The truth shall set you free!
Be honest with him. If you tell him you cheated, he’ll want to know who his father is.
Tell the truth. Sit him down with both of you and tell him in the most loving way what really happened.
Tell him the truth, as much as you know.
Do not lie! Tell him the truth all the way.
Tell him the truth. You did nothing wrong. Don’t make it worse by lying to him .
Be a warrior not a victim and be honest.
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I will tell you a Real Life Story (My Story) but FIRST … I want to say this;
You are basing your fears on a “MANY” Lies!
Lie #1 - That your Sons Life, is “ONLY” worthy based upon “whom” his father is.
Lie #2 - That you didn’t raise him with good enough character, AND Tenacity … to be able to overcome, life’s challenge’s, trials & tribulations! This is Exactly what we prepare our children for.
My story;
I will try to be brief.
My Grandmother mother (my Great grandmother) had 12 children by her husband, and “then” a man raped her.
She was impregnated with my Grandmother. Back then, Abortion was outlawed (THANK GOD!!!)
My great grandmother, did NOT want my grandmother, so she gave her to her sister (who could not have children)
Fast forward, my Grandmother grew up believing that her aunt was her mother, and that she had NO siblings. She went on to have 12 children of her own, and 68 grandchildren and great grandchildren. I have literally lost count of “all” of my cousins!!!
My reason in telling you this … she NEVER once hated her real father. In fact, once she found out about him, she contacted his family to learn as much as she could.
Apparently he was a “very” mean spirited man. Not long after raping her mother, he had went to hitch up some horses in the rain 
and was hit by lightning 
and killed.
However, she was able to establish a relationship with his family … who were very kind & accepting to her.
Unfortunately, when she contacted her real mother … she was not kind to her. I will not repeat her unpleasant words. Sadly, her mother died one week after that horrible conversation.
Before they got off the phone together, my Grandmother told her, regardless how you feel about me … “I love 
you.” So her mother took that to the grave.
*And I’m sure that’s how 
you have raised your son.
Tell him the truth and also let him know u dont blame him and u are not disgusted when u look at him and I know it didnt happen to him but he will feel differanlty about himself so let him know none of it is on him and u wouldnt change what happened because u habe him(even if u wish u werent assaulted u still were bit u got him and obviously u both love him)
It sounds like you are not 100% certain if his bio father is the man who assaulted you or your husband. I think you need to determine that before you do anything. If it turns out that your husband is not his bio father, I think that you should tell your son the truth even before he asks any questions. DNA on ancestry may connect him to people who are related to the man who assaulted you (if it turns out that your husband isn’t his bio father.) You don’t want him to find out that way. It may take him time to adjust to knowing the facts but it sounds he has a loving relationship with you and your husband. I can’t imagine having to keep a secret like that for so long. Letting him know the truth will also set you and your husband free.
Don’t lie hell see you as a liar and question everything you ever told him…
Except it yourself and leave it alone, pain for one is enough, don’t fuck up a good thing?
Honestly is all ways the best answer.
Then I would do every in my power to keep it that way
Im also a son from a very similar situation. My parents didnt tell me. I found out when i was 25, i always questioned it though and my mother always lied to me saying I just took after her side more. Tell him the truth, the lies are worse trust me. At least your husband is close to your son, my step father wasnt really close, we never really talked and still dont.
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I would tell him. Lying to him like that isn’t right either my father was lied to for years about his birth father and now because of being lied to he chooses not to have a relationship with his mother and adoptive dad now. His dad doesn’t define him or you. I would tell him.
Honestly you better come clean before that test comes back. I’ve never been a fan of hold back info like that no matter the situation because of family health history. He’s going to find out one way or another and the last thing you want is him finding out after your death and that’s awhole other ride he’d be on since you are not here. Open and honesty is the only right path. Secrets cause more harm than good in the long run. It’s now about him more than ever and not you two. Again honest and let him figure out his emotions on it, it’s his right. Good luck and remember lies only causes more stress and having to make up more lies. You maybe surprised by his reaction.
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Show him what you just typed. YOU did NOT cause your assault! Instead, you chose to love and raise a baby you didn’t expect to have. And your husband did the same. The TRUTH is ALWAYS best!
Tell him I will hurt at first but he knows who his dad is the other guy is just a pervert sperm donor
I wouldnt lie to him and tell him you did something disgustingly disrespectul… potentially changing his image of you .
Truth will set you free.
Don’t say u cheated he will have a grudge for life.
Tell him the truth. Go to counselling
Honesty is the best policy!
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TRUTH, ALWAYS wins
Pray about the words
You are a loving, strong family. Tell him, be honest with him. Prayers:heart:
The truth will set you free.
Honesty is the best policy, no matter how hard
The truth will set you free.
SEEK a professional to help you, this is way deep and can change to much in HIS life more than yours. Trust me when I say this
Honesty is the best po8
Really? You think it might be BBETTER to tell your son that you have a character flaw, than to admit that you were assaulted?
How could you possibly even consider that? This kind of “logic” is EXACTLY the kind of thing that makes people doubt women’s claims of assault in the first place.
You should be ashamed of yourself . Ashamed that you would hide someone else’s ILLEGAL, IMMORAL character shortcomings, and instead lie about youirself and claim character defects that you don’t possess
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Truth. Lying will hurt him more.
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Honesty and if necessary seek professional help.
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Sorry but holding this secret is what got you in this predicament…. And now you wanna lie AGAIN? I’ve been assaulted. He’s 24 and the assault was decades ago. Sure he will be upset but it’s not in current time like his friends’ assaults.
I would also recommend telling him BEFORE he gets the results because he’s gonna feel betrayed for being lied to his entire life but he will understand (I hope).
Truth is best for the soul!
I’d think the truth would be better than a lie. And have your husband with you if it gets to hard to explain. But the dna thing will tell him more about where his ancestors are from. I don’t think it will tell him his dad may not be his dad.
Hopefully he will turn out to be your husband’s son ,and all of this worrying is for nothing
Have your husband do a DNA test and grab a piece of your sons hair from a hair brush/comb or a glass or cup that he drank out of and see if the two are a match… this might not even end up being an issue if they are.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My son came from me being assaulted and I am afraid of him finding out: Advice?
Be honest with him and tell him before he comes to you asking about it.
Sit him down and tell him the truth. He’ll love you even more for being honest. Also he must of been suspicious to get the test. Your husband raised him as his own, that’s a strong loving dad to him. Good luck to you. Do this before the test comes back.
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I think you’re more devastated than he will be with the truth. I think he would proud of you for telling the truth and his Dad for stepping up & being the man he is. Peace be in your hearts.
You can tell him that the love of his dad ment so much to you and your love of life made you never question the DNA, because you both loved him before he came into the world !!
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Be honest with him! Don’t give a rapist the chance to come back into ur life by your son thinking he was just some man, if he goes looking for him. I wish you the best of luck momma!
Don’t lie to him. A friend of mine had a similar situation. And when he found out the truth, he didn’t care. He was so thankful that his mother didn’t have an abortion and that his dad stepped up and truly was his dad. He was probably early 20’s when he found out the truth.
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He may be cross at first but he ll soon realise you love him and his father loves him and that will ultimately help him and you. Hes older now and maybe can handle the truth. Good luck.
Tell him the truth. He has a right to know. He’s not a child anymore. It’s obviously eating at you and you will feel so much better once it’s out. Your husband regardless if he is really father or not will always be his dad that raised him. We teach our children honesty and I believe he deserves that. I’m sorry for your pain momma. I wish you well and I hope everything goes well for you.
Please don’t lie to your son. You think that would be the best but it will back fire on you and your husband. Eventually the truth will come out and he will be at first be upset but hopefully the love he has for you and your husband won’t change. His father will always be your husband, period. There’s a whole sub Reddit on where people found out the truth through DNA kits and and it tore some family apart. If anything, the best thing you can do is seek a therapist to help you all out.
Tell him the truth.It would be better coming from you both Trust in his love and understanding.
I would not try and comfort with a lie. He will grow from the truth. It’ll hurt but not forever
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Definitely dont make up a lie. Be honest with him.
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You most definitely should be honest with him. It isn’t going to be easy and you’re intentions are from a loving and protective place but I have two family members who had similar things happen to them and they found out that everyone lied and it hurt them worse. Be prepared for him to have his own emotions and maybe he will even need “time alone”. Allow that… give him space but by all means, don’t continue to keep this from him or lie any longer.
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Tell him the truth. You had your child out of a horrible situation, but you cared for and loved him. His father will always be his father. DNA doesn’t make a difference here, he has a dad who loves him.
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Be honest with him he’s old enough to understand why you did what you did and hid it for so long
He is an amazing result of was an awful thing that happened to you and is clearly loved by you and his dad
he has been loved and raised by a man who blood or not is his father in every single way
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Don’t cover a lie with another lie. Be honest. It’s hard but it will lift that heavy weight off your shoulders.
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Tell him the truth 100%. I understand trying to protect him. But you are lying to him, and continuing to choose to lie to him especially as an adult is going to make it worse. Just explain to him that you and his dad wanted to protect him from the truth as a child but as an adult you are telling him out of respect and love. But it changes nothing in your heart and his dad’s heart.
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I am so very sorry this happen to you firstly! Second as much as you might think this will hurt your son. Plz dont make up a lie they always hurt more and do more damage then just telling the truth . Sending positive vibes your way mama. I wish you were in a easier situation
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Sending you very best wishes for what ever outcome from the dna test and what ever you decide to do…
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Honesty is the best policy. It’s time he knew… As a kid with so many questions on where I came from and who my family was, I built resentment towards my parents for keeping secrets like that from me.
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Absolutely don’t lie…that would be so much worse. If he comes to you .you & your husband sit down & you tell him what took place. But , how you didn’t believe in abortion & you are so glad you didn’t. Cuz you couldn’t imagine loving him more the moment he was born all you felt was love & tenderness…not the ugliness of how.
I would be honest. What your husband chose to do was so loving, your son deserves to know that if he isn’t biologically related, his dad didn’t care and WANTED him no matter what
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Wow. I wouldn’t want him to know he was a product of rape but I’d also not want him to find out his real dad wasn’t biologically related. You know him better than anyone and he’s at such a transitional time in his life. I think if you both sat him down in a loving way and explained that he wouldn’t want to know the details but that he was loved and very much wanted by both of you that he might be able to deal with it. He’s going to be upset. There are going to be a lot of tears. I’m so sorry. I know a young woman that was a product of this and she is a happy, adjusted adult but her mom was pretty honest with her from the get go. I hope it all goes well. <3
I just posed this question to my teenage son. He didn’t know which one was true. His answer: I’d want to know the truth. Then I told him the true answer and he still stood by it.
Honesty is always the best policy.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Lying to him will have worse repercussions. It could turn round to bite back at you as he could possibly then have some sort of anger or resentment towards you if he thinks you cheated on his dad…let alone if he ever did find out you were lying. I think before he gets the results you need to have a chat with him, but he deserves to know the truth unfortunately how hard it may be to handle.
Definitely don’t put the blame on yourself! I would sit him down and tell him the possibility. Then have them take a DNA test since right now you may not have time before the ancestry results come in. It’d be better than him finding out thru ancestry. Although you can take your chances and wait. He may be hurt that you didn’t tell him, but a little child cannot process that. And no matter what, your husband is still his father. It’s not like he’s going to want to meet the horrible man or have a relationship with him, so there was no point in mentioning it to him is a suggestion you can say. Explain it doesn’t reflect on him. He may be able to talk to his friends that were assaulted about it if all are comfortable. He will not blame you and you sound like an amazing parent who has never “resented” him. In fact, he may even commend your strength!
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The truth usually comes out one way or another so I think it’s best to let him know the truth now. He is old enough to understand and work through that, maybe see a therapist even. A lie isn’t going to hurt any less, but it will hurt more when the truth comes to light.
Don’t lie just be honest with him and why you felt the need to not tell him. You’re the mom so you knew what was best for him at that time and never feel guilty about it. Just know it might take some time for him to accept/adjust and be there when he’s ready to talk.
Tell him the truth, it will set you FREE. The burden any lie carries is too heavy to bear…for either of you. Take care mama!
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If you lie and say you cheated, he may hate you and want to know who his sperm donor is… If you tell the truth, he will still love you and understand more. Yeah it may hurt to know that his father isn’t his real father, but its better than lying.
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Always be truthful, it is better to be upset for a little bit about the truth then to learn your parents lied to you in multiple ways thinking they were protecting you. As an adult I found out some information that when I confronted my “parents” and they lied again, I lost trust in them and didn’t talk to them from 27 to 33. Now years later, I have them back in my life but wonder if they are telling me the truth even about little things, I don’t know if I will ever trust them fully again.
Personally I feel if your bond with your son, you and your husband is solid and he knows he is loved, he will be shocked even horrified, but he will have you both to get him through. You are not even sure the attacker is the father right? You may have nothing to explain. Reassure your son he is loved no matter what.
Did you and your husband take one as well? The percentages will not match exactly to yours anyway. Like for example if two siblings from the same parents had taken the test either dna % will be different and not completely the same. I personally wouldn’t worry about it to much.
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The truth is always best…he will respect you more for it. he will be hurt but he will understand. No one wants to see or know that their own mother was hurt that way, but…he’s old enough to handle it.
You know what will destroy him? Being lied to for so many years. People lie to their kids to protect them and I think it’s wrong. Be honest from the beginning and it would of never been a big deal.
As parents we try to lessen the blows of hard stuff in life, its understandable from a mother’s view point.
However, you have your husband and obviously his support, be honest with your son.
Let him know it was kept from him out of love, with the best intentions.
But what if you or his dad weren’t around, ir he didn’t tell you he took the ancestry test?
What if his DNA connects him with your attacker and/or his family? That IMO would be worse to discover.
He’s your son no matter what, he’s an adult that can reasonably accept it.
He may be upset at first, but everyone deserves to know their history be it good or bad
Maybe first get Dad the same DNA test and don’t tell your son. If he is his father it will come up on that test as a family match. My mom and half sisters came up on mine. That way you know where you stand first before telling him what happened when you were younger. Your husband is his true dad and might be the best person to talk to him about this. And tell him you both waited till he was an adult because you didn’t want it to affect his childhood but you feel he is strong and mature enough now to handle it and to understand that how he came to be has no bearing on the man he is and who his father is.
If you tell him that you were young and cheated… Chances are… He’ll ask questions about his dad… He’ll go looking for who is father is… It would be better to tell him the truth…
He’s an adult now so I think he should be capable of dealing with the truth.
Tell the truth. A lie will always find it’s way back and u will have to make a million more to cover up the first one. And it will just hurt him more in the end
Please be honest. Yes,the truth is going to hurt but he deserves to know. This is too important to keep from him. This involves him too. You also deserve the closure of knowing for sure. Tell him. Answer all his questions. Be completely honest. Support him. You got this. If you lie,he may go looking for his biological “father” and that would be terrible. So please be honest.
Tell him the truth because if you lie you’ll be found out and then he’ll really be upset with you
Dear God. You poor soul. I can’t tell you what to do, only what I would do. I would not wait till he found out from a sheet of impersonal paper. I would, along with my husband, tell him the truth. Together. Your son may surprise you by his acceptance after he had had time to digest this information. Pray for God’s blessing first then go ahead. I wish all good things for you and will put you on my prayer list. God Bless❤
Please don’t lie to your son. He deserves to know the truth. It will be hard for a time but you will get through it as a family.
Honesty is best but let him know you always loved him.
I would tell him you and his dad couldnt have kids together so you went to a sperm bank.
Truth is the only thing that will explain this lie…Praying all works out for the best.
Ouch. That’s so hard, so deep. I guess I would tell the truth. It’s gonna hurt. But lies hurt more. Or, add more hurt. So sorry.
I think lying would hurt him a lot worse than the truth would. Be honest.
Be honest better to hear from you then others
How did you get through the trauma of being assaulted
The truth is always the best way
The truth is better than a lie honestly.
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Maybe make a therapy appointment and yall discuss it together.
I wouldn’t tell about the assault. I would just say that his Dad isn’t his biological Father but chose to love him and has been there since conception. The gory details could harm him mentally and emotionally. I would just leave it out if it were me. I’m so sorry, and I pray for you and your Family.
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I’m afraid if you tell him you cheated then he may seek out your abuser. Just wait it out momma. I know that’s easier said than done but slowing down and letting things happen as they may will be a lot better than any decision you make under stress. Hugs and prayers
Don’t vilify yourself. You can’t help what happened to you and you have moved past it and are okay now. Your husband is his dad and that’s what matters!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I think you should be honest with him. Lying is not the way to go.
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Tell him the truth 
either you got extremely lucky and rapist isn’t the dad or DNA isn’t what makes a man father and you were assaulted and that guy is a POS and not nor will he ever be your son’s father. At 24 he’s more than old enough to understand that you wanted to protect him but he’s also old enough to make that decision for himself. Don’t say anything unless he does first.
First your husband never wanted a DNA test so there’s always a possibility your rapist may not be the father which is what I’m really hoping for because your husband and you wouldn’t have to tell your son. Second if he takes it and it tells him that the man who raised him isn’t his father and the DNA is different then i suggests sitting him down and you guys explain what happened but remind him you love him with all your heart and you don’t regret having him because he may feel like a trigger for you after finding this out. Third don’t lie to him because he may never see you again and if he finds out you lied to him it will crush him it’s better to be honest with him if it comes back and shows that the man who has raised him isn’t his father. Because there’s that slim chance that POS who raped you isn’t the father. I pray for you and your husband that it’s your husbands son and you guys don’t have to tell your son that you were raped and that POS could’ve/would be his father.