My real mom told me she was moving in with me and now I am stressed: Advice?

Tell her no.its up to you weather she moves in to your house not her.if you do not want her to say no if she comes anyway don’t let her in.i know she is your birth mom but she can’t be demanding things on you and forcing you to let her live with you.my birth parents help me more then adopted mom and honestly would never ask me to move in with me it would be the other way around lol.

Nobody would move in on me without planning.Learn the word NO.

You better stand up for what you want and needs of your family.

Say no . Your child will have a lot of issues with the change .

Just say NO…you have enough on your plate. You shouldn’t take Mom to raise. Whatever her situation is, it’s HER situation, not yours.

I’m trying to understand how she just told you what she was going to do - and as a grown person you just bent over and took it …? I noticed that you used the term “real” mom, so it appears that there are some other underlying issues not addressed in this post. It’s not fair to you or your children to have to house someone you don’t want to. Especially your autistic child. You have to stand up to her for your children’s sake … and yours. Otherwise you’re going to continue being unhappy and. Your mom will continue to run over you. Prayers for your family :purple_heart:

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Just say no. You can’t. This is not your problem.

She’s your birth mom yes, but she’s an adult, tell her she can take care of herself…

No is a full sentence

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She can’t tell you that. Tell he no! She can’t force you! Tell her If she tries without permission you will have the police escort her out.
You owe her nothing!!!
She sounds like a pushy, controling and will only use you.

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I’d be more upset that she didn’t even ask just announced it like she owns it (not sure but seems like she doesn’t?). Keep your head up. Everything happens for a reason and as they are meant to. In regards to your dryer, my hubby and I work appliance repair. If you’re able to pm then please pm me about it (if it’s not allowed then I don’t want to be in trouble nor you be in trouble only trying to help).

Honestly… I love my mom but I would tell her no. I’d say mom, you know I would do what i could to help u but u also know about my own personal mental health issues and I can not take on this extra stress and responsibility, I am sorry for your situation but this is still my house my home my kids and my pets, we are not going to flip out entire lives upside down with 2 weeks of notice. (did she even ask or did she just tell you?)

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Why is it that she decides that and it has to happen ?
I would say I’m sorry, I will try to help you with arrangements, but my house is not an option.

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Tell her to get her own home. U have to much n she doesn’t even talk to u about it like it mom shouldn’t be like that. Especially when u have special needs daughter.

I’m sorry…she told you she was moving in? The answer is:
Sorry mom, that isn’t going to work but thanks for the offer.
You are a full as grown up and your kids and yourself come first.
Anyone who TELLS you they are moving in to YOUR home, has zero respect for you and it will be your worst nightmare. That is a taker.

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You have to tell her what you just told us. If you can afford it, find a cheap hotel for a week and ask her to find other arrangements. I know this is easier said than done but you need to take care of you and your kids needs first.
This is your birth mother who placed you for adoption?

Just say No! It works for drugs, sex, and parents!!!

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You CAN say no. Never allow people to manipulate you into doing something you aren’t comfortable with. She was wrong to INFORM you and should have asked. Stand your ground. Sounds very overwhelming. Prayers

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Think of her as god sent she will help u with the children and house work ! Dont stress ! Just pray all goes well! Dont think negative think positive leave it in gods hands!

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Hunny, tell her no. If someone non related said “I’m moving in with you” would you react the same way and drop everything for them? Call her back and tell her you cant do it, she needs to make her own accommodations.

she didn’t raise u? I would be saying no

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She didn’t ask, and your spouse should have a say.

Nobody can move themselves into your home. Its simple. Say no. She doesn’t sound like a move person and she sounds like a user. Leave her be keep her out your life because it spells trouble. Keep her away from your family and happiness

Pray to God for guidance…trust me… had an issue come up and I’m not saying I am always thankful…but the next day issue already has resolve…

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People are not allowed to invade your home, regardless of genetics. If you’re uncomfortable (and rightfully so) tell her she needs to go elsewhere.

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She shouldn’t be telling you she is moving, she should be asking you if she can and with all that you have going on in your home you have every right to tell her no and if she loves you she should understand.

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Ummm… say no :woman_shrugging:t2::thinking:

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You could always say, “No.”

Regardless who it is, they should be asking not telling. If I were in your shoes, I’d offer to help find a place for her but wouldn’t let her stay. Those kinds of situations always turn out bad; in my opinion. Best of luck!

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It sounds like you do have plenty going on! Is your bio mom loving and offering financial and physical help with the kids and house work when she moves in or is she gonna be a demanding burden? If you have a good relationship than you ought to know her well enough to answer these questions! You should discuss rent and all the small details of her being in your home BEFORE SHE ARRIVES … it will just save a bunch of stress and heartache! Or just call and say NO!

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Was there a previous conversation about this or she just announces? That doesnt seem considerate. Could you have asked her to wait a
bit? Is the plan for her to help relieve your stress somewhat? I hope she is the helpful type and not just going to sit and not contribute some way.

That is not ok. Your house and you can say NO. She has not considered your feelings at all. Just tell her you can’t. I certainty would NOT move my daughter to accommodate her.

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Stand up for yourself and say no. Who cares if she gets upset. You should be upset that she just demanded it and didn’t ask

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Just tell her that this is not the right time right now …u have to much going on …maybe later on down the road but right now isn’t a good time to be moving in with u…that u need more time to get things straighten out on ur end

Can you say NO?!! Easy, N O, NO!!!

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You are an adult… say no…

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She TOLD you? Sorry, it doesn’t work like that. If she is not sick and elderly, then she can make other arrangements. Sounds like you already have enough on your plate. Just politely but FIRMLY tell her no, absolutely not, sorry.

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Tell her NO! SHE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY PERIOD! ! !

I’m gonna another “tell her no”. You are not a bad person for feeling this way and your kids are and should be your priority. Stand strong and food luck

You have to think about your kids first.
You are not doing wrong about your mother.
My own daughter n I can’t live together.
She did wrong on telling you she is moving in with you. It is your house not hers.
So I say stand your ground n tell her she can’t do it.
Good luck, n I will be praying for you and your family.

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I think it’s unanimous. Tell her no. Congratulations on getting married.

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Just say no. Put your kids first and say sorry mum but u can’t stay with us…tell.her ur concerns and how stressed you already are.

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People can’t just move into your house. Unless they’re your children.

Oh not good, at least for the moment. She has no right to dictate such a thing. A normal person would not tell you, they would ASK!

Girl. Tell her no.
You dont need a reason.
I have toxic parents, one of which has tried this shit with me more than once.
I have a whole family of my own to support, and even tho it might be hard to to, put your foot down and tell her NO!
Your mental health and sanity will thank you.

tell her you got alot on your plate sorry but cant move in, if she does move in giver a amount she has to pay you every month to live there,

Just be grown enough to tell her she can’t move in you do it now before she get here

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If you are going to have her move even though you feel like this look up rent laws in your area. We had people move in with us before and always had a notarized rent agreement made in case it did not work out. Sometimes it works out but in case it doesn’t this gives you a sure way to get your space back. Just make sure you look up eviction laws before they come so that you can be prepared. Hoping that all goes well for you but just remember, you don’t owe her anything. Your family comes first

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Grow a set and tell her no

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Your own family’s health come’s first…

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Mums are pretty good at fixing things her coming may take half the load off your plate.she will look after your daughter some and be able to cook and clean .it might be the blessing you need.she may not have been able to care for you in your childhood but can make it up now.could be hard to see if you are used to looking after yourself.time changes and so do people.best of luck to your family

No. You have 4 kids and 3 pets of your own. Especially bc she told you? No no no. She can find a place.

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Tell her no. You already have a family to worry about. Congrats on your upcoming marriage. Stay strong & hold firm. If she really loves you, she will understand

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Don’t let her in, its not her house its yours. Say no!

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No one gets to “TELL” you they are moving into YOUR home, even your mom…

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You will only be treated as badly as you allow yourself to be treated. You say NO repeatedly until she gets the message. Or you deserve the stress you have created for yourself.

It’s your house. Tell her she’s not moving in??

I wonder if i can just reverse this situation and tell my mom im moving in with 3 kids and 6 dogs ???

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Honestly I would have told her no thanks. Who the hell does that? Before she starts packing her things, tell her straight up. You do not want her moving in with you. You have no reason to explain why to her. That is your house, not hers. So she has no say what so ecer if she gets to move in or not.

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Grow a pair of tits and tell her no!!!

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Tell her no. That is absolutely a choice.

just be honest with her about what all is going in your life now and that you can’t handle any more stress at this time.

sounds to me that you just need to say; NO

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Tell her no. You are allowed to have limits

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I didnt read all of this but my question is she gave you notice she is moving in??? For her to do that you have to say yes! Remember that!

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Your not obligated to take care of her your kids come first

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Question if she doesn’t need help why is she moving in with you? Do you need the help? Autistic child, other child have needs of their own, 2 job, getting married? What does your soon to be hubby say? Make a deal she can stay for x amount of time in that time she has to find a job & help around your house. It may be a blessing for her to help but it might be a bad decision as well set boundaries!

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Nobody should be telling you they are moving in with u… if you aren’t wanting that you have to say this can’t happen yet. You can’t tell me when or if u are moving in. I have XYZ going in right now and this can’t happen. Your not a bar person, u have right to set a boundary and stick to it, u have the right to say no

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Um, mom or not, she can’t just tell you she is moving into your house.

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Grab life by the balls and say not in my world.

You are in control of yourself and seeking validation on Facebook isn’t what you should be focused on

First up she should be asking you not telling you. Secondly, unless she fits in properly with your autistic child it cannot happen. And you have no space, if she mucks in and helps you it’s not going to work.

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Wait… Why is she TELLING you? Tell her that she needs to find her own place. It’s your house and your family and kids come before her and her pets. If she can’t understand that, then it’s way more important to say “no” because that’s really toxic behavior.

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I dont think it was right to just invite herself to live with you and maybe you should address that
Definitely put some rules in place if you still allow her to come
Make sure you are the one in charge and not her
If she violates any of your house rules or her pets become unruly make it very clear theyd all need to find somewhere else to go
You are grown you owe her nothing so dont feel trapped in thinking you do

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Just say no and continue to love your life and children she’s to late it not her time it’s your children’s.xx

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She have YOU notice? It’s your home! YOU MAKE THOSE CALLS!

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I don’t know what the scenario is it might help but to be honest with you you don’t want her to just tell her no

Tell her she cannot live with you? If she isn’t paying your way she has no rights to your home.

My first reaction was wtf… but after thought… maybe she’s aware that you have so much going on and is trying to help? If she didn’t raise you, she might be trying to make up for whatever went wrong years ago and putting the effort in to help you… I don’t know… just communicate with her and find out her intentions and go from there :woman_shrugging:

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Tell her no. There are local shelters. Where was she when you needed help.

You can and should tell her NO!

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Was this discussed prior? Like was there an open door invitation put out there before she informed you? If you’re just overwhelmed but ok with it calm down and process it. You have alot going on. Maybe she could be of help? Just make sure everything is discussed prior to her moving in. (Deadline to move out ect) so there is no crossed wires.

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Just tell her NO!What is she going to do a out it!

It’s not your job to provide your able mother with a home, that was her job when she should have been raising you. She’s grown and should be able to take care of herself and if she can’t then that is her problem, not yours. I could understand if she was old or disabled but if she can make her own way in life that is what she should do and not depend on her child. Sounds like she’s using you.

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Um excuse me, she told you she’s moving in!? No no no, she needs to ask you if she can move in! Birth mother or not, good relationship or not. She can’t just tell you she’s moving in & expect you to just be okay with it!

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I will ask are you a adult??
And if so why is your birth mother telling ‘you’ she is moving in with you??? If anything, it would be telling her, if needed she could come live with you. But since that’s not the case, put those big girl panties on & tell her just what YOU want, & not want she wants !!

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Sounds like the conversation needs to be between you and your mother, not you and the internet.

Say to her hell no my house my rules find your own fucking place

Tell her politely NO!

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Wait!!! She told you she was moving in?? Was this an open type of invite or is she just intruding?

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It could be a blessing in disguise. Sounds like you could use some help… if not then tell her no.

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I would tell her you will let her stay one month then she needs to get a place of her own or move back what ever. If she ends up staying charge her 1/3 of all the household bills and assign her chores to make sure she pulls her weight. Truly I’d tell her this is not a good time and to find another place to stay, how does your SO feel about this? I wouldn’t let it start.

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That problly means she is not paying rent and bailing on her place

You don’t have to let her live with u it’s your house not hers she can’t just say that she’s moving in with u

If you have a good relationship she will understand. If not, it is better to see her true colors now then later.

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I know it’s easy to feel like you need to be there for everyone and be everything. But healthy boundaries are important. If this move will put you and even more importantly, your children (who only have you to set healthy boundaries for them) in a stressful or harmful situation, you might want to think about saying No and tell her this move is really not in your household’s best interest. I know that’s really hard to do, but learning how to say No is such an amazing thing to do for yourself and your kiddos. Just my thoughts of course.

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Tell her no. You don’t have to let someone force themself into your place. She will free load off you, ruin your relationship and suck you dry financially

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She your mom and she would let u need a place so I would let her move u don’t know how long she well be. In your life god let u keep her for so long and then he wants her back

A good mother would not do this to her daughter. That’s the bottom line. Say no. You’re a mom too & this rude inconvenience should not be dumped on you and it will severely impact you & your family. Your duty is to your family, not a mother who didn’t raise you.

Say no… that’s an option ya know.

As a mother of an autistic son I could not and would not ever make him give up his room for any one. That’s his own personal space. Speak up now and tell her how you feel. You are an adult and are allowed to say no to people and situations that jeopardise your happiness :heart: