Everyone talking about wanting space and not liking people coming over uninvited all the time clearly don’t read too well she said she was over twice that week and not once did she say she went over uninvited its not like there isn’t such thing as a mobile phone and no one here knows if she texted or called her mom or not and regardless of that fact that man is her step father it is not up to him how often his partners children come to see their mother he needs to butt out or get out honestly if that was my hubby he’d be long gone
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As a mother I will never tell my daughter not to come over. She’s my daughter.
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That’s so sad and I’m so sorry that happened to you. If it’s bothering you you need to sit down and have a conversation with them both. If that’s how they truly feel then that’s just awful. Family don’t treat family like that. Sending good vibes your way girl…here if you need someone to talk to 
Talk to your mom! Don’t take that second hand from your step dad. And if she really is feeling that way then the 2 of you can talk about it. Not in whispers behind her back.
I wouldn’t want my parents at my house twice a week, so I get it. It isn’t anything personal. I just find regular company exhausting and like my space. We can talk on the phone daily though.
My kids know my house is always open for them…and If they want to see mom and dad in their bday suits feel free to come on over unannounced. 
Works like a charm!
Sometimes we as parents do need a break even from grown adult children. I myself sometimes kick my best friend out my house when I had enough company…maybe they need time alone idk. This is a touchy subject I think. My mom was married twice all her husband’s hated me and so did any of her boyfriends disliked me. My mom would tell me to come over do laundry if needed come eat dinner with us etc. Then she would (i think) tell them what she invited me to do and then (I think) they would reply well if it is an issue then dont allow her to do so. So then she (mom) would tell me they had the problem with me etc… my mom had mental health issues. It never made sense to me in my younger years. I finally caught onto it when she would cause issues between me and my sister. Best of luck
I would try to find a way to more independent, maybe your dad has romantic plans and doesn’t want to be obvious.
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My mom passed away and my step dad totally forgot about my kids and I a bit after that barley talks to us my mom would have been furious if he kept the kids away or tried to push us out ,I’d definitely talk to your mom u came first before your step dad u should always be first to her for everything it could just be him I always felt my step dad just delt with my kids for my mom !
Ask your mom! Him telling you not to say anything to your mom makes me think it’s him who feels that way and not her.
I was adopted at age 3. For 56 years my mother has told me, " if it wasn’t for you dad wanting you I wouldn’t have adopted you"… You see she only wanted my brother, a son not a daughter. That scar is still painful today. Our relationship has never been good. My daddy was my rock, my very best friend. I finally told her I was no longer going to be her verbal punching bad, for her to live her live or what’s left and I would live my own. My son and his family needs me more than her at this point and I walked away.
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I would tell my mom … when someone says don’t tell so & so … there’s usually a reason for the secret 
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Maybe they’d just like some alone time. Could be trying to spice up their love life. He didn’t say not to come over. Or ask for help. I mean shit do u and ur man ever want time alone. Do u not enjoy peace and quite time by yourself ?
I understand that you don’t feel safe in your home and you want to be able to go to your parents house to pass the time, but maybe they feel like they are literally there as a time waster until your husband gets home from work. Like ‘I have nothing better to do so I’ll come see you.’ Why not fill your time with something more constructive? Hang out with a friend instead? Are you able to get a job, even part time?
You mention that you’ve ‘only been there twice this week’, but it’s only Wednesday, so that means that out of 3 days you spent 2 of them at your parents house. They likely just want to enjoy their time as empty nesters and not ‘have to’ worry about visitors each day and enjoy time alone together.
I’m sorry that you’re going through stuff, but as an adult, it isn’t your parents’ responsibility to fill your day with activities or company just because you have nothing else to do. I definitely would recommend finding an outlet and maybe just visit once a week or something, maybe invite them for lunch or something if you want to spend time with them.
Good luck
Quit going…when your mom notices she’ll ask him if he said something…then she’ll ask you why …TELL HER WHAT HE SAID…no one needs that kind of negativity. Tell your mom she can come to your place whenever… she’ll always be welcome.
You should have a conversation with your mom and listen more than you speak.
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I would definitely speak to your mom it’s obvious he made that decision without speaking to her. But be prepared for it to go south real quick.
My opinion is if he’s a stepdad get mom alone and tell her exactly how he told you. Its not that he told you but that he said not to tell your mom. Talk to her and ask her if that’s how she feels.
I would do ANYTHING for my 2 adult kids and 7 grandkids to be close enough to pop in all the time… I miss them all so much it hurts 
Speak to your mum … he’s asked you not to say anything because he knows it’s unfair under the circumstances of how you feel at home and knows your mum will put him in his place … your mum probably loves you being there and he maybe feels when he’s home from work and your there they need some alone time maybe? I’d suggest bring it up to your mum and explain could you all maybe sit down and arrange times and days to suit for everyone xx no dad should come between a mother and child regardless of age 
Just speak to ya mum tell her what he said. Don’t beat about the bush, if she wants the same then dont go as often xx
I would ask your mom if it bothered her you coming over cause since he said don’t tell your mom that sounds suspicious like it bothers him but not her
I’d tell my mum if she was a live it’s like he doesn’t want you around not your mum pull him up infront of her say oh by the way did he tell you what he said to me? Whats did he say? Oh just me an you shouldn’t see each other often
Ask your Mom if you can take her to lunch. And talk with her. Ask her how she’s doing, maybe she’s overwhelmed and not saying anything. Is your sister step dad’s daughter? Maybe ask her if he’s spoken with her too. He could be concerned or because he said not to say anything, he could be being controlling. Talk to your Mom, clear the air:+1:t3:
My daughter is at my house everyday with the kids, even sleeps here some nights when she works overtime… I can’t imagine them not being here
I would deffinately talk to my mom about this has there ever been any hard feelings between you and your step dad
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As a mother, I wish my daughter come hang out with me even just once a week!
My grandson lives 3 minutes away comes we play we eat, go in pool and I wave by . Sleeps over 1 ,2 a month he’s 7.
My older two live 2 hrs away we face time.
But I love my alone time. I talk to my daughters via FaceTime 3-4 times a day. My son with the other grandkids has his wife and mother in law to keep him busy.
How old is your dad? Maybe he looks For alone time too .
Do you go every day ?
I use to have everyone at my house everyday before I moved and my one daughter and hubby relocated too.
But my door is open to them to just come by. I miss them all here but it’s hard.
Please just speak with your mom I went thru something similar with my mom and step dad and as a mother PLEASE just speak with her
I would completely tell my mother what was said and make sure that’s what she wants and not just the step dad wanting you to stay away
Talk to your mom, I am 99.99 percent sure he is jealous of the time that you two spend together. And 100% sure she doesn’t know he told you that. She’s probably wondering what’s going on, she might feel just as sad.
I would talk to my mom. Saying not to tell someone else seems odd if the other person is in agreement on the topic.
Because he asked you not to tell, AND he’s step dad, I’d ask your mom. But just you and her out at lunch or something. Casually bring it up. I can’t believe a mom would actually say that! …
I don’t care how old my daughter gets. My door is always open.
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Talk to your mom 100%
I’d bet money she doesn’t feel the same. You did mention “step” parent & I’m sure that has everything to do with why he said it.
If you stop coming around it will be a chance for step dad to talk about you badly and comfort mom when she’s upset her kid isn’t coming around.
I get on my parents nerves also but that won’t stop me from going to they’re house !! They created this monster 
Sit with both your parents and talk, bring up what he said to your mum and ask if you can talk about how everyone feels 
dont get worked up to the point you cant find or see solutions
Currently going through something similar 
moms husband has always tried to push us apart and its working. He didn’t allow me to come over and see my siblings for over 2yrs and even now 6yrs later its the same thing. He gets super angry if she hangs out or goes places with me.
Wow as a mother of 4 I can’t ever imagine saying such a thing. Want to see my kids as often as I can
Talk to your mom! She deserves to know. Plus that could be his perception not hers.
I’d definitely have to say something to my mom if I was In your shoes I dunno about your mom but most don’t have an issue saying what’s on their mind to anyone let alone their own child feelings or not is she wants you around then that’s between you and her and nobody else
You should talk to your mom and just ask her, when is good times for me to come over and visit? Maybe there is certain days a week its easier to have company over than others 
also do you make sure to contribute when your there? I know I want to spend tons of times with my grandkids and will take care of every need they have while they are visiting in my care one day when I’m a grandma but I dunno how I would feel if my kids came all week and didn’t help out or pay attention to their own kids and care for the majority of their needs when they were with them in my home 
like if your going over there and putting all the work on your parents numerous days a week, maybe they are just getting burnt out and its ok for them to need a little space too or time together, and maybe your step dad is just being an ass and thats why he told you not to talk to your mom about it 
Could be as simple as mom wont get her freak on with children popping in whenever, sure could put a crimp in step dads nookie time
Stop going and see if mom call to find out why. If she does not call she may have sent him to give the message. You probably don’t help out in the house people don’t want à everyday Guest. I love when my children stop by because they have to check to see if we are home.
He is a control freak. He does not tell you when you can visit and when you cant. How dare he? If he does that to you , God knows what he does to your mum. I think bring it up to your mum. Just say it how it is . It’s better if it comes from you instead of him. He might even twist it to the reason , that he can say u stopped coming for no reason. Then your mum will think u dont want to turn up.
Honestly if he is your step dad and you don’t have a good relationship, I would talk to mom, to see if what he said is true
The step dad said it. She’s your mom, you talk to her. Reading these comments, I’m sure I’ll get crap, but my kids come first. If my daughter or son needed me, the rest of the world can go twist in the wind. I would communicate with mom, and get a firm understanding where your relationship stands. Hugs
A lot of y’all are saying stuff like “as a mother I would never say that to my child…” etc. are weird to me. The number one thing that we’ve learned about being mothers is that we have our OWN way of doing things and to give each other grace…not tell this woman that her mom is wrong for feeling the way she feels. Cuz as a 30 something year old married mother of two, I would NEVER ask my 50 year old parents to help me and my family move🥴 My husband better call his friends and coworkers before I ask my mother to lift something! We don’t know the full story obviously, but i can sense some of the dynamic by just that there. Sometimes mothers aren’t confrontational, and we let our kids take advantage of us. So YES sometimes I hear MY husband telling the kids, leave your mother alone, she needs a BREAK! Do I tell my kids that? No…I stuck it up and do it but does that mean I don’t need a break?? No it doesn’t mean that either! “I barely ask for anything or help….” But you feel unsafe at your current home and you ask your parents to come over a few times a week because you feel as if “they aren’t busy/doing anything…” If that doesn’t ring a bell with any of y’all, idk what will. You DO ask for stuff hunnie…even if it’s you going over to your parents house to dye and wash your hair, that’s still something that you should feel grateful to have. Are you leaving dye all over the place? Are you cleaning up after yourself? Is your sister a single mom and needs the extra help? Does she have an A**hole of a husband that won’t keep the kids so they feel bad? There’s so many missing parts that we honestly can’t even judge your parents right now for this. But what I CAN tell you is that if you feel entitled to go over your parents house whenever you feel like it and will ask your 50+ year old parents to help you move, maybe a little more appreciation and gratitude would change their views on that moving forward. The fact tat you said that you go to your parents house because you feel “bored” or “unsafe” instead of “I go to my parents house to SPEND TIME WITH THEM because I love their company and I know they are getting older and life’s too short…” tells me even more about the situation. Read between the lines people🥴
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I would bring it up to your mom…, does not sound right
Say something to your mom especially since he said not to tell her. Sounds fishy. I would never ever turn my kids away from coming over ever.
Sounds like he was trying to set some boundaries but went about it in an asshole way. I’d talk to your mom about it and see if they had talked about it. Maybe there’s a reason for it and it might help for someone else to talk and explain it. I agree that as parents it’s a life long relationship. I couldn’t imagine not wanting to spend time with my children and grandchildren and there might be other things going on that you’re not aware of.
You bring it up to your mom in a nice way. He could be making the whole thing up. You need to speak up and talk like 2 grown woman.
Id stay away for a while see if your mom reaches out to you if she does tell her you were told not to come over, if you do still go msybe just pop in for a cuppa and a chat for an hour rather tgan spending the whole day there, have your mom come to yours or go out together x
I find it strange he said don’t tell your mother. He wouldn’t be the first step dad to not be welcoming to the adult children of the woman he’s married to. If you and your mom are close, only you would know if what he’s claiming is true.
Myself, I know my mother wouldn’t say something like that so I definitely bring it to her attention. Maybe approach it like, dad told me this and I just wanted you to know you never have to be worried about talking to me about something like that, I can give you more space. Then you’re not attacking or blaming.
The best thing you can do for yourself is learn how to capitalize.
I think she SHOULDN’T speak to her mother. Hold off and see how long it takes her to message or call. When she asks why you haven’t reached out, tell her.
I’d talk this over with your Mom, saying don’t say anything to your Mom to me means she didn’t say it. Best of luck!
And they wonder why they end up in retirement homes ….
……don’t go uninvited always ask, tell mom, perhaps your annoying him and not her…… sisters kids are there not her that’s different.
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U better tell ur mom. I don’t care what age my kids are, they will always b welcome in my home and I will always want them around me!
I would most definitely talk to mom. To hell with the step dad, that is her MOTHER
I’d be devastated! I’m so stubborn n take things to heart that I’d tell my mom but I’d never feel
Welcomed after that
Red flag is he said not to tell your mom … I’d talk to her sometimes parents need a break even from adult kids maybe she just needs a few days
I would ask your mom. Maybe she doesn’t feel that way. That’s why he said not to tell her
She’s your mom, you’re both adults, communication is key in any relationship….talk to her about it.
Call a family meeting and discuss boundaries. Maybe there could be a way it’ll work for all parties. Of course they raised their kids and might want alone time, but home will always be home. I wouldn’t call him out because that could start unneeded stress and arguments. Maybe mom or step dad are sick and they don’t want to upset you. It could be many reasons so before you target and make assumptions go out to dinner together as a family and discuss days or times that could work for everyone.
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I think you need to bring it up to your mom. Your step-dad has no right to say anything for your mother. Sounds like a narcissist.
Join a mom’s day out club or find friends or a hobby…buy a gun to protect yourself if you have a crap neighborhood…it’s not your parents job to house you for any reason now that you are an adult lol…
As a mom my boys are always welcome in our family home. I would speak to the mom because something is definitely off here.
You said you’re over there often bc “you’re bored”…then get a hobby! Or a job? Regardless of who they are, they’re entitled to have some space, some alone time. I think the step dad was very respectful in asking for a break. He didn’t want to be rude but it’s necessary to speak up so things don’t fester and then turn into a real issue in their marriage simply because there wasn’t honest communication about it.
I would talk to your mom about this. Maybe something happened you don’t know about or she’s upset about something. I would be devastated if this was me. I go to my parents all the dang time
To be honest I can’t blame them . They’ve done their time and now it’s yours. I plan to be completely selfish when my time comes to be a grandma. I’ll be there of course but I’m not trying to have kids running around making mess constantly. It’s the beauty of being a grandparent .
I would tell your mom that although you enjoy her company, your step dad has mentioned you should give it a break. Ask her to let you know when she would like for you to come back. He’s hiding this because he knows your mother won’t approve. Call him out on it.
I’d talk to her about it especially since he told you not to. I’m guessing she has no idea he said that!
Youre an adult now… forget keeping secrets any more cuz your step dad wants you too. Thats your mom. Its dont have a damn thing to do with your sister and what they have done for her. Your step dad is pushing his authority over you as if you were still a child under his roof. Tell your mom. And dont back down to your step dad. And yes it will cause an argument between you and him … but it sounds like hes pushed you too far. And has for a long time. Its been a long time coming it sounds like to me. Yes tell your family and your Mom. She was your mom first… then his wife. Hes really nothing to you. Just a man your mom married you owe him nothing… think about this as an adult.
My mom would have to suck it up cuz there’s no way that I would just stop going over.
Fuck them. Go out and do things you like. For instance if I had time I would of love to get back to the gym and work out, or if I had the energy I would go hiking, grab coffee with friends then go get a a pedicure, hit the spa and just relax…
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I would be asking my mom herself because the fact that your dad said not to tell her he said that makes me think it’s HIM with the problem. Not her. I most certainly would ask her about it.
Meet with your mom at a neutral place and tell her why your StepFather said to you then do as she is wishes 
Maybe they need privacy, rest. Having company over all the time might be too much.
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I think it’s a red flag that he told you not to tell your mom?
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She may be going threw something that has nothing to do with you but just needs space and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
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I’d contact your mum and be like “Hey Mum, I just wanted to say how much I appreciate being able to spend time at your place. I didn’t realise I had made you uncomfortable, that’s the last thing I’d want. I’ll respect your space, give me a call when you’d like to see us again”.
If you get a message back saying what the hell are you talking about you’ll know pretty quick
What if you were intruding in their intimacy? Just because they are older, I’m sure they still would like some alone time…
It’s should be discussed as a family your mom has the right to know that he said because who knows what’s real and what’s not. When family communicate everyone involved should be a part of the conversation. Honest up front when it’s said behind your back it will only allow for more back stabbing. I’m sorry I know how painful that is…
It’s their space. If it were turned around you would hope they would respect your boundaries and not come over unless invited. If your place doesn’t make you feel safe, you need to look at other living options, not just expect that you can break other people’s boundaries cause you don’t like your circumstance.
Try other options as well like: local parks, libraries, moms meetups etc.
Talk to your mom. Husbands are sometimes jealous of their own children taking time away from him
It’s likely that she doesn’t know. For all you know, she may be happy to have you visit. Talk to her and find out her feelings. Who cares if he gets upset that you mentioned it to her?
Hopefully there’s a kind compromise
Don’t go over for a week or call just let her have some space.
If she didn’t say that she’ll call you and ask where you been and you can tell her.
Y’all are saying talk to the mom but is it just as equally the dads house.
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I guess I must be spoiled then or privileged asf. My dad and step mom love it when me and my bf come over three times a week or so. Unannounced! Even if we show up during dinner time my dad insists on feeding us even if it’s fast food they eating or we help ourselves to the fridge. Our family is super close. We even go over there for adults only game night fridays and saturdays.
That’s heart breaking I can’t imagine my parents asking me not to come over. I literally used to go to my parents house everyday when I lived in the same state and I’m in my 30s
I’d talk to your mom. It sounds like he’s trying to isolate her from you.
Do u bring your kids over too? Maybe they’re feeling like they watch them a lot while you relax and they’re tired & don’t know how else to communicate it.
Are you helpful when u go over or do you lay around?
If you feel unsafe in your home, you and your husband need to work that out since you’re both adults. It’s not your parents responsibility.
Idk your family’s business though so it’s just my 2 cents lol
Your mother absolutely needs to know what he said.
Ask your mom about it because in all honesty it might be your dad saying it and your mom is absolutely unaware of the things being said.
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Dye your hair at your own house… I bet you have grown up and moved out and still manage to keep destroying your parents things.
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Your parents want alone time. Nothing wrong with that.
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Personally… either gain clarification from your mother. Is thus really hiw SHE feels?! Or, move the fuck on and cut them all out of your life. It seems either there’s toxicity going on… or a clear miscommunication with you and your mother. And your step dad just continues to drive a wege between you 2.
If your mother allows that. Then really… there’s only so much to do. Otherwise… speak on it!!!
Grow up…your grown woman, let them enjoy their life, privacy
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Every day seems a little much?
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