This child is a part of your family whether you gave birth to her or not! Your mom needs to understand that. We have a similar situation and all children are accepted the same.
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Good for you for sticking up for your step daughter. Your mom needs to wake the eff up. Sheâs just a little girl. She doesnât deserve this
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Doesnât sound like she deserves the privilege of being in your bonus childâs life, with out a true change of heart.
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Ignore her ! You are doing an amazing job ! Not everyone has the ability to love a bonus child however they may come about but your heart is so big and pure you canât help but to love and care for her as if she came from you.
As long as that baby girl knows you love her endlessly she will be fine. Maybe just keep her at a distance from you mum just to try and avoid a negative situation and explain to your babygirl that sometimes, people are funny like that. No child needs to feel unwanted or unloved 
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All or nothing is the choice. They are your children all
Of them they are your family. If she wants to be part of your family itâs your rules. Itâs her choice then all or nothing.
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Any child in my care ever gets the same love, grace and discipline 
we are supposed to protect all kids youâre a great mom, unfortunately your mom has no place in your lives.
I know itâs your mother, but she is being beyond cruel. You may have to limit time with her unless she fully accepts your step-daughter. I married a man with a small child (her mother had died). My family treated her as mine, and I consider her my daughter. One thought: could your mother be developing dementia? Since you had a step-father it just seems so strange, her behavior. If you want to preserve your marriage, you must not allow your mother to treat her badly.
Ok I couldnât finish reading because my blood was boiling. Your children are your children whether you gave birth to them or not. Itâs not a bonus child Itâs another gift you werenât expecting. As for your Mom sheâs probably losing out on loving another grand child. Emphasize to all of them they are loved equally and unconditionally. Love them and thatâs it. Hugs to you and your family
Iâve made it pretty clear with my family. You love all of our children or you donât get to love any of them.
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She is completely in the wrong here! Either you love on them all or you donât love on any! And sheâs hurting her biological grandchildrenâs half sister so sheâs hurting all of them as far as Iâm concerned
Remove all your children from your mother and stepfather lives right now. If this is going on while you are listening. Could you imagine how they are treated different. There were no step or half in our family.
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So sorry for your family. Just let her know that you love her as much as the other kids. And that she is very special to you. I would tell your mom that if she canât accept your add on child she doesnât have the privilege of seeing any of them. And she should apologize to the little girl.
Went through same thing with My hubbyâs mom and side of family, we cut them out 3 years ago and our kids have been way happier without the toxic behavior in our lives
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I have no children however, I was in a relationship where my ex had a child. To this day I consider her my daughter and I donât even like her parents. Stop discussions with your parents about your children.
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My maternal grandparents were this way with my bonus son. I went to my mother and told her to let them know I wouldnât put up with it. My son came to live with us from horrible conditions and I will not tolerate it from my family. Their attitude changed quickly and never heard about it again. My grandma knows Iâm stubborn and would stay true to my words.
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Your mother needs to get a gripâŚDear Lord. Your bonus child IS your child in every way. I was the bonus child left out and itâs the worst feeling in the world. Your mom needs a reality check, she is being so cruel.
I hate to say this cut her out of your life until she can except all your children she is going to cause more harm then help I have 4 step children they are mine and I have one of my own I love them all I wouldnât put up with or put my family through that I know u love your parents but this is wrong in so many ways think what that 9 yr old is going through she donât need that in her life
That is a really horrible way for your mother to treat your stepdaughter. She wouldnât have any contact with any of my children till she changed her toxic behavior. She has personal experience with blended families and still acts like this? What is wrong with her
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Love the way you love the child as your own. She is the important one. Having a bonus child is a privilege.
That is truly very sad. Step dad can step in and love you and nurture you but later on cannot accept your bonus baby. Your bonus child needs and deserves warmth and kindness in her life. Your mom needs to wake up and smell the coffee before she and her husband shoot themselves in the foot.
Itâs so sad how this world is out of hands , all we need to do is take care of whomever, wherever, whatever comes natural which is caring , loving, teaching etc⌠these beautiful little soul that are having to grow up in such a fckd up world HOW HARD Is THAT ??? Really wake the Fck up people we are all one !!
âAny woman can give birth to a child. Its what our bodies were designed to do. Its what happens AFTER birth that defines you as a mother.â ⌠I myself am a âbonusâ child and have been through a lot of the same as your Bonus daughter⌠And let me tell you NOW⌠You loving her and standing up for her means more than youâll ever know. THATS what she will remember and take with her into adulthood. It was for me. 
Stand your ground for her Mama. And from the hurt little girl left in me, thank you for loving her even though you donât âhaveâ to. Please donât ever stop. âŚ
Much love and many prayers⌠
Your mother seems toxic. That little girl is hurt by her actions and will never forget overhearing this conversation. Just love this child and help her have a happy life.
If she watches the kids Iâm wondering how she treats the bonus child, my guess is not good and Iâd sure she has felt it many times. You would think your mom would embrace her just as your stepdad did to you. Need to get a new sitter because telling her to stop isnât gonna make her change. She obviously has strong feelings about this. Keep your bonus child away from her. So sad.
First I want to commend you for your love for your bonus child and standing up for her. Your mom is being so unfair to you and most of all to your bonus child. Thatâs the same as adopting a child and your mom not claiming her as her grandchild . I know that hurts ! Since you got married how does she do when it comes to buying Christmas gifts 
for grandkids ? Does she buy your bonus child a gift ?
That is sad that you Mum feels that way. I sat follow your heart and do what you think is best for you and your children. Explain to your 9 yo that some people are the way they are and are set in their ways. I personally think you are an awesome mum/individually to be treating her as one of your own since she was 1 (which some people find to do). Best wishes to you and your family 
Your Mom is wrong, she completely owes your daughter an apology! I would let her know until this apology happens in front of you she will not be welcome on your home around your children period!
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Bless you⤠itâs terrible to say but maybe she needs a severe reality kick. Family functions not invited. If she wants to see grandchildren it can be arranged. 1 child for an hour or so. I believe eventually the other grandchildren may be the ones to bring her around. The children should understand why Grandma is persona non. You are teaching your children compassion and non judgement of others
YAY for you.
You have to distance yourself from your Mother and Father forever! Let your step daughter know how much you love her because thatâs all that matters in the end. I feel sorry for your parents.
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Your mother may not have to view the relationship as you do, or have the same one with her (so sad she doesnât want to, who doesnât want more grandkids?!) BUT she has to respect it! And personally if my lol didnât, (I also have a blended family) then Iâd withhold her from seeing ALL the kids. She is hurting one of your children, and that should be protected at all costs!
Being a Nana , I canât imagine. I have 6 grand kids and just as many bonus grand kids. Do whatâs best for your children. If you hear the nasty words. Iâm sure they do too. Itâs all or none. Stand up for your children today. Tomorrow may be too late.
Donât let her do anything with any of the kids until she treats them all the same.
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tell Mom to take a flying at a rollingâŚIf she cant accept your family in its entrity then you shouldnt accept her
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It would be all the kids or none. Your mother should stay out of it. Sheâs not supporting the child, you are! The child is part of your family, just continue to love her as if sheâs is your child. Well in a way she is your child, because when you married her dad, you two became one. Whatâs his is yours and whatâs your is his. I would that tell you special bonus child not to worry about your mother, because the old fart will come to see it your way and hopefully change. What give your mother the idea that the bonus child mother wasnât going to help with the picture, it not her place to think about it! Bless you and your family.
I would sit down with my mom and I would air how your feelings with her. I would tell her this is your daughter in every way but birth. And you will not allow her to be disrespected any longer. She is 9. And let your mom know she needs to get on board and if she wants to be a part of you and your kids life she needs to fallow your wishes. I would let her its not up for debate and your not negotiating. You need to protect this little girl. I pray she fallow your request.
So sad for you all. Similar situation with mine but never overheard. You chose to love this daughter along with her father. God bless you all.
Ask your mom whatâs the difference between you having a good step father and you being a good step parent. Your biological child or not all the children should be treated the same. Grow up grandma.
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Shame on grandma!! There is enough love to go around. There are always children missing a parent or grandparent. Tell her If she canât find it in her heart to accept the child you love as your own, then she will become a sad, lonely grandma, and stick to it.
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Your mother should be ashamed of herselfâŚand would not be anywhere near any of my kids if she was my mother.
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Itâs very difficult when a step parent doesnât accept their spouses child. (I was one of those children) I commend you for being such an awsome bonus mom! Tell your mom to piss off. She doesnât get to pick and choose. Itâs love them all, or stay away. They do not need her negativity in their lives!!
When I married my 2and husband he had a young daughter who came to live with us when she wss 6 years old. I had 2 children from my first marriage.She may not be a blood relation but she is still my 3rd child.That was years ago and our relationship has only strengthened.
.
you canât control how others think but you can set boundaries on what you will tolerate. Tell your mother she is to treat the âbonusâ child the same or else. She can feel however she wants but better watch what she says and does.
You need to distance from your Mom. She is your child and if she wants to be apart of her grandchildrenâs life, she needs to make it right with her bonus grandchild
I think your mom is wrong for treating that baby like that. She is an innocent child. We are supposed to love all children. I am hurting for the bonus child
Tell your mom Sheâs a child of Your heart. She may not have grown under it BUT she did grow in it. Mom is missing out on a really great child. She will regret it when the other children watch the pain Grandma is inflicting on THEIR Sister.
This is very sad. My son has a step daughter that 3 he has been with her mom since she was a baby , and she is my granddaughter. I love her and treat her the same as the other 12. How can anyone be so cruel to a child?? Keep showing that little girl love, she will love you back.
Ask your step father did he resent you for not being his natural born? Did you have other siblings and were they all treated the same? Poor little girl having to know your Mom feels like that.
She is an adult and needs to act like one. If she has issues donât include her and help preserve that little girlâs mental health. It isnât the childâs fault she has double standards.
I am so sorry that you have this burden. I wonder what her reaction would be if you and your husband had adopted all your children? She is not only wrong in her attitude but is missing the joy she might have if she included your stepdaughter in her life . To leave her out is so unkind and if she will not soften her heart, then I would restrict her access to your other children until she sees how much distress she is placing on your family. If your mother and stepfather attend a church I would consider a visit to their pastor. Praying for you and encouraging you to be strong and stand firm but your mother should be aware that her treatment of your daughter is in danger of her causing a rift in your family. Is she willing to risk that? Pray daily and I will do the same. Keep us updated. Stay close to Jesus because he is ever present. I shall pray for all your family.
Blessings
I have step grandkids my daughter had three before she married the wonderful man she is with now but he had 3 also from another marriage I treat them all the same and always have she treats them all the same or cut them all out of her life you have to do this for the kids my daughter husband had to do the with his mom because she treated my daughter kids like your mom treats the your step child like all or none
Canât you cut her off for a little while⌠maybe if she is not able to see any of your babies she will soon come to her senses. And that might show your oldest child that you stand against what her granny is doing to her. She is not building relationship but rather tearing them down. Pretty soon your other kids will start to reject you bonus baby. What then?
We stopped talking to my MIL for tbe same reason. She did not accept my children from. Y first marriage. She also did not accept our daughter that we adopted together!!! Sad situation and definitely her loss!!! Move forward and cut her out!
Keep reassuring the 9 yr old of your love and acceptance. And make sure your mom does not poison your other childrenâs minds against your oldest. You have the God kind of love in you. Keep sharing it.
Point blank stand your ground on this one⌠and most importantly make sure your bonus child knows your motherâs feelings are not yours. As long as she knows she has your love, the love of her father and the love of her birth mother, thatâs the most important thing.
Shameful the way your Mom and Step Dad are acting. My heart breaks just thinking about this poor child. I can tell by your descriptions in this you are a wonderful mother. If it were me I would tell them that the only contact that they are allowed to have with All the children is if you are present. Hopefully some day they will wise up and not act this way.
So VERY sorry to hear that. Your Mom is wrong feeling that way. I feel so sorry for your daughter that she had to hear that from your mom. Pray for your mom that she opens up her eyes before itâs too late.
My mil does not accept my son from a pervious relationship. My partner has never said he isnt his . but she would bring gifts for her biological granddaughter and nothing for our son . we had to cut her off and make it clear its all or nothing. She got upset but we havent heard from her in a while now. Sorry your bouns babe heard . allow her the space to feel the way she does but just keep reminding her that you do not feel the same as your mother does . that you love and accept her .
No one should treat a child like that yes Iâve had my ups and downs with my children witch is actually his but to me they are my children too
In our Family some us are family by blood and family by heart.
No one got to choose which.
But we are all connected and choose family of the heart, itâs the most important lifelong option.
Itâs family of the heart that cuddles you, picks you up, feeds you, laughs with you, listens, and tells you the truth in a way you can hear it.
In this instance, I would suggest you say less and write a letter to your mum and stepdad.
Express what they mean to you. Your deepest hope is that all your children get the opportunity to feel that as well.
Love from a grandparent has no limits.
Itâs one of lifeâs most sustainable pure experiences. Itâs a joy to give and receive grandparent love.
Feel free to share how you feel perhaps hurt, sad, let down.
Include that you are a mum that loves all your children with all your heart. It was the way you were raised.
Leave the door open I suspect your mum knows she handled this poorly. Later explore her fears ( you do too much, money, tired, health, etc.) as people get older it is not uncommon for their communication to become blunt, hurtful it is not them they too have limitations and pressures. This may not be true, the point is the love of the heart will leave open the opportunity to explore. It will also choose to protect and act if repetition of unfair hurt is directed to those we love.
You do and will and continue to make good decisions.
Congrats on being a lioness of the heart. We love it and so do all your kids! x
( Yes my family has every combo possible. This is how we choose to define and celebrate family. )
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You reap what you sow your child that you so lovingly raised will and is a blessing to you and will b to her one day, but in the meantime I most definitely would make my visit with my mother sparingly I would tell her I love her but I would not allow anyone to mistreat any of my children blood or not and I would pray for her too 
, you cannot make anyone love whom you love but you can limit and control the situation in your home which means I wouldnât go over her house nor would I take any of my children there & I would keep the line of communication open and my door open if she wants to visit and continue to pray pray changes situation, circumference & ppl.! 
Kids are part of the deal.
Period .
I married a woman with three children.
I took on the entire responsibility. Happily .
I might not have any biological children- but I have three children ( now fully grown) that I love .
For anyone who wants to qualify any child - get out .
Because you arenât worthy .
I find it curious since you are a step child. Iâm also curious on how your stepdad parents treated you. Lastly, do your parents like your husband?. It may be theyâre treating your step child like that because they donât like your husband.
I would just protect her from your Mom - even if that meant Grandma didnât get to see the others as often.
The daughter is the important one in this scenario, I would probably bend over backwards to make her feel loved. Maybe helping you name the new baby.
If she canât apologize to that baby I wouldnât have her back around none of them!!! Because ainât no telling what she is acting like around her when yâall ainât there smh
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Tell your mother that if she cannot accept your bonus child as your biological child and treat her accordingly ⌠that you cannot accept her as your biological mother and you will treat her accordingly. That should do the trick.
If she canât accept the bonus child as yours then she doesnât get to be part of any of the kids lives.
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Iâd be done with her until she realizes that itâs all or nothing. I have no issue with cutting people who cannot support a child, blood or not, even if its members of my family. Iâm done with that type of behavior. They would be cut totally offâŚtreat all the sameâŚno favorites and no words of negativity. Done. Bye.
Sometimes when it comes to family loving them from a distance is a good option⌠My kids are my life and if I ev r had step kids I would definitely stand up for them as well ⌠My kids have a step dad and his mother definitely treats my kids entirely different then she does her biological grandchildren⌠Not that she ever admits to it I decided enough was enough I couldnât look at my kids and see them be hurt they have had enough pain from their biological father they definitely didnât deserve it⌠Itâs been the best choice I ever did⌠I told my kids family donât always have to be blood They donât treat you right they donât respect u⌠no child deserves to be upset thatâs what makes kids have bad thoughts and u just want them to be happy and lovedâŚ
She wouldnât allow her see see any of âherâgrandchildren for a long time.
How cruel of her to say this about your stepchild.
Oh, there is too much mother and grandmother in your life.
Talk to the bonus child about how grandma treats in relation to the other children. There could be some abuse involved and may be targeted for possible future abuse.
By the way, if there is abuse and are aware and continue to leave her in said environment you will be held accountable for her actions.
I would not make any difference between her and the other children you donât have to give birth to love a child as your own !
My question is why is she so nasty about this, especially to say this in earshot of not only this child but any of the children, kids know when it is different and it makes me question if she is being treated in a half hearted way at your moms, I canât even call her the grandmother because she doesnât have the heart of one. They know and you must really feel it to or you would not ask , hold true to how you feel, she is your heart daughter, and she has the bonus of being shared with you, enjoy it you are really very lucky to have her in your life, but do me a favor call her daughter not " bonus" daughter even as an endearment, love her you are the one that will reap the reward, maybe stop so much babysitting by grandma
Wow I have a step son I raised since he was 12. He is my own. I would cut relationship with anyone that would mistreat him.
Some mothers can be so insensitive. Give her a break and she come back to her senses.
this grandmother is mean and destructive for your child . protect your child from her. words matter and she needs yo be protected from such a hateful person
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Exclude your mom from family for awhile. Sheâs narrow minded when it comes to your bonus child. Adopted or step children are always part of the family and should be treated that way by everyone!!!
feel sorry for the child i grew up like that it stays with you for every not the Child fault. dont let her down
WOW- this sounds exactly like my situation with my mom. Only my mom & dad didnât get married til I was 12 & my boys were 2.5 & 6 months when I got them. My folks treated my boys like gold til my first daughter was born. Then it was as if my boys no longer existed. I finally just withheld them all from my parents. My husbands father ignored my girls cause he hated me. So we withheld them all. My poor kids had no grandparents. It was pathetic.
How sad that she does not accept her . It is her deep loss . And now the child knows .The child will be hurt . Her words stung and were rude . I would not ask your mom to do another thing for you . She had put a wedge, not you .
All you can do is reassure your daughter, talk to her about it all and let her know your feelings about anyone who doesnât include her in your family, let her know she is loved and you will always be there for her
I have raised 6 kids. 4 were from my hubbyâs first marriage and then I had 2 of my own. I was only 21 when I got married to their dad. I always say my kids when introducing them to anyone. My mum always called the 4 kids her step grandchildren and I think that hurt them that they werenât really accepted by my mum. I told my mum that even though they werenât biologically her grandchildren they were still her grandchildren. My 6 kids always call each other brother or sister and the 4 older hv never called my 2 kids half brother or half sister itâs my youngest sister or youngest brother despite the 14 year age gap between the youngest of the 4 and the oldest of my 2. Tell yr mum that she needs to accept yr 9 year old as her grandchild or she wonât see any of her grandchildren until she accepts the 9 year old as part of her grandkids
Explain to your child that your mom has different feelings from you and itâs your momâs problem not your childâs problem. I say just tell the truth to everyone and if your mom canât accept your child then she doesnât deserve to see any of your other children.
Thatâs when you cut ties with them⌠why was it ok for your step dad to take care of you and your siblings but you canât do the same??
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Ur mom shouldnât have behaved that way anyway make her understand that the little girl is your child no matter what she thinks
Do what I did had nothing to do with her for 6month till she begged me to see the grand kids then I layed down the rules and if I seen her be nasty to anyone of them we would go for another 6 month and kids are good caricatures and so they will not want to have much to do with her
Id make sure your step daughter undetstands you dont feel that way and your parents need to accept her or accept none of them.
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Stick to your guns! She may not be blood, but very much family. Shame on your mom!
XX hugs to you. NO child should feel like they are unwanted ever. Youâve got this - stick to your guns on this one
Your Mother Donât Care About Others !!! There are People Like That Everywhere. She Is COKD- HEARTED !!! Let Her Know If She Canât Show Love To a Child That You Will Not Be Coming To See Her & the Children Will Have A New Sitter With Feelings. Avoid Her Fr. Awhile !!! She May Come Around in Time . .but ⌠donât Bet on It !!! The Kids Will All Be Happier With Love ,Truth & Good Care. Your Mother is Like Racism They Only Can Associate With Whom They Like ,Thatsâ Like Them. They Probably Donât Really Like Your Husband !!!
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Itâs unbelievable to me seeing you had a step dad, children donât ask to be put into these situations, most children ( younger ones) donât have a choice,they just are and every child deserves love and caring from their parent; the adult in charge whether they are step parents or biological. If sheâs a Christian, ask what would God have you/ her do.So sad your mother doesnât understand that.Protect your family.
Once you marry someone who has a child you should always treat that child like your own. If grandma canât handle it then thatâs her problem to deal with.
I would exclude your mother from all family events and distance my relationship from her. If you love this child and truly feel like her dad that is what is needed. Poor child I feel for her as I was in same situation as a kid.
I have 7 grandchildren 4 blood 3are not they all are just as important to me no matter how they came into my family
The grandma involved needs one heck of an eye opener of some sort
That is horrible for child to hear that. Children are blessings. It none of your mom business.
Stand your ground and tell your mother she should be ashamed of treating any child as less than worthy of equal love children are innocent and they deserve the very best we can give them.
Well done you for not only putting your mum in place but refusing pics without all of your kids. Amazing step mum I hope your step daughters mum was proud of you for that choice and didnât hold your mum horrible opinion against you x
My dad felt that way when I had my first daughter and didnât want my husband and I said that either they accept him or they wouldnât accept any of us.I know this is not the same I would tell her to accept all your kids including your step daughter or donât see any of them.Just my opinion thats what I would do
Has your mom exhibited any symptoms of dementia? That would be the only way I could excuse her behavior! We lost my precious stepson when he was 23 and I wish I had more pictures of him. He didnât like to have his picture taken, but I do have one very good one that he made that he said he was making just for me. He was two when I married his Dad. I loved him like my own and he loved me too.
Does mom have a good relationship with this kid? Sad
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Shame Shame on your mom. I think she is not only being mean but needs counseling. No one treats a child that is not responsible for her situation like that, unless they have some deep down insecurities.!!! I am so proud to hear that you stood up to her. I think that must hurt your husband. I would tell your stepdaughter that sometimes adults arenât grown up in everyway( meaning your mom) and arenât able to love as you do, but you love her as your own! My mother in law was not happy when I divorced my alcoholic husband. A few years later I ended up pregnant with my seventh child, due to a second marriage. I was forty-two and did not have much money. That wonderful precious woman showed me that all children are precious and she treated my second husbands and my child as her own grandchild. Everything she did and bought for my older six kids , she also did for my last child . Including babysitting him while I worked and leaving him college money like the others!!! What a great example she was.
Choose your child! Your mom is being completely unreasonable and mean spirited.