Be upfront and tell your husband Now about it. Dont leave it until you get a paternity test and yeah you shouldnt of told your EX first,
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i donât have the energy to explain basic math to you but if a whole month passed between partners, itâs pretty easy to calculate who is the dad.
I stopped reading after you said you told your brother. Sorry not sorry for being judgy but what kind of person tells the ex and her brother before talking to her own husband/the kids âdadâ for its entire life?! Thatâs super weird and awful.
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Your poor current husband. He deserves so much better.
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Wait. You told your ex, before your current husband. Youâre an idiot
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You need to show your current husband this post?
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Youâve already hurt him by not confiding in him first donât continue that by not telling him at allâŚif you have suspicions he probably does tooâŚyou need to have this talkâŚand as far as the last part you postedâŚdonât dwell on what could have beenâŚ.yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery and thatâs why today is called a presentâŚdo whatâs right by you and your children but in the same sense make sure you donât loose what you have nowâŚ
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What do you mean you âdiscoveredâ? After 10 years, you suddenly think he could be your ex husbands son? Despite paternity, that IS your husbands son. Heâs the only dad he has ever known. And you should have respected him enough to have a conversation with him about it. You DEFINITELY shouldâve talked to him about it before your ex. and why in the world would you tell your BROTHER before your husband?? It honestly sounds like you regret your divorce with your ex husband and think this is a way for you to get back together and âhave the family you always wanted.â
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Do the paternity test first and then if it is just be honest
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Damn I wouldnât of told my ex before my current husband because if he ever finds out that you did hell never look at you the same.
I wouldâve taken that possibility to my grave if Iâm honest 
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Be honest, tell youâre husband, make amends for going to youâre ex first. And stay with youâre husband, whoâs been beside you. Do what ever He wants,
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Moral of the story: use protection or donât bone 2 different guys without protection/birth control. I feel sorry for the current husband
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All u can do is tell him the truth if u didnât no u did not no, I hope for the best
It sounds like there is more to this story your just telling the âinnocent versionâ⌠
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Your current husband is the one who has been there. Not the shitty ex.
You current husband should have been you first person you spoke to about it. Youâre about to mess more than your life up and by leaving him out you are asking for the trauma thatâs gonna come after. TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND!!! GeezâŚ
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- You didnt just start noticingâŚyou have known the entire time who the father was.
- You trapped your current husband to raise this kid because you knew his actual father was an unreliable POS
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He cheated, you kicked him out. There is your answer. Why are you feeling a typa way just becauseâŚ
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This is the wrong group asking for them to be nice. I know youâre emotionally struggling with this but you have made some very poor choices in this situation. How about take some accountability. You really need to tell your husband everything you just shared with us. If he continues to stay by your side after the fact, count your blessings. If he decides to leave, thatâs on you and you probably deserve it. Be prepared if the second outcome happens. Good luck!
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Ignoring anything else, my concern is that your ex had a feeling or knew he had a child but for nearly 10 years has done nothing to find out or have anything to do with the child!
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The father of your son is your current husband, the donor of half your sons DNA is your ex. Big difference, biology does not trump who cared, raised and loved you. The father in this situation is clear best thing u can do right now is to stop keeping him in the dark. I speak from personal experience from my childhood and from my sonâs current situation. As for what could have been with your ex, know that we never miss whatâs meant for us, everything that happens is meant to happen, divine timing seemed to be at play here with you husband coming at the time he did. Donât live in the past and what could have been that will cause you unnecessary turmoil and heartache. It is what it is. Good luck, you have a tough situation to deal withđđź
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You should have been honest from the moment you thought of the possibility⌠and you both navigate this together.
Now, you already scheming and plotting and confiding in others. This will end in tears.
You need to be respectful to your husband.
You are probably going to end up lonely if you continue what you are doing.
This is not a tough decision. Itâs the only decision.
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Most states ask when you fill out the birth certificate if you were divorced in the last yr ,if so they often put the ex name on the birth certificate
You sleep with your ex, a month later get together with your current husband and a month after that you realise youâre pregnant.
A, you knew
B, didnât the doctors correctly age the baby during pregnancy?
C, was your child born a month âearlyâ at full weight?
D, youâd been trying for a family for years and then âmissâ the fact that you missed your period. No. You knew. Thatâs why you slept with the new man so quickly without protection.
E, you come to this conclusion and tell a FB group? Youâre just looking for people to validate you so you donât feel as bad when your current husband resents you.
F, both men in this situation have been HORRIBLY wronged by you. Yet the person who will suffer the most because of it is the child.
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You shouldnât have went to ur ex first. This is all gna end very bad your son.
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Strange when they date your pregnancy they do it 2 weeks before 2 weeks after. When they dated my daughter me and my x hadnât even slept together. There was no other man, I new the exact date I got pregnant and had her exactly on my due date. Unless your obgyn was fresh out of school and a complete idiot, you absolutely new it was your xhusbands. You tell us he cheated on you thatâs y u left then your last sentence says if he u new it was his maybe your relationship would have worked and had family u always wanted⌠so did he really cheat or were u hoping everyone would say what a piece of shit he was and validate what u did. You new and your new husband is either a complete idiot for falling for your lie and your a master manipulator
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My son's father may not be who I thought it was, what do I do? - Mamas Uncut
Let me start with⌠you need to talk with your HUSBAND about all of this. I would tell him the situation. Did he not know when you first got together you had recently separated from your ex!? I would be pissed if I found out my husband went to an ex before me.
Secondly⌠he cheated. A child will not stop someone from straying or leaving. I think you need to stay with your husband as he is the one whom raised this child with you. The other one knew that boy looked like him and literally said NOTHING⌠Not to you, not in court for a paternity test⌠nothing.
Also, if you had sex with them 1 month apart. When was your due date? You can figure out whoâs child he is from just that alone.
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You need to discuss this with your husband. From the way your talking it sounds like you still have some kind of feeling for the ex and thatâs gunna play a huge part in this. Your husband should underatand that this wasnât something you did intentionally , however he may feel betrayed that u went to the ex and have been talking to him BEHIND HIS BACK about this instead of coming to him. That is what may hurt the most. Be a big girl put on ur big girl panties and talk to your husband I stead of everyone else 
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Should have done left it alone. Now you creating a whole notherâ mess and traumatic experience for your son, your husband, and family if it comes out positive. SHOUKD HAVE TOLD YOURRRRRR HUSBAND FROM THE GET-GO. Now, it just looks totally looks disrespectful and alienating by going to the ex first. Whyyyy would you do thatâŚ
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So you went to your ex with this first? Lady, you are in some serious trouble. This is not how you treat someone you love, this is going to be a double whammy for your husband. Finding out his son is not his and then the way in which this had been dealt with. Poor guy.
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Show your now husband what you have written here it may soften the blow on about what has happened.You have become so distraught of whatâs happened that you donât know what to do. He may symphasis with you or he may get angry . But Iâd show him this and the comments that have been made only bcos you canât find the words in what to say. I only hope he comes to your aid good luck
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I would talk to your current husband before proceeding any further⌠he may feel betrayed that you talked to the ex about this before him. Open communication in a relationship is best, even if things get strained at times, it will be easier to work through it and hopefully come out stronger. Let your current husband know what you think and how you feel about the situation and get his input on it. Let him know he is a wonderful father (if that is true), but by finding out 100% your sonâs biological father is what is best for your child, esp if the ex would be a good father figure⌠if he questioned it though for so long, why didnât he bring it up? Why didnât he want a relationship with the kid preciously? After you talk to your husband about it, discuss both of your thoughts and go from there⌠have paternity tests done on both, and let your current husband know what your thoughts are for either outcome of the results. If you plan on staying with him, let him know the test results dont change how you feel about himâŚ
But you need to talk to him before getting paternity test, otherwise things will be even more strained
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Be honest! Tell him upfront and deal with it! If he raised that baby, then he is dad regardless of blood. Give him time to think and let things settle. Then get the dna test!
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I think you went to no mans land and you canât recover from it. You went to your ex before your husband which was so wrong! Your husband deserves the truth and the fact itâs clear you still crushing on your ex , imma say you should prob walk away from husband now. How long have you been holding these feelings for ex? I know your husband has no clue of these feelings. You created a horrible mess. Prayers.
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This is a really hard situation. But I think what is best for the child is to have everything stay the way it is. Which unfortunately can not happen since you took a test. I would have discussed this at length with my husband but I truly believe it will just be confusing and hurtful to both your husband and your son when this changes everything. Unfortunately if the test is positive it will be up to your ex if he wants anything to do with your son and at that point youâll have to share him it will be very scary for your son to stay in a home with people heâs never met before
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You would have known based on your due date when you were pregnant, approximately when you would have conceived. Thatâs a months difference between guys it should have been farely obvious who was the father based on that info alone. Do the math and figure out who you were with at the time of conception.
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they all said it⌠why not go to the husband first? Thereâs your mistake that is gonna take time to fix. The rest can be decided through a bunch of people, you dont have to have all the answers there⌠good luck
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Iâm going to say you probably shouldâve discussed this with your husband first.
I wouldnât doubt it if he sees the resemblance and knows that thereâs a possibility that heâs your ex husbandâs biological son.
IMOâ your current husband has raised him, heâs your sonâs father.
Idk if you took the paternity test yet or youâre set on taking it. You said âhe is willing to do a paternity testââ then said âIdk if u should wait to tell him till I get the test backâ
I would discuss all of this with him ASAP.
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The first person who you should have shared this possibility with is your husband. I think the outcome would be more positive & less hurtful in the long-run.
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This is something you should have talked to your husband about before doing. You need to tell him you have put all this in motion.
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First off u have disrespected ur husband by not discussing things with him before everyone elseâŚu say everyone except u knows 
come on lady u knew there was a possibility it was ur exes bby.Second u were in a relationship w ur x for years then after only a month u run to another man and have unprotected sex u didnât give urself time to heal or even see if things cld be worked out with ur first relationship.The fact tht u said "what if "and tht u cld have had ur family with ur x shows ur not totally over him and have sum regrets about how things went down with u two.Ur current husband deserves to know the whole truth and definitely deserves a woman who will respect and truly love him becuz u obviously didnât care enuff about his feelings to talk to him first.As far as the DNA test goes I think it shld be done and if it comes out positive talk to ur child depending on age if heâs older of course and let him know and see what he thinks about having a relationship w ur x if he is the father,he deserves the chance to say how he feels about itâŚAnd if ur husband forgives u ans chooses to stay with u after all this I think he has the rite to have a place in tht conversation ,heâs raised ur son all thses years Iâm sure they have a bond so I hope tht if it doesnât end up being his they can continue to at least have a relationship good luck!
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I would NOT do a paternity test without talking to your current husband. Not only has he been the one raising this child for the last nine years, believing he is the father, but he is LEGALLY the father and has a right to express his opinion on the paternity test. The fact that your ex has suspected it for this long and hasnât reached out tells me that he wasnât too eager to have a relationship with your son, so I would be very leery of letting him in his life now. If it were me, I would talk to my CURRENT husband and then probably leave things alone unless your ex pushes for a test. I never would have reached out to my ex without talking to my current husband first. It seems like your loyalty is a bit misplaced here and if I were you I would take immediate steps to fix that before you end up destroying your marriage and causing irreparable harm to all of your children.
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You can forget about , âif I would of known , we would of had a family. You are with your husband. The father of that child whom heâs been caring for all his life. I wouldnât even contact the daddy and let that shiii be. Unless your wanting more with your ex , but that would be suicide. Hope I can get all that sorted out. And he is not the father and u guys can move on.
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You not knowing isnât going to be the problem, it may be hurtful, but the real issue here is that youâve been conversing about this possibility with your ex BEFORE your current husband who from your post has been very good to you, unlike your ex. Sometimes people are conniving. Iâd tell your husband before your ex does.
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You should have spoke to your husband before the ex. I think it was extremely disrespectful that you did that .
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First you need to go ahead and discuss this with your husband before he hears talk from somebody else. There are too many people that know itâs possible at this point. Explain that way back then you never thought it was a possibility but now youâre not so sure. Next you need to figure out how to explain this to your son if your current husband isnât his dad. Honestly if your husband knew back then you had only been away from your ex for @month then he should have wondered back then anyway. It just is what it is! But be honest upfront about the paternity test etc otherwise youâre keeping secrets you shouldnât keep and digging yourself a hole.
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I would tell your husband. Im sure he would be more upset about you keeping it secretive than actually explaining it to him and having an adult conversation about it.
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Heâs worked miracles for other familyâs could work wonders for yours as well and do the paternity test plus provide therepy and whatever else you guys may need
If I were your husband, I would be really really upset you went to the ex husband before me. I donât know how you recover from that.
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Is it really going to make a difference is your new husband is not the father? I mean it sounds like your husband had raised him since birth so in my eyes, heâs the dad. Just be sure thatâs a can you really want to open because you can never close it again
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Talk to husband and let him take the paternity test and go from there. Sounds like you have a great relationship. Everything will work out.
I wouldnât show this to your husband, it might encourage him to be more upset than he would be without all this negative input. Hopefully he loves his family, including his older son and wants his family to remain close without a lot of drama!
I wish you a good outcome!
Just remember ever action has a consequence and are you ready to deal with it.
Your husband and son deserve your respect and consideration. Take it from there.
Why donât you do a dna test with your husband and if it comes back negative then you know itâs your exâs child then do something from there not go behind your husbands back and talk to your ex about your situation and your brother you should be talking to your husband
Hereâs my answer: Picture how you would feel if your ex did this to you. What would you do? How would you feel? Any reaction he has, is perfectly valid because you would be perfectly entitled to your own reaction if he did it. Just keep that in mind.
Oh honey. This must be torture. Honesty is the best. No matter how bad it hurts, the truth can be accepted, a lie (or omission of truth) is harder to forgive. Sending a hug.
Gurrl you should have talked to your husband first because if you noticed BELIEVE me he noticed too. He probably just tells himself heâs being ridiculous. With you doing the test heâs probably going to think you want to get back with your ex. If your ex had his suspension before why wait till now till you say something. He obviously wasnât that worried not to mention he cheated on you. Your in the wrong for keeping this from your husband. Your son sees him as dad and knows him as dad. Now youâre risking it all for what? I am just going to assume that your not fully over him and on some sort of level you miss him.
You do not hold that kind of Information from your Husband. Should have left that can of worms closed.If any concerns were there you should have talked to your husband first about it. The child is going to be the main one in the mess.
You shouldâve talked to youâre husband first not youâre ex about it then decided together what to do.
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Stop worrying about all the âwhat ifsâ , rip the bandaid off and tell your husband . Get the test done⌠id tell him before he finds out thru all these other people .
I hope your current husband ditches you after what Iâve just read no respect for him whatsoever poor guy!
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How could you possibly not know when there was a month inbetween. Sleeping with the 2. Iâm sorry but this makes no sense to me.
This should have been spoke about with current husband first.
I def wouldâve talked to my partner before telling anyone elseâŚ
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The truth will set you freeâŚyour child deserves to knowâŚget the test
I would talk to your husband. Do you still have feelings for your ex
I would ait your husband down and tell him exactly this, when you slept with your ex and when you slept with him and how close the dates were so the child could be your exs. Thatâs not your fault though! You moved on from your ex and struggled to have a family with him, you really need to outline this with your husband so he understands the entire situation. However itâs upto him how he chooses to see your son afterwards, if he wants to remain as dad thatâs amazing, but if his feelings change for the boy⌠thatâs really not upto you and itâll be quite unfortunate.
Do whatâs right by the boy, sooner or later it would have come out.
Your husband is still his father, heâs raised him, fed him, changed him, got up with him in the night took care of him when heâs sick, picked him up when he fell over, wiped his nose, the list is endless, a piece of paper doesnât change anything. Iâd wait until you get the results then have the conversation x
Worst thing is you have done all this behind your husbands back. You should have only first discussed this with HIM and you both make decisions from there. He has been completely left out and then heâs going to recieve heart breaking news. This is disrespectful to him and your married. He has raised this boy, loved him and deserves so much better than this.
Why wonder what could have been, your ex was a pig and cheated on you.
Why find out? Why turn your sonâs and your current husbandâs world completely upside down for what!? A father is the one thats the present person in his life raising him. You have most likely just ruined your family and broken your marriage.
Wait why the Heck would you tell you ex before discussing this with bot only your husband but the man that has raised that child for 8 damn years!! Like what in the world!!!
This kid is not a baby. Your ex has known for years/months that he possibly has a child yet he has ignored it. Youâre the one that initiated the DNA test. Youâre going to open up all kinds of cans of worms here including a custody mess where you could possibly lose joint or full custody of your child. Youâre doing it with a man who has cared nothing all along if this was his son. Just drop it. Leave it alone. Youâre about to disrupt a bunch of lives including your own. You are a fool if you go through with this!
I got to the part where you said your husband doesnât know yet.
First as your husband he should know because not only will be feel some kind of way about his son not being his he also has every right to be pissed that you went to your EX before you went to the MAN you sleep with and built a life with. Girl sit down asap with your husband and yâall decide what hat to do from there because itâs YALLS son at the end of the day no matter whoâs sperm made him.
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Didnât take you long to crawl in the sheets with someone else. Sounds like you ex wasnât the only one cheating.
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Eek, if this was a road you really even needed to go down, you shouldâve been having these conversations with your current husband yâall couldâve made a decision together about what to do and what not to do
Sometimes you gotta leave well enough aloneeeee.
But yea, ex shouldnât have been the one before your husband.
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Oh wow, this is definitely heavy and every single thing youâre feeling right now is valid. Itâs a bit concerning that youâre worried about how your husband will feel instead of your son though. Yea sure heâll be hurt but your son will be lost! At least the ex is willing to have a relationship with him if he is the dad. Your husband is a grown man and any reasonable grown man will under what happened here. He will be hurt and lost too but I donât think you did anything wrongâŚlife just happens!! A good man is always a good man regardless of how things play out. You definitely need to sit down with him and talk it out before the test results though. Should have addressed it with him before the ex.
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You should have discussed this with your husband before talking to the ex js.
Just get DNA problem solved
Definitely call the Steve Wilkos show
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I stopped readingâŚtell your husband. Now!!!
Why didnât you tell your current before your ex?
Your ex apparently has suspicions but never reached out. If I were your current Iâd feel betrayed simply because you couldnât confind in your partner when you were feeling doubts and vulnerable, thats a big red flag for me personally.
Tell him. Be as honest as possible and accept whatever decision he makes, good luck x
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Whether the kidâs his or not, he cheated and left you for someone else. Donât be stupider than youâre already being.
Emotionally, it may suck. Realistically, you had close with your ex and current in close proximity. You have nothing to feel guilty about and your husband has no right to be mad or hurt if the kid isnât his.
And stop being dumb 
as in, believing the ex and everyone else âknows.â Theyâre speculating.
if other people already know please tell your husband. he shouldnât find out from a third party.
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I wouldnât have said anything so what if itâs your exâs especially since he apparently already knew. Youâre husband raised that kid youâre husband is that kids father. You should of waited till he was older told him that his dad might not be his dad and let your son decide who he wants to be his dad or if he wants a relationship with a stranger. If your ex really cared about the kid being his he wouldâve said something to you. You fucked yourself and your husband not only are you bringing your ex back into your life your taking away your husbandâs kid and heâs gonna be put second as dad after raising this kid for 9 years. Pray he doesnât get upset and is understanding because I would t be.
I just really really want an update when yâall find out 
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You need to tell your current husband. Before you get that test. Donât be surprised if heâs upset by the fact that you went to your ex with this information before him. Your husband has been that childâs father for almost 10 years. Coming home from the hospital, feedings, sleepless nights, milestones, he was there. He sees himself as that boyâs father and you withheld information about his son from him and took it to your ex first. I would be livid if anyone withheld information about my daughter from me, especially my spouse. I would feel extremely betrayed. Thatâs a poor choice on your part for not telling your husband first. My thought is you need to tell him immediately. Before any test. You will have to deal with the fallout. Youâve involved your ex, his wife, his family and you canât put this genie back in the bottle. But you need to let your husband deal with his emotions any way he sees fit. I donât think his feelings about his son will change, heâs been his dad for 10 years, you canât just switch it off. Well I mean any decent parent canât. Itâs not that childâs fault. But everyone deserves to know the truth. I feel like everyone is going to suffer because of this, you, your husband, your ex, his wife, his children, your children but especially your son.
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Itâs not like you cheated on him, just tell him now before you let anymore time go by
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Id luv to know outcome & hope its ur husbands
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Your husband raised that boy! He is his fatherâŚ
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" But I feel guilty about all the time that we lost. Iâm grateful for my husband and that he gave me a family. But how different would my life be right now if I wouldâve just waited it out and didnât go looking for someone else after I kicked him out. Would he have came back to me to have the family we both always wanted? IDK what to do or where to go from here, Iâm at a loss. Iâm all over the place."
âŚ
You went to your ex first with the info. Not your husband, the one whos been there for him and raised him his entire life. Your ex.
You got that right, you really are all over the place. Messy. Your husband deserves better, ngl. Youâre over here wishing upon a star that your ex would come back to you 10 YEARS LATER, because the kid might be his ânow that you think of itâ smfh. That alone tells me that youâre not really about your husband, and if your ex (who obvi isnât for you if he was cheating on you behind your back) wanted you back, youâd probably make it happen.
Wanna know how your life would be different? Youâd not have your 2 younger children, your first child would be emotionally fucked because mommy and daddy hate each other and fight all the time because daddy makes mommy cry and isnât involved enough to give a damn and mommy is a fucking mess. That man you have now is a blessing to you and that family he helped create and take care of. Seems to me you regret your husband and wish it was your ex instead.
I said what I said.
I would have talked to my husband before talking to the ex about it.
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Your childâs father is the person who raised him. For lineage and health purposes, you should find out for sure, but it shouldnât impact anything for their relationship.
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So instead of focusing on the âwould have should haveâ that people are posting focus on that how to go forward, because you canât change whatâs happened. If I were in your shoes I would talk to your current husband, tell him how it transpired. You didnât cheat on anyone. I will say donât focus on what could have been, focus on what you have now. Yes, your current husband will be upset, regardless to how the events and information transpired, but if heâs a good guy then youâll both work through it; get therapy together if you need to.
For the ex and what could have been, he cheated on you when the going got tough, I have a feeling he would have had the same excuse to cheat if you could have kids too, donât dwell on what could have been, it wonât help you move forward.
Finally, I canât imagine how emotionally hard this is for you now, be strong so you can guide everyone else through it if your son is your exeâs, youâre family will need you to be clear headed and strong. Listen to them, how they feel, work together (ex included) on how to move forward with the new information. I however would caution sharing this with your son until you know the results, while kids are resilient they are also going through a lot of developments emotionally, be sure before you tell your son.
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Facilitate a relationship with them.
This is the beauty of Islam. For these reasons Islam restricts a divorced woman or widow from marrying a new man for four months. 
This is just asking to borrow trouble. You ended it because he cheated. Ok next âhis whole family thinks heâs the dadâ. If he wanted to be dad he would have contacted you. Why call him up in the first place saying u think the child looks like him? Your current husband is the dad. Heâs the man whoâs been there. Count your blessings in what you have and donât look for trouble!!
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Why didnât you just turned to your husband? Thatâs where you went wrong
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I canât believe you told your ex but not your current husband 
.
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My mil had this same thing happen. She got divorced remarried quickly and thought my husbandâs brother was her new husbandâs. 12 years later her husband started to question the childâs looks and he did a DNA behind her back. Come to find out he was not his he was the ex husbandâs. He filed for divorce right away and now she got back with the ex on and off.
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Isnât the family you have now âthe family youâve always wantedâ?