get back at your father. In my opinion she is unbalanced and by no means do you allow her access to your child. You are her mother and are expected to protect her from people like your mother,

You should be allowed to decide your child’s life/ relationships there in at least until child is old enough to decide for themselves

Your child’s world is the most secure when his or her primary family is secure. It is not good for the child to get “disapproval” messages about one or more family members. That said, you are acting on hearsay.
How about going and talking with your mom somewhere neutral and finding out what SHE says?
Maybe it isn’t at all the way 3rd parties have portrayed it.

Your mom needs to get over herself. That’s your child-not hers. You didn’t pick your father-she did. In doing so she also picked a grandfather for her future grandchildren regardless if they stayed together or not.

No your not…its hurts and its confusing because she’s supposed to be overjoyed that she has a grandchild and that you and her grandchild are in great health that’s all that should matter. You’re a mother now you’re only concerns should be of you, your child, and your family…for her to choose herself at a moment like that in both your lives is selfish and childish…focus in your family and child time will heal all wounds

If she can’t be respectful to you as THE BABY’S MOTHER, then no way!!
If she wants to be a real grandmother, then she needs to stop putting herself first and think of your baby.
She’s a grown, selfish, jealous woman - my opinion. I’ve had to deal with toxic women like her in my family, and you have to do what’s best for YOUR CHILD.

Looks like it is a :100: NO based on the comments.

Also, only a few states permit “grandparents rights to visitation”, and that’s only IF there is an established relationship.

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Nope. You and your daughter are a package deal. If she can’t respect you and your wishes as the mom, is she going to teach your daughter respect? Probably not.

No! You are not wrong. If she wants to see your baby, then she needs to come to terms with the baby’s parents, you and your husband. If she won’t, then she may not be stable enough to see your baby!

If she wants a relationship with you and her grandchild she should come to you. I think she has a need for control. You are in control of your family.

No. If she wants to be a part of the child’s life she needs to come to you. She needs to be an adult. Your baby’s well being isn’t about her.

Your mother is childish and needs to grow up. The very idea that is in any sort of way acceptable for her to dictate who can be around YOUR child is crazy and crazier that she would throw a tantrum and not have anything to do with her own child because of it. She made her choice and she can keep her crazy and stay away until she can grow up and act like an adult

Family disharmony is painful, especially if everyone is blaming you for it BUT STAND YOUR GROUND. Trust with your precious child is not a right. It must be earned and this behavior is appalling and will, as the child grows up, put her right in the middle and subject her to criticism of you and your husband and disharmony created in your own home.

You are right. If she wants to be in your daughter’s life, she needs to accept you and your husband. That’s just weird.

We don’t leave infants with children ; your mother is acting like a spoiled child. So, until she grows up and acts like an adult, NO !!! She doesn’t have to like your dad’s girlfriend. I suggest family counseling. I would not allow anyone to take the baby to see her.

This is crazy. If my mother didn’t want to see me she certainly wouldn’t be seeing my baby. She must be jealous of your stepmom. So sad.

Nope! I wouldn’t trust her around my child. She seems super negative and that isn’t what your child needs in her life. It’s your choice who she’s around and I wouldn’t be comfortable just letting someone drop her off when you haven’t even seen her around your mother.

Absolutely not. If your mother is refusing to communicate with you, how will you know what she is saying or doing with your child? What if your child gets hurt and needs medical attention while with her?

The child is yours not your mothers so if she wants nothing to do with you are your husband then i would tell her sorry but no as far as your sister tell her she is not allowed to take the baby to your mothers it may sound harsh but your mother has to realize that you are married and have your own life and the baby is yours not hers

You are not wrong. If your mother wants to be in your daughters
Life that means she needs to be in your. Some time you need to out your differences aside and this is what your mother needs to don

You are NOT wrong. Grandmas like that can do a lot of emotional harm!

No, if she wants to be an adult and and participate as a family, by all means.

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It’s me and my child at that age we were 1. He went where I went. No one took home except daddy!!!

Your mom has some serious issues. No way that I would expose my child to that. Tell her to get professional help and don’t bug you w her manipulative bull crap until…
Sweet new momma…I don’t have the time or space in your life for that. You do you…live your life, grieve for your mom if u have to but leave her unhealthy arse behind…

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No I would not. I have zero relationship with my dad/his wife/their family. My daughter doesn’t even know they exist. I’m comfortable with that!

You are not wrong. To me it takes a lot of gall for your sister to go behind your back and take your child where you don’t want her to be. Your mother made the decision connected to this let her stew in her own juices

Don’t do it! Your daughter is your #1 priority. You don’t want her growing up thinking it’s ok for a mother (yours) not to want to have anything to do with her daughter. ( you) tell your mother if she wants to see your daughter. She needs to mend fences with both you and the father.

No, I would not let her go. Your mother is a bully in every sense of the word and doesn’t DESERVE to be around your child. Now if she changes her mind and decides to include you and your husband then I would let her back in your life. But I would probably not let her be alone with your child!