Should I be concerned with what my son was looking up on his phone?

I would say talk to him to open communication betweenboth of you…to be honest I think you shouldve talked to hime since he began middle school? :woman_shrugging: You dont want him to be getting false information from other places.

Yes!!! He is hitting puberty and his hormones are crazy! Let alone this is the time they explore there body!!! And porn is VERY EASY to come by nowadays!!! Check that phone but keep it respectful! And don’t freak out with what you may find!

The exact same happened with my now 14 year old son, he was 13 at the time. I talked with him about curiosity and how its normal, (we had the sex talk a few years prior) and also talked with him about viruses on the phone, and how most of the things on videos dont happen in real life, wether it be a cartoon vid or normal.
With all the access the kids have these days, if you just tell them no, they will find another way, i like to provide explinations as well.

To be honest I feel the talk should already have been had by now my daughter is 12 and I’ve already had it with her she is in 2nd year at high school and has told me she get made fun of and called a nerd because she wont kiss anyone never mind sleep around like some of the girls in her year do. She will come and talk openly about everything. My son is 10 he will be 11 in september and I have started talking about things with him too. I have raised.my kids to know if they want to know or talk about anything at all especially things they hear outside to come to me and I will explain properly and kids half the time learn from older kids and they just hear random words not truly understanding their meaning. My kids feel comfortable to talk about anything at all with me the know they will never get into trouble for asking questions ever and I dont get embarrassed I explain and talk the best I can with them it’s a part of parenting. If i see something is bothering them i sit with them remind them there is no wrong questions or feelings and they will never get in any kind of trouble for asking. I want them to talk about the good things the hard things even the bad things I want to understand them as best as I can and I want them to feel safe always. I think you have left it a bit late and your son may know a hell of a lot more than you think but you need to make sure he knows the correct information have a look online and you will get ideas on how best to talk with an older child. If you are uncomfortable with it maybe dad can do or an uncle even good luck xxx

Let’s be honest. It’s normal at that age to wonder. Teach him right. A lot of parents don’t care enough to do so. Make sure he know that porn is unrealistic but don’t shame him for looking/watching it. Sounds bad but he will just keep looking. Also teach him how to treat a girl before he gets a girlfriend. Take him on some mother son dates. And if dad is in the picture tell him that you both will answer anything he asks. Don’t shelter. He will just look it up on the internet. Don’t take the phone. And never I repeat never shame him. Be honest. If you are going through his phone he should know. That will make trust issues later for him. Posting a a girl who never got the talk about anything and was just always left a guys house because my parents where to busy to care about me in high school.

Normal and with today’s technology not sure you can keep it from him. I wouldn’t bring it up but have talks, as many as you can without making it too awkward :laughing:

Just ask him about it. Ask him what his thoughts are on things like sex and porn. Create a safe environment for him to come and openly talk to you and ask about things.

Do not punish him , just have the talk , be lighthearted , be open , you want him to talk with you whenever anything comes up .

Yes you should have a conversation with him. Start off by telling him what he is doing is normal but you also need to make clear that having that stuff on his phone is not appropriate. But the biggest thing you need to teach him is that people should not be sexualized and that he needs to respect a women’s or a mans body and they need to be treated with respect and told they are beautiful rather than hot

I do random checks on my 13yo phone . And in a group chat with his friends I seen a picture (I tend not to read his friends messages , but it was open when I picked up his phone) We had an uncomfortable conversation about reality versus porn , and consent . It important to have these talks

I would have the talk with him and get him some condoms. Don’t bring up that you know he’s looking at porn. I think it’s normal for a teenager to look at porn as long as it’s not anything harmful. He’s probably curious. If you mention the porn it will only embarrass him and probably keep him from coming to you for future situations.

I would say interest in sex and girls is normal but watching porn is not. It can become an addiction as an adult and its not something you really need to subject yourself to. Do you have a girlfriend? Are you thinking about trying the things you saw? There are ways you need to protect yourself if you are. Here is the list of stds… Here is a picture of those. Here is a Video of a 13 year old dad. This can also happen. Here is a an example of a couple who waited. There are other things you can start with first.
Truly
I have no clue. My sons aren’t this age yet. But this was what came to mind

Just have a talk about safety. Make sure he knows to wash his hands. I wouldn’t tell him you found porn on his phone because he’ll be embarrassed and probably angry and feel violated

Have the talk with him it’s natural for him to be doing that especially at that age

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Why are you going through his phone?? I have never gone through my daughters phone. It’s her phone. Her privacy.

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Do not punish him, he’s not doing anything wrong! But you do need to sit down with him and have the talk!

Have the talk with him but do not tell him you saw that on his phone. It’s a absolutely normal for boys. I raised two boys, now they are 27 and 24.

I wouldn’t take his phone. But I would have “the talk” with him. And also help him to understand that girls/women are not like that in real life.

Your kid is becoming experimental and curious. A lot of kids search up crazy stuff when curious. I know if my parents ever tried coming up to me as a young teen and discussing this with me, I’d become more secretive with what I do/search and id lose a lot of trust in my parents. It’s a personal thing.

I didn’t even know there was such thing until my son had it on his computer (about 15 years old at the time):persevere: they know more about stuff from their friends talking than we give them credit for

My honest opinion is that this can be a very slippery slope. Subjecting a child to pornagraphic images can land you in hot water. He can also get in trouble for trying to look up girls his own age group. Sounds like a serious talk should happen.

Why not look into getting an app on his phone that helps you control what he can and cant look at. We have one on our phone where we can choose what websites, searches, if it has internet connection or not etc.

I had a conversation with my almost 14 year old about exposure to porn and how it is linked to ED. Told him to look it up if he didn’t believe me.

Normal curiosity,but a good time for being lead in the right way,just talk to him in private,don’t embarrass him,that’s the last thing boys want there mother to find out,be loving and nice let him known if he ever needs advice or to just talk to you about girls,your always there available no matter how good or bad it might be and you will never judge him,he needs to know the truth and your his mother you will never lead him wrong.good luck mom you got this.

I am in this same boat, I just talked to him about it. Tried not to embarrass him too much, said that curiosity is so normal, but that websites are dangerous, with click bait ads and viruses, and that the inter web tracks and knows what we look at, those links aren’t erased even if we think we’ve deleted the history. That creepy lurkers watch for vulnerable youth and make dangerous contact. It’s so scary trying to raise kids these days. They aren’t just finding dad n moms playboy magazine or stumbling across “toys”, it’s digital, in your face and way too available.

I would sit down and talk to him not a lecture simply explain that you understand about how he might be interested and curious and it normal however to be search on the internet and what not that there are some weird people that hack phones computers and other things and that this is not a good idea to be doing on the phone stuff you put out there in the internet never truly goes away.

We had the talk. We basically told him please don’t go to those sites because they are full of viruses and will mess up your phone. Then we talked about "these are normal feelings and if you have questions please come ask. The second time we found it we did take the phone because he now knows those sites will ruin the phone

Very difficult one x
, did he show any interest in girls before, my friends 13 year old said that he likes a women’s legs quite a lot so he’s obviously seeing girls as attractive and I think she did speak to him, I think as embarrising as it might be you may have to talk about it x although myself and my other half never had the talk so I thjnk it depends what your son is like

I’m pretty sure this is normal. I’d go at it funny like myself. Like yeah, I know this is awkward as hell but let’s chat for just a sec. Explain as much as you can while being not too serious, but get your point across. I’ve found with stuff like this (the less scary you make it, informative but not pushy and panicky) sets well with them more. They actually will engage and ask questions because they don’t feel threatened by wrong doing.

Leaving alone, if you know what you don’t trust him you will hide things in his phone or he will find other ways of watching things he wants to watch and hide it from you that’s not a good way to go

My son is 13 and has done the same thing. I let my husband handle it because I didn’t want to have him feel awkward.

Harmless , time to start giving him more privacy, when i found out my son was watching porn i told him its normal, but i dont want him thinking its ok to degrade women ever, also he needs to delete his history on his phone, his lil brothers are to young to see any of that…good luck seems like you already know what your going to do about it…

Ok as a mom of 2 grown boys this is perfectly normal. Back in the day it was Playboy… Things have changed, upgraded if you will. Just remember he will be embarrassed and not want to discuss this, so I wouldn’t bring this up. I would however have “the talk” with him. And just make sure he knows the lines of communication are open. And by some condoms unless you are ready to be a grandparent…

My son is 30 now and we went through the same things. Now that mine is grown, I have learned that if you make a huge deal over it, it just becomes more intriguing to them. Making a huge deal just makes them more curious about why it’s such a “huge” deal.
“Information gathering” at that age is perfectly normal.
My only other advice would be to always knock before entering rooms. What might be happening behind that closed door is also normal but knocking will help you avoid an uncomfortable surprise.

Yup just a talk. There are serious dangers with porn and boys that should be discussed. It can effect brain development, as well as give them unrealistic expectations of sex. I would discuss this, but not shame him.

I personally wouldn’t let him know you went through his phone. If he is a well behaved teen. And hasn’t given you a reason to distrust him. He will be so embarrassed I’m sure if you tell him what you saw. And he may never come to you with info or talks in the future. I would however have the sex talk. Ensure safety and instill some mortality around the issue. But no shaming. He’s that age.

My sister in laws brother was also watching cartoon porn. She had the talk with him about getting to know himself. That he should be watching regular porn instead of cartoon porn. So that they don’t thinknits always going to be like the cartoons. She also explained that even regular porn isn’t how sex will always be. She didn’t tell him to not do it just that to go via realistic forms of it than fictional.

You talk to him calmly and frankly. Like its normal…cause it is…let him know to be safe, and responsible i would also let him know not to look at ANYTHING that looks like young girls so he doesn’t get in trouble. Let him know he can talk to you, ask you questions. If you don’t embarras him and make it seem very normal he will be more open to talking with you, no need to be embarrassed :heart:

I know of a you f man that had to register as a sex offender because he has pictures of under age girls on his phone… talk to him TODAY

He probably knows more at 15 then most parents know. I think he is good to go. Might want to have a talk about dating, respecting himself, about inappropriate touching on his body (from someone else), and about respecting a partner. Being polite, and knowing what is acceptable on how to treat a partner. Teaching him about abusive (mental and physical) relationships would be a nice touch also.

It’s quiet normal. I have 2 boys myself. But you should have the talk with him. Be honest with him. Let him ask you anything. I would rather my boys ask me and get a straight answer than someone who.doesnt know.

Don’t punish him for his body, have the talk with him and tell him that it’s ok to watch these things. But that he is too young to accually have sex with another person.

I’d just let it go. You don’t want him to feel like he can’t trust you. If it were something more serious then I’d say something but cartoon porn probably isn’t that bad. But your his mama. You know what’s best for him! :heart::heart::heart:

We know our 13 year old daughter looks at it! We dont say anything directly but we are open with everything and make jokes and such. So if she says “ew! Gross!” To us kissing or hugging we just say “it’s not like you havent seen it before” lol or my husband will smack my butt and make notions and she says gross, we say “but you dont mind when others do it” lol we’ve already had the talk with her too.

Definently have the talk and let him know he can be open with you about everything then let it go…

If the father is around, have him talk to him. It’s perfectly normal for young teens to look at things like this, don’t make him feel awkward about it

I would talk to him about it. Definitely let him know that the stuff he is looking at is not what its like in real life.

Help him be responsible but don’t make him feel badly about his sexuality. He’s growing up. Make coming to you a comfortable space.

Time to talk to him about what is allowed on his phone and what is not… absolutely talk to him about sex, protection, and diseases, and be informative, and let him know he has no reason to be embarrassed or if he has questions he can talk to you or his male roll model. I think keeping it an open honest revolving conversation is a good place to start.

If you aren’t already talking about the changes they’re going through, now is a good time to start.

As a mom of 4 boys…my youngest is 15. You should definitely talk to him or have a male relative you trust talk to him. He will not want to open up to you bit he needs a conversation

Just be like “hey, I wanna talk to you. What’s with this about?” If he gets sketched out: “I’m curious about it and I just want you to be honest with me. I want you to know you can just come to me about anything.” Then just be patient.

I have a 15yr old daughter and she has a boyfriend. And I just let them both know I am here if and when they have questions. Niether are ready for the actual act. But both curious. My daughter and I talk about everything. And she talks to her BF. Hes very mature about girly things so she is comfortable talking to him about sex stuff. I wouldn’t take his phone or make a big deal out of it. Just make sure he knows your available for any questions he might have. And that the way he is feeling is natural and normal. Not to be embarrassed

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I would not mention it unless you plan on taking the internet away on his phone or something, but he would resent you I would say. Have a male talk to him about porn and its additive nature, how it can create unrealistic expectations, and not to assume the stuff you see on there to be how his future partner would want to be treated. I personally believe porn usage at a young age can create a life long addiction and obsession with it, just like alcohol usage, tobacco etc at young ages. It can be extremely damaging to his future relationships if he doesnt have someone he looks up to warn him of the potential issues with it. Just look up ill effects of porn usage, and that might help you decide as well things you might want to suggest are brought up in “the talk”.

Back in the day you wouldn’t know these things because it was just nude magazines. I say it’s time for the sex talk and education on safety. No punishment but tell him he can’t be looking up stuff on his phone, one wrong video or website and he could get in trouble.

My 12 yo went through that and we just talked to him. All though its natural i just told him he was to young to be looking at that stuff…lol. And he did Mommmm

Mine are teenagers and have both told me they do it. They understand it’s entertainment and not real. The only thing I told town was to not hold any girl they are with to the standard of the actresses. Bc real life is much better.

I was in to sex by 9 so he’s gone a ways past most kids. I’d just have “the talk” and make sure he knows to respect women first.

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I would have the talk with him. We just went through this with our 15 year old. We made sure he knew not to be looking up porn of people his own age also

Sorry my phone messed up everything I said, I said leave it alone if he knows you don’t trust himhe’ll be sneaky and hide stuff from you and you won’t be able to check on him

This is normal. I think you shouldn’t address this it could cause him not to trust you. Let him come to you about this. He need sex education from a professional and a male. Get him books. Go to him when you snooping and find something serious. This is not worth it. He may fix it so you can’t see what he is doing.

I would take that as an opportunity to explain how common and natural it is to feel those ways and the best measures to protect himself against STDs.

Megan Elise CampbellThank God Jordan (14) is fortnite obsessed​:rofl::rofl: even though I know its coming, we’ve had that talk and he knows about respect! I have told him there is more to a woman than T N A.

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My question is why you have an almost 15 year old son and haven’t had the talk

He just need the talk. If you have a husband it better he does it but if not you have it by all means. I was a single mom had the talk with all three of my children 2 girls and a boy. They all seemed relieved when we did. I made sure they knew if they had any question I was there no matter how uncomfortable the questions was. There friends was not a good resource for information most of the time they dont know no more than you do. Explained to them about STDs they more to be aware of than HIV and Aids. Some std wasnt deadly but not curable. Explained the pro and cons of birth control and protective options. I let my girls know it wasnt just the guys responsibility to be responsible but both there. Heat of the moment can allow people make quick choices and it happens to everyone.
Get some information from the health dept how to talk to your child if need to. Yes school has sex ed but do you relly want relia on someone else to give the tools of knowledge on protecting there self. Remind him your always open if he has any question and need to tell you anything your there and be prepared. If what they say is not what you want to hear take a breath be calm and give them the best answer you can. Above all be honest. Always remember they scared coming to you begin with.

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Definitely start talking to him about sex and what not or get his dad to on a fairly regular basis. He should be comfortable to come to you guys with questions and that will only happen if the subject isn’t extremely awkward… which comes with regular talks. It shouldn’t be should a taboo subject and sex ed is much more than just telling them to be abstinent (what I was taught) … it’s a normal part of everyone’s life. Just don’t make it a big deal, regular talks, no worries. :heart::heart::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Talk to him about sex. Not what you found on his phone. Talk to him about searching the internet safely. He’s having wet dreams by now. He’s doing what they all do. Lol

When I was his age anything I had to tell my mom that might have been uncomfortable was done in a short trip to either the store or the bank. Once we got out of the car that topic ended and we moved on. When I had more questions or confessions it was done in the car. Lol I started to do that because I thought she would be more focused on the road than what I was saying and it felt safer. Be open and honest. Set up a safe talk zone and let him know that you won’t be mad or loose your cool. It really helped me and even as an adult my mom and I still have those hard one on one conversations in the car on our shopping trips.

So normal kids are having sex by that age or close to that so I would say have the dang talk before it’s too late.

What I would do is talk to him about what he knows. Let him ask questions, and show him some informative sites about statutory laws in your area, birth control, STDs, and puberty. That way if he’s not comfortable asking you he knows where to find reliable information. Offer to buy him condoms, or put some in an easily accessible place in the house (if you’re okay with that!) and make sure he knows protection is his responsibility. You might suggest he stick to sites like cartoon porn or literotica because there’s verified sex-trafficking in actual video porn sites. https://humanevents.com/2020/03/01/pornhub-verified-child-sex-trafficking/
And make sure he knows porn is not what sex actually looks like.

I’ve been having the talk with my kids since age 6…each to their own but I started early they are now 12girl and 9boy!!

Thats normal. Especially todays kids with manga and anime. Time to have the awkward talk.

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When I found my son’s porn magazine, I bought him condoms & said, let’s have a talk. I didn’t make a big deal about the magazine, just started talking. As long as your not to nervous, it should be ok. Just don’t scream at him.

I’m sure by now u already had “the talk”??? If not do that immediately. If so, just reiterate things. I believe it’s a normal thing at this age but I would also explain like what’s appropriate n the responsibility that also comes with that. U do not start discussions on this with other kids because u don’t know what their parents are teaching. If the other kid initiates it then they obviously are already looking so then a convo is ok. It’s something to be done in private, never around other people especially be aware of little ones in the house, they can be nosey. I also explained that some people do end up with porn/sex addiction so that they know to be aware if it becomes excessive n when to ask for/seek help if ever needed. It’s natural, nothing to be ashamed of, people do it, teens do it but it comes with big responsibility n sometimes consequences n explain those, std’s, pregnancy, cancers, hiv/aids so protection is required! And always have ur own protection n use only ur own, kids/girls can be petty… If you don’t feel comfortable with asking for condoms or buying them then ur probably not mature enough to be having sex. N my favorite I added in, I’m surprised these young boys aren’t embarrassed for girls to see that yet, u guys still have a lot of growing n developing over the next few years​:woman_shrugging:t2::joy:

Honestly the talk should have happened long before he’s 14. I had the talk with mine when he was like 10… boys with access to the internet, will always find boobs. Even cartoon ones.

Definitely have the talk. The stuff our oldest son was looking at was way more than I ever thought I’d ever see. It’s was hard core. We had to explain to him that real world women do not do stuff like what he saw. I am not a prude and that was way crazy.

Why would you take away his phone over something that is real life. Talk to him about it if you really care give him knowledge of what you know so that when the time comes he can make things right.

No punishment at all just ask him why he was looking at that n ask him if he has any question about sex my son is 10 years old n he has his own phone n I loom through it too but since he was little I have made sure he can ask me anything he has ask me questions about sex n I answer him very natural

Sit down and talk to him. Go in with an open heart and give him the confidence to let him ask u questions if he has any. The more u listen, the more he will open up

Punishment for being a normal, curious human child? No. Have the talk, most importantly that no porn depicts healthy relationships or sex. But that you understand.

Thats going to be quite awkward for him if you tell him that you saw it…Maybe just be like, “does your school have sex ed?” or like, “do your friends ever talk about guys and girls?” something like that other than telling him what you saw and then go from there with the talk?

Give him his privacy. Unless he is acting out strange behavior let him be

I have started talking to my daughter about how her body will change and about boys at 10. I want this to be an ongoing dialog. By 14 almost 15 , he probably knows more than you think. I would talk to him and make it an ongoing thing. If it is an isolated thing and you feel awkward he will probably take what you say with a grain of salt

If he’s 15 and you’ve not had the talk, you may already be a granny! Jump on it NOW. Don’t shame the kid but def don’t ignore.

They are boys and will reach out to see the things they dont need but do talk to him and let him understand if he does not protect his mind from things like this very easy for the devil to pervert him to likeing this behavior and that is the greatest concern because it starts with small things then like anything you feed it has a bigger appetite this is where rape and other things get in so be bigger than that dont let this rule you but always fight to have control over your body and self.

I would talk with him about what he was looking up dont get mad just sit him down and talk to him about it cuz I have a son and i would talbwith my son i would do the same with my girls

What kind of porn is it? If it’s not a questionable kind of any sort just let it be. He’ll figure it out.

Whatever you do don’t embarrass him. See if he has any questions. Make sure you leave the conversation open.

Talk to him about it but be cool about it ! Inform him of all the proper ways to treat girls and talk to him about safe sex

He should’ve had the talk a long time ago. It’s perfectly normal and he shouldn’t be punished for it.

From somebody that lived that experience, definitely have a chat, but try to be as casual as possible.

Embarrassment can close some doors of communication.

You can let them know you’re aware, it’s common for his age group, but that you don’t plan on taking their things.

( this also doesn’t condone the behavior of a minor seeking material illegal for them )

Just remind them that porn is like any other movie in that it’s a fantasy ( especially animated ) for entertainment that does not represent the reality of situations.

Also, that studies show that the excessive use of pornographic materials can affect the ability for arousal in adulthood.

So like junk food, it’s totally ok but, just use moderation.

The fact that you’re even asking shows your commitment to your child. :heart:

He is a normal growing boy … Dont talk to him … you will embarrass him … he may want to talk to a Male who can relate … or just tell him if he has any questions about sex that he sould be feel free if he needs to … dont let him know you saw what he is looking at … just let him know it’s ok to talk about it and your there to listen .

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lol ask the dad. They know what to do and what is normal and when they started and whatnot

When my son was that age I wrote him letters to help guide him. Easier and more effective than awkward talks.

Ah hentai was the first porn i owned at 14. I never had a phone at that age but since he has one already i wouldn’t take it away.

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Wouldnt worry, my son was about your sons age, i went to search for something and got mastErbation i looked at him and laughed asked what he was looking for and he says how do i know it wasnt you mom? I said i know how to spell it correctly

After you speak with him about it. I would advise putting a parental control on his devices so that it blocks inappropriate websites.

Just let it be. My son is actually really open and told me he was watching porn… too much for me to know. That’s boys/men for ya. I guess its better than going out and getting some random girl pregnant.

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However my 6yo just was caught looking at it because my 12 yo was playing Xbox an some of the kids were telling my 12 yo to check out this website… well my youngest did instead…smh… i talked to him and he asked but mom why they do that?..

I am the one who talked to all of my kids. Boys and girls. Just dont make it weird and and they wont percieve it as weird. All 5 of mine come to me for advice on the subject. Its normal.