As far as I know ancestory dna only shows your heritage it’s not going to tell him whether or not he has his dads dna or yours for that matter unless he took a sample from each of you so as long as your genetics are even remotely close to the assaulter I would say your in the clear. If you never intended on telling him and he didn’t deal well with his friends being assaulted I really wouldn’t tell him. He may blame himself and it may be too much of a cross for him to bear. I know someone who found out he was the product of an assault and he couldn’t cope he blamed himself and even after therapy unfortunately ended up taking his own life.
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As you & your husband never did a paternity test, what if your husband is really his father… then there will be nothing to tell. Don’t jump the gun
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Considering your son is 24? years old I’d imagine he’s mature enough to understand what happened
But at the same time, he may come to believe that his birth was a mistake; he’s going to find out one way or another; might as well hear it from the parents first rather than some dna test
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He so does not need to know he was born from an assault as long as no other soul on the planet knows about your secret. Although all secrets eventually comes out. Just tell him you were with someone at a very young age and had him - it’s not a lie, just not the whole truth.
Keep the love and support around him for him towards him because as soon as he loses all that there’s a slight chance his dorment nature will come out eventually “assaulting someone else”. Remember that he was born from an unloved unwanted unwelcomed baby creation so he would inherit all of it. It is the network around him that’s helping him.
I think it would hurt him more that you didn’t tell him. Be open and honest.
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You need to tell him the truth! If he finds out you have lied it will be much worse!
He is very loved & he will know that
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Telling him the truth is best. He needs to know that the man who raised him will always love him. He needs to know that the same man stood by your side when you were going through a very hard time emotionally and physically. Love comes from within and you showed that love by raising him.
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You have to tell him. Not only would it crush his heart that he believed all this time he was your guys kid. Then to find out on top of it the reason your mother gave you was a lie? That’s not gonna end well. Just tell the truth and make sure he knows it won’t change how anyone feels about him
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The truth will set you free. Dont put an lie on top of a lie. It will catch up I promise you.
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I advocated for a young man who was a product of rape. He had a bad home life… And that mom reminded him daily that his father was evil and she’d say things like “you’re going to be just like your daddy”. Guess what… He’s just like him… Even though many, many people and agencies tried to intervene and help him. I even got him placed in my mother’s home as a foster child.
I also happen to be a rape survivor. Here’s what I know… You experienced an awful, traumatic event and you probably looked at your baby and wondered if he was going to be anything like the man that raped you when he grew up. In the ongoing debate of nature versus nurture, it sounds like nurture won.
If your son sends that DNA off, it’s not a matter of if… It’s a matter of when he finds out.
So… For the rest of your life… Do you want your son to look at you and think you’re a liar and doubt you? Or do you want your son to look at you and see the strength of a survivor?
You don’t have to give him details… But if you don’t tell him it was nonconsensual, he may go looking for his genetic sperm donor.
Whatever you do… You need to first point out all of the wonderful things about your son that are not affiliated with his looks or genetics… Is he kind? Is he smart? Does he have a big heart? Generous? All of the things that you and your husband nurtured into him.
I think your husband needs to be part of this. And it needs to be clear…
I was young. I was raped. This is something that was done to me, without my consent. Your father and I were dating. He helped me get through the trauma. We were in love and that love built a foundation for (what at least sounds like) a beautiful life. I found out I was pregnant and we got married, created a family, and built a life. You were always wanted and always loved.
I don’t envy you in this really hard moment. But… From survivor to survivor… You and my former client did something I could’ve never done, but you’re two very different examples of how it turns out.
As for you momma… Have you had therapy for this? Because you use the word “assaulted”… And for some reason, that sounds like politeness. Our laws to like to use polite language… So I get it in the legal sense. Maybe I’m just not refined enough… But I can’t help it… Does calling it assault make it and easier pill to swallow? I was not assaulted… I was RAPED. All of us, who didn’t consent… We were RAPED… By RAPISTS! My rapist was also an older man… White… Married for 40 years… A bunch of grown kids… Grandfather to twice as many… Owned a successful company… Well known and well liked in the community. But he still took a 17 year old girl out in a corn field, held her against her will and RAPED her repeatedly over a four hour period. He wasn’t my assaulter. He was my RAPIST.
Love your child… But don’t make it sound like it was something little that happened. You must have a good husband… But you were young… And I just can’t help but to hear the trauma behind your polite words. Please… If you never have… Talk to a therapist.
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Honestly, I think you and your husband should come clean to him about it and look into counseling for him and as a family to learn how to cope with this.
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Lying is never a good thing
Truth is always the best way.
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Truth always no matter how hard because lies always come out and just not right. Be truthful and honest it will hurt but much less than a lie.
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If it came back that he doesn’t belong to your husband and If you told him you cheated then what happens if he decides to want to meet the person who assaulted you and be in his life as well. I would be 
percent honest with him 
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I would be honest but your husband (his dad) will always be his dad. No matter what!!!
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You loved him enough to keep him so love him enough to tell him
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He’ll be hurt, but he needs to know. Also, wait to see what DNA results show.
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The truth no matter how hard it may be is always the best.
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whatever u do don’t ever lie to ur child it will bite u in the ass trust me I have been there u don’t want to lie honesty is the best policy
Tell him now befor he finds out the truth and get ahead of it. Support him either way and let him know both of you love him and want him in your lives
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The truth will set you free. He will appreciate the hard honesty.
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I agree with most people. Tell him the truth. I’m sure he will understand why it was so difficult for you to tell him, maybe not at first but eventually. Also are you 100% that your husband isn’t actually is father? Maybe figure that out before addressing anything? Also I would talk to a therapist about the best way to go about the situation before telling him, I’m sure they will
Give you some good advice. Good luck mama, this is a tough one 
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Don’t lie to him it will make it worse. If he thinks you cheated he’s going to want a name to meet his bio dad. He may be upset but also he will know you truly love him. You both kept him and loved him and never made him feel like you regretted him. He might be hurt and upset at first but he will be ok.
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The truth is better than any lie. You have obviously raised a loving and caring young man. It might hurt him but will respect you and your husband.
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In my opinion, you need to tell him the truth. If he questions it, tell him and explain you didn’t know and you weren’t interested in finding out. He has a dad and that test doesn’t change that.
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If u tell him u cheated, he will feel worse off, he culd grow resent for u…dont do that.
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Never lie and never lie! I would be more hurt from you lying to me.
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Tell him the truth… imagine him trying to actually find the pos ??
All the best hun
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Don’t cover the truth with a lie. Either will hurt, so let it be the truth. You are anticipating how he will react, he might surprise you. A dad is that one who raises and take care of his child, not the one that conceives.
Please dont lie to him that is the worst thing .
I would tell the truth. Sending prayers girl. Thats hard to carry that worry 
The truth is always best, and no matter how he was conceived, he was kept and loved his whole life…he still is a precious gift from God.
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In my opinion, I would want him to know the truth so he can avoid the monster who assaulted you & his family plus maybe choose to keep his online DNA profile private. Honestly, this DNA test is about to unravel a whole lot of questions by him once he starts being connected with potential relations who have also done the testing and they will begin asking questions. It will be a hot mess. Lying to him will go all wrong at some point and you will end up having to tell him the truth. He deserves the truth at this point.
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Truth always wins my brother found out about his biological father from my mom she asked if he wanted his name changed to his father slats name because he was going to Vietnam in case he didn’t make it home he said no I know who’s I am I am a child of the King what is in a name it’s just a name!
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Only be honest, you can wait for the results or let his father talk to him. Pray for guidance but be straight forward and honest
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tell him the truth, that he was a gift! that some gifts are planned , others are not. .
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Why in the Hell would you continue to lie to your son? Don’t you know that Lieing to once was bad enough! If he is old enough to take the test then he is old enough to sit down and hear trueth being told to him, Deceptions after Deceptions isnt a good thing. You should have learned that along time ago! Tell that Boy the trueth! He’s going to find out anyway! Then what lie you are going to tell them. The trueth hurts way less than a lie!
I would tell the truth. Adding that any horrific experience doesn’t have to destroy a person and that you yourself and your husband are that example
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Don’t lie, he will HATE you for that. Be honest, and he will understand cuz his friends with through it.
Well first of all you need to do a DNA test. Cuz hubby can be the dad since you don’t know who the father is.
Tell him the truth and tell him how much he is still loved maybe he isnt from the monster either way he is a gift to you and your husband and loved by you both and you wouldn’t change a thing obviously or you would have gotten rid of him or gotten a dna test when he was born. It just proves love is stronger than hate and ugliness.
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Don’t those ancestry kits just give you percentages of where your blood traces? I don’t think they name any specific person as relatives.
Just be honest. Also ur husband is his true husband. Dad must have done alot right. He loves his son and the child really loves him. He’s had a good life.
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If he finds out, I would tell him the truth!!!
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Wait to see if he finds out first, If he does tell him the truth for sure. He’s 24, if you lie to him chances are he’s going to go out looking for his biological father.
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Always tell the truth!!! Have faith and trust and most of all prayers!!! With love and support you all can over come this
You need to tell him before that test comes back.
Tell him the truth. Explain that you and his dad (your husband) loved him from the start even he was from a horrible situation. That y’all as his parents saw him as a blessing. And your husband is a good man. Any man can be a dad it takes a real man to be a father. Prayers for u and your family but maybe this helps u
Babes… don’t tell unless you want to.
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My oldest daughter is the result of an assault. she’s 3 right now, so I’m not in a position to have to tell her. But i know one day i will have to. She’ll eventually figure out that I had her before I met her dad. and while I don’t 100% know how I’ll tell her. But, I do know that I’ll tell her the truth. Because she deserves the truth from me always, even when it’s hard.
I see people saying don’t tell him unless he finds out, and I can’t tell you if that is right or wrong. But I definitely believe saying you cheated is the wrong thing to do, because that will hurt him far more, especially being so close to his dad as he is. And, if he ever found out the truth in the future, it could be more crushing.
You have to trust that you raised him good, he will be sad and hurt, because he loves you. But it won’t destroy him. Offer—if it isn’t too much for you—to let him come to you with his feelings and be a support for him while her comes to terms.
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Don’t lie. Be truthful
The truth always works best
Don’t compound with another lie
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If he asks be honest with him. He may surprise you and just let it be
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If he asks questions tell him the truth. Don’t become a victim of this once again, this is not your fault. You are so strong and amazing for bringing him into the world after something so terrible happened. I don’t know if I could’ve done that. It may be hard for him at first but it will get better.
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Tell him the truth
Don’t lie to him further. The truth will have him angry and broken for you… not at you like the lie. Give him the chance to have compassion for his mom, who clearly has been through some stuff.
If the results come back to not being the husbands child, be honest. He will have lots of questions and may starting poking around messaging people. The last thing you want him to do is find out the truth from someone other than you.
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The true, while heavy, is always better
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Do not LIE The truth may hurt but at least it’s the truth and it’s not his fault or your fault it won’t prove to him just tell much his dad and you really love him because you’ve raised him to be a very loving caring man
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My son came from me being assaulted and I am afraid of him finding out: Advice?
Don’t lie to him. Just tell him the truth. There’s no point in making it worse because you get caught up in lies. Sending you prayers I hope things go well for you
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Don’t lie. He may have been conceived through and assault but he was born and raised in love.
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The truth always comes out. Tell the truth
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You guys loved him all those years, I feel that will out weigh what you kept from him (only to protect him). He’ll understand
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The truth. Maybe in a letter so he can read it and stop every few minutes to process his feelings and he can be in a comfortable space alone.
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Honestly is the best policy. He’d probably be pissed if he found out from another source.
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Dont lie worst thing u could ever do. He is old enough to know. He may get upset but better then living a lie.
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Please be honest with him. He is by far old enough to understand and the truth though may upset him lying about cheating is worse. Imo.
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I can only speak for me but being a product of a women who was a child and a man who was a pedophile it doesn’t change the way that I look at my mom it never has and it never will maybe you should tell him though before he finds out on his own don’t tell him you cheated when you didn’t and is there a chance he is your husbands because you could be freaking out for no reason
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I’m so sorry this happened ,this is a hard one to say what’s the right thing to do . Lying is never the answer to any situation but I totally understand your reasoning. I wish I had better advice for your hunny . Good luck and prayers with your situation . I know you will do the right thing .
Tell him the truth. Hes 24 so hes old enough to hear the truth. I imagine he may have resentment if you said that you were young and cheated and he never got to know his biological father.
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I think he deserves to know the truth he’s old enough to understand now
Be honest with him, and keep lines of communication open. Find a family therapist to work through it together and make it clear that you don’t blame him or love him any less for what happened.
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Truth is allways best ,your son deserves that
Always be honest with your kids even the really really hard stuff. Keeping it from him is one thing but finding out later that you were flat out lied to would be devastating.
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I would not lie. If you say you cheated, he may one day want to reach out to that man.
Tell him what happened to you, and that even though something bad happened to you… something good came out of it… him. You tell him you’ve loved him from the second you found out about him and couldn’t imagine a life without him.
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Take some time to process and thinks a d write down what you want to say and tell him and then both pick a time good for yall. Let him ask questions and comments. But you and your husband loved him and thats what matters. It’s going to hurt him but he will thank you in the end. Just be open and honest. It will hurt but yall got this!!!
Those kits can link you with relatives if they or their other relatives have been tested. If you don’t tell the truth and he somehow gets linked with bio father, things could get even messier. Tell the truth.
I’m sorry.
Tell him the truth. Be there as a United front for support. I think after the shock he will be so thankful that you both chose to love him and give him normalcy. He’s an adult now, and should be able to process it all just fine.
Has your husband or any close family members also done the ancestry DNA kit? Because if not then he’ll have nothing to compare his results to and therefore it will simply show HIS results - also my sister and I both have done the ancestry DNA kit and came up with different Ethnic backgrounds - different percentages of nationality from each other and also different what we thought. For example, we know our great grandparents came from Italy and I came up as 2% Italian and much more of other nationalities – I don’t think those tests or 100% accurate.
the truth is always best. he is old enough to understand now. I’m sorry this happened to you
I’d always rather know the truth even if it hurts
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This is a difficult one but I think honesty is the best way to go. Better he know how much he was wanted and love by you both unwavering from the circumstance of his creation, than to harbor any resentment should he really find out the truth later. At 24 years old he is probably mature enough to to understand horrible thing happen to good people. Personal growth is about acceptance or things unexpected and unpleasent.
I would tell him that you wanted him. He was meant to be in this world. Things happen that we can’t understand but his biological father is not him. He is his own person and is very very loved. The dad who raised him is and always will be his dad. At a younger age you wanted to protect him. Now, he is old enough to understand that life can be complicated and still turn out to be beautiful.
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Tell him the truth, but also remind him how Mich you and your husband bot LOVE him dearly. Your hubby had been a father to him since before he was born
Well. Its time. Just tell him the truth. He might be angry with you, he might not want to talk to you for a bit. But It would be worse if he he finds out on his own.
You’ll get past this though, and so will he.
Also DO NOT tell him you cheated, that would probably be worse. He might resent you even more.
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He should know how BRAVE and how loving his Mother is! You survived an assault and instead of aborting him you saw hope. That’s your baby. It doesn’t matter how he came in to this world what matters is how much he’s loved. I strongly suggest family therapy. If it were me I think I’d be more upset about being lied too. Have a therapist help ease in to the truth. It was probably traumatizing for you as well and to hold a secret like this forever is just mentally overwhelming. Please get help for you and your family.
I also think tell him the truth! Do not tell him that you cheated when you didn’t.
The truth is always better than a lie. Why would you cover for your assailant - that’s not ok. You reinforce his belief systems that yes it’s a horrible thing that happened - but beauty can emerge even in tragedy. Don’t lie to that boy - just tell him that it’s something you wanted to protect him from and you knew the day would come that you had to have this hard conversation.
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Those tests do not tell you your paternaty just what nationality you are like English or German but you should still sit him down and tell him
I lean how much you both love him
Please be honest with him
Never lie to a child no matter how old they are. They will find out the truth.
Don’t lie to your kid…
I think it would be more meaningful to tell him the truth. The fact your husband stayed and raised him speaks wonders.
So tell the truth. Tell him the chances it might not come back as he thought and this is why. He may feel crushed
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The DNA kit don’t tell you much honestly. May link to certain relatives but mostly 3rd cousins and on that it will link you too. Most don’t have same last name anyways if you didn’t want to tell him the truth, don’t. If you feel he should know then tell him. Hopefully you decide what’s best for your family.
The truth! As hard as it may be, he will appreciate the truth more than lies! Prayers 