How old are you guys? Just going off my age, I would be the same way. You need to be able to grow & having your partner live with his mom is hard to do that. She sounds like every mom who has a son, just loves him way way too much. She needs to let him live, and build a life for himself. & why would you cook for him when you don’t live together? If he came for dinner then yeah okay but besides that??? No lol that makes no sense.
First and foremost I’d personally find it concerning that a grown man would still want to live with his mother versus living on his own or with his partner (depending on length of time together). Going from my personal mistake, I’d say only a couple months in I wouldn’t be cooking and cleaning for him for a few reasons. One, the relationship is still new and you’re not his maid. You should be still having fun and getting to know each other not playing care taker. Two, if you start that now I promise you he won’t be grateful and appreciative but rather will expect it forever and it will become what he feels like is your duty. And rest assured, it is not. Lastly it sounds like he either wants to live with mommy or a replacement mommy. You’re not his mom, his wife nor his personal chef or maid. If it were me, I’d take things super slow with this dude or just flat out end it. If I’m grown I can have other grown folk meddling in my relationship.
Stick to your guns! You’re absolutely not wrong!
Realise he isn’t ready for the relationship YOU deserve
Nope he needs to stop been mamas little boy… he needs to grow up and tell her to not meddle in yalls relationship, you shouldn’t cook for him just bc yall dating… once in a while is fine but not the way his mom says… she has no say on that.
Oh red flag… no even if you’re his wife you both take care of each other. You set the rules for your family. Oh, I don’t think I could have a mil like that. Good luck
Leave him alone and look for another boyfriend!!!
You said it…needs level of growth and privacy. Yall aren’t living together and like you said he doesn’t pay your bills. He’s an adult and should be able to do those things for himself FIRST. There’s nothing wrong with cooking for him but you aren’t living together nor were you married
Nope! He needs to get off the tit! I can’t believe she would say you need to be cooking and cleaning for him when you don’t live together. If she is already like this you can bet she will always be in your business and it will only create more issues in your relationship. Future monster in law! Stick to your guns or end it now.
If a man chooses his mother over you while you are dating, he will always chooses his mom over you. Time to move on before you get in any deeper.
Red flag! She sounds like she can potentially be a toxic MIL and he will do anything his mom says.
Run now. And run fast. There’s a MAN out there for you.
Imagine having CHILDREN with this guy?! 
I think you’re in the right mindset. Let him make his decision…
You are NOT wrong. I lived with my ex’s mom and my mom lived with us… we are divorced, my current husband and I both lived with his mom ( while tryin to find our own place) and moved my mom in. Both times ALMOST caused us to get divorced but we barely made it through and both of us rarely talk to our mothers. It just doesn’t work unless you have an extremely unusual relationship. And I LOVE my mother in law… it’s just almost impossible to blend adults who are use to living and doing things their own ways
You shouldn’t…you are not wrong
Lol if mom wants to do all that, let her…otherwise she sounds expensive…you sound like you are expensive too
You’ve only been dating a few months…
That was really well put already. You havea great head on your shoulders. Take your advice and stand up. I personally like to cook and clean because I have problems staying still. Probably some control issues. But being in a relationship doesn’t make you a slave. I am having problems myself, mine is lazy about leaving things out and not cleaning up after mimself like at all, just does the thing and leaves. I just bite my tounge because I am at home with the kids and he’s out all year in extreme weather. There must be compromise and equality!
She is using him for his credit
Mommas boy. Send him packing. Or u can choose being miserable! Move on.
I don’t need to read past “things got serious really fast” to know that this is not the one for you. That’s a major red flag.
Even as a wife it is not your duty - I wouldn’t stay with this mumma’s boy.
You right. Your not living with him let alone married to him. Your not his personal chef. If he chooses his mother of you then obviously he’s still attached to the cord. He’s an adult. His mother lives with his aunt and she enjoys the company. If he can’t think for himself, you’ll be with a man-child that tells mommy everything. You pretty much have your ultimatum for him to choose from. If he chooses his mother, well he can live with her. You still got your place and not really losing anything besides a momma’s boy.
Let his ass go with his mommy and find you someone better
Move on. He already has a woman in his life. 
You’ll never be like his mother get out now
Get Away from that while you can, you don’t want that as your MIL. Your dude shouldn’t have his Mommy in his house and his relationship, that’s toxic and unsettling. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and telling him that it’s not ok but based on his reaction and the situation in general, I say leave him.
You are definitely not wrong for requiring more, a common expectation from a relationship. Girl…ditch him…get you a real man. Not a mommas boy who clearly can’t let go and commit
You. Are. Not. Wrong. Don’t be upset, too many guys out there…Trust me, you don’t want to get dug in with mamma boy problems right off the bat. It sets a bad vibe from get-go. Walk away from this one. 
U are absolutely right,despite him being ur boyfriend u have a life,
RUN!!! The worst mistake you’ll ever make is getting involved with a mama’s boy with a meddling opinionated mother. RUN before a marriage commitment and especially kids!!! Mommy already started….you’re doomed from the gate!!! 
Run as fast as you can!!
Your not wrong at all and I agree with everything you said! If he decides to live with him mom then maybe he isn’t ready for commitment with you? As far as marriage and all. Maybe he needs to mature a little more.
Hehehe cook and wash for who. Only do it twice or 3 times at most to just show u can do it. Anything after that is in marriage. How many will u cook and clean for. By the time u actually marry u will be so worn out and won’t enjoy doing it. You have set the tone if he doesn’t like it cut him of and get u a real man.
Picture this… a few years down the road and instead of her telling you how you should treat him, she’s telling you how to raise the kids you grew! That’s exactly what you will have to look forward to. You’re wedding she will control, where u live, every aspect of your children’s lives. Over bearing is what she sounds like and it won’t change
Eww…she needs to mind her own business. Also, if you stay with him you may be stuck with her living with you if you get married. It should be up to you if you want to do those things.
Move tf on. That’s messy and the way he’s been raised and what hes feeling obligated to do is bigger than you. You won’t win, not without years of struggles and toxic episodes with them. If he’s thinking it’s his job to help buy his mom a house…trust and believe she is already working on eliminating you so you aren’t a threat to him being her retirement plan…let the boy go…seriously save yourself the headaches.
Sweetheart, what you were given is a preview and a red flag. They will make you clean and cook and then you’ll be stuck. God forbid you have his child. His mother will always try to raise it. He is clearly telling you what his expectation is as his girlfriend not living with him. Imagine what his expectations will be as a wife? Nope.
Time to leave. You’re only a few months in, get out asap.
Dont. Effing. Settle. If he chooses his mommy, let him. And it will NEVER change. If you cant stand it now, you’ll hate and resent him more years down the road. She sounds the type that if yall got married and had kids, shed bully him to bully you to quit your career to be a stay at home mom and hed work and go drink with his buddies after and sleep in on Saturdays. Hard pas
You are MOST definitely NOT in the wrong. BOYFRIEND’S DON’T GET HUSBAND PRIVILEGES PERIODT! He can be a BIG BOY and build a relationship with YOU as Mom isn’t HOMELESS OR He can move mom in so he can continue his Breastfeeding schedule and You can move on to meet a MAN that will make your needs his priority.
Sounds like a mummys boy. And I wouldn’t be doing his cooking and cleaning either.
Walk away now. Stick to your guns…you are doing the right thing
Run do not be involved she will try to control and ruin your life I’ve one of those mother in law from hell haha but thankfully my husband seen her for wjat was and told her to duck of out our lifes and well things have never been better.
Lol his mum wants for her and him to live together but expects you to come and cook and clean in HER house? Yeah, no 
You’re not wrong. It’s a boundary and it’s better to hash these hard lines out early on than later
GIRL STICK WITH IT!! That is a mature and very positive mindset you have there! Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free? Right. You go girl! I’m proud for you
Guy I see lives with his mom. Anytime we get in argument he runs to his mom’s instead of staying and work things out. I just stay friends with him.
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, stand your ground.
Leave now‼️You can do better…
Nope not at all I had an interferring mother in law and she is one of the reasons why I left him she was always on his side even when he lied to her he would always twist shit though I ended up walking away I couldn’t stand them both at the end
I’m glad my bf isn’t a mommy’s boy.
He’s a mommy boy,u right move on
He is your son, not your boyfriend
Do not settle especially in this 3 people relationship. We will always get the best of a relationship in the beginning meaning everyone is usually on their best behavior and trying our best. Mom problems don’t usually get better…
Mom needs to let go…her boys all grown up, it’s his chance to live.
I wouldnt have even said until you’re a wife because if he marries you he will expect you to do nothing else but be his maid
I’d end it now and see it as a lucky escape. If his mum has said that then for me it’s a major red flag to how she’s taught him to respect women and behave in a relationship. Why the hell would you be cooking and cleaning for him when you don’t even live together? Also, wife doesn’t = maid
Sounds like some major mummy issues. If he chooses his mother its not a reflection on you. You need an adult, sounds like he just wants to live of his mother forever.
If he moves in with you then and contributes towards household bills then you’ll probably feel a bit happier to cook for him at the same time as your meals etc.
My husband does very little around the house, but if I ask him to do something he’ll try his best. Unfortunately he lived with his mum until we got married and she did pretty much everything for him so it’s hard to break that cycle. But his commitment and dedication to the family, and the fact that he works so hard to support us financially, far outweighs the fact that he is incompetent at making a meal unless it’s something like beans on toast 
.
If you love him then that sort of thing won’t matter.
His mother definitely needs to butt out
You only started dating him a few months ago? Tell him to relax. If he already lived on his own for two years then he should know how to cook and clean for himself. Case closed.
Even when you are a wife, you don’t have to do those things! Sounds like a red flag to me though…
Wow!! Get out! I wouldn’t put up with that after a few years let alone a few months!!
I’d leave the man child.
He needs to cut the umbilical cord lol
Run like you on fire
No, you’re not living together it’s not anywhere near your responsibility. When you are living together it’s equals. For example, I cook then my partner does the dishes, I hoover then my partner takes the bins out. And especially if he decided to live with his mum, then she should be helping out as well!!
hell no you don’t have to do any of that. even if you were his wife… it is not something you have to do. run, leave him with mummy and get the hell outta there.
Yikes. Get out of there.
It sounds like he has a really toxic relationship with his mother and she has some boundary issues. I’d be running for the hills lol I had an ex like this and she will always be put first!
Don’t be bullied into doing things you don’t want to do to stay in a relationship x if it doesn’t fit what you want for your future then end it now… you will be unhappy in the long run if you don’t stick to your guns x if it’s not right it’s not right if he needs to do that then he needs to do that x it doesn’t suit you therefore you’re not a match x
If you don’t get out now, then you gotta be prepared for this to be an ongoing issue. Sounds like there is alot of old fashioned thought here too, are you prepared to be the housewife (who most likely also needs to work to assist your husband pay for his mother’s house). A guy who can’t cook and clean for himself in this day and age is either destined for loneliness or needing a live in maid
“His mom told him to move…” and “his mom told him to …” . I don’t buy it. I think he is being manipulative and taking advantage of you. Tell him to pay 1/2 of everything or give him a deadline to be out. Period. If you want to take care if something go to the shelter and get a dog .
After 10 years of this shit, my advice is RUN!!! Gets worse when you are his wife and again when you have children together!!
There is so much toxicity there it’s NOT HIS job to help HER buy a house. She just wants to be able to butt into everything and apparently having issues letting her whole ass grown son be a man and he sounds like an enabling Mama’s boy. Boi bye, no girl. Do better and let man baby go live with his mama and be done with that drama. The ONLY time I cooked for my husband prior to marriage or him for me were on date nights at home or I would when he stayed the weekend with me. I ain’t doing wifey shit for a dude who deserves cold raviolis in a can.
Run, the monster in law will ruin your relationship
Girl no. Just no. Please please trust your gut and go your separate ways. I promise you now you’ll regret it especially if you have children with this man. That woman will cause nothing but unnecessary bs and when having children with someone the last thing you want is to be disrespected as a parent and given the fact she’s already causing this now… I promise it’ll get worse and he doesn’t seem to be Manning up and having your back, it’ll be like that with kids too!
I think your feelings are very valid! And it’s sort of a reg flag for them to think you should be cooking and cleaning for him already… that would make me uncomfortable… I would of responded the same way….
Ohh. Get out now while you can. You’ll be able to fall for someone else. Hopefully someone more mature and with better boundaries. If you stay, be prepared to be under Mom’s rule. He’s not going to choose you over his Mom… and in a healthy relationship it isn’t something that comes up. If you stay, prepare for resentment, drama, lack of boundaries… think long and hard about what your life will look like a few years down the road before you make a decision.
The farther in you get, the harder it will be to keep yourself. If you enjoy who you are right now, leave.
As an adult, I can’t imagine finding happiness in seeking validation from someone’s mother. Especially if you plan to have kids one day.
It’s all wrong.
Love how the question is should I be… When she’s upset that as a unmarried man, he might live with his mom for a while. She’s not mad at the cooking or cleaning comment , as much as she feels she should have say that he not help his mom cause how it will affect her. Don’t want to cook and clean before you’re married, before you live together then don’t. He’ll do with that stance as he pleases, his mama is old school, you want a ring you take care of your partner, not for you don’t do it. But you read the whole thing it’s more to do with why mama shouldn’t live with him or him with her… And what else mama has going on, to where she’s sure, it don’t have to be like that. So you’re not entitled to tell a man, I won’t do this till I’m wife, but I’ma run your life like I am. Make up your mind. I’d move my mama in, you don’t like it… Oh well. Till we married you don’t got that say. That street goes both ways
Imagine if you end up staying together and a child comes into the picture. She will criticize and micromanage your parenting. Badmouth you to him. He will run to her with all your business. He will put her needs before yours. Even that he told you that she expects you to cook and clean for him means he doesn’t disagree with that. So, you will be his maid and expected to pick up after him? You’re getting your education. You’re going somewhere with your life. I would listen listen listen to your gut feeling. Extricate yourself now and wait until a more mature partner comes into your life to get serious. And whatever you do, let NOTHING stop you from finishing your degree.
I def wasn’t playing house until I be living in the house. You’re smart to put your foot down.
As for the potential MIL, you need to have a different conversation with him. Mature and level headed, and honestly show your support of him wanting to take care of his mom because A) that’s a good thing. It’s a good thing when a man treats his momma well and cares about her; however B. You need to ask him what happens when y’all are ready to take the next step?
(Where does the momma go?) because that’s the catch he’s not thinking about. Whether it’s your or another girl no one realistically wants to start living together in that manner. once she’s in his house she not going anywhere.
If he needs to help her buy a house then fine, but make sure it’s one she can afford on her own down the road.
But ultimately, you just need to be supportive and help him come to the conclusion without making the conclusion for him.
You will never get between him and his mum so have patience with her, embrace her, trust is earned not given, and she doesn’t trust you yet. In time she will relax. It may be frustrating but if you take time to get to know her and her fears , you will understand her and she will understand you and you will be closer with your partner. Patience goes a long way. It’s between you and your bf what you guys do so talk to him about his expectations of you and your expectations of him. Remember it goes both ways. Goodluck whatever you decide.
You’re right to be upset and wouldn’t do any of that until you’re a wife
I feel like if you feel this way it won’t change.
And him living with his mother if he’s helping her out that’s still his family and his mother not every one has the same relationships with their parents. If he’s close to her. he will always be there and her main one first till you becomes his wife if that even changes for him…
But if he’s choosing he’s mom already choose your battles dear run cause it won’t change. Trying to brake a circle that’s hard
Move on
Why would you cook and clean for a man that’s living elsewhere?
Sounds like mum’s getting exactly what she wants 
Seems like a lot if red flags tbh. I would personally set boundaries and lay it all out, and at the first sigh of neglect of those boundaries then leave. You don’t know he won’t put his foot down unless you try first
Leave. You will never win the war between a mom and a son. Never. Men always go back to their mommys for advice and and and. I never cooked or cleaned for my boyfriend, now husband until we got married. We only moved in together once we got married and he never expected me to cook or clean for him. Cooking and cleaning doesn’t make you wife material. And her living down the hall way. 
each time after she hears you guys having sex she will ask why is he doing so much work, shouldn’t you be doing more?
I have so many questions?? How old is he and how old are you? Are you looking to “settle down” or are you looking to live your life? So many things play into ones response to this life twist!!!
My boyfriend well soon be husband now and I have a different type of relationship. We got serious fast too tho. I cook and clean for my man from the start of our relationship just like he cooks and cleans too. We moved in together after 10 days. I’m one that likes to take care of my man girlfriend or wife. But I get why you are upset sounds like he is a Mama’s boy badly. I would set boundaries with your relationship
No you should not be cooking and cleaning for him if you don’t live together. Those are his responsibilities.
The fact she’s inserting herself into your relationship is a massive redflag. When you have kids it will get worse as she doesn’t understand and respect boundaries. If that was me I’d run! If he’s serious about you he will put you first. If he’s putting his mother first he will do it when you’re married. He needs to decide if he wants to still play family with mother dearest or to start a family with you and put you first
Ewwww you don’t live with him and he and his mom expect you to cook and clean for him? What lol throw the whole relationship away…
If he has to do all of this for his mother now, can you imagine what it will be like as her health deteriorates? If he chooses her over you?..he wasn’t the one.
The dude either needs to cut that umbilical cord or you need to run. I could understand the mom living with him if she was sick or couldn’t take care of her self but she seems fine based off this.
Run for the hills. She needs to understand your boundaries, and he needs to grow the fuck up. It isn’t the 1950s anymore. Men SHOULD be taught life skills, like cooking and cleaning after himself - it isn’t just a female role anymore.
Bro even when you’re a wife why should you turn into his mother? He’s a big boy he can cook and clean for himself.