It is their house if they want you to not go over don’t go over. People have the right to set boundaries in their home.
Everybody is differant… Don’t feel bad. I know it’s hard not to. But heh, life goes on… I’d just stay away then. And if your Mom ask you, why you are not coming around, tell her what your Step Dad said to you…
I doubt if your mom said that you need to ask her the fact that he told you not to tell her say’s it all.
I’d have to agree with the others! I’m a mother who would Never tell my kids to stop visiting or coming over even if I wasn’t home they’re more than welcome to be there!
As a daughter my own mother has never told me not to come over even when we lived 5 mins from each other.
Get your mom and your dad together to figure out what’s going on. If it’s just him you’ll both will be able to tell but if it’s true what he says then they’ll both have to clarify what happen that has them distancing you and not the rest of the family.
You don’t need to go over to your parents place because you feel bored there is plenty of other things to do like go to a park, walk/run, go over to a friends house but leave your parents as they are getting older and want there own time to themselves. Your grown you can handle being on your own… but bring it up with your mother if that’s what you want to do!
Im dealing with the same in a way. My dad lives with my brother and told its best not to come over. It sucks because they have no interest in seeing and knowing our son. Their loss in the end. They are not worth my stress.
You’re grown and acting like a spoiled child. Your parents are allowed to have boundaries. Note, she doesn’t even TRY to understand why mom needs a break or what mom is going through- it’s all her.
Fix your life so you feel safe at your home. MUCH easier said than done, but much harder to do when you’re spending all your time at your parents house.
Who goes to someone else’s house to dye their hair unless that person offered to help? Like “hey, I just want to make a mess in YOUR bathroom!” No, just no. Whole post reads like a self centered narcissist complaining one of the people they enjoy using set boundaries. Good for your parents.
I understand why you feel hurt, maybe if he had explained alittle. Or maybe you took him the way. But it does seem like you need to find some friends not hanging out on them all the time they do have a live also. Maybe he just wants some time with her. Go have a talk with him. Clear the air. This is how miss understandings start. Then again it could be your mother feels it’s too much all the time. That doesn’t mean you aren’t loved or welcome over there.
So if you were note “bored” how often would you see them?
Color your hair at “Their” house❓
You are using them as a flop house. If you had “better” things to do you would hardly see them.
StepDad would like time alone with his wife. Are you Even Considering why the request was made? NOPE 
. It is All About YOU.
Find something else to do. Get a job so you can move to a nicer neighborhood.
Has she called and asked why she hasnt seen you that much this week?
Sounds like your jelious of their grandchildren getting more attention… you’re not saying your sister is hanging out but her children !
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Toxicity doesn’t discriminate against blood relation
I’d talk to your mom since he told you not to say anything
The fact that he said “don’t tell your mom” means ask your mom about it. Talk to your mom about it.
Definitely talk to your mom for sure!
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Talk to your mom and see if she agrees or if he lied
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As a mother, I can’t imagine another saying this… She is your safe haven. You should definitely talk to her.
Talk to your mom bc she may have no clue what has been said to you.
I’d talk to ur mom and if u need their help moving ask them those r u parents
I go to my parents house daily to play outside but I’m SUPER anal about cleaning up. Dad doesn’t want my son’s pools killing the grass. So I clean em up every single day. I also clean up everything inside he may drag out every time. My parents are in poor health but they don’t have to do much while I’m there. But this post has me questioning if they really want to put up with us so I’m gonna ask em. With us it’s really a visit for them & they really don’t have to do anything. Maybe think about what they have to do while you’re there. If it’s not much I would talk to my mom & tell her to be honest. If they are babysitting it may be too much. I’ll be having this conversation tomorrow so thank you for this
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This is your mom talk to her so she knows what is going on
Tell ur mom, if anyone ever says don’t tell ur parent you tell them…
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If I were you I would talk to my mother…
Space is always a good thing.
You need to tell your mother the truth, if you don’t you are allowing him to disrespect her
if your mom and you are close I would just talk to her about it. I would ask her straight out is me coming over all the time an inconvenience to you at all? But be prepared to hear the hard truth if she does have a problem, if not then it’s your step dad that has the problem.
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You need to talk to your mother!
If my grown kids just showed up without calling several times a week it would get old. And maybe mom is afraid of how you would react, which isn’t going well. I personally hate people showing up unannounced. It’s total disrespect for them, their time and their home. If you have so much free time volunteer, get a hobby or gym membership. Set a certain day to visit them. Always call ahead so they know your coming or can let you know if they have plans
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It’s not like they said “stop coming here forever” and it’d make sense that when they are not looking after their grandchildren, to want the time alone to relax and not have to talk to others or feel the need to host. 
just, give them some space, it really is not that big of a deal if you look at it from their perspective and they can’t help the location you had to choose to live, I love my child but when they are old enough to move out, you get that bit of privacy finally after YEARS and than they start having kids that you will absolutely adore and love but than it’s taken away again to help them with the kids, when you think about it, it’s nice to have that alone time when you can. But ask your mom cause him asking you not to say anything to her is suspicious
I would just move on. They don’t want me don’t want me. You can’t force them to like you.
I would keep silent, and they can invite you when they ready?
You are grown up now, they want to live they own life. Especially if you go there without notice first.
I just wanna add i know what it is like not to have any free time to do stuff without help. I would just ask your mom & make sure. If one wants you there & one doesn’t then they need to come to agreement on what’s acceptable for them. Hugs girl!
I go to my parents house like 3-4 times a week for a visit. We are tight knit. It’s not odd to me at all why that would hurt your feelings. Parents are supposed to be your safe place always. Talk to your mom and maybe limit your visits weekly for a while. Give them the space the asked for respectfully and maybe you’ll see a change. Everybody has boundaries. You have to respect theirs and they you. GL:black_heart:
Tell ur mom. My “dad” used to say stuff all the time. My mom watched my kids while me n husband worked and he would msg me saying its to much for my mom i need to find someone else to watch em or i need to come home my moms to exhausted etc he didnt wnt me telln her well i told her n she said she never said any of that not to listen to him. She was uoset tht he would even say those things because she loved having my kids there. He would even msg me from her phone like it was her n delete it id show her n she was ticked
Talk to your mom. Step dad had no place to tell you not to come over to see your mom and be around your family. It’s nice you think of them and want to be around and have company. People don’t understand how a family works these days and wonder why a lot of kids grow up to not give a shit about their parents or put them in a home. And then wonder why kids don’t contact them for days or weeks.
I would have ZERO issue with my child coming to see me.
I do understand boundaries but come on.
Idk how people in this comment section can say things like you sound needy. That’s just nasty to say. It’s obvious you like visiting and company. And it hurt for him to say that.
And he just sounds overall fishy. Why can’t you tell your mom? Why be sneaky? She may not
Mind you coming over and he probably can’t do what he wants if your there. It makes no sense.
Definitely talk to your mom. I know I would. Don’t care what her Man says. She’s my mom first.
Well, take it at face value. He told you what your mom wants. Maybe she doesn’t want this at all and it’s his interpretation. Best thing to do is to talk to them, casually, together. It’s no big deal for them to want some more alone time. It’s a big deal that you aren’t comfortable where you live. Talk things out and find the middle ground
Sorry your hurt. You will get through it. Quit being a wuss.
A lot of horrible parents in this thread have outed themselves…wonder if y’all realize you commenting on this will put it in your kids feed. 
Hopefully they’ll cut your toxic asses off after seeing it lol if you don’t want to be around your children when they’re adults you shouldn’t have had kids to begin with and you have no right to then expect be a big part in your grandchildren’s lives once they come into the picture either.
You sound needy. Like you can’t just ever be alone, and always need to go to your parents. They probably want some alone time to just relax.
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I really don’t get how people are thinking this is just the dads idea…lol I definitely believe the mom is bothered and likely expresses that to her husband often and so he finally reached out to give a boundary. Respect the boundary. Stop going there to make time go by and do not dye your hair in someone else’s bathroom??? go over when you are invited. ask when you can come visit. it’s completely natural that people want their space and their time uninterrupted. family is important but so is respecting boundaries.
I am extremely introverted, I would not enjoy family showing up unannounced and often. I still love my family and we communicate when we want/need a visit.
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Definitely talk to your Mom. Be truthful that it’s bothering you and you need to know what happened to prompt his statement. 
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Give them space but yeah I’d talk to your mom cuz sounds like stepdad is being shady
I 100% think that you should bring this up with your Mum as I wouldn’t be sure that it’s actually coming from your Mum, it could all be him!! I also think that if it is coming from your Mum then it’s something that you can both talk about the reasoning behind it 
Confront your mom?
Like?? Parents aren’t exempt from shit. Just be real about it.
Tell your Mom what he said.
Your dad could b full of shit. Talk to mom
Your step dad sound like a douche canoe
Talk to your mom she will tell you I know I would
Marilyn Olson totally agree
Maybe they had plans and you are interfering with that. Sorry but stay home call first ask if its ok to drop in. Just showing up to do you is a bit silly
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Respect their privacy and request!!!
Um get a job if you have all that free time
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maybe mom n dad need some afternoon lovemaking or intimacy and you’re a c*** block
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I’d absolutely talk to your mom
Talk with your Mother!!
Don’t go over there… duh.
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Talk to your mom communication is everything
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Talk to your mom, he sounds like a jerk
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I would tell your step dad that you don’t want to keep secrets from your mom. Tell him you will stay away until your mom calls with an invitation and confirmation that step dad told mom that he talked to you behind her back. I wonder what other secrets this manipulative step dad is keeping from your mom?
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I wouldn’t keep it from my mom but it’s also his house and maybe he is tired of never having any alone time. You are grown and don’t need to be at there house ever day. Give them a break and find friends park or other hobbies to keep you from being bored.
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I would talk to my mom sounds like your stepfather is an asshole
You sound like a spoiled brat that’s jealous of what your mom does for your sister. You don’t even live there anymore and it’s not your house. Just bc they are your parents that doesn’t mean you have the right to be at their home every day. Get a Hobbie. Maybe he told you bc your mother actually does need a break from you but doesnt have the heart to tell you that. Maybe he is looking out for his wife’s mental health.
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The fact he said don’t tell your mom, means you should ask your mom.
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Maybe go to the gym, get a part/full time job, go to school… hell if the boredom is killing you go cheat on your husband
#FirstWorldProblems
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If you are bored as an adult, stop expecting your parents to entertain you. They are also entitled to their own private time. They are saying they need a break. Its not a forever thing. Take this opportunity to have a look at a few things which arent boring. Like get a job, so that maybe you can afford to live somewhere where u do feel safe and secure… Quit being hurt about it and take some ownership and control of your own life.
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That man has absolutely no right to say you can’t visit YOUR MOTHER!!! I would talk to her about it and tell her exactly what “STEP-DAD” said. No man would EVER tell my kids they can’t come see me and unless I have an appointment or other plans, I, myself, would never tell them they can’t visit either! Clearly, he’s hiding something if he doesn’t want you to talk to her about it. So… what should you do? GO TALK TO YOUR MOM AND TELL HER EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!!!
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Well if you go over daily, that is overkill! Everyone wants their own space and privacy. Get a job, get a hobby, watch TV, read!!
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Find something else to fill up your time. You said you’ve been there 2 times this week, its only day 4 of the week so every other day you go round? They need a break. If they are babysitting regularly then last thing they need is more people turning up. You’re an adult and should be able to amuse yourself rather than have your parents entertain you
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What is the definition of a “visit” here? Are we talking poping in for coffee? Or 7 hrs per visit, with parents watching your kid while you play on a phone?
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Idk, I’d let my mom know for real, that it hurt you. My parents suck as grandparents, I have to make appointments to see them. My dad literally drives hours away to do what he wants, Never chooses me and my kids, goes 1-2 years without missing us. He’s never loved me, at least that’s how it feels. I had awesome, caring grandparents, my kids have none.
My son can invade my space whenever he wants to. He isn’t an adult yet, but I pray every single day that he comes home often to visit or stay with me. I have friends that haven’t seen their parents in years and don’t want to and I know that their parents miss them. IMO, parents should be grateful for their grown children wanting and willingly visiting them, some parents would do anything for that opportunity.
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Talk to your mom about it
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Ask your mom to come over your house
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Same thing happened to me years ago when I was young mom except it was my own mom telling me not to come too much because my step dad wouldn’t like it 
she would do things to avoid problems with him that would be so hurtful to me:pleading_face: now I don’t visit only on special family ocations 
she be like how come u don’t come visit:sweat: and I say I’m too busy but deep down inside it’s hard to forget what she had said .
I also like you would be bored and was down and Depressed a lot and would feel confort going over to my moms but now that I think about it I feel emberrased even going because they both probably would feel some type of way and I don’t ever want to be at a place where I’m not wanted or welcomed
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- if you feel so unsafe where your live, sounds like you should be moving… why are you still there???
- the majority of moms don’t like to speak up and hurt their child’s feelings, so this could be why he is saying it and not your mom… ask her…
- sounds like you are there quite a lot- and this is their time to spend together and relax. The kids are grown and moved out, and now they can just sit and relax. Even though it’s your mom’s house and you should feel welcomed, you should still give them the courtesy of letting them know you’re on your way over in case they have plans or just want to be alone for the day. Especially since they are now babysitting, they may need that day off for a breather. Be respectful.
Find a hobby, make some friends, get a part time job… and move out of your super unsafe house/apartment…
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If someone tell me not to repeat sumn they said, that I feel uncomfortable with … you better believe I’m tellin the person they said it about … 
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I’m always wary of anyone who says ’ so and so doesn’t want xyz but don’t say I said so’. This is clearly devastating you and you need to speak to your Mum. I would do it in front of him as this secrecy makes me very uncomfortable. I don’t believe for a second that your Mum said she doesn’t want u over there but I know other parents that have asked their kids to not visit on certain days so that they can make plans and have together time.
More importantly, if u feel unsafe where you are, what can u do to change that? It’s bad for your health and mental wellbeing to be afraid all the time and just the contents of your post make me concerned that there are bigger problems around this.
Definitely speak to your Mum, then maybe arrange to spend time out with friends, or out walking as that can improve your sense of wellbeing too.
Your husband should be supportive - can you/have u spoken to him about it? What about your sister coming to yours so that you have company?
Take a deep breath and make a list of options - it might help you to feel better.
Have u thought of joining a gym? You can pay per session or per class and afterwards you can shower and wash your hair there - I always used to shower in the gym before I came home.
Hoping it all works out for you xx
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Tell your mom especially since he’s your step dad
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This is how people end up with mental health issues🙄 I can’t believe some of these replies a lot of you should be ashamed of yourself. Speak to your mum directly & tell her if she needs a break she can be 100% honest but you need to hear it from her. It’s not about being jealous of the sister, regardless of how much help your kids need you should always treat them equally! Is your step dad your sisters bio dad by any chance?
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This is awful and you should discuss it with both of your parents and if they still continue to do you wrong…remove yourself from the hurtful situation and stay away and not speak to them…true love don’t push you away
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I had a similar problem years ago when my kids were little. My dad would say cruel things to me like “boy! You sure are hungry!! & don’t you think you should get your teeth fixed?”I believe it was bc I wasn’t welcomed there. I heard my mom & grandma complaining about me & my kids being there. They are my parents and I love and respect them, so I stayed calm and went home and put the kids to bed and prayed about it. I didn’t go over there again for quite a while. It was probably 4 or 5 months & I believe my mom felt bad bc she came over and kept asking me to come to her house & bring the kids, but I always told her I had a few things I needed to do & id come by later. When I did start coming over, it was only about once a month…sometimes less. Just respect them & give them some space. It definitely hurts, but just back off some
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Stay home…you are married and whare ever you house is ,it’s your house…quite ill mannred to visit parents daily actually.
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They probably want to have there quiet alone time and your there all the time with your kids. And why color your hair at there house? That would annoy me. If they are babysitting your sisters kids then they have her kids, your kids and you. They obviously never have quiet time and you should understand that. Take the kids to a park or something, why just move them from house to house. Your board so play with your kids.
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TALK TO YOUR MOM to see if her feelings are mutual too.
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Visiting everyday is rather excessive . Get a hobby, a job, do some diy, visit different people/friends/neighbours. Do some voluntary work.
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Tbh your a grown women getting bored so dossing at your parents daily, you say visiting, but that and daily drop inns are completely different…they want their own space now, can’t blame anyone of that age
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I’d say at least talk to ur mom…
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Talk to your mom !!! guaranteed she didn’t say it the stepdad is the one that probably doesn’t want you there!!
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My daughter only has time for me when her husband is at work, sleeping or otherwise not around or they need a babysitter. If that’s the case here maybe they are the ones that are hurting.
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talk to you mother, I’m sure she did not say that.
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You’ve said it yourself that you and your stepdad have not had a good relationship. I know that if my kids weren’t safe or wanted to come visit, I would be happy to have them everyday. Speak with your mom. Seriously. This sounds like he’s being an asshat and doesn’t want your mom knowing he’s trying to push you out. Also, is your sister his actual kid? That might explain a lot too.
You literally need to grow up.
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Yes 9 times out of 10 when someone says ‘Don’t tell _____ I told you.’ That USUALLY means if you fact check you’ll find out they’re LYING and he doesn’t want you to ask your mom because she won’t know what you’re talking about. Then that will cause friction between them two. If HE wants a break from you, your kids and your sister it’s understandable BUT he needs to say it not use your mom as a cop out. Stop going over there for at least a month and see what happens.
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I’m so sorry I know how much this hurts …my father also said this to me…he told me my mother felt like she was being invaded… obviously he did too… it felt like a punch in the stomach and I never forgot it… I just didn’t go over there as often after that… find some good friends that you can feel comfortable with and just don’t go over anymore… Hugs
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Maybe if you are going over to visit call first and see if it’s ok that they keep and eye on your kids while you color your hair or whatever. She may be overwhelmed with your sister’s kids and doesn’t want to say anything to harm your relationship. Also it could be him that doesn’t want you to come over either way talk to your mother.
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It’s a step. Ask your mom
Maybe make planned visit times. And learn a hobby or make some friends.
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Have talk with your mom he can’t stop you from that and see how she feels maybe she doesn’t even feel like that and step dad is just being a jerk but you need to have a convo with your mom ASAP
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You’re moving, hopefully to a safe place, so concentrate on packing up your house, run lots of errands, take walks in the park or the mall. Suck it up until moving day.
And don’t talk to your mom, jeez. Your going to put her in a tough spot between you, an adult daughter, and her husband. That’s what kids do 
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Your mom may have said something to him during a stressful period. If she is watching your sister’s child it will cause stress and unfortunately for you it seems you are getting the results of her being stressed.
Go away from the house together and ask her first how she is doing? Ask if you coming over is leaving her no time for herself. Be open about what was said to you and what you are feeling. Being straight forward with people especially family will give you more insight.
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