My Son & I Want a Cat, But My Boyfriend Refuses Because His Family, Who Never Comes Over, Is Allergic

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QUESTION:

"I love cats and really want to get one someday. My son loves cats too, but my boyfriend says we can never get one. He likes cats, but the reason he says we can’t have one is that his dad and sister are allergic.

I even said it could be an outdoor cat, and he said no because ‘they could still have a reaction.’ The thing that annoys me is they NEVER come over.

I don’t see why we can’t ever have a pet that we all want just because they’re allergic. Is it wrong to say I really don’t care if they ever come over? We go to their house most of the time anyway, and they never come to ours. What would you do in this situation?"

RELATED QUESTION: How Can I Tell If My Child Is Allergic to Cats?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“If they’re allergic it doesn’t matter if they come to your house or not; if you go to their house and take any cat hair or dandruff with you, you can contaminate their furniture. I speak from experience. Someone who had a cat came over to my house and my daughter had an instant reaction as soon as she sat in the chair that they were sitting in. My toddler is allergic to cats, therefore, my entire family — my parents, my brothers, my sisters — all of them have agreed to not get a cat. That way there is no possible way she could have a reaction. Just out of common courtesy and respect.”

“My fiancé is allergic as is my stepdaughter and mother-in-law. My mother-in-law has the worst allergy out of the three and even though we only go every once in a while I still wouldn’t risk it. Personally, I love cats, but out of respect, I wouldn’t do that. I’m assuming if you had an allergy you would want others to respect that no matter where you went or how frequent so it should be both ways. That being said you can always get a hypoallergenic cat if you are dead set on it.”

“My opinion on this is very divided. On one hand, this is your home and you all should be able to have a pet if that is your desire; on the other hand, some people’s allergies can be severe. Some people can react even if you go to their house because of fur getting on your clothes. If his family’s allergies are bad enough they are life-threatening, then I understand his fear. So depending on that answer, my opinion may vary.”

“It’s YOUR home. They DON’T live there. Get the cat. Keep it inside. Cats’ lives are almost doubled by being inside all the time.”

“I would get a cat. If they never come over then… But in saying that, if they are severely allergic then any cat hair on your clothing could set them off when you go there so if you do get one then make sure it’s a very short hair one.”

“Um, I think he’s in the right… Pet dander and fur get caught in your clothes and if you go over it can cause them to have a reaction. Now, if they were just allergic to their saliva/touching them (in the way I am with dogs, my skin will break out when a dog licks me or I pet them) but I’ve had 2 dogs for the last 8 years and I just suffer through the love.”

“My husband is very allergic. He can only stay at his parents’ house for an hour before the sneezing and itchy eyes become too much. But we have 2 cats now. He LOVES them! I vacuum every other day and he has zero symptoms. Also, if it’s your house, get the cat. In my opinion, your son’s happiness is more important anyway. Just my opinion though. Lol.”

“In this situation, I would get a cat. It’s your house, not theirs. I personally am insanely allergic to cats. Puffy eyes, nonstop sneezing, even the occasional asthma attack. I own two cats.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

18 Likes
2

I would get a cat. If they never come over then :woman_shrugging:
But in saying that, if they are severely allergic then any cat hair on your clothing could set them off when you go there so if you do get one then make sure it’s a very short hair one

3 Likes
3

My step mom is allergic she just takes meds before she comes or I come there and when she comes here she doesn’t pet them. We have 5 cats and 2 dogs and she doesn’t die hanging out for a few hours

2 Likes
4

I am alergic to cats and my daughter has 3 and I get reactions when she touches me because she has had cat on her so if you hold your cat then spend alot of time at their house they can have reactions!!!

1 Like
5

You could expose them when u visit because the cat hair is on your clothes

2 Likes
6

Not get a cat? Nothing to be petty about :woman_shrugging:.

1 Like
7

Get a hypoallergenic cat. Or have family deal with it… I’ll be damned if I couldn’t have my cats cause someone is allergic

8

If he telling you the truth

9

Do they live with you? That would not stop me

10

Get the cat since they don’t come over

11

Just get the damn cat

12

If they never come over get yourself a cat and remember before going to their place to change clothes.

2 Likes
13

In this situation I would get a cat. It’s your house, not theirs. I personally am insanely allergic to cats. Puffy eyes, non stop sneezing, even the occasional asthma attack. I own two cats.

1 Like
14

If come home with a cat I have on several different occasions just come home with a pets.

15

Get a hypoallergenic cat! We had one for 16 yrs she was the best! And I’m allergic to cats.

16

My husband is very allergic. He can only stay at his parents’ house for an hour before the sneezing and itchy eyes become too much. But we have 2 cats now. He LOVES them! I vacuum every other day and he has zero symptoms. Also, if it’s your house, get the cat. In my opinion, your son’s happiness is more important anyway. Just my opinion though. Lol

1 Like
17

I wouldn’t risk it, personally.

18

I would say get a cat but if they are seriously allergic that could be a issue if you visit them, so maybe settle for a hairless cat. My daughter has two hairless cats and they are pretty darn cute!

19

Because you go to their house and you would bring cat dander over. I’m allergic to cats myself and my dad has 2. I go over all the time, but he puts the cats outside, vacuums the house, changes his clothes, and washes his hands before I come over.

20

Can’t they take allergy medicine before they come over? Or is more serious than that?

21

Cats are amazing to be honest they’re not living with you and if they want to come over all you have to do is put it in another room but if he doesn’t want a cat there’s nothing you can do to change that I’m just saying there are ways around it

22

Is he your father or your boyfriend? Why does he get final say so? If you have the money to take care of one, get a cat and when they come over put the cat away and disinfectant the house and tell your boyfriend when it becomes a big issue then you’ll get rid of it, until then you’re entitled to get what you want in your own home. Shouldn’t have to live around people who may or may not visit.

3 Likes
23

If you’re ok with it being an outdoor cat you definitely don’t need a cat… that’s ridiculous. Outdoor cats get killed, spread disease, and are a nuisance. If you’re getting a pet plan to keep it in your house or don’t even bother putting an animal through that.

5 Likes
24

He’s lying and just doesn’t want a cat. Who the hell doesn’t get a pet bc of family members who don’t live in the house or visit!? Nevermind the cat…now I’m pissed at that lame ass illogical excuse that you expect me to be alright with. Nope.

25

Get a hairless cat allergy solved

1 Like
26

My fiancé is allergic as is my step daughter and mother in law, my mother in law has the worst allergy out of the three and even though we only go every once in a while I still wouldn’t risk it . Personally I love cats but out of respect I wouldn’t do that. I’m assuming if you had an allergy you would want others to respect that no matter where you went or how frequent so it should be both ways. That being said you can always get a hypoallergenic cat if you are dead set on it .

5 Likes
27

Get the cat and get rid of the boyfriend

9 Likes
28

Just come home with a cat. Thats what ive done with every single one of my animals and he always falls in love…eventually.

1 Like
29

If they don’t come over anyways get a cat then.

1 Like
30

If they’re allergic it doesn’t matter if they come to your house or not if you go to their house and take any cat hair or Dandruff with you you can contaminate their furniture. I speak from experience. Someone who had a cat came over to my house and my daughter had an instant reaction as soon as she sat in the chair that they were sitting in.My toddler is allergic to cats therefore my entire family my parents my brothers house my sisters house all of them have agreed to not get a cat that way there is no possible way she could have a reaction. Just out of Common courtesy and respect.

6 Likes
31

They don’t live with you so it doesn effect them…get the cat keep the kitty inside, and tell him to get over it

32

Do what you want in your house … Simple … I have 2 cats and I will be damned if I do anything different with them because of what someone else is going thru … Don’t like it ? Don’t come over … I’m a different breed tho because I wouldn’t care about his family … What my child wants comes first … Point Blank Period

33

My dad certainly doesnt put his dogs and car away when i come over my fiance is super allergic he takes a zyrtec before going :woman_shrugging:t4: i get it could be a respect thing but its your house lol

34

If I were in your situation, I would evaluate the relationship. If you aren’t agreeing on something as simple as getting a cat, then I would worry about disagreeing on more important subjects. Then decide if a cat is worth the potential strife in the relationship. Either you have to sacrifice and not get a cat because your boyfriend says so or you have to get a cat and deal with the potential argument because you defied his wishes.

35

Going over to their house still puts them at risk for a reaction. I wouldn’t do it. But that’s just me :woman_shrugging:t4:

36

Get a hypoallergenic cat! :blush:

37

My husband made me give away my cat because it scratched my daughters eye, my son and I were heartbroken we love cats and my daughter likes them too, but because the cat was small and so is my daughter I had to let him go, but I’m planning on adopting one once my daughter turns 5 whether he likes it or not.

38

Just get a cat. The problem will sort itself out. If he leaves, you saved yourself a tooooon of problems in the future. :wink:

39

I’m allergic to cats …when I walk in your house even if I don’t know that you have cats… I can tell you have cats… there is only one person whose house I visited that did not bother me they had six indoor cats I visited and stayed for eight hours with no allergic reaction until I decided to pet one of them… Her husband is OCD and they clean constantly …you do have to consider allergies because some allergies are worse than others with me being around a cat for five minutes or just the dander can cause a reaction that might last me one or two weeks and I do not have asthma or anything imagine those who do

3 Likes
40

There are hypoallergenic cats…

41

I’m allergic to cats and have two. Lol I have hard time breathing and get itchy nose/eyes.

42

i’d get one anyways. it’s your home, not the dad & sisters house. fuck that. if they really have a problem with it they can take benadryl or some kind of allergy meds before coming over.

43

I like the comments about evaluating the relationship…(what’s a dealbreaker for you). Personally, I always wanted a cat growing up, but If i even touch/hug someone that has a cat my asthma acts up and I may need nebulizer treatments for a few days. It sucks but something I can’t control. I would dread going to my in-laws when they used to have cats. If you’re stuck on a pet, maybe there is another animal that would be better as a compromise.

44

Get a Siamese cat because they are hypo allergenic cats

45

It’s YOUR home. They DON’T live there. Get the cat. Keep it inside. Cats lives are almost doubled by being inside all the time.

4 Likes
46

I would go to the pound and get a cuddle with every single Kitten there. Then I would make sure I had cat hair ALL over me. Then I would go to your partners Dad & Sisters place and see if they actually are allergic to cats :joy: If they have no reaction (eg. sneezing) then your BF is a liar :lying_face: and there is absolutely NO reason why you couldn’t get one :joy::ok_hand: People that don’t like cats are USUALLY allergic to them supposedly…

2 Likes
47

Get rid of his family

1 Like
48

If it is your household then get the damn cat! What is up with these controlling relationship? Like someone said up above y’all are each others partners not parents. Compromise in a way so both are happy. But do not stop yourself from being happy in your house with a pet for his family’s sake! (Which you mention don’t even go over so :woman_shrugging:t2:)

49

Buy some Benadryl, have them take it before they come over. My concern is why does your husband get to make the final decision, that’s not being fair. A marriage takes 2

50

Even if you have an outdoor cat, there for gets on everything. Even if they don’t come over when you go over there if there allergies are really bad it will set them off as the fur will be on your clothing.

1 Like
51

Depending on the allergy sensitivity it may affect them just being around you. I am highly allergic and can’t be around people who have cats. The scent/fur is on their clothes :woman_shrugging:t3: I’m not saying don’t get one, but it can really affect how much you/your family sees the people who are allergic

3 Likes
52

Time for a new boyfriend.

1 Like
53

You pet the cat or have the cat anywhere near you and you go over to somebody’s house that’s allergic to it can turn really bad and this is coming from experience I was put in the hospital for two weeks and almost died because I was close to someone that had cats it’s kind of selfish that you don’t care about your familyTo consider that in my opinion

4 Likes
54

Get a new boyfriend.

Also, keep your cat inside.

1 Like
55

I would just get one , it’s not there home it’s yours and if they never come over then there would be no problems

1 Like
56

Hope this is the worse problem you ever have🙃

57

I’m allergic and I have 3 cats…

1 Like
58

There are hypoallergenic cars available.

59

My youngest daughters father is allergic to cats, pretty bad allergies to them BBUUUUUTTTTT MY CHILD IS A CAT LOVER… she has a 90lb pit and 6 cats and one is pregnant. (Stay off my comment she takes very good care of them all and always finds stable vetted homes for kittens) her father has stayed overnight, takes some allergy medicine and they keep the cats in the two bedrooms until his short visit is over. If you live your life according to two ppl that never come to your home and you almost never visit them, it’s ridiculous just get a damn cat!!!

60

I have a Kitten you can have. Just say you found it on the side of the road cuz thats how I found this one

1 Like
61

I would either get a hypoallergenic cat or a new boyfriend… or both.

2 Likes
62

Get the cat and boom, no more unwanted visitors. It a win win :woman_shrugging:t2:

63

Get a hypoallergenic cat

64

My husband and I are both allergic to cats, and we have one… my aunts are both allergic also and my mom has always had at least two, and currently has four …

Honestly it depends on the level of allergy. If it’s something life threatening, then unfortunately it’s safer to stay away, or get a hairless cat. If it’s just regular allergies (itchy eyes, runny nose, etc.) or anything than can be cured with a little Benadryl, get the cat and some allergy medicine to always keep in stock.

1 Like
65

Look into blue Russian cats in allergic too. They are preferred in the allergy community

66

My niece and brother in law swell up huge around cats, but my niece’s grandma has 3 siamese’s cats and she dose amazing with them look into what cats have low cat dander ( i believe this is one of the more popular reason’s for the allergies)

67

If they NEVER come over then there isn’t an issue.
I like cats but can never have one because I almost anaphylaxis allergic. So I get it. BUT it also depends on their sensitivity level. If they just get a little sniffly then just take an allergy tablet. But as you said they never come over so just get the cat.

68

Get the cat. We’re an animal family. Our oldest is allergic to cats so we just banned them from his room and he doesn’t hold them.

69

Syberian cats are hypoallergenic! They are also long haired and very pretty cats! By looking at them you would never guess they are hypoallergenic but they really are

2 Likes
70

My opinion on this is very divided. On one hand this is your home and you all should be able to have a pet if that is your desire, on the other hand some people’s allergies can be severe. Some people can react even if you go to their house because of fur getting on your clothes. If his families allergies are bad enough they are life threatening, then I understand his fear. So depending on that answer my opinion may vary.

4 Likes
71

I am allergic and take allergy pills :woman_shrugging:

2 Likes
72

My mom has a friend who is allergic and whenever she visits she just takes Benadryl and doesn’t complain. Tell him your family is allergic to him haha

1 Like
73

Get a hypoallergenic cat! They’re usually a lot more expensive, and you want to go through a breeder. i used to have a Siberian kitten and she was GORGEOUS. So fluffy! Their dander is hypoallergenic. The breeder used to refer other prospective clients to us to “test out” our cat!! We literally had people come by and stick their face in her fur to see if they had a reaction. :rofl: my bf at the time was also allergic to cats and had no issues with her

74

My grandfather and mom are allergic to dogs and I have a dog that they both adore he just isn’t allowed inside their houses. Your bf’s argument is invalid based on his reasoning

75

Thank God I am now single. No one will, ever again, tell me what I can and can’t do. My life, my choice. I say, get the damn cat.

76

Get a Devin Rex they are hypoallergenic and real cute.I am highly allergic to cats and I have a Chocolate Devin Rex called Bronson and he is 7 years old and a indoor cat .:cat2:

1 Like
77

I would get 7 seven cats so there’s enough for everyone :joy:

1 Like
78

Meet in the middle and get a hypoallergenic cat. Are they allergic to the hair or saliva or dander? Some have pretty severe reactions.

I’m kind of ehh. I’m severely allergic to cats. I touch one and break out in hives. Even if someone with cat hair comes to my house and I’m around it, I break out. So, it’s your house, but don’t get pissy when they don’t come over or want you to de hair yourself before you come over.

79

If you get a cat, and visit them you will drag fur and particals from the cat into their home. So you have to decide; get a cat and stay away from them, or dont get a cat and keep visit them. Or you can get an hypoallergenic cat :woman_shrugging:

80

I could never live in a home with a cat-highly allergic,no fun when you can’t breathe​:flushed:I also cannot go to my son’s house because he owns 3 cats.:cry:

81

Are they allergic to dander or saliva? Get a hypoallergenic one!

82

Have an outdoor cat… problem solved :joy:

83

Are they just allergic to the fur of the cat if do get a sphynx cat (a hairless cat) and if they don’t come over then get the cat

84

You compromise and get a cat

85

An outdoor cat can get fleas; been there, done that. Not fun plus in winter, then he/she can’t go outside for long safely at some points. Seems like if you get a cat, it will always be a point of conflict/dissension between you and your boyfriend. If one of you disagrees, it’s not a go. You need to be on the same page. Life is hard enough without bringing in extra preventable points of conflict. That’s how I see it.

1 Like
86

Get a new boyfriend!

1 Like
87

The way I look at it is that they never come over plus its you guys paying for your bills not them and when you would ho to their house have a set of clothes that are not around the cat set a side so that when you go they won’t get sick because of clothes I know that some people have it really bad and others don’t

88

If his family is allergic and you go to their home keep your coat etc in your car. We went to visit family and our family member had allergic reaction due to cat hair dander on our clothes.

89

Don’t ever let someone else tell you what you can have or not have .You’re a grown up.My husband tried that years ago I told him I was going to get this cat and he said no I got the cat and hubby is still her

90

Get a kitty… In this situation forgiveness from him will be easier then permission sounds like

91

Adopt a kitty! If they never come over. They can take allergy meds if they do. Tell him to get a grip. Trying to be a control freak about the wrong shit causing unnecessary stress.

92

Get a cat and see if he leaves. Best way to see how the bigger issues will work out.

1 Like
93

Get a hairless cat then. Or a regular cat because it’s your house. .y sister is allergic but I have a ton of cats. And why? Because she don’t live here and when she comes over she takes an allergy pill

94

If they never come over, get a cat. He himself is not allergic so everyone can just get over it. 🤷

95

Get rid of him and get a cat. Only kidding, but hope you can find a medium ground.

1 Like
96

They NEVER come over? Then, I’d get a fucking cat.

97

Get 2 cats and a dog.

98

Oh well cat it is then!!!

99

If its your house get a cat or a new bf

100

My mom is allergic to dogs. I have a dog. Not to be insensitive to her feelings but I’m not going to live my life around her coming over a couple times a month. I go over there and what “fur” is left after the lint roller doesn’t bother her. I love my mom but I also love that my kids are happy having a dog.

9 Likes