I think you should move past the drama. Your daughter wants you to do it and was looking forward to it. Don’t disappoint that young girl 
26 Likes
Your feelings are hurt. Don’t take it out on your daughter. She doesn’t deserve it. This is not about you. Did you really expect a different reaction from her Mother.
6 Likes
My take on that is she suggested a hairdresser BECAUSE she can’t afford and wanted to use that as an excuse to not say no but to not let the girl do it. She probably doesn’t want to say “no” because she is afraid of loosing the kid’s affection
9 Likes
Frankly, it sounds like her “mother” doesn’t get a say. You’re parenting your daughter; she’s creating drama for no reason. Enjoy dyeing your daughter’s hair and quit worrying about the drama mama.
15 Likes
You extended ‘mom’ the courtesy of allowing her to attempt to be a part of her daughter’s feminine milestone. She refused. Now, the girl is looking to you to show her you support her and will be there where her bio mom has failed. Dye her hair. You’ll be glad you did.
25 Likes
Am a step mom too I think I should dye her hair also u rising her as your own child and that something y’all 2 do together and u can see that it effect her closes with y’all use to have she look at as her mother also cause you always been there for her so don’t mess that up cause of her real mom let the father handle the mom continue do a great job that you always have
2 Likes
Sadly your step daughter is the one caught in the middle of this battle. I would just do what first planned on doing and if the mom comes back with attitude just say I gave you the opportunity to do it your way you opted out… And just end it there
12 Likes
Just do it…if the child is happy then that’s all that matters and the bio mom should see that…she should feel blessed to have a caring Person in her daughters life who can step in and take a role that you have!!
4 Likes
Dye her hair! Don’t put the kid in the middle of the drama. Yes the kid wanted her hair done but she doesn’t need to listen to you 3 go back forth. It will wash out so I don’t see the big deal.
6 Likes
I would absolutely do it!!! Like you said, it’s something you and her could do could do together.
Ps…I would do mine to just to get under her skin!!!
2 Likes
Have her dad take her to a salon. Not that you should stay out of it, but that way she can’t blame you for anything.
Just do it yourself. Your husband seems to be backing you up so save yourselves the money and do it!
3 Likes
Dye her hair!!! Mom can suck it if she doesn’t like it. As long as your kiddo likes it, that’s all that matters!
7 Likes
Girl from the way it sounds you need to quit worrying about the " mom that’s not paying anything ". I would advise with her if thats how you feel. But I personally would do what I wanted as a parent. If she can’t pay for it then why all the drama over it? I would have a conversation with her mom and agree to disagree. Sounds like she’s just being petty.
2 Likes
Do your daughter’s hair! Her bio mom is using it to turn her against you.
3 Likes
Her mom is a flake. She’s manipulated the situation in order to ruin something that should have been fun between you and your bonus daughter and managed to make you the bad guy. Stick to the original plan. Take your girl, get the dye and do her hair yourself. You got this.
4 Likes
She’s 10 years of age and her birth mom should have some say but your step daughter has been raised my you and her dad and she’s currently living under yalls roof not her birth mom. The way I would go about it would be to have your daughter save her money for the stuff to do her hair with you or save the money to go to the salon and if she chooses the salon I would invite the birth mom to come along if she wants to share that moment with her daughter and you.
1 Like
Don’t be the bad person in this. You told your daughter you would do it. She wants YOU to do it not a stranger.
4 Likes
So many people in your shoes wouldn’t have even asked!!!Sounds to me like this was done on purpose by mom to cause a rift. I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to do her hair anymore. That being said,
I’d just tell the girl you had a change of mind and make a fun day out of it. It’s something a little fun in this crazy world we live in!!
4 Likes
Dye her hair and your’s to match
3 Likes
Do what you do if her father gave you permission do it. She is suggesting a hairdressor because its her wa of having some control. Nope id just do it.
1 Like
I’m a “Bonus” Mom too. It’s hard but someday she’ll call you on Mother’s Day and tell you she loves you like my 2 bonus kids did today for me!!! Hang in there!
Get her some clip ins and you can dye them together, that way she can wear them and take them out…
4 Likes
I agree with the just do it,but now that will put child in middle once again because mom is gonna start shit and say negative things because “step mom” did it. This time I’d just take her to a salon and pay for the whole thing. And after that do it yourself and don’t ask considering the situation. Would be the least drama for the child.
I would do her hair as planned and move on. Honestly, you are raising her… I would not have involved mom to begin with. That may sound harsh, but she is not involved and that just created a whole mess of drama for no reason, the only person who that hurt was your little girl caught in the middle.
2 Likes
Just do it. Hair grows back and can be changed back anytime.
Your husband should make the decision. But I think you should do it.
Just do it, from now on don’t consult the egg donor.
1 Like
Know your lane. Do not dye. Drop it and move on. Don’t dwell on it and keep you stewed.
I would have just died it & move on. Mom would have to get over it
Then let her mom pay for it to be done
Seriously, just do it. Who cares if bio mom nitpicks now? You gave her an option and she’s not going with it. And it’s just hair. Have fun and let the drama go. You’re letting her interfere in the relationship you have with your stepdaughter. Just do it! 
3 Likes
I would dye her hair.
Just do it. You will be the bigger person in the end.
Just do her hair, move past the drama, and if she’s over 14 I’d say it’s her hair, she lives with you, and hair is temporary! You could have done a temp job at home without a word and let the cards fall where they will…life is too short and it sounds like that little lady has had enough drama to last 3 lifetimes already. Step-Child, Step-Mother, Step-Sister have I been. When I lived in Dad’s house I did with my step-mom…when I lived at my Mom’s I tried to do stuff with her…been there…just be a Mom and less stress on the Step part. Don’t worry about Mom, lead with love, and you can’t go wrong.
Yeah like wtf why would you just not do it. Do her effing hair and stop perpetuating the drama. You’re not getting attitude she’s a disappointed child and she doesn’t know how to say, “I feel like my mom really fucked that up for me and you’re now upholding her power trip because of your own attitude towards my mom. Please just do my hair mom I love you.”
1 Like
If you made up your mind of not doing it anymore why are you coming here for advise? Also how old is the girl? Why not let her do whatever she wants when she’s older and can make her own decisions. Otherwise just buy her clip ins, problem solved.
You do it.You and her Dad take care of her.Her Mom is just starting trouble.Dont let her win.She will never get it done.Good luck.
It’s just hair color. It won’t last forever, especially with summer coming.
Do it.
1 Like
Die her hair. You are her mom.
You gave her the opportunity to have a say, and she insisted on a professional even though you’re capable. If she can’t pay for the professional, go back to your original plan and do it yourself! Your daughter shouldn’t be the one to suffer because her bio is being unreasonable about something so small!
2 Likes
Dye her hair yourself! Dye yours too. That will piss off her mom. Haha.
1 Like
Happy mother’s day 
I say just do it yourself.
Can’t imagine how frustrating that is for you but you guys are showing her how to deal with difficult situations
So I feel like by you getting mad that she is mad and now refuse to do it, seems like a punishment to the child. It isn’t that she wants it done professionally… she wants the experience and time to spend with you, clearly something her mother won’t take the time to do or she doesn’t feel comfortable asking for. Just be patient and do her hair with a smile, you’ll feel so good about it when you see her smile
2 Likes
Dye it. She lives with you and her dad. Her dad says do it and wants you to do it. Get temporary dye so it will wash put if she doesn’t like it. Then go permanent next time if she likes it. Mom would have more say if she wanted to help financially amd had more than visitation. I understand where mom is coming from because I would get mad if my ex amd his gf did this toy daughter, but I have custody and financially do for her. So I your circumstances you, dad, and 13 year old daughter have final say.
3 Likes
I’d probably just have a chat with mom with your daughter there so your daughter can express her wants to her mom, also you can get some hair colors that wash out in a couple of washes mum should be willing to compromise with you both on that if not I’d just do it anyway, it will wash out 
best of luck 
I do hope your daughter is able to have some pretty color put in her hair 
1 Like
If she’s primarily in your and your husbands house and you two provide for her, her father approves and she’s actively asking for it (I take away from this that she’s 13 - so old enough to make certain decisions), dye the poor girls hair.
4 Likes
You do her hair! (Or take her but since the original plan was for you to do it and the girl is fine with it) You and her dad HAVE practically raised her, you are more than a ‘stepmom’
Sounds like yall have a wonderful bond! Don’t allow her mothers drama disrupt it❤
5 Likes
My daughter lives with her dad, shes 13 her dad’s gf did her hair one day without me knowing until I got my daughter and saw her hair…she wanted it done and I stood by her with that fact Hair is hair and you can cut it or dye it its gonna grow back colors will fade. I say do her hair!!! The mom will get over it eventually.
2 Likes
I don’t mean any offence but it sounds like a little bit of an excuse to stick one to the bio mom. Maybe even a little subconsciously. It’s Clear you love your step daughter so just put her first. The mother is stuffing her around and it sounds like she has track record of not coming through when it comes to this girl. So i reckon just go for it and do it yourself.
1 Like
Just do it yourself. Forget what her mom said she is being petty
Your daughter comes first. Do what she is happy with!
2 Likes
So you’re mad at bio mom and punishing step-daughter. That’s not cool.
Also next time have husband ask her mom before you offer. That way the child is not in the middle of it and the bio parents can decide and then let daughter know before she gets her hopes up. You shouldn’t offer something unless you know both of her parents are ok with it first
1 Like
Just dye her hair. Her bio mom sounds like a jealous brat that just needs to put her seatbelt back on in the back seat
6 Likes
Think about your child for a start instead of getting all involved in the drama.
Do that girls hair or take her to the salon but if your capable id do it myself
1 Like
I think 13 is a little young
She’s Tú hija 
Your step daughter seems old enough to make her own decisions and if she wants her hair dyed then do it. My mom understood when I wanted something personally and if my stepmom did it for me it was never an issue. Like I wanted my hair cut once so my stepmom cut my hair and it was 100% fine.
Do her hair. She’s going to see which parents are the ones there for her.
You should just do it and not let her biological mom ruin this for you two any more than she already has! I’m in your same boat and although I respect that she’s the reason the child is on this earth - you and your husband are the reason that child is healthy and safe and happy - you put in the blood sweat and tears and you deserve this as much as your daughter does
Her bio mom is just wanting to feel in control if her dad has full custody I wouldn’t include bio mom in any desicion unless it were medical.
2 Likes
Just do the kids hair
Dont punish the kid cause 2 adults cant get it together!!! All I herd was I dont like I dont feel comfortable I want this…who cares what u want who cares what that mom wants u all agree it’s ok to dye her hair u all have told her it’s ok to dye her hair quit arguing semantics and get it done!!! The grown ups are being stupid and the little girl is loosing faith in all of u…get it together!!!
1 Like
Just do it. Have the fun time you originally planned.
She’s a no body, if you have raised her then you are her mum and you say what goes.
If bio-mom wants it done in a shop let her pay for it!! If your Daughter wants it done a trusts you to do it, and Dad is on board with you doing it, get the stuff and do it, sounds like bio-mom is just flexing her non-existent authority!!
Have fun with your daughter, this time flies by, though it seems to drag on!!!
3 Likes
Lady, stay on your lane. You are not her mother. Thats not your decision to make
4 Likes
Do the hair! Give that girl some pink! If she won’t pay for her to go to a shop then do it yourself, you guys will have so much fun.
I had this issue with my ex’s kids, I would paint their nails and we would have so much fun too. They would go back to their mom and she would call us freaking out…not so much that the nails were painted, but that I was the one who painted them. Even the oldest was like "mom was mad that you painted my nails, but she liked them."
In the interim maybe do koolade temporary?
Girl do that babies hair. The egg donor just making waves where they shouldn’t be none. 10 years? Yeah do that babies hair.
4 Likes
You are her mom just do it ! And make it some girl time with snacks or a game while you wait for the processing of the hair that way you guys can relive your tension with the whole situation.
Take her or you do it
Do it, her mom just saw an opportunity to come between you and your step daughter. Your husband even agrees, just do it. You are hurting her more by being childish about it.
1 Like
Honestly, it sounds like child is able to make the ultimate decision herself! I feel if she does end up being taken to the hairdresser though, it should be the biological mother paying because it was her request.
She wants you to do it. Just do it!
They have the spray that washes out
Just do it!
Although, in the future you should check with the mum first as a courtesy instead of the daughter doing it.
1 Like
Do it and get your hubby to deal with his ex. It is about the child at the end of the day.
2 Likes
She wants you to do it, bio mom said ok, husband said ok…
Just do it…make a day out of it…take her shopping for the dye…lunch…then dye hair…make up for all the drama she had to endure from bio…
Having a baby doesn’t make a patent…it’s all the rest after…your her mom
2 Likes
I just want to point out that the same way OP feels the bio mom should have discussed with the father first… is the same courtesy that should of been shown by talking to bio mom first before telling the daughter/stepdaughter that it was going to be done. 
Respect and communication between (bio) parents involved.
Just do it. the mom just want to cause drama
2 Likes
Pffft that mom doesn’t get to tell her she can’t do it
1 Like
So originally you were going to do it for her before her mom said that you can go ahead and do it but now you are refusing to do it? Why are you refusing to color your step daughter’s hair if her mom already said you can do it. Sounds like you’re dragging it out more then it needs to be. Either do it yourself or take her to have it done it’s not that hard.
1 Like
Yeah I do it. Super sweet of you to ask, but completely unnecessary
I too have raised my "stepdaughter"for 10 yrs. Biological mom is in and out of her life. I talked to my husband when our daughter wanted to dye her hair and that was it. The “mother” had no say. We sent her a picture after the fact. It was sweet to ask her. But just dye that babies hair for her. The kids are the ones that matter. The parents that put in the work day in and day out get to make those decisions… If she were a good mom and did her part then ahe should have her say in the choices…
3 Likes
She wants you to do it. Your husband says to do it. You’ve raised that girl since she was a baby. You have every right to do it and the mother can sit her unfit ass down and stay out of it. She doesn’t help or have custody so her opinion doesn’t matter from my perspective. Dye that girls hair and enjoy your bonding time💜
Just color that child’s hair. Especially if she was so excited for you to do it to begin with. Don’t make it more complex just because her mother is a ass.
Just take her! If mom can’t afford it mom shouldn’t suggest it. If moms not paying for it mom has zero say in who it’s done by
Just do her hair and ignore the mother. She is just causing drama for drama sake
Just do it… You deserve to bond with her too
Take her to hairdresser
Dye her hair, you have raised that child. The mother is just causing trouble. Life it to short for all this strife. You are more a mum to her that her blood mother.
Make her mom do it and pay for it all of it tell the dad you stepped out it’s not your problem till the step-daughter you love her dearly but it’s up to her mother and to talk to her mom
1 Like
My daughter likes putting color in her hair too so i just use the chalk hair colors. They show really well and she has dark hair. Theres also other ways to put color in a child hair without having to dye it.
Hate that the child is experiencing this and you also but just take the daughter to get her hair done or you do it. The daughter is not responsible for her mom’s action, put the child first and handle the adult stuff amongst the adults.
2 Likes
Just do it. And stop running things by bio mom, she will always start drama . 10 years, that’s your kid, you don’t need permission
2 Likes
Her mother said you could do it, but was more comfortable with her going to an actual hairstylist. I don’t see the problem… it seems like your helping to create drama by saying you won’t do it after you got the mom to say YOU can do it. Just get it done by a hairdresser as a good healthy compromise.
This also my be an unpopular opinion but… just because she is poor and only sees her child every other weekend doesn’t make her a bad parent. 
she obviously made some mistake in the past but it seems you are holding a grudge against the mom for that mistake and being poor… most fathers get every other weekend in custody agreements… are you going to judge them for that? Probably not, I wouldn’t.
The key to coparenting is communication and compromise.