My Partner Has Forced Me Into a SAHM Role, But Still Barely Provides Financially: Advice?

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QUESTION:

"Does your significant other (SO) provide entirely for your household? Like bills, groceries, extras? Does he give you any money for yourself and or does he save so that you can get things if you need them?

I am currently a SAHM (not by choice). Although I love my kids, I was making great money working. But bc my husband had a bad childhood experience in daycare, he refuses to let the kids go, and I had to be the one to sacrifice everything.

It wouldn’t be so bad, but we never have any money because he never saves, and when I offered to take care of the finances, he argues with me bc it’s ‘his money.’ I have to wait around for financial aid, or extra money that I bring in from school to ever get my hair done, any extra clothes, or even get out of this house (which is also always an argument).

I never have anything I need (or want, really) and find myself calling my mother (I’m a grown adult) to borrow money. I am getting really tired of it, but my SO won’t even discuss the idea of me going back to work. So my real question is, am I being selfish? is this normal SAHM stuff? Or does your SO provide the essentials and still have some leftover?"

RELATED QUESTION: Stay-At-Home-Moms: How Do You Make It Work on One Income?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“That’s not normal. I’m a stay home mom. He provides for us but his money is our money. If I were in your situation, I’d probably be out. Moms need things too. If he’s gonna deny you getting a job then he needs to let you have some money. Red flags flying high on that one.”

“Go put the kids in daycare and go back to work. If he wants to stay home with them then fine.”

“Go back to work. He’s your husband, not your boss! If he can’t even provide your basic needs that’s a problem. Find a good daycare and enroll the kids. Even better find a home daycare with fewer children and someone you trust. Or hire someone to watch your kids in your home! Do what works for you. Staying home with your kids can be great but it also leaves you with nothing if for some reason the marriage would end.”

“Sounds extremely controlling (making decisions regarding kids, money, working without your say). Put your foot down. If he’s willing to listen, great. If not, leave.”

“I’m a SAHM, have been from the very beginning, and my husband brings in all the money. He calls it our money, and he makes sure I have “me time” whenever I need it. I recently told him I hated my hair color, and he encouraged me to go get it done! By him calling it “his” money, seems unfair and possibly controlling. They’re his kids too. And you deserve a treat! Being a SAHM is a lot of work!!!”

“I think it’s time to start giving your husband a time card with a list and charge for everything you do. If he doesn’t want to share the home’s money then he needs to be paying you since he is the main one that wants you to stay home.”

“You should be able to say I would like to get my hair done or I need a new shirt then you both sit down and see where the money for that item can come from. He sounds controlling and it’s sad when men think just because they work you should not have any money.”

“I would tell him that you are going back to work, whether he likes it or not. If daycare isn’t an option, then he can either stay at home OR he can hire a babysitter. He forces you to stay home, that is Y’ALL’S money, whether he likes it or not.”

“Kids would be in daycare and I would be back at work. If he doesn’t like it we could discuss separation and the courts could/would make him pay to help with household support. He sounds like he thinks this marriage and parenting relationship is all about her. Time to put your foot down, mom.”

“I’m a SAHM and my husband makes sure I have everything I want that’s within reason and if we have the money for it. He even puts my own wants before his own. Tell him he either gives you money or you’re going back to work. That’s not fair to you. Do you really want to spend the next couple of years like that? It’s not fair you have to pay for his bad childhood experience.”

Have a response to this question? Leave it below to help a mama out! Or leave your own question and get responses from real moms!

READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

135 Likes
2

I’m a SAHM his money is my money :woman_shrugging:t4: sorry but that’s toxic and controlling behavior time for a talk and you guys reach some type of agreement or one of you needs to leave

17 Likes
3

Leave him. Hes treating you like a child. You’re not his property, if you are married, you are his equal.

5 Likes
4

You should be able to say I would like to get my hair done or I need a new shirt then you both sit down and see where the money for that item can come from. He sounds controlling and it’s sad when men think just because they work you should not have any money

8 Likes
5

You already know it’s wrong by asking the questions. Do something about it

9 Likes
6

I’d go back to work. If it’s not gonna be your money together then I’d be mad too. I was a stay at home mom too but got sick of the “what you doing with that money I gave you? $100 ok?” Meanwhile he would work in a different town for two weeks and I’d be home for two weeks so I got a job. Now I have my own money.

7

It is NOT his money! It is the family’s money… So, take what you need and/or want. Just make sure the bills are paid!

3 Likes
8

You are not being selfish- it sounds like he is the one being selfish and incredibly controlling. He has no right to make such major decisions on his own.

4 Likes
9

Honey that isn’t normal at all…

6 Likes
10

Sounds like a conversation that should have happened before kids. That being said, I stay home and would never ask my husband for money. It’s our money and I am able to spend as I please.

1 Like
11

I’m a SAHM and my husband makes sure I have everything I want that’s within reason and if we have the money for it . He even puts my own wants before his own. Tell him he ether gives you money or you’re going back to work . That’s not fair to you . Do you really want to spend the next couple of years like that? It’s not fair you have to pay for his bad childhood experience.

6 Likes
12

His money is OUR money. I am currently staying home and taking care of the home and the finances. He usually has $20-40 in his pocket but the rest of the income I take care of. I make sure the Bill’s are paid and there is food on the table. When he took care of the finances we were in the hole. Now 6 months later, we have all bills caught up and some money in savings. It should be about sharing responsibilities and things. Not just one for one or you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

1 Like
13

I am a SAHM once we had our daughter. We were in a spot financially where I could leave my job. After that I closed my bank account transfered everything to his. And now we have a joint account and each have a card. As long as it fits in our budget he doesn’t care what I do or buy and same for him.

14

Kids would be in daycare and I would be back at work. If he doesn’t like it we could discuss separation and the courts could/would make him pay to help with household support. He sounds like he thinks this marriage and parenting relationship is all about her. Time to put your foot down mom

7 Likes
15

I’m currently a SAHM, but I’m also getting unemployment and planning on going back to work after unemployment ends. I’m not married, but my boyfriend and I do split the bills. I pay the rent and electric, he pays the internet and phone bill, and we both pay for groceries. Not the same as your situation, but even if I wasn’t making money, my boyfriend would still view his money as our money. We save our money for our son and for fun things we want to do. Your husband sounds controlling and that’s not right. We both sit down and put aside money for the essentials, like rent, food, baby stuff, etc. and then whatever is left over we split to put in a bank account for later and we have money aside for things he wants or I want or we both want. That’s how a relationship should be.

16

He is controlling everything you do * smh * unless you can live with that , I’d either sit down and & try and work it out or figure a way out. You may love him and vice versa but you don’t try and manipulate/control someone you say you love

4 Likes
17

Sadly that seems to be how it goes.

1 Like
18

This is financial abuse

5 Likes
19

I’m a SAHM and honestly I get most of his paycheck. He keeps very little and will ask me for money if he needs it.

1 Like
20

I’m a sahm and my husband reminds me that it is our money. What your husband is doing to you is not normal and sounds like gaslighting. I get not wanting to send them to daycare… maybe you could try finding someone to come to your house to watch them so you could go back to work.

6 Likes
21

If I told my husband I needed or wanted something his response (if its in the budget) is "go on Amazon and send me the link (his account has prime and we can never remember his login lmao) or “put it on the grocery list”. Your husband sounds like a jerk if im being honest. My husband tried that “my money” crap with me once and I went on a personal protest. Refused to buy myself anything extra, refused to touch my debit card, refused to purchase anything which left him with all the shopping, and told him “im not buying anything because its not my money, remember?” Every single time he asked. Yes it was petty but it taught him how detrimental those phrases are, and he apologized multiple times. It wasn’t the smart move but my husband has ocd so habits die hard with him and sometimes you have to get creative.

4 Likes
22

Financial control from a Narcissist

7 Likes
23

Controlling. I’d put the kids in daycare at get back to work.

5 Likes
24

I think he’s being selfish. He needs to move on from his childhood trauma and let his kids experience their own lives. If you want to work you go to work. He’s controlling you and nothing good will ever come from that. You deserve Better .

2 Likes
25

I’d find a baby sitter and get the damn job anyways

Sounds over controlling

See my man is controlling but I dont let him cage me like a dog :confused: not judging just saying

26

no honey, this is not okay! as a married couple, everything should be 50/50. not saying he needs to give you everything he makes but you should have a debit card to his bank account, especially if he is not saving anything. you need to have a serious talk with him or go back to work and make money so you can have what you want and need. being a stay at home mom is not easy and you NEED to have money for your wellbeing and your sanity.

3 Likes
27

That sounds like controlling bs.

2 Likes
28

He’s selfish. He either gives you money for you to spend as you wish, he can’t refuse you to go to work to get your own it’s controlling. Times have also changed since he’s been to daycare he could be involved in helping to find suitable child care. So you can have your independence too.

29

My husband makes sure we have extra and makes sure we are all taken care of. This sounds like financial abuse.

5 Likes
30

Oh…my ex did this to me. And the kids were all biologically his not mine. I left. I came back because I loved the kids for a few years and then left for good but second time around i had stolen his sports car (legally) and made sure i had a job. Then forced him and his witch of a mother to work around my schedule not the way it had been. When they started acting like what I needed was not important i used my last student loan check and left for good. If he’s the sole provider because HE had an issue in childcare, he needs to reevaluate what you are allowing him to do and he better come up off the money. You’re a family. Not the maid and not the only parent. And you have needs that should be met. Without an argument.

34 Likes
31

Okay if he’s the one saying you can’t go back to work to focus on the kids, he needs to realize he’s also providing for you. I’m not one to go get my hair done or nails done but he gets me what I need and want within reason.

2 Likes
32

Go put the kids in daycare and go back to work. If he wants to stay home with them then fine.

19 Likes
33

His money is your money mama

34

Sounds extremely controlling (making decisions regarding kids, money, working without your say). Put your foot down. If he’s willing to listen, great. If not, leave.

11 Likes
35

Go back to work. He’s your husband not your boss! If he can’t even provide your basic needs that’s a problem. Find a good daycare and enroll the kids. Even better find a home daycare with less children and someone you trust. Or hire someone to watch your kids in your home! Do what works for you. Staying home with your kids can be great but it also leaves you with nothing if for some reason the marriage would end.

11 Likes
36

That’s not normal. I’m a stay home mom. He provides for us but his money is our money. If I were in your situation, I’d probably be out. Moms need things too. If he’s gonna deny you getting a job then he needs to let you have some money. Red flags flying high on that one

38 Likes
37

My husband never treated me that way. He is not the king of your house. You are an adult and an equal parent to your children.

38

I’m so sorry for your troubles. In my eyes this is obsurd. My husband brings home the money, I am a SAHM and I have access to all of our money 24/7 as does he. I actually handle the finances as it takes a burden off his shoulders (we own our own business) but at no time should you ever (in my opinion) have to ask for money or go without. There seems to be a communication/understanding issue as he is not hearing your problems nor are you guys on the same page with finances which can lead to a huge problem. Its not his money it is your money. You guys are a partnership no matter who gets the physical paycheck. I hope and pray that you two can sit down, talk out the finances, be open with every aspect of it, and reach an agreement on how to spend, save, have access to money when needed. Best of luck.

2 Likes
39

This is a form of control. It’s not. Healthy way of life. I’m sorry your going thru this. You only get one life. Make sure it’s a happy one. Your not the selfish one here. It’s him.

5 Likes
40

I would tell him that you are going back to work, whether he likes it or not. If daycare isn’t an option, then he can either stay at home OR he can hire a babysitter. He forces you to stay home, that is YALLS money, whether he likes it or not.

7 Likes
41

I’m a stahm and I dont get like an “allowance” but every week or every other i can go shopping or take the kids somewhere, I get my hair done every 8 weeks, and whatever I need is picked up for me or when I call and say I need something he sends me the money. Sometimes I go a few weeks without anything or without doing anything if money gets tight

1 Like
42

Wow. That’s financial abuse. What a jerk. I’m a sahm and my husband lets me control the money and whatever I want or need.

43

We both work and I still get all his paycheck. I always pay and he always says "I’m married, I don’t have any money. " when people look to him to pay. I find it amusing. He has his credit card though so can buy stuff on his own and he knows the cash stash if he needs it. I would talk to someone like a therapist about this and try to figure out what you can do. Hugs.

44

Either you go back to work or its “our money”, “his money” can’t be a thing. We only have “family money”.

4 Likes
45

I A Sahm he pays rent I pay bills we split groceries and outings I clean houses on the side

46

He is more than likely lying to you about daycare. He is doing this to be financially abusive. You are a parent. You get to make choices. So tell him that he either changes or the kids are going to daycare and you are going back to work. Dont let him pull this shit.

47

I think it’s time to start giving your husband a time card with a list and charge for everything you do. If he doesn’t want to share the homes money then he needs to be paying you since he is the main one that wants you to stay home

9 Likes
48

Depending on how much he makes and how much all the bills and things are he may not have extra. It really does take more than 1 working in this world now days just to stay afloat

1 Like
49

I’m a SAHM. I usually just tell my husband what I want or need and he will tell me to go ahead and get it. If it’s a big purchase of something that requires planning or saving, he will sit down and work out some numbers to tell me when I can get it. He also sends me on a shopping spree 2x a year with a few thousand. He doesn’t buy things without running it past me either. Just a respect thing I guess. I wouldn’t allow someone to treat me the way you’re being treated…

3 Likes
50
1 Like
51

This is so sad. Put those kids in daycare and go to work. That’s literally spousal abuse! I work a few days a week and take care of the house, kids etc and he gives me money all the time for stuff

2 Likes
52

I’m a sahm any money that comes in to this house is OUR money. We combine our money together to make sure Bill’s are taken care for! We both set a budget of 60 each for him and I to spend on our self’s but he always spends it on his family. He sounds like a greedy man sadly

1 Like
53

Not normal. There is a thing called financial abuse. He is using money and the kids to control you. I’m sorry to say but sounds toxic! Things have changed since he was in daycare and there are really great daycares out there. Childcare is expensive as hell so I could understand if that’s why he “wants” you to be a SAHM. But it should’ve been a discussion, pros and cons. Not him just flat out TELLING you that your staying home. I have been a SAHM and that’s not how it went. He made the money I budgeted for the household. He gave me what we needed for whatever bills then extra for whatever I needed or wanted.

1 Like
54

Thats a type of abuse and control. I would tell him if you Dontwant the kids in daycare you are more than welcomed to stay home and care for them. But this mama is going to make some money too.

55

Maybe have a sitter come to your house and watch them so you can work instead of day care…

1 Like
56

Sounds like your being controlled and allowing it to happen put your foot down and enroll them in daycare and apply for work

57

Im a sahm and we have a joint account and i have a debit card with my name on it. I dont get money but i do get to buy stuff for myself or do stuff for myself.

58

All our money goes into the shared account once the bills are paid (I pay the bills) what is left is there for whatever we like. Usually my husband will tell me to use it on me.

3 Likes
59

SAHM here, I haven’t had to ask for anything. My job was to take care of him, the kids, and the house. His job is to provide for us and anything we may need. This was something we agreed on after we had kids. I did have little jobs here and there but my family always came first. I, also, didn’t consider daycare until my kids could talk properly though.

1 Like
60

My dad provided- and my mother opened the checkbook and wrote herself a check for cash anytime she decided to. Had he said a word it wouldn’t have gone well. He always said a man provides — a chump doesn’t

1 Like
61

He is controlling and this is a form of abuse! Go back to work and save your money Incase you decide to leave him!!

4 Likes
62

When my OH was working full time he’d pay all bills but I used the child benefit and tax credits for food shop, birthday presents, kids clothes, petrol. He never gave me any money. Now I work full time I don’t earn as much as he did so I pay the big bills (rent, pay for both cars, food shop, childcare etc) and he does the smaller ones with universal credit. I don’t have any money to give him so we just get by.

1 Like
63

I tell my husband I need money and he gives it to me. As long as we have the money after paying bills and getting groceries etc he never makes a fuss. Any money is OUR money. I started finding work from home jobs here recently. There’s tons of them out there. Maybe look for one and make a compromise with him that way. I wouldn’t go straight to abuse. People are so quick to cry abuse without knowing a full story. Is he busting his ass and you guys are barely making ends meet but he’d rather have his children safe with someone that loves them? That’s not abuse.

64

I’m a single mom but my mom was a stay at home mom for years and whatever my dad brought in it was their and he made sure all the bills were paid and whatever want left over was play money. If my mom or dad wanted to make a big purchase they are call each other and ask.

65

Hell no. He is controlling you.

1 Like
66

So put the kids in daycare, tell him to see a psychologist, and go to work lady. If he can’t figure it out then you do it for him, or tell him to stay at home and you take care of it.

2 Likes
67

Okay lengthy post. , when I first got pregnant in 2014, I was forced to resign from my job due to a complicated pregnancy. I stayed home and went back to school. I went back to work in 2017 when my daughter turned 2 and we put her in daycare. I got pregnant last spring, and had an insane complicated pregnancy again and stepped down from teaching for the 2019-2020 school year. I’ve been home since. Both times I was home, my husband paid for everything and then some. If I needed extra funds for school, he took care of it. If I needed more maternity clothes or needed shoes, he took care of it. If he felt like I needed pampering, he took care of it. He doesn’t complain when I spend a little too much on our girls. When I say “sorry, I went a little crazy”, his response is always the same; “you work hard at home, the house is always in order, food is always on the table, our girls are loved more than they know, and I’m never without.”. Hell, he’s even encouraging me to go back and get my masters since I’m home, knowing I can no longer receive financial aid.

I do plan on going back to the classroom next school year. I was going to go back this school year, but all interviews were postponed due to covid and because of uncertainty, we decided staying home was what I needed to do.

So, I don’t think you’re SO is doing what he needs to do. Providing us one thing, but being a husband/so is a whole other ball game. You can’t just do one and not the other. If that’s the case then he cannot say whether you can or can’t work. Not all daycares are negative environments!

1 Like
68

We have one account that his check is direct deposited into. I pay all the bills and do all financial planning including moving money to savings. I buy whatever I need/want for everyone and am never questioned. He’s not controlling, trusts me to plan for us and thanks me for taking care of the family. It’s a joint partnership.
If I were you … Get a job, put the kids in daycare and make your own money. It’s controlling behavior that’s ridiculous.

3 Likes
69

Tell him he either needs to realize it’s both of your money (what’s yours is his and what’s his is yours) or you are putting the kids in daycare and you’re going to work, end of discussion. Don’t break down. He sounds pretty controlling. My husband was the same way for a while and still is about certain things

2 Likes
70

If he requires no daycare he should be the one home.
If he can’t work as a team w you abt finances and claims it’s all his I think it’s time to discuss the realization that he is controlling you with money.
This is not how this type of agreement should work at all.

71

I’m a sahm, have been from the very beginning, and my husband brings in all the money. He calls it our money, and he makes sure I have “me time” whenever I need it. I recently told him I hated my hair color, and he encouraged me to go get it done! By him calling it “his” money, seems unfair and possibly controlling. They’re his kids too. And you deserve a treat! Being a sahm is a lot of work!!!

9 Likes
72

You’re not his wife you’re his prisoner. Get the hell up out of there!

2 Likes
73

He doesn’t respect you as a equal. Don’t sit around waiting for him to change. Instead get out there and do whatever makes you happy.

2 Likes
74

I’m a stay at home mama it’s not easy or for eveyone. my husband provides all the bill money and gives me cash each week just for myself. You gotta come to mutual agreement that works for everyone. If mom’s not okay then no one will be especially your children. Good luck :purple_heart::pray:

1 Like
75

I could safely say that wouldn’t fly in our house.

You either help me get things I need to fill my cup or I get a job and daycare it is.

76

Could you say either you go back to work, or he gives you spending money? Thats really not healthy at all, and very controlling. Instead of daycare, can you compromise on an in home carer? One that he meets, does background check on? Id be thinking about school as well, as that is less teachers, and alot more children, or does he expect you to home school, cause that would be no life for you.

77

That’s financial abuse. Get out fast.

8 Likes
78

This to me is not normal. My husband and I are a team and any money brought into our home is the families money. We check in with each other when we want to spend over 60.00 on personal items but that’s so we can stay on budget…

2 Likes
79

My so gives me his whole check,allows me to do what I need too, I stay home and the kids r not his, I have a great man. Also calls it our money, never leaves me out of anything

80

Have him stay at home… That’s bs

81

I’ve recently had back surgery and got taken out of work for it… all my income went towards groceries and stuff kids needed and any extras we wanted to do. Well I’ve been out for 3 months now and my husband has been a big help with everything we have struggled Bc he had extra bills piled on him so sudden… but we are making it. He finds a few things to do on the side for money that he can give me so I can have a small me day or do something with kids during a Saturday while he works. It’s been hard but we are making it. I’ve even purged thru my house to sell things I no longer needed or used for cheep just to help us out or for me to grab a nice cup of coffee after a doctors appointment or lunch.

Have you thought about trying to work night shift while he is home with kids or in the evenings when he gets off? Just a thought :woman_shrugging:t3: good luck momma

82

I’m a sahm and my hubby and I have separate accounts (I also do college classes online so I get student aid twice a year-damn student loans :roll_eyes:) but if I am in need of something we always find a way to make it work even if we are broke. He provides mostly everything (unless I have student aid available then I pay for what I need and groceries while I can so he can do extras with his money that he wants) I always feel guilty when I need a haircut-something like that and say screw it and go without till I can use my own money for it, he works his ass off for us and I just hate asking him for money if I can avoid it. He usually will let me do what I need to do though :woman_shrugging:t3: he pays the bills- I don’t do any of that but can get into his account if absolutely needed

83

Get your ass a job. Kids will be fine in daycare. Stop being a doormat. Dump his abusive ass. Asap

84

Even though I’m a stay-at-home mom my husband always gives me money he says to buy what I want need or in case of a emergency I don’t have to wait for him we also have a joint account and each have a card for the same account never have to ask for money he gives me each time he gets paid even though I have the card

85

I’ve been a stay at home mom for 6 years (also not by choice) . My fiance is the only one working both my kids are in school and he doesn’t want me to work even though I want to he says it cause I have to be home for the kids ( we don’t have someone who would want to watch our kids ) but he doesnt give me money to get my hair done or anything the money he does give me is enough to get stuff for the house and if our kids needs anything. Normally I may have a few dollars left and if he don’t take it I go get a small coffee that’s about it… So i know how you feel. We suppose to get married next year and I don’t have any money to buy anything for our wedding or even put gas in my car to go look. So I just stay home I know how you feel

86

Does not sound right, if he wants to take on the role of the provider and have you at home then all needs need to be met…not just his and not just the kids. Finances are a tricky thing, but both parties should be involved in the decisions

1 Like
87

Don’t let him control your life. Stand up for yourself girl!

88

RUNN!!! but seriously though if he doesn’t change his thought process by like yesterday you should leave him now. Before it gets worse.

89

That’s financial abuse. It’s OUR money! I’m a sahm, I’ve worked 3 months in the past 4 years and NEVER had to ask for money. He brings it home and I do all the finances. I pay bills, buy groceries, do birthday/Christmas shopping, and set spending budgets for the FAMILY.
With that said, I don’t spend over $50 on one singular item without discussing it with him first and he does the same. Groceries and household essentials aren’t talked about because those are things we need, but neither of us go out and buy anything expensive without talking about it first.
The only time that rule was ever broken was when I was doing normal shopping last year and Wal-Mart had a 40” tv marked down to $75 and he was at work so he couldn’t answer. He wasn’t mad at all because it was such a good deal and I DID try to call him first, but I couldn’t wait on him to return it.

1 Like
90

Oh no! He is controlling you. That is not ok. I currently work outside the home but when my kids were younger I was a SAHM and whatever money my husband brought in was our money. If it was a big purchase we would ask each other about it but not anything else. I say get a job, put them in childcare, and you do you.

91

I would say go back to work and put the kids in daycare. If he doesn’t like it he can leave. You are his wife not his slave!

7 Likes
92

Not getting money from your husband in a sahm situation is normal if you guys cant afford the extra money to do so. If you are financially comfortable to do so, i do find it a bit odd he wouldnt let you do those things. I also think the way he’s handling it and acting about it is sending red flags. Dont back down, talk about daycare, talk about getting your own job. Or at least try to make him hear you out on your needs & wants. If he wont respect you and refuses to hear you out, leave.
Maybe he’d feel better about daycare if he checked out the options himself to see whether they’re “worthy” of his approval? I get his concern, but its not fair to you.

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93

We both have access to our joint account and he never says no he always tells me if u need it get it . when i stopped working to stay home w my son it was both of our choices and i will go back to work when he’s old enough for school. I spend wisely i dnt do the extras like my nails but i do treat myself just not as often as when i was bringing home an income. I don’t know what is normal in other homes but this works for us .

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There are a few early harbingers of a man who is eventually going to kill you, this is one. Run, now. Sever any and all forms of contact non-negotiably. He shouldn’t know where you are. Keep your friends and family who are loyal to you close. Shield your kids. This is in fact the only way.

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Thats not okay you both have to agree to how things work in the household. I would NEVER be okay that set up. My mom supports my boys and I financially but we decided this together and if at any point I want to go back to work full time I can and will. I also get money for what and I want and need when I ask!! I would never stay in a situation where someone thought they had say over what and how things would be.

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:raised_hands::raised_hands::raised_hands::raised_hands::raised_hands::heart::heart::heart::heart: On God!!! Why even discuss going back to work then?? Just go back! Arrange daycare or a babysitter and go back!! He’s your husband not your boss. If he wants to treat you like that then he doesn’t respect you. Respect is give and take not all take. He will get over his kids in daycare. And you’ll have money again. Don’t ever let someone hold you back because of their fears. He needs some counseling if the event in his childhood affects him so bad.

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This is controlling, financial abuse.
And he can’t say they can’t go to day care, put them in day care, he can’t stop you unless he wants to stay home and watch them himself.
All money brought into this home is our money and he does not gate keep it.
We both see and understand the budget and both have access at all times. And I have been a sahm for 13 years! If he ever said anything I’d be back to work withing weeks!!
I dont need him, I choose him and he fully understands that if he breaks my boundries I wont put up with any form of abuse period!!

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Call and setup appts. To visit/tour local daycares. Tell him about the appts. And that he’s welcome to go too so yall can pick a place together, but if he wants to control all the money you’re going back to work. Because you are human. You have wants and needs and if he’s not going to provide you that opportunity by you being a SAHM then you can’t stay home. Period. Set your boundaries. Make those appts.

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This is NOT normal. My man and I are not married and I have complete access to our finances. When he gets paid , all the money goes into our joint account , I pay the bills , he puts however much he wants in savings & all the extra money stays in the joint account for anything we might want / need throughout the week.

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#controlling #manipulative
I was in this position for a brief period and it wasn’t fun at all. I’m done with that situation, PERMANENTLY.