My wife cheated and is now pregnant: Advice?

My wife and I have been married for almost four years. We have a one-year-old son together. He is an exact replica of me. In April, my wife and I were going through some trust issues. I found out that she had been messaging a guy who wanted so badly to take my place, and she was falling for him hard. I decided we needed a break and took my son and me to my mom’s house, which lives about 3 hours away. I was gone for about three days. I started missing her and decided to go back home and forgive her. During that time, she swore she had blocked the guy. About a week after that, she admits to me that she slept with the guy unprotected, but he didn’t come in here. She said she did it to hurt me for leaving her. I have hurt alright, but for the sake of my marriage, I forgave her again. Her period was due in May, and she didn’t come. End of May, we decided to do a pregnancy test. She wasn’t on any birth control since January of this year. The test came back positive. It hurts to know that there is a possibility of the child not being mine. She and I do have unprotected sex because I try to trust her. I am praying that the child is mine, but a part of me feels it isn’t. I don’t want to leave her, but it hurts too much. I don’t know what to do. She said if I do a DNA test on the baby, she will leave me. I love her too much and don’t want my son to grow up in a separated household. I don’t know what to do.

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So many things wrong. 1st…she cheated and she is making you feel at fault? HER fault NOT yours. He didn’t “come in her?” She “didn’t come”? Where did you learn reproduction? None of that MATTERS! It depends on HER ovulation days. There is a 50/50 chance it is your child. I’d kick her ass out and file for immediate full custody of your child. And do NOT get on that birth certificate of current “love child” until a test is done. YOU will be financially responsible if you’re on the certificate. Get a lawyer, keep your house, your child, your MONEY AND heart. Dump the whore. Once a cheater always a cheater. Learn to forgive but if you let this slide, you are teaching her how to treat you.

This is a really tough situation. I am genuinely sorry for how you must feel. First and foremost, I think a decision needs to be made by you whether or not you can forgive her for what damage has been done regardless if the unborn child is yours or not.

With that said, you have the right to know if this child is yours or not regardless if you stay together. Her not seeming remorseful nor being understanding of your potential request for a DNA test are bad signs. I feel you’re love and vulnerability is being taken advantage of. It’s unfortunate and again I’m sorry for what you’re going through.

You have been stabbed from back ethically and emotionally. I’m sorry for your current and upcoming trauma. Unfortunately in my opinion there is no meaning taking the knife half out or fully out, emotionally you will be bleeding to dead in any cases, let it go and you will born again in time somehow and somewhat. Time will heal

If she’s already cheated on you, is pregnant, threatens you if you do a DNA test, she will leave you, with all that, she has gone too far. No matter how much it hurts, you should leave and not play into her controlling. She will NEVER be faithful and by staying, your child will feel the tension between you both and it WILL affect him whether you realize it or not.Your marriage will never be a happy one, you cannot fix this.She is using/manipulating you and she always will. If she truly loved you, she wouldn’t have been unfaithful to begin with. You and your child deserve better!! It may be better/healthier if you leave.

Call her bluff and do the DNA. How dare she threaten YOU, when SHE admittedly cheated? Children deserve to know their true parentage, for medical reasons, if nothing else. If she leaves, too bad, but a good guy like you deserves someone who can be loyal to you. When you say you love someone, the very LEAST you can do is be faithful to them. What a mess she has created and unfortunately, you and the children got swept up in her debacle. Best wishes that this all works out for your good and the good of the children. :heart:

Her threatening to leave if you do a DNA test should really tell you what you need to know about her. You deserve the truth. What you 2 decide to do with that is your business but if you are not the father then that child 100% deserves to know who is. Absolutely selfish for her to pull a garbage move like that.

Do what makes you happy and what is best for your son. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve somone who will love you the way you love them. Will it be better for you and him to live together and flourish or to stay in a situation that can become hostile and bitter? Children are sponges and even though he is young he can still feel the tention and feelings of those around him. Children are children and can adapt and morphe to their surroundings. It’s the adults that have a harder time adjusting.

So many things wrong. 1st…she cheated and she is making you feel at fault? HER fault NOT yours. He didn’t “come in her?” She “didn’t come”? Where did you learn reproduction? None of that MATTERS! It depends on HER ovulation days. There is a 50/50 chance it is your child. I’d kick her ass out and file for immediate full custody of your child. And do NOT get on that birth certificate of current “love child” until a test is done. YOU will be financially responsible if you’re on the certificate. Get a lawyer, keep your house, your child, your MONEY AND heart. Dump the whore. Once a cheater always a cheater. Learn to forgive but if you let this slide, you are teaching her how to treat you.

Do the DNA test child deserves it. Also it would like you child would be better in two home then in one where you guys are in a unhealthy relationship.

You have the right to know if that baby is yours. If she leaves you for demanding a DNA test, then she is bossy and too self absorbed. I’m sorry to say that about someone you love. If you really feel like you should get a DNA test, that is your right. Knowing there is literally a 50/50 chance, it’s the right call. This is literally going to be the longest and hardest part of your life. Trust is hard to gain back, been there done that. It can literally strip away who you are as a person. If you want your marriage to work, there can not be any secrets and any unknowns otherwise you’ll always have doubt and sadness.

I wish I could feel bad for him but he has allowed the disrespect. She cheated on you because you left after she emotionally cheated. She knows it’s a possibility the baby is not yours and is threatening to leave. And your excuses for staying are pathetic. Just say you are to weak to leave & let the lady cheat in peace. If I knew I could do what I want and make you in to the monster I would to! Sorry I don’t feel bad for you in fact this made me mad!

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My wife cheated and is now pregnant: Advice?

Leave her then, u have a right to know if that baby is yours an if shes refusing thats a red flag, im so sorry for you

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Get a DNA test and let’s not forget to get you an STD test while your at it! You should NOT be having unprotected sex with someone who will have unprotected sex with anyone🤷🏻‍♀️That’s just plain nasty and why he’s still there baffles any mind! Run…fast and far🎉

Do it after you get your son out and continue on with your life!

You can love a child like it’s yours. There are medical reasons for a DNA the history is important

Soooo…after all she has put you through and you still stay with her and she will leave you for you wanting to know if the baby is yours? She is way too toxic

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Do the damn DNA test! Trust is already broken and you won’t be able to truly forgive her, plus it will drive you nuts if you don’t know the truth. Your son doesn’t deserve to be in a situation like that either

Leave her. She is manipulating and controlling you. It’s pretty obvious. “I did it to hurt you” “if you get a test done i will leave you”. I would also take the time to check that your original child is actually yours. It’s also gross you have unprotected sex only to somehow prove you “trust her” …

:point_up_2: exactly what she said. She now has to earn your trust! If she doesn’t get that then maybe she doesn’t deserve another chance. You deserve to know if the baby is yours.

If shes refusing then she already has a feeling its not your child she’s carrying, I say leave her trust your gut and if she doesn’t want to do the DNA test then why trust her. I bet she would be throwing a fit if it was the other way around, don’t settle for something less

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message Zane! She always has some good advice

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Sounds like you need some therapy and so does she. No one should be ok with being cheated on.

No one has any right to tell you whether you should stay with her or with you shouldn’t because they are not the ones in your shoes. People are quick to judge and people are quick to tell you you should leave her and that she’s toxic or whatever the case may been. That’s your wife you know your wife and you’re the one that can be the only one that can make that decision. It’s a decision that only you have to live with no one else on here that tells you to leave or is ever going to have to live with that decision that you make. The decision will not only affect you but your son and your possibly unborn son. If you truly do love her and you want to truly do make this work whether or not that baby that she has is yours is a relevant because the baby does not need to have your blood to be your child. This is something that you really need to think of and you really need to think of the pros and cons of whatever decision that you would make. I understand you wanting to come on here and ask for advice but sadly everyone’s advice is always going to be leave him leave her. They’re not going through it you are hun. Whatever decision you make I pray that it’s the right decision for you and that you can live with it if not well you can always change your mind at the end and things can always be different it’s all up to you your life your rules. Good luck bud

DNA for a number of reasons. It could effect the child’s health in future due to family history of things. So yes do a DNA seems you already lost her.

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As hard as it is, leave. She already thinks it isnt urs. She already stepped out knowing u take her back…run.

Listen in a marriage you will have your ups & downs. Communication is key & if you feel you can trust her then work through it. But a relationship is a partnership. Both parties have to give it 100% for it to work. The fact that she is telling u if u do a DNA test she will leave you is a problem. The child should have the right to know as well who their dad is. Even if u decide to stay with her & raise as your own. Will you leave her if the child isn’t yours?
There is nothing wrong with raising a child in a separate home. Love isn’t everything in a relationship it takes a lot more than that.

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If shes refusing a DNA test then she probably already knows the baby isn’t yours. You can always buy a DNA test and have it done at the hospital without her knowing.my dad did this with my youngest brother

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Take a DNA test without her knowing you have a right.

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My concern is that she said she will leave you if you do a DNA test😔 That’s not fair to you at all. You have a right to know whether or not that child is yours. And if she loves you the same way that you love her then she will give you that right and allow a DNA test to be done. That’s concerning to me and says deep down she really knows the child may not be yours! Prayers to you and your family as you go through this situation❤️

Wow leave her. That’s disgusting behaviour gone way to far sounds like the chances of the baby been yours are slim anyway and even when separated you an request a DNA which I would.do if I were you but do not put up with it soon you will wonder why you did you need to move past this all but not in the relationship its never going to feel the same ever!

Sounds like your a good man with the wrong women. I’d get your son and distance yourself. Unless you’re completely willing to forgive her for everything. But you have a right to know if the child is yours or not. If she’s threatening to leave you then you should know that the baby most likely isn’t yours.

Sounds to me she knows she can behave exactly how she likes and you’ll stay because she knows you don’t want to have your son grow up in a separated family…
Trust me… him growing up in a separated family where he sees you both will be a million times better than witnessing whatever is going on and thinking to himself that that’s what adult relationships are… children learn about relationships from you as parents… and what they see and hear.

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You can’t ever trust her, she’s treated you badly for cheating. You are bound to want a dna… Her fault. Leave

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Get a DNA test if she leave she leaves she already left anyway…

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Since your undecided……no matter what anyone says here you’re gonna stay UNTIL you get tired of sharing your wife with other men. We can all tell you to leave or stay but ultimately this is your decision. Good luck

take the dna test then u will really know the truth,

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Dude are you blind and stupid. Leave her sorry ass. My god why do people let themselves to continue to get hurt and treated badly by people who are like this, total trash.

For the child you need to find out for health. Something my run in his family an you will never know. You need to leave her and take your son with you. A child should not grow up in a toxic environment. She is very toxic. Think of your son and the unborn baby

RUN!!! AND RUN FAST!!! SHE BEEN FUCKIN HIM… YOU SHOULD NOT BE HAVING Unprotected SEX WITH HER AFTER THAT. i hope you went and got tested. She don’t deserve you. She’s childish. You need to leave her ass right where she at

Leave her. Like everyone else is saying you deserve to know if that’s your baby. You don’t need to put up with nonsense like that. She has to live with what she has done. Always trust your gut feelings!

You have a right to know if your the father.

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You have a right to know if the child is yours or not. Regardless if you want to leave or stay. You have a right to know. If she wants it to work there is no way for you heal until you know, and then maybe some therapy for the both of you.

But if she is threatening to leave if you do a dna test that is a huge red flag and makes me think she already knows who the father is.

I would maybe leave and get some space for a few days with you son again, it’s probably hard to think when you’re living together.

there is some major issues there that need to worked on , if not it’s just going to be a unstable and unhealthy relationship, that’s not the kind of example you want to set for you son. Wish you the best of luck xxxx

Do a DNA test without her knowing she broke trust with you so you have all right to do this and know the truth. And honestly this marriage sounds really broken I would suggest therapy and if that doesn’t work separate. The children will only hurt in the end the longer it is prolonged if nothing is left on that marriage. You both definitely need outside help to fix this all.

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You have every right to demand a dna test at birth.
Do what’s right for you.

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She sounds shady as fuck. My advice is to cut your losses and heart ache and leave now. What will you do if you find out years down the line the baby was never yours?
Also, what kind of woman denies a father a DNA test? One that knows the baby isn’t yours sir.

Women living years go years come with cheating men. Men that even has kids outside their marriage and got to take it and live as if nothing has happened. If you love her and you see a future with her forgive and hang on. Is not end of the world. One main thing is, are you both getting along well? Is the relationship healthy around your son? Is there peace of mind 75% atleast not 50-50? Get a counselor. So long is what you both wanted it will work out but if is one sided move on. You will get over.

You deserve way more respect and love then she is giving you. I understand you don’t want your son to grow up with parents that are separated but sometimes it’s actually healthier then an environment that doesn’t involve love and respect. You have every right to take a DNA test and she doesn’t get the right to give you an ultimatum on that. Do the test so you know for your own sake. She is being extremely selfish. Does the other guy know she is pregnant?

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A broken home is still a broken home when two parents live with each other and are at each other’s throats all the time.

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She shouldn’t refuse a dna. You need to know

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I think the child and the adult deserve to know who the child belongs to yet if you chose to forgive her twice and stay with her then you take on responsibility for the child as well. You can’t say I forgive you if the child is mine but im leaving if it isn’t . Should have left in the first place

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Let her leave than. She’s just using that as a scare tactic because she knows that’s how she can control you. Get a DNA test. She created this mess and she should be the one to figure it out. I know marriages go through rough patches but I’ve always said that if you have cheating tendencies, you should probably leave the relationship.

Love is love. Follow your heart. :sparkling_heart:

Can’t make a housewife out of a hoe. I dedicate that song to her.
Can’t take a DNA test? What is she so afraid of? Not being yours? Bet she guilty.
Kids deserve to have both parents in their lives, but they don’t deserve to see suffering parents together. Ya two don’t need to be together.

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If shes saying she’ll leave if you request dna, you mine as well chuck this up as a loss bro. Thats crazy that she’s in the wrong completely and shes saying she’ll leave you for wanting answers. Makes me think theres more going on then what she’s telling you smh. Too many red flags dude. Just get on with your life and be a dad

Sounds to me like you’re to good of a person! Stop forgiving and start forgetting .

Do the test. If she didn’t want to be in this position she shouldn’t have slept with somebody else. It’s her own fault. You have every right to make sure that child is yours.

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Get a dna test from cvs and when she isnt around swab the baby and send it in

This is my own experience but my parents had trust issues and my mother always threatened to leave for any reason. In the heat of arguments my mom always said my brother and I weren’t my father’s children. He tried to keep our family together so we wouldn’t come from a broken home. This created the most terribly toxic environment. My brother and I grew up with issues and it messed us up. It was so toxic to hear everyday how much they hated each other and were only together for us. This caused my father to get terribly sick. We watched our father die from pure depression. He was diagnosed with cancer and figured denying treatment was his only way out. We live with the regret of not being able to convince him to leave earlier, maybe he would have accepted treatment and he’d still be here. Please leave before the toxicity takes over, not just for your child but for your own well-being.

Dump her she’s a pig

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Im sorry this is happening to you :pensive: Not only do you have a right to know the other guy and the child!!! NOTHING stays a secret forever! Plus if something were to happen to the child and they needed to know medical family history 🤷 then what?

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Wait, she’s putting ultimatums… I do believe it’s your right to know if the child is yours. Plus, like mentioned above, what if the child is to ever need a blood transfusion?

She made a mistake, she has to own up to it. You have nothing to prove to her. It should be the other way around.

Any woman that gives you that statement of “if you do a DNA test I’ll leave” crys guilty!
That right there is enough for you to leave. That is low and disrespectful. Sounds like she already checked out of the marriage and is trying to hang on to what she had cause things didn’t work out the other way.

This is a page about nails!!!

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Definitely do the DNA test. You have a right to know.

You have a right to know if you’re the genetic Dad of the child she is carrying. She threatens you with leaving if you do it because then it would be a true admission of guilt right in her face. She’s already gone if she continues to refuse. Find a way to get it done. Don’t sign as the father on the birth certificate…its an admission of responsibility and you will be liable in court without a DNA test.

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Better for your son to have separated parents that coparent than two resentful parents who are still together

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If she leaves you because you took a DNA, then she was going to leave you anyway! Don’t fight for her… fight for custody and find you a woman who is faithful to you!

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If I were you, I’d DNA both kids.

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Need know the truth. And take one day at time. If you do alot fighting not good for your son: if anything he come first his well being over all anything else sometime broken home is better. Think long hard what you need to do.

Separated households are tough but you can do it! I am I have both of my boys. You need to stick up for yourself! This could happen again in the future. And her behavior wanting to hurt you is a bad example for your son to learn from. Beware!! Get the DNA test. It doesn’t matter what she threatens to do. You need to know whether or not you’re raising another man’s child.

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trusting someone after they cheat on you is hard. coming here tells us you still doubt your position in your relationship. I do not want to be hurtful here but she gave you, your answer when she cheated and has now threatened to leave. You could very well be her safety blanket for when she feels she needs sex or finical care and that is all you could be to her. (or not) Her logic and reasoning is out the door too and you will soon find you two arguing more than ever. Its not about you two anymore at this point its about your son. if this is something you would not want your son going through (creating a family cycle of toxicity), than you should not put yourself through it and in turn giving your son an example of what it means to take up for himself. This will only get worse and if you dont cut it off now your son will learn this is what is consider normal.

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The fact that she has the audacity to threaten to leave if you get a DNA test says it all. You need to leave and get your test for your comfort

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Ooohhhh you need to go. I understand your viewpoint, but for her to refuse you the right to know if that baby is biologically yours? No sir. That baby has every right to know, and if he were to NOT know, it would be a decision you both make, if at all. You deserve better than that. IMO. DNA is so much more important then just determining relationships. Genetics, diseases, any special needs…all of that comes into play. Im so sorry.

First of all she will leave you if you do a paternity test on the baby? Why bc she knows deep down in her gut that that baby isn’t yours? You AND your son deserve to be treated so much better. She created this mess. That’s a whole lot of disrespect and disregard for you and your son.

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Your better off raising your kid on your own. Just go through the courts…messy but in the end its best for all parties. Less BULLSHIT also.

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She’s not sorry for anything she has done. She’s only sorry that she got caught! She sounds like a narcissist. She knew exactly what she was doing. You left her for 3 days,she probably had it planned and was happy you guys were gone. So she could be with this other man. Honestly she didn’t seem devastated or hurt that you left & took your son. I’m not one to judge anyone and we all make mistakes, but her telling you if you get a dna she’s leaving you is wrong. She makes it seem like all this is happening cause of you and it’s her fault. Narcissist people never change .

DNA and leave she is only hurting you and your kids she’ll do it again just wash your hands before the baby is born if it s yours she has no right to sleep with some one else

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Seperate house holds is better than one toxic/hostil/uneasy house hold

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LEAVE THAT DIRTY WHRE! PERIOD DONT TEACH YOUR SON TO JUST SETTLE AND DEAL WITH THE BLLSHt

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Kids dont need their parents together, they need their parents happy, i think is a lot worse to see your parents fighting than seeing your parents happy in their own way. Kids should never be a reason to not leave. Do what is best for your mental health because if the end of the day kids notice everything

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Easier said than done, but leave her. Trust has been broken and it’s enhanced to the max by her not wanting to do a DNA test. Also I don’t believe she didn’t take him to your home. Again, leave her.

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DNA she can’t sit there and give you an ultimatum if you choose to do it or not she’s lucky you are still there

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Okay … She is full of shit. She didn’t cheat on you because u left her. She cheated on you because she can and has no respect for you or your marriage. Thats a bullshit excuse and she is trying to play the victim and turn it around on you. Had she truly loved you… When you left she would’ve been trying to get you back. Sex with another would have been the furthest from her mind. Heartbreak would’ve set in. Not wanting a DNA test is because she is scared the baby isn’t yours.

I just divorced after 20 years while being pregnant. I was cheated on off and on for the whole 20 years… Why? Because I kept letting it happen and forgiving him. She is going to keep cheating… You let it happen… She knows now she can do whatever she wants and have no repercussions. I know it hurts… I know it feels like you don’t want to live without her… But the bullshit excuses and lies are there and you need to open your eyes. She doesn’t love you like you love her. Life is to short to be miserable.

Grow some balls and take some of the power back in your relationship…you’re letting her hold all the cards because of “love”…she clearly doesn’t love you, especially if she’s threatening to leave if you want a dna test to prove the baby is yours…which is your right by the way…this post makes me wanna punch that psycho in the face lol…I feel sorry for you dude…

Don’t walk when u leave…#RUN

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Do the DNA test. She is in no position to throw threats at you. You need to know 100% if it’s yours or not. If it’s not then it’s up to you to decide if you want to stay or go. You really don’t want to live the rest of your life wondering if the child is yours or not.
Personally. I wouldn’t forgive her.

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Why would you stay with someone who don’t appreciate you? Who cheats on you and doesn’t know if the baby came from you. Makes no sense. Eventually she will do it again and again until you’ve had enough and you will leave regardless.

Men keep secret for years just because they cannot show up with a big belly doesn’t mean they are saint. So much has outside kids. Their is this person I know big middle age man his own mother nor sister telling him what to do but the sister in law telling him don’t give woman u salary feeling bad when he near his ex n even his new partner the girl says when he drink he calling that name one time she says he go so far that wanted to make a will in the first born (niece name) she took him without anything and building life together both working equally. What you would advise on that. Then he cursing her saying he doesn’t trust no women. He had a few relationship while a bachelor with people wife then claiming women wicked. Isn’t he the same? Shouldn’t he have gotten his own wife and don’t involve? So many men I know of also have one or 2 kids outside and their wife have to accept and stay

Let the bitch leave and get the DNA test!!

Love is not enough to stay

The fact that she has caused that much hurt & ruined the trust in the relationship. If she really loved you she would offer a DNA test to reassure you & get rid of the insecurities so you can move forward. The fact that she is threatening you means she knows the baby is not yours & is just trying to trap you to be in the other child’s life. Something unfit women do when they know you’re a good man & father & they’ve made a mistake. You can either leave now & start your process of healing from the hurt. Or you can wait it out to most likely endure more pain in the future. She’s not going to change unfortunately saying & doing the things she’s doing before the baby even gets here. Sorry!

I suggest you talk about everything you are willing to do in this marriage and everything you are not willing to do.

Ignore conversation about babies born and unborn.

Bring in a mediator if you need one.

Trust once broken can be patched but never the same.

Children need and deserve people dedicated to their well being. That is a different conversation.

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Oh my god this is the worst page ever… what does this have to do with nails people​:joy::joy::joy::joy::joy:

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She is manipulating you big time. DO THE TEST! She gets to feel the full brunt of HER decisions… If you let her off the hook she will keep saying… " if you don’t do this or if you do that I will leave you"… Take a damn stand…

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If you have truly forgiven her for her infidelity fatherhood is not about DNA its about being there for the child you are raising however you should have a test done for genetic purposes for health purposes as the child is growing up but once again it takes a good man to step up and be a daddy good luck

If she has nothing to hide & has been honest to you why does doing a DNA test matter? For her to say that to you I feel she has slept with him on multiple occasions. If you can never trust her again you are better off parting ways. You deserve an honest relationship, take your boy with you.

I would do the DNA test. Speaking from experience it never ends well when the child gets older. It could come out in an argument then the child may hate both of you. My situation was different I was raped. My ex husband assumed the role as dad. We never did a DNA test. One day my ex husband decided to tell my son and now he’s upset and feels he has no family. He is 15 now and I still haven’t done a DNA test I just left it alone

Oh boy,she’s the last person to have the right to even say she would leave you if you want a DNA test! Wake up,she probably lied about the pulling out to,she knows there’s a big big big chance it’s not yours. You have the right to know. Maybe wait till the baby is born and do it by yourself,to perform a paternity test when the baby isent born theres a risk. But hey you gotta decide what to do in the end,if you don’t do a DNA you will always wonder and the relationship is doomed anyways.And she should smarten up,honestly I wonder if she’s even worth the fight ,besides if divorce it’s easy she committed adulty not you. And if it’s end up not to be your baby…. We’ll good luck :crossed_fingers:

ignore the name calling from these perfect ladies in this thread… A women/man who steps out of their relationship is missing something and is craving that attention from whoever will give it to them. if she is who you want to be with then try it out but do NOT do this for this child or he will grow up broken… you need to do what you feel is best. being unhappy in a trustless relationship is not the answer, you will only end up hating each other. you do need to get this DNA test done. because you may end up paying child support, or yet she fked up, you make her pay child support (if that is the route you choose)… either way, knowing your the biological father of this baby is very important. if she is threatening leaving you, then she also knows he/she not your child. Get answers from her, you deserve it. in this case, you need to do what’s best for you, because that’s what best for your child now and for his future…