How old are your kids and how many do you have? How old are your sisters kids? Plus talk to your sister an see if he told her the same thing. It might just be a crazy house over there an they would like some alone time but don’t want to be mean. If he did not mention it to ur sister an she’s over there more often then I would confront him in front of your mom an ask them why they did not tell ur sister an make them tell you what the deal is with them not wanting you there an with her is fine.
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Ugh, step dad said not to tell your mom?! That is YOUR mom!! I would ask her very nicely and tell her how hurt you are and if it is true.
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I could have written this awhile back! Only not a step dad… speak up if you have something to say!! You’re not here to please everyone!!
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Truthfully I was waiting for a punch line, smh,
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I mean, I’d give them space. But I’d also say hey mom, I love you. Dad said you needed some space so let me know when is a good time to stop by. I love you & I enjoy going to your house bc it make me feel safe. Have a good day. I’m thinking of you. 
I literally would tell my mom& we have a right relationship but she’s my mom & I’ll tell her whatever I feel/think
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I think the only reasons he doesn’t want you to mention it is because she DOESNT feel that way and he’s trying to cover his ass. I doubt she has ever felt that way. Definitely bring it up.
Don’t rely on second hand information. Speak to your mother about your concerns as it also involves her, not only your step-father. Besides, I’m probably jaded, but I wouldn’t trust a step-parent unless I was close to him/her.
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Tell that bone head you’re Definately going to talk to your mom…
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I will deff bring it up. That’s ur mom she should kno what’s going on
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Sounds like it’s just your dad that don’t want you over there I’d be talking to Mom
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Tell your mom, have communication with her and not the step dad.
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I’m sorry. But I’m the type of person who would come out and ask my mom.
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I’d tell him that I came out of my mom’s vagina (or body if csection) and I’ll tell her if I please. Definitely talk to your mom about it. Sounds like the step-dad is sick of you being over there not her. Send her flowers with a nice note like Samantha said a few above. Then wait until the following day, after delivery, and send a text saying “I hope you got my flowers and card. Have a good day. Love you” that way you know she actually got them also
Definitely speak to your mom. Ask her if you did something. It could really be she is stressed and just needs some alone time but you will not know if you don’t speak to her.
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You’re an adult, respect their boundaries.
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I’d definitely bring it up because what if she didn’t say that and if she did she needs to explain and at least know that it hurt your feelings.
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Maybe he is trying to alienate her and she doesn’t know what he is doing behind her back. I would 1000% ask my mother if that is the case and make sure I have a healthy conversation and ask if she is OK, if we were ok and what brought the conversation about that I shouldn’t come over. Maybe he is just being an asshole.
He is the one who feels that way. Not your Mom. That’s why he said don’t tell your Mom. I would have a heart to heart with your mom, because when has any mom not said what is on their mind to their child ? NOT ONE ! Your step dad is trying to pin it on your mom simply because you can’t tell her about what he said. It sounds like he is trying to put a wedge between you and your Mom. I believe you should talk to her over coffee when he isn’t there. I hope it all works out.
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Ur dad /step Dad could be lying to u about this whole thing
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Tell your Mom. It may just be him being selfish.
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Omg to all the people saying tell your mum, do you ever stop and think the mum is sick of people in her house but doesnt want to hurt their feelings so her husband is being the bad person to give the women he loves some peace…any of you stick your hand up if you have a life of your own and would be ok with someone coming to you house all day everyday to hang out.
I for one would tell my kid i love you but you being uncomfortable in your home is no reason to invade mine all the time
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That’s your step, tell your MOM, for sure, he dont like the attention taken from him, your mom probably loves for you to come over…
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Speak to your mom without his interference
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Tell your mom and have a heart to heart with her. Your step dad could just need a break and she doesn’t feel that way.
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My mum doesn’t let me visit, she doesn’t accept my partner though we still chat/video call, call pretty much daily:) and I’m welcome to go visit her anytime she wants but I haven’t fully accepted tht she won’t accept my partner so I won’t be going to visit her by myself anytime soon unfortunately. We both accept eachothrs choices but still continue to have that way of communication there. Its kinda sad but everything happens for a reason 
and she usually gets me locked yp anyways cus she doesn’t see clear(mental health) what she’s doing so it’s best for me really anyways… but as for anything else were still just as close!(:
I mean, if you don’t live with them or have kids that they watch regularly and you really do just go over there because you are bored… They are allowed to set boundaries.
I know that would drive my mom crazy.
What about your place makes you feel unsafe?
It’s worth talking to your mom.
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You need to talk to your mum.
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If this is your stepdad saying this, I’d definitely bring it up to my mom. She may have no idea he did this and may not feel the same way.
If she does, you have to respect their wishes. Begin to invest more heavily in other relationships in your life to fill that gap. Remember it’s not about you, it’s about them.
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You state you barely ask for help?your grown get a job if your bored going to Moms to dye hair make mess at your own house.you where going to ask them to help you move physical help or monetary help ?you have kids stop leaching off your parents.
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If you speak to her on the phone or something, casually drop it into conversation, your mum may be feeling the same as you and wondering why your not visiting as often as usual. I would assume she is unaware as he has asked you not to say anything
You should definitely talk to your Mom.
Sounds like your a little dependent on them im sure you can move yourself. Take a break after speaking with your mom. You stepdad could be just being mean because he doesnt want to help.
Maybe I’m petty but I wouldn’t go over again until they invite me. If my mom would ask why or something then I would tell her what he said. I’m probably too petty but yeah I wouldn’t go again.
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Bring it up to your Mom.
Sounds like you have a crafty nasty stepdad who wants rid and your poor mum knows nothing about it he probly rules her life dont let him rule yours talk to mum when hes not there bet Ime right it’s not mum its him 
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I would talk to her and say if she didn’t want me over so often she should’ve just talked to me and I would’ve understood. See what she says.
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Why don’t you get a job. This will keep you from getting bored
Tell your mum. My step mum is a bitch and can’t even talk to my Dad any more.
OMG tell your mother because I bet he did this behind her back and I would want to know because that is some shady sh%t!!!
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You can see all the people in these comments who’s children won’t be speaking to them after they turn 18. Yikes
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Speak to your mum, infront of your dad! Get it straight!
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Talk to your mum. If he’s saying not too that sounds sketchy af.
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Are you taking your kids over with you?
Do they look after your sisters kids due to her working. A lots left out of post if honest
But realistically you state you only go because you get bored, mess up there house with hair dye. Makes me wonder what other mess you may leave. By sounds they want a bit of piece and quite.
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Ur mother husband just wants cause Mischief between u an ur mom some stepfathers are HORRIBLE & WICKED AS CAN BE …
I wouldnt even go over there even if ur Mom says u are always welcome, Cause that miserable stepfather would always find some Confusion to make as long as he sees u coming over by ur mom place an his house…
Talk to ur mom she may not feel this way an she maybe unaware her husband told u this …
The main idea he told u dont tell ur mom means she doesnt know anything that he spoke to u this way and
if ur home is unsafe then u need to talk to ur husband to get other alternatives to help u both move even if it means he speaks to his boss or someone else …
The quicker u get a safer home to move to it will be better for u so u wont have to go over at ur stepfather an mom house…
U can stay at your own safe home do up ur chores …
Maybe he’s right? A job or school or friends might help you be less bored
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maybe your mum moans about you being there everyday to him , she may need a break maybe cut it down to 3 days a week with a days break in between each visit
Maybe he’s tired of you? You’re a grown up. You don’t need to be at your parents house everyday. That seems weird to me. I’d get tired of being at my parents house or if the rolls were reversed I’d get sick of them in my house everyday and I’d probably tell them to quit coming over so often. Sorry it hurt your feelings but it’s their house and they’re entitled to some time alone without you there constantly. 
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I don’t see anything wrong with what they’ve asked. I get it’s your parents but they probably want to make plans or just chill on their own, it’s so draining having people in everyday all day. Find a hobby or something. Just because you’ve been asked not to go down everyday doesn’t mean your not welcome. Think if it was the other way round and they were constantly at you, you’d feel like you havent grown up or have no breathing space and the comments would look totally different.
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He’s your step dad not parent.no need to listen to him,talk to your mum about it to see if there’s any truth in it
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Parents are entitled to want some space and time to themselves …
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Your mums home isn’t an amusement park where u go to hang during the week cause ur baordnX they have done with raising you as kids and them asking for a break isn’t rude! Maybe get some friends and a hobby and stop using them as amusement
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He said take a break. He didn’t say never come back. I know it hurt your feelings but just because you’re their daughter, doesn’t mean they want you there every day. I don’t like people in my house constantly either. Even family. You are not the same as grandchildren. So what if they watch your sister’s kids. It’s their grand babies. If they want their grand babies there all the time they can. It’s their house and they are children. You’re a grown bored woman. Get a hobby. And if you really need to, speak to your mom about it.
He didn’t say they don’t want you over at all, just not all the time.
Sounds to me, how you’ve worded it is that you go over there when you’re bored, laze around, mess the house up (why can’t you dye your hair at home… why their house).
Honestly I’d be annoyed if someone came to my house everyday just to chill. Have some consideration for their time, they might want to chill on their own - you sound like a big girl, go get a hobby
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That is your mom.The one person u should be able to always go to.Tell her what he said and how u feel💛
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All the people telling this lady to talk to her mum and tattle on step dad. We dont have enough info for that, and what if step dad is only trying to look out for his exhausted wife? Shes looking after her other kids, kids all the time, her mum probably does need a break. I feel I put on my mum sometimes, as she used to look after my son 2 days a week while I worked, and she worked the other 5 days. Everyone is entitled to some space, maybe daughter should set some healthy boundaries and not be quite so needy. Dye your hair at home, where you clean the mess not your mum. If you feel unsafe at home, look into moving, goto council ect ect do something about it rather then descend on mum all the time. Make your own friends to spend time with aswell, might enjoy your space aswell then x
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Watching a kid and you just being there is a bit different. Are you helping out while you’re there? They’re allowed to not want their grown kids at home all the time.
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You need to hear it from her. If this is what she thinks then look at the situation and see if they have a point. Sometimes it’s hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes sometimes.
If there is no problem then he’s just being a d##k
You should know your mum better than anyone, talk to her, he might be trying to isolate her from her loved ones
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Talk to your mum, you don’t know if this is the truth or not until you’ve heard it from her since you don’t have a good relationship with him. X
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I am a mother and a grandmother. My daughter and granddaughter live with her dad and I. We love it! I can’t imagine telling my child when and if she can be in “her” home. My door will forever be open for my child and grandchild and the stepdad should be ashamed of himself.
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So take a course , get a job . They are entitled to do what they want . He said take a break . Dye your hair in your home . Maybe he thinks you could do more for yourself .
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You need to get a job. That way you will have somewhere to go every day since you’re bored.
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As a mom of adult children. Quit invading their space incessantly. Most parents enjoy the peace of an empty nest after they’ve “retired” from raising humans. A visit is just that… a planned time to see each other for a little while. They sound exhausted.
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Yeah I see my mom for birthdays and holidays, and we try to get together for lunch but life gets in the way sometimes. You need a hobby or something.
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The fact that he said, don’t tell your mom I feel means this is all his idea, not hers. Talk to her anyway to see how she feels. Maybe look into a new hobby to fill up your time from being bored, get a part time job I you don’t already have one, volunteer somewhere…?
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If he’s trying to control what you do, then what is he doing to your mum ? But realistically he could be doing it for the benefit of your mum, or he could be trying to control your mum too. It’s 50,50. But you won’t know for sure until you talk to your mum. He may have a problem with you going there, but your mum may not. Talk to her one to one
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Why is it so bad that she needs a break from her adult daughter while she watches a small child every day. Just give her a break, not that big of a deal
Honestly how I feel. Once I turned 18 my mother said “my job is done with you” I never looked at being a mom as a job, it a privilege and I am honoured to be one, so yeah I’d talk to her about it nor just listen to your step dad.
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I think your bring overtly sensitive. I don’t think your dad meant it the way you took it. I personally dont think you understand because your too young too get it. As people get older, they cant stand having chaos around. They’re patients grows thinner. They need a clam relaxing environment for themselves! Now as far as them watching your sister’s kids: your sister most likely needs them. Does your sister work? When you mix your own kids with your sisters kids, and you, and your sister, that’s a lot!!! My mother explained to me once she helps my sister more because my sister needs her and had to have her. She also said she was more proud of me, because I needed no one. I wonder if maybe you need a job out side the home? I’m truly sorry your feeling are hurt. But I do feel your parents need a break. I also feel you could benefit from some time away from home, like a small part time job. Best wishes dear.
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Tell Mom what he said. I got my step parent tell me I can’t come to my parents house
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My parents don't want me visiting their house, what should I do?
Whether it is your step dad being a dick or not its also his house and has every right to say he wants a break from you coming around. If you want to not be in your house then meet for a walk or something not just sit at their house.
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Its his house too, so I’d respect what he’s asking. You’ve clearly over stayed your welcome and they or he just doesn’t want you there as much as you are. Ask your mother out for coffee if you wish to see her or go for a walk with her.
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It sounds like your step dad has the problem! Especially him telling you not to say anything to your mum. I’d call him out on it and if your mum is feeling that way then she will say something
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I bet your mum never even said that. If she felt that way, she probably would have sat and told you herself that she needs a bit of space. I’d find a way to bring it up without it being like you ‘told’. Something like ‘feels so strange only coming over 2 times a week now, I’m used to seeing you everyday’ if she says why aren’t you coming over everyday anymore then you can say ‘stepdad told me you wanted me to tone down visits because you needed some space’ you’ll know from what she says back to you if she said it or not then x
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Yea. Speak to your mum. Sounds like the step dad doesn’t want you there all the time if he’s said don’t say anything to your mum
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If he asked you not to tell your mom he said anything, it’s either because it was a private conversation they had in confidence that she didn’t want shared to you, or because he made it up and doesn’t want her to know he lied and threw her under the bus. Either way it doesn’t sound like this situation is what your mom wanted. If she does feel that way and didn’t want to say anything to you it’s probably because she needed to vent but didn’t want you to feel hurt and like you couldn’t visit AT ALL. If she doesn’t feel that way at all and it was fabricated by step dad because of how he feels, then she’s probably hurt too wondering why suddenly you stopped visiting. Either way it sounds like a conversation that needs to be had between the two of you so that neither of you are hurting because of some third party conversation and second guessing where you stand.
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Be up front and ask you Mum? Tell her I was by step dad to come here because you need a break.
Ask your mum! Sounds like step “dad” has the problem not her.
Keep turning up until she tells you herself, if you need support your mum will put you first if it is the truth but sounds like the step dad has made it up because he doesn’t want you there x
Just ask your mum?
If she says yes, she wanted some down time, that’s actually fine. Because you are an adult and they are entitled to tell you when they need to establish some boundaries.
But you might also find it’s just your stepdad being a dick.
Never know if you don’t ask.
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Dont let anyone tell you you can’t visit your .mom x
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Ask your Mum about it.
Talk to your mum .
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My parents don't want me visiting their house, what should I do?
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She maybe really just needs a break and is to worried to tell you.
You have overstayed your welcome, take a break. It won’t be forever.
I wouldn’t bring it up right now, bc she has the right to need space and not feel guilty about it. Maybe in a few months, or even if she calls u up to ask where u have been you can bring it up. Right now, give the people what they are asking for
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There was a brief period in time (about a year) when my son was about a year old, I would go to my dad’s house every Friday and spend the afternoon with my young brothers and my dad’s wife and have dinner with my dad. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed going over there. Then they both started acting weird and making me uncomfortable so I said something and my dad said my coming over was “too much” for them, that my son was “too much”, so I stopped and after lots of years of trying to have a relationship with them, we have not been actively a part of each others lives for a very long time. It’s sad and I don’t like it but if they don’t want you around, just don’t go. Don’t put yourself in a position to be hurt. And know your worth is not measured by them.
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Don’t go for several days. If your mom misses you and calls up to check, you can tell her the truth. If she barely notices, you know what she wants . Either way, your mom also gets to decide how much she wants you in her life
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I know how I am with my mama…. And if she didn’t want me to come over or she was upset with me she would say so… you need to talk to your mom! Especially if he says don’t say something to your mom! Sounds more like him being the one not wanting you there. But if you talk to her at least you will know the truth.
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Respect it. Maybe they would like some time to themselves.
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I would talk to your mom but don’t come at it as a your husband said cause she may have said things to him out of confidence and he was only trying to help by asking you to take a break
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Maybe back down to a few or even one day a week…see if you notice your mom acting more relaxed or if you notice her asking why there has been a change…
Give it sometime to see how things shape up
I love my children but it wouldn’t be an ideal situation if my kids were at my house several days of the week for long periods of time.
Moms have things they want and need to do…its just a thought
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I don’t mean to sound cold but your parents need their time. I think it’s not a bad thing your dad wants to have your mom to himself. We’ve raised our ADULT kids to be independent but they also know If they need us they know we were there for them at a seconds notice. Our kids are very important to us but so is OUR marriage.
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You should talk to your mom. If you never had a good relationship with your step dad - and he told you not to tell your mom he said that - it may only be something he wants and not her. I wouldn’t abuse going to your parents house or asking for sitters or help with things - but as a parent of 3 and a grandmother of 1 - it’s just what you do for your kids. You help when and where you can and you always welcome them into your home. Your mom might not agree with what your step dad said so I would talk to her. I would want my daughter to tell me if something was said to her - especially if it involved me - if she was hurt by it.
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If I was at my parents all day every day with my kids they would definitely want a break as would I! But I would definitely talk to your mother
… maybe check on her ask if everything is ok then proceed to tell her you was asked not to come over that you would respect the wishes but that it was just hurtful and ask for a explanation. That way you can see what may be the problem and go over less and maybe for less time so it could be enjoyed more. My parents enjoy when I come over but it isn’t much. Good luck 
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Yeah I’d talk to your Mom. Try not to make it about you (that you are hurt by her not wanting you over as much). Sometimes parents need a lil time. Is it a chore when you go over there ie: is she cooking for you, caring for your kids, having to do extra housework to clean up after you leave etc??? If so maybe in the future make sure you aren’t making a lot of extra work for her?
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Talk to your mom. I could understand if it was a daily occurrence and they may have other plans, but it’s only once or twice a week it shouldn’t be an issue.
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When you are there are you helpful? Do you help cook, clean, serve yourself, etc.? Or are you another guest they need to provide hospitality too? After I had my first child, there was a really good family friend that would come over since she knew I was home (maternity leave). She’d talk and talk and I couldn’t get anything done or get any rest. Fortunately, she got the message and stopped coming over.
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As an adult child, I understand your hurt. As the mother of a daughter, I don’t care who I’m married to, my babies (grown or not) are welcome to come over.
Talk to your mom. Maybe it’s an easy fix.
If you feel unsafe and you’re already moving, you’re already making changes in the right direction.
Has your mom given you any indication that you come over too often? Some mothers and daughters are very close and visiting is no big deal.
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I’d find out if mom really said that. If she did then I’d disappear. I don’t care who they are, if they don’t want me around I’m out!
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