I would advise the school she is not authorized to pick him up, make changes or support ANY legal paperwork
Next, I would speak with his dad that you are not comfortable with her picking your son up
She is overstepping her boundaries and I would say if she doesn’t stop, I would seek legal action
Don’t listen to this bitter BABYMOMS talk as group and see what’s best for your son if your child doesn’t mind being picked up by her then it shouldn’t be big deal
Unless they are married, she has no legal right to handle anything without consent first. Who are the only emergency contacts on the school application? If she’s not on it, the school is at fault for not contacting you about her showing up.
Lol you sound like a bitter ass mother. 
be GLAD your son has someone else that loves him instead of resenting him.
As a stepmom and mom who’s stepson has a stepdad who is just the bf if it’s the Father’s Day the father has a right to let someone pick him up on his behalf. She shouldn’t of called but really gf or married does she beat your son, is she bad to your son, like if she isn’t harmful stop. And say something to me please because I have a great relationship with stepsons mom and we don’t follow the court order no more we go with what will work for us.
I would tell the school she doesn’t have authority to do that and she is not to be given any information. If she isn’t on the papers she shouldn’t be allowed to anyway. I would also be talking to my ex.
So but how long has she been the girlfriend? 2 months? No then. 2 years? Then what’s the difference in her picking him up 2 hours earlier to help your ex?
If he added her as an emergency contact, then she has the right. She can’t add herself. Either the father of mother had to add her for her to be able to do that.
Eh school shouldnt even be talking to her so i would take it up with the school she is in no form a legal gaurdian
First of all, a lot of ppl on here are obviously NOT READING the part where it’s the girlfriend and not a step-mom. Legally.
Second of all, I’d be irate at the school. All kinds of wrong in this scenario.
I do think communication is beneficial. Especially if it is a long time girlfriend.
Still, I’d just put everyone in their place. But that’s me.
I think it all depends on how long they have been together and what there gf/bf dynamic is like. Not everyone gets married these days. If they’ve been together over 2 yrs and she plans on being around for a long time then she is part of your child’s life wether you like it or not. And as your child is at his dad’s house what happens there is up to him, sounds like she is trying to help when the dad is at work. I’m sure alot of spilt family’s with new partners, the partner does stuff for the child too.
I think you all need to sit down and let each other know what you want out of this instead of all being bitter that someone else loves your child. Set rules and regulations again, because as you said the circumstances have changed over the years from the first agreement
Unfortunately, based upon my past experience (I’ve been to custody court I think 5 times now for one of my children) all you can do is file contempt charges against your sons father. I also had the first right to refusal clause in one of my custody orders as well. Based upon what you’ve said he is in contempt if he is condoning the girlfriend calling the school and stating she will pick him up. The fact that you’re primary residence and custodial parent as default doesn’t actually matter; you don’t have sole physical custody. Sole legal only means the other party has no say in religion, education, medical, etc. However, the first right to refusal clause you have does matter and it’s being violated.
**Please note each state varies on exactly how custody orders/agreements hold up based upon their states definition and terms concerning each aspect of the order/agreement. I only know with certainty based upon the home state of the order concerning my one child. However, personally, I think you would be okay to file contempt charges on your own without the expense of an attorney to get your issue rectified.
Me and my ex boyfriend went through this with his ex. She didn’t want me to be at the house with the kids without him and she didn’t want me picking them up or dropping them off at school, but it was ok for her boyfriend to do the same things she didn’t want me doing. I’m a mom of now grown kids and don’t really see what the problem is. It’s dads time, he obviously trusts the girlfriend to pick up the kids and help take care of them or she probably wouldn’t be around. The kid being sick and mom not being called might be the only issue that might cause a problem, but if mom nor dad are available and dad says it’s ok for girlfriend to pick the kid up…I don’t see a problem once they are notified. There are always double standards in parenting.
Is a first right of refusal in place and if you have legal custody illness issues need to go through you in most cases.
If it states “Thursday after school”, it’s dad’s time. It’s dad’s responsibility to get the child picked up; even if he chooses his gf to do it. Yes, it would be nice for you both to discuss this and agree on something but it doesn’t sound like that is happening.
When your son is not in school, what time does dad get him on Thursdays? If he wasn’t picking him up until 4:30 then he shouldn’t be the one called when he is sick.
But gf was dead wrong for calling the school at all and then lying about being the stepmom. You need to address this with your sons father. I suggest through text or email so you have documentation should you happen to need it for court.
This happened to me. I told the school not to allow changes without first running it past me. However, I didn’t have an issue with the new gf picking my kid up. I had an issue with the school authorizing something without my knowledge. And as for her being involved, I embrace it. I never got the help i needed from my ex till he had the help he needed from her. Also, once you get more comfortable with the situation, it can become a blessing. Let them/her take on some of the responsibilities. Give yourself a break. You may even be friends with the new gf one day. She could be a blessing in your life. Another mom to lean on. Try to keep an open mind.
I am a stepmom and a mother. And i have always been able to pick up my stepdaughter from school because i was give permission to by the mom and my husband before being married BUT i would have never been so ridiculous it just take it Upon myself to do the things she is doing. that was not my business at the time as just a girlfriend. Whether he had custody or she had custody. Ans trust me i hated her and she hated me but we had to do what had to be done for the daughter. She is definitely out of line. School should not have even entertained her.
If this was a dad posting this about the step dad doing this people would be all up in arms but…because it’s a mother everyone saying she is bitter lol
First off… as a mother… the ONLY ones responsible for the child is the MOTHER and the FATHER. WE are the ONLY ones who will be making decisions regarding OUR child. If anyone took it upon themselves to contact my child’s school regarding a PARENTAL issue would be in the wrong. Nothing wrong with loving OUR child BUT stay in your lane.
You are absolutely right. YOU need to contact the school and let them know that the girlfriend is not the decision maker. Then call the dad. The arrangements need to be made between you two…not the girlfriend. In the end, you have the legal rights, not her.
Does she treat your son good and is he safe in her care? If the answers to those questions are yes then maybe you should try to get along with her for your son’s sake. If she’s picking him up on his father’s visitation days I don’t understand what the problem is. School staff usually does not allow anyone not on a child’s record as a contact to pick up a child or even talk to them about the child. So maybe your ex gave his permission through the school…which he has a right to do as long as the person he appoints as okay to do pick up is a safe person. The three of you should sit down together and work things out to make things as easy as possible for your child.
When I had mine drawn up, my lawyer told me on the dads time the father can make any arrangements he wants as it is his time. I would probs sit down with the dad to discuss it and if you feel more of an issue I would go back to court for more iron clad orders
A good ol fashion ass wooping from mama can clear this right up.
Why are you people saying attack the girlfriend and this and that?? Do we know if the dad called the school in advance to let them know the gf was coming to drop off the custody agreement? Nope. This mom stated their original custody agreement was amended for the dad’s visitation to start after school on Thursday. Per that amendment, if the school hours change, his visitation time changes as well. The dad has every right to designate his girlfriend or anyone else for that matter to pick up his child for his time. The mom that posted this question sounds very bitter and jealous. She should be thankful that dad has brought someone into their lives that actually loves the child and is willing to help care for the child instead of neglecting him. The only overstepping I see is about who to call if the child gets sick in school on a Thursday, as the dad’s visitation doesn’t start until after school. I have been on both sides of this situation, I have two bio kids of my own and I am a stepmom to two kids. This mom needs to but her pettiness to the side and put her son’s wants and needs first.
I would be upset only at the fact you were not informed. When I was married to my ex, he never picked them up from school. It was me or my mom usually but their mom knew about it. That’s the shit part and what makes it weird. However, if it’s his time, he can designate who he wants to get them on his behalf. Either way, you and him need to have a serious conversation. Especially if she’s telling them they’re married. The school should also not allow a phone call to change a pick up, unless an absolute emergency and the school is familiar with the situation. Idk. She seems like a little much
I don’t know why your questioning this go to the school tell them she has zero legal rights over him tell her straight that she won’t be picking your son up then tell your ex the same she has no right to call the school and say this or handing paperwork over he needs to sort her out
The dad is allowed to have her pick him up 8f it’s on his day. Turning in your paperwork I would be mad but her picking him up at the time dad is supposed to pick him doesn’t seem like a big deal. I pick up my husbands kids all the time for him while he is at work.
If they’ve been together for a while - and is committed and loves your child - I dont see the issue. Id ask to just be informed as to who had them that day since LEGALLY it is his time. Coming from a step and bio mother.
Since she is not a parent the school should not be discussing anything with her.,Make the school aware she is not the step parent.
If she’s done all this with the fathers consent and approval I don’t see a problem. There is nothing wrong with having a wider support network for a child, more adults for them to built a trusting relationship with should you or your ex be unavailable.
However if she’s done this without his knowledge to insert her place in his life I would definitely have a problem with that and call for the parenting orders to be adhered to with you being the contact should he not be available
Yes you should, she has no rights at all and I’d be calling my attorney and going to the school to make sure no one is allowed to pick them up besides you and the dad. I would go off at her blatant disrespect. It would be different if her and your ex had asked you or talked to you about it but being she did it on her own hell fuck no.
I would raise so much he’ll in that school they would hear it in Australia! You need to talk to someone in the schools administration office. Then call your attorney and have him send her a letter regarding misrepresenting herself. Your son should not be.picked up by anyone but you or his dad.
Everyone is shitting on her here and ignoring the part where his dads girlfriend told the school not to contact his mother if something happens on “his time”. It doesn’t matter. She had no right to do that. If his dad is working and the time is set at 4:30 because that’s when he’s off then he is still her responsibility until then. It also says she went to the school without either parents knowledge, so the mom and dad talked about it. She overstepped and is in the wrong 100%. All of you calling her a bitter baby mom would be the first ones to lose your mind if someone did that to you
Most of the responses here make it pretty clear these women view their kids as pawns and their parenting time as superior to the father’s parenting time. If it’s his parenting time there is no reason his girlfriend shouldn’t be able to pick up his child. Father’s parenting time includes father’s FAMILY time. There’s zero reason that child shouldn’t be fostering a positive caring relationship with dad’s girlfriend as well unless there’s legitimate safety concerns.
Does mom have a boyfriend? Does she really do all the driving and pick ups and looking after of the kids with no assistance from anyone ever while the kids are in her custody?
Everyone here sounds incredibly bitter and angry, not remotely thinking of the children’s best interest if your go to is to “raise hell”.
You are absolutely right and if she doesn’t back off you need to see your lawyer asap
Well at least my husbands custody agreement if it’s on his time he can have anyone of his choosing to pick up my son mom has no say because it his time so I pick him Saturday and drop of Sunday have been doing so for the past 7 years I also pick him up on Wednesdays from school to have dinner with us … I don’t agree with her showing up and yes he’s in mom’s care until set time Soo technically the GF is so wrong sonos dad I’d have a chat with Ex
Id be furious. She is overstepping in a big way. You need to call your ex and let him know this is not ok a d id let the school have it. They arent responsible for the court stuff just the fact you are the mother you get first refusal to care if he cant should be a no brainer seeing is that you clearly have shared custody. I went through this years ago where my ex marched a long litany of dumb broads through my daughters lives and more than a few tried playing mommy. Sometimes there has to be hardball. He needs to know that this will never happen again.
I would allow her to pick him up IF dad wants that on his days. I would also make sure that damn school knows she is NOT his stepmother and had NO rights in ANY of the decisions to be made in his life UNLESS either his father or you are not physically able to make them. She had no right to do any of that and the school should have contacted you about it when she tried.
Your in a sticky situation honestly but don’t be afraid to put YOUR FOOT DOWN. So many factors to her overstepping and if she really has that leg to stand on. However be upfront with your sons father. Nothing changes if honesty isn’t kept all the way around.
Honestly if they aren’t legally married, she just hung herself.
Put her on the not allowed to pick up my child list. That is absolute bullshit.
Does she mistreat him? How long have they been together? It seems like you just don’t like her here
You need to go back to court and have the agreement changed since the child now gets out of school at 2:20. You also need to file a complaint with the school because unless she is a custodial parent or guardian she cannot call and give her two cents about who picks up your child. If she is listed as someone who can pick him up then thats ok, but she must be listed and only if mom or dad cannot pick up the child or if mom or dad call the school and say the gf is picking him up. She definitely had no business taking in any court documents that is something that you as mom should have provided the school with upon registration. While there are some things the gf should not have done, it sounds like you need to have a sit down w dad and talk and agree on new arrangements. If she felt she had the right to do that it’s probably because he allowed her too. At some point all 3 of you need to sit down and talk like adults, obviously you know of her and that she is around your son, so if she said step mom than seems to me she has been around for a while.
You need to get you arse in there pronto and clear this up with the principle. The school shouldn’t be speaking to the girlfriend period!,
You speak up and advocate for your son. As well as speak to your son’s father… God knows and my Angels , I’ve been through some shit w my boys dad!!! Seems if I understand you are custodial parent or shared… That, whomever has no rights. And now unfortunately ( as I had to do), is have to put your personal business out to have your child’s back as well as your own!!! You got this. Stay strong n up… For your kid. I felt weak at one point and all against me making me doubt myself… Biggest mistake n regret of my life and world… Stand up and speak up. Forgive my words, but F$&_+ that low life … Obviously she is not out for your son’s best interest . It’s all about her… I’m just saying. You got this!!! Xo much love
You should be the one making the choices and final decisions. Not her. She has NO RIGHT to be doing any of that at all. She is absolutely over stepping her boundaries, and being totally disrespectful In my eyes. At the end of the day she has no say and dad should be contacting YOU about it all. This is between the two parents, not boyfriends/girls friends/ step parents.
Even my sons school wouldn’t let you sons step dad (who he lives with) to go with him until I I had it in writing and prof that we live with him AND my son agree he knows him.
Like I know she’s over stepping boundaries, but the school isn’t listing to the MOM OR DAD. I agree with Zack Abby Sullivan, it’s the school to blame and talk to them about figuring things out.
This just makes me more thankful that my stepdaughters mother and I have always gotten along. Honestly she knows I love her daughter with my whole heart and would do anything for her. My stepdaughter knows we are all one big team. When you divide like this, it makes it so hard on the kid. Even when we were dating her mother was so kind to me!
First, talk to the school. Make it clear her arrangement is inappropriate and not valid.
Second, have a convo with his dad. Let him know the BS that’s going on.
Third, have a private convo with her woman to woman and let her know she’s crossing the damn boundaries.
I wish I had these problems.
Be happy he has a caring gf who cares for your sons wellbeing! You need a sit down with all three of you and decide what is best for the child. Don’t get emotional, it’s not a competition, you’ll always be Mommy but 3 people loving a little boy can be priceless! Share the Love 
You’re right. That b***h needs to step back. Even if they were married it wouldn’t be acceptable or appropriate. I would put her on the “not to pickup” list. That is completely unacceptable.
Id be more alarmed that they just took her word for it on her being his step mom…
Sorry she’s a girlfriend not a wife. I wouldn’t be ok with it either. Especially if it states in their custody arrangements that the other parent is supposed to be used as a babysitter when the other parent isn’t available.
people be really on here trying to figure out what to do with their life? Girl if u don’t dogwalk that damn gf and call it a day:unamused:. I wish my ex husband ‘s wife would try some mess like that. But then again, people know who to mess with cuz crazy know crazy and some crazies 
you don’t mess with:woman_shrugging:t4:. You his mother put your foot down firmly!!
Put her on the “not allowed to pick up my kid from school” list ASAP and tell the school she’s not his parent and not allowed to make changes to any of his arrangements.
Oh hell no… I would go to the school. If she is not on the list to pick him up then they legally cannot release him to her.
I feel if the school allowed him to go with her, that would be a huge violation. How freakin scary. This girl needs to back off and understand what’s already in place. I’d be pisssed!!!
I think you are in a really emotional space. It sounds to me that she’s being supportive of the custody agreement.
I think that you should look at this more as your son having someone else who truly cares about him and that is great. Most parenting plans do have what’s called the ‘right of first refusal’ (the babysitting section you refer to) but there is usually a time constraint on it. Meaning that if it is greater than a certain amount of time, the other parent must be offered the opportunity to parent. That time is usually 4 hours. The parenting plan does state that his time begins after school which means that whenever school gets out, it is Dad’s time. Unless you have a section explicitly stating that only he can pick up the child, she is within her right to pick up in place of Dad. Although it would have been nice if this was communicated to you beforehand. Appreciate the help mama, appreciate another person loving your baby. It takes a village! It’s great that she is helping with your son and wanting to be involved - there are many moms with the opposite issue that stepmom or dads girlfriend or whatever is monstrous. Let it go, maybe even try to be her friend. Get along for your boy! I am both a mom and a stepmom and I find it’s much easier if everyone gets along and tries to see the better in the other coparents’ actions. Good luck 
Hmm I think, from when my last child was in school, the school could only release to only custodial parents. The school should have gotten your approval before they released him.
Ew. Why would someone be like that
thats not at you thats for the GF…
No. She does not get to come at this situation like that… She is not the parent. It does not mean she don’t love or care for your child. It was rude and not her place and if she wanted to help out she can say it like a respectable new comer and earn it.💁
She’s just A girlfriend. She has no rights. If you and your baby’s dad are ok with the agreement, she shouldn’t have a say so in it. I would talk to his dad and let him put her in her place.
And, that is not caring about your child. She’s on a power trip and imposing herself in a situation she doesn’t belong.
Until they get married or she is added into the parenting plan, she needs to back up. The schools where I live (as far as i know) would not allow this ish to happen. They legally cannot give her info or anything. And the fact that they allowed HER to call in and say she was picking up the child is quite concerning. And if the father is working…the girlfriend is not a parent and has zero rights to your child. If anything she should have come to you and asked if it was ok to pick up the child after school and YOU could have called to ok that
You r correct stand your ground
Sylvia L. Davila-Chapa is right !
You are completely right momma! It concerns me that she has this kind of entitlement as if she can do what she pleases without speaking to you about it. She or even he should have stepped back and atleast reached out to you to speak about the issue at hand.
I’m more concerned how easy it was for her to do all of that and the school just agree. Wtf
You need to grow up…seriously lol
Shes not over stepping…shes stepping up.
You better go to the school and get them straight. It’s concerning that they even acknowledge her, without speaking with you or the child’s father. Something is not not right with the whole thing🤨
Stand your ground. She does love him it seems but you are still his mama. Maybe have a chat with her for the child’s sake. I never been threw this nor do I know of the circumstances first hand. I just put myself in your place as the mother and if I was able to get some time with my son before he has to go back with his dad, than I sure as heck would do that in a heartbeatm dad needs to speak on this as well and if not then take them to court🤷🏾♀️
Girlfriends these days 
trying to stay relevant zzzzz Sis needs to take a step back… Alllllll the way back… Where she belongs… At the back
Sorry to say, but she is one there probably doing most of the taking care of him from Thursday to Sunday. If it is his time and he not available, and she lives with him…then ya, I say you better get over it, and work together. She probably does more for your son than you know, when he is there.
I think you should clarify as to how long this gf has been around first of all. But I understand what you’re saying. If any changes to anything concerning the child, both parents should be involved in that decision. If she’s just wanting to help, great. But BOTH parents should be involved in decision making pertaining to the child
This your son do what needs to be done. Talk with his dad. Make sure the school knows your arrangement not to let any one but u or his dad to pick him up. Tango on hav a blessed day
Moral of the story it’s actually dad’s wife and they’ve been married 5 years and mom is just bitter of new “step-mom”
Okay, so… if this was agreed upon by myself and my son’s father… I’d have NO ISSUES with it.
The fact that he allowed her to go behind your back & that the school just let her is what’s concerning to me. ANYONE could call and say, “I’m so and sos step mom and I’m picking him up today.” This doesn’t alarm anyone? Do y’all know how REAL and crazy scary this world is right now? I’m mind blown that the school allowed this.
Yep the school even talking to her about your kids if she is not on the list is hella illegal and school can be liable. Talk to school ASAP and tell them you have a lawyer and are not afraid to sue the shit outta them if they let an unlisted person have your son or his information. The fact they didn’t instantly escort her from the property is crazy.
I can see why she’s upset they didn’t ask, but that step mum sounds like she’s just trying to be there for her husband and step son.
I’m surprised the school let her take him on her word alone. I would be having a chat with the school as well, when I had my step kids, I was WAS on the pick-up list and still had to show ID and the first few times the school called mom to double check.
You can have her banned from school property. She is not a party to the agreement. That may be a little extreme, but I would let her know it’s an option if she cannot respect that you and dad are his parents, she needs to stay in her lane
Sounds a lot like my daughters dad girlfriend
Technically she’s not his parent.
The school should be getting the parents or main parent to sign something stating she’s allowed to pick him up anyway. My son’s school literally called me when I sent my partner to pick up my son for the first time and made sure it was ok even though I put his name down for pick up. If you picking him up isn’t a problem she should just deal with it and the father can pick him up afterwards. I don’t see why that should be a issue for her.
First off document everything, gather as much proof as possible, then You need to talk to the child’s dad and have him set her straight and then give it two weeks and see if anything changes and if not you need to address it with the girlfriend yourself and set her straight and if after a week or two they STILL don’t comply (a month total) contact the courts and turn in all your evidence, and in the meantime contact the school and tell them STEP MOM UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS ALLOWED TO PICK UP YOUR SON FROM SCHOOL UNLESS YOU OR THE FATHER CALL IN AHEAD OF TIME AND CONFIRM SHE IS TO PICK HIM UP!!!
Ignore the rude ass bitches here. It’s your child. Not hers. She has no legal right to do any of that. And a judge will rule that in your favor. Fuck the other women that want to bash you
Nobody jokes with my kid like this. I will come for you and your entire generation.step mom my foot! Am the mom
I would first call his dad and let him know that this isn’t acceptable to you. Then, I would call the school and let them know that this woman is his dads gf, not yet a stepmother. Then, I’d call my lawyer to let her know that I’m about to cut a bitch. I’m all for step parents and bonus children, but no. She’s WAY crossing a line.
If dad had communicated that his girlfriend would be picking up son in his stead, that would be fine. For the safety of the child, then the girlfriend’s ID should be submitted to the school along with the permission agreement between you and son’s dad. Children (especially that young!) should not be allowed to go with just any adult, that’s just common sense, that’s how bad things happen and I can’t stress that enough. Even if she is the one taking care of him all the time when it is his days to care for the son, both of the son’s parents need to know who is in care for their son. Heck, in daycare we have apps to check on who is in charge of our children that day. Definitely talk to the school about this breach in agreement. Although this is a personal agreement between you and dad, this is your child and his safety is paramount.
I would not feel comfortable having anyone other than my ex or myself trusted & relied on to pick a child this age up…
My question is why would the school talk to someone about your son without them being on their check out sheet in the childs folder??? Bc if that school would be willing to discuss pick up with someone unrelated to said child and not on the childs check out sheet, then id be yanking my child out of that school bc who knows who the school would allow to get my kid or anyone elses kid?!!!
If the girlfriend is permanently in your exs life and wants to be a good future step parent, try not to be petty. She did over step calling the school saying she’ll pick him up, but the school usually needs a parent’s signature to make those requests, so maybe he gave them permission. If they get him on Thursday the gf picking him up it’s not that huge of a deal. It’s the dads time and that’s who he wants to pick your son up.
The school should at least be getting permission from both you and the father but if I think she’s pretty decent, then I wouldn’t really have a problem with it
Since it wasn’t stated that y’all have some type of arrangement for this scenario she shouldn’t even be able to pick him up. If the school allows it, I would definitely hold them accountable if something happened. If you’re not comfortable with it, just tell the school that you don’t want her picking him up.
She can’t tell them anything. She is not a party nor does she have custody over the child. I would have a chat with him and make it CLEAR she had no business involved.
The girlfriend is WAY overstepping her bounds. Like, about to step into an asswhoopin, overstepping. She can not make any decisions concerning anyone’s kids but her own.
It sou,ds like the GF is trying to help but in a pushy way. Maybe try talking to the both of them together calmly like ADULTS and work it out. If she is good to your kid, your kid is comfortable with why not let her help. Getting along and working together is always best. You have everyright to be upset about her approach to it, but you will never know her logic,or reasoning behind it unless you talk to her.
Yes it should be you. She sounds like she’s going to be nothing but trouble, I’m so sorry mama.
I would inform the school she’s not legally his step mom and they’ve been letting him leave with a stranger because that woman and his father are not legally married legally she is not his stepmother. They can get in a lot of trouble for allowing a child to leave with someone that is not a parent and I would inform them that she is not his legal parent in any way . Regardless of the custody agreement she isn’t supposed to be picking him up because she’s not a parent they did not have permission from you or from his father for her to come and get him from school and they need to be informed that she’s not his stepmother legally.