QUESTION:
"My wife and I have been married for almost four years. We have a one-year-old son together. He is an exact replica of me. In April, my wife and I were going through some trust issues. I found out that she had been messaging a guy who wanted so badly to take my place, and she was falling for him hard. I decided we needed a break and took my son and me to my mom's house, which lives about 3 hours away. I was gone for about three days. I started missing her and decided to go back home and forgive her. During that time, she swore she had blocked the guy. About a week after that, she admits to me that she slept with the guy unprotected, but he didn't come in here. She said she did it to hurt me for leaving her. I have hurt alright, but for the sake of my marriage, I forgave her again. Her period was due in May, and she didn't come. End of May, we decided to do a pregnancy test. She wasn't on any birth control since January of this year. The test came back positive. It hurts to know that there is a possibility of the child not being mine. She and I do have unprotected sex because I try to trust her. I am praying that the child is mine, but a part of me feels it isn't. I don't want to leave her, but it hurts too much. I don't know what to do. She said if I do a DNA test on the baby, she will leave me. I love her too much and don't want my son to grow up in a separated household. I don't know what to do."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
"You have a choice, you can hurt and forgive or you can love and forgive - either way you have to forgive.
And in doing so your love will grow a stronger bond so when the baby is born, there is no question that you will love your family. Think with your common sense and not your emotions, forgiveness will bring you peace."
"Get the DNA! If she's threatening to leave over that you don't need to be with her anyways. You and the unborn child have a right to know the truth. This sounds like a very scandalous woman that you'd be better off without either way."
"She shouldn't be giving you ultimatums. If she wants to be forgiven she needs to earn your trust. If you choose to move forward and forgive her then you truly have to forgive and move forward. No ultimatums, just transparency and honesty. I would definitely recommend couples counseling."
"She's making excuses to keep the truth from being exposed. And that's toxic because if you're not the father he has a right to know he has a child. And the child has a right to know the biological father. She is just playing games. My opinion."
"Get the DNA test so you will have peace of mine. If you don't you will always wonder if you are the father."
"Please do the DNA. the child also has a right to know his father, whether it's you or the other guy. Your wife is wrong to keep the truth from you or the other potential father and most of all, the unborn child. Your marriage issues are going to resolve, either way, ending together or apart. The children are half-siblings or whole siblings, regardless. This issue is about the children and their truth. Best of luck to you. Get counseling to help you make the correct decisions."
"When you file for a divorce. The DNA test is forced to prove who the parents are. That’s for child support. If the child is yours then it’s her turn to forgive. If not then that other man will always be a part of your life and your sons. Regardless the children are siblings."
"Get a DNA test she should want to know as well.. She needs to take responsibility for this mess she created. Cheating is bad enough now you'll have a lifetime reminder of your infidelity…"
"It seems to me that she already has one foot out the door by threatening to leave if you require a paternity test. This is holding you emotionally hostage. You have a right to know whether that child is yours or someone else’s. You seem to have done a lot of forgiving, but how are your needs for a faithful, loving partner being met? I would try marriage counseling with a trained therapist or pastor to save your marriage. But if she refuses to go or participate, you have your answer. No one wants to end a marriage especially with kids involved, but you deserve a partner you can trust."
"If you are going to leave, leave now. But if you are going to keep forgiving her then you don't continue to throw it in her face daily that she cheated. It will lead to her leaving you and then a divorce. Promise! However, it sounds like she's not even interested in staying married to you. You keep forgiving her for everything and she knows this so she's gonna continue to do whatever she wants."
"You can do a test if your on the birth certificate without the moms permission as long as your the one on the birth certificate there's no way she can stop u from knowing if it's yours or not and honest lying she's willing to leave u over a DNA test but your willing to stay with her threw sneaking around and cheating !!! This women isn't worth it ik u love her but sometimes love isn't worth it and honestly you don't want your kids growing up in a home based on lies and trust issues your kid will think that's how relationships are supposed to work."
"Let her leave you, you would be getting done due to known infidelity not because of assumptions. She needs to take accountability for her actions. Its already a relationship on rocky foundation so don't ruin yourself over it."
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