My partner makes me feel worthless

I’ve been with my partner 4 years married since December, we have 2 kids together. He has been doing things that people question me about. The way he speaks to me is shocking, he makes me feel worthless, he drinks beer every single night, leaves me to pick everything up after him. I think he has anger issues and I feel as if I’m walking on eggshells all the time, I met a couple who have a child so me and my kids have been spending time with them and my husband has done nothing but argue with me about it and scream at me about it. He wants me to wait at home for him to finish work and not be home later than him. I tried to leave him at the weekend, so he punched a hole in my wall and refused to leave.
I have a very big heart and I want to make this work for all of our sakes, every time he says he will change nothing ever does. He’s said he will do some anger management as long as I stay with him.
I don’t know what to do as I do love him and if I tried to leave again he will just reject my breakup again. but I’m not the happiest I could be and I’m only 22 I have so much more life left

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My partner makes me feel worthless - Mamas Uncut

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Start getting your network together, family, friends, women’s outreach, make a plan, do not tell him what it is, then go, find a lawyer, document everything, make police reports if he threatens you or the kids.
Don’t risk your life or theirs to try and fix things. Be pro-active, not re-active, think, plan, execute

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First things first. If he’s punching holes in walls and refusing to let you leave its often only a matter of time before the target switches from the wall to you. Secondly you will likely do far more damage to your children if you continue to subject them to behavior like that. Lastly you said yourself. You’re only 22. Give yourself the opportunity to be happy before you waste a large number of years expecting a man to change.

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I’m telling ya right now you just need to leave. I was in a similar relationship at that age but with no kids and not married, and let me tell you from my experience I spent ten years trying to recover from the trauma that happened to me in a relationship like you’re describing. It’s only going to get worse and it’s never going to get better. Therapy is a joke for manipulating people like that as well don’t waste your time. Just leave for yours and your child’s sake!

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Run. As fast as you can. Don’t look back. This is ABUSE! File for an order of protection and have the police supervise him moving out. Change your locks. He’s a master manipulator. (Just my humble, experienced opinion.)

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He can’t “reject” your breakup. It’s not a question. It is a statement. Leave, take your children before they end up messed up adults because they will think this is normal or okay…also “making it work for all our sakes”??? I believe you mean for his sake. This is not good for you or the children. Leaving would be the thing to do for “all our sakes”.

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Leave and don’t look back. Guys like that don’t change I stayed in a situation like that for almost six years. End result? I almost died from his hands.
The anger and the punching holes and being controlling is just the beginning.
Leave and make a better and happier life for you and your two kids you are 22 and have your whole life ahead of you.
Whatever you decide I hope that you and your kids stay safe and wish you the best.

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I’m sure you saw warning signs way before this. People really need to set boundaries at the beginning of a relationship. If the person tests or passes that boundary then they don’t respect you.

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he will never change leave him as soon as possible while you are still young

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It sounds easier than it is but figure out how to exit that situation, especially with JUST the two kids you already have. Men never change unless they want to and most don’t see their errors so they don’t see a point in changing. They blame you for their downfalls and bad moments rather than taking responsibility. More years if this will bring you down. I’m speaking from experience.

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He doesn’t get a vote on whether you leave or breakup. I was married to someone very similar and every time I said I was going to leave, he promised me the moon but nothing ever changed except the violence (first verbal and eventually physical) continued to escalate. I wound up staying for 20 years and damage was done to not only me, but our children. Both have had relationship issues because of the relationship that was modeled for them by their father and I. Get out now! If he really wants to change, then let him work on himself and prove it to you while you work on yourself. Then, down the road, if he wants to try again and you agree, you can always do that.

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Get out while you and your child are still alive! Domestic abuse is no joke! The most important thing is you and your child’s physical safety. He drinks every night, IS violent, is abusive and it will only get worse unless he gets real help instead of making false promises.

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Honey take your children and get away from him. First it’s verbal then the throwing and punching stuff then it’s you that’s he’s physically hurting. Don’t let it get to that point. Think about your children. It would hurt them more to see this toxic situation.

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Take from someone who’s been there, it’s a total control thing and it sounds like you’re in the beginning stages. It’s just going to get worse :pensive:. Do what ever it takes to get out! I truly wish you and your children all of the best​:heavy_heart_exclamation:

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Ring women’s aid and or woman kind and they will help you. It’s domestic abuse and you don’t deserve it x

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You don’t need his permission to break up with him…he doesn’t get to reject that…it’s your choice…I think you love the idea of him more so than you love him as a person…he doesn’t love you either because love is patient and kind…you need to run far and fast and it’ll be the best thing you ever did for you and your babies…

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Been there, done that…my best advice…RUN, NOW, GET OUT & DONT LOOK BACK! he’s a controlling narcissist & will never change, get out now. He is trying to control u & cut u off from family & friends. For your own sanity & for your kids!!

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Omg. Do you want to put up with this BS for the next 60 years??? Cut your losses. Show your kids you’re strong and what a real relationship is all about. You’ll never be able to do that if you stay with him. Trust me. GO.

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The hole punch in the wall is a big red flag and the other things you list here do not indicate a healthy relationship either. I would seek therapy if you are not already.

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Get your ducks in a row and then leave - even if it means staying somewhere with friends or family for a bit. Kids will see his behavior and think that is normal so before he does anymore damage to their mental development and yours as a mother and female just do what you know needs to be done. Not saying it will be easy but sometimes people need to hit rick bottom to realize they need to change, so let him do that realization while you protect your kids from the monster he is at the moment before he progresses any further. If this is how he acts at such a young age You can only imagine how much worse he will get with time. Just cause you married him does not mean it’s your fault for who he is as a person and you don’t need to “fix” him ether. Wishing you and your kids the best with what ever choice you make :two_hearts:

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You’re young… get out now
. He’s controlling and verbally abusive… it won’t get better only worse…maybe once he’s older will he change but if he is young like you that’s a long way off… good luck

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Ring Women’s Refuge and ask for help. They will relocate you asap and he won’t be able to find you. They will help you with protection orders, custody of the children, WINZ, sourcing a new safe home.

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it’s only gonna get worse. leave for yr kids sake if nothing else. yr kids are going to think that’s what love looks like.

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Take your kids and run. Run really fast and don’t look back. You know you have to. Love is not always enough and it sounds like he doesn’t love you anyway soooo. . .

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You’ve already answered you’re own question he won’t change. That’s very controlling and manipulative behaviour really the only think keeping you together is fear if his reaction to the break up. Staying together isn’t good for anyone’s sake apart from your husbands. You need to have someone else there if you need him to leave so you don’t feel threatened worse case call the police if it’s your house evict him if it’s joint cut your losses and get saved up to move out.

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Your answer is in your last sentence. If you know that you “have so much life left…” choose how you want to live your life.

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You should leave as soon as you can. Don’t waste anymore time staying with him because you love him. You’ll be stuck longer because of that. If he wants to do better and go to anger management classes, let him, he can do that without you having to live and be in the house. You also don’t want to stick around long enough to turn into that wall. For the sake of yourself and your kid, you should leave and learn to love and care at a distance.

Don’t let him try to sway you into staying. People can talk a big talk when they want someone to stay. Let him work on his things, like I mentioned, AWAY from you.

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If you love him, set him free. Not to say you can’t work things out, but if he doesn’t do the anger management classes, he can’t come back. Get the police involved. If he put a hole in the wall he may go after you next. Also Al anon might be helpful. I know it helped me.

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Run girl run, this isnt gonna change. For your sake as well as the kiddos, just go. The kids dont need to be raised seeing him treat you like crap, they come to learn that behavior is acceptable. And it never is. Good luck and prayers!!

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Contact a shelter in your area and find a SAFE way to leave. Your kids are in danger, and so are you. And you certainly don’t want them to grow up thinking this is a good or normal way to treat people. This man is NOT your partner. He is treating you as a servant.

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I think you may be in danger. Men like this don’t change and will just get worse with controlling behavior and violent out burst. Just get yourself and your child out before this happens
Do not waste anymore of your life on him. He will not change at this point. Make a plan now!!

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Life is too damn short to put up with his behaviour! You and your children deserve better. A calm and happy environment for all. You need to go into a Refuge! Don’t wait until it’s too late. You are so young! Don’t waste your life on him. :see_no_evil::see_no_evil::see_no_evil:

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U will not change this man. And ask ur self why or how can u love someone that can do these things. Get some help for ur self to find the strength to leave.

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Girl, leave. Now. Take the kids and go while he’s at work. Turn off your phone’s GPS so he can’t use any type of location service to track you and when he contacts you, which he will, do NOT tell him where you are. What he’s doing is abusive. You say you love him, but he very clearly doesn’t love you. And your kids need to know that kind of behavior is not okay.

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If you’re worried about him hurting you or anyone else for breaking up with him then call the cops explain you tried once before he punched a hole in your wall and that you need someone to keep the peace while he packs his things and leaves.

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Modern society love labels. Anger issues? Forget that, he’s a bully and you are in an abusive relationship which is extremely harmful to you and your kids. Get help NOW and get out of it before it’s too late.

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I wasted 9 years of my life with a person like that, they don’t change I promise you. Unless he gets serious counseling you need to get out before it gets worse

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Run with your kids as fast as you can. He won’t change. I have been there. Went back 3 times. It only got worse each time.

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Please listen to all these people that have experienced this situation. I am also one of them. I left, but my children were affected. Jesus bless!

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Pretty simple… leave! He can’t “reject” your break up, he won’t change. He will tell you time and time again he will fix things but he won’t. Pack you stuff, get your kids and leave.

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You are young and have a big heart. You will have a better life someday, but you have to make a new start first. You won’t regret it. Learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Learn what a narcissist is and does in order to not make the same mistakes again. I’ve been there, and I’m glad I am out. I regret waiting as long as I did.

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If you have a big heart then you need to LEAVE for all your sakes. Staying will be harmful to you AND your kids. They see what your husband is doing and they are 100% affected by that. They also see you not being happy and they see a very toxic person. It’s not good for their health or yours. If you want your children to grow up in a healthy and safe environment, you need to leave and go back to your support system.

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That’s your answer. YOU HAVE SO MUCH LIFE LEFT.I was married 17 years and that guy almost ruined me,He physically abused me had him put in jail after that it was all mental,emotional, verbal abuse.I planned for 2 weeks and left and never looked back.

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Get out now while you are young. Focus on your kids and raising them. The kids will see how you are treated and think this is a healthy relationship because that is all they know. Spend a few years discovering yourself and what you will and will not tolerate in future relationships and draw that line in the sand. You need to make sure you are on a healthy environment because if mommy is in a bad mood it affects the kids.

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You should leave when he’s at work it’s not fair to the kids never stay because of your kids and he could hurt you one time and it’s to late drinking every night no I don’t care if he works and he wants to control you please leave

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Time to go. Violence escalates. You are teaching your children by example what relationships are supposed to be. Is this what you’d want for your children? There is help for abused women. Get some.

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I don’t get it. You say you love him? You have to ask yourself what exactly is it that you love about him? He’s attempting to control your life, he doesn’t respect you, you say he makes you feel worthless. He punched a hole in the wall? Get out. He’s never going to change and one day he won’t be satisfied with punching the wall.

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I stayed 12 years in a relationship like that. It was too long and it didn’t get better.

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This is really simple. If he loved you he wouldn’t treat you like shit. This is not love. He seems to care more for himself than you or anyone. If he has to go out of his way to show you respect it’s not love and the road you’re going down will just get worse. Life it to short to put up with this crap. And it sounds like he’s already used up his one chance. Get out and enjoy life. God has the right person for everyone. He’s not the one for you.

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Run girl get out of it. Nothing is worth the abuse he’s going to do and already has done.

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I always go back to something Steve Harvey said on his Hey Steve segment. 'Do you want to deal with all this the rest of your life? No, so why are you allowing the behavior to continue now?" Get out now and do anything and everything you can to make sure you have a safe place to be. Not well off, not happy go lucky, but safe. You need safety and security. Happiness will come once you are safe. You are 22 and have SOOOO much of a life to live. And a life that included gettimg your kids out of this mess. No man is worth making you feel like garbage and scared.

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Leave and don’t walk, run… It won’t get better only worse!

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You have your answer loud and clear you and your children deserve a life of happyness and love secure in the knolage your home is a safe place please be strong and leave him

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Leave. Just leave. It’ll never change. He’ll never change. If anything it’ll get worse and it is NOT better for the children for you to be together just because you are both their parents. They’ll grow up thinking that behavior and treatment is totally acceptable. Leave.

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Sometimes you need more then love, he is abusive and things might escalate soon to physical abuse as he is already showing those signs… get out hun while you can and before he does something he can never take back

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Don’t walk! Run! For your safety and your child’s!

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Start planning how to leave . Get help from friends so that you have some support. A very bad example for your children to see you being treated in this way .

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A leopard can’t change its spots, that’s the hardest fact to deal with, unless he 100% wants to, I’m married to a bully, thank God he doesn’t drink, but he does believe its my job to clean up after him, I’m too soft to fight back, you are young and there is violence there, it can get worse, stop making excuses and do some serious thinking, write all the good things, along side write the not so good, is it worth it.

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Why stay with him, honey? God gave you one life, only. Enjoy it as much as you can. Be strong. Walk out of that hell hole. This is not a good environment for the children to grow in.

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Please leave him. Life has so much more to offer you and your kids. Please don’t settle. I got married young too (thankfully no kids) we got divorced and looking back I could have ended it sooner and I could have done sp much with my early 20’s but having a big heart and always expeting that they would change cost me my early 20’s.

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Leave man. I man should want to change himself for the better regardless of you. You guys having kids together he should have been put a handle on his temper. You should walk away from this man, divorce him and move on, for your own happiness and for your kids happiness as well. They deserve to see their mother limitlessly happy.

He does not hold the power,his addiction does. Why go back to the control and violence on a promise he may not be able to follow through with?

He is mad,because you are expanding your support system and as you do this you are also learning to think for yourself.

I have been in your shoes. Seek out a domestic violence center and counseling. Do not update him on your progress,he will try to derail it.

If he wants to get well,he has to do it on his own. His ultimatums and fear tactics will only stop when you realize your need to love yourself and your children enough to do what’s best for you. The family unit is fractured. As part of your healing also look into support groups for the family.

He is manipulating you.
If he loved, respected or cared for you he would work on the problems you two have, without making threats
I left a similar situation years ago.
I left for the sake of my children. I did not want my son’s learning that the way their mother was being treated was right. I didn’t want it to become a vicious cycle.
In doing so, I learned that one happy parent raising children alone is far better than 2 miserable parents doing it together.
My son’s have grown into fine youn men who treat their gf’s with respect and kindness. They have also thanked me for being brave enough to walk away from the sadness that our lives had been when I was still with their father.
Be strong, brave and be a good mother, don’t let your children grow up to be in the same kind of relationship you are miserable in.

Sorry your feeling so unsure of your marriage. Sounds to me like blackmail to stay together the I’ll do this IF I get my own way.
Maybe try to seal some advice from a women’s support group or charity. Your gp will point you in the right direction to a safe place to talk to someone. Best advice I ever got was trust your gut and yourself and keep true to your own heart. Some times our loved ones can not be saved by giving into them.

Please look at his actions… his words mean nothing if their empty promises, I was in a domestic abusive relationship for 12 years, it doesn’t get any better regardless of how hard you try to change it… put simply ‘you can not help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves’… unless he sees fault in his actions he will always be the same…
My ex blamed me for everything and never took responsibility himself, fast forward 6 years after I left him and he is due to front court tomorrow for domestic abuse charges for his new girlfriend :frowning:
Please don’t attempt to stay for your children, they shouldn’t grow up thinking that that is a normal relationship… get out now before the abuse escalates to violence…

Oh you are very young if he does not start to change. I mean stop or severly limit his drinking and go to anger managment classes i am sorry but u must go your kids will sense something is not good and will begin to feel unsafe and the one thing kid need is feeling of safety. Also he must give u some freedom he can not expect you to stay in all the time with him or wait around for him to come home needs to be balance maybe he could come with you to some of these places when he is fit to be civil. Sorry if sounds harsh advice given with good intentions but u must put ur self 1st nobody else will.

girl, leave. leave and stay gone for a while. either it will shock him into changing because he will realize you won’t just take it, or he won’t change and you will have saved yourself a lot of heart ache. your kids deserve stability. he is not allowing you to provide that for them. you can love him from afar. you don’t want to teach your kids how he treats you and what he expects of you is ok or normal. you have to set an example for your kids. unfortunately when you have them, it’s no longer about you.

Well if you stay we’ll miss you and counted as one more murder by her partner…you’re too young to waste you life with a person with issues to be fixed,your children are in a toxic environment and as the dad they’ll be affected as well when they grow up,do yourself and them a favor if you really love them go away and never look back,it may hurt you for some time and goes away instead of everyday of your ode and them,god bless you and guíe you.

Walk out the front door and dont look back just keep going, all the warning signs are there… you and the kids are worth more then that xx good luck xx

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Literally exact same situation. Leave. Run. It starts with holes in walls then it’s your face. Don’t try to make him leave, he won’t, he’ll just hurt you. You have to go and if you want the house then you’ll have to do it through court. Every second you’re there, is a second sooner to him hurting you or worse, your kids.

I say this with love. What are you teaching your children, that is okay to be mistreated. It’s not! There are not victims dear, there are volunteers. Learn to love and respect yourself.

That is straight up abuse and manipulation. Make a plan. Talk to your support group ask for help. Trust me when I say they want to help you. Get a restraining order too. Your life and kids’s lives are more important than trying to please your abuser. You will never it work because it takes both people to make it work. He’s got you where he wants you so he doesn’t have to try. Get out of there as soon as safely possible.

Leave!!! Now!!! Please God- for the safety of you and the mental health & future behavior/personality of your child- LEAVE. NOW.
He will not change. It will not get better. He will not do anger mngrmnt and if he does- it will not take. He won’t get better until he has to- until he learns it is HIM that caused it. And he wont learn that if u keep agreeing to stay. I’ve been there. Its HARD to walk away. I know it is. Please- find the strength quickly.

As you wrote this- you have to see the obvious. GET OUT NOW.

Love isn’t mandatory as marriage is an agreement not an emotion.

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Get out. That is not normal behavior. It is abuse. It’s easier to say than to do, but you’re not alone. There are resources to help you. Google things like women’s or family safehouses. Google crisis line numbers. I worked in a safehouse that also had a crisis line. Trust me. There is help out there for you.

Get out now and run, he is not going to change and he is insecure. It is a matter of time before he hits you, he has already put holes in the wall and you are next and then the kids. Get a network together start saving money that he does not know about and then plan an escape.

You married him in Dec. after being with him almost 4 yrs? He didnt just start behaving like this since Dec. and you knew & stayed, what did you expect? Now you’re complaining after your children have been exposed to this kind of relationship for yrs…doesnt make sense, maybe its the new friends thats opening your eyes up to how you should be treated…reason he doesnt want you around them. He needs a lot of grown up & counseling…so do you. Hope you make the right decision.

Nothing will change because he doesn’t see a need or want it to.
The only change you can make is to get out before you and the kids get damaged more.

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Your 22, get out Now.
You already know nothing’s going to change, it will only get worse…
So young at 22, get out with your kids and enjoy being young.

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There’s lots of programs out there that can help you and your kids get out of the situation you’re in and they can help you find housing, child care and a job. They also usually have some type of counseling services they can give you and your kids to help you all get past the hell that you’ve been living with. If you don’t know how or where to go contact the police in your area and they can set you on the right path, they will also be there when you’re ready to leave to make sure he doesn’t stop or hurt you and the kids. But please don’t wait till it’s too late! Go now!

I think you already answered your question! You, nor your children are living your “best life!” Your children are watching and learning about your relationship every day. If mom accepts less than she deserves and lets dad walk all over her, then that must be how we are supposed to be treated. Think about the example you are setting for them! He will never change. You and your children deserve so much more! Good luck!

He wasnt ready for marriage or children and he resents you all for it. This sounds bad but men under 40 you should be suspicious of for first time fatherhood and have those difficult discussions. I say this from the probability of consistent trends. His ego will be bruised through you leaving him though. This is pretty serious. Couples counseling asap or leave with a barring order. Violence may come sooner rather than later.

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He’ll never change! You’re too young, just cut your losses and go! The violence will only get worse or stay the same, but he won’t stop , especially if he’s young and drinks and it will change your kids forever! I lived through it and it changed me ! It was just occasional and mostly arguing , but it had a profound , lifelong effect and I lot I didn’t understand until I was much older that I ended up regretting!

For 14 years I was married to
Man who belitted me beat me
Beat my kids. Was gone for
Days at a time .Had 47 jobs
In 14.yrs. drank constantly
I finally got the back bone to
Leave him. Best thing I did
He promised many times to
Change. He messed around with
Other women. Leave do not
Put up with it like I did

get a restraining order and leave with the children… they shouldnt grow in that kind of environment and you shouldn’t be threatened… get out before the hole in the wall becomes one in your face… or worse… “Iwll change” doesn’t cut it… he will not… he’s an abuser who needs serious therapy.

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My advice is get out of the relationship before it gets bad where there’s physical abuse I was in a relationship for 13 years has started out mental abuse and then turned out to be physical abuse the man’s dog bit me in the leg and almost ripped my leg off it took over a year and a half to get my leg to heal into this day I still have problems with my leg believe me it’s not worth your life your children’s life to be in a situation like that

You do not deserve this treatment .it is abusive and will pull you down .your child will not benefit from you trying to stay .he or she will learn it is ok to treat women badly .get out of this nightmare while you have your youth.do not let him guilt you into staying or intimidate you.do everything you can to put distance between you

Nothing is going to change. He is a habit that you need to give up. It will hurt initially, but will get better over time. Be strong

Find the strength to leave now… imagine 20 years from now your still with him. Don’t get sucked in and stuck, leave now while you know you deserve better he will brainwash you eventually and you’ll never leave.

Please leave find friends or family to stay with

Leave for your sake and the children it will only get worse

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Dont tell him youre leaving that can be a very dangerous time. Quietly male a plan and leave then get a restraining order. If he starts getting crazy hit record on ur fone. You can call a domestic violence place in your area for help getting out. Be careful. Please dont try to “fix” him. Dont waste your life you deserve so much better. If you allow this then itll only get worse and worse, you could wind up severely injured or even dead. Please get help and get out NOW

Your words “he said he will get anger management help if you stay with me”
That’s controlling you, I was in a similar situation where I was only with someone for 6 months and I found out some very bad stuff about him and told him he had to leave my house, he said if I left him he would kill himself, I still left as myself and my daughter were priority at that time, he didn’t do anything and moved on pretty quickly, they are just trying to be controlling and if you don’t allow it to happen then it won’t.
You need to get outta there for you and the kids sake. Good luck x

Run run run…hrs an alcoholic containing abusive man you’re only 22. Call the domestic abuse hotline and they will facilitate a safe escape. This is not normal.

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Sounds like he’s a narcissist and unfortunately they never change.
I would leave ASAP before things get worse.

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It really isn’t this easy to leave. It has been said statistically. A woman will try and leave 7 times before she successfully does so. I will only say. I hope u and ur kids stay safe. I hope u can find the courage to do what you really want to. And the help if u need it no matter what you choose life will be hard. Build ur support system outside of him and use it. U will need it for what ever your next step is. Good luck momma

So let’s get this right if you stay he will get help with his anger management so by that he is saying he doesn’t have a problem if you leave because he won’t be going. You are to young to put up with his behavior a guy who cares about you would bend over backwards to please you,pack up and go while he is at work fine a place away he won’t find you til your ready to see him.There are group’s who can help you will be surprised how you feel about yourself do it for you and the kids.

Run take everything you can and leave when he leaves for work you’ll have 8 hours ahead of him don’t tell where you’re going there’s churches in every town in every state in every country there will be help a few towns over

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This exact thing happened to me. Please don’t stay in that kind of a marriage. I waited too long and it just got worse for my kids and I. I know you love him but he’s controlling you and you need to get out before something bad happens. My ex and I get along alot better now by not living together and me leaving him finally made him change his ways although I will not take him back. Even if you gotta take a temporary separation from him, just get out now while you can. I wish you the best of luck.

We teach people how to treat us set your boundaries and stick to them

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