There is NO way I’d be okay with ANY of that. My daughters dad hasn’t been involved since 3 but I have full 100% sole custody of her. I would be throwing a FIT. This female has NO right to your child besides the time she has with him and his father. Other then that. That’s it. She’s not married to his dad. Also… I think it could have been planned and discussed instead of her just putting herself into a situation in the EXACT wrong way. Sounds to me like she wants to piss you off. I’d be up at the school changing that stuff REAL QUICK. If dad has a problem with it he can discuss it with you and you and him come to the agreement.
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First off, that’s grounds for getting her ass beat. But in a mature adult way, I would go to the school show them that you’re primary custodial parent and to speak to you and you only regarding your son. And definitely speak to your son’s father about this situation. She’s definitely out of line.
Talk to the dad. Decide how to handle this in the future and let it go. I really doubt anyone was intentionally trying to cause malice intent.
After you co parent you’ll decide the new boundaries for this kind of situation for both sides.
I really doubt it will happen again if it’s discussed rationally and outlined so everyone is clear.
Bringing the court and school into I think is premature without seeing if you both can work it out.
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This shouldn’t even be an issue. Girlfriend has no right or obligation to your child. If she picks him up from school after you make it clear that she isn’t authorized you should call the police and hold the school responsible. Girlfriend needs to be set straight on her role. Girlfriend does not mean parent.
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Call your lawyer first thing Monday about what she did and what the school did, don’t take this lightly, put that chic in her place!!
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She went about it a terrible way but if its his agreement to get your son Thursday after school, then thats the agreement. In my opinion, this is where the petty “MY KID MY KID” comes in a lot with co parenting (not you specifically just a general statement). I would try to sit down and have a talk with them. But yeah, how she did it and contacting the school and all that jazz, waaaay too much. I just don’t think it’s right for you to take over his custody time because someone else may have to pick up your son.
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You and your sons dad are no longer a couple, you need to realise that it’s not you, him and your child anymore. He has his family and you have yours, your son is part of both but you are no longer part of each other’s. He’s probably asked his girlfriend to pick up your son as it’s his time with him and shes now a part of that.
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That’s debatable… I feel like the dad should have been the one to set things up not the gf.
My main concern would be how long she’s been the gf, 3mon? A year? I would say it’s not her position… but if she’s a steady presence 2+ years she’s being helpful. And they should all work on their co-parenting and communication skills so everyone is on the same page.
But if she hasn’t been around for long, isn’t a live in gf, or a steady presence, the mother gets priority over the gf if the father isn’t available.
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Drop kick that ho…
Oops I mean.
Nevermind.
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I personally don’t like to be the overbearing partner and prefer my partner and his son’s mother to discuss what happens with their son - especially when it comes to pick ups and drop offs. I feel the gf may be over stepping with bringing the custody agreement and making it her business. Not a great look gf
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Ues yes yes. First right of refusal. YOU are first always.
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FUCK THAT BITCH drag dad back court. If he cant get him your first right to do so period. Get her black listed from school
Your child’s father needs to put her in her place. She is a girlfriend, not a stepmother. And even if she was a stepmother she still needs to check with both of you first before doing anything.
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I’m sorry but your are wrong here it’s dads responsibility and if he elects his gf to do it then that’s up to him. It’s hard but let go honey x sending strength and positive vibes. Don’t lose sight how nice it would be if this woman is kind gentle involved and supports such fair co parenting!. She’s an ally!.
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Why is the school speaking about your child to someone who isn’t on file/ on his paperwork?
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Those are his father’s days and if he is making arrangements for your son to be with someone he trusts on his behalf… it shouldn’t be an issue. That’s his household and perhaps the girlfriend will be the stepmother eventually. Who knows? Its not up to you to dictate how his father goes about things on his days.
If you don’t like it… discuss it with him and make other arrangements.
I seriously think you are overreacting and it sounds more like jealousy than anything else.
Unless she is a threat to your son or would harm your son in any way… its not up to you to decide “Dad’s Days” or Dad’s personal arrangements for him.
Stay in your own lane Mama. Let dad do his thing. It really isn’t about you on his days.
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Put your foot down and tell her yourself that you are his mom and she’s not. I had to deal with one of those before (thankfully he left her). She has absolutely NO right to do that. It does no matter how long they have been together either. She is NOTHING to him. I don’t care what some people may say with or without a marriage bonding them together.
Side note: If his dad is involved then it’s between the mom and the dad period.
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What she’s doing isn’t just morally wrong, it’s illegal. She can be arrested for attempted kidnapping just for showing up at school to get him without your permission I hope the school didn’t share info with her. If they did it’s violation of your son’s privacy. A lawyer could have a heyday with her. You have sole custody so nobody can pick your son up without your permission. Make sure the school is aware of that. Document everything. This may be just the tip of the iceberg. Have a talk with your ex. Explain to him that you & him are the parents. She’s not to play mommy to your kid. Does he even know that she had possession of your custody agreement or tried to take him from school? Nip it in the bud now. Before you know it she’ll be convincing him to file for custody himself.
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Well yes and no because you said it was in the court papers, so you need to talk with him because Thursdays are his day maybe he wants him there when he gets home also you and her need to talk about her over stepping her grounds or has he told her to do these things alot questions that need answers. Sounds like you all three need to talk be adults for the child.
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I don’t see an issue with her picking picking him up if they live together. The overstep was the paper work if the dad didn’t know she was turning that in. And if he did, its his job to tell you, not hers. What happens on dads time (as long as its not abuse of any kind) is not your business, vice versa. This just seems petty. Everyone blames the bonus mom. Im a bonus mom & i damn sure refer to myself as that even tho I’m not married to my SO. My bonus daughter and her bio mom refer to me as second mama too. That title is earned, not given thru marriage. Try having better communication with her. I know for a fact that communication problems come from the bio mom, 9 times outta 10. Not saying this is necessarily your case but 
I’m thankful that my sons bonus mom steps up huge and helps out. I also firmly believe in 50/50 custody tho permitting both parents are deemed fit. I think its good she’s not trying to push the kid outta his life. The more ppl who love my kid like their own the better for my son. That’s just me tho.
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Throat punch a bitch. Problem solved.
I’m not sure what state you live in but in texas if you live with a person for 3 months or more its concerted common law marriage… so if that’s the case in your state then their ain’t a problem.
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They aren’t married. She has no rights. Dad needs to nip it in the bud and if he doesn’t, you need to take him back to court. She is completely out of line.
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So legally, after school pickup is his time. If he wants his gf to pick up, then that is his right. Is she overstepping… hell yes, the dad should have done all this with the school. Do you have a right to be annoyed? Yes… but that doesn’t really change anything.
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She legally should not be allowed unless you have her on the “pick up” list, if you don’t and she takes him is it not classified as kidnapping and the school can be held liable.
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well you need to go back to court and change the arrangements because that is his dads time and the partner is doing her part as a stepmother and partner. sorry if you don’t feel comfortable. maybe you should be glad that she wants to help out and be there for your son.
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She needs to know her place. You and he are the parents. Period…anything she wants to do she needs to discuss with you and him both.
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Girl you need to put her in her place. Like NOW!! that is your baby not hers and she needs to know it. Dear ol dad needs to know as well. You have custodial custody then use that. You get to make the decision in the end.
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jealousy makes you nasty!!!
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Nobody is allowed to pick my child up but me, i don’t trust anyone! she needs to know her place, i would be so pissed off.
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If she is his girlfriend they can be planning to be together and get married so then she would be classified as his step mom and of those are the days and the dad does want his girlfriend to pick him up then she should be allowed! Just because she is the girlfriend does not mean that she shouldn’t be allowed to pick him up because i am sure whenever your son is at his dad’s she probably spends a good bit of time with him also and helps raise and take care of him. But she definitely shouldn’t have taken any custody agreement or paper work to the school
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In Michigan anyone over the age of 18 that the child knows/is comfortable with is allowed to pick up the child as long as the parent (in this case dad) send them. Now with him being at work I don’t see anything wrong with her brining the paperwork to school so they know who’s time is whos, honestly they should have already had it. I would STRONGLY urge you to reach out to her in a nice manner and talk to her. She is probably caring about your child, wants time with him and for dad to not be missing as much time either. It will be so much easier if you can co-parent you have a long road ahead and it will be alot better if you change the tone of the relationship now.
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I’m sure mature people who have a child together would make mature decisions. The child is not a chess piece on a board. He doesn’t understand adult anger. All the child wants and deserves is that he is secure and loved by whoever picks him up .
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Yeah…So coming from someone who has dealt with this type of shitty attitude. We dont know both sides of the story. SO instead of crying for advice on facebook stop bitching about stupid custody agreements on facebook and hand it responsibly via the courts. People like you is part of what is wrong with the world. You’re not in high school, grow up.
Does the agreement state a specific time or does it say when child is out of school?
You could try not being jealous 🤷
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Your ex is probably the one who gave her the papers…
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Maybe switching the placement would be best for everyone…exchange times …week on week off…etc.
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That’s for you and dad to arrange not her. She has no right going behind your back like that. She’s not his parent. I hope the kindergarten staff dismissed her and talked to you
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Maybe have a talk but be grateful she wants to be part of his life. It sounds pretty petty to me. Her intentions could be all pure.
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I think ALL 3 OF YOU need to have a talk. Forget about whose place is first etc etc your CHILD comes first! You all need to find a way to get along! Like it or not she is in your child’s life now and you need to all be on the same boat so things like this wouldn’t surprise you. Just remember all this tension will stress out your little one as he lives in both your houses and it’s not fair on him. Good luck I hope you 3 work it out x
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My kids dads gf spends much time with my kids probably alone which I don’t like and I don’t like the gf either but I know she loves my kids and my kids love her too…if you’re child is being taken care of properly and being shown love put your bitterness aside and just deal with it. If he doesn’t complain about it then he obviously doesn’t mind her picking him up.
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Until I was married, and I felt my husbands ex wife was comfortable too, I did not impose myself at all.
It’s wrong.
I learned about my husbands ex myself, became friends with her and her family the best I could.
I learned who my husbands son, and then soon after my step son was. I earned trust from everyone. I mean EVERYONE.
She cannot just March in and make decisions. It’s not her place, not especially as a girl friend and not a permanent fixture.
Blended families take time to build. The relationships need to be tested and strong.
The father is the worst in this equation. He is putting his GF in a bad position and she is clearly unaware of the dynamics and sensitivities surrounding divorce or what ever the situation is.
The GF calling the school is way over the line.
The father should have talked to the mother. The mother and father could have worked out a plan that they BOTH felt comfortable with.
I’m siding with Bio mom.
I’m a step mom who earned my wings the right way… these situations are delicate for all.
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Many custody agreements restrict access to the child to the girlfriend or boyfriend.
This is to avoid this kind of bullshit. The father must be a piece of work. He unleashed his clueless GF. This puts a bad taste in everyone’s mouth.
Na i would definitely not be happy about this either. I would rather pick my children up myself and then drop when dads finished, she is not involved in any legal agreement, you should be sticking to that so your Lo doesn’t get confused either, as it could be disruptive for him. as for sickness no not at all YOU should be called! Just speak to him and her explain your concerns and try to work together, I hope it all works out! 
I can see when you’re coming from but personally
I’d be grateful… see it as her wanting to help to all out. From her point of view she probably thinks she’s helping because technically it’s dads day. Why do they want to disturb you every Thursday for 2 hours when she could pick him up?
If it starts from school at 4.30 he is with them then anything that happens before hand in that time the school phone you!!! If he’s sick at 12 o’clock they phone you that’s your time not there’s!!! Just get right down to the school and over the the dads house and get it spoken about! It’s between you and his dad that’s only his girlfriend unless it’s wife ect she doesn’t have a say in what happens with you him and your son! Xxxxx
I get she’s trying to help! But your his mum
The way the dad’s girlfriend is handling this is wrong and sneaky AF. I’d be pissed.
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I’m sorry but a judge will tell you he can do what he wants on his parenting time. What happens if you remarry? Don’t you think that your new husband won’t pick up your child? Be happy that your son has someone else who loves him.
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When she called the school to rearrange things that was a huge over step!! You and the dad should’ve discussed the best way to handle it without you and her assuming and confused. Also as a man he should be a mediator for her to watch how she respects you, this isn’t jealousy this is a gf doing too much.
You’re being petty. It takes a village to raise a child, appreciate your village. If it was your day and you for some reason couldn’t make it on time, I’m sure you would have someone else pick him up. She took the papers to the school because as you stated, his father was at work during that time. If dad and girlfriend live together, your son spends time with her anyways. I honestly don’t see an issue.
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To be honest it’s still in his time, if your kid is happy with his step mum picking him up then how is there an issue?
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Well they’re not married and I could see where this bothers you. She had no business calling the school or even going there with any of your personal legal business. I encourage you to reach out to your ex and you guys have a sit down and talk to her about boundaries because it will continue until she knows her rightful place
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I see both sides maybe she doing what he asked her to do maybe he just wants to keep on the schedule that’s he been. But they have spoke with you first. Just be thankful she is being kind and loving to your son.
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She’s just a gf not a wife. She needs to sit tf down.
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I don’t see a problem. This is who hes choosing to be with just as of she would choose to be with someone. Your time is yours and his time is his. I’m sure she wouldn’t be doing this if the father wasn’t aware
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Yes you should. You r the mom.
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She should be consulting with you. It’s great she wants to help out but she should be running through BOTH of you. Not just one parent.
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go get the witch hon
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There is no ring on her finger first off so there fore has no say in any matter in your child. That is between you and the father. And if he wanted her to pick him up he should have spoke to you first. She definitely stuck her nose where it don’t belong. Sorry bit its not her child not her choice.
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If it is dad’s time, he can legally designate whomever he wants to pick up the child.
If you think the child should be picked up by you, then you should have the order modified.
Personally, if it’s only for a couple hours until dad gets off work, I would let it go. Someday, you may want someone to help you with transportation and going to court and changing the order could prevent that.
Also, if it is dad’s time, you are not losing time with the child. Dad is legally allowed to share his time with any fit person so long as the court order is followed. In other words, if you want your mom or your best friend to pick him up for the day on your time, dad has no say. Same goes for dad.
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Yall dont see a problem ?? Well.put yourself in ger shoes .i would definitely have a problem and i would damn sure voice my opinion
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Omg she sounds crazyyyyy
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She shouldn’t of done it without speaking to you first, but if they love together I wouldn’t see the harm in it if she can pick him up on those days as it makes it easier for you. But it should of been a conversation the 3 of you had before this. Speak to his dad and express that you feel that things need to be agreed by both of you first
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If its dads time, its dads time. I would allow the gf to pick up. I dont think shes overstepping. (That is if they have been together long enough) * but i would be thankfully she’s involved in your childs life. I know its hard, but im both a mom and i think there may be a communication issue.
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I think this is so childish. If she’s in the sons life what’s it hurting for her to pick him up two hours earlier. That’s the issue with things now. Instead of thinking as the other woman as another parent (which she is ring or not) if they’re together they’re together! Be happy someone else loves and wants to have a place in your kids life! 
Be happy the dad wants to be there!!!
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Yeaaah that should be addressed , she doesn’t have any right to contact the school and the school should not have spoken with her regarding your child
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Legally school should not even talk to the woman or hear anything she has to say.
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You probs dont wanna hear it but … even if your custodial, on “dad”s time, he can have who ever he wants to watch/pick up your child.
Thats his time share portion and Im sorry but you “legally” dont get to dictate it …
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This sounds like an issue to take up with the school. Why are they releasing your son to her? With that being said, is it really the worst thing in the world for the gf to pick him up? You don’t mention anything about her being mean or mistreating him. If it’s his dads day and she treats him well then I don’t see the issue.
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You sound jealous as hell to me , on my girls dads days / nights , when yes it is logical that I take them when he can’t ,it is also his responsibility to find care for his days instead of relying on me to pick up his slack .
I think it’s perfectly fine , you just angry .
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If it’s his custody time and he asked her to do this and gave her permission then there’s nothing you can do and the school is obligated to follow your custody order. If it’s his time then they should be calling dad. Dad should then be informing you of any issues just the same as if there’s any issues on your time you should be informing him. Unless there is First Right of Refusal in your agreement then dad can designate whomever he chooses to pick up the child from school on his time and isn’t obligated to inform you of it. Dad is capable of making decisions in parenting just like you are. It’s a couple of hours after school. Let it go. This isn’t the hill you want to die on.
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Honestly i feel you have every right to be upset. First off communication needs to be better cause regardless of whose time it is you have every right to know what is going on with your child. You need to take to his dad and tell him the boundaries and that you guys are suppose to be making decisions together not just him and his girlfriend. At the end of the day the girlfriend has no right calling the school or bringing legal paperwork. That has nothing to do with her.
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It’s his time. He handled it.
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If it states in your agreement the non custodial parent gets first rights to babysit child then, yes, you get first rights. My ex husband and I have the same custody agreement.
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It should be you 100%!! No way I would be letting my ex’s gf take over like that. You’re the mother. If you dont pick him up and dad doesn’t, then maybe her. But you two are ALWAYS first.
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If they are not married then the school shouldn’t have even talked to her. I would set her, the ex, and the school straight.
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I’m divorced myself and although my kids are older. You should take this time and sit down with both of them. If the girlfriend is there for the long run you need to all get along. By no means should she have went to the school but all three of you need to think about that child first and what is best for the child if she is a loving caring person what does it matter if she picks him up for the two hours before the dad gets off of work it all comes down to communication. that is the key. Children need all the love and stability that they can get in their lives. They don’t need to see parents arguing over a two hour window of who is going to be picking the kids up from school. But like I said the school does need to know that she is not the stepmom or even a legal guardian
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Learn how to co parent period. Dont matter if she has a ring or not. That’s what wrong with kids seeing parents up to each others ears in non sense. Because someone else is involved. Im pretty sure he dont tell you or get mad if you get help from people with yalls child so stop being bitter. If she isnt harming the kid and is trying to still help him have his dad time thats a damn good person cause some women try to get in between and control stuff. She is just trying to help.
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You need to immediately call the principle. She does NOT need to be talking to the school in regards to your child… ever. At all
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She sounds absolutely crazy the school should not release him to her unless both of u give consent she is WAYYYYY overstepping
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Since she wants to act like stepmom then she not only needs to have a relationship with your ex and your child, but you as well. I would literally invade her space as she has done yours and become friends if you feel she’s a good person because it’s true that you might some day need assistance with your child. You can’t stop your ex from dating but you can have an active relationship with them for the sake your child
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She sounds like she means well, helping dad out. But yes this should have been spoken about between the 3 of you first.
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Communication needs to be done with father so you 2 are on the same page.
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They should have came to you and had a conversation about it in my opinion…it should not have been done behind your back
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It may depend on the legal details in your state. Usually if the parent who has the day needs child care or help getting the child, the other parent should be contacted before someone else. If he is not married to her, then she has no legal right.
Also, it would be appropriate that she has a good relationship with your son but there’s also an appropriate way to go about it. And going above both of the biological parents is not the way to go. There should be conversations on how to handle the situation between the mom and dad. She has zero rights.
I also work at a school and a step parent only has rights to pick up the child if they are listed on the paperwork and have been given permission to do so by the custodial parent. A school typically would not allow just anyone to pick up the child unless the adult has been listed as emergency contact.
I would be upset and concerned too. She’s overstepping.
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I would be okay and grateful that she cared for your son enough to get him if his dad couldn’t and she could that way on his time it was still covered BUT the way she went about it is wrong. Dad shouldn’t be letting her overstep especially going to the school and handing over your custody paperwork
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UM… unless she is a legal guardian ir has been added by you and the father as as an approved person to pick up your chid. (Handed in by you or your ex and signed by both) The school SHOULD NOT be releasing your child to her.
If she is then you all. Need to sit down and have a conversation about who and when pick.up will be
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Yes you should! It’s too bad that she is feeling like she needs to have some sort of control! You are mom and you have the first say! She needs to respect that!
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If they are serious and she is stepping up to her part of that responsibility in their relationship it might be time that you try to be open to a copayment situation with her as well.
My daughters step mother turned into the best friend I always wish I had. We now talk to each other about everything.
It’s very healthy for my daughter also.
We are all happier this way.
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I don’t think she’s over stepping. This is a part of being co parents. I have 4 kids and my boyfriend has 1. We are not married however we live together and are spending our life together. I and my boyfriend and my ex husband refer to me as step mom, my boyfriend as step dad and my ex husbands girl friend (they do not live together) their step mom.
How long have they been together?
If that is his day, then he can choose what he does with him. And that includes the girlfriend picking the child up. She wouldn’t be considered a babysitter, if she is apart of the child’s and your child’s fathers life unfortunately whether you like it or not.
If you child’s father works a lot, he probably asked her to take the papers in which most school districts ask for anyways and until the paper work is amended and a new court order is in place then that would be the order custody would go off of.
Coparenting can be as easy or hard as you choose to make it. Some things aren’t worth the argument. At the end of the day it’s about the child/children.
Unless she is not a nice person to your child, what would be the problem with her being with him till his father is home.
Sometimes we cause unnecessary issues or problems where they don’t need to be. I know it’s not always easy letting go and accepting new people in our child’s life but it’s better for the child to have more people to love on them! They will be blessed! It takes time and a lot of selflessness but at the end of the day your child will appreciate it and be better for a non stressful life.
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I’m a step mom and she is out of line dad can pick him up from you after he gets out. Unless you her and dad decide differently the school should not even take her into consideration unless she is his contact and she should only be added if u and dad agree I would never take my step sons from school unless talking to both there mom and and dad and it was ok by both and I’m listed as an emergency contact
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No way, no how would I be letting this happen! She better back the hell up!
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I would be furious she is the step mom not legally married and even if she was she is not the biological parent and not the person on the agreement, the agreed upon time was 4:30pm not 2:30 and it does not affect the school time period, talk to your lawyer and get it straightened out, go to the school and don’t leave until you are on the same page with the school,
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Talk to her about it maybe she was trying to help out but she went about it the wrong way or maybe she’s just a salty bitch:joy:
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Lawyer up! Unacceptable
She needs to take a step back. You guys need to figure out that one.
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I feel like this theoretically is a good arrangement EXCEPT she didn’t talk to you, went behind your back, and the school shouldn’t have allowed it. Definitely talk to your ex and to her and the school. Let the gf know that you appreciate her trying to be helpful but in the future she needs to come to you before she does anything or else. Set boundaries and let her know what will happen if she is out of line again.
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Way out of line. And if the school allowed her to pick up him I’d file charges. That’s bs
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