My real mom told me she was moving in with me and now I am stressed: Advice?

Why is she telling you that she’s going to come live with you she should have had an invitation you need to tell her to back up

If you aren’t comfortable with it tell her no. You said you’re starting a second job, so unless she’s going to be a care giver when you’re at work I don’t see how it will help you. What does your future husband think about it?

Make her aware that you are not able to take care of her. That she will need to help financially and that this is for a short period only as you do not have the room for long term. It could help that she’s there but if it doesn’t do not be afraid to tell her to leave. You have to take care of the family you created first and foremost. She’s not your responsibility.

Tell her, “NO, THANK YOU.”

No, say no. The lady has plans that include your home and resources, but she is 100% not consulting her LIFE’S DECISION with you. Run!

No for me .You can’t move her in the house you don’t have the space and your mind don’t seem settled to me. Plus is not she alone. Plus you help financially and you going to get marry. My dear I think you some space for and your husband.

So she and you didn’t talk about this ahead of time? She didn’t ask you, she TOLD you? That is really bizarre. Where does she get off telling you that she is going to be moving in with you and in 2 weeks no less? You can make up your own mind, but if it were me, I would tell her that you are beyond stressed already and there simply isn’t enough room. And in the future, you would appreciate her asking for things instead of telling you things. If this creates a wedge between you, so be it. She is a grown woman. Unless she has severe mental or physical disabilities, she should be able to take care of herself.

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How long is she planning on staying is the REAL QUESTION :woman_shrugging:t4:

I’m sorry who just states they are moving in with someone. That’s absurd. I’d tell her sorry but you sure as hell are not.

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I am sorry but she did not raise you but wants to to take care of her now you must be honest with your self You have a new beginning in a month and you don’t need your mother in the centre don’t let her try change your mind but don’t take her in you will be much happier.

Can’t you say no? You really need to :heart:

Save yourself years of stress and say no
By your own admission you have a lot on your plate so why are putting more so you know what to do

Establish boundaries, and tell her NO. You have the right to say no to anything that doesn’t work for you, or you simply do not want to do. You are a grown ass woman, and you have the right to roar, bitch! She doesn’t run your life, and she doesn’t just get to say, I’m moving in with you. She doesn’t have the right to disrupt your whole life like that.

Um no way !!! Your gonna have a break down … And you see it coming !!!

Don’t kid yourself. If she didn’t raise you then she is using you. She can get a job and live on her own. I’m at an age that I might have to move to some kind of a home, but not with any of my children if I can help it. Say no

tell her NO. Help her find her own apartment. BUT don’t let her stay with you. You have your own life and problems. She will compound them. For the sake of your children, tell her NO.

Nah, babes. Time for her to deal with her own shit as you have been doing your. Fuck the guilt trip. Just imagine the relief you will feel after having told her Nope!?

Tell her no,help her find her own place!

sorry not sorry, but idc who it is, they are not TELLING me they’re moving in MY home.

U can’t start a marriage with children that aren’t his and ur mother and a job and pets! It will never work!

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There’s a great word, it starts with N and it ends with O.

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First of all, mother or not, you are a grown woman. Nobody can tell you they are moving in with you, and she has dogs, too. Does she have some rent money, grocery money, dog food money? If the roles were reversed, she would require those things of you. Shoot, my mother had to go talk to her husband before I could live with you. You are about to get married. Instead of asking us, you should talk to your spouse.

I hope I didn’t sound too harsh, but it grinds me gears when mothers try to live off of their children and she didn’t even raise you. No ma’am.

She is a grown woman and should be able to take care of herself. She didn’t take care of you

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She can help you. Its a good thing

I must be missing something, it’s your home, tell her no. You owe her nothing.

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As long as she knows she is doing all the housework, cooking and babysitting until she gets a couple jobs to get her own place. You need to remind her you aren’t taking care of her, she needs to be helping you.

It would be different if she raised you considering that she’s your mother, but she didnt. You don’t owe her anything. Where was she when you needed her from birth to 18 years of age. I say no. Tell her you can’t do it just like she couldn’t.

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It may hurt but you’ve got to straight up tell her.No!! You simply have too much.on your plate and you don’t have the.room for her to move in does she really need to move in with you? Seriously dont stress.its a given she cant.move in with you.at thisntime so.just tell her dont hold off.itll only.make matters worse good luck

Maybe she will move in and surprise you and be the support system you need sis!! She was never their to raise you so maybe she will give to your children what she didnt give you, only you can be the judge of that. You have to set healthy boundaries and discuss with her your expectations and what you need. Let her know you love her and your willing to try but your peace and happiness will not be compromised even for her. She is your mother yes but you have your own life now and you dont owe her anything. Be transparent sis! Speak your mind and search your heart and keep it 1,000 with yourself about how you feel and give her a time limit to move out. Best of luck to you :yellow_heart:

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tell her to fuck off

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Wow…who does that? You don’t just TELL someone that you are moving yourself into their home. Just be up front with her and tell her that you have more than enough going on in your life right now. And, no, don’t let her stay with you “until she can find her own place.” Because it will never happen. Help her find a place BEFORE she arrives.

Uh ya “no”
Dont feel guilty for her.

First of all, no one just invites themselves to live with you. Tell her no, biological mother or not. You already have enough issues of your own and she would just be adding to the problem. Be strong for the family that you have now. Dont put unwanted stress on them. I know someone dealing with this and it has become a big mess.

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Um nope. I’d be calling her back and telling her to find a hotel or something. Heck, screenshot your question with everything in it and send it to her. If you have to make sure all the locks are set so she can’t come in unless she wants to be arrested for breaking and entering.
Sorry, but that’s a controlling situation and she needs to wake up. You do you and she can go elsewhere if she can’t be understanding and helpful.

I must have missed something, did you invite her to me moving with you or she invited herself to move in with you? If it’s the latter, then I don’t understand why you couldn’t tell her at that time, it was not a good idea for her to move in???

No is a complete sentence. Set a boundary and stick with it

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Now why would she just say she is moving in with you she’s supposed to ask and if you cannot you cannot you have your own life to live

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Wow does any of your fan questions ever not have so many different fucked up aspects of their situation? My answer to this question with the amount of problems this woman has? Is to just tell Mom to get fucked and she ain’t moving in.

If you have a good relationship, then you just have to say NO and she has to understand. If she is still young she should be getting a job and a home of her own. Not adding to your stress.

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Seriously a mother that never ever raised you? Wants you to now take care of her! Is this really even a valid question?

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I don’t think she is allowed to make the decision to move in with you without your consent. Maybe she could move nearby in her own place ?

No it is not your job to accommodate her. Ring her up and say NO

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Are are you stupid? :roll_eyes:

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Moving in to YOUR home is NOT HER decision.

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Tell that bitch to kick rocks and live under a bridge

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No you don’t. Tell her no.

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Haha I would laugh at my real mother. Mine didn’t raise me and still refuses to claim me and my brother and our kids. I’d tell her to :fu: off.

It’s ok to say no… simple as that. You have enough on your hands.

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Tell her no.
Let her call the shots now and it’ll be worse when she’s with you.

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Sorry this is where you need to stand up for yourself and tell her she isnt moving in and she has to find somewhere else. You are a grown women with your own family and you and your kids come first.

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Mine asked me before moving in. We had the room for it. Wasn’t happy about brothers and nephew staying as they have sticky fingers, even when item or money belongs to a child they don’t care. I wound up evicting her months later when she kept letting them in my house.

It is ok to say no, it is ok to do what is best for you.

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Nope your place not hers you already have a mother shes not it

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It took me 33 years to tell my bio mom NO (who didn’t raise me either) and it was the best decision I ever made. You have to stand up for yourself and put your kids first she obviously doesn’t know what that’s like! Js

Simple. Tell her no.

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A person doesn’t TELL you they’re moving in with you, they ask. Your mother should have done that. Now it’s time for you to let her know your situation. You seem like you’re willing to help her, but she can’t live with you. Tell her that.

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Tell her that’s it’s not good for her to move in .You have 3 special. need children and animals of your on. Just tell her that’s it’s too much for you .Be honest. She will get over it .

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Nope… i love my mom but she aint ever living with me. I can handle a visit now and again… of it stresses you out. Nope. Tell her no. Your home your rules.

PRAY PRAY PRAY but no you are not a bad person if you invited your mom to come live with you that’s one thing but no one not even your parents can invite themselves into your home. Stand up for yourself say what you feel and mean what you say this is not wrong stress will kill you seriously!!!

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I could not, under any circumstances have my mother live with me. My peace and sanity is priceless.

Tell her no. You have no obligation to her at all if she did not raise your tell her tough your kids and stuff come first.

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Ummm No Fucken way!! Do Not put the needs of your Autistic child aside because your EggDonor wants to use you for somewhere to live!! NO NO NO NO!!
Red Flag!! Do not allow anyone to treat you that way, especially the woman who abandoned you and is using you! She will not leave your home once she moves in, She is a moocher, a freeloader who has every intention of squeezing and bleeding you dry, for her own personal gain, and. Please think of the effects her behaviour will have on your daughter, by exposing her to this type of arseholery behaviour. You deserve better treatment say No!!
Plus Autistic kids have enougg struggles with change in routine, let alone adding another 3 pets and a stranger coming to live with you!
Do NOT Make your Autistic daughter give up her bedroom! That is her safe place when she is overwhelmed, and she will struggle immensely with Sensory overload with all these changes.
My daughter is ASD level 2…

You need to take care of yourself first so you can take care of your children. Don’t feel you are required to let her move in just because she’s your birth mother. Anyone that loves you and has your best interest at heart would understand and should be there to HELP YOU not themselves. She’s a big girl and will find something. Don’t let her make you feel guilty.

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You should request financial help, rent and assistance in all other places. Baby sitting, laundry, cooking. If she is there she needs to partake. I hope you helped at home but she wouldn’t know because you didn’t,t live together. You might sit and talk and find out how long she is expecting to be there. Set a limit if you find it necessary.

Just say NO and don’t 2nd guess it

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You are not a bad person! TELL HER NO!!!

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My mother did not raise me. I wish she would call me up saying she was moving in. I would tell her to hell to tha NO! I don’t care who you are. You don’t just up and tell someone you are moving in to their home. That is a LONG discussion that should start with a question…not a demand. Your first obligation is to your children. Secondly, I’m curious, how does your fiancee feel about this? There is way too much on your shoulders right now. I have a feeling if you allow her to move in, your relationship will suffer. I wouldn’t do this AT ALL! And no, you’re not a bad person for not was wanting her to move in.

As a mom be honest with her and if she does not respect your feelings then she is not worth the time or trouble I have not always had the best relationship with my daughter but I would always respect her wishes and love and support her decision even if I did not like it and if your mom loves you like she should then she will respect yours as well

Tell her NO. Don’t have to explain why. Simple and easy.

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Just tell her its not good timing, too much going on. She’ll have to find her own place or stay put til you feel ready. If she doesn’t understand then how good is your relationship really? She should understand her arrival will add stress n pressure you can’t deal with right now.

Just say no shes takeing advantage to much on your plate. She has no right to tell you anything

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Just tell her no she can’t. Your in charge of your own home you can say who stays and who doesn’t

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Tell her to wait till there is an apartment or house she can rent! She evidently wants you to take care of her! You owe her nothing

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that’s insane cut yourself a break , I’d tell your mom there’s just no way you can have another person living with you , sounds like she needs to grow up

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No one just moves In. She asks and you say it’s not possible. No guilty conscience you have to think of yourself and your children.

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Excuse me but she can’t just move herself in… you stand up and say no you can’t and that’s it! What a rude person!

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Girl, why is she informing you. It is called you letting her. Nope nope and hell nope

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Tell her no! Your house, your life, your choice! Giving birth to you does not give her automatic entitlement

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Ummm. No. Don’t let her manipulate you. Your own family comes first. If it disrupts them, she can’t come. Period.

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Did you ever learn to say the word NO
With the children you have enough to do so say sorry but NO
This may be the woman that gave birth to you however she has no rights she didn’t do any more than that
Your responsibilities are to your children something she didn’t accept . Say sorry but NO

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How she gave you a 2 week notice she was moving in. How bout you give her a 2 week notice of umm no your not. Pretty ballsy if you ask me. That would be a hard no. She shouldn’t be telling you anything. How old are you. Grow some girl.

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So you’re saying that she gave you two weeks notice that she is moving into your home?unless she has some extenuating circumstances like she’s getting kicked out of her house, then absolutely not.You are a grown woman in control of your own home your mother give life is also a grown woman in charge of herself in her finances don’t let her guilt trip you in to mooching off of you. seems like an awfully big coincidence that right when you’re about to get married she wants to just up and move in. If she is getting kicked out of her home then offer hurry cot in the garage until she can make better arrangements. make it as uncomfortable as humanly possible. let her know flat out that you have a lot on your table on this is the least convenient time in the world for you and that she has to find a home of her own ASAP.

First off BREATHE, The only thing to worry about are the things you control, the rest is just a ride (sometimes hang on, other times grab it and solve it). You are an adult and time to say enough when it’s too much. Unless mom is coming to help you, tell her no. If she’s getting kicked out of her place, tell her to find a couch local or women’s shelter. You don’t have a responsibility to her, she gave that up when she let go of you. I’m glad you have a good relationship with her but that’s all moot when it comes to moving in without an invite. DO NOT LET HER USE YOU, she’s an adult time for her to figure it out. Congrats on your wedding and new job …tell her it’s bad timing and move on. She’s not worth upsetting your life, she needs to stay were she is.

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Boundaries! A hard lesson for us but so necessary. Draw your line in the sand

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Do not let her tell you anything at all!!! She was disrespectful to do that.

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Just because ye get along doesn’t mean she has the right to move herself in, u have kids to put before anyone and only you can make that decision on whether she moves in or not , best of luck on whatever you decide to do

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She decided she’s moving in with you? We’re you ok with this? Someone can’t just deiced something like that without talking to you and getting your approval first.

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Tell your birth mom she can not move in.You have to not let her stress you out more.Not right of her.Think of yourself and your children.Tell her you do not have room that is the truth

She did not taking care of you as your mother, and now she give you just a notice and you accept? Do not let people no matter who they are take advantage of you. She give birth to you but that is all, with four children you know what mother is and she was not mother to you when you need it, but your children need you and foxus on that and nothing more

She told you she’s moving in? I believe she’s overstepping some very important boundaries. Adding her and her pets to your household sounds like a recipe for chaos, especially for your autistic daughter. Transitions are so difficult and asking her to give up her “safe space” is going to send her into a tail spin. Your other children will suffer as well in so many ways. You need to have a talk with her immediately! You need to set realistic boundaries that don’t turn your life and your children’s lives upside down. Be firm. Why is she moving in with you? I seriously hope you are not having feelings of guilt or obligation here. Remember, her not raising you was her choice not yours. You were and are an innocent in this situation. Don’t turn your family into victim’s trying to please your birth mother.

Bring to nearest homeless shelter…in your town…

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Sorry but it’d be a NO for me. Im not sure why she feels its her place to say that she’s moving in but put your foot down. Sounds like this will cause so many problems. Think about your family!

she should get her own place. parents should never live with their unless they are sick or disabled. hope she let’s u runs your own house your way.

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You owe her nothing. Tell her no. If your stressed now imagine how your children with additional needs will be. Just say no

You may find living with her will change your relationship as have you ever before? Also I’d say no.

This is not going to end well…make other arrangements.

You sound like a child!! First of all it’s easy YOU SAY NO!! Second of all why are you turning to others to make yourself feel better?

Say no and make your life simpler

You need boundaries.

Just say you have a lot of running around doing things for your big daxy