Keep being the beautiful human you are 
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Cut mom out as much as you can. If she cannot accept all the kids, limit her time with all of them. She is an adult and should know better.
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Not sure why she gets so bent out of shape over your bonus baby, I’m thrilled being a mother of 5, two of which I birthed….and you also raised a valid point too…curious what her response was to that!!!
I am 100% in agreeing on that if all the children aren’t included, I’d do the same, but that’s just me…
I can’t imagine how much that wounds her, as well as you….
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I’d cut my mom off. If she couldn’t accept my child wether I gave birth to them or not she doesn’t need to be around me or my kids.
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Even family can be cut off if toxic, stop utilizing her as a babysitter and find someone else, I know 4 kids is expensive but you may be able to get some kind of assistance as well, it’s worth checking into
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Yeah she doesn’t deserve any of y’all. Cut her ass out.
My husband have a yours mine and ours. And the ours is the middle child. The oldest is mine. Pregnant with the 2nd, we split up. He was with someone else and had twins a year later. We got back together and married. They are all 4 ours! I do for one what I do for the other 3. Period. I love all of them. It was hard for a while….there are no pictures of our son as a baby with his dad. He wasn’t the best dad back then. He is a great dad now and that is what matters!
If your mom can’t accept all the kids, remind her of how your step dad raised you.
Make sure your bonus kid knows exactly how much you love them and don’t feel the same way your parents do
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So my grandmother was Luke this but with her biological grandchildren and great grandchildren. I wasn’t good enough for her but my brother was. My kids aren’t good enough for her but others are. I completely cut ties with her. It is the best feeling. To have that toxic person completely gone. My mother talks to her. (It’s my moms mom) and if we have a family gathering if she’s there I don’t go. It’s a great feeling to have the negative out of our life.
Only you can decide if it’s worth cutting ties with your mother.
That is a nasty toxic bitch. I would cut her out of your life
The nerve she has!
I got with my husband and he had 2 son from a previous relationship, they are my sons and are treated the same as the child I gave birth to not only from me but from my parents as well! My mother has paid for family pictures for All of her grandchildren, because blood or not they are still her grandchildren!
My husband and I have also had to cut ties with some family members because of them being toxic and we won’t put our children in a position where they are being treated any different
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Your mother is toxic. Seems as if it doesn’t benefit her in any way it’s not good enough. Please cut that relationship off!
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Wow sorry but your mom sounds like a b****!
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She wouldn’t see any of them.
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Start calling your step dad by his name and not dad.
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I’ve helped raise a 12yr old since she was 3. She isn’t mine, she isn’t even my husbands child. But she is included in EVERYTHING POSSIBLE. Because she is a part of our family.
My Mom,Dad, Aunts and Uncles all include her in everything and love her to death.
Do not accept anything less. 
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Sounds like you need to cut ties with your mother if she’s not gonna treat all your kids equally.
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My mother is the same way granted my bonus kids are all way older we are talking between 22 and 16 with one grand baby but those are my girls just as much as my own kids I have 2 step dads and both have raised my and my sister as there own so naturally I will be there for my older girls like they are my own
I’d just tell both of them and tell your dad to his face “I guess you never truly loved me”
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Wow. I’d be asking for a sit down. Unacceptable 
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So I am confused if your mom is babysitting your kids then why would she not bring her as well or did she have to go and pick this child up from her mom’s house and didn’t want to go out of her way?
Honestly just cut them off from all kids and they will realize its all or nothing…
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Sounds like you need to put your mama on restriction until she can be a grown up, as a grandmother I can’t get enough grandbabies biological or not, I love each and every one of them the same and shame on your parents for making your baby feel less then
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You go mama protect them babies!!! You’re right she’s wrong bottom line. Take the 9 yr old out and have a talk with her, let her know your in her corner and your moms feelings are not your feelings, that you love her. Also let her know you stuck up for her. Trust me girl to girl this will be an amazing bonding moment for you. Give her one hell of a hug and tell her you love her. Even if it’s just 10 minutes and the two of you she needs to hear this or it will repeat in her what your mama said.
Then call her birth momma or have daddy and let her birth momma know you stuck up for her because you love her.
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I’m a firm believer in family isn’t always blood. It’s about the people who care and love
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Id cut her off. We don’t do step in my family.
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Your mom needs to realize it’s all or none
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It’s a shame your Mother is so one sided that she allowed a stepparent into your life which benefited her and you but chooses to have a double standard when it comes to you being a step parent. Well my opinion she won’t see any of the kids if she couldn’t accept them all, the children are innocent this situation and your mother just isn’t a very nice person.
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My mother wouldnt see any of my children period. That’s unacceptable.
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Ask your mother how she would have felt if this were done to her!! Ask her how she would have felt if your step dads mother would have reacted like that!! I guarantee she wouldn’t have liked it one bit!! If she respond “it’s not the same, you don’t understand “. Respond back that it in fact is the exact same thing!! AND ITS WRONG!! She should be ASHAMED of herself!! It is very possible to love a child just as much as you love your own!! It’s called unconditional love and by the sounds of it, your mother needs a damn good lesson in it!! Good luck to you love and keep ROCKING AT BEING A MOM AND POSITIVE HUMAN FOR THE LITTLE ONES!! God knows we need more people like you in this world!!
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You need to ignore her you have a family if she wants to be in all the kids lives she has to change I am engaged I have a daughter she’s 17 and he has 2 boys 17 and 19 my mom didn’t even like me going with him bt I ignored her til I saw some changes
I see you saying bonus and step and it’s admirable to take on a child you didn’t give birth to. Don’t ever let anybody convince you otherwise. Children deserve all the love they can get access to. But are you married? Legally? I’m not saying it should make a difference. But you should be aware there are some who are intent about locking others out of the benefits of full family for many reasons. One of those is when the paperwork is not in order. Could you legally adopt her? Your 
baby? Some countries allow multiple sets of legal parents without deny any. Other countries require you to deny the rights of some to add other parents. I know this is hurtful coming from your mom. But it’s probably a thing in other areas that you don’t care about as much.
Yuck this mindset boggles me. What a hypocritical b!tch!
Of all people your dad (SD) should be calling her out for this
I understand the frustration you are dealing with. Sometimes we learn that family is much like a home, it’s where you make it. Because my children would come over biweekly and my wife’s children lived with us, I was always accused of “picking her kids over my own”. When in reality all I have ever strived for was togetherness. My immediate family has fallen in line with the ex wife and I no longer associate with the self righteous judgment. The kids are the only ones who will lose when these adults try gambling on such high states.
That would not be my mother anymore 
her ass would get slapped the moment she fixed her lips to disrespect my child!
Hold your ground you are doing the right thing your mother God knows why she is doing what she’s doing when she herself has been in the same situation as you it’s not fair you were doing right by this child keep being a mother that you are
Tell your mum to get a life
If my mom ever hurt my child like that I would cease our relationship with her
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I couldn’t imagine. My bonus child is an adult and when we visited my dad up north, he asked why she wasn’t with us.
You are 100% correct to love that bonus child as your own. You have just the right personal situation (you and your step-dad’s relationship) to make your points clear to your mother. Explain what it meant to you to be fully accepted by your stepdad.
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Your mom sounds like a selfish individual 
pray fr her and continue to love your 9 year old. Jesus!
I’m so sorry you and you daughter are going through this!! Mom is definitely being extra!!! I love my bonus grand child just like my very own!! Hang in there and stand your grounds!
That’s so sad! My family loves my bonus despite her mother being such a pos and saying some horrible things. My family go all out crazy for Christmas and birthdays for my bonus. They love and babysit her all the time my mom even takes just her for weekends to make sure she feels the same love as my other children. 
children don’t know but they understand it’s our job to remove them from. The drama and include them in the fun I hope this blows over for you and they can grow up and get a grip!
Your mom sounds so pleasant. What are her feelings on your stepdad, given he didn’t provide the sperm to make you? What a strange perspective.
Your mother is detrimental to your children’s wellbeing. I’d say goodbye. It’s plain evil to hurt a child in any way.
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I wouldn’t let her see the bio babies until she grows up. Extremely mean and immature of her. Also hypocritical considering you have a step father. Doesn’t make any sense what so ever
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Tell your mom she needs to grow TF up!!
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Then she shouldn’t be involved period .
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I’d tel her if she doesn’t see your bonus daughter as your daughter she doesn’t need to see your other children. She’s being very hateful and hurtful. I’d put my foot down and stand by what I say. Accept her or lose all of us
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Find new child care.
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You are right to love that child. Why is your Mom watching them if she feels that way? Maybe she is overwhelmed. Don’t give in.
What a delightful person.
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To be honest, some parent and child relationships are not meant to last. Cut your mom off from your family until she decides to change her ways.
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I’m sorry your going through this. Years ago I had the same issue with my Mom. I told my mom if she couldn’t find it in her heart to treat my bonus children the same as my bio children than she can stay away.
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I’d cut her off. If she can’t accept the little girl, she doesn’t need to deal with any of them.
I wouldn’t allow any of my kids to see my mom if she did that but I am me and think that toxic people like that have no reason to be involved with my kids
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Yeah it’s time to cut her off. The simple fact that you’ve been in her life consistently for 8 years means that she is your child no if, ands or buts about it
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I’d keep her at a distance until she can accept the entire family because that’s just ugly hearted bullshit. You can love your mother from afar. If it’s not a healthy relationship for your child she doesn’t need to be in any of your lives. I know that sucks, I’ve had to do it myself but we have to do what’s best for our children
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Imagine how she is alone with the poor kid
So sorry , exclude your mother in everything you do. If your mother acts this way on the phone I can’t imaging what she says when she is alone with all the kids.
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If she’s saying that crap on the phone, can you imagine how she treats your bonus child when you’re not around?!! She would be history!
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At the end of the day you are the better person…keep treating all the kids exactly the same. You never treat them different. 
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My mom tried this on Christmas with my bonus kids. Got all the kids gifts except them. I told her she would not be welcome in our lives if she pulled that shit again. Get them all presents or a joint present like a game or something or nothing at all. I was not going to explain to my bonus kids about how they “aren’t technically part of my family” it’s wrong. That was the ONLY time my mom pulled that shit. This year she’s making all the kids blankets lol. I think it’s important to put your foot down. Mom or not, she’s not entitled a place in your life. You have chosen your family, if she can’t respect it she can goooo
I am so sorry that you need to justify loving a child. Good thing you followed your own heart and mind. What you do for this child is your business and if your mom can not except this child as family then maybe you need to separate her from all the kids so this negative attitude doesn’t rub off on them
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You gotta cut her off mama. If she can’t respect all of your children she needs to bounce don’t let that impact your little girl because it will
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Cut your mom off for a while 
She should be ashamed of herself I have 3 bonus kids and couldn’t imagine life without them I’m sorry your mom is acting that way
Nope. Cut her off from all of the kids.
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Omg that’s just wrong! Flat wrong and i would lose my shit if it were my mom being a total hypocritical ahole
If she cant be around them all and love them all equally then she doesn’t deserve any of them
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Your mum needs a tune up.
That’s bullshit. Especially so considering you were raised by your stepdad. I know people who’ve dealt with similar situations. Allowing this kind of behavior from your family is only going to hurt your bonus baby. If you’ve been in her life since she was a baby and she’s now 9 y.o… clearly your family is just stuck in their ways and not going to change or see how awful they’re being by treating a child that way. Its gonna piss your hubby off, get you stressed and hurt your feelings, and really cause a lot of emotional and mental damage to the child. Having separated parents is hard, having step parents is even harder. But to have family members not accept you, treat you different, and leave you out of things. All while saying such hurtful shit right in front of her is only going to make her feel bad about herself, feel unwanted, feel like she’s a burden or a cause of negativity to her dads and your life. It’s just not worth exposing her or yourselves to that kind of gross disregard. Have a talk with you mom or family (anyone who’s acting this way) and just be up front. Explain that regardless of their opinions, you see this child as equal to the ones you birthed. That’s not up for anyone else’s choice. And that because you consider her your own that you will not.tolerate any of the past behavior. That if they plan of being a part of your life or your kids then they will have to treat all your children equally or stay away entirely.
Girl you got to cut her off. That is not fair to your daughter to know that her grandma thinks that way of her. If she doesn’t want to treat her right and treat her like she is one of her grandkids then tell her she can hit the road. No child should have to deal with that and neither should you.
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Anyone who’s willing to treat a child badly just because she’s not blood, isn’t a person I’d want around children at all. I’d have to tell my mom my kids birth and through love & marriage are mines, if you can’t accept one then you can’t see any.
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If any family member can’t except the “bonus child or children” just because they are not “blood” then they need to reevaluate themselves. ALL children deserve love, not just half the time when it suits them. My husband took on my two daughters from my previous marriage and they asked to call him dad because they saw him as such. Kids see when they are treated different no matter what you think or say. Ive seen this happen firsthand with family members. Its either all the kiddos or none. You dont get to choose which child you want to spoil just because they are not blood. This is why boundaries are necessary even when it comes to family.
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Your mom is so wrong. Thanks for being a great parent and standing up for AlL of your children… You did the right thing…
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Sorry to hear this. It is harsh. Please try and talk through it calmly before you cut anyone off. Feelings are high. There maybe a reason your mum is behaving this way that she hasn’t explained or understood herself yet. Your right to love your added baby and she is part of your family, no matter what. I wish you all the best xx
Do the right thing and cut your mom out of your life … if she can’t accept your step daughter then she sees none of the kids
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That’s really hurtful to your step daughter…I tell mom to get in check
Protect that baby! People are damn awful.
All or nothing, treat all the kids the same or you see none of them…
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I wouldn’t allow her around any of my children if she can’t accept them all. Her behavior is absolutely disgusting.
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My fiancé’s mom like this with my daughter. He completely cut her out of his life. We plan to have more kids and he said he won’t stand for his mom to treat my daughter any different than any other kids we may have. It broke his heart but he knew he was doing the right thing.
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just tell her, “don’t mind her (your mom), she’s going senile” lol
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I would be clear with my mom- if you can’t accept one, you forgo all. Done
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Throw your mom away.
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yep…all or none! Disgusting actually. I would have to ask her if her heart is really that black.
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Oh fuuuuckkkk no. I would have whooped her ass
Also stop letting her around your children
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She doesn’t have to, you do.
Move on and be happy with the immediate in your household 
Best of luck
Honestly I’d tell ur mom if she can’t accept all the kids don’t bother coming around cause ur bonus daughter is just as much ur child as ur others are
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Your mother is toxic and absolutely awful. You need to tell her very very sternly that if she ever treats your step daughter any differently than the rest of the children, that you as a mother, will have no choice but to protect all your children and refuse her access to any of the children. You absolutely need to tell her very sternly that if it ever happens again she’s out of your life.
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That’d be enough for me to keep mom out of my life. How unbelievable and heartbreaking.
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What would you do if your mom said this about your biological kids? You would be hurt and frustrated but I bet your ass you would be mad. Get mad for your bonus baby! If you love her and treat her as if she’s your own, keep that same energy and protect your child.
Yea absolutely disgusting a child couldn’t have done anything for her to feel that way she is nine !!! And exactly like you said it was ok for someone to step up for her children and that is something you obviously learned from that man who I wonder how does HE react to this ???
Tell your mom to grow up and if she can’t accept your bonus kid as one of your own then she doesn’t get to be around any of your kids. It’s pretty simple. It will hurt, but she’s being ridiculous.
My mom favor’a my daughter over my son and makes in known threw everything she says and does towards them. My mom thinks in some sick twisted way that my daughter is her’s. & will get my daughter WHATEVER she wants so I started saying if you don’t get for them both equally then none of them will get anything. It’s not fair.
& if you don’t start treating them both the same then you won’t be coming around.
& the messed up thing is there both biologically mine and they have the same father.
My advice to you would be cut your mom off from them all. & show your daughter (blood or not) that she IS YOUR daughter and you won’t stand for that.
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Drop her. If she’s reasonable she might come around eventually.
Holy toxic and abusive. I will gladly tell her she is out 4 grandkids. Wow. Wow…wow.
First off, I would find a new sitter.
Then I would kindly tell her “until you learn to respect her as my own daughter, equal to my biological kids, I do not want you around any of my kids. You will not disrespect my daughter and get away with that. If you choose to disregard the wishes, I do not mind one effin bit cutting you and your disgusting behavior out of our lives”
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And please hug your daughter so tight and promise her you will not allow such negativity in her life. Ever.
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