We never used the word step when we brought our kids together as a family and as grand parents we will have shortly 7 grand kids not 4 and 3 but 7 no steps included
1 Like
Your mom should have let it be known about how she felt. Long ago. I feel your mom is wrong for that revelation.
Hate to say it as shes your mom ,but my opinion she is a very cruel person to hurt a child that way ,children are gifts from god to me
Tell her she needs to cut it out or she will be cut out. Family is family and it comes in all shapes and sizes she needs to fully understand it and acknowledge it and get her act together or she wonât be part of raising those beautiful babies.
Your mom will always be your mom. But she is wrong. She has made a stand You have made yours clear also. Protect your child and explain to the child that it is not her fault.
That is really sad! I wouldnât ask your mom to do anything for your children . Children shouldnât be hurt for ignorance as your mom has displayed!
Upsetting as all this is for youâŚdont make a big deal out of itâŚit will only make your step daughter anxious that this is a big deal and its her fault for the situationâŚ
This makes me sad. I was a bonus kid and my stepmom was great. Her parents, not so much. My sister and I were always aware of the very obvious difference between us and our younger brother with our step grandparents. We got to the point that we wanted nothing to do with them. Iâm an adult now and it was a long time ago, Iâm not angry anymore but it still makes me a little sad if I ever think about it.
What you do for her has nothing to do with them. Youâre an adult caring for your child. Might not be biological but thatâs still your child.
Did your stepfathers family treat you like that? I bet not.i would let them know that the way they act is unacceptable and that she is part of the family and always will be.I would let her know that if she canât act like a adult she is not going to be welcome at my home
Your mother is so wrong, protect that child, never let your mom hurt that child again. So sad
Time to get rid of the negative. Only allow positive words to your children or the negative ones can take a long walk away. You control the outcome & put your foot down. No child deserves that. God bless & God luck
Guess itâs time to cut your Mom out of your life. That is horrible that the child heard this.
Just make sure your step child understands that what your mother is saying is not how you feel at all. Never have a conversation like that in front of children. Your mother is way off base. It is your husbandâs child and therefore you will love her as you love your own. And Iâd keep telling her that she had no problem giving you a step dad and ask what the difference is.
2 Likes
Stick to your guns!!! She is your daughter too! Blood doesnât make everyone family. Itâs our hearts that do.
I would be extremely concerned that she may be spreading her poison to the other kids.
This is where YOY circle up. YOUR nuclear family is your husband and yours and his kids. Your job is protect them and make them feel safe. If your are treating as your own than she will feel that. Grandparents can be a great asset but you still have to guard your children from all others and sadly sometimes that means other family members. Talk with daughter and explain that grown ups arenât perfect and some grown ups say and do hurtful things and you are sorry it happened and you will protect her. Find so.eone else to watch ALL your kids.
If they canât be as accepting with ALL of your children as she wanted her husband to be with you, your kids do NOT need her in their lives. ALL of your kids deserve BETTER.
I donât have enough information to honestly give advice, does your mom and her get along? Do you and the ex get along? I was a stepmom and I sucked at it, itâs a hard job!!! She was included in our family photos when she was around, itâs hard to have a routine with kids when the ex pops in and out of your life at her convenience with the kid. It all depended on what mood she was in or what she needed. My mom watched this go on for years and never bonded with the child, she saw me and my husband go through hell, sheâs 39 and still a child, enough was enough for usâŚgod bless and good luck to those that are good at it 
No matter what you raise her like your own. Most people would not do that. We need more people like you
Man, I treat my daughters step children like my own and she isnât even married to him. They have been together 7 years. I use to take her with me everywhere. She is now 16 but I purchase birthday and Christmas gifts for her and the other step-son when he was at the home. He is 20 now and in the Navy. That Grandma needs a shaking and a lesson in all children once they join your family by marriage are your children too. PERIOD!!
First stop talking about your bonus child,she has been in your life for over 8yrs n will be. A pity your mother canât accept this she is missing out. Just keep doing.
I think many people make decisions like that and it comes back to cause regret in their own lives. I come from a mixed family with a mother who used the phrases âhis kidsâ and âmy kidsâ.
Stand your ground. My son and his wife have 4 children. Three are from his first marriage but youâd never know they were his wifeâs step children. Same with all her family. The grandparents, auntâs, uncleâs and cousins. The kids are treated as they should be. Our daughter is adopted and our son is home grown. Everyone in our families knows we have 2 kids. End of discussion.
Yep. Stand your ground.
I have three grown children, not biological but also not called step. Although I am no longer with their mother for over twenty years, they are still my children. Period
That bonus kid just might help her more than her own grandkids one day u have to be careful when it comes to children u should not ever hurt a child feelings because they will never forget that hurt especially when u get old and they might have to wash your ass
Never let anyone treat your step child any different , i two am a stepmom i to had my son in my life since he was one i love him the same as my own and i nor my family ever said he was a stepchild , you love them the same
Thatâs pretty sad and very petty of your mother. She ought to be ashamed of herself for how sheâs trying to exclude your bonus child. You need to find out how she is treating her when you arenât around.
This Grandma is down right mean to treat a child like this maybe she needs time out from all of them
She would treat them all the same or she wouldnât be around any of them
Donât know what to sayâŚyour step-dad was the inspiration for u to treat this child as your ownâŚwhy upset now
First of all your mom is totally wrong if you are raising your children and your husband child she is your daughter also so yes she does belong in that family picture because her dad is also your children dad
Just keep on doing what yr doing,the little girl is a child of the family .stand by her she depends on you to protect her and take care of her,you wont regret it .but they will.cut them loose save yourself any bother.
This is not your motherâs business. She should be proud that she has a daughter that raises a stepchild as her own.
Tell her if she canât except her she will have none of them. Your kids come first
If that were my mom sheâd never see any of my kids!
1 Like
How heart breaking. There are not steps in a blended family.
I think you pointed out the floor in your mums logicâŚthat its ridiculous on her part. If you can be arsed you could ask her why she feels this way. Or you could just skip on your way away from the craziness
This is really a terrible situation your mother is toxic and you have to protect your bonus child and all of your other children keep them away from her as much as possible because you really donât know what this child is being towed told
You are completely right a child should. Ot be excluded because of whoâs blood runs thru there body love and support all of them and if she canât. Mother or not Iâd cut her out
I have a step sister and a half sister. They were each treated wrongly in some ways and I feel for her.
Thatâs so mean of her. Sheâs just a baby. Stand up for her. Your mom can accept all or none. Her choice.
Wrong on your momâs part. Talk to your eldest and let her know how much she is loved by yâall.
Children are innocent, and this is where we start teaching them to hate. You sound like a very loving person and you should eliminate this hate mongering person from your life and ALL of your childrenâs lives immediately.
1 Like
Take a step back. Maybe some distance from your mom will make her realize she needs to change her attitude!
Maybe at this point your mom and stepdad need not to tell you what to do and what notâŚyour kids are yours be it biological or notâŚthe fact that you love her as your own is enoughâŚjust focus on that and you wont get lost. Keep that love for her and the rest and you wont go wrong. When you marry him you married all of himâŚhe is and all of his is your family now.
So donât let her see any of the kids she will change her tune
Get rid of your mom they are all your kids and if she canât accept that 
she doesnât need to see any of them
1 Like
Side with your âbonus kidâ , every time.
Your mom needs a good talking to! How shameful! I really donât understand some people! I feel bad for your little girl!
1 Like
Your mother is wrong. It is never alright to make a child feel unwanted EVER!
1 Like
Oh mama I am so sorry youâre going thru this. No need for it. Sounds like your mom needs a reality check. Maybe not invite her when having family get togethers at your place. If she canât accept your bonus baby, then she doesnât need to be there. I know it sounds harsh, not saying take her out of the picture all together, but just on certain things.
5 Likes
Shame on your mother!
Is it possible for you to adopt your stepchild, for her sake? Then your rude, heartless mother canât deny that sheâs yours. Otherwise, thereâs also making your mother understand that if she rejects the one, she rejects them all, and stick to that.
Sorry, but the only answer is to totally cut grandma out, or this will go on forever
Yep your mom needs a time out also take your 9 year old aside and let her know that you are ashamed of your mother.
My cousin had a kid out of wedlock. He met this girl, she loves his son as her own⌠Iâm assuming it was just a but show because I soon as the wedding vows were said she ignores my cousinâs son, excluded him from anything family relates. My cousin and his wife ended up have 8 kids together. Itâs to a point that my cousin followed in his wifeâs footsteps because he has ignored his 1st born ever since he had his 1st child with his wife. I find is appallingly to do such a thing.
My cousin always says he has 8 beautiful kids⌠no dear cousin you have 9 kids.
I know itâs none of my business but itâs just wrong.
I have no words for this. But if she treats her like this in front of you imagine how she treats her when no ones around
you know what your mom is out of line maybe she does need a timeout . let her rethink her situation and that her husband needs to get in line and step up and set her straight if not . no loss your kids are your family biological of not .
Sounds about as bad as my 9 year old biological daughter being treated very similar but with her own blood relatives.
Thats toxic behavior and all of your children should be kept from themâŚ
3 Likes
I say if she doesnât see or do for all, she doesnât see or do for any. Set your limits of what you will tolerate. People are so cruel.
Ask youâre daughter how does youâre mom treat her when you are not with her.? You might not like what you hear.
Your mother is wrong and she is not a bonus she is your daughter.
Get new daycare/babysitter⌠Yes, itâs gonna cost you, but right now itâs costing that 9 year old % of her self-worth, and that is far TOO high a price
Your mom should be ashamed. Protect your children from her. Iâm sure she treats your 9 year old bad⌠This is so sad.
If you canât love the bonus kids as your own, you probably shouldnât be in the relationship. Grammar wrong not to accept the situation.
While she has her right to think what she wants, just remind her that if her husband, your step dad treated you this way, how would she feel? I would uplift your step dad over and over to the point he is above her on how your feel about him.
Your mother I straight up wrong. You are right about your step dad and the correlation you made. She thought it was OK when it pertained to her.
I fully understand what you are going thru. I have 3 grandkids, one is from my son and his wife and the other two are from my daughter-in-laws past relationship. My wife and I treat all of their kids as are own grandkids. That is the way it should be. I have a sister that is just as your mother. She married into a marriage where her husband was raising a child since birth as his own. She was not his child but he was the man that raised her as his own. My sister wanted to be with him but refused to accept that child as her own. She has three other children two from one father and the youngest from a past relationship where she expects his new spouse to accept them as his own but refused to accept his daughter as her own. Sad that she made him get rid of his daughter by dropping her off at a home where they had unwanted children. Keep doing what is right and donât allow your mother and step-dad to treat your child any different.
Would be the last time she was included in anything
So sorry to hear that. Your mother is completely out of line.
That child need to hear all that and your mom is wrong
No matter kids should not be treated by parents or grandparents as itâs their fault. Its not right to punish or pick favorits. Your mom is wrong in doing this to a your daughter no matter who is the parent. Your kids will see that and either treat her that way or maybe they should stand up for her. Someone has too.
So have they been treating your bonus daughter like this from day one? If they have, why did this just come to a head now? And if they havenât, what changed?
Find someone else to watch all the kids and cut her off ⌠Mom or not she is abusive
Stand your grounds!!! Furthermore find someone else to watch ALL of your children and remove her from the picture till she can accept ALL. BLOOD doesnât make you a family.
Then quit letting your mother have anything to do with the kids.dont let her be involved in absolutely anything til she changes or she will never see the kids
Iâm with you, your mom is way out of line on this one.
Get your Mom out of your life. Sheâs bitter and very negative. Iâd be curious to know her response to your question about your stepdad. That got left out.
Itâs not the childâs fault granny youâre wrong
I know of Many Families that Refuse to Allow the " Steps " to be Included!!
I Informed All those in My Circles That I âWalked up and Down Stepsâ" I Did not Have Steps as Family!!"
Your mother was wrong how could she say that
Unfortunately, if this âgrandmaâ goes to church, it isnât doing her any good!!
People have forgotten how to treat humans as human and that it takes a village to raise a child , itâs really sad
Thatâs supposed to be that child did not need to hear that
So what did your Mom say when you called her out about you and your step dad???
Thatâs sad but when people get older sometimes they are very rigid in their thinking. My mom is in her 80s now and a vicious fighter for the protection of babies in their mothers wombs. However, there was a time in our lives she was extremely critical of my children and said some pretty terrible things about them. All of them are from the same man that I was married to for 20 years. All of the kids know their grandmother is a difficult person and they donât have very deep relationships with her. I am sure at some point theyâve all been hurt by her critical comments. Sometimes my mom will say ;â your children donât talk to me, call me or even wish me a Happy Birthday,â I never say a word, I let the statement fall or I pretend not to hear her. I am not responsible for my childrenâs relationships with their grandmother. They are grown now and everyone involved is an adult. I do feel sorry for my mother but it would be a tightrope walk for me to get involved. Honestly you canât punish your mother or teach her anything. All you can do is rise above it. Be the bigger person and if it comes to a family get together prepare the child, tell her grandmas not firing on all cylinders or maybe youâve done something in the past ? Itâs Probably not the child at all. Maybe you need to ask for forgiveness for overlooking her feelings and pushing through with your own concerns at a particular juncture or perhaps you do this as a common practice? point. Maybe youâve assumed something you shouldnât have? Your moms not the enemy, this is all deeper than whatâs easily seen. Maybe time away, overlook the whole incident or call it a misunderstanding and take a hard look at yourself. Time heals a lot and forgiveness causes us to grow. 
Sheâs sounds like a narcissist and you should detach if she has no respectâŚwhat a horrible way to treat a child:(
First off donât call your child bonus
treat them all the same as i big happy family or tell ya mum she wont see any of them simple
1 Like
Cut your mean mom from your life n your little girl, till she apologizes for hurting hers n your feelingsâ:disappointed_relieved: Otherwise, she will never learn sheâs a big hipocrit n needs to love n accept your daughter. Whether sheâs your blood or not. The same way her new husband accepted you as his son. N donât budge, cus only she knows what she does to your baby girl, when their w their MEAN GRAMAâ:smiling_imp:
. I get 3 baby G-daughters n 1 little step G-son. N I would give me life to each one if themâ:100:
w no question ask. Good luckâ:heart: n keep being the great father you areâ:pray:
You are in the right. I love all my great grandchildren , some not by blood, but makes no difference to me. I love them all.
Shame on her , that is what is wrong with this world , Tell her we are all gods children, I feel so sad for your 9 year old daughter god bless you all
Ditch the toxic mom snd keep living ALL your kids. Family has many definitions and biology is a terrible one. You keep being you.
Youâre a good person for loving the bonus child and if your mother canât see it thatâs on her good luck
So sad. !!!
Yes the step dad raising is no difference. Mom is blind. So sorry that hurts
1 Like
You sound like a very good
Mom, to all your children. Shame on your Mother.
I remember my step grandmother and her shenanigans well. So will she. Its sad.
Just love her she is your own mom will have to deal
Iâm sorry , but I. probably wouldnât let her see any of the children . So sad 