Shold I let my daughter see her mawmaw before she passes?

I have a 9 year old daughter who has a mental disability and she is more like 4 to 5 years old. My daughter is very close to my mom and dad and my mother got very sick very fast spent 2 weeks in hospital and is now in a nursing/rehab place and my daughter is having a hard time with her mamaw not being able to get up when we go visit she isn’t able to get up and walk or even hardly able to sit up by her self. And I’m in between not wanting to take my daughter back to see her mamaw and taking her back. I’m scared my daughter might get upset at me if my mother passed away and she didn’t get to see her but she gets so upset when we do go visit. So question what would yall do if this was your child and your mom? Thanks


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Shold I let my daughter see her mawmaw before she passes?

Have you tried speaking with her & ask her what she would like to do?

I’d talk with your daughter to see what she wants to do.


Take her to see her mamaw


Take her and answer questions honestly. Never hide the realities of life only support her


I’m sure your mother would also like to see her grand daughter.


I don’t have any advice but I’m sending you so much love xx

Explain it all to her in a way she can understand and say do you still want to visit her


I took my kids to see my dad, who they loved, in the hospital because I knew it was the last time they’d see him. They are both delayed. Ultimately, my youngest would not go into the room to see his grandpa. He was too scared. That was ok. I tried and gave him the opportunity and he made the choice that was right for him. Maybe take another adult with you if you’re not sure it will go well who can help you or your daughter.


Yes. I. Wasn’t. Able. to. See. My. God. Maw. I. Felt. Bad. Cause. We. We’re. Close ,. Shell. Appreciate. It

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I think whatever decision you make will be the right one.

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Only you can answer that. But my mom was 9 and wasn’t allowed to see her Gramma who she loved dearly and she still has issues over it at 63 yrs old. You know your child and do what you think is best. Sry to hear about your mom. :pray:

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Take her… it will help her understand… yes it’s hard on you mom… but living with regrets is even harder. Sending hugs.

It’s really hard, and everyone is different. I was in a similar situation with my son and my dad, i ultimately decided that’s not how i wanted my son to see and remember his grandpa for the last time so i kept him from all that. He has a pic of him with grandpa by his bed. And we talk about all the good memories and look at pictures on occasion.

Take her…just take her…my grandma died 10 days ago…if i or my kids could have seen her more we would have

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Please let them see each other, if possible. Your daughter needs to see her grandmother and to have these precious memorie; not all memories need to be perfect or happy; loss and death are part of life; don’t take away from them the possibility of a last few moments of shared love. Don’t rush to do what death will do , to set them apart.

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Yes please let her see her.

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Take her to see her … talk to her about what she might see next I’m talking about the funeral if you are going to have one I don’t know what yinz believe in . Have her hold het hand and take a pic

I’d take her so she could see her one last time. You’d regret it in the long run if you don’t.

My 7 year old daughter begged me to go see her grandpa before he passed a month ago. She had seen him a few days before while he was on hospice and still awake but at the end she begged me. I took her and he took his last breaths minutes after we walked in. She actually did amazing with her emotions. She held grandpas hand after he passed, hugged and held grandma all while crying herself (in a very mature way). She thanked me the next day for allowing her to go. On our way there I explained in depth what to expect because he was not conscious and was not breathing normal. I felt like she went in as prepared as she could be and handled it well. I have made sure that she knows it’s ok to cry and we talk about her feelings when she does. I think it’s important for your daughter to go see her just in case something happens. Just try to walk her through what to expect while she visits and stay really positive while she is visiting her❤️


Yes. My brother’s and I were at my daddy’s bed when he passed. I was 11, my brothers were 3 and 5. It gives closure.

I would take her. She might not understand but in good faith to say you tried to create that last memory I would do so.

Take her, spend every moment with your mom that you can.

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Take her and take lots of pictures. One day it’ll be the only memories you all have


I’ll let her see her an deal with the income after…

Was she as prepared the last visit? Take her but try to prepare her as best you could. “She’s sick so she can’t get up” try to break it down on her level the best you can and then tell her what she can do. Is she allowed to give hugs? Ect. I’m sorry this is so hard. Myself, I always regretted when I missed a loved one passing. Missed my grandmother by 5 minutes 10 yrs ago and it still hurts


Yes she needs to see her :pray::pray::pray::pray::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Please take her. For her, yourself and your mom.


Absolutely take her… they have a bond like no other, let them both enjoy the little time they have left together.

Yes. They understand more than you realize. I have a 28 year old daughter like this. And she would understand.

Let your daughter see her. She getting upset is natural. However, I think you are using her as an excuse so you dont get upset. You dont want your daughter shutting you out if you dont take her.

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I agree with everyone that says if she wants to go to take her. My grandmother had dementia and the whole family decided to stop seeing her because they wanted to “remember her the way she was”. This is her memaw’s reality and it’s a teaching moment for your child about empathy and compassion. I took my grandchildren to see my grandma because she loved her “babies” and I will never regret that.


I believe death is a part of life and we shouldn’t be taught to fear. I let my daughter see my meemaw before she passed. But like others said, only you can truely answer this question. Deep down you know. Once you know the answer, don’t sway back and forth and let your thoughts of making the wrong decision torment you. You are dealing with a hard situation and deserve to give yourself compassion for doing your best.

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We didn’t let my nephew or younger ones see my grandpa the day of his death.
But we did let them spend a day with him 3 weeks before he passed away.
We told them he’d be different in ways we can’t explain but still the same person
We let them make the choice in the end it helped my nephew.
I strongly think taking another family member with y’all would be ideal for her so they can help talk too her as well if you can’t find the right wording or have a nurse explain it to her my brother in law did with his brother who’s down syndrome
At the hospital it really helped him get that understanding for his mental capacity being that of a 3 yr old back then.
( Lamus terms they will put in for her just ask)

I say always always always let them make their peace. You may have to help pull them through the pain, but you’re gonna have to that anyway. Let them make their peace with each other :heart:

Take your child to see her.

I would take her but try to explain everything to her before hand.

:pray::pray: she needs to see her and she needs to see her great-gramaw :pray:

I think u should let her see her.

Prepare her for the visit & take her :heart: She needs it as much as her grandmother needs it.

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Take her. Please do not deny either of them the last visit.

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I would definitely take her. :heart:

I’d let them see each other. If not for your daughter, for your mother. It is amazing what grandchildren can do for grandparents and how they can lift their spirits. Who knows? It could possibly help aid in recovery or keep her around longer.

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I have a 10 yr old with ID, she is cognitively 3 or 4. If it were my mom, whom she is very close to, I would absolutely take her to visit as much as possible. Sometimes they understand more than we realize, I am guilty of underestimating my daughter at times. Especially if she has receptive language delays she needs to see what is happening to be able to understand.


Take her to see her.You said she is more like 4/5 years old but that age is old enough to understand Mamaw can’t get up because she isn’t well.Maybe she had a hard time last time because she didn’t know what to expect but this visit you can remind her what Mamaws limits are now so she’s prepared.These are important times and they should be allowed to make memories and connections.


That’s a really tough one. I would let your daughter see her 100%. That way her mawmaw has the joy of seeing her grand baby and your daughter is still seeing her. It may not be the way she wants to see her but it’s memories made nonetheless.

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I’ve went through this with my mother before she passed away. I took my children to see her, it was upsetting for all parties but my daughter was happy she got to see her one last time. She said if I didn’t she would have been mad at me for the rest of her life. I’m glad I did. She has memories to cherish with her granny :slightly_smiling_face:

I was the kid long ago whose grandma was their best friend/heart passed away. I was 5 and my mother didn’t think it was best for me to go to the funeral or anything. Sadly, after all these years looking back, that is where my abandonment and other mental health issues began. I can’t say for sure if I would have gone it would be different, but I am terrible with death and depression. This was 32 years ago. Please take her​:orange_heart::pray:

I Get Paid over $ 140 per hour working from home. I never thought l’d be able to do it but my mate makes over $ 20927 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is limitless.

M0re Info…

My heart says take her… but logic has me playing devils advocate here…
Is your childs mental state going to remain 5? What’s the liklihood of her maintaining memory? I only ask because she is going to be traumatized by this and may not have or develop the capacity to process and heal from it as easily witnessing death vs “grandmas not here”

You know your child best. I’m so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. :broken_heart:

I would let them spend as much time together as possible

I have a child developmentally behind as well. My mom loves her with all her heart and they’re very close. I myself would feel regret if I didn’t let them see each other for the last time even if my daughter was having a day of her own. I know my mom would still want to hear her voice and feel her presence. That’s just how we are though

Yes. Kids understand more then we think they do

I’d take my daughter. She’s also 9 with some disabilities. She’s also very close to her nana and if anything ever happened I would take her so she could have that memory with her.

Yes. Same thing happened with my granny. They wouldnt let me see her sick and she died in hospice care.

Prayers of strength.

I would take her :heart: prayers

My daughter was 8 years old when her great grandma passed. Her great grandma passed with her holding her hand. It was very hard for her but we got threw it. But they have a bond like no other. She still talks to my grandma (my daughter is 16) they had a thing with saying I love you more. I can hear her say some nights I love you more good night!! That makes my heart happy that my grandma is watching over her and the love is still strong. She also found my father dead at 14 years old. That was very very rough for us. She is still in counseling and still not over it. We talk about both deaths alot. She was close with both if them. Just keeping talking and spreading the love they will get threw this. :heart::heart:

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Try hard to explain to her!!

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I let my children see my mom before she passed away. At the time they were 5, 4 and almost 5 months. Obviously my youngest doesn’t remember it. However my oldest is grateful she got to say goodbye

Take her, I regret not taking my girls to see their papa when he was on his bed. They seen him before he was immobilized but still weak and able to visit. My youngest at the time was 2 and non verbal yet. After his passing she remembered him and started talking. She would notice his pictures on my wall and say papa. They had a bond. And she always asked about him and remembers him. :pleading_face::heart:

She needs to see her. My youngest was 5 when my kids’ last grandparent passed away. He was a day from going to a nursing home when he suddenly passed. I regret not taking my daughter to see him before that. The last time she saw him was her 5th birthday, 6 months before, and she (even now at 9) hangs onto the picture she has of him and her. That last memory, no matter how painful, is important.

Give it to them both

Coming from someone who had the same issue January of 2021 I’d definitely take her to see her mamaw. I didn’t take my daughter to see her grandpa and I regret it wholeheartedly, she might be upset while she’s there but at least she is still getting to spend time with her

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I would surely take her to visit.

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My brother didn’t let his 5 year old son see his uncle. And months later my nephew is still distraught of not being there. This is what life is about. There are ups and downs. Explain what is happening, they are learning as well. They need to say good-bye. Its too hard when you can’t.

I’d take her to see her…no question.

Please take her. If you know her time is coming then please allow your daughter to say goodbye. She may only be 4-5 mentally but she seems to understand something isn’t right.

When my mother suddenly died, we were torn with the idea of my grandson going to the visitation/funeral.
We decided to defer to the opinion of the experts (funeral home and hospice support).
In their experience a child benefits from saying goodbye (before or after death). It gives them closure that they will need in the future for the inevitable ‘where is ____’ questions.
I’m sorry for what your family is going through.

I’d take her, but would explain that Mawmaw is sick and can’t get up and play.

I Get Paid over $ 140 per hour working from home. I never thought l’d be able to do it but my mate makes over $ 20894 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is limitless.

M0re Info…

TAKE HER, don’t regret it later on when she passes…its a privilege for our kids to meet and know our grandparents!!! Let her see her mawmaw​:heart::pray:t2:

Take her. She needs to see her before she passes. Also try to explain ti her

Take her anyway. Even if she doesn’t understand what’s going on, she’ll have that last memory of her grandma

4/5 yo can understand love and death. Explain to her in simple terms and then please let your daughter spend as much time with her as she is allowed /wishes.

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My son has autism week before his nana past he had pictures taken. But she was sat up the last week she deteriorated very quickly I kept my 10 year old away I knew he’d be scared and frightened. I’m glad we got the pictures in quick xx maybe sit and talk to your daughter let it be her decision

Give them both the opportunity to spend their last moments together. If you don’t it will haunt you and your daughter in the future…


I’d take her and explain she’s sick. I remember not being able to say good bye to my grand parents and that really affected me.

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Talk to her and ask her what she wants to do.

I’m sure you’re upset as well if you’re really honest with yourself. Upset about your mom being sick. Upset that she can’t do xyz.
You’re just better at controlling yourself because you’re an adult.
No child is going to be good at controlling Thier emotions under those circumstances. Even as a teen it was a struggle for me.
If she would rather see and spend time with her…even if it upsets her… then do that.
If she would rather not see her…arrange phone calls.

Please take her to go see her


Take her. My dad passed away at home the day after my birthday and I took my kids my 10 year old is neurodivergent he has autism my 8 year old my 4 year old and my 3 year old the was they was 8 5 2 1 even if they couldn’t understand they at least got to say goodbye


Absolutely… My client that lived with me was special needs. I took her to see her sister the day she died. Shw cried and was upset but I explained to her this isn’t the last time she’ll see her. She had some behavior issues for a couple of days which is normal. I think it’s important that they each get to say goodbye to each other

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Take her. The pain of not saying goodbye to someone is hard to live with. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


Yes. She may not understand totally, but let her say goodbye to her


My daughter is 5 and can understand the concept of death

Honestly if it is easier for her not to see her then don’t let her. Don’t let you daughter last memories for your mother be that she was too weak to do anything. And for anyone who wants to attack me for that I just lost my father. My children were not allowed to see him because I wanted them to remember him as he was not laying in a hospital wasting away because he would not eat or drink. Having him not be able to talk to them because he was too weak. And yes my children and my father were extremely close. But I explained to my children why I did not want them to see him. And they were ok with that. My children will all be at the funeral and before anyone asks I have 4 kids who are 16, 15, 10, and 7. You all this is a very personal choice and she has to do what she thinks is best for her child and that may not look the same to everyone else and that is ok. This is a hard situation and there is no right or wrong here.

Four and five year olds may not completely understand death but they kind of do. Better for her to learn about it in a close way than to resent a mama that doesn’t take her over to see her anymore with the lack of understanding that you literally can’t.

I’d take her for three reasons. One is for her. Kids understand more than we think. It will give her more understanding when she does pass, and the opportunity to make one last memory. The second is for your mom. It will mean the world your mom even if she can’t express it.The third is for you.After a loved one passes we feel so much regret and think of all the things we could have done better while they were here. Don’t add this guilt to yourself either.


Give her the option!!! My sons father passed away suddenly 2 days ago and I would give anything in this entire world for him to get to say goodbye

Please do take her so she does have that memory my 13 old son is very mad at me because I didn’t let him how know how sick my stepdad was he talk to him on the weekend and by the next week he died so please take her to see her she might understand more than you know


Take her, please. It is upsetting to say goodbye and yet so important. And give your daughter hugs from me please. :heart::broken_heart::heart: It’s so tough to lose your grandma.

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I would take her and explain she’s sick. I took my kids to see there grandpa on his death bed. He passed away from cancer. It’s always hard but u just gotta left them do it. If not they may resent you later for not letting them say goodbye.

The only way they can understand the concept of death is by observing it in stages. I think my grown family, almost all who are in health care, developed a healthy attitude towards death, by being exposed to this at an early age.


When my daughter was 5 her grandma got cancer
They were not as close and seen each other a few times a year.
I had to make a choice to let her see her and probably basically watch her die. Her hair fell out and she got very weak before she passed.
I chose to let me daughter get close with her. She was sad when she passed and she went to the funeral but she was OK she still speaks of her and tells me she misses her.
I would make the same choice again.
It was a sad time but it was also part of life.
I understand every situation is different especially with special needs I do not understand what that is like but for us letting her be there was the best option.

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As a CNA position, please please, let her say her good byes, both for the grandmother and your daughter. Please talk to the staff, tell them what day and what time you’re going to come. Even if she doesn’t get out of bed they can get her dressed and kind of sitting up and your daughter can crawl on the bed with her. My grandma got sick and my parents wouldn’t let me go see her and say good bye and it has left a lasting mark on me, while I understand it was out of love I never got closure, which I believe is something everyone deserves. The decision is ultimately up to you as you know your daughter best.

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From experience. My boy was 3 when my nan passed. Now they’ were 2 peas in a pod. Like you. She was in a nursing home before she passed. Now I juggled the idea. And ultimately I let him go see her. And part of me really regrets it. Because he now associates hospital like places with death. And is terrified of them. But at the same time. Seeing him with her one last time made my heart smile during the hardest time of my life. So honestly. It’s such a hard call to make. But my heart is with you :heart:

Take her! Take activities they can do together. Coloring pages, books, movies. Things that your mom doesn’t have to be very active and can just be, maybe even snuggles during.

Ask a child psychologist.

Take her to see her!