Didn’t read it all but your “mom” is trash …
This is hard situation but I don’t think cutting her out of you life is right. That would just hurt your other children. I would have some stern sit down conversation and make sure I was there any time she was around all the children.
I just want to THANK YOU
oh man thank you 
for being this person!
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I would catch her behavior on tape and out it. Let her see all the people upset by her behavior. That’s a child and she deserves love. Period.
Make it known to your mother that until she accepts all of your children she won’t be seeing any of them! Show your girl and the rest of your children that you are mummy and regardless of what your heartless mother has said they are most important and mean more to you than her.
I can honestly say that if anyone ANYONE said this about one of my children I would straight slap them in the face! So heartless! She has made a huge impact on this 9 year old emotionally now and I don’t think there is coming back from that considering your mother most likely won’t change her views. Exclude her on everything your bonus daughter is involved in, let her know why each time. Because she is the evil grandmother! This child’s well being is way above your mothers petty thoughts.
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I would cut her out of my life so damn fast.
Cut her off until she can accept all of your children.
She needs to respect her as your own you have been in her life since she was 1 that is a long time I would have a sit down with her and your step dad and tell her if she doesn’t accept her as her granddaughter then she is not allowed to see any of the childern. It really sucks that someone would do that to a child. I’m sorry for your situation and hope it gets better for you and your family
My husband had two kids when we got together and I had five. Together we had two more so nine in total. His parents never met me or my children because they never invited my children to family events, only his children. My husband was adamnent from the get go that my five were his and that his two were mine. There wasn’t going to be bio, step, half… his parents could never accept that so we removed them from our lives. He hasn’t seen or spoken to them since 2015. My parents however have always been inclusive and welcoming. My mom got a tattoo earlier this year of hearts on wrist. They’re linked together like a bracelet. There are 4 pink ones and 5 blue ones in their birth order representing ALL nine of MY children. Oh and her license plate is NANAOF9 (my plate is 9NDONE). If your mom is that toxic, she doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life and your kids certainly don’t need to be a part of hers!
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Your mom sounds like a narcissist, look up narcissist mothers. You’re going to need to set a firm boundary- this is your daughter. Because you said so 
because y’all love each other. And thank you for being that Mom! I’d have literally done anything to have a mom. So, cheers for that. Please look into narcissist mothers because it’s a whole dynamic and you may need some education and support on it, if it’s the case. But boundaries, this isn’t open for discussion 
you are a package deal. All for one and one for all. Period
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Love them before you judge them…nanny
You’re taking nanny back to school sista.
Not as a punishment.
As a lesson in empathy.
EMPATHY MATTERS
Love your way sista.
This is hard situation but I don’t think cutting her out of you life is right. That would just hurt your other children. I would have some stern sit down conversation and make sure I was there any time she was around all the children.
This is hard situation but I don’t think cutting her out of you life is right. That would just hurt your other children. I would have some stern sit down conversation and make sure I was there any time she was around all the children.
This is not ok. My stepdad treated me as his own. Even after him and my mom split. In 2013. He is still in my life now and loves my kids he calls them poppies boys. Your mom is wrong for feeling this way considering she got with a man who cared for her child like his own. Tell her to pull her damn head of her ass and treat your bonus daughter the way she deserves. If she can’t do that, tell her to stay away. Simple as that.
I cant even comprehend this. I have 3 kids with my first husband and my last child has a different dad. My oldest threes gran (their dad’s mom) treats my daughter the same as the other 3 grandchildren. I’m not even her daughter or daughter in law anymore. But that’s her grandchildrens sister. In fact that whole family loves my last daughter the same. She isn’t just a random new boyfriends kid. She’s your family. Step kids should be treated exactly the same. I swear I wouldn’t allow any parent to see my kids who treated a step sibling bad. I’m so sorry.
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Tell her she won’t see any of your children unless she accepts and loves them all the same!
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Disfavored child status is in the top 5 forms of child abuse, dont let your mom commit that crime on a child you love, you mentioned “she watched the kids anyway” well that needs to stop, she should spread her love bias somewhere else, dont let her create a mess for your “daughter” to clean up in adult therapy
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She’s poison. I’d keep all of the kids away from her
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Cut my off. She a hater.
If that’s what she’s saying to you, imagine what she’s saying to or how she’s treating your 9year old. Cut her off. Show her that you won’t allow anyone to disrespect your relationship
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I wouldn’t let her see any of the kids…Wicked bitch.
i would start by calling “ dad” step father from now on…
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i’ll keep my thoughts on your mom to myself, they aren’t at all helpful anyway, but i just wanted to say I love your post. the way you accept and love your bonus kiddo is nothing short of beautiful.
See im petty . She would be called mommy dearest and id call my step dad bu his given name. Since ,ya know, not my dad 
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Listen I commend you for being that way with your bonus child. Children are not to blame if there parents can’t make it together. I would see about letting someone else keep the kids. I would also tell the bonus child that they haven’t done anything to recieve that comment. Let her know that some adult’s just doesn’t know how to be a adult. Good luck and God bless
Your mom sounds hateful. Good for you loving all the kids the same. That’s as it should be.
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Bye bye mom. No one disrespects my kids like that. If she’s going to be like that then she does not need to be apart of the kids lives.
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Stand your ground! You don’t want the child to feel she doesn’t belong
Your mom is an adult and should know better. Show your daughter you will choose her any day.
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Either they are all in or all out!!!
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She is a hypocrite if she had her children call her husband “dad” yet doesn’t accept your bonus child as your own… if she can’t accept “all of your children then I wouldn’t allow her to be in any of their lives…
I love that you love this child as your own, it makes my heart melt. Stand your ground with anyone that doesn’t accept her as yours, she is at a very important age for her development, what you do now will continue to shape her as yours or not!!!
You do what you need to do for all your children!!!
My heart goes out to you, big hugs to you and yours.
Don’t let her see any of them if she don’t like 1 or don’t want to be involved with 1 then she don’t need to see any of them!
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I knew it!! I’ve been thinking hard about you two for about a week now
Id just wouldnt let her see any children.
I had the exact same problem I made a pretty easy decision I chose my step kid and told my mum to piss off and stay outta mine and my kids life it’s been a year and still haven’t heard from her thankfully
I went through that with my dad especially. For years I did not talk to them. I treated his child as mine and vice verse. Adults can be rude and so hateful. I love hearing how happy you are with all your children.
You should take some time away from your mom to process what you are going to do about this situation because she taking it too far and yes your kids comes first before anybody else…
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No mother can possibly feel this way…cut her out of your life.
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Thanks for calling her out and setting boundaries for poor behavior!!! Your mom is wrong for that!
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Everyone is being so nice here…I respect that.
However, that’s not my style.
Your mom is being a cunt.
Treat her accordingly.
I would cut your mother off. That’s so sad
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No contact that bitch. Absolutely NOT
But she is part of your family. She gave you the honorary “step mom”. Y’all are officially family at that point. Your mom is just being a bitch. Why would your kids go see step daughters mom and shit? Their daddy isn’t over there. It’s not the same!
Ask her if she’d be proud to have a daughter that excludes her step kid, doesn’t treat them like family, and basically ignores their existence as a family member? Would that make her proud? Would she want her friends to know that? Would she brag about that to people? Would that genuinely make her feel good and feel like she raised a good kid?
I mean c’mon… you’re only displaying what you learned growing up. It’s ridiculous she’s denying her.
My husband and I have 3 boys(18,17,3). Two are related to us (17,3) and the third is not but none of them are our biological children. My in laws were showing favoritism to the youngest (he’s from their side of the family) and everyone including the older two were noticing. My husband had a conversation with my mother in law and let her know it will be the last time they have that talk or it’ll be the last time we involve ourselves with them. I don’t think she was intentionally doing it but she was having a hard time getting used to us being “mom and dad” to my cousin and another young adult. These are our kids no matter how she felt and she will treat them equally as such or we remove the toxicity, plain and simple.
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How can she be like that knowing your STEP DAD ACCEPTED U?
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As a grandmother, I simply cannot understand how she ( your mom) can react like that. That girl is just as much your daughter as the rest of the kids. She should lose the rights to see any of your kids especially because you were in the same situation with your step-dad!!!
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Continue loving your step child,mommy will come around
If it was my mom i would tell her that as long as she’s nog accepting my (bonus) Child Thérè is no place in our lives.
My daughter has a little sister. She is biological not related to me of my partner BUT as soon as my youngest can sit on his own we are gonna make pictures with our kids & her sister. Shes may only share dna with my oldest but she also belongs on our wall in a Photo with all our kids.
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Time to 
off your mother.
Wow what an absolutely awful person.
She is a hypocritical lady, what a shame.
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Get a new baby sitter that treats all your kids as equal.
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Why does your mom feel that way if you were raised by a step father??
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I was that little girl. Everyone on my dads side, to the point even my dad told me I couldn’t come back.
My sister was his kid and he adopted me. But when I was 3 his mom told me he wasn’t my dad and I remember that day and the feelings I had and my thoughts of where did I come from.
His girlfriends hated me, the grandma would make me go outside unless her husband was in the house, I wasn’t wanted by any of that side until a day when I turned 12 and he said I wasn’t allowed to come back.
Stick up for her!!! She needs you to protect her from that gut wrenching heartbreak of knowing your not wanted by someone.
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My bonus daughter is 14 and my parents really never paid her any mind, now a days she doesn’t care much as she isn’t a fan of my parents bc of the difference in the way they treated her and the fact that she isn’t a fan of them as people …she was 7 when we got together, my mom always tried to leave her out- would invite my birth daughter to sleepover and such but never extend the invitation to my bonus- the first year she even had her own Christmas with my birth daughter and when me, my fiancé, bonus daughter came by my daughter told us all about it. I always include pics of only all of my kids. My parents are ridiculous I’ve voiced my opinions and they don’t even acknowledge it… they have good days and crappy ones- we no longer live close enough for their toxic crap causes an issue and they’re only invited to things if they’re going to be on their best behavior. It’s not so bad anymore but it still kind of strained all of our relationships with them
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FUCKING bye love. I don’t give a fuck if she’s my mum, she’d be out the door as it’s hitting her on the ass.
Cut her out of your life. She is toxic
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Girl, make an example outta your mom. Cut her off (either short term or long term) and let her know that its solely because she can’t accept all your kids. Also I would definitely show that strength in front of the 9 yo that you are there for her and that if she ever has people like that in her life she can cut them out as well!!
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Cut the toxicity out of all of your lives- new sitter- minimal contact with someone so negative. Blood or not blood- that level of disrespect is never to be tolerated
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Wow. Can step dad come Over and leave Mom home?
Time for the good old conversation about toxic family members and how to keep them at a distance without being hurt or affected by their toxicity. That’s really really sad that they are like that. They need to do some soul searching. That’s not being a very good example
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I love the saying bonus kid!! I have 2 of them. We also say there’s no step in our family cause we are family. But anyway your mums in wrong and needs to pull her head in
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Omg your mom is acting like a gross hypocrite bully. Disgusting.
That’s enough behavior to cut her off completely.
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If that’s how she acts to you in front of her God only knows how she treats her when she has them to herself. I’d do no contact with her for your entire family until she can’t get herself together.
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If it’s been 8 years and she’s still acting this way then you are going to have to either accept it or remove her from all of your lives until she changes or for good if she doesn’t.
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Your mother is very wrong!!
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Ummm. FUCK YOUR EGG DONOR!!! What a despicable person. Cut ties for the sake and protection of ALL of your children.
Time for grandma to hit the road!! That’s horrible!!
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Unfortunately if I were you I would just plain tell her either you accept all my kids and treat her like my own flesh and blood or don’t bother coming around us anymore
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If she can’t accept all, she’s have zero contact with any of them.
What r you not disclosing? Did something bad happen with your step daughters birth mom and your family? I can’t see someone just acting that way. I feel like something is missing from the story?
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Talk about a double bladed sword . Your mom and step dad are awful. Are u going to stop being his daughter cause u are not his blood?
This is toxic for everyone involved. And your bonus baby is gunna have to heal before she feel comfortable and acceptable around her. And maybe even you… coming from a person that’s lived this scenario most of my life. I would ask your bonus baby what SHE wants… because ultimately it hurts her the most. If it were up to me Unfortunately I’d cut her off until she gets her act together 
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I’d tell her to accept all the children I do or she would not see any of them or me! I don’t care one bit who you are, if you’re blood related, mom or not I do not do toxic! If you cannot understand that childs need for love and family, then you shouldn’t be exposed to them.
Have a nice life.
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I would cut her off and I would tell her until you can accept ALL of my kids you can just stay away from me and my family. Screw that. And sorry that your baby had to hear all that. Just keep loving her momma!!
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I have a blended family as well and have dealt with similar issues but not from my mom. I look at it this way, having a blended family is already hard enough without someone from the outside making it harder. This is my advice.
I’d have a serious heartfelt sit down with your mom. Calmly express how much added stress and division her behavior is causing your blended family. Express the hurt to her and see how she responds. It already seems you’ve done that but If she’s willing to put her own feelings aside and wants to fully support your family and making it better, than welcome it. If she is too caught up in herself to understand how this is effecting you and your family, then explain to her you still love her but for the health of the family you and your husband have created y’all are distancing yourself from her. Distance doesn’t always have to be a permanent thing but until she is willing to recognize how her behavior effects ya’ll it’ll continue to harm your home.
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I help my hubsand raise his son , my son told me a women can give birth, but it takes a special person to be a mom. He told me this when he was about 16, he is the most PRECIOUS son
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That was so wrong of your mother. The bonus child will remember this for the rest of her life.
Your mother NEEDS TO GROW UP!! She is WAY OUT OF LINE!!
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That’s messed up 
my son is divorced from my (step) granddaughters mom, and that child is still my granddaughter and still calls my son daddy. Your mom is messed up with her attitude
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Sounds like grandma doesn’t need to be involved in any of the kids lives if this is how she is going to act. You can’t make her change, but you can set boundaries to protect your children. She treats them all equally without complaint or she can stay away 
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Oh your mum sounds horrible. Poor little baby 
Tell you mom she needs to kick rocks
God Bless you sweetie, that is so wrong of her to feel that way, i am sorry but if she couldn’t be around that child she wouldn’t be around any.
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Your mom is absolutely in the wrong and creating a toxic situation for your step daughter. I’d have a serious conversation with her and state expectations and Boundaries. If she can’t comply then I’d start distancing for the sake of your step daughter
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Firstly, i LOVE that you’re one of those step moms🥰 and secondly your mother needs a reality check, life’s too short to be living like this especially where a child is concerned
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As much as I hate to say it. I would give her an ultimatum. You either accept all of us or none of us. It’s so sad that she’s treating an innocent child like an outcast. You must rock as a step mom to love her as your own. Children want to be loved & accepted. She’s double blessed to have 2 moms that love her unconditionally.
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Sometimes, you just gotta cut shit off with stupid ass people like that, whether it’s your mother or not.
That’s your family, your children, don’t let NO ONE disrespect any part of the family you’re creating! Fk that!!
To me, it’s easy. Either mum gets on board and starts treating this child like her own, or mums just gotta go. Your mum will get over herself eventually, but that little girl, she’s going to end up hurt and please, don’t allow not even your own mother to do that to her!
Imo, if she wants nothing to do with your step daughter then she shouldn’t be part of your bio kids lives either. I’d cut her out unless she changes her ways and apologizes to your 9 yr old.
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Wow I am so sorry. Your mom is horribly wrong .
Time to cut ties.There is know way in hell I would allow my mother to do this to my step kids.my mother claims my step kids and grandkids as hers
Momma would be straight up cut off at that point 
I don’t put up with any bs when it comes to my kids (bio & bonus), I will cut someone off family or not.
That breaks my heart. You don’t have to be blood related to love a child or anyone for that matter and them be family. My son has 3 older siblings from his Father’s side ranging in age from 24 down to our son who’s the baby and is 10 ½. We haven’t been together in almost 10 years but every one of his kids know my door is always open to them and all they gotta do is call and I’ll be there. I’ve always told them you are my son’s family and I consider them mine, I love them all and I’d do anything for any one of them. And my boyfriend ever since the day he came into our lives has always treated my son like his and treated him with nothing but love. I can honestly depend on that man to be there for my son more than I can his own father. We are pregnant with a son now and he has sat down and told my son that this doesn’t change anything and he will still love and be there for him no matter what.
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This is so sad on so many levels. I had a step daughter in my previous relationship who is also my children’s half sister. Although I am no longer with their father, I still love that girl like my own and so would my family. She visits sometimes and any time any of my family members are around, it’s as if she’s part of our family, not “some extra from a different relationship” she needs to realize that that little girl is AS much yours as your other 3 (soon 4) or id be cutting ties until she grows up. Theirs no need for your 9 year old to be left out in any way!
Wow…that’s f*cked up. That poor girl! You are an awesome bonus mom!!! I agree with above, she treats everyone the same or none of them will be in her life. Though the damage is done now…that girl will never forget that and she won’t want to be around “grandma” anymore and I 
don’t blame her. It’s sad really…my niece who is almost 16 lives with my mom and we all live under the same roof. I would never not include her in stuff. I didn’t birth her but she’s mine too
Keep doing what you’re doing and cut your toxic mother out of all your lives! The children will start picking up her behavior and feeling some type of way about the 9year old. Please don’t submit your family to that kind of negativity anymore. You are completely right to be upset XOXO
Your mom can go kick rocks! That is just so evil.
YOUR child needs her “mom”. Family doesn’t not have to be involved.
What a wonderful mom you are! God bless you for your beautiful heart and soul <3
That’s your kid. That’s “the kids you gave birth to” sister as well. To deny her, is denying them as well.
If she can’t accept her, the line has to be drawn and she needs to back up. If she can’t accept an innocent child, then she just needs to go away.