This isn’t a right of refusal situation so your sons dad is in his right to ask his GF to pick up his son on his time
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Yes she overstepped by calling the school, absolutely. If you’re willing to pick him up, there’s no reason for her to be involved at all, especially since she’s not in the order. However, on the flip side, it is dad’s day. I suggest contacting your lawyer to hash this out if you cannot come to an agreement with your ex about how to handle this situation.
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Why are people being damn rude to her? First off her child, her call… who is this “girlfriend” and why does she think it’s ok for her to make the calls as of who does what and when? The kid has two capable parents… I would flip some crap because first off she should not be contacting the school AT ALL she has no custody, and no right eff her 
and it’s not out of “bitterness” it could be the kid’s grandmother or any other family member I don’t care I would feel the same way
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Right of first refusal… parents ALL are notified so yes legally you should. NOT her
If it’s his parenting time he is responsible to find someone to pick up your son. If she is the live in girlfriend and she has been in a long term relationship with your child father, and he has given her permission to pick up your son than that’s okay. I agree she could have spoken to you first but that also depends how the relationship is between you and her… I have been going through this with my fiancé baby mother too. Except she went to the school and tried to put that I was not allowed around her kids nor pick them up, and she’s a bitter baby momma. and according to the court papers and parenting plan they both agreed to any live in boyfriend or girlfriend is allowed to help… so if you two have a good relationship than just talk to her if not than let him figure it out in his parenting time.
I’d be happy if my daughter’s stepmom wanted to be a part of my daughter’s life. She should have asked you first though, and maybe you guys could have worked something out.
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call the school n tell them she has no rights to your son and if she picks him up ur going to the police
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Depends on if she’s doing this because dad wants her to. They are a unit and he sees it as filling his obligations. From personal experience if he said do it and it’s his time then the courts will say she’s done nothing wrong. Rude maybe but not wrong as far as custody and kids.
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So i have a son whos father is not in the picture… But my bf fills the dad roll… However… My bf also has a son and his child lives with his mother mainly… But this women hates me!!! With a passion… Ive never once said or done anything to her… Shes just one of them exs… But he handles it… And i stay in my own lane when it comes to their kid… Wanna know why??? Cause she dont need me playing step mommy… He knows if he needs anything from me yeah sure… But i would never ever do something like this to a mother… I think its disrespectful!!! Thats just my opinion… Why would i try to over step someone with their child… Kinda seems like shes trying to control the situation… Also… My son is 12 and his is 14… Weve been together for almost 5 years…
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Wouldn’t it be easier for her to get him Thursday though since he will be going over there anyway?
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Yes. You should be the one picking him up. As the custodial parent, YOU get to make the big decisions.
Have you talked to your ex about this?
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If in the court order states a specific time for pick up and drop off then the father and anyone the father is with must follow order unless agreed upon differently…
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You should feel lucky to have another woman who loves his dad enough to do those things for your son. I co parent. It’s fucking hard. But let me just say that when life was rough for us, she was no where to be found. She could have used a man by her side to keep her straight. We have sole custody and placement now. Instead of seeing it as overstepping. Look at it as going above and beyond. Maybe she will be his step mom. Maybe she will a blessing to your son. She isn’t gunna replace you. She’s hustling for her man while he’s at work. Give her props and praise. Don’t bash her for going above and beyond, because after all, it’s not about you or his dad. It’s about your son. Bonus parents (gf/bf) are sometimes a gift from god.
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If GF is not listed as an emergency person to pick up the child, the school cannot legally release the child to her. The issue here is with the school. Go get 'em, mama!
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That’s his girlfriend not his wife ! She needs to let you and him figure it out not her she’s a 3rd party to the relationship.
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Your exs new girlfriend***
Would’ve been easier to understand.
I read the title like 6x (half asleep) trying to work out who lol
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Why would she be jealous because someone is overstepping their boundaries?
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Sounds more like a control issue to me. Y’all need to communicate with each other. Maybe she thinks she’s helping? You’re making it sound like she’s being spiteful when she might think she’s doing it out of love for your child and his father. Without talking to her and your child’s father first a lot of these sound like “assumptions.” If she’s not a parent herself she might not realize how it’s making you feel by stepping in and helping (well at least in her mind she probably thinks she’s helping). A little communication might easily fix this issue.
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I don’t know who should pick him up but if his dad has an issue with you picking him up on his days then HE should be the one contacting the school and discussing it with them and also discussing it with you. She is definitely overstepping and I would be upset too.
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The school can not release the child to anyone who the custodial parent has not okayed. My daughter’s school says it’s against the law or anyone could just come and get any kid. I would talk to the dad and child and see if they are comfortable with it and voice your concern since you are not. Just be civil. If they have not been together long I wouldn’t want my child picked up by her either. She had no right to do this tho. It should of been you or the father
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She should not be able to pick him up at all.let the school know that.
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If she isn’t down to pick him up then the school cant release your son to her anyway. If his dad is working then you should collect him and have his dad collect him after work.
If she’s not named on the emergency contact information then it’s only yourself the mother or the father that can pick up your children unless you call in and they ID the person that’s how my kids schools work
Maybe she really loves your child and just wants to be apart of their life? I do agree that showing up with paper work was wrong, and she shouldn’t be going behind your backs and doing things. But I definitely don’t think she meant any wrong by it. Also, why are some mums these days so against another woman loving their child? Not all of us step-mums are horrible people 
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Hell no she has no right to do any of that
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Wth!!!
Put her in her place. Take legal actions and also you should sit and talk to both of them. Oh hell no. I’d be fuming if it were my child!!
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… where is dad at in this?
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Wow. I think it is great she is wanting to take that responsibility. Kudos to dad for finding a good one. You sound very young and selfish but kudos to dad for making sure his responsibility is upheld.
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Idc who it is. You are on the paperwork and you are M O M. Contact an attorney if you can Mom. Sending you well wishes And prayers through this situation. 
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She has no rites nd u can stop her form doing anything with ur son at anytime u want call ur lawyer set it up to where only ur ex husband can pick him up not her
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I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer- sounds like it makes you uncomfortable- and you’re not ready for that type of transition in regard to the girlfriend picking your son up on his days. She was probably trying to be kind and helpful. Again in my opinion the x should
Of called you first and talked this out with you. That’s a pretty intrusive helpful gesture. Try to be amicable and talk abojt transition , and from your understanding things haven’t changed. So be respectful and discuss the change! Goodluck
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All 3 of you need to sit down as adults and figure this one out for the child’s sake and set boundaries.
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This is petty and the mother needs to grow up because I can promise the father most likely knew what she was doing and okayed it. However its so much easier to co parent that act like this and yes I have kids that have a step dad and mother and my husband has kids i am a step mother to and I have even stayed the night with his ex
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The school should no even be speaking to her about your son, unless she is listed with the school. It is not her place to send any legal documentation to the school. You should have the choice to pick up your son before anyone else, including the before the GF. She has completely over stepped, you should talk to your child’s dad and let him know its not acceptable.
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I don’t think the school can even speak to her, she’s not legally anything to your child and that is a violation of your families privacy. I’d be pissed she took the paper work in and called the school too. Definitely over stepping. How long have they been together ? Does your son feel comfortable around her ?
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Did dad tell her to do that? wtf did the dad say? I mean I’d have at least would want them to ask first.
You sound like a crazy ex baby mama drama. You wanna be in control that’s your problem. Grow up your son has a step mom and she will be picking him up from school sometime. You’re drama!
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Tell the school your not gonna have some lady who isnt one of the parents to pick him up
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How do you all know that the baby daddy’s GF doesn’t go there every Thursday and Friday to pick up the boy with him? How long have the GF and him been together for? Why so petty. Maybe get to k ow both of them and not be so selfish? Your child picks up on shit like this. They all do and in the future they will resent you for it.
BTW the school can get in shit for that yes. If you’re not comfortable with it then fix it. But dont be petty.
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I think you should talk to your sons dad first, to find out what he said. Did she do this with his permission? Why can’t she pick him up? She’s a part of his life as well. Has she proven herself to be Irresponsible?
She has ZERO legal say in anything!you need to talk to the father.
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What does the father have to say about all of this? I would talk one on one with him and express concerns and come to an agreement with him. Then HE can relay the message to the girlfriend and put her in her correct lane.
Did the release him to her?? If so I would be all over them!! She does NOT have the right to do that and you need to put a stop to it NOW and tell her you will call the police if she tries picking him up again. They are NOT married and it is not legal for her to do that… If you can you might get a lawyer to send her a nice letter about it…
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Take the original paperwork up there and let them know she is not authorized to pick up your child. She’s not a step mother, she’s a girlfriend and she is definitely crossing boundaries.
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If you aren’t aware of the arrangements, I’d say that’s overstepping, and be pissed 
This seems like something that needs to be arranged with all parties involved…
If she has been in the picture for quite a while, I don’t see why you’d have an issue, unless there is no trust.
If she is a good stepmom and you’r child is ok with the situation, what is the problem here?
Do you have an issue with her as a person or is this a jealously thing? 
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I honestly don’t see the problem, I love when my sons father’s girlfriends help out and want to be apart of my children’s lives. A forewarning would have been nice but sometimes the mom’s are defensive so I see both sides I’m a mother and I’ve been the acting “stepmom” as well. At the end of the day they may eventually be married but its showing that she is putting effort into your child when is all when can hope for as mother that our child are loved and treated kindly. Definitely talk to her about it, we’re all adults and should be able to communicate.
I would speak to your sons father about it privately, as long as you are on good speaking terms and ask him why you aren’t being consulted about other people picking up your child from school. She does appear to be taking it upon herself to say and do things that aren’t really her business. But, perhaps your sons dad actually gave her those papers, asked her if she would be able to pick him up after school since he isn’t able to, etc. I would definitely speak to him directly before freaking out completely.
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I’m not sure what state you’re in but if he has visitation anyone can pick her up if he says so.
I’m in Oklahoma and this happened to me but at the time we had joint custody as a temporary agreement.
Now I have sole custody and he gets visitation every three weeks for the weekend but I get all decision making…
I would speak with your attorney since you have sole.
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For me it would depend on, how long there relationship has been going on, and how close they are. Maybe a visit to see how everything goes how they interact how he trusts her. If the dads supposed to get him on Thursdays then let her pick him up, it’s his day. Why make it more difficult.
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She might be overstepping a little bit as far as calling the school and giving them the custody agreements. As far as her picking him up I guess it depends on the wording in the custody agreement. If it says he gets him after school that day then he can have someone get him in his place. I do a lot for my stepson and I normally do the majority of the dropping off and picking up. I have even taken him to his doctors appointments when he needs to go when we have them. Again we are married and I have a decent relationship with my stepsons mom.
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I didn’t have any help any days picked my daughter up she sat in my truck till after work
Y’all all three need to talk about this as a team. I’m a mom of 5 teenagers/young adults and I did nearly all the raising of my kids on my own with little help unless I asked for the help even through two marriages. My second husband wasn’t the father of my kids but he did make an effort to get along with their father and we all three would discuss how to care for the kids in the event that one of us actually weren’t able to be there due to doctors appointments, work etc. if your blessed to have help from a girlfriend/boyfriend of your ex then don’t get mad just make sure your all three on the same page and show your kids they are loved and cared for by all of y’all. Some people grow up not having anyone in their lives that care ( I raised myself from age 12 in CPS) it’s not their fault but that kind of situation does effectively make their lives worse. It’s a blessing that you have an opportunity to grow as a family even if you feel like she is not yet a member of your family.
This is not selfish or petty or childish… This is a mother who is having her son be picked up without consent by someone else… To be honest if she is willing to pick him up and wants to spend time with him then you’re lucky, half the battle is the new woman liking and accepting the child… But realistically she should have asked you first if you were ok with it and if that arrangement was ok… Do yous get on? If you don’t then maybe u news to make a new agreement with the child’s dad… If you get on with the girlfriend then just have a chat with her and explain that you like that she wants to be involved and have no problem with it but there are boundaries and she needs to run things like this by you first as the child’s mam… X
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Woah 
I dont see a problem with this I would actually love my daughter to have a step mum who wants to be involved in her life and invest time in her being an active parent and all that jazz
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She has zero legal rights to tell the school anything!
She definitely crossed boundaries. She had no right to drop off any legal documents that do not concern her. That’s between you and your ex to handle. If she wants to pick up your son, then she should have picked up the phone and asked out of respect. It doesn’t matter if she’s his girlfriend. It doesn’t matter if she’s going to be his wife someday and is trying to be apart of your son’s life. Until the day they say “I do” comes or until you and your ex have given her permission to do things, she needs to step back unless asked. I can’t believe the school just allowed her to pick up your son without checking her ID to see if she married the father or without calling you or his father first. What if she lied about who she was and just took off with your kid? Call me crazy, but that’s ridiculous.
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Talk to EACHOTHER not Facebook and figure out a solution. Our opinions on this dont matter you want validation to be pissed and of you have no knowledge of them havung this arrangement of picking up your son then theres a communication problem. If toure feeling uneasy and you arent speaking up thats also a communication problem. Communicate. With. Each. Other.
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Get a lawyer and put her in her place
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Wow she needs to be put in her place by you or his dad. She should not have been allowed to take him and I certainly would be ripping the school a new one for that. Anyone could print up a paper and take it to them and they didn’t even call to verify it was authentic. Makes me scared for your child
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I’m kinda wondering who the kid is here.
How about instead of saying over and over again that you are the main person in ur son’s life try being an adult first and have a conversation with ur son’s father about why they didn’t talk with u about the changes.
Yes she may have over stepped by doing what she has done but stop and think for a second… how lucky is ur son to have another person in his life that obviously loves and cares for him.
She and ur ex look as though they are trying to create a strong routine for the days They have custody.
Either u are jealous of this happening and just want to create havoc between them or u r not telling the entire story.
I’m sure u do not tell ur ex of every change that u make regarding ur son.
Be an adult and speak to them.
If she is a good person and wants nothing but the best for ur son u need to ask urself whats the real issue here.
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Be greatful she cares enough to want to help look after your kid…
You dont get a say in his future wife nor does he in your partners… unless abusive etc… ul find life so much easier if u accept rather than fight…this is about your KID… NOT you…
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I am a mom and step mom myself. My step kids call me their step mom on their own, their dad and I are NOT married. But their dad also works out of town throughout the week and home on weekends, right now we have 50/50 custody, so my step kids are with ME 50% of the time. It has nothing to do with overstepping boundaries. If the step mom is willing to help and pick the child up and the dad is ok with it, then there should be no problem. You are being a bitter baby mama. Why don’t you build a relationship with the other woman in your child’s life and start thinking about the child comes first! I have had plenty of ups and downs with baby mama, hate, friendship and everything else in between. BUT I put my kids first. And shockingly me and their dad have only been together for a little over two and half years…
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You submit your documents and notify the school that the “stepmom” girlfriend is not married and is not the legal parent what so ever. If the father is not capable then the school should not allow anyone other then you or the father to pick your child up.
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So a lot of assumptions are being made here. Dad obviously has her around the child and has ok’d this. According to family law what one parent does on their custody time isn’t the concern of the other parent in high conflict cases. Unless there is cause for a safety concern which there isn’t. This is a blatant example of counter parenting not Co parenting. This would make OP life easier stop the emotions from messing shit up
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I feel like this is just you being a bitter baby mama. If it’s his day, why couldn’t she pick him up? I don’t think she’s overstepping at all.
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Best advice…think about the situation as a whole. Your child is in Kindergarten. You have a very long time to coordinate and communicate his logistics with your ex and whoever else enters the family dynamic. If she is responsible, helps take care of your son as far as meals, homework, sports activities, and such, you may want to pick your battles and let this ride. He could end up with someone horrible if this chic leaves the relationship.
If you choose to act, talk to your lawyer and let him know you feel that the “first rights of refusal” is not being honored. But, an hour or 2 until dad gets off work (especially with the Covid situation) is going to be hard to pass by a family court judge as “contempt”.
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Legally speaking, she can’t. She has no legal authority to pick up your son in place of her boyfriend. She isn’t him, and isn’t seen as a substitute authority without your consent. Short answer is, no. She’s not just overstepping, she is committing what is called “custodial interference” a misdemeanor in some states, a felony in others. In my state (Indiana) specifically, as an example, unless someone lives in the same household and is related “by blood or by marriage” (according to my state guidelines), they cannot provide childcare unless agreed upon by both parties. There are reasons there are laws against things like this protecting the custodial parent. I suspect the “you’re jealous” comments stem from someone whose been on the opposite side of a similar scenario. Let me be clear. Nothing no one pegs you to be in a derogatory way, makes you so. Seek guidance from a lawyer. You aren’t in the wrong.
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The school should not be allowed to release your child to anyone without signed consent. What happens when future ex girlfriend picks up child after split up…hell no. Not my kid. Step parent maybe but they would be well checked out before my kid is left in anyone’s care.
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This happend to me… I went to the judge and had it put in writing in the current order that the girlfriend of the father is to not be involved in anything concerning the minor children including anything pertaining to school, drs, camp, etc…
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Let it go babe. It’s not worth it. If she is good to your son, then embrace her as an equal. If the custody agreement says after school he goes to dads then I would treat Thursday morning as your mom check out time, it’s her time to check in at that point.
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Honey shes only a girlfriend. Put the lady in check and set them boundries. She has no legal responsibility to your son.
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She sounds responsible the way you tell it why are you so angry as an other mother you really need to understand her position in family dynamic also she sounds like she trying and you really come off as me me me bitter be happy someone Wants to love your children the way you do
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The gf is telling the school to NOT call the mother. That alone is concerning. Everyone seems to be looking over that bit and attacking mom for what is a justifiable issue from her side. Wanting to help is one thing but telling the school what to do WITHOUT the PARENTS, as in both, being present is not ok. Secondly the school isn’t even allowed to give the child to just anyone the PARENTS haven’t given permission to. Nor was is even necessary let alone appropriate for the gf to take THEIR paperwork for whatever reason. She shouldn’t be doin anything on her own without the other parties being fully aware and in agreement with decisions. Acting on her own and telling the school not to contact mom is not a helpful gesture.
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Obviously the biggest problem is communication. She shouldn’t be doing anything like that without speaking to you beforehand. If she’s a new girlfriend then she’s really overstepping. If she’s been in the picture for a while then you need to sit down with her and let her know that she needs to communicate with you instead of going behind your back. To be honest, she’s a girlfriend not a wife and she has no legal right to be speaking to his school. I would let the school know she has no legal rights to make any decisions regarding your son and she is just your ex’s girlfriend. I would contact her and your ex and have a sit down so you can all communicate like adults. I would also let her know that you appreciate that she cares about your son and wants to be involved but you don’t want her contacting his school anymore since she has no legal rights to do so.
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Can we tag the Dad (Ex) and the girlfriend to get both sides? I got questions
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School should have a copy of the custody agreement. They will honor the decision of the custody parent, not the girlfriend. Talk to your ex and make sure he understands this so he can make sure his girlfriend understands.
I think the whole point is this was done without her knowledge. I’m sure she has zero problem with girlfriend stepping in but making these kinds of decisions without knowledge is overstepping. Turning in documents that don’t pertain to you is overstepping. And the school should do better on who makes these decisions. BC had that not really been the stepmomma that would have been a problem
call the school, because shes not on any of your sons school paperwork they cant even legally speak to her about your son without you or your ex there, but especially since you have primary sole custody. .
it has nothing to do with being a bitter babymomma, it has to do with the school cannot do ANYTHING that woman has told them/asked them to do. and the school definetly needs to be put in their place over that one. especially because ANYBODY can claim they are so and so’s parents girlfriend/boyfriend and there to get the child and then walk off with the kid.
yes you need to talk to your ex and his girlfriend about this because what she did even legally is overstepping as she isnt the parent or legal guardian or the child. 🤷🏻
im being an adult about this as a child of divorced parents.
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What the hell is her problem
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Girl friend sounds like she’d try to steal this kid. And the school letting her do that sounds sketchy af too. Maybe find a school that doesn’t violate children’s information that’s dangerous af
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I’m a step mom to my 5 year old daughter and her mom and I didn’t get along at first. I’ve been in my daughter’s life since she was 2. What’s helped us is communication between all 3 of us. I treat her like my own but the 3 of us have a good relationship and can communicate openly. It wasn’t always this way, it took A LOT of work. But you as the childs mother, need to be able to speak to your ex about your concerns and your boundaries and find what works best for the 3 of you! If she doesn’t respect you than I would suggest talking to your ex and having him tell her that what she’s done is not ok. I hope this helps
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Ummm no she needs to back up!!! Aint none of her business!!
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I honestly don’t see any issues with it. The custody arrangements say right on it they can have who they see fit to do their running for them. I don’t see why you’re making a big deal out of having a good support system for your child… hate to break it to you but she is the step mom. And she is allowed to help him because they are also a team and they are running their household together… get a grip
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Better put ole girl in her place and remind her who tf you are. The school can’t release your child without a written note. I’d have already pulled her ass out of her house lol.
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Yes mama, YOU SHOULD!! What a bitch she is.
Sit down as adults with the sole well being of the child in mind. You are not co-parenting, you are counter- parenting… 5he girlfriend did everything wrong in this case and if Dad allowed it to happen, the fault is his. But TRY to work it out like grown adults before you chose a legal route.
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I would let the school know who is able to pick him up etc
Fuck her… she aint shit to ur kid. U are the mom and he is the dad and she has no say in anything… put her in check and update the court order
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Eh, I’m stepmom too… On our week I take to school, pick up, do homework, take sick calls, manage dentist (she does doctor) … we are all a team for this dude. As long as he’s taken care of that how we operate. We’ve been at it close to 9 years and it works.
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Sounds like she is stepping up in dad’s home let them handle things on dad’s time which you stated and you do you. Now if she was beating him that would be another story. Take notes and see their interactions. Im both bio and stepmama. Relax they got it at his time.
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This is a girlfriend not a wife. I would see it differently if she was a stepmom but she is NOT. Therefore has no right whatsoever to be in your child’s school. She can’t pick him up unless you or the father list her as a pick up person and if the school releases your child to her without that, you need to address it with them immediately.
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It’s disgusting how quick you females are to bash on the step mother figure who is caring, loving and compassionate to your child. So messed up. My child’s father has a girlfriend who he’s been with for two years now, we text about transportation, exchange photos of my daughter and carry a conversation here and there. It all comes down to doing what’s best for the child. Some of you are just so petty and hateful. 
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You son’s school just did a no-no. They breached a confidence and HIPPA law if I am right. They are not supposed to discuss anything with her unless he has signed a release. I would as the school if he has. Even then they have to abide by the legal documents. I know as I have been through it. I would contact your lawyer.
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The girlfriend is an extension of the dad and if she is available on dads days to get son while his dad is at work then that really isn’t in your control because it is dads parenting time.
A lot of times a live in partner doesn’t “count” in right for refusal.
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It’s his parenting time. Let him figure things out in a way that works for them and also the child, so that he can enjoy that time without his mother always inserting herself into it. And also, be free of the responsibility of having to worry about it, unless there is an issue at hand.
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Go talk to her about it.
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i’d be filing a complaint against the school! if you don’t have her down as a contact or pick up they are way out of line letting him go with her and she is way out of line for what she did considering she’s only the girlfriend and not even a wife
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You are probably handling this way better than me, because I would be flipping out on her and him. I’m already freaking out because my ex husbands girlfriend is posting pics of “her kids” that are actually mine, as her cover photo on Facebook.
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This is such a power tripping post. Don’t believe for a second the girlfriend didn’t get full authority from the dad to pick up. If she brought the documents to the school, it was likely because the school requested them to prove its dad’s time since the mom likely didn’t previously give them authority for the pick up. I dont even care about the “legalities” here. I think it is RIDICULOUS for a capble father (who is obviously capable because they have joint physical custody), to not have ANY SAY SO over his own child!. I am a mother to 3 little girls who have had their dad’s girlfriend in their lives for the past 5 years and she and their father are both on the pickup list. In fact I encourage pick ups, and her involvement in those, because I want my kids to have excellent, healthy relationships with their dad and his g.f. You guys. This should never be about the claim of the child, and who has what custody. They are not property! They are human beings and deserve to have everyone they can, love them.
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Legally. Her calling the school or not. You or dad have to put her on the contact list/pick up list. She just can’t demand things from them. Its a safety issue. No matter what she brought in to the school.
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