My spouse told me to stop helping my family: Thoughts?

Bs he needs to help more and quit his bitching help your family they need n want you love love love

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The bible say honor thy mother and father period.

I took care of my parents all my life and worked. Took time off work and went 23 hundred miles to to it. Luckily I did not get fired. Took two kids with me. Spent 3 months with her to the end. Loved her and she was a GREAT Mother

Do what feels right for you, but it seems as you don’t mind helping, so don’t stop because it bothers him, he isn’t the one doing it. My parents both passed and I only wish I could help them. He can help with housework too, you both work, so what makes him so special that he has you done everything for him? :roll_eyes:

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You are being warned… please don’t ignore it. The way he is acting is a precursor to a toxic relationship. Sit down, think deeply about what you will, and will not accept, and then talk to him about it. Straightforward and to the point. Ask what he will and will not accept. If ya’ll can’t find middle ground with very clear lines, you have a decision to make. Please trust me on this… it starts with little things, backed by guilt trips and “I only want/do this because I love you” crap. It gets worse. Way worse. I could understand an honest caring about your wellfare if your parents lean on you for everything and take up a large amount if your to-do list. But if they don’t, then it smells like BS to me. Has he encouraged you to get out for some time with friends or fam without him? If he hasn’t, and does not approve of any breaks without him, then your parents asking for help isn’t the problem. He’s already started the isolation part. Abuse isn’t just physical beatings. Also, keep in mind, you and your husband are teaching your kids how they should act, and what they should put up with in their marriages. Be strong in following through with what feels right to YOU. :heart:

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Wow! He’s jealous of your parents and wants to be in control of you… plain and simple. As long as you are able to help them and you don’t feel taken advantage of I’d tell him screw him and his opinion!

I guess it depends… You said what you do for him… And to most that sounds great. But as with anything maybe you’re tired is also taking time from him, or what is important for him too. You say you do it after you’ve done all this other stuff… But maybe there is something important to him you are neglecting. Or seeing you tired, knowing your parents can handle some of this or their other children… Not saying cut them off, but if this was hubby always doing for his parents when he has a wife, child… We don’t know his side… Wanting your spouse to focus on the family you created is not some horrific thing. And we only hear how it is doing, stressing you… Maybe instead of assuming he is fully taken care of… find out why. Maybe he is a sh!t partner, but maybe he is not… And hate for you to find out later… His needs are met elsewhere :woman_shrugging:t4:.

If he truly loves you, he would respect your concerns & feelings you have about your parents. He should be supporting you, not chastising you!

sounds like a jerk nobody should be having to choose or answer to any housework not being done…thats should be team work whether or not he works he seems like an entitled piece of shit make him help out more around the house if its such a problem acting like bn a mom is so dam easy…grrrr thats not cool at all…

It sounds like you know he’s a complete a-hole. And he’s wrong too! So…🤷

Please don’t cut yourself out from your families life. To me he is trying to isolate you so you have no one. If someone is giving you “the talk” because certain things never got done that day… here’s your red flag. Don’t ignore them to only be the reason you leave in the future.

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First and foremost… You continue to help your parents!!! He doesn’t even help HIS little family (you and child) out. So he should shut the fuck up!!!

It sounds like your SO is trying to alienate you from everyone. And Bc you’re not giving into his control he has outbursts (tantrums). I bet you when he’s nice… all is so amazing. But when he’s anything else but nice - you ponder which is the real him!!! I’m sure you even blame yourself!!! Don’t do that!!! The ugly nasty person he becomes… is the real him!!! It sounds like you’re with a narcissist. If you’re not married to him… never ever do that!!!

I’d advise you to sit and analyze his behavior Bc I’m positive there’s other signs. Maybe you just haven’t noticed them. They’re such great charmers but don’t believe the fuxkin hype!!! Seriously… plan you’re fuxkin escape. I promise you it’ll never get better… only worse !!! (If you do leave… brace yourself for his erratic behavior. And, don’t let him use your child as leverage to YOU!!!)

Sending you protection, strength and healing energies. :pray::two_hearts::dizzy:

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Tell him your an adult and you will decide for yourself you don’t need his approval in this .You also work from home so instead of bitching about what you do for your parents perhaps he should step up and do some of the housework if you are working and caring for a child it shouldn’t be all down to you.

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Red flag :triangular_flag_on_post:
Him or them that will be the next question you will be asking. Sounds like he is very controlling. You are helping your family, shouldnt be any question against that! Sounds like you do plenty and more for him, bit of jealously going on here i think. Your parents will always be there for you and your friends, dont push them away for you to be wishing you hadnt later in time. Hes just a man not your lifeline, keep that in mind when he manipulates you in this way.

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I’d say the SO is the problem.

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Sounds to me that HE is the reason you are exhausted.

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Your SO sounds like a bellend.

Try family therapy. Sometimes, the dirty laundry needs to be aired with an outside source so feelings cannot manipulate decisions

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Girl your husband may not be your husband forever but your family will always be there for you. Tell him you’re an adult and you can decide for yourself what you’re willing to do for your parents. Whatever you do, don’t stop helping them.

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I had this with an ex he isolated me stopped me talking to my friends and others family mostly I’d say get out while u can

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They are your parents lol He doesn’t have to like it whether he’s your husband or not. You’re allowed to help your parents out in anyway you want. He don’t like it too bad. He doesnt control or own you.

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Sounds like you are doing too mucb for your so… yes he works full time but so do you and you take of a child sp he needs to help out more

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Tell him to eff off they are your parents you only get one set and I lost my dad last year and ill tell you what I miss him asking me to do stuff so tell him your not going to stop helping them and I’m not being funny but if he gave me the talk while I’m looking g after our child and working full time I’m sorry he would be out the door. Tell him to step.up and help

Yeah, that relationship wouldn’t work for me. I wish I had better advice than to leave him.

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The help your giving your parents doesn’t sound like an inconvenience. Sounds like the beginning of an abusive relationship. Considering he has a problem with you doing small things for your family, but expects you to do all the housework, care for the baby, and continue to work.

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You only have one set of parents, keep helping them but don’t tell him. And if you didn’t get something done at the you work a full time job, take care of baby and house. Sorry if the floor didn’t get cleaned today , bye boy.

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Your parents aren’t going to live forever I think you should still help them your husband needs to mind his own because what you do for your parents doesn’t affect him at all.

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Wtf, you’re helping your PARENTS. This doesn’t warrant an explanation to anyone. I wanna say leave him but that’s just me. Sounds like he’s trying to isolate you from your loves ones.

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Google 'Gaslighting"…your parents will not be here forever…its important that you spend time with them. A supportive understanding husband should not come between his wife and her parents. I would be concerned that this may be just the beginning.

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Perhaps compromise? Help your parents on with their needs on certain days of the week and the rest spend with your family. This way your husband doesn’t feel that your being overworked and you can still help your parents out.

Your husband sounds like an immature CONTROL freak!!! He wants to know what you DO all day??? THAT is NOT okay at all!!! He is supposed to LOVE and SUPPORT you as his partner!!! NOT treat you like a slave!!! SHEESH!!!

First how is his relationship with his parents and family? That is a big clue on why he has expectations on your family dynamic with your parents. We are all brought up different and have different relationships with our parents. This doesn’t excuse the pressure he is putting on you, because of how he feels your relationship with your parents should look like. Seems like you do the bulk of the caretaking for your household, how does he help? Just because you are a mom doesn’t mean the entire responsibility falls on you. That’s a whole other issue that should be addressed. In a marriage it will always be a team effort and not a majority of responsibilities on one person. He also needs to know that he isn’t going to dictate the type of relationship you will have with your parents and that using them as an excuse to make you feel like you are not keeping up with “your” responsibilities at home, when in fact they fall on him as well! Best of luck!

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Sounds like good advice from a lot of good people…your parents helped you now its your turn. God be with you!

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Sounds like he is controlling. He should also be grateful for what you are doing around the house not giving you the talk when something isn’t done. Keep helping your parents. They won’t be around forever

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Don’t stop helping your parents just to keep your man happy because you and your parents will be miserable, and he will find something else to complain about!!! I know men like that. They don’t stop until you are completely isolated and alone.

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This sounds very controlling to me. Like he’s trying to isolate you or something. I could be wrong, I don’t know your relationship… but you only have 1 set of parents. I would give anything to have my dad call me one last time to ask me for help with something…

The beginning of an abusive relationship always starts like this. They isolate you from your friends, your family, your co workers and anyone else that would get in the way of him abusing you. Get out while you can. Run for the hills.

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What goes around comes around, you are being a great role model for your children, they learn what they see. In your case they see a hard working loving mother helping her parents, that’s a great example your setting. Someday when you’re both old and gray your going to need assistance from time to time and they’ll step up . Do not let this foolish man change your values tell him to back off and you go girl , lots of good karma in your future.

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No. There is no way i could deal with my man being this way about my parents. If it was detrimental your emotion or well being, i could get it. But this is far from that. He needs to get tf over it

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No husband should ever give you a talk about what you’ve been doing all day when you don’t get something done, they should asking what they can do to help.

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Your parents are yours and if you can help them do so. Because as time goes on they may not be there to help. And ur so sounds way to controlling for me. Way I see it if u have got everything done what’s the harm.

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Think this so called guy is controlling you if you want to help your parents carry on you have a 6 month old daughter take care of your self and baby that’s important not him it’s not a women’s job to do every thing it’s half way get rid ring women’s aid or take to siblings for advice hope your ok and will ok or chat to friends or may be a doctors appointment x good luck hope you get the help and surport hun x

I think you need to have a sit down thorough talk with your husband, explain to him that it’s not your parents making things hard for you and that is just your parent-child relationship, ask him how he would feel if someone got between his child and him. Try to get him to understand. I wouldn’t lie to him about helping, as long as boundaries are in place so its not taking 100% of your time, you should always still have time to care for yourself, its truly not his say, its not his parents. It doesn’t sound like he sees it from your point of view right now, which needs to change for him to stop pestering you about this specific topic.

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I don’t think your parents are the problem. There is no reason for your SO to be giving you ‘a talk’ when he thinks enough didn’t get done by you that day. It sounds like you do more than your share and he is being controlling.

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Your parents come first!!! If he ever leaves you (because it sounds like you can’t stand up for yourself and won’t leave him) you are gonna have your parents to back you up and even help you in any given way! Girl you work from home and still take care of your responsibility come on you got this :muscle:t5:. Please keep loving your parents and wish you the best. God Bless you

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Wow he sounds like someone with control issues. Never let a man isolate you from immediate family, that is a huge red flag.
The talk thing sounds like just another red flag.

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Your husband has lost my faith in humanity… it takes 2 seconds to be a nice person… even if they weren’t your parents they trust you enough to ask for your help… it’s being a decent human

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wow…I am really that shocked that a spouse would make such a request :astonished::flushed:
Im South African and In our culture we take of each other.We are there for each other no matter what.

He sounds like a piece of work. Very selfish and controlling

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Certainly he must’ve known this before you were married. Sounds like you already do more than him in a day. He should be cooking dinner sometimes and doing laundry sometimes too. You both work and if you want to spend a few minutes helping out family like you are, there’s nothing he really should be saying about it.

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He sounds controlling my ex husband was exactly like that when my dad was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor my then husband left me because I was paying more attention to my parents than him same thing happened when my mom was diagnosed with dementia he kicked me out, we needed our parents when we were growing up and as they get older they need us and they probably picked you because your the only child that pays attention, if he wants u to choose between him n them choose them and yourself

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Don’t feel bad for helping your parents. I’m self employed and some weeks I work 80 hours. But when one of my parents call for help I help. I’m the youngest of my mother’s 4 and the middle of my father’s 5. My parents weren’t really there for me when growing up but I still make sure that I help them if they need it. My other half doesn’t mind and even if he did I would still do it. I know that if I need something they help. That’s what you do for family. It’s one thing if they are taking advantage of you but that’s not what you are describing.

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You only have 1 set of parents. They did raise you and now you are helping them back…I did that with my parents all the time… They won’t be around forever enjoy helping them…

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Sorry but I would help my parents maybe he could out more himself Since you worked at home and keeps everything going

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My hubby used to say" what did I do all day(we have 5 kids) after several repeats , one day I didn’t to anything extra, kids were minded, meals were had, naps for kids. Nothing else, he came home and looked at the hurricane kids mess. " What happened" he said. I replied" you said I didn’t do anything, in the day, so today I didn’t so you could notice the difference. …he didn’t say it anymore, and I went back to what I usually did.

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You only have one mom and dad you should help when possible. they would do the same for you and have many times. I would never stopping doing something for my parents just because a man wanted me to.

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Keep helping your parents. Set the example for your kids how to treat and care for their family, so the cycle of this kindness can keep keeping on! Remind your husband you care for your own clan in the same way, and likely his parents if/when the time comes that they need help. Which… it likely will. We all get older and need help. I’m not sure if its not impeding on your time or resources why your SO gets bothered… but just be mindful of whatever you do… or how you respond to his resistance those little eyes are watching. Sounds like you’re great family to have!:heartpulse:

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This doesn’t sound like a big deal that they occasionally ask you something and I’m not sure what not being the oldest has to do with it. Honestly it sounds like your husband is trying to control you. He wants to make sure you are doing everything for him and if you are doing something for your parents you might not get everything done that he wants. Tell him that if he is really concerned about you being overworked by booking and appointment for them he is welcome to step in and help with the house work unless he thinks he shouldn’t have to do that stuff and thats only your job.

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Read what u just posted!!!. Ur So, is the problem… His the one lacking and not helping u out. HIS USING UR PARENTS AS IN EXCUSE of why u tired… Your tired because it looks that ur doing everything in the household… And him pointi g at your parenst is how he gets away with things so he dont have to do them.

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It sounds like he wants to isolate you from your parents. They’re your parents and they’re not great with English. They’re not asking you to do everything for them they’re just asking for some help here and there which is what your SO should be doing. Helping you here and there since you BOTH live in that home and the baby is BOTH of yours. Having an infant is a LOT of work and you’re doing so much keeping the household running. He sounds very toxic and somewhat mentally abusive tbh

I just lost my Dad 2 weeks ago. A piece of my heart is empty. If you are happy helping them and it sounds like you are then please Don’t let anyone come between you and your parents. They have always been there for you I assume now it’s time for you to be there for them. They won’t be around forever.

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Shall we say control? That’s ridiculous! He should be thankful your so loving & kind…

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Never abandon your parents or ignore them! If the other SO don’t like it or understand, there’s the door!

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Your poor excuse of a husband is just being selfish. He wants you just for him. Don’t ever stop helping your parents. Once they’re gone you’re going to miss them.

My mother died when I was 5, my dad when I was 9. I would GIVE ANYTHING to be able to do something for them, help them, have them around, etc… but I can’t. Please, if your SO can’t understand that those are your family, your mom and dad, they are so important to you, and he can’t allow you to have the relationship you want to have and need to have with them, then he needs to go, I’m sorry to say it like that but I’m so serious. One day they won’t be there, and you’ll be like me, wishing you could see them just one more time.

Your parents deserve help from you. They were there for you for many years.

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You need to find out why it bothers him & then go from there.

All the siblings should help I know it’s easier said than done some don’t like to do it but they should help it’s the right thing to do for your parents

He needs to grow up. Insecure much, one would have thought.

I think you should think long and hard about this man. This is controlling behavior IMO.

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A man can be replaced but your parents can’t

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Do it! Don’t ever let anyone make you feel guilty for helping your parents :pray:t3:

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You have a job besides the baby and house work ! Tell him to help!!!

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Separating you from others is a warning sign.

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Tell him to shove it! Family first!!

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From the sound of it, your husband is not pulling his weight at home. You are both working full time, but you’re taking care of the baby, the house, and your husband. You’re also cooking dinner every night. He should really be supporting you with household chores and child duties, because you really have 2 full time jobs with all of that.

I’m concerned about “the talk” you mentioned. It’s impossible to do everything in a shared household, and it’s understandable if something doesn’t get done. Does he belittle you about not doing it all? Do you leave those conversations feeling bad about yourself? If so, I wonder if he is abusive.

I’m also concerned about him trying to isolate you from family. You are allowed to support your family members in whatever way you choose and trying to make you cut them off in this way may also indicate abuse. I hope it all works out for you and let me know if you need any support or resources.

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He sounds like a jerk (or worse)

No thanks. I’d be telling him how its going to be and if he doesn’t straighten it out, I’d be gone. Not on my watch will someone do that.

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He would have to kick rocks

I am sorry but, this is how my previous abusive relationship started. He claims that your parents are burdening you, but in reality he wants all of your focus to be on him. It starts with the gaslighting, followed by the snide comments, and then the isolation. Once you are completely isolated is when he has you right where he wants you. I honestly wouldn’t stop doing for my parents just because he can’t man up and be supportive. I wouldn’t stay anymore.

Girl what will you do when your parents get old and need need you?!

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Keep the parents, dump the hubs.

If you are putting your family first (as in your child and your husband), why does he have a problem with it? Your parents raised you into the devoted mother & wife you are today. In my opinion, he’s selfish & would much prefer you to be dictated by ‘whatever’ it is that he expects of you. Set some boundaries, but pulling you away from your family is not a good sign.

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I think that is selfish unless they wronged you in a very bad way!!! I dumped many boyfriends because they tried to make me not see my mom. It was over. My family means something to me. I only have one mom. He also sounds like an asshole who doesnt deserve you. Just because you work at home doesnt mean you DONT work. Tell him to pitch in at home so you can not be so tired. Then go visit your family. If he doesnt like it divorce his ass.

As someone who lost her Dad on February 3rd, I’d tell him to kiss my ass and if he didn’t like that he could go out the same door he came in…

Your SO is a significant asshole. He needs counseling. If he doesn’t agree to get help for HIS problem, kick his ass out.

Keep helping your parents and stop doing so much around the house. You work a full time job from home so he can also come home and do some damn house work, not ask what you’ve done all day. It’s ok to tell him you took some time for yourself and he can pick up some slack or shut his mouth about it.

I’m kind of in the same boat as you but there is differences that I want to point out. Yes I help my parents do small things here and there hell I even do big tasks for them too. My brother is diagnosed with autism and epilepsy and I took him to his doctors appointment and my husband encouraged me to take him. Of course I have the respect of telling him what will be happening and he has no problem with it. At the end of the day your parents raised you and have far more worth then your husband does. Don’t loose your parents for a person who probably doesn’t care about his own parents.

Tell him to fuck off lol

This guy sounds really controlling. I’m sorry, but: You are working full time from home, raising a 6 month old baby, and keeping the house and laundry up. Why the fuck does he think you are tired all the time?! Keep helping your parents. And maybe give some serious thought about this relationship. It’s completely normal for both of you to be tired and irritable with a 6 month old baby. (I know this is a snapshot of behavior, but it’s a really disturbing snapshot.) Controlling or domineering personalities do not get better on little sleep, and the stress that comes with parenting does not decrease, it just changes it’s nature. He will be stressed out about parenting for the rest of your life; believe me, I know of what I speak, it does not get easier. If he keeps giving you grief about being exhausted after a full day of parenting an INFANT on top of housework on top of working from home; if he keeps USING you as a scapegoat for his own anxiety, really really think about if you want to take your precious baby and help your parents full time. From their home.

Wow I thought you were going to mention money if you don’t mind helping with things like that he shouldn’t be on you. Like it seems he’s almost jealous, trying to find an excuse to be hard on you when it seems like your doing a pretty darn good job. You mentioned how he just started working again so what’s his deal? He should remind himself how busy in a day it can be and he can’t try and stress you out already then you are with everything your dealing with during the day. If he had a complaint he should help too otherwise he should shut it and let you be. It sounds like your doing a great job. I would talk to him, try and find a way to come up with something so if he sees your tired help you out or give you a massage or something not come home and complain after clearly not seeing each other all day

First of all, sounds like you’re doing EVERYTHING in the house and he wasn’t even working a full time job? And he has the nerve? I
would’ve just left, yeah sounds harsh and whatever but he sounds like he’s trying to control you from your family and honestly this is how it starts. It’s not like you’re giving them money :unamused:

I will never stop helping my family, financially or with other things. He’s sounds selfish. No way would I take that.

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You help your family .he shouldnt even question bout it if your happy to help them there your mum and dad who u love .bet there wouldnt be issue if it was his mum and dad .xx good luck show him all these comments maybe he will see it differently then

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He can take it OR LEAVE it. Period!

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Ok, you lost me at “what have you been doing all day”. I am hone with my kids, and my husband only asks that when he wants to piss me off, and he never means it seriously. If I thought for one second he was trying to lecture me about getting something done when he has 2 arms and legs to do it himself, that’d be the last time I lifted a finger around here.
“Why does the house look like this?! The bathroom is flooded and the baby is covered in crusted food and a dirty diaper!”
“Well, remember when you asked what I do all day? I didn’t do any of it today. You’re welcome to go ahead and do it though. I’ll be at my parents’ if you have any questions. Good luck!”
Yeah. Sounds like you have a financial helper not a partner… not even a provider since you both work! That takes nerve. Don’t be a doormat. Do what you can handle when you want to handle it. He can do the rest. F-ck that noise.

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If you’re actually telling the truth, he certainly needs a councilor. I personally think there’s more to the story than you’re telling us

Tell your So to piss off. You should be helping your parents.

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Your husband sounds like a baby. Sorry.

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It sounds like your husband is a lazy man, maybe he should help you out around the house, if you don’t think your parents are a burden on you, then they are not a burden on you, I’d give him “the talk” if it was me!!!

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