I could understand if he was a pig and didn’t help out around the house. The snarky comments are disrespectful, how would he feel if you made these sayne comments about his kids?? I’m a bitch and I would just say back to him, then we will all leave since you can’t be a supportive husband knowing I been having a hard time finding out I’m adopted and finding family.
Maybe let him read what you just wrote!
Starting over takes time for 7 months is rather reasonable in that aspect it is hard on a family dynamic too.
First off congratulations on finding your bio-brother! That is amazing!!! My Dad and his brothers found a Sister a few years ago and it’s been amazing.
Please keep in mind, that sometimes when someone goes through something like you have you don’t always pick up on the things you might have used too. It’s like your brain is on over drive trying to process all the emotions about the adoption and then the siblings. That is a lot for anyone to take in, especially when you have a household to run.
Since finding out; how many times have you sat down to a quiet place to sit and process the emotions by yourself? Talk to someone such as you husband or close friend about how you are feeling? You need to do this multiple times! All of this is a lot to take in, you have to let feelings out in some way. Assess the situation; are dealing with your emotions?
As to the situation between you husbands support and your brother. Do they just not get along? Is your husband worried about how you’ll handle him moving out? Are you two able to speak alone or is the brother constantly in your business? Remember your husband loves you; so when you talk to him about this; approach it with an open mind and try to hear each other out. Ask for explanations if needed. Men aren’t the best communicators!
Tell him to f*** off. You’ve made plenty of sacrifices for him and you’ve been traumatized. You need his patience and understanding right now instead of his complaints.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My newly discovered brother is living with us and my husband hates it, what should I do?
I would never move someone I barely know into my home especially a man since I have daughter’s. This is your husbands and kids home too and if they are being made to feel uncomfortable in their own home it’s time for the brother to go. Was there ever an agreement on how long he would be staying? How long has he been there? Is he actually looking for a place? You said something about 7 months but it’s not clear if that’s how long he has been there or how long he plans to stay. It doesn’t take 7 months to get a place. Does he have a job? Does he help with expenses at all?
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It’s seems like a lot of the suggestions here are to leave your husband, this is ridiculous! Although you are very happy to find your brother, you didn’t know existed until recently, your first responsibility is to your immediate family you have had for 10 years. It sounds as though you may have a little resentment about your step children as well. You know nothing about your brother except what he has told you. You can love him but be careful you don’t let him come between you and your other family. If he is 35 he surely is picking up on the friction he is causing. Who took care of him before he learned of you? You may question his motives since you really don’t know him. You will find a lot of opinions here, some you will agree with and some you will not. Sometimes people are looking for validation for their feelings rather than what is really the what should be done. I’m not here to argue with differing opinions just giving my opinion, like all the others here. What makes us the ones to tell you what you should do? There are a lot of bitter people out there and will give very bad advice especially when they say this is what they did or didn’t do with all theire x’s
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He is used to having you there exclusively for him and his needs. Just reassure him that this is temporary. But also let him know that you would appreciate him support, as you have given him and his family.
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Tell him your brother is blood, his children aren’t but you love them anyway. He needs to get over himself. It’s only temporary.
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Give your brother timeline to get his own place. No reason for a 35 year old you don’t really know to be living in your home. Especially with a young daughter. You can still be close but he needs his own space and you need yours with your family and kids.
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Your brother’s a grown man. He should have had his 
together before he moved and never should have put you in that situation in the first place. Unless it was you that asked him to stay with you and your family. If you talked to your husband about it then the two of you should have come up with a time frame of when your brother should leave. If you didn’t talk to your husband about it and just told your brother that he could stay than I don’t blame your husband for being upset about it.
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You have a problem… Sometimes a family member can anchor down and have no intentions of leaving … Don’t let this ruin your marriage … Your husband has a point … Time for you and your brother to have an understanding of his intentions and soon. How long do you welcome someone in your home when it is beginning to create friction?
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Tell hubs he can be a big part of helping you recuperate your family or he can keep his duties at the house but get the hell out until your brother is able to leave. Men are so dominating in every arena. They think what lies between their legs guarantees them a place in the bed. I wish women would fight back when their husbands come back so dominating. Men need to be checked at every turn. Just saying take no shit and there won’t be any.
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You can get to know your brother without him living with you. Maybe he feels your brother is taking advantage of the situation.just a thought!
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Your husband needs to grow up. It’s give and take in a relationship. You’ve done a lot of giving, now he can to.
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I don’t mean to come off as cruel but 7 months is a long time for a visit. Does he have a job ? Lots of questions, but will leave. It at that .
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If you want to save your marriage, I think you need to talk to your brother and get him out of the house. 7 months is a long time to have someone in your home, and it is very unclear to me why he would even ever want to be in someone else’s home. He needs to get a job, if he already doesn’t and a place of his own.
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If your husband agreed to this in the first place you need to remind him of that and also remind him seven months in the grand scheme of things it’s not a long time and he could help towards making you feel much better having family around.
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Honey pray and ask God to soften your husbands heart and thank God for the answer amen
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Ask him how he would feel if it had happened to him instead of you. How would he feel? Hopefully he will internalize it and realize what you are going through. He may say it would never happen to him. I found out I was adopted at age 75 and had siblings. Best wishes.
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There are a lot of reasons why your husband disapproves of this new arrangement. Did your new found brother show proof that he is your brother? Maybe your husband has some things “missing” and he’s suspicious of your brother. Does your brother do drugs and your husband is worried about your children. Has your brother been in jail or prison and can’t get a job?How has your brother been supporting himself? Who buys his clothes, food, cigarettes, etc.?What does he do all day long? Does he job hunt or does he play games and watch TV? Where was he living at before you found him? Maybe you should do some research into that. Don’t just take his word on everything he says.
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Sit down with your brother and explain it to him. Your husband is number 1. You have asked to much of him. I went through something similar as you. I was taken advantage of. I let it happen because I didn’t want to risk losing my new going family. Yes irs thrilling and all that but I guarantee you…you are more attached than he is. Hes using you for a place to live. If you know anything about him you will admit this is a pattern of his in his adult life. You are not his mother. Tell him he has to leave because its not fair to your family. Your husband wants his privacy and besides…to him…your brother is a strange man in his house and he resents it perhaps is even uneasy with it…which is normal.
Your brother should have money saved up. Help him find a room somewhere or perhaps he might want to go back where he was living before.
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Your brother is 35 yrs old. Its been 7 months. He is using you and your relationship. Oh she won’t kick me out! He needs to go. Give this 35 yr old grown man a deadline to move out. You can still have a relationship but right now he is intruding on your household. Good luck.
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You have to use tough love with your brother! He grown man now ! You need to discuss with your hubby on this matter & you know it’s wrong or you would not ask for help from. Facebook praying for you & hubby:pray:
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You given him everything and he’s giving nothing in return but a hard time. Hes a winner 
. Been through that a few times before and they’re all exes of mine. Pray. If it dont work out, God’s got better.
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Maybe now you know why you aren’t his first wife.
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Seven months is a long time. Jobs are very plentiful right now. Maybe ask your husband to help him find work and a place to live. If he lives close, you will still see him. Your husband and kids are used to a lot of attention. You obviously are a very special person.
My husband would probably not go for 7 months either.
Explain to your brother that he needs to hasten the process, so that you can normalize your household. He will understand.
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How long do you plan on your brother living with you? Has he been working towards his own place? Maybe the 3 of you can come up with a plan that satisfies all of you.
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Some of you folks are really distrustful. Good thing I’m not your long lost relative.
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I am happy you found your siblings. I wish you the best. I have to say I think 7 months is more than enough to find a place to live as well as work. He could have have saved up alit of $ by now. I think it’s time to move on and get a new relationship started from your own homes. Best of luck.
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Sounds like your husband needs a wake-up call…
Sounds like he needs to take lessons from what u ha e done for his side.
If he can’t except your brother well looks like he needs to grow up and set an example for the younger kids. wonder y he’s been divorced before???
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Your spouse is childish. When you marry, you also marry that person’s family. I dont see resentment on your behalf, only his. It’s called unconditional love! He doesn’t feel that.
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Is your brother working or just laying up in your house??
No work, No house.
Working then no worries.
Maybe your husband has a hard time trusting a total stranger in his house with all of your family treasures that you have worked very hard to get
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My question is why hubby is so angry about this? Putting aside that she hasn’t know him long. Sounds like the brother is helpful around the house. Is hubby feeling neglected by her and possibly feeling like she did- as the odd man out in this situation?
How is the brother with the kids? Might add to it too as in are the children gravitating towards uncle for love, hugs and advice?
There is a lot more to this than is being explained. Sounds like she needs to have a talk with her man and find out and move bro out soon if she wants to keep her marriage happy.
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First of all, you said “I” have a 9-year old daughter…is she yours’ and your husband’s? And second, how did you come up with the timeframe “he’s staying 7 months”? Is he working at a regular job? Was he married, has kids? How much do you really know about him? I’d be a little uncomfortable about a 35-year old man-who you really don’t know-move into my house with your children🤔
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7 mos is too long. You can get to know him from his own apt. Lots of back and forth visits. You dont mention other new found relatives, do they visit or want to move in,?
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There needs to be a definite date when your brother moves out. Does he have a job?
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You can have the same loving, giving relationship with your brother if he has his own place. It will keep the peace in your own family as well. 7 months is long enough.
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When a grown adult has moved in, it is because of financial hardship. The dynamic should only be temporary. Sounds like you need a game plan/ timeline to help him get back on his feet. His independent would really help everyone. I am sure he would understand. And your partner would be happy. Good luck, I hope everything works out for all of you.
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Sounds like insecurity to me. Just carry on getting to know your brother.
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Why is adult brother staying 7 months??? Brother needs to respect his brother in law and sisters home. He should get a job and rent a room nearby or get an apartment and visit if he wants to build relationship.
Op really needs to give her hubby some respect and help bro move forward.
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Sounds like hubby is jealous.
He resents the happiness he wasnt able to provide, he resents tbat another man is helpful and he doesnt see or recognise how much you have sacrificed for him.
He needs to finally man up and respect you and make friends with his brother in law.
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Other adults living in the house with family not a good mix! Time frames are a very good thing! This could go on forever if you let it!
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Wow really your husband is the head . move on than let it be . yes love is important but get to know him first that is your brother.
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I truly understand you. Something bad to something good. You have done quite a bit for your husband, but you did and do it out of love. I hate to break it to you 7 months is way longer than he needs truth is 3 would be right. Job or not place to live or not. He had a job and a house before he came to you. So what if he helps cleans. He can clean his own house.
I just couldn’t handle having someone staying with my husband and me, outside of our kids & grands. Recently stayed overnight with 2 brothers & a sister in law for a small family event. I love them, but sure wouldn’t want to stay together long.
Your husband doesn’t feel comfortable. Your brother may be a great guy but it might be time for him to get a job and get his own place. Then you and your brother can go do things on your own
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It sounds like your husband is being very unfair, and not sympathetic to what you went through, seriously, I don’t think you will be able to change his mind. I pray that your husband will realize how much you love your brother and changes his nasty attitude! Good luck 
It’s that “man thing” where they have to be the center of your attention, even with your family. You might have to talk to your brother about moving sooner but also talk to your husband that this is your family and you are so happy you found each other and he needs to not stand in the way of that. Good luck
Weather real or imagined your husband seems to have developed some insecurities. Assure him that your love and devotion to him has not changed. Be sure your making room for him in his own home and in your heart. I understand how exciting having your brother with you can be just remember where your priorities are.
Its definitely a matter of choosing between your husband and your brother. Think wisely and act with the help of God!
I suggest you order the book “Boundaries in Marriage” by Townsend and Cloud, from Amazon and start reading it and implementing its principles on attitudes and communication. Very helpful book! In a marriage there needs to be fairness about having family, from both the wife’s side, and the husband’s side, in your home, how often, and boundaries to set. I think you will benefit by the book.
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I think itwould be wise to seek some professional counseling in this situation. You have a lot going on. A blended family, stepchildren in and out, a husband who feels replaced by a previously unknown brother, discovering a family you never knew, how to help your brother become self-sufficient…any one of those could be a deal breaker. Talk to your doctor or check with your local mental health agency. Many offer free or reduced fee counseling. Good luck to you all.
You have just discovered this brother of yours and it’s great to get to know him and what better way then staying with you . You accept your husbands children when they are there . If your husband loves you he should know what it means to you . Family is important . 7 mos isn’t long considering you never knew him and he is your brother . Relationships require compassion , understanding and compromise . Both involved should do for each other
Must say I’m glad im not in your situation. It’s a tough call. I think your husband is being unreasonable but then I can see his point too. I would say it’s pure jealousy on hubby’s part cause you are happy. Maybe tell him that you would do the same for him if it was his brother.
What was your brother doing before he met you? Where was he staying and how come you are the only solution for a home? He could go to social services and get help. You can still get to know him if he lives near by. Does your husband work and pay the bills? I helped my mom, ended in a divorce, she moved on and now I’m alone. No help. This happened to me twice. Family before nuclear family.
You have vulnerable children in your home. You are just getting to know this man. You need to protect your kids and listen to your husband. Get your brother out and into his own place. Get to know him as he goes about his own life.
He is not being very empathetic or understanding is he? Nope!!! Stand your ground and enjoy getting to know your brother. Hopefully it all works out well!!!
Your husband is not being unreasonable.You just now found your brother and not passing judgements, but what do you know about him really. Your husbands feelings should come into play here.
I think that the husband needs to remember that his wife has accepted his kids and cared about them. If they have been married for 10 years then that means the kids were 4 and 9 so it might have been a little tough in the beginning but she says that she loves them so I think her husband should do the same and be patient. Finding out what she did about her family had to be a shock. It’s good that she and her brother have become close. Even if her brother gets a job immediately, with the way rents are, it will take time to save up enough for rent plus deposit. I think the husband needs to consider how he would feel or what he would do if it was someone in his family who needs help. Perhaps counseling might help.
Set a date for your brother to move out by. Help him get on his feet. You have to be fair to your husband snd children also.
Great you found your brother,yes give him a month to find a house,but remember your married & have a family even if they are step children,remember this is 2021 and everyone has a cell phone.you & your brother can stay in touch with each other & get together for suppers,lunch,did your brother have a residency when he wasn’t with you? What comes to my mind is your brother is a mooched,free ride,let him know he is reaching his end
From someone who just found her own brother three years ago after over fourty years I think your husband is being a tool. This is your brothet by blood. Not just someone you picked up on a corner. If the roles wete reversed you would support him I’m sure. He needs to realize one thing. He married you for better or worse. This is the best you have felt in a long time and he feels his worse. Come to a compromise. Sit down all three of you and come up with a plan. A date for your brother to get a job and a time to be out of the house and in his own. This way your compromising and not going against your husbamd but not upsetting the relationship you have made with your brother. Stick to the plan though
Speak from your heart. How important your brother means to you. That you are very close to him and that makes you very happy. Remind your husband how much you have done for him and his family. Tell your husband that you need him to empathize for how you are feeling and how important this one person, your brother, means to you. Take care!
You can get to know your brother
Even if he is living sum where orther then your home these is a so cald brother you just found out you have you dont know eatch orther at all and you move him in
He is 35 years old
If he is healping with house work and things then he is able to be on his own. You are going to wake up and find sum things gone or one of the girs
7 months is way too long. He should get his own place & you can invite him over for a meal occasionally.
Well your husband is not going to change, he doesn’t like another man in his house. You can make it eight months just try and get along, it’s not forever.
I completely agree with your husband. No way a grown man should be loving with a married family. He can be your neighbor if you want him close by.
It must feel wonderful to have found your brother. Congratulations. Yet, remember he is a complete stranger at this point. There is so much that you do not know about this person that is your brother. I would have to suggest, as with any stranger in your home, that you do a complete background check on him. That of course includes criminal. Set a move-out date, then stick with it. It might be really helpful to see a counselor or therapist at this time, for yourself, to explore your feelings regarding the entire situation. Alot of lightbulb moments may appear as to why EVERYONE is doing what they are doing and why. But set a deadline 30/45 day (?) AND stick to it. THEN continue your relationship with your brother, deepening the brother/sister bond outside your home. Relax, observe and leave room for him to reveal how he chooses to further invest in the relationship. Good luck.
Been through this, except with a granddaughter. My husband was hideous to both of us. She has since moved in with her dad, but I’ll always remember how badly my husband behaved.
Your brother will eventually move on, but your husband will hopefully be with you for the rest of your life. Husband should come first. Talk to Bro and explain the situation and help him find his own place. Tell your husband you understand and are working on the situation. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Praying for you.
Does your brother have a plan? I would have a good talk with my husband and follow whatever he recommends. You are too close to make a rational decision. You made a promise to forsake all others an cling to your husband. Best wishes for you and your family 
He has to go! He wouldn’t have moved into my house. Hes a 35 year old stranger
You are forgetting your girls. I am sure there is an uncomfortablity around a strange new man. I imagine they can’t walk around in their PJ’s around him if you all are responsible parents. Husband is probably feeling nervous about it too. A couple months is one thing, almost a whole year is another. You can still get to know him while he resides in his own studio. I was adopted, I get it. But it is not all about you. Help him move out on his own. He is grown enough. Just tell him you have realized there is just not enough space and when someone else resides in the home, the family doesn’t function the same. Apologize for the change of mind, but no one realized it, it is nothing personal against him and that you guys are going to help him look for a new home.
Put the shoe on the other foot, if your hisband had a new found sister and moved her in for a whole year. Or brother, better yet. Because the same uncomfort your children must feel at times you would feel.
You can continue to grow your relationship while your brother gets his life together in his own apartment.
7 months is more than temporary. If your brother is as interested in getting to know you as you are him, I could see maybe a month to get his bearings and find an apartment. He should definitely be contributing to the household $$ wise if staying more than a few weeks. Happy you found each other, but it’s not your husband’s job to provide for such an extended stay.
All r adults its over 7mths its time to more on brother. In a life time one never knows onehundred percent. Best to all!
Does your brother work? Does he contribute financially? Did you all set the ground rules before he moved in? If no to one or more of these questions, then you’ve just discovered the issue. It’s never too late to change the expectations for all parties involved.
Having someone move in with you is not easy on anyone. Your daughter may be complaining to your husband instead of talking to you directly. I’m sure the step kids are. It affects every single person in the house, not just you. I have moved someone in, so I understand about the help. And I know trauma very well too. Unfortunately I am going to say you have to think about every single person that lives in the house other than you & how it affects them. They don’t know him and are not bonded like you are. Young girls are not happy about men they don’t know constantly being around. I know I wasn’t. My mother moved in a couple of guys & I hated it. There’s also the possibility of sexual abuse to your children-boys and girls. Just because you love having him there doesn’t give you the right to force everyone to tolerate it. 7 months is a very long time! Why can’t he get an apartment? Your husband would probably rather help him out financially and move him out. You need counseling for the trauma-having a long lost brother move in is not going to make up for therapy. I hope you stop and think about what’s best for your marriage & family before you end up divorced.
I think its a man thing,my man was the same way wen when my brother came to stay with us,it got to the point he was threatening to leave until my brother was gone an he was the one who drove 6 hours to get him to come stay with us
Tell him to stop being selfish and stand behind your decision, it’s not like your brother isn’t helping out ,
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My advice,and you can take it or leave it but I am a psychologist if that helps, is to thank your husband for being so tolerant and understanding. Offer what you just said about missing out on 35 years with him and tell him how much it means to you. However, tell him you appreciate how the encroachment affects him. Offer a middle ground. Ask him if getting some type of rent for room and board would help him feel like he is not being exploited. If he says no, my recommendation is to approach your brother in kindness and let him know that it is becoming more than you originally envisioned and that you need to know his plans for the future. Some people will stay and use the situation to their advantage and even the most well-meaning types may rationalize why it is acceptable to do during a pandemic. Still, your relationship with your brother will be affected if you ignore your husband’s feelings because it could lead to arguments.
Additionally, 7 months is a long time for someone to find a place to live. If you had known it would be this long, would you have agreed to having your brother stay? Do you think your husband would have agreed? If your husband feels ignored, he may begin to resent your brother. How will you feel if that happens?
Sometimes just knowing what we expect from others inspires them to meet the expectation. Other times, we have to spell it out for them.
I’m 73yo w a blended family but living even with those you know is hard. This is red f I a s m alarms all over. Put your current family first. Get to know him but NOT in your own home, please. It’s already trouble.
There are programs for displaced people, this guy came in as a grifter, 7 months proves that. I didn’t even do quite that for my own son on drugs & that was too long. He was then forced to grow up & now doing OK, paying his own rent, food,… If your husband doesn’t think his “help” is worth other risks, especially if children are involved, he will not change his mind soon & it IS his home too. Sadly, this isn’t the same as what you’ve done bc an unknown is involved & people aren’t transactions.
As an adult your brother should be able to find a job. As we were raised, EVERY DAY is your job, it’s your JOB to find a job. He can himself find a program of that applies & then you both can go from there.
Your brother needs to get a job and be out on his own sooner than 7 months. My opinion
Maybe just stop talking about it with him. Forgive him for whatever selfishness is causing the snark.
(He probably wants his alone time with you back…)
Let the comments roll off ~ like water off a duck. Y’all can do 7 months 
A grown man should not need more than seven months for help, unless he is disabled in some way. Also, it’s not wise to have random men living in your house with daughters. Your love is blinding you.
I agree 7 months??? I think your husband may have his eyes a bit more open than you can…
Sorry, your husband comes first. You and your brother can visit each other when he gets his own place. Wondering if he is taking advantage of you. Wondering if he wants to drive a wedge between you and your hubby. Wondering if you are 100% sure he is your long lost brother. You will be fine; he will be fine.
Sounds like hubby doesn’t understand the actual gravitas of the situation. Hopefully you get him on your level 
Before u invite your brother to come to stay u should have sit and talk to ur husband about it,remember this is a stranger to both u and your husbamd…I suggest u have a conversation with Ur brother about the length of his stay 7 months is a long time to have a stranger around your daughters …he shouldn’t have an invitation without ur husbands approval…
I took stones from Sedona 21 years ago. They’ve haunted my staircase for years. Made my brother leave to airport at 3 am.
Any time I am faced with a difficult decision I ask myself one simple question: “Will what I am about to do hurt anyone or break anything?” If the answer is “Yes” then don’t do it. And remember, it’s ok to wait and do nothing in this moment. In time the correct response will present itself. It is never wrong to show love, compassion, patience, empathy and care towards others. And you have every right to expect the same in return from your loved ones. If they can’t do that for you then there is something wrong with them. Stand your ground.
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Please don’t think this is meant to be rude but does he have a car to put in applications? Is he try to get out of your home?
Sorry. But in this case I believe you are wrong.
You husband and current family take precedence.
What kind
of person moves in and plans a 7 mth stay?
Ask him if he is willing to take over the chores that your brother does
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Just a suggestion. Don’t put your dirty laundry on Facebook. You will end up confused with everyone else’s opinion. Follow your heart. This is for you and your hubby to work out. Best wishes
Your husband is jealous!
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You have a choice: husband or live-in brother. Time for brother to move out. He’s not a teenager
God First
Husband 2nd
Children 3rd
Everyone else last.
You openly accepted hi children…he should do the same for you. It’s called compromise.
Your own home should come first. But can you get your brother a place? Pray about it. God will give you an answer.