I would install indoor security cameras. I have Geeni. There’s no way anyone can say they didn’t do it when it’s recorded. You get the cameras from Walmart, install an app on your phone, and you can see in real time what’s happening; you can even talk to them through your phone/ cameras. Maybe Dad will see with his own two eyes what’s happening. 
But then again, it could cause more of an issue if you hear him disrespect you and your property. That’s really the key word… YOURS!
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If he cant respect you enough to stop them why would they respect you. You really should go and save yourself
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Stop complaining and do something about it. Let him have his kids and the responsibility and show them all you won’t take any abuse anymore because that’s exactly what it is. If your not willing to end the problem then stop complaining about it and ruin the rest of your life. Sorry but not sorry. You need to hear the blunt truth and take some responsibility for allowing the disrespect in your home. Its not just theirs. Since they can’t do any better then get your own and keep the trash where it belongs…OUTSIDE.
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Take photos as evidenced and show your husband,before and after you go to work.
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That’s absolutely horrible he needs to step up and help you make those kids clean up there messes and help prevent them from causing fires and destroying things and if he’s not willing to do that then you need to take your kids and leave because its not going to get any better
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Your husband disrespects you and they are doing the same, they probably figure if dad doesn’t then why should they. You guys need to be on the same page because he’s not at all. He needs rules that those kids need to follow, just because they are step kids doesn’t matter, that is your home and they need to respect that and the fact that they don’t falls on the dad. Doesn’t seem like he make them listen at all. I’ve been your exact shoes, my house has rules and the kids new it and my ex husband was more strict that I was but not being on the same page is a big problem
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If your husband isn’t helping its hurting. He should respect you enough to lay down expectations for his kids on how to treat you and other people’s property. Especially if he appreciates how hard you work for it.
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Your husband is worthless, stop being the doormat and put your foot down period. Take your keys with you always if I were you I would start taking your valuables to a storage keep them away and either tell him he has to change but he won’t cause its obvious he doesn’t respect you at all. It’s time for you to move out or kick him out. Sale split in half or what ever but get out of the marriage before it changes to him beating you cause that the next step.
Y’all have been together 9 yrs? Things won’t change at this point.
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There needs to be a Come to Jesus meeting with hubby and the kudos. I would have left by now
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They need to pick up after themselves & u need to stop
Your husband knows exactly what is happening. He doesn’t want to be the bad parent, in fact he doesn’t want to be a parent. I would not be there for this. Pick up your stuff and go stay with a friend while they are there. Let him know you better come home to a clean house. The kids sound like they are trying to get rid of you, and if your husband doesn’t man up to the brats he has no respect for you. He should be helping you with the housework anyway!
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Make a deal with your husband when his kids come to visit you go on vacation by yourself. Let him put up with the ungrateful brats.
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Your house you set the rules and follow through.
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Leave. Not worth time and trouble. They are not going to change and neither is your husband. They are not your kids why bother with disrespectfully brats.
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Sounds like you now know why he’s divorced. He wasn’t a parent or husband with his previous wife, and he’s not with you either. He’s not a parent. He’s a friend. I’d give him 2 choices and things would have to change immediately. 1- either he gets on t he same page with me and starts being a parent and making his children clean up after themselves and he starts showing me respect too as a husband, or 2- f**k it, get divorced and let him deal with his self created problems.
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None of them respect you… not even your husband 
God will tell you what to do… you need to pray about it. Things will either get better or worse… 
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If it’s been that long and all you do is complain then clean up and he does nothing then he is the problem
He needs to step in and speak to his kids
If he doesn’t honestly it’s time to cut your losses and leave this will never improve it’s only going to get worse
The kids know their dad won’t stop them that’s why they’re doing this and they won’t listen to you because you’re just the stepmother
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Husband wants to be fun dad and not be the bad guy. And sounds like he has no respect for your time or mental health. I went through this with my ex and let me tell you, it was a huge reason why we split.
Those demons were brought up as brats the problem is your husband… He needs to see all that you do and if he really loves you needs to put his foot down and discipline those brats. None of them including your husband and x wife respect you
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The kids will grow up and leave, If you want your marriage to last then put up with this. The real problem is your husband’s guilt because he isn’t with his kids full time.
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Leave. This will not get better. If it were me, I wouldn’t say a word about leaving either. But have a place to move to ahead of time and slowly remove your belongings. Your husband is abusive and encourages his kids to be as well. And I bet the ex has a hand in it as well. BTW, the son burning a porch down is a big red flag for everybody in the home. The kid has major behavioral and mental problems that should be addressed. This is a no win situation. You deserve WAY BETTER!!! The longer you stay, the worse it will get. It will also be much harder to leave.
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I’d leave. Husband doesn’t respect you and on that example? The two children will never… You sadly picking up someone else’s mess here hunny. I think you deserve better! .
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In all honesty id stop doing anything for the 3 of them till they can learn to respect you. Make sure that your things that are really important are locked away from them including the vehicles, I’d also tell my husband if he wants to see his kids he needs to do it else where from now on cos until they respect you and your things they ain’t welcome at your home. Clearly all of them think your beneath them and that’s not on at all.
Sadly I don’t see any of them changing any time soon seen as they have been allowed to get away with it for so long, you may end up having to chose between your own sanity or your marriage. Good luck and remember your worth more than what they are giving you x
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Nacho Kids: The Blended Family Lifesaver
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Why stay if the kids are going to continue to destroy your things and your husband won’t get the kids under control … I think you should pack up your things and leave before you lose everything
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Sounds like hubby neees to start cleaning up after his kids if he doesn’t make them clean it …… I’d lock that bike up so no one can ride it and keep the key on your car keys so you have them at all times.
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Leave. Its not going to end because your husband doesn’t do anything. And worse, he get mad you about it.
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You’ve had 9 years to set boundaries and rules…but it’s their fault now? Huh.
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Sounds like a bunch of hillbillies. Treat yourself to a hotel stay if you won’t give the guy the boot.
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I would leave and cut your losses, I would leave his brats to him. Then see how he copes with having to do it all with 2 brats to cope with full time.
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The husband is the problem. Get rid of him and the kids when you are able.
Take your valuables rent storage shed . Go on a vacation for a couple weeks . Go visit a sister . Go look for you a new home.
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If it’s been 9 years and they are acting like this the issue is how you treated them in the beginning and how you are still treating them. The whole post screams that you never liked them. So why would you marry their father? You know the kids come with the man.
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Don’t leave all your stuff for them to destroy kick them all out. Make him find a place to take them and see how he likes it. He doesn’t respect you or your things and they are following his example. It is only going to get worse!! He can take them to a motel and see how he likes being locked up in a little space with them and when he has to pay for the damages they do at a motel maybe he will straighten up. Good luck!!
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Put a camera in the house, show your husband what they are doing. He don’t take care of it, leave! He’s the problem a and disrespecting you!!
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ahh… ready made families are fun… 
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Get them out of ur house
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LEAVE HIM! Neither he or his children respect you. They never will.
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Put your foot done no matter what there very disrespectful
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Throw the whole man away. Those kids are old enough to not do that and are clearly capable of not behaving like slovenly toddlers at their mothers.
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Stop throwing the man away!!! But definitely make boundaries!!..make ultimatums with all of them!!
Unless your man is super toxic…don’t throw it away
…but your belongings…set rules and boundaries…if not followed…welp they are bored I guess cuz u leaving with keys…batteries to whatever… there’s more behind all this…maybe?
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You have to set boundaries with the kids, you have already allowed them to run you over. So it’s going to be a little bit challenging now but you’re going to have to set solid boundaries with them, including your husband! Remind him that you did not have these children! And that he still has a responsibility to them, to make them be respectful to you, his wife, and to both of your house. I’m sorry you are going through this, I have watched a friend of mine go through this and it can be very difficult. Sending you all my strength and love and prayers! Just remember you are a badass! And don’t forget to remind yourself in the mirror every day! Raising someone else’s kids is not easy, so I give you mad props!
The kids are most likely mirroring the way their father treats you, he obviously disrespects you and so the kids do too. Kick them all out or pack your shit and leave.
IT. WON’T. CHANGE!
From years of experience, nothing will ever change. You will always be the bad guy in this situation. Either leave or hold your breath for 7 more years.
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Get yourself a flat somewhere else and let the three! Monsters destroy the house. You will suffer an economic loss but it would be much better for your psyke and you will be able to keep a place where you can make a home for yourself!
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You said he has step kids. So if they aren’t really his kids just step kids I don’t see why y’all even have to be getting them at all.I would make the husband put a stop to it or have him go somewhere else when he has them.
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I couldn’t live this way. If you want to save your marriage and not just outright leave, Look up NACHO Kids: The Blended Family (Parenting), for boundaries, etc. Website and FB page. Hide or take keys to your vehicles. Let Husband deal with kiddos, not you - Nacho kids, Nacho problem (Hubbys kids, Hubbys problems).
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Toss the kids and husband out
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I would move. Far far far away so they rarely can come over lol. They sound like brats. You’re stronger then me. I’d be outta there. Leave him with his bratty kids. Love doesn’t conquer all. Certainly doesn’t conquer misery. He’s allowing them to disrespect you in your own home. That’s not love. If he can’t stand up to a couple of asshole kids for you, what the hell are you doing sticking around for him!?!?
It sounds like he’s just as disrespectful as they are to you. You don’t deserve that. I would move on. Not to mention it sounds like the kids are treating you this way to get rid of you… I’m sorry that sounds so harsh but WHAT THE FRICK. I’d be pissed if I was you. And the fact hubby doesn’t do, say or help… I’d leave that situation. Life is too short for that bs…
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Take away the stuff. Don’t let them play with anymore of the toys. Set rule for cleaning and caring for your home. Make sure hubby knows and if he doesn’t agree then ask him what he would like to see done make him enforce rules… If hubby doesn’t agree then let him know visits can take place elsewhere for your own sanity. The kids and hubby will treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you want change then be that change. Stick to your guns.
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Forums like this… is no wonder the divorce rate is so high! You don’t throw your marriage away over fixable solutions. You said step kids also- so they were in the picture when you got married? Set some boundaries. If they can’t be respectful, they don’t come over to the house. You meet somewhere else. Get some cameras, talk to the mother- there are so many options to this.
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Family meeting and be like look I love you guys but shit your destroying what you’ve and there stepdad have worked so hard to build and quite frankly it’s rude and disrespectful maybe start rewarding the good stuff they do and they might stop the other stuff but if they feel your constantly on the attack they are just going to take the piss out off you and no offence your husband needs to fix up and support you with them NOT destroying his home
Unless he becomes a man…you wont
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Hide the keys to the stuff. Duh. And a 16 and 11 year old can do their own laundry and feed themselves. Better have a geart to heart with the man and if it doesn’t change. Go
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Tell your husband to visit the kids if he can’t discipline them at yours.
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Kids don’t come over until they respect your home , of the husband wants to see them he can go there or meet somewhere else .
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My ex was like this. Was so hard on my kids but his kids could destroy all my stuff and not a word would get said by him 
I couldn’t take it in the end and I left. It was never going to get better sorry to say. Good luck with whatever you decide to do
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The d must be really good, WHy stay with a guy that can’t vouch for you… LEAVE WOMAN
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Send them home. And tell him to shape up or get out too. Life’s too short for such disrespect.
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U are certainly not his step kids slave, they r his step kids so he should clean up there stuff not you, if its been going on this long him an his kids arnt going to change and it isnt ok that they make u feel miserable about being in ur own home, you should find someone better, someone who stands up for you and doesnt make u stressed
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Throw them out along with there fucking muddy clothes
Your house your rules. If it’s there stuff put it on a black bag dirty clothes rubbish theyve left etc bag it up. Same goes for ur husband. When they start appreciating and respecting ur pay that back. They put cup in sink then wash it they out dirty washing in basketvur wash it so on. If they dont then let them walk round in dirty clothes etc. If the bags arent sorted after so long bin it. A family works together!!! U are a human and deserve some appreciation and respect. If this doesnt work walk the fek away!!!
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These kids have no boundaries at all i couldnt live that way either. I tried step mum and it wouldnt have wkd out it takes a very special person. Its not their fault they so confused about things. Prob not your fault either. If you dont like being around them kids will pick up on that tho, thats not good for them either. They will be even more confused. Is why i left the step situation kinda quickly 1 of them was just way too much i would have never had any peace/serenity and didnt want to confuse him any further as he’d been through alot already. Maybe its still fixable but the dad needs to set boundaries for these kids. Uggg mud/gross should stay outside/in garage its really not unreasonable. My kids were brought up with these boundaries they are very happy/sweet grown ups now. Setting boundaries/structure actually makes kids happier in/out of the house in my experience. Is so hard for step parents tho when the kids have not been taught this already then they think you are bad guy cause they just dont know any diff
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I feel for you I’ve been in a similar situation it’s not good at all we r no longer together and I’m so much happy for it, big hugs hunni xxx
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They act responsibly and he enforces it or he can take them to a hotel to stay. Stop it or leave, would never tolerate that.
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Sounds like your husband is just using you. I wouldn’t deal with it. If he can’t have your back and put his foot down for somewhere you are appreciated.
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Could the children be angry/affected about their step dad not being with their mom anymore? Has anyone tried counseling or talking to the children about their feelings? Their behavior is awful no doubt but I’m sure there’s a reason behind it and they are acting out. Also, teenagers are an explosion of emotions. Try setting some attainable goals and boundaries. When the boundaries are breached enforce a punishment. When goals are reached give them positive feedback. Children need to understand that every action causes a reaction, either good or bad. Give them chores and responsibilities. Let them know you love them, are there for them and the things they are doing cause you to feel a certain way. Do things together as a family.
Communication is key. With both the children and your husband. You and hubby need to have a united front. Possibly try counseling to learn healthier communication skills.
If you are getting upset, yelling, punishing the children and your husband lets everything slide, in the Childrens eyes you are the villain and they push your limits on purpose to get a reaction. Dad is the fun parent. This needs to change! I’m sorry you are going through this and you feel dumped on. Hopefully some changes can be made to make their visits enjoyable for everyone!
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He doesn’t want to be the bad guy. He already feels he has let them down by not being in their lives all the time. So he doesn’t want them to feel unhappy during the time he has them. That’s my guess based on similar situations other dads have told me about. So until dad steps up it won’t get any better unless the kids stop being assholes on their own. 
Yep just went through this … made me to be the bad guy cause I had rules. Broke up w him and had them moved out. I couldn’t handle it anymore
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Don’t let them have any of that stuff then. Maybe their mother is telling them to treat you like that? Maybe the kids don’t like you and they’re acting out. Maybe you should sit down with the kids and your husband and get to the bottom of it. Because I have 4 kids of my own and I sure as hell don’t let them treat me like that.
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Shit i only red the firat 1/4 of that post and id b kicking their fkn asses and giving them what for! Take charge!
He needs to start backing you up, or he can start visiting his kids at their mother’s. And lock your keys away to whatever he let’s the 11 year old ride. Don’t clean up after them, stop doing their washing, my daughter is 8 and does her own. You are not their slave, so stop being one…
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Husband is the problem. They get their cue from him. He is showing them how he treats you in turn that’s what they do. Total disrespect… I’m sorry you are dealing with this!
xoxo
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Firstly the husband is the biggest issue here. He’s an enabler and his obvious lack of respect for you is why the kids are behaving this way. Sounds like they are intentionally destroying your stuff.
For me this is grounds for divorce. Plain and simple, your husbands behaviour is wrong.
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Only suggestion I have is kick them all out and say goodbye. Even to the husband
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Get rid of the husband . They are learning the disrespect from him
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Your husband doesn’t respect you. You need to kick him out. Leave him. Find happiness within yourself!
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Honey when they come to stay go stay with a friend to give them Father time he us burying his head in the sand when they go back to their Mother video their destructive ways and send it to their Mother if she has a shred of decency she will correct them if not don’t let them stay over if they can’t respect your home I’d say the Dad is afraid to correct them because he might feel the guilt all parents feel towards their children when they split from their partner stay strong
If dad can’t/won’t correct them then get rid of all 3 of them. No bs or excuses.
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Wow id be calling the cops on them gor destruction of property hopefully that will set them straight…good luck mama
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It could be bc you guys only have them on school breaks and not consistently. It could also be bc you treat them like step kids and call them things like “the boy”. They probably don’t feel they need to respect you bc they don’t feel respected or feel that your home is also their home. You need to sit down with your husband and make up house rules together that the kids are all expected to follow.
Start putting locks on your side-by-side and don’t do nothing cleaning wise let him see how they r without u they don’t have nothing u deserve better
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You get a divorce and tell your husband to kick rocks and take his punk ass kids with him!
Sounds as if there dad spoils them,if dad does not support you get rid of him
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Where is their dad? If they’re your husbands step kids, he probably seems to think they aren’t his responsibility to discipline (which is insane if you’ve been with him 9 years and that means he’s been in their lives more than half their lives, they’re his. Maybe not blood, but he stepped up at some point… he should act like it). Kids get their cues from parents and he’s walking all over you so they do. You need to talk to him and if he’s not gonna put his big boy pants on and be the dad he should be, don’t let the door hit him on the ass on the way out (or do lol)
Honestly I would be done kick them all out they are all an issue including your husband they sound like all they do is use you. You deserve better
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Stop cleaning, cooking, etc. Go away for weekend and don’t clean it up when u return
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The hubby is teaching them how to treat you he is disrespectful and well so are they. Honestly there is nothing you can do about but to leave or just deal with it those are not your children and hubby doesnt have your back.
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Take a parenting class. I’m sure your county offers them
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You need to go on strike!!! Stop doing EVERYTHING!! If you’re type A personality it’s going to be hard to do it but it’s necessary to make your point. Secondly you need to get past the fact that your husband gets mad when you bring up these issues, that’s a manipulation tactic that’s obviously working. You need to stand firm on what you need from him and the kids. You have every right to feel the way you do, stop letting him guilt trip you into submission. The bottom line is your husband doesn’t care how you feel, and doesn’t respect you. That’s a HUGE problem!!! If you can’t find common ground here you’ve got a BIG problem and might need to reevaluate your situation. Good luck!
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Honestly I’d divorce someone who treated me like that or allowed their kids to! I’m a person who loves to be at peace. I’ll cut ANYONE off to maintain my peace! Step back and take a look at the whole picture. Is living this way worth it to you?
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Get rid of hubby and then no more issues!
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Stand ya ground trust me I kno where u coming from. Send me a pm if u wanna. Been there doing this now with an 15 yr old step daughter. Our house my rules u kno. Her dad really dnt say shit 2 me. She only goes 2 her moms when there is holiday’s and when school is out. Keep ya head up trust me I kno how u feel.
Kids are kids but they feed off their parents behavior your husband doesn’t respect you therefore the children don’t this is not going to change unfortunately u need to put u foot down and leave or give them all the boot
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None of them respect you. Why waste your time another minute. I would look into a divorce. Or give him an ultimatum. You should not have let them ride the bikes period. You want them to learn responsibility but they don’t show any responsibility. Or take any. If they are riding your bikes while you work that is disrespectful on your husbands part. Your husband doesn’t stick up for you or respect you either or he would talk to the kids to help you clean and not trash the house. I would get out of that situation. None of that is ok. You deserve respect and a drama free life. If your husband can’t respect your boundaries and get on his kids then he doesn’t deserve you and also it sounds like your husband takes advantage of you witch is not ok also and more disrespectful. He is not a partner. He sounds more like a roommate. I would definitely give him an ultimatum in getting his kids under control. They have no reason to treat you or your house that way. If none of them fix their behavior then leave your husband.
Let them kids do their own laundry. I started making my step daughter do hers I said f this shit im tired of your disrespectful ass.
Oh hell naw put them out and. Don’t come back
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