Call her a disgusting hypocrite then never speak to her again
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Your mom sounds like a huge bitch.
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Shea cruel person! Thatâs a innocent child,sheâs a grown @%#% selfish person! Show your so called mother all these comments. I donât think all these people can be wrong!
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Iâd keep all the grands away from your parents. They are toxic
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Your mother owes her an apology, period!
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Thatâs disgusting behaviour on your mums part! I donât even have any children yet but lots of ânieces and nephewsâ (my friends kids) and they call her nanny gail and my mum treats them as such! If she doesnât want your bonus daughter in her life she shouldnât get to have you or the other children too. X
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Thatâs just wrong period!
Your mother is wrong. I have several grandkidsthat are not my sonâs by blood but they all are my grandchildren and I have never felt different toward any of them. They are all special in my eyes. What your mother did and said is cruel and very selfish . I pray one day she will learn that they are still part of the family.
I have 2 sonsâŚa nine year old "bonus child " who i have raised since he was 4 and my 4 year oldâŚmy mom would NEVER treat my oldest ANY different than my littleâŚshame on her
Wow, who needs enimies when you have family like that
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Thank you for being such a great mom⌠your children will never forget it. Your mom should have more respect than that for that child. Children donât ask to be put in that situation. Be proud of yourself for loving her as much as you do your own . She will always respect you for loving her
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Wow. I would cut her off.
Sorry but give that woman the silent treatment. She deserves no contact because she needs to understand all the children under your roof are part of the family and if she so chooses to leave one child out then you sure can count that woman out for any and ALL family activities until she changes her tunes. Show her you mean business because if you continue to allow this behavior soon enough that child may grow to resent you because that is your mother.
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Praying all will come right ⌠Big hug to your eldestâ:disappointed_relieved:
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Thatâs so wrong and I would definitely cut her off or give her silent treatment for that any kid under your roof should all be treated the same and as family
Who cares what she thinks biased two faced with a âI can do it but you canât mentalityâ girl sometimes family are just relatives thatâs all. Keep her away from your baby girl or put her in her place respectfully !
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Awe so heartbreaking 
Family does not mean blood that little girl is just as much ur family as your birth children Iâd definitely cut ties you donât need that negativity around u or ur family xx
I would have never known my grandpa adopted my mom and uncle before my mom was born. She says she never knew her real dad when I asked her but my grandpa is her real dad he was
Iâm embarrassed for you, that your mother has such a hateful spirit, itâs almost evil.
Sounds like to be you need to limit her involvement in yalls lives. Sheâs toxic and it will never get better.
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This brakes my heart⌠cut grandma out, youâre relationship with the young girl you raised is what is most important, as her self esteemâŚ! This is inacceptable, and your daughter shouldnât have to grow feeling as if sheâs less than anyone else in life.
Any normal mother wouldnât act in that way sheâs useless in your life cut ties move on sorted 
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Gotta cut ties, thatâs just cruel!
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Thatâs unacceptable
Period
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Stop depending on your mother for so much help and stop or highly limit contact for a while.
Sheâs toxic to the 9yo.
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Itâs sad OPs mom feels this way, especially when her kids had a step dad. She expected him to care and love her kids like a real parent, but doesnât want her child to do the same for a child.
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Iâd cut ties. Sheâs being disrespectful.
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Eff her and she sounds toxic I would cut my mother right out of my family if she treated one of my kids like thisâŚhorribleâŚand what did your dad say about it? Its not her business what the child does with her biological mother.
Her part in her granddaughters life is the part where she is your family smh
Just love those babies like you have been. As long as the children are happy donât worry about your Mother. Sheâs not acting like a grandma.
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Thatâs absolutely horrific 
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Your mother is wrong and considering that her husband parented her own kids, it makes no sense at all really. But my question for you, did this just happen out of the blue over you doing the photos? Or has she been acting this way all along for 8 years? If thatâs true, the conversation shouldâve been taken place already. But if it just came up for the first time, then Iâd wonder why and when did her attitude change about your bonus daughter? What is her age? Is she showing signs of dementia or early onset Alzheimerâs? It can start at a young age. To me if it hasnât been going on all this time, to me it means something happened or somebody influenced her thinking or she just turned into a bitch suddenly?
Iâm not excusing her behavior at all, Iâd be the last one okay with it. I am a mom of bio kids, an adopted kid, and I was a foster mom for a dozen kids. They might have had other parents but I treated them all like my kids, although respecting the other parenting relationship if there was one. Iâve only been a step parent to already grown kids, for a short time. But I still included them as family as much as possible but they lived elsewhere. .
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Iâm sorry but I would say if you canât accept one, then you will have none! I wouldnât want to see her or talk to her unless she treats all the children the same. Good luck
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Nasty. She is a hypocrite
First off, my mom would never do this, but if she did, I would walk away and she wouldnât see me or any of my kids anymore. There is no excuse to leave a child out. Itâs hurtful, spiteful and a so uncalled for. I would not stand for it. 
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My boyfriends mom treats my girls like that to, they were 1 and 2 coming into their lives now almost 7 and 8 and they always ask why granny doesnât love them like she does their brother (heâs 3 and her sonâs child) its heartbreaking to watch. All you can do is protect her from whoever is treating her that way. Have you tried telling your mom that if they canât accept her that they arenât going to be a part of any of the kids lives. It can be very damaging to her if she continues to experience it and know whatâs going on. Her seeing that you guys donât allow it and you guys treating her just like the other is the best you can do. It makes no sense that you had a step dad and he accepted you but they wonât accept a âstep childâ from you. Have you ever ask her howâd sheâd feel if your boyfriendâs mom treated your kids that arenât his that way, I bet she wouldnât like itâŚ
Why does she have to rain on your parade. Sheâs Grandma and thatâs a very important roleâŚa nurturing and loving person would love her no matter what. If the last 8 years have been like this then it may be time to cut ties
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I went thru this with who I now call my â egg donorâ. I am unable to have children and my girlfriend has 2 children and everyone in my family has accepted them as my familyâŚ.one day when they finally got to meet her in person she walked right past them and ignored them and said âI have have no children or grandchildrenâ and they were crushed bc they had no idea what they did wrong. 2 weeks before she did that my kids went out of their way to make her a Motherâs Day gift by hand and a card and she made a video for them to say thank youâŚ.so they were super excited to meet herâŚ.but the disrespect she showed that day when she didnât even acknowledge them was crushingâŚ. I lost all respect for herâŚâŚ I will no long refer to her as my mother so is nothing more to me than someone who donated her egg to give me life, just as the man who I donât know who donated his sperm to give me lifeâŚ
Refuse to let her have access to any of your kids or yourself until sheâs ready to accept the reality and apologize to your 9 year old for her atrocious behavior. All those children deserve a healthy relationship with their family, and she is denying that child a grandparent for no reason whatsoever. She needs to be cut out until she behaves better.
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Your mom is a horrible person.
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Her presence around your other children could be detrimental to their sibling relationship if she continues to exclude your 9 year old, she is setting a terrible example for your children
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Mum and step dad need to show some respect for you and your family. Otherwise they know how to use a door.
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Good for you for sticking your ground. Thatâs is your child whether or not you birthed her. She is lucky to have someone like you to love her. My stepmother was a horrible person to me and my siblings and we were ousted by her cause we were not her children. Kids deserve to be loved by all, they did not ask to be here.
I have a daughter that I gained from marriage, she has blessed us with 4 beautiful grand children. Stand your ground and defend your daughter
A lot of hurt there need to set down and talk about it
Lay down the law and tell her how it is. If she doesnât accept straight away then stay away, no contact until she gets it! I mean itâs not like you are being unreasonable, you are wonderful for loving a child not from your womb, like your own!
Iâm sorry your mother is so toxic!! I would limit my visits and phone calls to her ⌠damn hypocrite
Itâs a good thing that your stepdad didnât have the same attitude about you that your mother has for your child. Love them all as you have been.
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Your mum is a nasty woman im sorry and i would not let your step daughter any where near her poor possum over hearing a grown ass woman talk like that
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Iâm sorry your mom has done this to your girl. My own mother has done this to me and my daughter. Itâs been a year now. I cut ties with her. But I have a stepmom who I call my bonus mom who has been there for me for 34 years. And my dad passed away almost 4 years ago. They would have celebrated their 31st wedding anniversary a week ago. To her Iâm one of her girls. Iâm engaged to a guy that has kids. I love them as I love my daughter. He is adopting my daughter. To me they are all our kids. To me your mom should accept your bonus daughter just as you do as your own.
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My petty ass would look at your step dad (since he has an issue as well) and tell him âwell these ainât your grandkids. Iâm not your daughterâ then ask both mom and him how that felt. Then tell them they are doing psychological damage to a 9 year old and they should be ashamed.
You should ask her how your situation is any different from hers when your stepdad entered your life. You have known and cared for your stepchild since she was 1. How old were you when your mom married your stepdad? Has your mom been this way since the step daughter was 1? Her whole life? I wonder how your mom would have handled having a stepchild of her ownâŚ
Iâd tell your mom to kick rocksâŚbye Felicia.
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She is being disrespectful and toxic. And clearly she will treat your birth babies different then your bonus babe. NONE of them need to witness that BS!! I would not tolerate this any longer!
You have been in this childs life for basically her entire life, this is unacceptable 
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Sheâs not paying for any of it so whatâs her problem?? I would keep contact with her to a bare minimum if at all until she accepts all of ur children period
It would be hard, but mom would not be invited to any family celebrations or holidays. When she adks why, just explain that she has made her feelings well kniwn and that your child is more important than her feelings being hurt. Been there and made my own t-shirt
Your mom made a mistake. She made one of your kids feel like he wasnât part of your family. What she showed you was that she may not be part of your family. Iâm so sorry.
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I have two bonus kids and if anyone ever treated them like they were not mine I would cut that person out of my life. Thatâs toxic. I know that thatâs your mom but she should also see that kid as her grandchild. No reason not to love your bonus family!!
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I hope the other mother never allows her back over to your motherâs house. I would be in fear for my child. Think about the neglect and the how much the grandma probably makes her feel like an outcast every time sheâs over there. Hell no.
Thatâs disgusting behaviour from your mother. Iâd love to know what her response was in regards to you being a step child to your step father. Itâs not even a big deal, there is so many blended families.
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You need to choose your step daughter over your parents. Show her you stand by her
If your parents canât accept her I wouldnât let them see any of my kids if it were me
I was 15 when my stepdad came into my life. We immediately liked each other. He married my mom knowing she had four kids. He also had two kids. My dad left the state. He had joint custody but we never visited or really seen him. My dadâs wife wasnât nice. Always had a snide remark to make about my mom. I didnât like hearing her bad mouth her and my dad never stuck up for us. So I never wanted to visit. My stepdad was always there for me and my brother and two sisters. Anyone ever asked how many kids do you have he always said 6. He never said 2 boys and 4 stepkids. He always made us feel that we belonged at the house. He taught me to drive. He walked me down the aisle. He was a amazing grandfather to my daughters. Sadly he passed away. Two years ago on July 4th we watched him take his last breathe off the ventilator. He was the best. You keep sticking you for your daughter. Tell your mom that until she accepts your daughter she sees no one. Kids never forget how the feel.
Wow! I donât even know what to say. Thatâs horrible. Especially the hypocrisy of it all with you having a stepfather. Would she have been okay with him treating you like an outsider because heâs not biologically your father? Wow!
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Tell her to kick mud if she cant accept all of the children. None if them need someone in their life like that anyway
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Itâs a hard one to deal with but you need to assert yourself over her. I would stop her seeing all the kids until she accepts ALL of them as family. My bonus kid was 7 when I met my husband and my parents accepted her with open arms. Sheâs 27 this year and I have had 2 since and my mum treats them all the same x
At this point until she can treat them all the same I would say until you can treat everyone the same not one of them will be over.
Itâs sad but some people live by the standard 'Do as I say , not as I do " I hope your mom comes around
Iâd cut my mom out of my life if she acted like that
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When l started dating my current husband l had a 10 year old son. His family from day 1 treated him like another nephew; cousin; grandkid; and great grandkid. Treated him no different. Itâs a package deal.
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Bye bye to that woman.
Disgusting behaviour
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Set boundaries or go no contact.
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What a beautiful heart you have. Tell your daughter that there will always be people jealous of your relationship with one another, but that their lack of understanding should never impact your abundance of love for each other. Iâd absolutely not allow any further contact with grandma until she understood there was ONE RULE for ALL MY KIDS and that meant unconditional love for them all. Iâd also explain that God gave you your birth children, but that you chose to love her, which makes her even more special! 
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I would cut her loose. If my husbands family treated my son differently because he is not genetically his then they are not welcome around either one of my children.
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I think you need to distance yourself from your mom. If she canât live and care for all of them then she canât spend quality time with any of them!!! I experienced some of this growing up. My stepdads parent only really had anything to do with his daughter. And if you continue to allow your mom to spend time with your other kids your bonus daughter might feel like your not on her side or itâs ok for her to be treated like that!
Wow. Sheâs disgusting for that.
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She should understand that your step dad raised and loved you so why canât you love your step child and she still is the half sibling to your children so should be included in family photos.
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Talk to your step dad one on one and then both of you talk to your mother
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I am so sorry youâre going through that.
I can tell you from experience that she wonât change her mind
She would be cut out of my life very quickly
I cannot fathom why people do this with bonus children. My mom has had several relationships with men and they, and their families, had always welcomed my siblings & me with open arms as their own extention of family.
How would she have acted, had your stepdad treat you the way shes treating your daughter?
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Thatâs definitely toxic and unnecessary! You donât have to accept that <3
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I would cut contact unless she can accept all of your children. That sweet girl deserves better.
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Cut her out bc thats toxic & will hurt ur daughter in the end
Make her clearly understand that if she doesnt quit treating your step daughter different then she will be cut out of all their lives. She needs to grow up!
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Absolutely appalling
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I would cut her out of ALL my kidsâ lives.
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Cut her out of yalls life she is awful and petty and cruel and if you continue a relationship with her it will only hurt your bonus baby and then your step daughter may end up resenting you and your children sorry but your mom is toxic let her go
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As an adopted personâŚâŚnot being blood related doesnât mean you arenât family. I couldnât imagine how she feels hearing that. Is definitely never put her in a position where it could happen again. Iâd be keeping all the kids away unless they are supervised.
Your mom needs a reality check! I raised my grandchildren like my own! I would never intentionally hurt one of them because I didnât give birth to them.
Your mom is toxic! Stay away. Get a new babysitter. Who knows what sheâs telling the other children
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That poor innocent child, your mother is the problem and I wouldnât tolerate that, either she accepts all the kids, or can get lost. Also agree that talking to your step dad, and trying to get him to explain how hurtful she is being.
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If she canât include her guess nobody includes her or ur step dad
Cut contact or lay down boundaries.
Kids are a package deal, her being unable to accept your oldest because sheâs not yours biologically is not okay and your oldest does not deserve to hear such volatile rhetoric.
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My brother and I are bonus kids and while my (step)dad never treated us differently, his family did. It sucked feeling that way, but hearing him speak out on our behalf was nice. They eventually learned that if we (my brother and I) werenât invited, my parents and sister wouldnât be going either. Set boundaries and stick with them, they are your kids do whats best for them!
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Please do whatâs best for child involved. It unfortunately has damaging effects. Iâve learned the hard way. Youâre in a tough spot. Hang in there.
Iâll never understand why people feel the need to do this to innocent children. There is absolutely no reason for and what is the difference in her having your step dad raise you. I would tell her if she canât treat all the same then she doesnât need to see any.
Sounds like she doesnât deserve to be in any of your kids lives
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I would be cutting my mom out if she did that. Way to toxic, and I wouldnât want my kids or bonus kids around that.
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If she canât include all your children then do t include her!
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Toxic is toxic. Just because she is blood does not mean you have to keep her around. She accepts all the children the same or she isnât in their lives. When your biological children get older and they see their sister being treated differently, you wonât want them to think thatâs okay.
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Thatâs awful. Im so sorry that she heard that. As a child that shit sticks with her. Iâm more concerned with that than your mom. Iâd just cut her off honestly. Sheâs way too grown to be acting like this. Children are innocent and itâs not her fault. I hope you, your husband, and her mom can find a way to make her feel special. Good luck momma, Iâm sure youâll do whatâs right for ALL of your kids 