It will show no paternal lines for your husband. He will ask questions. My son is also in the same boat. Since i gave him up for adoption, i told him the story. I also said he probably has siblings out there and he should get to know them. They didn’t Assult me. And i asked if i could use his Dna to press charges. I have 1 year to press charges . He said yes. Turns out, his BF killed himself.
But my son was angry for a few weeks. But he processed it well.
Yes he’s gonna be angry, but remind him that the man he calls dad is HIS father. Loved him as his own. Be honest snd hold him tight.
Don’t cover a lie with another lie. Speak the truth. It may hurt but recovering from the truth is easier than recovering from a lie.
The truth is always best
Tell him the truth. I was lied to and it screwed me up
Tell him the truth… I just got my ancestry DNA results back and found out my dad isn’t my real dad… But my mother is now deceased and I wish nothing but to be able to ask her the truth and why she lied to me my whole life.
Truth is always better
Don’t lie. Always be honest with your children.
Being accosted is nothing to be ashamed about! You are a woman of incredible strength to go through with your pregnancy, raise him with a wonderful man and I’m sure have done a wonderful job. I think it would be best to be honest and just support him. Bruised integrity will only be temporary and knowing that he feels compassion for his female friends who have gone through similar he will most likely have such a deep appreciation. You’re still his Mama and he loves you
I dont think it will expose anything honestly.
He deserves to know the truth…
There is nothing to fear but fear itself. Sounds simple but the truth is fear is the destroyer. What ever you do trust your son don’t lie to him. What happened to you was not your fault. What you chose to do after was your choice and you chose life. Not everyone can. It’s a difficult choice but I’m so glad that you did. It might be hard for your son to hear the truth but it will hurt more if you lie to him and he finds out later. Let him know that his life was a choice of love that you and your husband made and never regretted. That you both love him more than words can express. That’s the truth. THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE.
He deserves the truth. He’s already looking into it, you don’t want him to find out his real father is out there and starts looking for him not knowing what he did to you and creates a bond with him. Might not happen, but life sometimes throws you a curve ball.
Never lie no matter how much the truth hurts. You can’t respect someone who lies to you.
Don’t lie to him. Tell him the truth.
You gotta tell him the truth. At this point he is going to find out. Remind him you love him, but you didn’t want this burden on him. You and your husband surrounded him with love. I hope this lie doesn’t push him away
He deserves to know the truth no matter what! What’s hidden in the dark always comes to the light!
Truthful is the only way
He may be upset but he will adapt. Leave the door open for discussion
If you don’t tell him the truth he may want to contact his biological father. I think you should let your husband tell him. The truth is out now.
Tell him the truth. It will hurt and be hard to hear and say. But the truth is best.
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Tell him the truth, apologize for not telling him sooner. Express all the complicated emotions and decisions you and your husband have made.
Remind him you BOTH are on his team, wanting the best for him above all and that at the time, you thought it was best for everyone involved. If it was anyone else, I would say that you shouldn’t have to explain yourself but I think you “owe” it to him because he’s not just anybody.
Everyone deals with pain differently so it’s probably good to think about family therapy, but your son sounds compassionate based on his reaction to his friend’s assaults and I think he’ll come around to seeing how brave and loving you have been and how honorable and amazing his dad is.
When he comes down he’ll take what you went through, your age and all other details you share into consideration for your timing but he might feel different about himself and should probably get professional help to deal with that before that sneaks up on him.
I think telling him the truth will only bring you all closer in the end. He is old enough to understand and respect you. He will see how strong, accepting and loving you were. It will be a shock for sure, but give him more credit. He’s not a child or even an immature teenager anymore. You need to clear your conscience and move forward. It will be okay. No more lies.
Wait til it comes back. Cause if it comes back that he is your husband’s no need to bring up the past. If it shows your husband is not the father. That’s when you sit him down and explain everything. No reason to bring up anything unless you have too.
Do. Not. Lie. What if he decides he wants to meet his bio dad thinking it was just some guy you cheated with, and not a rapist?
Tell him the truth!! If it comes out or you decide to tell him on your own. He obviously would be able to sympathize with what happened and you and his dads decision to not want to know because obviously his dad never treated him with any question as to paternity since they are so close. NEVER LIE TO HIM!! A lie is far worse than the truth wether the truth is hard or not. What ever you decide he deserves the truth if it comes out. Good luck momma.
100% truth. He was raised by a good man, who truly is his father. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of.
Tell him the truth, because he may want to know his biological father if he thinks it was an affair. Thank you for keeping your child despite the circumstances. The honest truth is brutal and terrible but he needs to know.
If he finds out that his possible father abused other women too he is going to know you lied… tell him the truth…
I would tell him the truth if he asked, don’t lie because if he finds out you lied the situation would be so much worse.
Tell him the truth. Since he’s close to your husband telling him you cheated would make him just as upset and could even lead to him resenting you for doing that to the man he’s known as a father.
Do not lie to him. If you or you husband have access to an employee assistance program (free therapy) utilize it!! If not, reach out to a family counselor to assist with this.
Tell the truth. It’s better to come from you than for him to find out in his own! He may have matches that you can’t explain. That’s how my husband found out his dad cheated.
When you tell him the truth, make sure you emphasize the fact that behind this unfortunate situation with this unfit man was a much better person that looked after him without questions. And his upbringing in a loving family was due to the decision of his father and you. So yeah, he will be hurt by the fact that you were tortured, but he’ll be grateful for being raised by loving, caring and supportive parents. It may take a minute for him to process it, but with time he will understand the sacrifice you did for him. Seek professional guidance if you have to. Love… you’re amazing!
It may help him overcome his friends assault knowing you overcome it and raised him right!
A friend of mine from high school was conceived from a stranger rape. Her Mother was honest with her about it after her 13th birthday. She let her know that her Father always knew about it and loved her just as much as their other children. She had everything she ever wanted and was very much loved by all. She was a sweet and generous girl and was very understanding. She was more hurt for her Mother than herself. I think it’s always best and better taken to hear something from the person who’s story it is to tell than from anyone else, especially strangers (as in those providing the DNA test). As long as he knows how much You All Love him unconditionally it won’t hurt as bad. Everything always hits hard at first but the outcome of one’s feelings is where the concern really is and I hope All the best for You All and wish You All Many Blessings.
No more lies or cover ups! Tell the truth.
Tell him the truth. Both you and your husband sit him down and tell him. Lying and saying you cheated will make it worse if or once he finds out the truth.
Tell him the truth dont lie
Tell him the truth. But fact is he was born out of love to you and your husband. He may not be his biological father but he made the decision to be better than.
Okay but if there was never a DNA test done with your husband how are you 100% sure he isnt his dad if you were with him at around the same time? I mean tell him either way but you could be panicking about something that may not even be a real issue.
This isn’t as black and white as “He should know the truth.” Yes, I think he should know that there’s a chance his dad isn’t his father, but I completely understand why you chose the path you did. I’ll be honest, I have no advice as I don’t know what I’d do. I hope you find the answer within yourselves.
This is why you don’t hide things from your children. No matter how it makes you look or feel. It’s gonna come up eventually. Just tell the truth once and for all. No more lies. It’s worse the more you lie.
Don’t tell him because maybe you could actually be your husband if you were dating maybe you got pregnant by using boyfriend who is now your husband don’t say anything till he gets that DNA back
If you want your son to be honest with you, you should be honest with him. Tell him.
You are an amazing mother!
I would tell him before the results come in. Have a completely open and honest conversation. The truth is better. Hugs and many prayers
Tell him the truth
Going to be a tough one but maybe counseling could help but he needs to know the truth you are my prayers
Tell him the truth l
You need to be honest. Here are a couple of reasons
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The truth ALWAYS comes out. I do think you and your husband are amazing and I understand why you wouldn’t have told him sooner! You are both so brave!
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If you tell him you simply cheated compared to you telling him the truth well you will take away his choice. He may want a relationship with who he thinks you simply cheated with compared to his feelings on the rapist that his bio actually is and then imagine him finding out after having said relationship with him and how much that would truly destroy him at that point.
I think you and your husband should sit down with y’alls son BEFORE it comes back that who he thought his BIO dad was is actually his “Step” dad (I say it like that because your husband is that boys father all the way:black_heart:) and you let him know and then you both remind him who he is and who/where he truly comes from which is you and your husband and you stand by him in every way he feels at that point even if he gets angry let him feel his feelings but please don’t take his choice from him by lying when you have a chance to tell the truth and to be able to tell him in the way you want and him not simply finding out on his own. Maybe find a therapist and you all go that will be helpful for everyone’s healing journey. I wish you all nothing but the best!
Don’t lie cause if you lie and then he finds out the truth, he’ll be hurt even more. Just tell him thw truth.
The truth, he is loved now and then
Tell the truth!!! Let him hate the man who did this to you. Otherwise he’ll hate you for “cheating “ and then for lying.
let’s pray that he is your husbands biological child, but if he is not the truth is the best policy yes it may be hard to talk about but it is just a testimony to the fact that you have loved him regardless and unconditionally and that he was a blessing to you at a dark point in your life. He was the rainbow after the rain it doesn’t matter how he came to be it only matters that you are a family
Tell his the truth adding that for all of the horror of being assaulted, you learned what an incredible person hid father, his real father, not the sperm father, was. And point out that that made all the difference.
Pray about it, ask for guidance and clarity on the situation
You need to tell him the truth, he deserves that much.
Plus I know it’s hard to think about but if the p.o.s who assaulted you got linked to him through ancestry if he doesn’t know the truth and just thinks you cheated on his dad then he could want to persue getting into contact with him and you don’t want that either
Truth is always better…even if it hurts. I’m sorry you have to go through this. Prayers to you and your husband.
I am sorry you had to go through this …
But i wouldn’t tell him Another lie…( you cheated) he’ll lose all his respect for you…My opinion…I wish you much Luck.But Honesty would be the best way to go from this point on.
Darn ancestry …. Lots of people likely don’t know who their bio father is
Tell him the truth. I know it will be one of the hardest things you will probably have to do, but he deserves the truth and his DNA doesn’t make him. You made him the man he is
Do not lie to him. Even if you’re ashamed. It will only hurt him more. Kids always find out the real truth, somehow.
Tell him the truth no matter how hard it is. Even if you don’t tell him now… the truth can come out later on in life for some other reason.
Truth is always the best answer it will probably hurt but the truth will go further than any lie ever will I always pray about things n trust in the Lord n it all works out I hope it all goes well u loved n cared for him no matter how he came n u will continue God bless you and your family
Only the truth is the answer. Put that shoe on your foot. How would you feel to find out then find out the truth of it all? Yep truth is the best way to go.
Tell him the truth! And assure him you both love him very much and that DNA doesn’t make someone their parent.
Tell him the truth. It might not be easy for you, but I also think about down the line with health history and all of that. Not knowing could be detrimental to him
Never be ashamed…! Tell him the truth and he will
Understand. He has a father who loves him and it’s just DNA… not a real person.
Tell him before the DNA site does.
Definitely tell him the truth.
Don’t make up a lie. Just be honest with him.
Do. Not. Lie. Tell. The. Truth. If you lie, it will somehow come out eventually.
You tell him the truth and you should have told him along time ago. Stop making up lies to ur son. Do you not realize if you told him you cheated he would wanna know who the guy was and most likely wanna meet his bio father.
Don’t lie anymore
The truth no matter how ugly is gonna be hurtful
Lies will make him angry towards you if he finds out, the truth is better
Definitely tell him the truth yes it will be hard but he is loved bonded and it will be ok
Truth is best option
Please don’t make up a lie to spare his feelings. That will come back to bite you eventually. He would be hurt either way, but I’m guessing the truth will hurt because he cares for YOU, and doesn’t want to see YOU in pain from that trauma. Your husband is his father, regardless of how his life was formed. And because you are worrying so much, I’m guessing you both have done a damn good job raising him. At this point in his life, he will recognize that the people that raised him, supported him and love him mean so much more more than where he came from. Hugs
He’s your son. You don’t owe him any explanations and I think you should firmly tell him you do not want to talk about it. He’s grown. If you did your job as a parent there’s enough respect there for him to drop it.
Relax , it just might be that he is in fact your husband’s bio. child afterall. But it wouldn’t hurt to have a family chat the three of you that would prepare him for what he may find out on his own about his DNA .
I never knew who my father is. Just wish my mom had been honest with me
Sit him down and tell him the truth
Read the Wednesday Letters. It’s fiction but applicable. Lies will always surface. He will someday find out, all you can really control is how he finds out.
Honestly is the best! Tell him before he finds out his result.
I would rather my child know the truth than have him think of me as a cheater. Assault is not your fault. He is old enough he should understand.
Tell the truth. Tell him that you wanted him to live despite the circumstances, and that you both love him no matter what.
Tell him the truth!! He’s old enough to understand
He is plenty old enough to understand! Who knows the odds might be in your favor and the child is your now husbands if you really don’t know who it could be…
Yes the truth will always win and Jesus will help him accept it
Just be honest it’ll hurt him more if he later finds out you lied to him
If you tell him you cheated he may want to find the family to meet them. That could be dangerous, and if you’re honest he would know the truth. It’s a whole big ball of difficulty, I’m so sorry for your family and I pray it all works out. Shoutout to you and your husband too, you guys are amazing
IMO… you’ve already with held something from him. Lying to him would only make it worse. Tell him the truth. He deserves to know.
Tell the truth because he will find out if you lied and that will hurt him more
Honesty with your children and transparency is so important. Don’t break his trust now. Be honest and clear that this is not his fault or yours. Prepare him adequately for this new chapter. If he needs time give it to him. If he needs therapy, get it for him. Be his parents. Be that love and light he will so desperately look for. He is the silver lining to your situation and kudos to your husband for not giving it a second thought.
Tell him the truth. It will hurt but lying will hurt more if he finds out. If you tell him you cheated, he might want to meet that disgrace and I know you wouldn’t want him to find out that way. The important thing is he grew with parents who loved him.
Just tell the truth. I’m sure he will be hurt but make sure he understand that’s your husband is still his dad no matter who he is blood related to.
He is old enough to understand. Tell him the truth
Just tell him the truth. I mean. You said you don’t even know who the father is between that man and your husband. Obviously he should be understanding due to the situation of how things happened. But as a person I’d rather be told and given a thorough explanation rather than finding out on my own and making assumptions… And when you explain what happened. Make sure you keep the conversation about him and how he was wanted and loved and not make it about you .
Tell him the truth and tell him and make sure he understands that it doesn’t change how much he was and is loved and wanted. It’s not his fault, you and dad did the best you could. Do not hide it anymore just tell him he’s now an adult and you didn’t tell him before because you felt it would do more harm than good and it wouldn’t have changed how much you love him.
I would sit him down and tell him the truth. If the truth comes out from the dna test he might resent you for not telling him the truth.
Sounds unclear. Is your husband a possibility or not? Ancestry tests can be general. I don’t know the all butine just shows geographic areas.