As a “stepmom without a ring” I would never do this without all involved parties giving the ok. This doesn’t necessarily have to be something where too much of a blow up is needed, my advice would be to ask dad if you guys can all talk about from now on everyone coming to an agreement. Even if there is a court agreement any changes have to be mutually agreed upon. Honestly, you should be contacted if he is sick, but I understand why they feel it makes sense for her to be called on the day they are to pick him up from school. My bf and I have 5 kids, only the youngest is ours together. It takes a lot of patience even when you want to blow up. I don’t feel her intentions were to step on toes. But I’m also trying to be non-biased
Hahahah oh I wish a bitch would !
Believe it or not it’s what ever the courts decision is made
Grr all you people saying shes being petty are super frustrating to me! These are her mama bear feelings regardless of what you think! “Just be grateful shes in his life?” What?!?! Is this for real? Of course she would want whoever the dad is with to be good to her baby. Duh. But this is WAY over stepping and that lady needs to be put in her place. Mom comes number ONE regardless! She has every right to have a say and to get her son! Handle that mama. Call that school immediately. I dont care what she showed them. That doesn’t put her in ANY position of power. Call it petty if you want. Thats your baby. And the dads but honestly mostly yours at this point. She has zero rights.
13 Likes
It would be different if they were married but as a gf she should have asked BOTH of you if it was ok and gone down there together to add her on the release papers.
2 Likes
Yes, and I would tell the school only his dad or you can pick up your son. And his dad’s girlfriend can mind her own business.
4 Likes
And also, yikes at you ladies with the “girlfriend” shaming. We don’t all get married. Girlfriends matter too and it’s a veryyyyy bitter gross view to say otherwise. Sheesh y’all. Stepparents matter too, and sometimes they matter more 
8 Likes
You’re being petty and using your child as a weapon of control over your ex. Be happy that there is someone who wants to love and be there for your child.
4 Likes
I have a HUGE issue with the fact the school spoke to someone on the phone who is not a parent, or even an emergency contact, and then released your child to her without explicit written and verbal confirmation it’s okay to do so. As for the gf how long has she been involved, did your ex tell her to do that, have you spoken to him about this?
8 Likes
I’m pretty sure if she doesn’t have authorization from both of you in the paperwork for school she can’t do that. No one is allowed to have any information or able to pick my daughter up unless they are on the paper to pick her up and have an id. I would be calling the school.
6 Likes
Regardless of relationship status im sorry but the first thing that popped into my head is she even authorised to pick up?? … for my sons pre school you have to be named on the list and know a password to collect the child unless your a legal gaurdian … you also have to notify the school in advance that a non guardian will be collecting… so relationships aside I would be seriously concerned about your sons schools safeguarding policy
9 Likes
Yes you should if that’s what your decree states. My ex and I have right of first refusal in our decree. This means if I am not available he has first choice to get them and vice versa. I would be livid if my ex’s WIFE did this, let alone a girlfriend.
I am a stepmom and I can for certain say that she is over-stepping. I do agree that during his time, he can have her pick up if that’s his choice, but she should never be a main contact over you or him. And she needs to respect whatever agreement you and your child’s father have figured out. Have a conversation with him about this, because he may not be happy about it either. She needs to be respectfully put in her place and reminded that she is not “mom” to that child no matter how bad she wants to be. It’s best coming from her boyfriend because he needs to be sure she isn’t going behind his back or making decisions that he should be making, not her. I hope this helps!
10 Likes
Ok you are the momma.
Make a quick visit to the school.
SHE has zero rights. SHE can’t determine anything.SHE is no one.
Even if they were married SHE still has no rights to your child. Without your husband going down SHE can’t do shit.
Now that said, he probably asked her to, remind him HE needs to do that.
He might have been the one that told her to call or go down to the school talk to the father about it first before u lose it on the girlfriend
4 Likes
I’ve been stepmom for several years now, and I still can’t get my stepdaughters from school. I’m not in any paperwork stating I can get them, and I never get them without getting explicit permission from their dad AND mom. I think she is overstepping, and if your ex disagrees with it then you can all go back to court. However, is that really what you want?
3 Likes
His parent time starts on Thursday … what’s wrong with her getting your son a couple of hours early. The problem with females these days is that they don’t attempt to get along with the new woman in the picture. Would make more sense if you could be civil enough to allow her to pick him up if she is in the step mom role
6 Likes
Thank goodness me and my children’s dad are still together and plan on being together forever !!! I can’t deal with the nonsense
2 Likes
My kids dad’s gf kept referring to herself as mom. Took kids to ER (for ridiculous reasons, i wouldn’t mind if it was needed however it’s their way of stirring trouble and saying they are sick when going there. All of which was negative proven by doctors) I expressed my concern to them amd tried to talk it out, then she then took my daughter to get her EARS PIERCED and signed as her mom! Unfortunately it came down to me having to take them back to court to have a judge tell her not to and have it written in the order. Judge also told her she was very lucky i wasnt pressing charges. Ugh i feel ya momma stay tough, you know what’s right and dont back down!
1 Like
Nip that in the bud ASAP. Its awesome she wants to be involved, but she needs to know her place. Might want to involve dad as well.
5 Likes
Every state has different laws but I know for sure in my state (and most likely most) teachers, schools, etc are not permitted to talk to anyone about a child other than their parents or who is listed in a custody agreement/granted permission by the parents and/or courts . They most definitely should not be releasing a child to anyone who is not on the form authorized for pick up. I would most certainly not only talk to my ex about this situation but I would also be talking to the school. Thankfully, the person who picked up your child was someone who actually had the intention of getting the child to a parent. If the school did not have the authorization of the parents there is absolutely no situation where it would be OK for them to release the child to her. That is an extremely dangerous practice.
2 Likes
And you are absolutely NOT being petty.
1 Like
I would have an issue with how she went about it not the part where she picks him up…the school should not have talked to her about it either… that should have been an agreement all three of you made not just her
3 Likes
You are his parent not her…you need to put your foot down
3 Likes
Picking up son isnt the problem. Taking paperwork to a school about somebody else child is too much. If dad cant pick up said child then he and mom can make other arrangements it not up to step parents especially w/o consent. She doing too much. And if dad knew beforehand he should have told her let me handle the paperwork just get the baby and i will tell mom.
6 Likes
Update the parenting agreement to reflect your son’s schedule and what works for both parents.
This subject is just touchy to me, I’m the girlfriend in the scenario and when it’s (fathers) visitation and he’s unavailable I’m to be called to pick said child up, or if child is sick, ect. When we do the visitation swap I always am the one to bring the kids to meet with their mother so I think you all need to sit down and talk about it.
However I didn’t just jump and start doing all these things like she is doing it was talked about me and there father made these arrangements the mother was only notified when the father then I were not available at the time on HIS scheduled days then they reach out to mom because it’s always a hassle trying to get them back from the mother.
So I would sit down talk with dad, girlfriend and see what the heck is going on why she just all the sudden is stepping in and trying to take everything over.
4 Likes
It sounds like you, Dad, and his girlfriend should sit down and have a civil conversation about this.
3 Likes
She can go to jail for kidnapping if she takes your child off school grounds without your permission. Even if dad gave permission YOU have sole legal custody. I would send her a little reminder!
8 Likes
YES YES YES .if shes not on his p/u list she should not be handed your child
1 Like
School is supposed to h a safe place first of all second they aren’t married not to mention she isn’t a legal guardian the school has no right to talk to her about anything unless u give her permission that is in so many violations in ny anyway terrible call the town call the principal this is so wrong on so many levels 
4 Likes
How long has the girlfriend been in your son’s life? Is she mean to him or does she treat him right? If she treats him right and takes care of him and he feels comfortable around her, I dont see the problem here. I think you’re just being super territorial over the fact that there is another woman in your son’s life. You will always be mommy. Dont be petty.
12 Likes
She has no right to get your child without your ok and you pick up son when father unable .
2 Likes
She is NOT a step parent. The school has no business discussing your child with her at all tbh.
2 Likes
The schools legally can’t even talk to her or turn him over to her unless she was added to the schools paperwork. You may need to discuss with the principal.
3 Likes
YES YOU SHOULD BE PICKING HIM UP! They are not married and she has no legal right to have any say… she doesn’t even have legal rights even if they were married unless she was on signed documents. It’s to much understanding that those documents aren’t hers and she could get in trouble for sharing them with others
I had to do this for my boys dad! I have sole custody, he never ever had anything to do with their schooling their ENTIRE lives till a new girlfriend appeared. She tried to pull shit, he tries to find out shot too. Because our court agreement stated NOTHING to allow him or anyone else a dessert to school stuff, it was put on record that “I” had to call to allow ANYONE even him to pick either of our boys up from school, deal with school stuff, attend school functions, etc.
Also when my bfs idiot of a baby mom tried pulling shot like having her friend pick up her son from school AND MINE! we took in the court order, showed it to the principal & went over what WE wanted not what she wanted. Since WE both had full custody, & residental, they agreed it was in kids best interest to have it on record as only me or my bf picking them up! No one else! It was also in court papers that we were to be notified only about the kids!! You DO have the right!
Yes it’s on you to pick him up and make sure he is delivered for visits you can meet him at school for drop off because she has nothing to do with your custody nor does school have any right talking to her about anything
No the gf has no right to do all that. I’d put that situation right and then I’d talk to the kids father about it because first of all she is only the gf so for her to call the school and say she is the stepmom is overstepping. Time to sit down and have a discussion about it with your child’s father before it all turns ugly. Good luck to you mama and hopefully the gf isn’t a petty person and that she respects what decisions are being made about your son between you and your child’s father.
She has no rights and she should be placed in her spot.
1 Like
If the dad wants her to he can add her to the pick up list. It would be like adding his mom or his sister. Or a babysitter. Unless the court order says only he can pick up. But she sure is doing a lot. Dad needs to be communicating with you and the school. If you don’t feel comfortable with her getting him let dad know. You might have to check your court order if you don’t want her to pick up and see what it says.
1 Like
Her saying she is the stepmom gives her no right for the school to accept any paperwork or changes from her. She is not a legal guardian nor does she have custody of your son. If it was me I’d be at that school taking her off any pick up list or phone call list and making a complaint about them sharing your sons private information with a person that is not legally allowed to do so! You being the primary legal custodial parent means you are the only person who can change any documents at the school and enroll him in school.
If it was his wife/step mom… and not just some girlfriend, it might be one thing… but this? I’d be livid.
1 Like
If I was in this scenario, I wouldnt have mind if she talked me to about it(all 3 of us sat down and had a conversation) but that fact that she is forcing all this, going behind your back and doing all this is whats making it an issue!!
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Talk to the dad 1st! Let him correct it, if he doesn’t talk to her if its still an issue…go back to court.
1 Like
If you really don’t want her involved put her on the list as a NO. But be careful, you may really need her one day.
Yup. I found this out the hard way. My now husband asked me to pick his children up fro school one day as he was working late and drop them off at his moms. Their mom flipped out on me and told me if i ever did it again she would call the cops and accused me of kidnapping. That if he or his mom could not do it then his kids needed to be worth her! And ya know what. I felt she was 100 percent correct! The more i thought about it and the way the world is today i totally agreed i over stepped.
But god she did not have to be such a bitc😳 about it.
Talk to the father. Even if he wants to take you go court he is welcome to blow his money but no judge will give her that authority unless you say so.
1 Like
I do understand how offensive that must feel but my co parenting style is going to be “trust dad and what he is comfortable with “ because I know he will never put my kid in danger. So if he had a lady who was good to my kid and she wanted to help I would let her. It takes a team to raise our littles and the team needs to work together.
3 Likes
How long have they been together?. Are they common law?. If they been together along time and live together even if there not married legally If dad has custody from Thursday after school till Sunday, he can have his partner pick the child up. If there living together there common law, Dosent matter of dad is at work or not or when the agreement was made. School will follow the agreement. I gave the schools are copies of agreements as well. Saves deal with drama. She’s not a babysitter she is his partner. I have sole custody of my son his dad had rights after school on Friday’s to Sunday. It’s his time.
2 Likes
instead of writing here, Talk to your lawyer or a lawyer about this. And when my ex husband had my kids with him & his girlfriend, i trusted her more than him,
2 Likes
Might just be an unpopular statement but is this really that terrible? Yes, this could be handled better. (The schools here require custody paperwork along with registration every year)
I think a respectful conversation should be had. Not that anyone of us know private details of your life or the father of your child’s. But either way this girlfriend will be in your sons life and she’s willing to be a part of his and pick him up from school on the days his father has him. Is that really so terrible? Mind you I’ve stated that this could be handled better on her part but there’s plenty of parents, boyfriends and girlfriends who don’t even do this or try let alone pay any attention the the children.
If the son doesn’t have anything terrible or red flag worthy to say about her then I don’t see a problem with this.
I do still think it needs to be addressed properly.
5 Likes
She has no right she’s not his mother it’s no of her business
Its his dads time there for it is his discretion. If you do not agree you amcan take it up with him or the court.
2 Likes
Rip her a new one, she shouldn’t be interfering at school, or at all. Speak to the school and let them know it’s only between you and him, she’s not on any paperwork and has no rights
1 Like
Girlfriend has no right. Who hell does she think she is. Go to the solicitor or courts. Royally screw her, how dare she.
I would have been livid if this happened to me. Legally she has NO rights to your child unless she is married to the father.
However who does she think she is 
Put your foot down and remind her who gave birth to your child.
She sounds like a control freak imo, good luck to your ex , sounds like he might need it.
1 Like
The girlfriend is obviously overstepping and you shouldn’t have to even question and re-confirm whether you should be picking your own child up. Just do what you have to do. If the father is unable to pick your child up, you go pick him up. The girlfriend needs to know where she stands.
She has zero rights to do that. Make sure the school knows that you or dad are the only ones to pick up. He cannot add her to the list without your permission bc you have custody.
1 Like
If she has been in your son’s life for a little bit i don’t see an issue. She is treating him with love and he is comfortable with her then there shouldn’t be a problem end of story. You are being petty bc another woman is willing to help out. Sounds like the 3 of you need to have a civil co-parent conversation 
.
7 Likes
I’m going to say you’re being childish. She obviously cares about your child and wants him to be with them on his parenting time. It’s a few hours before his father gets out of work… My man’s ex would be completely fine with me doing what she did… She knows I love her kids like they’re mine and it makes her happy, not bitter.
5 Likes
If it’s court ordered that the parents are to be each other’s babysitter, then girlfriend is wrong. This should be straightened out with the ex. I’m hoping you are letting off steam here and you can have a decent conversation with the dad. Keep in mind that the girlfriend if long term will eventually fill in for dad when needed. If you have your son 80% of the time, eventually I wouldn’t make a huge deal. It’s only 2 hour and change difference, not the whole day. I also disagree with the girlfriend speaking to the school and taking documents. She needs to respect boundaries.
If married yes she could do that but they are not married
It’s his Dad’s day so I don’t see any issue with Dad’s girlfriend picking him up. If you have a problem and want to contest it then call you lawyer and let the judge decide.
4 Likes
If the other parent is first contact as childcare in the event of an emergency or inability to be present then you’re correct, the child goes to you. When your sons dad gets off of work on Thursdays, you would exchange the child then. If she had discussed this with all involved parties prior to this and had permission it wouldn’t be a big deal but she IS overstepping. You need to speak with the school, the courts, and your childs father.
Yes and girlfriend has no rights. If need be call a court hearing
How long have they been together? Do you not get along with his girlfriend? Do they live together?
I understand your point of view in this, but, you have to think of the well being of the child. She is willingly wanting to help and be part of your child life. Isn’t it better for your son to see that Daddy’s girlfriend is nice and helps Mami take care of me so mommy and daddy doesn’t have to leave work…
To answer your question, if you’re going by the agreement, then yes, you should be the one picking him up. But if she is willing and she loves him and she is good to him, I don’t see an issue.
What you can do is have a conversation with them and let them know how you feel…
3 Likes
I’m just gonna say as a step parent seeing some of these comments really sucks. It is hard enough to be that extra parent without people doing this unnecessary crap. Did you ask him if he sent her to the school. Because I know we have done this. I am the one to always pick up the kids when they are with us… I dont understand as women why you wouldn’t try and set an example for your children to treat the other spouse with some kind of respect.
8 Likes
My daughters dad’s gf did this same thing! I got over it. She used to sign all her papers and would go to the parent teacher conference. It drove me crazy but now I’m over it and I guess I’m glad she takes part in my daughters life even if she is a royal bitch
Wow! I would go up to the school and make sure they know to NEVER allow her to pick him up. She sounds like a phycho. Now if she was actually married to your ex and his real step mom then that’s a different story.
3 Likes
They legally should not be releasing him to her or discussing anything about him with her. If they are you can get that school in A LOT of trouble
6 Likes
Did she do something besides this situation to make you not trust her with your child? I think you should all sit down and talk about it maybe? Even though she’s “just the girlfriend” maybe she’s trying to help since it is dads time with them. I was labeled “just the girlfriend” after my now fiance and i were together for 5 years and that hurts because youre trying to be a stepmom and take care of the kiddos tust me i never did anything close to this but still…i agree she over stepped but if she wants to help maybe you guys could sit down and figure it out like adults
8 Likes
Hell to the fucking NO. 1. Talk to your ex about the chain of command here: YOU, then HIM and then HER only IF YOU SAY SO.
Then thank her for her interest and inform her that she is not in the custody agreement nor is she the step mom til the marriage certificate ink is dry and you will let her know if you need her, thank you very much.
Absolutely. And if it were me, I’d get it put in the custody agreement, that only you and/or the father can pick him up from school and/or be at the visit exchange.
Tread lightly here.
Your son is likely going to be in this woman’s care from time to time. I’d embrace that she wants to be involved and take on the responsibility of a step parent.
If you encourage her, it will very likely turn out better for your son that you two ladies respect one another and work together when dad can’t get your kiddo.
I think she needs to communicate with you. But you also have to open that door, to allow her to.
If this woman ends up marrying your sons father, you’re going to want a healthy relationship with her.
Good luck mama. I hope this works out for you.
13 Likes
Drag her into the next millennium. That’s your baby. You carried that child for months and shot him out of your cooter. She didnt birth him. She has no damned say. She isnt his stepmother until she is legally married to him and even so? That’s still YOUR child. So she can step the fuck back and reevaluate her dumbass choices because that is absolutely not okay. Its revolting of her to even think she has any right to interfere in any part of your child’s life unless specifically stated by you or your ex husband. 
Depends on the state. But during their parenting/visitation, they can decide who does pick up/drop off. If they need a sitter for an significant amount of time they are supposed to offer it to the other parent first, but 1 hour & 40 min isn’t considered significant in most states. Also, if he has the custody/parenting agreement, he can share it with whomever he wants. They school can even take it from said person, but they are supposed to verify said info if it doesn’t come from one of the parents. As a step mom who has dealt pretty extensively with an agreement that was just a parenting time/visitation agreement until we modified the agreement, essentially in my state, unless she have an agreement that states otherwise, he’s the one calling the shots during his visitation time. That being said, most schools have an approved pick up list & they normally just don’t let someone call in & say they are the step parent. I’m thinking your ex is playing a larger roll than you think in her overstepping.
1 Like
Yeah that would’ve pissed me off. Bio moms and dads come first
Don’t be that Mum. She’s in your son’s life and he has a relationship with her, and it’s on Dads time. Just pick your battles and appreciate that there’s someone else in your son’s corner. My kids stepmum is awesome. He’s both our ex now, but we both have kids that are siblings and it’s important for our kids to see women being human and kind to each other to support their relationship with their siblings.
12 Likes
As a child who went through this with my own parents - for a loooooong time- i can tell you from first-hand experience this is petty and can and will damage your child by making this a big deal. If your child gets along with the girlfriend and she isnt a harm to them then its really just controlling behavior on your part. Honestly just talk to your ex, he may want her to be a bigger part of your kids life and that can start by spending time together after school.
20 Likes
It’s not about personal opinions or feelings. If it’s in the original court order and that portion was no modified she is overstepping.
2 Likes
Okay. So, Im an overthinker anyway so…
My thinking would be that if they (dad and girlfeiend) got into an argument that the first she would do is go after my child as I do not trust a lot of people. Come on, you see the news. I’m not saying everything isn’t made to be overly dramatic by the news but look at how many people are out here harming and killing children for NO REASON!!! Look how many girlfriends and boyfriends are out here kidnapping kids. NOPE… It should be strictly left up to the parents to pick their kids up. Also, it would bother me a lot if someone was able to even go to my children’s schools to be able to even talk about my kids that’s not even related. You fill out an emergency card for a reason at the first of the year. They have to follow that card for the safety of the kids.
3 Likes
That girlfriend (step mom seriousness or not) def over stepped. That is not her place and the school shouldn’t have allowed her to make changes seeing as she has no legal rights to your son. Doesn’t matter how long she’s been dating the father 
If he doesn’t make sure she stays in her place I’d get the court involved 🤷
3 Likes
That should’ve been handled by mom and dad his girlfriend is not a factor. The school should know better and kindly showed dad’s girlfriend the door.
3 Likes
Unless she is a terrible person I don’t see the problem of her picking him up. Could there be a bit of jealousy? And I do not mean of her with your ex I mean the fact that your son would bond with another woman
4 Likes
My boyfriend has a daughter from another relationship and I would never do this unless it was okayed by BOTH parents. Because I’m not legally her stepmom.
This bitch overstepped and if I were you, I’d put her AND dad in their place. Dad can pick the kid up from my house when he’s done work. I’d be calling my lawyer too because the girlfriend should not have any access to you and your ex’s custody paperwork and definitely should not have a right to handle it for any reason
Take your paperwork into the school immediately. Inform the school if they ever discuss your child with anyone but his 2 parents, you will seek legal action for their breach of confidentiality.
Then find out if your ex actually semt her to the school to do this or if she’s done it of her own accord.
9 Likes
Mom and dad has to talk. If THEY agree on that plan, then they notify the school. If girlfriend don’t like it she can go kick rocks.
5 Likes
Stop your nonsense. All this is is mess. No she shouldn’t of gone to the school but did it hurt anything… no. IMO if he is sick on Thursdays his dad should be called.
This cant be real, a person wanting to be involved and love the child and you’re being hateful. Get over yourself. Petty Betty. Hope that poor kid doesn’t learn this from you
7 Likes
Time you need to accept another women will be around your child. She should not have called the school. But they should follow the agreement. The judge in Michigan has told me what happens on his time is his time not my business. What happens on my time is not his business.
4 Likes
Sounds like that bitch is desperate. Stage 4 clinger.
Wooo chile, homegirl is really over stepping … I would definitely be at the school raising all kinds of hell and I would also speak with dad about boundaries
7 Likes
Uhhh my ex submitted a firm to the school for something and the school called me because I’m custodial… I’d be flipping on the school for discussing anything with her
3 Likes
Girlfriend has no rights and the school should only take yours and his dads instructions.
4 Likes
Be thankful she cares!
1 Like
Yup! If she picks him up legally you can actually file contempt on dad. She also legally has no say even if she was married to him. The courts typically say “mom and dad” make decisions about their children, Gfs/bfs/significant others don’t get a say in parenting the child. If it states that if you guys are busy the other parent is to get first chance before a sitter… that includes his gf. Bring the original parenting plan to the school, explain the situation and that she is NOT step mom. She is overstepping. I will however say do NOT bring your child into this issue. Follow the court order. If dad is unavailable, you get the child. If gf oversteps file a contempt every single time. The judge will tell the dad he needs to tell the gf to butt out of things.
3 Likes
As a mom, it would irritate me that they did this without talking to me first.
As the gf of someone with two sweet boys that I love whose mother is very petty toward my bf, I would absolutely be willing (and want) to pick them up on his parenting time if he was at work and i was available. I think you’re overreacting just a little bit, and this coming from someone who seriously can’t stand when her ex tries to overstep. Unfortunately, when we are no longer with the father of our children, we can’t control things like this. If it’s his parenting time, whoever he designates can pick up your son. I had to get over it with my ex when he remarried a birch. It was a hard pill to swallow admittedly.
2 Likes
Yes, stop freaking out and stand your ground
Sounds like step mom is down as hell to be a part of the kids life. I would be like hey girl pick him up I’m going to take a day for myself. The lady from this post should be happy. There’s a lot of step moms that hate the kids.
5 Likes
Wow… that’s a lot!! First off I feel bad for your 4 year old son. He must stay confused… I think you might be overacting a little bit. I’d sit down and have a talk with the girlfriend and the ex hubby.
2 Likes
She is not his stepmother, she’s a girlfriend. She has no rights to your child!! If he can’t do something for his child then the mother should step in, vice versa. Not the girlfriend!! JMO!
7 Likes
She has no legal rights to even call the school
5 Likes