How can you be involved with him on that level. If he doesn’t want to do anything with his family. Maybe if you cut off that part of the relationship. He might start doing things as a family. That’s why he doesn’t feel the need to interact with the family. Because you still reward him anyway.
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It doesn’t sound like your relationship is fine. The resentment for his lack of interest in your daughter and your home incl you tells me things are not fine. If you’re able to, try and get some councelling for the both of you before things get any worse. You have every right to upset about this. Good luck 
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My opinion is,if you truly Love him as you say , understand him , do your part at home and let him do his work , don’t impose on him what to do ,he will feel less of a man , so find other ways of being in a good relationship with him ,as you have already said your relationship is ok dear 
so don’t destroy it with your nagging.
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Unfortunately some men seem to think that they’ve ‘done their bit’ by going out of the home to work.
What they forget is that they have free time at the end of their working day in which they can do whatever they please.
Mum’s on the other hand can’t. The time they can switch off isn’t until their child is asleep.
Mum’s are on duty 24/7 - from the time their eyeballs open in the morning until they close them, they are looking after other people and that includes the husband.
Sorry but if a husband can’t see this he’s a very selfish man.
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Make a list of all the stressful things in your life.
Take a break from cleaning and hire a maid service once a month.
Take a break from grocery shopping. Get your food delivered.
Get a job for yourself so you can stop seeing the four walls all the time. You need to talk to adults.
Stop trying to included him into your daughters life.
Enjoy your daughter company.
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What is your definition of a “fine” relationship? What would be your definition of a loving, sharing, equal relationship/partnership? Do you feel more like roommates? If you had to do it all over again, would you chose him to be a life partner? Perhaps work on your own personal issues which then may lead you to more self-love and self-respect. Then ask yourself, again, the questions above. Wishing you the best…
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How can you say “relationship wise we’re fine”? Parenting and family time is part of a relationship.
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Honestly My Dad 100% participated in cleaning, cooking,taking care of us kids. But he never went anywhere with us. Mom did. They both worked. He just does not enjoy crowds. I have many great memories with him. At home. I am good with that. Mom was more social than he was. It sounds like this Dad may want to focus on bonding with his daughter in ways that suit them both.
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So he works 7 hours a day and you work from morning till bedtime!? That’s not a good relationship. 9 years and not married? Something is wrong.
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How is the relationship fine if he makes you feel that you aren’t a team? Daytime at the house is your responsibility- he’s at work then. He should help with nighttime responsibilities. Just my opinion.
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Advise: get involved in things “money wise” you need to know what money is coming in and going out. As to the sharing childcare and a chore every now and then. Working 10-5 means he doesn’t have to do anything else? Get real dude I would love to work 10-5 that is pretty cushy. Sorry, He sounds spoiled
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Time to have a long talk. You guys have been together 9 years. There is NO reason he can’t do a load of dishes. Does he do any of the outside work? Mow, trim? Personally if he wants to be that way then he can go elsewhere and pay you support
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I’m probably gonna get hate for my comment. It’s just my opinion. Which everyone is entitled to. If you are a stay at home mom I don’t feel like he should have to take care of the house at all. As far as your child he should absolutely be involving himself in her life. I work from home and have two kids. I take care of the house. My bf, who is not the father of my children, works full time, is going to school, and is in the guard. Every single night he makes time for family time. Even if it’s just watching a movie together. Or going out to dinner. And the weekends he’s always coming up with new things for us to do as a family.
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Since you don’t work outside the home and your daughter is in school you should have plenty of time for house work. He should do the outside work like cutting grass , shoveling snow and taking care of the cars. As far as him not wanting to be with the family and live his own life. This is unacceptable. Eventually you’ll get sick of it. Then you can get rid of his selfish ass. Stop rewarding him in bed, he doesn’t deserve it. Most humans will only do what they can get away with.
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Doesn’t seem like the relationship is “Fine” . My husband and I both work full time between us we have five kids, two are grown now, but we tag team everything we have to for things to get done. He hasn’t missed a ball game yet, or any going our as a family, and three of the five kids are mine from a previous relationship. Seems like you need to have a serious talk with him. Not even sure how you can say your relationship is fine 🤷.
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All these people telling you to not wash his clothes or fix his dinner, that will only make him think you don’t care about him. How would you like it if he said here is only half the money to pay our bills, you need to figure out how to pay the rest. It s the same as far as contributing. If you are “working” in the home and he is working outside those four walls it doesn’t mean your job is done just because his hours are different. Show some gratitude for what he does instead of what “all” you do. Maybe then if he feels it he will see you appreciate him and want to spend quality time with you and your daughter. Suck it up, it is just life as a mom and wife. You signed up for it.
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Relationship wise you’re fine? I’d say he’s getting his cake and eating it too. He’s teaching your daughter that she does not matter, and you’re letting him do it. I understand, it isn’t worth the battle, but he’s got it made. You need to decide if this is what is best for you and your daughter. He’s already figured out that he’s got it easy.
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Then you work 10-5 everyday and just sit around doing nothing after that. He wants to be fed…make it himself. A woman’s work is 24/365 and it seems that he thinks his job is done at 5. Well…what’s good for the gander is good for the goose!!!
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You say your relationship is fine what relationship? He shows no interests in a family relationship or a father daughter relationship so the only relationship I can you would be talking about thats fine is the sexual relationship. You need to think about it cause you are both teaching your child that this is how it should be.
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Everything being written you already know. You have articulated everything clearly. You don’t need advice, you need to make a decision and ACT NOW.
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There’s 2 ways to look at it. Your a stay at home mom he pays the bills and you and your daughter can travel and have fun Or you get a job leave his butt pay your own bills and not have to think about what he does or doesn’t do.
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You’re not silly, a mother stay at home or not puts in a lot more hours than a man on a secular job and does it for next to no pay. Also fills so many more rolls. Sounds like he’s working for himself not you and your daughter. ( Not as a family)
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He is teaching your daughter that’s how a man is & not all men are like that. Is that what your daughters husband to be like to her & her family.
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How can you say the relationship is fine when it is one sided you and your daughter versus him you are just basically roommates with benefits if your daughter is in school go find a job and give d some worth cause right now your the housekeeper/baby sitter he gets to have sex with. Harsh truth but still 100 % true
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My husband does a 12-14hr day always has. Right through while the kids were growing up. I was at home til our last baby went to school. At night he would come home and spend time with the kids if they were still up. Help out with cleaning up if any left and always come out on family outings if he wasn’t working. No excuse, you are a team work as a team
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You both work all day. Then you both clock out. Anything after that is a team effort
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It doesn’t sound like relationship is fine. I would set up a time when you daughter isn’t there to have a heart to heart with him. It would concern me if he didn’t want to been seen and be a part of outside life with you. Million of men work 40-50 hours a week Coach teams, show up at dance rehearsals, cook dinner and clean up.
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Just go and enjoy your time with your child, make great memories. That is the wonderful payoff of spending time together. You cannot change anyone, you can only change yourself.
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Relationship wise, you two are not OK!!! You obviously are not happy with it or you wouldn’t be on here complaining! Do something to wake him up, demand he go to counseling with you & if he won’t, go by yourself! Ask yourself if you can live your life like this forever?
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You need to get a job outside of your house. If he complains tell him to hire a house keeper. Your child doesn’t really know her father and doesn’t spend anytime with either of you. Re-think your life style
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Time for you to take a vacation for a week, have the kids stay home with him for that week ( his “vacation”). Maybe he will appreciate all you do a little more when you get back.
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You said it was “a nightmare keeping him happy” during an outing. How is it day to day at home? Do you feel stressed “keeping him happy” then too? Say dinner is late, or his shirt didn’t get washed, or you forgot to pick something up at the store, etc. Secondly, what does he do outside of work and paying bills to show you he values and appreciates you or your opinion? Things to think about.
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Seems you need to have a talk. Listening and acknowledging the other person. Search your soul and find your values as a person, as a relationship, as a family. Find the answers to the questions. Is he antisocial, anxiety, tired or just doesn’t enjoy family time? Or is he not interested in what your doing or the joy your child has. Parenting is the equivalent to 3 full time jobs. It’s not too much to ask for a break. Then you know what his motives are and can decide if his values are in line with yours and if you can live with it or not.
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Since you work 24/7 he could pick up weekends since he’s free. Lol. Smh
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Here is what I did when I was told “he” works, when I also worked outside the home. Research what housekeeper, cook, babysitter, nurse etc. Make in your are, then make up an invoice for YOUR time doing all of these jobs at home. He will get the message. If that doesn’t work, then if you have a joint account, take that money out and leave him a receipt for services rendered. I wish you well in your future. I ended up taking my bother with our kids to outings & taking lots of pics and sending to him. He soon learned the memories he was missing out on.
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He sees his contribution as purely financial. That is how he provides and measures his worth. What you are asking of him is not unreasonable but it is a completely foreign concept to him. There are a few ways to deal with this but it comes down to what you really want. You can force it but it will mean you will work harder keeping him happy. You can give him ultimatums but be prepared for him to walk. My advice coming from the exact same life is pick your battles. You want him to do stuff with the family? Make it stuff he likes to do. Then gradually introduce other things. You want him to help out around the house start small. Can you open this for me?
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No you are not silly, he better listen to what you are saying, would he prefer someone else to take his part. Its funny how all these little things add up? When you have had enough, he could be replaced. Dont say it cant happen, because it can . So pay attention Daddy time is running out.Pretty soon the love is gone and even humpty dumpty cant put it back to gether.
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Perhaps you can find a self help book at the bookstore. His relationship with his daughter will be much happier for both of them . If he does not bond with his daughter now by sharing life he will never bond and it will leave a hole in his heart. She needs him so she is emotionally ready and secure to choose a husband who will make her happy.
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That’s ridiculous I’m a sahm and my husband works full time, if I ask him to help because I feel overwhelmed there’s never a debate or an excuse he just helps because it affects my mental health.
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A lot of that attitude comes from his parents. How old is your daughter. How important is it to you to have a conversation about the dishwasher or to keep peace. It is hard to change a man set in his way.
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You’re not silly for wanting them, but after 9 years, I doubt he’s going to change.
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regardless, even if he is working & you’re staying home : he. is. still. a. father. say it with me: he is still a father. he can do things with the child(ren) he helped make!
the lacking in the family outing thing is quite strange.
“you chose how people will treat you, by allowing the things you do.”
simple.
& honey, throw the whole man away and get yourself on your own 2 feet.
take it from a once single mother of 3 children, you do not need a man!
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He has it made…his work is easy. I’d rather go to work than work at home, its never done. And YES, he should pitch in, sounds like he’s lazy at home. Mister, get off your butt, she’s NOT your maid.
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My husband and i agreed many years ago. If we both have jobs we do home chores 50/50. If he works and i stay home then home is my job and brings home the money. When he takes leave then we do things together. Certain things i will never expect from him and that is work inside the home unless its repairs. He sorts outside. Thats us and it works perfect. Hes also not a go out family day man. I except that’s who he is
You’re living a married single life. Your husband is getting all the benefits of marriage but living as if he were single. Obviously you and your child matter not to him or he would want to do things with you as a family. I say present him with divorce papers. Find yourself a REAL MAN.
If money isn’t an issue, hire some help. That will take away the resentment about him not doing a thing at the house. Find the balance you’re missing and plan a date night once a week for the two of you and a family day once a week for all of you. Make it a ritual and a priority for the health of your marriage and family. Good luck to you all.
Sounds exactly like my ex and I
I got tired feeling like was in it alone. We split and im now with someone who works way more 7 / 12s in the plants and will help with anything with or without my asking and always wants to be involved with everything so much so that sometimes have to tell him i can do it on my own im used to it, but try not to say it too ofter so he feels needed and we continue as a team
When they work and u don’t this is typical I think I hear it a lot
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This is the #1 problem in relationships that I hear from.women. Boys can’t wait to grow up to be like (too many of) their dads. It’s the easy-chair-remote-control-life-1950’s-carry-over. They are too “tired” to do anything with wives, children, etc., but if there’s a game, a round of golf, time to bowl, fish, drink, etc., they have a magic recovery. I’m 71 now and will just say after the kids grow up nothing will change. You will be the first one up and the last to go to sleep, and you will do everything in between. YOU will never retire.
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So he is your partner not husband. That’s your first and most important mistake. He is still living his single life and using you for his convenience. My daughter had the same issues. They finally called it quits now she is married to wonderful husband and father. Hope you can find the same. Good luck!
You’ve been with him for 9 yrs, I would had ditch him a loooong time ago, because you are a SAHM does not mean you wouldn’t want a break from the household duties etc, get a maid to help with the cleaning if he does not want to help, scheduled babysitter so that the 2 of you can have nights out …if he refuses well , you like to be pushed around .
If your constantly busy whilst your daughter is at school and when she is home I’d be asking said husband when your day gets to end like his does!!
I see a lot of rants about leaving the guy and he’s this or that. ANYONE think that maybe he has anxiety issues or mental health issues. Some people can’t take social outings. He gone all day so he enjoys his house time. She inside all day and wants to get out.
This is right where every mediocre hot lettuce kind of man wants his woman. Find you someone who is interested in YOU.
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I think maybe you need to rethink, “ relationship wise we are fine,” and begin to communicate with him, really communicate your concerns!
My dad worked and my mom was a stay at home mom for almost her whole life until we were all out of the house and she got a job. But my father acted like a father inside the house and outside of the house. On his days off and the weekends we did a lot of things as a family. Dad and mom took us to drive-in movies, camping, shopping and so many other wonderful places. I still miss him so much after he died.
When you say at the last family outing it was a nightmare keeping him happy, it sounds like he is a spoilt brat. It is not your job to keep him happy if you go out. He should be happy he is out with his family. My hubby has been to some boring things (for him) but he is happy because he is with his family.
It doesn’t have to be every place you go with your daughter. For example you might take her to dance class without him but you would expect him to go to the end of year concert.
Apparently he has a possibly unconscious rigid belief in traditional gender roles. It’s possible that he was raised this way, and has never questioned it. Help him question it. You may be able to break this down over time in various ways: Discussion, reasoning, talking about how your families handled things, expressing how your current arrangement makes you feel: isolated, lonely, not able to do other things you are interested in other than running the household. What would happen if you went away for a weekend? That could make the point that sometimes he needs to be flexible about showing an interest and helping out. Your life sounds very unnecessarily constricted in choices, you may have anger about this, and continuing to go along as if it was ok with you can result in increasing anger and unhappiness. If he doesn’t want to talk or listen to what’s important to you, you have to wonder if he cares about you as a person or just the household servant he has acquired through marriage. Best wishes!
I thought since the money is there , you won’t complain, are you not demanding too much?
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You are stuck you are not truly happy why is he there to pay the bills? You are gonna regret him in the long run! Ppl treat you the way you allow them to!!..and folks get/stay married for wrong reason and if GOD didn’t pick him for you and you did🤔ppl make misstakes all the time! If you all didn’t get married under GODS will y’all married under man way/law…!!
Maybe he should quit his job then he will have all the time you want and won’t be tried when he’s home. So stop complaining and be happy with what you have. A husband that takes care of you. You need to be more grateful. so whinny
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Hmm warning signs , if the child is both your and his , he should be involved . I would suggest u talk to a marriage counselor or some professional if u think this relationship is worth it . Based on what u r saying have doubts . If u yell and scream or get upset , he may just do a few things and go back to the same old routine . That’s why an independent consoler can maybe help
I would be getting involved in that money and start taking an interest in the business. If it belongs to both if you you should be in the loop with it. Daughter is in school you can be at business at least a couple hours… get involved with what is keeping him away from your family… that would be a start
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What reasons does he give when you speak with him about it? Because this needs serious open discussion of needs and Expectations
He doesn’t help with the child? I bet the jersey wants her to obey they.
He is a bad role model and she will be you soon
He’s already left the relationship, he is holding for six and money reasons, check financial before making move, cards and accounts separate .
are you at home with the child all day? or does she go to a government-run school for part of the day? Either way… Taking care of everything in the home as well as the child is full time work! It’s just as much work if not more than going outside the home to earn a paycheck. He should be participating too. Once he gets home it’s 50-50. That’s my take on it.
I was married for over 20 years, I worked TWO jobs (outside the home) while he worked only one job, and I had the same issue… My children’s stepfather never did anything with the kids when it came to anything outside the home. School events and running errands and taking kids to their sporting practices, etc etc. It broke us apart and we are divorced
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Your husband is the one who works, take care of finances quit complaining and be grateful.
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Well you say you4 relationship part is fine. Nope it is not because doing things together and family things together is also part of the relationship. Also if he has been this way from day one. Well question answered lol. Can’t teach a old dog new tricks. But if he has just started being this way like the last few years. You have more to worry about…
I would interview men to play the part on family activities. - someone you enjoy as company - of course no romantic involvement - family activities involve work on both parents - you are doing it all so hire someone and make it fun !!!
He only works 7 hrs a day !! NO excuses !!! My hubby is fast approaching 60. He works 10 hr days. 50-60 hrs a week. We are raising a 12 yr old special needs grandson. He does stuff w him. And helps w/ everything else, too.
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Men for the most part just don’t get it. A good one is a rarity. He probably won’t change unless he wants to. Will just have to live with it.
First of all I hope the business is in both names or you guys are married. Stop worrying about your husband. Keep tabs on the business. Make a date with your daughter to go somewhere on his day off ask him to go. he doesn’t go that’s fine. At least you asked… Start taking vacations with your daughter and going places with your friends. My husband didn’t want to do anything but work and go to the bar. My counselor suggested stop worrying about him and start going places with friends. I’m been alot of places and I had good times…Alot of good memories traveling with and without kids.
“It’s Just This Bit” is a pretty important part. Good luck to you. I have no advice because if he’s not been doing it chances are he won’t.
My dad did not do things with me and my mom. I have 1 memory of a 3 day weekend trip. It was good. No arguing.
I love him still & do treasure that memory. He was and is a loving dad.
Who’s the child again? Him or your daughter?
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My daughter its same like you her husband not help at all he’s not even pick up when he take a shower they have 2kids boy and a girl almost teens. And she’s like single mom that makes me 
.
Your own business and he starts at 10 and finish at 5 must be some business to be able to do a 7 hour day or 6 if there’s a lunch hour But if you, your partner and child are happy and content why change what works? You cannot force your partner to participate in days out if he doesn’t want to? He plays at home. Try to go away for a few days on your own and leave child and see how he gets on? Does he do wash up etc when you are away? If he doesn’t just charge the bussiness foe extra cleaning. There are a lot of unknowns is business in both names? Are both your names on bills?
I would do your own thing. He will eventually realize he messed up as his daughter grows older. Unfortunately we can let them know they are making mistakes but we can’t make them fix them 
you can let him know your doing things, ask him if he would like to go to leave it up to him but ultimately if it’s worse when he goes, just enjoy him not going. I know that’s what I do 
mine is not good to being in public he complains about people and sometimes makes a scene and being in the car with him sometimes 
he’s gotten better sometimes but for the most part he just would prefer to do his own thing or he’s at work/sleeping. I’m ok with that because he is a good provider and my kids don’t have some stranger raising them. Also never think it’s silly to want to do things as a family but if involving him in them makes it stressful
Your not silly by wanting these things.This is not a normal relation ship.If he loves you has to try harder.
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Your housework is also very hard work!!! Waked up…….and let him know is not to be continued the way it is.
Need to shared the duties and responsibilities……
I totally know how you feel it’s sad it mostly falls on us mom’s just talk to your hubby tell him how it makes you feel
I don’t think he respects your roll as a SAHM. He is the money maker pays for everything he doesn’t value your work at home. It is now expected not valued. You are the cook, maid and available for sex. Wake up call time. Get a job outside the home even part time. He can at least try come on! Something is not right.
To be honest some people (men AND women ) are just homebodies and dont always want to be out every time they are not working, like my husband who doesnt always want to be on the run all the time and sometimes for him the only day he gets off is a Sunday and most of the time he just wants to stay home which I get bc hes tired ! He works in a shop.
“Relationship wise we are fine” - not true - you are asking Facebook for advice - pull the pin on this guy
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I can speak to this as it reminded me of my previous relationship with my daughters father. He was the same way… he worked worked worked and I took care of everything else… I took the kids to all their sporting games, birthday parties and anything that had to do with them… he worked…… and he wasn’t really as outgoing as I was but the things that I wished he was apart of were not so much for me but for them. I felt like he was missing out on watching them grow up and being there when they may need him to. I also had it in my head that he just thought it was my job to do any and all things that pertained to our children’s happiness and confidence…he didn’t understand what he was missing…is what I thought. So I tried to include him anyway…I updated him daily with what we did….made sure our girls understood that he worked hard and he would be there if he could and I also made sure they knew it wasn’t a choice he had so they needed to make sure to fill him in on their activities and ask him how was his day and to check in on him and with him…faithful I remained up until my youngest daughter turned 10….I decided I didn’t want to do another 10 years like the last 10 and what type of example I was setting for my girls. Well I moved out and didn’t look back……I’m glad I didn’t marry him because I believe that when your married it different but that was my choice too…. I felt guilty for my choices in the beginning but I can see now why they were for the best….
…… Good Luck to you and your little one…remember anything worth having a worth fighting/working for…. Hang in there… k
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Maybe if you have your daughter make him written invitations maybe he will srart perticipating in her activities.
Maybe he was braught up in a family where his father did what hes doing with you.
HVe your daughter ask him to do things with her. Maybe he will change his mind.
Not a great situation on many points. Fast forward to when your child leaves home. What are you going to have in common?
Not fine if you don’t share in everything if he’s not happy something wrong need to talk to him or get counsler
I did it for 29 years. I finally left. He can only change himself but it can do a lot of damage to you both. You better than that.
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Shouldn’t have to entice him to doing family day or be with your child.
You wanna be a sahm and he makes all the money then let him be a man and you keep up with the house and kids. That’s your job in this type of relationship
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Everything is not fine in your marriage. You are accepting his behavior and allowing him to continue to make you cover for him. You deserve a partner who wants to play an active role as a father, husband and your best friend. Think about it.
Divoice is not an answer to anything.Three people get hurt. Especially the child.
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Never us see as a tool or a weapon. See is about connecting on an intimate level. He is an adult too. Not a child to be punished.
Doesn’t sound fine to me. I think he may resent being the only worker. Get a part time job doing something you like when you’re child is in school.
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Does he have social anxiety ? No excuse. does he go to family functions,?anything?
I am a working women.I was running the house , paying all Bill’s, educating our son etc etc.I was also doing the housework, cooking cleaning , laundry…we didn’t had a servant. My husband who was from a good cultured family was also working BUT he never gave money for house expenses.He never bothered about school fees. He never shared house work. I tried my best to discuss, and convince him.but he was stubborn. His only agenda was to enjoy life in his own style.Later I lost patience we started quarelling. He would leave the house after every time and come back after a few days .then it became weeks.later for months.I tolerated everything because I loved him and was unable to live without him.moreover our only son needed a father.conjugal life was zero.he was like a guest in the house. Finally one day he went out and didn’t return.without any reasons he left.by I was tired and stopped quarelling too.But still he left.I contacted him begged him to come back. All he said was , he was not happy with me.he was very comfortable outside !! I was forced to take care of my life and my 10 year old son.For none of my faults I was punished…
I was burdened with his huge debt too !
But I had hope in the form of my son and my spiritual practice.so slowly I took control of my life.My son was brilliant and too matured for his age. After nearly 16 years , My was a engineer with good income, we has a car , a own house.Again I requested my husband to come back , I wanted to arrange my sons marriage. My husband refused.Finally I lost patience and asked for divorce.He gave happily without protest. Two years after that my son was in America.I was living a peaceful life.Suddenly my husband was hospitalized. I went to see him.He said he wanted to come home.I said ok.but he didnt survive . I didnt mourn his death. Because he never loved me.he never cared for our son. Because he was bedridden and there was nobody to take care of him …he wanted my house my services…MEN !!!
Don’t wash his clothes or the dishes and plates he uses and he’ll realise soon enough
Relationship you are fine? I dont think so, but as long as you do thats what counts. I wonder though how long it will take you before your anger rises up. When your though letting him wipe his feet on you thats when things will change.
Family counseling ASAP. Before your daughter grows up and it’s too late for making FAMILY memories.