My wife has stage 4 colon cancer: What should I do?

Do what u need to do. As long as she knows she is lived by you and yr two kids thats enough

Talk your wife about her wishes. Or so as you wish. Especially if your paying. We cremated my dad. I carry him every where now.

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Prayers for you and your family

Do what you need to do for you and your girls. I’m sure your wife wouldn’t want you to be drowning in debt over a funeral service. She would want you to be able to provide for the family. I’m sure your girls would love to have their mom close by on the mantle. I have my dads ashes next to his picture and I still talk to him. It’s a different kind of peace knowing he’s just right there. Bless you and your girls. Prayers to your wife :heart:

What is your wife wishes

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Do what you think she would like.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, stay strong! Hugs :heart:

I had my husband cremated he is in a beautiful wooden box on shelf .I talk to him everyday.He is close to me…

Definitely do what’s best for you and your kids.

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Get the cremation, you can get an urn (it seems morbid) on Amazon for so much cheaper than what a funeral home will offer. I cremated my mom last year and the whole expense was less than $1500. Don’t ask the brothers for help if they’re choosing to be so uninvolved.

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Cremation, do what you can afford

Praying for you and your family. Do what is best for you and your family. :pray::pray:

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Prayers for you and your babies

Put your family first. Cremation is best

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I think you should follow whatever her wishes are ultimately.

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It sounds like a very beautiful thought out plan

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Go ahead with what you want to do. Screww the brothers

What does your wife want? Whatever it is do THAT. I’m so very sorry your wife is sick. :heart:

First of all thoughts and prayers for you and your family​:pray::heart::heart::heart::heart::pray:First ask her what she wants as far as cremation goes.
I have 4 brothers snd 3 kids. My brothers and I all split up after our dad died. One brother hates us all. 2 brothers have issues with him. I only talk with 2maybe 3x a year but not because I don’t want to. I’d love to see them all. They don’t see or talk to my mom very often either.
My kids are to busy for me.
My husband( we’ve not together for 17 years) has STRICT orders that I will NOT have a funeral. They find out I’m gone, go to morgue see me if they need to and cremate me. Put me in a cardboard box and do what they want with me. My best friend and mom say they want me. Best friend promises to take me (if mom has passed) and spread my ashes near a calm stream or river. I have no income, no nothing , living in the basement of our house and my kids don’t ask how im doing , if i need anything , am I alive or anything. I’ve got Parkinson’s , never worked , cant get SSI or ss and cant afford an attorney to get divorced so I can get ssi… they help with nothing. They say I don’t need for anything because I have a roof over my head, food(from friend and pantry) babysit my grandson for 25 a night 3 days a week (inconsistant)so I’m ok.

You know what? Don’t have a funeral for me. Why cry about someone being gone if you can’t worry about them when they are alive???

If your wife wants to be cremated, get an urn like you want and / or get the girls a necklace made with her ashes in it, spread her ashes or do whatever she asks you to do… do not worry about anyone but her and those kids!
:pray::heart::pray:

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Have a Celebration of Life instead of a funeral. Have a large poster with pics of her thru out her life and pics of her family and her children and you.

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You sound like an amazing husband and father.
I’m truly sorry for what you’re going through.
You and your girls are in my prayers.

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Can someone set up a #GoFundMe? This person deserves it and needs it. You shouldn’t have to pay for dying and having to be taken care of.

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Go with you’re plan of creamete but for know just giver her lots of love

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Do what YOU need to do for yourself and your children to find peace and closure. Never mind anyone else. Sending your wife, you & your kids many hugs.

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Do what is going to be best for you and your children. I love the idea you have.

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Praying for you and family.Do what’s best for you and kids.

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What are her wishes? Has she said. Personally I think I wanna be creamated.

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set up go fund me account it helps cremation or not

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Do what is best for you and don’t ask anybody except your wife. People will probably complain no matter what you do because they feel guilty, so just do it. And I am so sorry.

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Do something that she would like. It doesn’t matter the cost. I’ve been in your shoes. I lost my uncle in 18 to stage 4 cancer. Take the girls on a short vacation away from everything. Go enjoy peace and quite. You and your girls are in my prayers

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Sorry to hear what u are going through but do what u think is best sending hugs to u and your girls x​:sparkling_heart::two_hearts:

Do a go fund me ? It is your wife so do what you believe is best or what she would like

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You are in charge. God will be with you & your girl’s. We lift you up in prayer :pray:.

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Do what you feel is best. My mother recently passed and we had a large funeral. I wish we had done it your way as grieving in a time like that was awful with so many people around. Im grateful for everyone who came and it was nice to see that my mother was so loved, but it was tough. Small and simple may be easier for you and your girls. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your wife and daughters. Losing her will be hard but I pray it strengthens the relationship you have with your daughters even more :heart:

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If the family cant come together to help pay for a very pricey funeral and burial, then cremation is MUCH cheaper and can allow you to keep her close. Is she conscious at all? If so, make up a ‘‘code name’’ and dont tell anyone else. That way if the afterlife exists (not sure of your beliefs) then you’ll know its her.

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Express this to them. Sometimes people don’t realise what is needed or expected of them. They may think differently of the situation. Put the ball in their court.

I f you go to shepherd of the hill And talk with the pastor he will give you some good tips God loves you and we to

Talk to her and make a decision together :heart::heart:

I am sorry for your situation, sadly, we must play out the hand we are dealt, and this was not a good one. If you want help, you should ask for it. Ideally, they should offer, but some people don’t want to intrude so they figure they will wait to help until asked. However, just be aware that it is your wife, and those are your daughter’s, and they are under no real obligation to help you financially or otherwise, though it would be the decent thing to do. If they refuse, just handle it the best that you can.

My heart goes out to you and your family :heart:

During this time use what you can to build memories for your ladies. Do you own your own land? The idea of a “tree pod” making a natural memorial. Those who leave are never truly gone. I hope you find peace. Do not stress over others selfishness, strange ways of grief. A final resting place will never compare to the life lived and love shared.

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I would do whatever my wife’s wishes were.

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Do handprints with paint with your kids. Frame it. Do three one for each girl and one for you :heart:

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Do something lovingly and respectfully but any mother would want her children to have what they needed . See if the local VFW or Grange can help do a nice celebration of life so the kids can show thier love and receive love from others. Know thier mom was loved can really help .

You could make a go fund me to help with payments

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Funerals are for the living, not the dead. I would rather my family not spend the money on it. That’s just me. Honestly, just love on her and spend time now. Don’t think about it and stress yourself. Be present with her, worry about the details later.

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Cremation with a picture would be fine, instead of a funeral throw a celebration of her life everyone brings food that she liked and play music she liked and movies and such that she liked display books she liked etc
You don’t have to have a formal funeral
You can remember her in happiness

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Honestly. The more opinions asked from family, the tougher it might be. People want things done differently. I would just tell them that you’re going to cremate her and describe the box and everything. Ask them if they would like to contribute? Sounds like you have been doing well with taking care of everything. It also wouldn’t hurt to just ask them if they could take the kids out to a movie or sleep over or something. The worst they are going to say is no and I think that’s unlikely. Don’t be afraid to ask for help!

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Im so sorry for you and your girls. If your wife has given any input on what she would like then i would go with that if not then ultimately its up to you.
Personally if it were me i would go with the cremation and make either a shelve or a cabinet like a curio cabinet all in memory of her, for example her ashes maybe a few pictures of her, you and her, her and the kids, all 4 of you and maybe some objects that are either special to just her or all of you.
Best of luck and prayers to you all! :sparkling_heart::pray:

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All of you spend time with her ,pray for her and yourselves

I would recommend getting her cremated and then getting your girls a necklace of her ashes so that she is with them at all times. When my dad passed I got his ashes and gave my siblings and those close to him ashes in a necklace of their choice.

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So when my mom passed, we did a celebration of life vs a funeral. Plus she was cremated. We ended up just doing jewelry filled with her ashes and a small urn. It’s what she wanted for the most part. She never wanted any ceremony. But do what’s right for you. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Celebrate her life within your means​:heart: …watching someone you love succumb to such a devastating disease is overwhelming…your concern should only be about your precious wife right now…people react differently to a loved ones impending death…this may be the case with her brothers…I know this doesn’t offer any comfort just keep in mind grieving is subjective & different for all….my sincere condolences at this very difficult time :pray:t4:

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Sorry to read this😢 has your wife not said what SHE would like as I would have thought it’s her choice

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Do what you can afford, your wife will understand and she may be thankful to always be with you and y’all’s daughters after she passes. I would rather be cremated than leave my husband with so much debt. I’m sorry her siblings aren’t there for her or y’all, life is unfair but we gotta make the best of what we have. Best of luck to you.

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Have u set up a gofind page it could really help you at this, difficult time

Because they are still so young you can always order them lockets off of Amazon that are urns and have a piece of her placed in them to give to them when they are older also if you would like to you can also go to the mortuary now to make final Arrangements it might make it a little bit smoother for you when it comes time for her to transition don’t Focus so much on her siblings not doing anything just focus more on this time with you her and your girls and spending as much time together as possible because this is your time and there’s to spend together before she transitions

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If you have a back yard…home…hold a celebration of life at your place…just a get together on a certain day… doesn’t have to be fancy…some sandwiches, fruit plate, veggies…some dessert…coffee, tea, or cold drinks… wouldn’t cost more than $200…
Just a nice afternoon to remember and say goodbye

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Or if you don’t have a home a park

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She’s still alive!!! Focus on spending quality time with her not what to do when she dies.

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ask her to write letters to children :slight_smile:

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She is living now,still. Enjoy your last time with her now. Thats more important. Let her see her girls,instead of sending them out to play. They could have time to say goodbye. Worry about the funeral when she passes. Planning her funeral isn’t giving her the dignity now. Cherish your time now and the arrangements will follow. Have a little compassion and give her comfort. Stop dwelling on the funeral. It will be hard enough for you and your girls. Celebrate her life while she is still here.

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Do what you want. She will be in God’s hands after death. She will be fine so it does not matter for her. Do whats best for you and your girls

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Are you and your kids in a cancer/terminal illness/grief support group? Her oncologist or a hospital or Hospice might be able to refer you. Hospice should be helping you at this time too. Contact them; most are wonderful.

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send me your address, i’ll send you some money for a funeral service :black_heart::black_heart::black_heart:

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My wife has stage 4 colon cancer: What should I do? - Mamas Uncut

So sorry for you and your girls. Follow your heart, you do what you think Best.

Do whatever makes you and your kids happy at the end of the day that’s all it really matters :heart:

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You could get the girls a keep sake necklace for her ashes

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If she’s able, sit with your wife and ask if there are any arrangements she’d like. If anything includes her brothers, ask if them to discuss it. I’m sorry for what you and your family are going through and I wish you all peace.

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What does she want? At the end of the day that’s all that matters.

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Does your wife have a preference? I wouldn’t beat around the bush… I would just tell them that you could really use their help anywhere they’re able… from helping with your childen to sitting with their sister, or helping with the funeral if they’re able… Hell they could hold a spaghetti and meatball benifit dinner. Make a go fund me… there is nothing easy about your situation… If there was ever a time for family to step up… this is that time.

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Help her and make her comfortable

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Just lost my mom 4 months ago to lung cancer and my grandmother acouple weeks ago to colon cancer. Praying for you. Its not easy… Shame on those brothers though. She knows whos there for her. Just keep her comfortable and stay as strong as you can. Hang in there

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Get your wife as involved as much as she can. Everything sucks about your situation. Nobody is processing things right, I’m sure her brothers want to help, they just don’t know how. Kinda need to be asked.

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God bless you and your family! :pray::heavy_heart_exclamation: if you have to start a go fund me page im Sure ppl will help!

If able to ask her what she wants or what she would like you to do. Basically what are her wishes. If not understand cremation is cheaper. Also your 12 yr old and 9 yr old can help you. You be amazed how good kids are with these things plus it helps them also cause you Included them in some of the decisions and they will always cherish that.

I only gave my advice and help cause we just lost our sister to cancer in January and her grandkids wouldn’t leave her side. (8 &10) are their ages. It has helped in their healing cause they were included in decisions and she was cremated and I plan on getting each one of them something for Christmas with either her ashes or name on it so they always have it. I am sorry your going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.

Also her brothers may not know how to talk to you or approach you without saying the wrong thing so maybe aske them if they could take the girls out to the park or for ice cream. They may think you want them with you all the time right now.

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Do what would make her/you happy. The girls might like jewelry with her ashes as well, so mom is always close.

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Id cremate her and put some of her ashes into jewelry for your girls- theres TONS of breastmilk jewelry pages that make jewelry with ashes instead of breast milk! I wouldnt waste your time on those that havent been active. If they make an issue tell them that they werent there plain and simple and you have no need from them any longer🙅

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What does your wife want? That also needs to thought about.

Also talk to her brothers. Is she close with them normally? Don’t forget that they are also loosing their sister. If the family is close talk to them. ASK if they could take the girls for a little bit

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Have her write down all the things she’d want to tell the girls when they are older. Write a letter for their wedding days graduations births of babies etc, something that they might not even know about but would be a wonderful surprise to “include” mom in their day. I lost my mom at 24 and very suddenly and would have KILLED to have a “new” moments on those occasions! It’s sad but it will help one day!

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If she can record her telling things she would want to tell her girls. There is nothing wrong with cremation and a celebration of life. Love her and celebrate her.

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Cremate her. Then when the funds are available either by you or your girls they can have the ashes turned into a diamond they can wear. Don’t get mad over other people’s choices. You’re just punishing yourself for other people’s actions.

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If you wanted, I could make you keepsake jewelery from ashes with epoxy resin for the three of you free of charge!!! I would be happy to!! Just message me if you’d like :white_heart:

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I lost my son 1/26/21. I wish I had known his wishes. If she is able …get any videos you can. I would give anything to have my son’s voice recorded :heart:

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If she is able ask her, in sure she has some thoughts on it and have a meeting with her brother and lay it all out and tell them she needs your help to make things happen nicely for her. God bless you and your children, may God surround you with an overabundance of love during this most horrible time.

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Maybe they want to help, just not sure how to go about it, or what to do.???

My prayers for you and your girls… Do by all means what you see best, your her husband and there with her, dont stress so much over those who dont help take as much time to be with her and your girls, i wish you all the best!

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Praying for your family

My Mom had Stage 4 Cancer and we didn’t find out until it was Stage 4. They gave her 8 months and it was 3 months. The funeral was $15K and I have 2 sisters who did not help pay, even though we all inherited money. They were so selfish. Ask your family for help with the kids. Maybe they are not sure what to do. Sending prayers.

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Include the girls in the decision and discuss cremation options like scattering ashes or choosing an urn or something else to hold it in

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Discuss with your wife, see what she thinks about her funeral? Any service? Maybe just have a celebration of life down the road. Include your daughters in making those plans.
Do you have your family to ask for help?

Maybe your wife’s siblings just don’t know how to handle seeing their sister sick and the truth about her actually passing from that horrible cancer.

Honestly do what will makes your wife, you and girls remember her in the best way possible.

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My mother died of cancer leaving 10 of kids without a mother. While she was coming to the end our priest Father Maroney a young gentleman stayed with our family he stay at my grandmother’s and grandfather’s he never done a funeral service before. He was a comfort to us all. My mother was layed to rest in a beautiful coffin she was put in the family plot she was only 38. I wish they let all us kids say goodbye and the days leading to her last day we could of look at photo albums with her and just reminist fun times. They have places that will help out with the burying of your loved one. I am so sorry you are going this the family should help out put people are funny kind when sickness comes abound. I would honor her wishing no matter what.

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Don’t worry about brothers… concentrate on your wife and what you are there for. Invite a pastor to visit. Pray with all your heart! Love her to the end. Ask what she needs.

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Respect her wishes and when it comes to family they won’t help our and it’s sad. My brother has had two strokes and this last one has him down bad and my other brother won’t help me take him to Dr’s appointments but I have to take off work and miss money when he can afford to his wife is a Dr for God sake. Make sure u record some stuff for the girls from there mom. God bless u and maybe u should start a go fund me account and ask people to donate to help u with expenses

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Make as much videos as you can that the children can look back on. Treat her like a queen. The great thing that your children can think back on when they grow up is that their mom’s final days were great because she was treated like a queen. And that’s the kind of treatment they want to find when they grow up and find a relationship of their own. Cremation is cheaper and you will need all the money you can to raise your children

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I lost my fiancé this time last year aged 39.
We were only allowed to have 10 people at the funeral.
It was a small half an hour ceremony his coffin - though it sounds horrible was actually a cardboard box, However we decorated and put pictures and stickers on it.
He was cremated and is now in an Urn at our house with us where he should be.
His family also offered no financial assistance and have had next to no contact with our daughter since the funeral.
Sending love and strength to you :heart:

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One thing to think about with this situation is with a burial plot everyone then has a place to go to, to sit and spend time with her! Your kids can “visit” their mother! You can visit your wife!
There’s a LOT to be said for this ,trust me.
I’m so sorry your all going through this, please make the most of the time you have left together for she isn’t gone yet :broken_heart:

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prayers for your family

Prayers! My aunt just passed from colon cancer! She had to stop chemo because it was making her too sick… Not even a week later she passes! July 20th, 2021!

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You do what is best for you and your wife, it’s good that you are sticking by her side through thick and thin, explain to your children about exactly what is going on, they are big enough to understand, I’m so sorry to hear what is happening to your wide and family.

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